Chapter1
SistersURSULAANDGUDRUNBrangwensatonemorninginthewindow—bayoftheirfather\'shouseinBeldover，workingandtalking。Ursulawasstitchingapieceofbrightly—colouredembroidery，andGudrunwasdrawinguponaboardwhichsheheldonherknee。
Theyweremostlysilent，talkingastheirthoughtsstrayedthroughtheirminds。
`Ursula，\'saidGudrun，`don\'tyoureallywanttogetmarried？\'
Ursulalaidherembroideryinherlapandlookedup。Herfacewascalmandconsiderate。
`Idon\'tknow，\'shereplied。`Itdependshowyoumean。\'
Gudrunwasslightlytakenaback。Shewatchedhersisterforsomemoments。
`Well，\'shesaid，ironically，`itusuallymeansonething！Butdon\'tyouthinkanyhow，you\'dbe——\'shedarkenedslightly——`inabetterpositionthanyouareinnow。\'
AshadowcameoverUrsula\'sface。
`Imight，\'shesaid。`ButI\'mnotsure。\'
AgainGudrunpaused，slightlyirritated。Shewantedtobequitedefinite。
`Youdon\'tthinkoneneedstheexperienceofhavingbeenmarried？\'
sheasked。
`Doyouthinkitneedbeanexperience？\'repliedUrsula。
`Boundtobe，insomewayorother，\'saidGudrun，coolly。`Possiblyundesirable，butboundtobeanexperienceofsomesort。\'
`Notreally，\'saidUrsula。`Morelikelytobetheendofexperience。\'
Gudrunsatverystill，toattendtothis。
`Ofcourse，\'shesaid，`there\'sthattoconsider。\'Thisbroughttheconversationtoaclose。Gudrun，almostangrily，tookupherrubberandbegantoruboutpartofherdrawing。Ursulastitchedabsorbedly。
`Youwouldn\'tconsideragoodoffer？\'askedGudrun。
`IthinkI\'verejectedseveral，\'saidUrsula。
`Really！\'Gudrunflusheddark——`Butanythingreallyworthwhile？
Haveyoureally？\'
`Athousandayear，andanawfullyniceman。Ilikedhimawfully，\'saidUrsula。
`Really！Butweren\'tyoufearfullytempted？\'
`Intheabstractbutnotintheconcrete，\'saidUrsula。`Whenitcomestothepoint，oneisn\'teventempted——oh，ifIweretempted，I\'dmarrylikeashot。I\'monlytemptednotto。\'Thefacesofbothsisterssuddenlylitupwithamusement。
`Isn\'titanamazingthing，\'criedGudrun，`howstrongthetemptationis，notto！\'Theybothlaughed，lookingateachother。Intheirheartstheywerefrightened。
Therewasalongpause，whilstUrsulastitchedandGudrunwentonwithhersketch。Thesisterswerewomen，Ursulatwenty—six，andGudruntwenty—five。
Butbothhadtheremote，virginlookofmoderngirls，sistersofArtemisratherthanofHebe。Gudrunwasverybeautiful，passive，soft—skinned，soft—limbed。Sheworeadressofdark—bluesilkystuff，withruchesofblueandgreenlinenlaceintheneckandsleeves;andshehademerald—greenstockings。HerlookofconfidenceanddiffidencecontrastedwithUrsula\'ssensitiveexpectancy。Theprovincialpeople，intimidatedbyGudrun\'sperfectsang—froidandexclusivebarenessofmanner，saidofher:`Sheisasmartwoman。\'ShehadjustcomebackfromLondon，whereshehadspentseveralyears，workingatanart—school，asastudent，andlivingastudiolife。
`Iwashopingnowforamantocomealong，\'Gudrunsaid，suddenlycatchingherunderlipbetweenherteeth，andmakingastrangegrimace，halfslysmiling，halfanguish。Ursulawasafraid。
`Soyouhavecomehome，expectinghimhere？\'shelaughed。
`Ohmydear，\'criedGudrun，strident，`Iwouldn\'tgooutofmywaytolookforhim。Butiftheredidhappentocomealongahighlyattractiveindividualofsufficientmeans——well——\'shetailedoffironically。ThenshelookedsearchinglyatUrsula，asiftoprobeher。`Don\'tyoufindyourselfgettingbored？\'sheaskedofhersister。`Don\'tyoufind，thatthingsfailtomaterialise？Nothingmaterialises！Everythingwithersinthebud。\'
`Whatwithersinthebud？\'askedUrsula。
