Headjustedhimselfatonce，becamenormallydistant。
`IfIfindIcanlivesufficientlybymyself，\'hecontinued，`Ishallgiveupmyworkaltogether。Ithasbecomedeadtome。Idon\'tbelieveinthehumanityIpretendtobepartof，Idon\'tcareastrawforthesocialidealsIliveby，Ihatethedyingorganicformofsocialmankind——soitcan\'tbeanythingbuttrumpery，toworkateducation。IshalldropitassoonasIamclearenough——tomorrowperhaps——andbebymyself。\'
`Haveyouenoughtoliveon？\'askedUrsula。
`Yes——I\'veaboutfourhundredayear。Thatmakesiteasyforme。\'
Therewasapause。
`AndwhataboutHermione？\'askedUrsula。
`That\'sover，finally——apurefailure，andnevercouldhavebeenanythingelse。\'
`Butyoustillknoweachother？\'
`Wecouldhardlypretendtobestrangers，couldwe？\'
Therewasastubbornpause。
`Butisn\'tthatahalf—measure？\'askedUrsulaatlength。
`Idon\'tthinkso，\'hesaid。`You\'llbeabletotellmeifitis。\'
Againtherewasapauseofsomeminutes\'duration。Hewasthinking。
`Onemustthroweverythingaway，everything——leteverythinggo，togettheonelastthingonewants，\'hesaid。
`Whatthing？\'sheaskedinchallenge。
`Idon\'tknow——freedomtogether，\'hesaid。
Shehadwantedhimtosay`love。\'
Therewasheardaloudbarkingofthedogsbelow。Heseemeddisturbedbyit。Shedidnotnotice。Onlyshethoughtheseemeduneasy。
`Asamatteroffact，\'hesaid，inratherasmallvoice，`IbelievethatisHermionecomenow，withGeraldCrich。Shewantedtoseetheroomsbeforetheyarefurnished。\'
`Iknow，\'saidUrsula。`Shewillsuperintendthefurnishingforyou。\'
`Probably。Doesitmatter？\'
`Ohno，Ishouldthinknot，\'saidUrsula。`Thoughpersonally，Ican\'tbearher。Ithinksheisalie，ifyoulike，youwhoarealwaystalkingaboutlies。\'Thensheruminatedforamoment，whenshebrokeout:`Yes，andIdomindifshefurnishesyourrooms——Idomind。Imindthatyoukeepherhangingonatall。\'
Hewassilentnow，frowning。
`Perhaps，\'hesaid。`Idon\'twanthertofurnishtheroomshere——andIdon\'tkeepherhangingon。Only，Ineedn\'tbechurlishtoher，needI？Atanyrate，Ishallhavetogodownandseethemnow。You\'llcome，won\'tyou？\'
`Idon\'tthinkso，\'shesaidcoldlyandirresolutely。
`Won\'tyou？Yesdo。Comeandseetheroomsaswell。Docome。\'
WomenInLove:Chapter12CHAPTERXIICarpetingHESETOFFdownthebank，andshewentunwillinglywithhim。Yetshewouldnothavestayedaway，either。
`Weknoweachotherwell，youandI，already，\'hesaid。Shedidnotanswer。
Inthelargedarkishkitchenofthemill，thelabourer\'swifewastalkingshrillytoHermioneandGerald，whostood，heinwhiteandsheinaglisteningbluishfoulard，strangelyluminousintheduskoftheroom;whilstfromthecagesonthewalls，adozenormorecanariessangatthetopoftheirvoices。Thecageswereallplacedroundasmallsquarewindowattheback，wherethesunshinecamein，abeautifulbeam，filteringthroughgreenleavesofatree。ThevoiceofMrsSalmonshrilledagainstthenoiseofthebirds，whichroseevermorewildandtriumphant，andthewoman\'svoicewentupandupagainstthem，andthebirdsrepliedwithwildanimation。
`Here\'sRupert！\'shoutedGeraldinthemidstofthedin。Hewassufferingbadly，beingverysensitiveintheear。
`O—o—hthembirds，theywon\'tletyouspeak——！\'shrilledthelabourer\'swifeindisgust。`I\'llcoverthemup。\'
