Wearenottiredoftheendlessprocessionsofcheerful，chatteringgossipersthatthrongthesecourtsandstreetsalldaylong，either;norofthecoarse—robedmonks;norofthe\"Asti\"wines，whichthatolddoctor（whomwecalltheOracle），withcustomaryfelicityinthematterofgettingeverythingwrong，misterms\"nasty。\"Butwemustgo，nevertheless。
Ourlastsightwasthecemetery（aburialplaceintendedtoaccommodate60，000bodies），andweshallcontinuetorememberitafterweshallhaveforgottenthepalaces。Itisavastmarblecolonnadedcorridorextendingaroundagreatunoccupiedsquareofground;itsbroadfloorismarble，andoneveryslabisaninscription——foreveryslabcoversacorpse。Oneitherside，asonewalksdownthemiddleofthepassage，aremonuments，tombs，andsculpturedfiguresthatareexquisitelywroughtandarefullofgraceandbeauty。Theyarenewandsnowy;everyoutlineisperfect，everyfeatureguiltlessofmutilation，flaw，orblemish;andtherefore，tousthesefar—reachingranksofbewitchingformsareahundredfoldmorelovelythanthedamagedanddingystatuarytheyhavesavedfromthewreckofancientartandsetupinthegalleriesofParisfortheworshipoftheworld。
Wellprovidedwithcigarsandothernecessariesoflife，wearenowreadytotakethecarsforMilan。
Chapter18
Alldaylongwespedthroughamountainouscountrywhosepeakswerebrightwithsunshine，whosehillsidesweredottedwithprettyvillassittinginthemidstofgardensandshrubbery，andwhosedeepravineswerecoolandshadyandlookedeversoinvitingfromwhereweandthebirdswerewingingourflightthroughthesultryupperair。
Wehadplentyofchillytunnelswhereintocheckourperspiration，though。
Wetimedoneofthem。Weweretwentyminutespassingthroughit，goingattherateofthirtytothirty—fivemilesanhour。
BeyondAlessandriawepassedthebattlefieldofMarengo。
TowardduskwedrewnearMilanandcaughtglimpsesofthecityandthebluemountainpeaksbeyond。Butwewerenotcaringforthesethings——theydidnotinterestusintheleast。Wewereinafeverofimpatience;weweredyingtoseetherenownedcathedral！Wewatched——inthisdirectionandthat——allaround——everywhere。Weneedednoonetopointitout——wedidnotwishanyonetopointitout——wewouldrecognizeiteveninthedesertofthegreatSahara。
Atlast，aforestofgracefulneedles，shimmeringintheambersunlight，roseslowlyabovethepygmyhousetops，asonesometimessees，inthefarhorizon，agildedandpinnacledmassofcloudliftitselfabovethewasteofwaves，atsea——thecathedral！Weknewitinamoment。
Halfofthatnightandallofthenextdaythisarchitecturalautocratwasoursoleobjectofinterest。
Whatawonderitis！Sogrand，sosolemn，sovast！Andyetsodelicate，soairy，sograceful！Averyworldofsolidweight，andyetitseemsinthesoftmoonlightonlyafairydelusionoffrostworkthatmightvanishwithabreath！Howsharplyitspinnacledanglesanditswildernessofspireswerecutagainstthesky，andhowrichlytheirshadowsfelluponitssnowyroof！Itwasavision！——amiracle！——ananthemsunginstone，apoemwroughtinmarble！
Howsoeveryoulookatthegreatcathedral，itisnoble，itisbeautiful！
WhereveryoustandinMilanorwithinsevenmilesofMilan，itisvisibleandwhenitisvisible，nootherobjectcanchainyourwholeattention。
Leaveyoureyesunfetteredbyyourwillbutasingleinstantandtheywillsurelyturntoseekit。Itisthefirstthingyoulookforwhenyouriseinthemorning，andthelastyourlingeringgazerestsuponatnight。Surelyitmustbetheprinceliestcreationthateverbrainofmanconceived。