`Oh，everything——oneself——thingsingeneral。\'Therewasapause，whilsteachsistervaguelyconsideredherfate。
`Itdoesfrightenone，\'saidUrsula，andagaintherewasapause。`Butdoyouhopetogetanywherebyjustmarrying？\'
`Itseemstobetheinevitablenextstep，\'saidGudrun。Ursulaponderedthis，withalittlebitterness。Shewasaclassmistressherself，inWilleyGreenGrammarSchool，asshehadbeenforsomeyears。
`Iknow，\'shesaid，`itseemslikethatwhenonethinksintheabstract。
Butreallyimagineit:imagineanymanoneknows，imaginehimcominghometooneeveryevening，andsaying\"Hello，\"andgivingoneakiss——\'
Therewasablankpause。
`Yes，\'saidGudrun，inanarrowedvoice。`It\'sjustimpossible。Themanmakesitimpossible。\'
`Ofcoursethere\'schildren——\'saidUrsuladoubtfully。
Gudrun\'sfacehardened。
`Doyoureallywantchildren，Ursula？\'sheaskedcoldly。Adazzled，baffledlookcameonUrsula\'sface。
`Onefeelsitisstillbeyondone，\'shesaid。
`Doyoufeellikethat？\'askedGudrun。`Igetnofeelingwhateverfromthethoughtofbearingchildren。\'
GudrunlookedatUrsulawithamasklike，expressionlessface。Ursulaknittedherbrows。
`Perhapsitisn\'tgenuine，\'shefaltered。`Perhapsonedoesn\'treallywantthem，inone\'ssoul——onlysuperficially。\'AhardnesscameoverGudrun\'sface。Shedidnotwanttobetoodefinite。
`Whenonethinksofotherpeople\'schildren——\'saidUrsula。
AgainGudrunlookedathersister，almosthostile。
`Exactly，\'shesaid，toclosetheconversation。
Thetwosistersworkedoninsilence，Ursulahavingalwaysthatstrangebrightnessofanessentialflamethatiscaught，meshed，contravened。Shelivedagooddealbyherself，toherself，working，passingonfromdaytoday，andalwaysthinking，tryingtolayholdonlife，tograspitinherownunderstanding。Heractivelivingwassuspended，butunderneath，inthedarkness，somethingwascomingtopass。Ifonlyshecouldbreakthroughthelastinteguments！Sheseemedtotryandputherhandsout，likeaninfantinthewomb，andshecouldnot，notyet。Stillshehadastrangeprescience，anintimationofsomethingyettocome。
Shelaiddownherworkandlookedathersister。ShethoughtGudrunsocharming，soinfinitelycharming，inhersoftnessandherfine，exquisiterichnessoftextureanddelicacyofline。Therewasacertainplayfulnessabouthertoo，suchapiquancyorironicsuggestion，suchanuntouchedreserve。Ursulaadmiredherwithallhersoul。
`Whydidyoucomehome，Prune？\'sheasked。
Gudrunknewshewasbeingadmired。ShesatbackfromherdrawingandlookedatUrsula，fromunderherfinely—curvedlashes。
`WhydidIcomeback，Ursula？\'sherepeated。`Ihaveaskedmyselfathousandtimes。\'
`Anddon\'tyouknow？\'
`Yes，IthinkIdo。Ithinkmycomingbackhomewasjustreculerpourmieuxsauter。\'
Andshelookedwithalong，slowlookofknowledgeatUrsula。
`Iknow！\'criedUrsula，lookingslightlydazzledandfalsified，andasifshedidnotknow。`Butwherecanonejumpto？\'
`Oh，itdoesn\'tmatter，\'saidGudrun，somewhatsuperbly。`Ifonejumpsovertheedge，oneisboundtolandsomewhere。\'
`Butisn\'titveryrisky？\'askedUrsula。
AslowmockingsmiledawnedonGudrun\'sface。
`Ah！\'shesaidlaughing。`Whatisitallbutwords！\'Andsoagainsheclosedtheconversation。ButUrsulawasstillbrooding。
`Andhowdoyoufindhome，nowyouhavecomebacktoit？\'sheasked。
Gudrunpausedforsomemoments，coldly，beforeanswering。Then，inacoldtruthfulvoice，shesaid:
`Ifindmyselfcompletelyoutofit。\'
`Andfather？\'
GudrunlookedatUrsula，almostwithresentment，asifbroughttobay。
`Ihaven\'tthoughtabouthim:I\'verefrained，\'shesaidcoldly。