Andshedartedhereandthere，throwingaduster，anapron，atowel，atable—clothoverthecagesofthebirds。
`Nowwillyoustopit，andletabodyspeakforyourrow，\'shesaid，stillinavoicethatwastoohigh。
Thepartywatchedher。Soonthecageswerecovered，theyhadastrangefunereallook。Butfromunderthetowelsodddefianttrillsandbubblingsstillshookout。
`Oh，theywon\'tgoon，\'saidMrsSalmonreassuringly。`They\'llgotosleepnow。\'
`Really，\'saidHermione，politely。
`Theywill，\'saidGerald。`Theywillgotosleepautomatically，nowtheimpressionofeveningisproduced。\'
`Aretheysoeasilydeceived？\'criedUrsula。
`Oh，yes，\'repliedGerald。`Don\'tyouknowthestoryofFabre，who，whenhewasaboy，putahen\'sheadunderherwing，andshestraightawaywenttosleep？It\'squitetrue。\'
`Anddidthatmakehimanaturalist？\'askedBirkin。
`Probably，\'saidGerald。
MeanwhileUrsulawaspeepingunderoneofthecloths。Theresatthecanaryinacorner，bunchedandfluffedupforsleep。
`Howridiculous！\'shecried。`Itreallythinksthenighthascome！Howabsurd！Really，howcanonehaveanyrespectforacreaturethatissoeasilytakenin！\'
`Yes，\'sangHermione，comingalsotolook。SheputherhandonUrsula\'sarmandchuckledalowlaugh。`Yes，doesn\'thelookcomical？\'shechuckled。
`Likeastupidhusband。\'
Then，withherhandstillonUrsula\'sarm，shedrewheraway，saying，inhermildsing—song:
`Howdidyoucomehere？WesawGudruntoo。\'
`Icametolookatthepond，\'saidUrsula，`andIfoundMrBirkinthere。\'
`Didyou？ThisisquiteaBrangwenland，isn\'tit！\'
`I\'mafraidIhopedso，\'saidUrsula。`Iranhereforrefuge，whenI
sawyoudownthelake，justputtingoff。\'
`Didyou！Andnowwe\'verunyoutoearth。\'
Hermione\'seyelidsliftedwithanuncannymovement，amusedbutoverwrought。
Shehadalwaysherstrange，raptlook，unnaturalandirresponsible。
`Iwasgoingon，\'saidUrsula。`MrBirkinwantedmetoseetherooms。
Isn\'titdelightfultolivehere？Itisperfect。\'
`Yes，\'saidHermione，abstractedly。ThensheturnedrightawayfromUrsula，ceasedtoknowherexistence。
`Howdoyoufeel，Rupert？\'shesanginanew，affectionatetone，toBirkin。
`Verywell，\'hereplied。
`Wereyouquitecomfortable？\'Thecurious，sinister，raptlookwasonHermione\'sface，sheshruggedherbosominaconvulsedmovement，andseemedlikeonehalfinatrance。
`Quitecomfortable，\'hereplied。
Therewasalongpause，whilstHermionelookedathimforalongtime，fromunderherheavy，druggedeyelids。
`Andyouthinkyou\'llbehappyhere？\'shesaidatlast。
`I\'msureIshall。\'
`I\'msureIshalldoanythingforhimasIcan，\'saidthelabourer\'swife。`AndI\'msureourmasterwill;soIhopehe\'llfindhimselfcomfortable。\'
Hermioneturnedandlookedatherslowly。
`Thankyousomuch，\'shesaid，andthensheturnedcompletelyawayagain。
Sherecoveredherposition，andliftingherfacetowardshim，andaddressinghimexclusively，shesaid:
`Haveyoumeasuredtherooms？\'
`No，\'hesaid，`I\'vebeenmendingthepunt。\'
`Shallwedoitnow？\'shesaidslowly，balancedanddispassionate。
`Haveyougotatapemeasure，MrsSalmon？\'hesaid，turningtothewoman。
`Yessir，IthinkIcanfindone，\'repliedthewoman，bustlingimmediatelytoabasket。`ThisistheonlyoneI\'vegot，ifitwilldo。\'
Hermionetookit，thoughitwasofferedtohim。