Atnineo\'clockinthemorningwewentandstoodbeforethismarblecolossus。Thecentraloneofitsfivegreatdoorsisborderedwithabas—reliefofbirdsandfruitsandbeastsandinsects，whichhavebeensoingeniouslycarvedoutofthemarblethattheyseemlikelivingcreatures——andthefiguresaresonumerousandthedesignsocomplexthatonemightstudyitaweekwithoutexhaustingitsinterest。Onthegreatsteeple——surmountingthemyriadofspires——insideofthespires——overthedoors，thewindows——innooksandcomerseverywherethatanicheoraperchcanbefoundabouttheenormousbuilding，fromsummittobase，thereisamarblestatue，andeverystatueisastudyinitself！Raphael，Angelo，Canova——giantslikethesegavebirthtothedesigns，andtheirownpupilscarvedthem。Everyfaceiseloquentwithexpression，andeveryattitudeisfullofgrace。
Awayabove，ontheloftyroof，rankonrankofcarvedandfrettedspiresspringhighintheair，andthroughtheirrichtraceryoneseestheskybeyond。IntheirmidstthecentralsteepletowersproudlyuplikethemainmastofsomegreatIndiamanamongafleetofcoasters。
Wewishedtogoaloft。Thesacristanshowedusamarblestairway（ofcourseitwasmarble，andofthepurestandwhitest——thereisnootherstone，nobrick，nowood，amongitsbuildingmaterials）andtoldustogouponehundredandeighty—twostepsandstoptillhecame。Itwasnotnecessarytosaystop——weshouldhavedonethatanyhow。Weweretiredbythetimewegotthere。Thiswastheroof。Here，springingfromitsbroadmarbleflagstones，werethelongfilesofspires，lookingverytallcloseathand，butdiminishinginthedistancelikethepipesofanorgan。Wecouldseenowthatthestatueonthetopofeachwasthesizeofalargeman，thoughtheyalllookedlikedollsfromthestreet。Wecouldseealsothatfromtheinsideofeachandeveryoneofthesehollowspires，fromsixteentothirty—onebeautifulmarblestatueslookedoutupontheworldbelow。
Fromtheeavestothecomboftheroofstretchedinendlesssuccessiongreatcurvedmarblebeams，likethefore—and—aftbracesofasteamboat，andalongeachbeamfromendtoendstooduparowofrichlycarvedflowersandfruits——eachseparateanddistinctinkind，andover15，000speciesrepresented。Atalittledistancetheserowsseemtoclosetogetherlikethetiesofarailroadtrack，andthentheminglingtogetherofthebudsandblossomsofthismarblegardenformsapicturethatisverycharmingtotheeye。
Wedescendedandentered。Withinthechurch，longrowsofflutedcolumns，likehugemonuments，dividedthebuildingintobroadaisles，andonthefiguredpavementfellmanyasoftblushfromthepaintedwindowsabove。
Iknewthechurchwasverylarge，butIcouldnotfullyappreciateitsgreatsizeuntilInoticedthatthemenstandingfardownbythealtarlookedlikeboys，andseemedtoglide，ratherthanwalk。WeloiteredaboutgazingaloftatthemonsterwindowsallaglowwithbrilliantlycoloredscenesinthelivesoftheSaviourandhisfollowers。Someofthesepicturesaremosaics，andsoartisticallyaretheirthousandparticlesoftintedglassorstoneputtogetherthattheworkhasallthesmoothnessandfinishofapainting。Wecountedsixtypanesofglassinonewindow，andeachpanewasadornedwithoneofthesemasterachievementsofgeniusandpatience。
Theguideshowedusacoffee—coloredpieceofsculpturewhichhesaidwasconsideredtohavecomefromthehandofPhidias，sinceitwasnotpossiblethatanyotherartist，ofanyepoch，couldhavecopiednaturewithsuchfaultlessaccuracy。Thefigurewasthatofamanwithoutaskin;
witheveryvein，artery，muscle，everyfiberandtendonandtissueofthehumanframerepresentedinminutedetail。Itlookednatural，becausesomehowitlookedasifitwereinpain。Askinnedmanwouldbelikelytolookthatwayunlesshisattentionwereoccupiedwithsomeothermatter。Itwasahideousthing，andyettherewasafascinationaboutitsomewhere。