`Yes，\'waveredUrsula;andtheconversationwasreallyatanend。Thesistersfoundthemselvesconfrontedbyavoid，aterrifyingchasm，asiftheyhadlookedovertheedge。
Theyworkedoninsilenceforsometime，Gudrun\'scheekwasflushedwithrepressedemotion。Sheresenteditshavingbeencalledintobeing。
`Shallwegooutandlookatthatwedding？\'sheaskedatlength，inavoicethatwastoocasual。
`Yes！\'criedUrsula，tooeagerly，throwingasidehersewingandleapingup，asiftoescapesomething，thusbetrayingthetensionofthesituationandcausingafrictionofdisliketogooverGudrun\'snerves。
Asshewentupstairs，Ursulawasawareofthehouse，ofherhomeroundabouther。Andsheloathedit，thesordid，too—familiarplace！Shewasafraidatthedepthofherfeelingagainstthehome，themilieu，thewholeatmosphereandconditionofthisobsoletelife。Herfeelingfrightenedher。
ThetwogirlsweresoonwalkingswiftlydownthemainroadofBeldover，awidestreet，partshops，partdwelling—houses，utterlyformlessandsordid，withoutpoverty。Gudrun，newfromherlifeinChelseaandSussex，shrankcruellyfromthisamorphousuglinessofasmallcollierytownintheMidlands。
Yetforwardshewent，throughthewholesordidgamutofpettiness，thelongamorphous，grittystreet。Shewasexposedtoeverystare，shepassedonthroughastretchoftorment。Itwasstrangethatsheshouldhavechosentocomebackandtestthefulleffectofthisshapeless，barrenuglinessuponherself。Whyhadshewantedtosubmitherselftoit，didshestillwanttosubmitherselftoit，theinsufferabletortureoftheseugly，meaninglesspeople，thisdefacedcountryside？Shefeltlikeabeetletoilinginthedust。Shewasfilledwithrepulsion。
Theyturnedoffthemainroad，pastablackpatchofcommon—garden，wheresootycabbagestumpsstoodshameless。Noonethoughttobeashamed。
Noonewasashamedofitall。
`Itislikeacountryinanunderworld，\'saidGudrun。`Thecolliersbringitabove—groundwiththem，shovelitup。Ursula，it\'smarvellous，it\'sreallymarvellous——it\'sreallywonderful，anotherworld。Thepeopleareallghouls，andeverythingisghostly。Everythingisaghoulishreplicaoftherealworld，areplica，aghoul，allsoiled，everythingsordid。It\'slikebeingmad，Ursula。\'
Thesisterswerecrossingablackpaththroughadark，soiledfield。
Ontheleftwasalargelandscape，avalleywithcollieries，andoppositehillswithcornfieldsandwoods，allblackenedwithdistance，asifseenthroughaveilofcrape。Whiteandblacksmokeroseupinsteadycolumns，magicwithinthedarkair。Nearathandcamethelongrowsofdwellings，approachingcurvedupthehill—slope，instraightlinesalongthebrowofthehill。Theywereofdarkenedredbrick，brittle，withdarkslateroofs。Thepathonwhichthesisterswalkedwasblack，trodden—inbythefeetoftherecurrentcolliers，andboundedfromthefieldbyironfences;
thestilethatledagainintotheroadwasrubbedshinybythemoleskinsofthepassingminers。Nowthetwogirlsweregoingbetweensomerowsofdwellings，ofthepoorersort。Women，theirarmsfoldedovertheircoarseaprons，standinggossipingattheendoftheirblock，staredaftertheBrangwensisterswiththatlong，unwearyingstareofaborigines;childrencalledoutnames。
Gudrunwentonherwayhalfdazed。Ifthiswerehumanlife，ifthesewerehumanbeings，livinginacompleteworld，thenwhatwasherownworld，outside？Shewasawareofhergrass—greenstockings，herlargegrass—greenvelourhat，herfullsoftcoat，ofastrongbluecolour。Andshefeltasifsheweretreadingintheair，quiteunstable，herheartwascontracted，asifatanyminuteshemightbeprecipitatedtotheground。Shewasafraid。