`Thankyousomuch，\'shesaid。`Itwilldoverynicely。Thankyousomuch。\'ThensheturnedtoBirkin，sayingwithalittlegaymovement:`Shallwedoitnow，Rupert？\'
`Whatabouttheothers，they\'llbebored，\'hesaidreluctantly。
`Doyoumind？\'saidHermione，turningtoUrsulaandGeraldvaguely。
`Notintheleast，\'theyreplied。
`Whichroomshallwedofirst？\'shesaid，turningagaintoBirkin，withthesamegaiety，nowshewasgoingtodosomethingwithhim。
`We\'lltakethemastheycome，\'hesaid。
`ShouldIbegettingyourteasready，whileyoudothat？\'saidthelabourer\'swife，alsogaybecauseshehadsomethingtodo。
`Wouldyou？\'saidHermione，turningtoherwiththecuriousmotionofintimacythatseemedtoenvelopthewoman，drawheralmosttoHermione\'sbreast，andwhichlefttheothersstandingapart。`Ishouldbesoglad。
Whereshallwehaveit？\'
`Wherewouldyoulikeit？Shallitbeinhere，oroutonthegrass？\'
`Whereshallwehavetea？\'sangHermionetothecompanyatlarge。
`Onthebankbythepond。Andwe\'llcarrythethingsup，ifyou\'lljustgetthemready，MrsSalmon，\'saidBirkin。
`Allright，\'saidthepleasedwoman。
Thepartymoveddownthepassageintothefrontroom。Itwasempty，butcleanandsunny。Therewasawindowlookingontothetangledfrontgarden。
`Thisisthediningroom，\'saidHermione。`We\'llmeasureitthisway，Rupert——yougodownthere——\'
`Can\'tIdoitforyou，\'saidGerald，comingtotaketheendofthetape。
`No，thankyou，\'criedHermione，stoopingtothegroundinherbluish，brilliantfoulard。Itwasagreatjoytohertodothings，andtohavetheorderingofthejob，withBirkin。Heobeyedhersubduedly。UrsulaandGeraldlookedon。ItwasapeculiarityofHermione\'s，thatateverymoment，shehadoneintimate，andturnedalltherestofthosepresentintoonlookers。Thisraisedherintoastateoftriumph。
Theymeasuredanddiscussedinthedining—room，andHermionedecidedwhatthefloorcoveringsmustbe。Itsentherintoastrange，convulsedanger，tobethwarted。Birkinalwaysletherhaveherway，forthemoment。
Thentheymovedacross，throughthehall，totheotherfrontroom，thatwasalittlesmallerthanthefirst。
`Thisisthestudy，\'saidHermione。`Rupert，IhavearugthatIwantyoutohaveforhere。Willyouletmegiveittoyou？Do——Iwanttogiveityou。\'
`Whatisitlike？\'heaskedungraciously。
`Youhaven\'tseenit。Itischieflyrosered，thenblue，ametallic，mid—blue，andaverysoftdarkblue。Ithinkyouwouldlikeit。Doyouthinkyouwould？\'
`Itsoundsverynice，\'hereplied。`Whatisit？Oriental？Withapile？\'
`Yes。Persian！Itismadeofcamel\'shair，silky。IthinkitiscalledBergamos——twelvefeetbyseven——。Doyouthinkitwilldo？\'
`Itwoulddo，\'hesaid。`Butwhyshouldyougivemeanexpensiverug？IcanmanageperfectlywellwithmyoldOxfordTurkish。\'
`ButmayIgiveittoyou？Doletme。\'
`Howmuchdiditcost？\'
Shelookedathim，andsaid:
`Idon\'tremember。Itwasquitecheap。\'
Helookedather，hisfaceset。
`Idon\'twanttotakeit，Hermione，\'hesaid。
`Doletmegiveittotherooms，\'shesaid，goinguptohimandputtingherhandonhisarmlightly，pleadingly。`Ishallbesodisappointed。\'
`YouknowIdon\'twantyoutogivemethings，\'herepeatedhelplessly。
`Idon\'twanttogiveyouthings，\'shesaidteasingly。`Butwillyouhavethis？\'
`Allright，\'hesaid，defeated，andshetriumphed。