IamverysorryIsawit，becauseIshallalwaysseeitnow。Ishalldreamofitsometimes。Ishalldreamthatitisrestingitscordedarmsonthebed\'sheadandlookingdownonmewithitsdeadeyes;Ishalldreamthatitisstretchedbetweenthesheetswithmeandtouchingmewithitsexposedmusclesanditsstringycoldlegs。
Itishardtoforgetrepulsivethings。IrememberyethowIranofffromschoolonce，whenIwasaboy，andthen，prettylateatnight，concludedtoclimbintothewindowofmyfather\'sofficeandsleeponalounge，becauseIhadadelicacyaboutgoinghomeandgettingthrashed。AsIlayontheloungeandmyeyesgrewaccustomedtothedarkness，IfanciedIcouldseealong，dusky，shapelessthingstretcheduponthefloor。Acoldshiverwentthroughme。Iturnedmyfacetothewall。Thatdidnotanswer。Iwasafraidthatthatthingwouldcreepoverandseizemeinthedark。Iturnedbackandstaredatitforminutesandminutes——theyseemedhours。Itappearedtomethatthelaggingmoonlightnever，neverwouldgettoit。Iturnedtothewallandcountedtwenty，topassthefeverishtimeaway。Ilooked——thepalesquarewasnearer。Iturnedagainandcountedfifty——itwasalmosttouchingit。WithdesperatewillIturnedagainandcountedonehundred，andfacedabout，allinatremble。Awhitehumanhandlayinthemoonlight！
Suchanawfulsinkingattheheart——suchasuddengaspforbreath！Ifelt——I
cannottellwhatIfelt。WhenIrecoveredstrengthenough，Ifacedthewallagain。Butnoboycouldhaveremainedsowiththatmysterioushandbehindhim。Icountedagainandlooked——themostofanakedarmwasexposed。IputmyhandsovermyeyesandcountedtillIcouldstanditnolonger，andthen——thepallidfaceofamanwasthere，withthecornersofthemouthdrawndown，andtheeyesfixedandglassyindeath！Iraisedtoasittingpostureandgloweredonthatcorpsetillthelightcreptdownthebarebreastlinebyline——inchbyinch——pastthenipple——andthenitdisclosedaghastlystab！
Iwentawayfromthere。IdonotsaythatIwentawayinanysortofahurry，butIsimplywent——thatissufficient。Iwentoutatthewindow，andIcarriedthesashalongwithme。Ididnotneedthesash，butitwashandiertotakeitthanitwastoleaveit，andsoItookit。Iwasnotscared，butIwasconsiderablyagitated。
WhenIreachedhome，theywhippedme，butIenjoyedit。Itseemedperfectlydelightful。Thatmanhadbeenstabbedneartheofficethatafternoon，andtheycarriedhimintheretodoctorhim，butheonlylivedanhour。Ihavesleptinthesameroomwithhimoftensincethen——inmydreams。
Nowwewilldescendintothecrypt，underthegrandaltarofMilanCathedral，andreceiveanimpressivesermonfromlipsthathavebeensilentandhandsthathavebeengesturelessforthreehundredyears。
Theprieststoppedinasmalldungeonandhelduphiscandle。Thiswasthelastrestingplaceofagoodman，awarmhearted，unselfishman;amanwhosewholelifewasgiventosuccoringthepoor，encouragingthefainthearted，visitingthesick;inrelievingdistresswheneverandwhereverhefoundit。Hisheart，hishand，andhispursewerealwaysopen。Withhisstoryinone\'smindwecanalmostseehisbenignantcountenancemovingcalmlyamongthehaggardfacesofMilaninthedayswhentheplaguesweptthecity，bravewhereallotherswerecowards，fullofcompassionwherepityhadbeencrushedoutofallotherbreastsbytheinstinctofself—preservationgonemadwithterror，cheeringall，prayingwithall，helpingall，withhandandbrainandpurse，atatimewhenparentsforsooktheirchildren，thefrienddesertedthefriend，andthebrotherturnedawayfromthesisterwhileherpleadingswerestillwailinginhisears。
ThiswasgoodSt。CharlesBorromeo，BishopofMilan。Thepeopleidolizedhim;princeslavisheduncountedtreasuresuponhim。Westoodinhistomb。