SheclungtoUrsula，who，throughlongusagewasinuredtothisviolationofadark，uncreated，hostileworld。Butallthetimeherheartwascrying，asifinthemidstofsomeordeal:`Iwanttogoback，Iwanttogoaway，Iwantnottoknowit，nottoknowthatthisexists。\'Yetshemustgoforward。
Ursulacouldfeelhersuffering。
`Youhatethis，don\'tyou？\'sheasked。
`Itbewildersme，\'stammeredGudrun。
`Youwon\'tstaylong，\'repliedUrsula。
AndGudrunwentalong，graspingatrelease。
Theydrewawayfromthecollieryregion，overthecurveofthehill，intothepurercountryoftheotherside，towardsWilleyGreen。Stillthefaintglamourofblacknesspersistedoverthefieldsandthewoodedhills，andseemeddarklytogleamintheair。Itwasaspringday，chill，withsnatchesofsunshine。Yellowcelandinesshowedoutfromthehedge—bottoms，andinthecottagegardensofWilleyGreen，currant—busheswerebreakingintoleaf，andlittleflowerswerecomingwhiteonthegreyalyssumthathungoverthestonewalls。
Turning，theypasseddownthehigh—road，thatwentbetweenhighbankstowardsthechurch。There，inthelowestbendoftheroad，lowunderthetrees，stoodalittlegroupofexpectantpeople，waitingtoseethewedding。
Thedaughterofthechiefmine—ownerofthedistrict，ThomasCrich，wasgettingmarriedtoanavalofficer。
`Letusgoback，\'saidGudrun，swervingaway。`Thereareallthosepeople。\'
Andshehungwaveringintheroad。
`Nevermindthem，\'saidUrsula，`they\'reallright。Theyallknowme，theydon\'tmatter。\'
`Butmustwegothroughthem？\'askedGudrun。
`They\'requiteallright，really，\'saidUrsula，goingforward。Andtogetherthetwosistersapproachedthegroupofuneasy，watchfulcommonpeople。
Theywerechieflywomen，colliers\'wivesofthemoreshiftlesssort。Theyhadwatchful，underworldfaces。
Thetwosistersheldthemselvestense，andwentstraighttowardsthegate。Thewomenmadewayforthem，butbarelysufficient，asifgrudgingtoyieldground。Thesisterspassedinsilencethroughthestonegatewayandupthesteps，ontheredcarpet，apolicemanestimatingtheirprogress。
`Whatpricethestockings！\'saidavoiceatthebackofGudrun。Asuddenfierceangersweptoverthegirl，violentandmurderous。Shewouldhavelikedthemallannihilated，clearedaway，sothattheworldwasleftclearforher。Howshehatedwalkingupthechurchyardpath，alongtheredcarpet，continuinginmotion，intheirsight。
`Iwon\'tgointothechurch，\'shesaidsuddenly，withsuchfinaldecisionthatUrsulaimmediatelyhalted，turnedround，andbranchedoffupasmallsidepathwhichledtothelittleprivategateoftheGrammarSchool，whosegroundsadjoinedthoseofthechurch。
Justinsidethegateoftheschoolshrubbery，outsidethechurchyard，Ursulasatdownforamomentonthelowstonewallunderthelaurelbushes，torest。Behindher，thelargeredbuildingoftheschoolroseuppeacefully，thewindowsallopenfortheholiday。Overtheshrubs，beforeher，werethepaleroofsandtoweroftheoldchurch。Thesisterswerehiddenbythefoliage。
Gudrunsatdowninsilence。Hermouthwasshutclose，herfaceaverted。
Shewasregrettingbitterlythatshehadevercomeback。Ursulalookedather，andthoughthowamazinglybeautifulshewas，flushedwithdiscomfiture。
ButshecausedaconstraintoverUrsula\'snature，acertainweariness。
Ursulawishedtobealone，freedfromthetightness，theenclosureofGudrun\'spresence。
`Arewegoingtostayhere？\'askedGudrun。
`Iwasonlyrestingaminute，\'saidUrsula，gettingupasifrebuked。
`Wewillstandinthecornerbythefives—court，weshallseeeverythingfromthere。\'
Forthemoment，thesunshinefellbrightlyintothechurchyard，therewasavaguescentofsapandofspring，perhapsofvioletsfromoffthegraves。Somewhitedaisieswereout，brightasangels。Intheair，theunfoldingleavesofacopper—beechwereblood—red。