Theywentupstairs。Thereweretwobedroomstocorrespondwiththeroomsdownstairs。Oneofthemwashalffurnished，andBirkinhadevidentlysleptthere。Hermionewentroundtheroomcarefully，takingineverydetail，asifabsorbingtheevidenceofhispresence，inalltheinanimatethings。
Shefeltthebedandexaminedthecoverings。
`Areyousureyouwerequitecomfortable？\'shesaid，pressingthepillow。
`Perfectly，\'herepliedcoldly。
`Andwereyouwarm？Thereisnodownquilt。Iamsureyouneedone。
Youmustn\'thaveagreatpressureofclothes。\'
`I\'vegotone，\'hesaid。`Itiscomingdown。\'
Theymeasuredtherooms，andlingeredovereveryconsideration。Ursulastoodatthewindowandwatchedthewomancarryingtheteaupthebanktothepond。ShehatedthepalaverHermionemade，shewantedtodrinktea，shewantedanythingbutthisfussandbusiness。
Atlasttheyallmountedthegrassybank，tothepicnic。Hermionepouredouttea。SheignorednowUrsula\'spresence。AndUrsula，recoveringfromherill—humour，turnedtoGeraldsaying:
`Oh，Ihatedyousomuchtheotherday，MrCrich，\'
`Whatfor？\'saidGerald，wincingslightlyaway。
`Fortreatingyourhorsesobadly。Oh，Ihatedyousomuch！\'
`Whatdidhedo？\'sangHermione。
`HemadehislovelysensitiveArabhorsestandwithhimattherailway—crossingwhilstahorriblelotoftruckswentby;andthepoorthing，shewasinaperfectfrenzy，aperfectagony。Itwasthemosthorriblesightyoucanimagine。\'
`Whydidyoudoit，Gerald？\'askedHermione，calmandinterrogative。
`Shemustlearntostand——whatuseisshetomeinthiscountry，ifsheshiesandgoesoffeverytimeanenginewhistles。\'
`Butwhyinflictunnecessarytorture？\'saidUrsula。`Whymakeherstandallthattimeatthecrossing？Youmightjustaswellhaveriddenbackuptheroad，andsavedallthathorror。Hersideswerebleedingwhereyouhadspurredher。Itwastoohorrible——！\'
Geraldstiffened。
`Ihavetouseher，\'hereplied。`AndifI\'mgoingtobesureofheratall，she\'llhavetolearntostandnoises。\'
`Whyshouldshe？\'criedUrsulainapassion。`Sheisalivingcreature，whyshouldshestandanything，justbecauseyouchoosetomakeher？Shehasasmuchrighttoherownbeing，asyouhavetoyours。\'
`ThereIdisagree，\'saidGerald。`Iconsiderthatmareisthereformyuse。NotbecauseIboughther，butbecausethatisthenaturalorder。
Itismorenaturalforamantotakeahorseanduseitashelikes，thanforhimtogodownonhiskneestoit，beggingittodoasitwishes，andtofulfilitsownmarvellousnature。\'
Ursulawasjustbreakingout，whenHermioneliftedherfaceandbegan，inhermusingsing—song:
`Idothink——Idoreallythinkwemusthavethecouragetousetheloweranimallifeforourneeds。Idothinkthereissomethingwrong，whenwelookoneverylivingcreatureasifitwereourselves。I
dofeel，thatitisfalsetoprojectourownfeelingsoneveryanimatecreature。Itisalackofdiscrimination，alackofcriticism。\'
`Quite，\'saidBirkinsharply。`Nothingissodetestableasthemaudlinattributingofhumanfeelingsandconsciousnesstoanimals。\'
`Yes，\'saidHermione，wearily，`wemustreallytakeaposition。Eitherwearegoingtousetheanimals，ortheywilluseus。\'
`That\'safact，\'saidGerald。`Ahorsehasgotawilllikeaman，thoughithasnomindstrictly。Andifyourwillisn\'tmaster，thenthehorseismasterofyou。AndthisisathingIcan\'thelp。Ican\'thelpbeingmasterofthehorse。\'