Nearbywasthesarcophagus，lightedbythedrippingcandles。Thewallswerefacedwithbas—reliefsrepresentingscenesinhislifedoneinmassivesilver。Thepriestputonashortwhitelacegarmentoverhisblackrobe，crossedhimself，bowedreverently，andbegantoturnawindlassslowly。
Thesarcophagusseparatedintwoparts，lengthwise，andthelowerpartsankdownanddisclosedacoffinofrockcrystalasclearastheatmosphere。
Withinlaythebody，robedincostlyhabilimentscoveredwithgoldembroideryandstarredwithscintillatinggems。Thedecayingheadwasblackwithage，thedryskinwasdrawntighttothebones，theeyesweregone，therewasaholeinthetempleandanotherinthecheek，andtheskinnylipswerepartedasinaghastlysmile！Overthisdreadfulface，itsdustanddecayanditsmockinggrin，hungacrownsownthickwithflashingbrilliants;
anduponthebreastlaycrossesandcrosiersofsolidgoldthatweresplendidwithemeraldsanddiamonds。
Howpoorandcheapandtrivialthesegewgawsseemedinpresenceofthesolemnity，thegrandeur，theawfulmajestyofDeath！ThinkofMilton，Shakespeare，Washington，standingbeforeareverentworldtrickedoutintheglassbeads，thebrassearrings，andtintrumperyofthesavagesoftheplains！DeadBorromeopreachedhispregnantsermon，anditsburdenwas:Youthatworshipthevanitiesofearth——youthatlongforworldlyhonor，worldlywealth，worldlyfame——beholdtheirworth！
Tousitseemedthatsogoodaman，sokindaheart，sosimpleanature，deservedrestandpeaceinagravesacredfromtheintrusionofpryingeyes，andbelievedthathehimselfwouldhavepreferredtohaveitso，butperadventureourwisdomwasatfaultinthisregard。
Aswecameoutuponthefloorofthechurchagain，anotherpriestvolunteeredtoshowusthetreasuresofthechurch。What，more？Thefurnitureofthenarrowchamberofdeathwehadjustvisitedweighedsixmillionsoffrancsinouncesandcaratsalone，withoutapennythrownintotheaccountforthecostlyworkmanshipbestoweduponthem！Butwefollowedintoalargeroomfilledwithtallwoodenpresseslikewardrobes。Hethrewthemopen，andbehold，thecargoesof\"crudebullion\"oftheassayofficesofNevadafadedoutofmymemory。TherewereVirginsandbishopsthere，abovetheirnaturalsize，madeofsolidsilver，eachworth，byweight，fromeighthundredthousandtotwomillionsoffrancs，andbearinggemmedbooksintheirhandswortheightythousand;therewerebas—reliefsthatweighedsixhundredpounds，carvedinsolidsilver;crosiersandcrosses，andcandlestickssixandeightfeethigh，allofvirgingoldandbrilliantwithpreciousstones;andbesidethesewereallmannerofcupsandvasesandsuchthings，richinproportion。ItwasanAladdin\'spalace。Thetreasureshere，bysimpleweight，withoutcountingworkmanship，werevaluedatfiftymillionsoffrancs！IfIcouldgetthecustodyofthemforawhile，Ifearmethemarketpriceofsilverbishopswouldadvanceshortly，onaccountoftheirexceedingscarcityintheCathedralofMilan。
ThepriestsshowedustwoofSt。Paul\'sfingersandoneofSt。Peter\'s;
aboneofJudasIscariot（itwasblack）andalsobonesofalltheotherdisciples;ahandkerchiefinwhichtheSaviourhadlefttheimpressionofhisface。AmongthemostpreciousoftherelicswereastonefromtheHolySepulchre，partofthecrownofthorns（theyhaveawholeoneatNotreDame），afragmentofthepurplerobewornbytheSaviour，anailfromtheCross，andapictureoftheVirginandChildpaintedbytheveritablehandofSt。Luke。ThisisthesecondofSt。Luke\'sVirginswehaveseen。OnceayearalltheseholyrelicsarecarriedinprocessionthroughthestreetsofMilan。
Iliketorevelinthedryestdetailsofthegreatcathedral。Thebuildingisfivehundredfeetlongbyonehundredandeightywide，andtheprincipalsteepleisintheneighborhoodoffourhundredfeethigh。Ithas7，148