Punctuallyateleveno\'clock，thecarriagesbegantoarrive。Therewasastirinthecrowdatthegate，aconcentrationasacarriagedroveup，weddingguestsweremountingupthestepsandpassingalongtheredcarpettothechurch。Theywereallgayandexcitedbecausethesunwasshining。
Gudrunwatchedthemclosely，withobjectivecuriosity。Shesaweachoneasacompletefigure，likeacharacterinabook，orasubjectinapicture，oramarionetteinatheatre，afinishedcreation。Shelovedtorecognisetheirvariouscharacteristics，toplacethemintheirtruelight，givethemtheirownsurroundings，settlethemforeverastheypassedbeforeheralongthepathtothechurch。Sheknewthem，theywerefinished，sealedandstampedandfinishedwith，forher。Therewasnonethathadanythingunknown，unresolved，untiltheCrichesthemselvesbegantoappear。Thenherinterestwaspiqued。Herewassomethingnotquitesopreconcluded。
Therecamethemother，MrsCrich，withhereldestsonGerald。Shewasaqueerunkemptfigure，inspiteoftheattemptsthathadobviouslybeenmadetobringherintolinefortheday。Herfacewaspale，yellowish，withaclear，transparentskin，sheleanedforwardrather，herfeatureswerestronglymarked，handsome，withatense，unseeing，predativelook。
Hercolourlesshairwasuntidy，wispsfloatingdownontohersaccoatofdarkbluesilk，fromunderherbluesilkhat。Shelookedlikeawomanwithamonomania，furtivealmost，butheavilyproud。
Hersonwasofafair，sun—tannedtype，ratherabovemiddleheight，well—made，andalmostexaggeratedlywell—dressed。Butabouthimalsowasthestrange，guardedlook，theunconsciousglisten，asifhedidnotbelongtothesamecreationasthepeopleabouthim。Gudrunlightedonhimatonce。Therewassomethingnorthernabouthimthatmagnetisedher。Inhisclearnorthernfleshandhisfairhairwasaglistenlikesunshinerefractedthroughcrystalsofice。Andhelookedsonew，unbroached，pureasanarcticthing。Perhapshewasthirtyyearsold，perhapsmore。Hisgleamingbeauty，maleness，likeayoung，good—humoured，smilingwolf，didnotblindhertothesignificant，sinisterstillnessinhisbearing，thelurkingdangerofhisunsubduedtemper。`Histotemisthewolf，\'sherepeatedtoherself。
`Hismotherisanold，unbrokenwolf。\'Andthensheexperiencedakeenparoxyism，atransport，asifshehadmadesomeincrediblediscovery，knowntonobodyelseonearth。Astrangetransporttookpossessionofher，allherveinswereinaparoxysmofviolentsensation。`GoodGod！\'sheexclaimedtoherself，`whatisthis？\'Andthen，amomentafter，shewassayingassuredly，`Ishallknowmoreofthatman。\'Shewastorturedwithdesiretoseehimagain，anostalgia，anecessitytoseehimagain，tomakesureitwasnotallamistake，thatshewasnotdeludingherself，thatshereallyfeltthisstrangeandoverwhelmingsensationonhisaccount，thisknowledgeofhiminheressence，thispowerfulapprehensionofhim。`AmIreallysingledoutforhiminsomeway，istherereallysomepalegold，arcticlightthatenvelopesonlyustwo？\'sheaskedherself。Andshecouldnotbelieveit，sheremainedinamuse，scarcelyconsciousofwhatwasgoingonaround。
Thebridesmaidswerehere，andyetthebridegroomhadnotcome。Ursulawonderedifsomethingwasamiss，andiftheweddingwouldyetallgowrong。