`Ifonlywecouldlearnhowtouseourwill，\'saidHermione，`wecoulddoanything。Thewillcancureanything，andputanythingright。ThatI
amconvincedof——ifonlyweusethewillproperly，intelligibly。\'
`Whatdoyoumeanbyusingthewillproperly？\'saidBirkin。
`Averygreatdoctortaughtme，\'shesaid，addressingUrsulaandGeraldvaguely。`Hetoldmeforinstance，thattocureoneselfofabadhabit，oneshouldforceoneselftodoit，whenonewouldnotdoit——makeoneselfdoit——andthenthehabitwoulddisappear。\'
`Howdoyoumean？\'saidGerald。
`Ifyoubiteyournails，forexample。Then，whenyoudon\'twanttobiteyournails，bitethem，makeyourselfbitethem。Andyouwouldfindthehabitwasbroken。\'
`Isthatso？\'saidGerald。
`Yes。Andinsomanythings，Ihavemademyselfwell。Iwasaveryqueerandnervousgirl。Andbylearningtousemywill，simplybyusingmywill，Imademyselfright。\'
UrsulalookedallthewhiteatHermione，asshespokeinherslow，dispassionate，andyetstrangelytensevoice。Acuriousthrillwentovertheyoungerwoman。
Somestrange，dark，convulsivepowerwasinHermione，fascinatingandrepelling。
`Itisfataltousethewilllikethat，\'criedBirkinharshly，`disgusting。
Suchawillisanobscenity。\'
Hermionelookedathimforalongtime，withhershadowed，heavyeyes。
Herfacewassoftandpaleandthin，almostphosphorescent，herjawwaslean。
`I\'msureitisn\'t，\'shesaidatlength。Therealwaysseemedaninterval，astrangesplitbetweenwhatsheseemedtofeelandexperience，andwhatsheactuallysaidandthought。Sheseemedtocatchherthoughtsatlengthfromoffthesurfaceofamaelstromofchaoticblackemotionsandreactions，andBirkinwasalwaysfilledwithrepulsion，shecaughtsoinfallibly，herwillneverfailedher。Hervoicewasalwaysdispassionateandtense，andperfectlyconfident。Yetsheshudderedwithasenseofnausea，asortofseasicknessthatalwaysthreatenedtooverwhelmhermind。Buthermindremainedunbroken，herwillwasstillperfect。ItalmostsentBirkinmad。
Buthewouldnever，neverdaretobreakherwill，andletloosethemaelstromofhersubconsciousness，andseeherinherultimatemadness。Yethewasalwaysstrikingather。
`Andofcourse，\'hesaidtoGerald，`horseshaven\'tgotacompletewill，likehumanbeings。Ahorsehasnoonewill。Everyhorse，strictly，hastwowills。Withonewill，itwantstoputitselfinthehumanpowercompletely——andwiththeother，itwantstobefree，wild。Thetwowillssometimeslock——youknowthat，ifeveryou\'vefeltahorsebolt，whileyou\'vebeendrivingit。\'
`IhavefeltahorseboltwhileIwasdrivingit，\'saidGerald，`butitdidn\'tmakemeknowithadtwowills。Ionlyknewitwasfrightened。\'
Hermionehadceasedtolisten。Shesimplybecameobliviouswhenthesesubjectswerestarted。
`Whyshouldahorsewanttoputitselfinthehumanpower？\'askedUrsula。
`Thatisquiteincomprehensibletome。Idon\'tbelieveiteverwantedit。\'
`Yesitdid。It\'sthelast，perhapshighest，love—impulse:resignyourwilltothehigherbeing，\'saidBirkin。
`Whatcuriousnotionsyouhaveoflove，\'jeeredUrsula。
`Andwomanisthesameashorses:twowillsactinoppositioninsideher。Withonewill，shewantstosubjectherselfutterly。Withtheothershewantstobolt，andpitchherridertoperdition。\'
`ThenI\'mabolter，\'saidUrsula，withaburstoflaughter。
`It\'sadangerousthingtodomesticateevenhorses，letalonewomen，\'
saidBirkin。`Thedominantprinciplehassomerareantagonists。\'
`Goodthingtoo，\'saidUrsula。
`Quite，\'saidGerald，withafaintsmile。`There\'smorefun。\'
Hermionecouldbearnomore。Sherose，sayinginhereasysing—song:
`Isn\'ttheeveningbeautiful！Igetfilledsometimeswithsuchagreatsenseofbeauty，thatIfeelIcanhardlybearit。\'
Ursula，towhomshehadappealed，rosewithher，movedtothelastimpersonaldepths。AndBirkinseemedtoheralmostamonsterofhatefularrogance。
ShewentwithHermionealongthebankofthepond，talkingofbeautiful，soothingthings，pickingthegentlecowslips。
`Wouldn\'tyoulikeadress，\'saidUrsulatoHermione，`ofthisyellowspottedwithorange——acottondress？\'
`Yes，\'saidHermione，stoppingandlookingattheflower，lettingthethoughtcomehometoherandsootheher。`Wouldn\'titbepretty？Ishouldloveit。\'
AndsheturnedsmilingtoUrsula，inafeelingofrealaffection。
ButGeraldremainedwithBirkin，wantingtoprobehimtothebottom，toknowwhathemeantbythedualwillinhorses。AflickerofexcitementdancedonGerald\'sface。
HermioneandUrsulastrayedontogether，unitedinasuddenbondofdeepaffectionandcloseness。
`Ireallydonotwanttobeforcedintoallthiscriticismandanalysisoflife。Ireallydowanttoseethingsintheirentirety，withtheirbeautylefttothem，andtheirwholeness，theirnaturalholiness。
Don\'tyoufeelit，don\'tyoufeelyoucan\'tbetorturedintoanymoreknowledge？\'saidHermione，stoppinginfrontofUrsula，andturningtoherwithclenchedfiststhrustdownwards。
`Yes，\'saidUrsula。`Ido。Iamsickofallthispokingandprying。\'
`I\'msogladyouare。Sometimes，\'saidHermione，againstoppingarrestedinherprogressandturningtoUrsula，`sometimesIwonderifIoughttosubmittoallthisrealisation，ifIamnotbeingweakinrejectingit。ButIfeelIcan\'t——Ican\'t。Itseemstodestroyeverything。
Allthebeautyandthe——andthetrueholinessisdestroyed——andIfeelIcan\'tlivewithoutthem。\'
`Anditwouldbesimplywrongtolivewithoutthem，\'criedUrsula。`No，itissoirreverenttothinkthateverythingmustberealisedinthehead。Really，somethingmustbelefttotheLord，therealwaysisandalwayswillbe。\'
`Yes，\'saidHermione，reassuredlikeachild，`itshould，shouldn\'tit？AndRupert——\'sheliftedherfacetothesky，inamuse——`hecanonlytearthingstopieces。Hereallyislikeaboywhomustpulleverythingtopiecestoseehowitismade。AndIcan\'tthinkitisright——itdoesseemsoirreverent，asyousay。\'
`Liketearingopenabudtoseewhattheflowerwillbelike，\'saidUrsula。
`Yes。Andthatkillseverything，doesn\'tit？Itdoesn\'tallowanypossibilityofflowering。\'
`Ofcoursenot，\'saidUrsula。`Itispurelydestructive。\'
`Itis，isn\'tit！\'
HermionelookedlongandslowatUrsula，seemingtoacceptconfirmationfromher。Thenthetwowomenweresilent。Assoonastheywereinaccord，theybeganmutuallytomistrusteachother。Inspiteofherself，UrsulafeltherselfrecoilingfromHermione。Itwasallshecoulddotorestrainherrevulsion。
Theyreturnedtothemen，liketwoconspiratorswhohavewithdrawntocometoanagreement。Birkinlookedupatthem。Ursulahatedhimforhiscoldwatchfulness。Buthesaidnothing。
`Shallwebegoing？\'saidHermione。`Rupert，youarecomingtoShortlandstodinner？Willyoucomeatonce，willyoucomenow，withus？\'