Shefelttroubled，asifitresteduponher。Thechiefbridesmaidshadarrived。Ursulawatchedthemcomeupthesteps。Oneofthemsheknew，atall，slow，reluctantwomanwithaweightoffairhairandapale，longface。ThiswasHermioneRoddice，afriendoftheCriches。Nowshecamealong，withherheadheldup，balancinganenormousflathatofpaleyellowvelvet，onwhichwerestreaksofostrichfeathers，naturalandgrey。Shedriftedforwardasifscarcelyconscious，herlongblanchedfaceliftedup，nottoseetheworld。Shewasrich。Sheworeadressofsilky，frailvelvet，ofpaleyellowcolour，andshecarriedalotofsmallrose—colouredcyclamens。Hershoesandstockingswereofbrownishgrey，likethefeathersonherhat，herhairwasheavy，shedriftedalongwithapeculiarfixityofthehips，astrangeunwillingmotion。Shewasimpressive，inherlovelypale—yellowandbrownish—rose，yetmacabre，somethingrepulsive。Peopleweresilentwhenshepassed，impressed，roused，wantingtojeer，yetforsomereasonsilenced。Herlong，paleface，thatshecarriedliftedup，somewhatintheRossettifashion，seemedalmostdrugged，asifastrangemassofthoughtscoiledinthedarknesswithinher，andshewasneverallowedtoescape。
Ursulawatchedherwithfascination。Sheknewheralittle。ShewasthemostremarkablewomanintheMidlands。HerfatherwasaDerbyshireBaronetoftheoldschool，shewasawomanofthenewschool，fullofintellectuality，andheavy，nerve—wornwithconsciousness。Shewaspassionatelyinterestedinreform，hersoulwasgivenuptothepubliccause。Butshewasaman\'swoman，itwasthemanlyworldthatheldher。
Shehadvariousintimaciesofmindandsoulwithvariousmenofcapacity。
Ursulaknew，amongthesemen，onlyRupertBirkin，whowasoneoftheschool—inspectorsofthecounty。ButGudrunhadmetothers，inLondon。Movingwithherartistfriendsindifferentkindsofsociety，Gudrunhadalreadycometoknowagoodmanypeopleofreputeandstanding。ShehadmetHermionetwice，buttheydidnottaketoeachother。ItwouldbequeertomeetagaindownhereintheMidlands，wheretheirsocialstandingwassodiverse，aftertheyhadknowneachotherontermsofequalityinthehousesofsundryacquaintancesintown。ForGudrunhadbeenasocialsuccess，andhadherfriendsamongtheslackaristocracythatkeepstouchwiththearts。
Hermioneknewherselftobewell—dressed;sheknewherselftobethesocialequal，ifnotfarthesuperior，ofanyoneshewaslikelytomeetinWilleyGreen。Sheknewshewasacceptedintheworldofcultureandofintellect。ShewasaKulturtrager，amediumforthecultureofideas。Withallthatwashighest，whetherinsocietyorinthoughtorinpublicaction，oreveninart，shewasatone，shemovedamongtheforemost，athomewiththem。Noonecouldputherdown，noonecouldmakemockofher，becauseshestoodamongthefirst，andthosethatwereagainstherwerebelowher，eitherinrank，orinwealth，orinhighassociationofthoughtandprogressandunderstanding。So，shewasinvulnerable。Allherlife，shehadsoughttomakeherselfinvulnerable，unassailable，beyondreachoftheworld\'sjudgment。
Andyethersoulwastortured，exposed。Evenwalkingupthepathtothechurch，confidentasshewasthatineveryrespectshestoodbeyondallvulgarjudgment，knowingperfectlythatherappearancewascompleteandperfect，accordingtothefirststandards，yetshesufferedatorture，underherconfidenceandherpride，feelingherselfexposedtowoundsandtomockeryandtodespite。Shealwaysfeltvulnerable，vulnerable，therewasalwaysasecretchinkinherarmour。Shedidnotknowherselfwhatitwas。Itwasalackofrobustself，shehadnonaturalsufficiency，therewasaterriblevoid，alack，adeficiencyofbeingwithinher。
Andshewantedsomeonetocloseupthisdeficiency，tocloseitupforever。ShecravedforRupertBirkin。Whenhewasthere，shefeltcomplete，shewassufficient，whole。Fortherestoftimeshewasestablishedonthesand，builtoverachasm，and，inspiteofallhervanityandsecurities，anycommonmaid—servantofpositive，robusttempercouldflingherdownthisbottomlesspitofinsufficiency，bytheslightestmovementofjeeringorcontempt。Andallthewhilethepensive，torturedwomanpiledupherowndefencesofaestheticknowledge，andculture，andworld—visions，anddisinterestedness。Yetshecouldneverstopuptheterriblegapofinsufficiency。