`I\'mnotdressed，\'repliedBirkin。`AndyouknowGeraldsticklesforconvention。\'
`Idon\'tstickleforit，\'saidGerald。`Butifyou\'dgotassickasIhaveofrowdygo—as—you—pleaseinthehouse，you\'dpreferitifpeoplewerepeacefulandconventional，atleastatmeals。\'
`Allright，\'saidBirkin。
`Butcan\'twewaitforyouwhileyoudress？\'persistedHermione。
`Ifyoulike。\'
Herosetogoindoors。Ursulasaidshewouldtakeherleave。
`Only，\'shesaid，turningtoGerald，`Imustsaythat，howevermanislordofthebeastandthefowl，Istilldon\'tthinkhehasanyrighttoviolatethefeelingsoftheinferiorcreation。Istillthinkitwouldhavebeenmuchmoresensibleandniceofyouifyou\'dtrottedbackuptheroadwhilethetrainwentby，andbeenconsiderate。\'
`Isee，\'saidGerald，smiling，butsomewhatannoyed。`Imustrememberanothertime。\'
`TheyallthinkI\'maninterferingfemale，\'thoughtUrsulatoherself，asshewentaway。Butshewasinarmsagainstthem。
Sheranhomeplungedinthought。ShehadbeenverymuchmovedbyHermione，shehadreallycomeintocontactwithher，sothattherewasasortofleaguebetweenthetwowomen。Andyetshecouldnotbearher。Butsheputthethoughtaway。`She\'sreallygood，\'shesaidtoherself。`Shereallywantswhatisright。\'AndshetriedtofeelatonewithHermione，andtoshutofffromBirkin。Shewasstrictlyhostiletohim。Butshewasheldtohimbysomebond，somedeepprinciple。Thisatonceirritatedherandsavedher。
Onlynowandagain，violentlittleshudderswouldcomeoverher，outofhersubconsciousness，andsheknewitwasthefactthatshehadstatedherchallengetoBirkin，andhehad，consciouslyorunconsciously，accepted。
Itwasafighttothedeathbetweenthem——ortonewlife:thoughinwhattheconflictlay，noonecouldsay。
WomenInLove:Chapter13CHAPTERXIIIMinoTHEDAYSwentby，andshereceivednosign。Washegoingtoignoreher，washegoingtotakenofurthernoticeofhersecret？
Adrearyweightofanxietyandacridbitternesssettledonher。AndyetUrsulaknewshewasonlydeceivingherself，andthathewouldproceed。
Shesaidnowordtoanybody。
Then，sureenough，therecameanotefromhim，askingifshewouldcometoteawithGudrun，tohisroomsintown。
`WhydoesheaskGudrunaswell？\'sheaskedherselfatonce。`Doeshewanttoprotecthimself，ordoeshethinkIwouldnotgoalone？\'Shewastormentedbythethoughtthathewantedtoprotecthimself。Butattheendofall，sheonlysaidtoherself:
`Idon\'twantGudruntobethere，becauseIwanthimtosaysomethingmoretome。SoIshan\'ttellGudrunanythingaboutit，andIshallgoalone。
ThenIshallknow。\'
Shefoundherselfsittingonthetram—car，mountingupthehillgoingoutofthetown，totheplacewherehehadhislodging。Sheseemedtohavepassedintoakindofdreamworld，absolvedfromtheconditionsofactuality。
Shewatchedthesordidstreetsofthetowngobybeneathher，asifshewereaspiritdisconnectedfromthematerialuniverse。Whathaditalltodowithher？Shewaspalpitatingandformlesswithinthefluxoftheghostlife。Shecouldnotconsideranymore，whatanybodywouldsayofherorthinkabouther。Peoplehadpassedoutofherrange，shewasabsolved。
Shehadfallenstrangeanddim，outofthesheathofthemateriallife，asaberryfallsfromtheonlyworldithaseverknown，downoutofthesheathontotherealunknown。