IfonlyBirkinwouldformacloseandabidingconnectionwithher，shewouldbesafeduringthisfretfulvoyageoflife。Hecouldmakehersoundandtriumphant，triumphantovertheveryangelsofheaven。Ifonlyhewoulddoit！Butshewastorturedwithfear，withmisgiving。Shemadeherselfbeautiful，shestrovesohardtocometothatdegreeofbeautyandadvantage，whenheshouldbeconvinced。Butalwaystherewasadeficiency。
Hewasperversetoo。Hefoughtheroff，healwaysfoughtheroff。Themoreshestrovetobringhimtoher，themorehebattledherback。Andtheyhadbeenloversnow，foryears。Oh，itwassowearying，soaching;
shewassotired。Butstillshebelievedinherself。Sheknewhewastryingtoleaveher。Sheknewhewastryingtobreakawayfromherfinally，tobefree。Butstillshebelievedinherstrengthtokeephim，shebelievedinherownhigherknowledge。Hisownknowledgewashigh，shewasthecentraltouchstoneoftruth。Sheonlyneededhisconjunctionwithher。
Andthis，thisconjunctionwithher，whichwashishighestfulfilmentalso，withtheperversenessofawilfulchildhewantedtodeny。Withthewilfulnessofanobstinatechild，hewantedtobreaktheholyconnectionthatwasbetweenthem。
Hewouldbeatthiswedding;hewastobegroom\'sman。Hewouldbeinthechurch，waiting。Hewouldknowwhenshecame。Sheshudderedwithnervousapprehensionanddesireasshewentthroughthechurch—door。Hewouldbethere，surelyhewouldseehowbeautifulherdresswas，surelyhewouldseehowshehadmadeherselfbeautifulforhim。Hewouldunderstand，hewouldbeabletoseehowshewasmadeforhim，thefirst，howshewas，forhim，thehighest。Surelyatlasthewouldbeabletoaccepthishighestfate，hewouldnotdenyher。
Inalittleconvulsionoftoo—tiredyearning，sheenteredthechurchandlookedslowlyalonghercheeksforhim，herslenderbodyconvulsedwithagitation。Asbestman，hewouldbestandingbesidethealtar。Shelookedslowly，deferringinhercertainty。
Andthen，hewasnotthere。Aterriblestormcameoverher，asifsheweredrowning。Shewaspossessedbyadevastatinghopelessness。Andsheapproachedmechanicallytothealtar。Neverhadsheknownsuchapangofutterandfinalhopelessness。Itwasbeyonddeath，soutterlynull，desert。
Thebridegroomandthegroom\'smanhadnotyetcome。Therewasagrowingconsternationoutside。Ursulafeltalmostresponsible。Shecouldnotbearitthatthebrideshouldarrive，andnogroom。Theweddingmustnotbeafiasco，itmustnot。
Butherewasthebride\'scarriage，adornedwithribbonsandcockades。
Gailythegreyhorsescurvettedtotheirdestinationatthechurch—gate，alaughterinthewholemovement。Herewasthequickofalllaughterandpleasure。Thedoorofthecarriagewasthrownopen，toletouttheveryblossomoftheday。Thepeopleontheroadwaymurmuredfaintlywiththediscontentedmurmuringofacrowd。
Thefathersteppedoutfirstintotheairofthemorning，likeashadow。
Hewasatall，thin，carewornman，withathinblackbeardthatwastouchedwithgrey。Hewaitedatthedoorofthecarriagepatiently，self—obliterated。
Intheopeningofthedoorwaywasashoweroffinefoliageandflowers，awhitenessofsatinandlace，andasoundofagayvoicesaying:
`HowdoIgetout？\'
Arippleofsatisfactionranthroughtheexpectantpeople。Theypressedneartoreceiveher，lookingwithzestatthestoopingblondheadwithitsflowerbuds，andatthedelicate，white，tentativefootthatwasreachingdowntothestepofthecarriage。Therewasasuddenfoamingrush，andthebridelikeasuddensurf—rush，floatingallwhitebesideherfatherinthemorningshadowoftrees，herveilflowingwithlaughter。