marblestatues，andwillhaveupwardsofthreethousandmorewhenitisfinished。Inadditionithasonethousandfivehundredbas—reliefs。Ithasonehundredandthirty—sixspires——twenty—onemorearetobeadded。
Eachspireissurmountedbyastatuesixandahalffeethigh。Everythingaboutthechurchismarble，andallfromthesamequarry;itwasbequeathedtotheArchbishopricforthispurposecenturiesago。Sonothingbutthemereworkmanshipcosts;still，thatisexpensive——thebillfootsupsixhundredandeighty—fourmillionsoffrancsthusfar（considerablyoverahundredmillionsofdollars），anditisestimatedthatitwilltakeahundredandtwentyyearsyettofinishthecathedral。Itlookscomplete，butisfarfrombeingso。Wesawanewstatueputinitsnicheyesterday，alongsideofonewhichhadbeenstandingthesefourhundredyears，theysaid。Therearefourstaircasesleadinguptothemainsteeple，eachofwhichcostahundredthousanddollars，withthefourhundredandeightstatueswhichadornthem。MarcoCompioniwasthearchitectwhodesignedthewonderfulstructuremorethanfivehundredyearsago，andittookhimforty—sixyearstoworkouttheplanandgetitreadytohandovertothebuilders。Heisdeadnow。Thebuildingwasbegunalittlelessthanfivehundredyearsago，andthethirdgenerationhencewillnotseeitcompleted。
Thebuildinglooksbestbymoonlight，becausetheolderportionsofit，beingstainedwithage，contrastunpleasantlywiththenewerandwhiterportions。Itseemssomewhattoobroadforitsheight，butmaybefamiliaritywithitmightdissipatethisimpression。
TheysaythattheCathedralofMilanissecondonlytoSt。Peter\'satRome。Icannotunderstandhowitcanbesecondtoanythingmadebyhumanhands。
Webiditgood—byenow——possiblyforalltime。Howsurely，insomefutureday，whenthememoryofitshallhavelostitsvividness，shallwehalfbelievewehaveseenitinawonderfuldream，butneverwithwakingeyes！
Chapter19
\"Doyouwiszohautcanbe？\"
ThiswaswhattheguideaskedwhenwewerelookingupatthebronzehorsesontheArchofPeace。Itmeant，doyouwishtogoupthere？Igiveitasaspecimenofguide—English。Thesearethepeoplethatmakelifeaburthentothetourist。Theirtonguesareneverstill。Theytalkforeverandforever，andthatisthekindofbillingsgatetheyuse。Inspirationitselfcouldhardlycomprehendthem。Iftheywouldonlyshowyouamasterpieceofart，oravenerabletomb，oraprisonhouse，orabattlefield，hallowedbytouchingmemoriesorhistoricalreminiscences，orgrandtraditions，andthenstepasideandholdstillfortenminutesandletyouthink，itwouldnotbesobad。Buttheyinterrupteverydream，everypleasanttrainofthought，withtheirtiresomecackling。SometimeswhenIhavebeenstandingbeforesomecherishedoldidolofminethatIrememberedyearsandyearsagoinpicturesinthegeographyatschool，IhavethoughtIwouldgiveawholeworldifthehumanparrotatmysidewouldsuddenlyperishwherehestoodandleavemetogazeandponderandworship。
No，wedidnot\"wiszohautcanbe。\"WewishedtogotoLaScala，thelargesttheaterintheworld，Ithinktheycallit。Wedidso。Itwasalargeplace。Sevenseparateanddistinctmassesofhumanity——sixgreatcirclesandamonsterparquette。
WewishedtogototheAmbrosianLibrary，andwedidthatalso。WesawamanuscriptofVergil，withannotationsinthehandwritingofPetrarch，thegentlemanwholovedanotherman\'sLauraandlavisheduponherallthroughlifealovewhichwasaclearwasteoftherawmaterial。Itwassoundsentiment，butbadjudgment。Itbroughtbothpartiesfameandcreatedafountainofcommiserationfortheminsentimentalbreaststhatisrunningyet。ButwhosaysawordinbehalfofpoorMr。Laura？（Idonotknowhisothername。）
Whoglorifieshim？Whobedewshimwithtears？Whowritespoetryabouthim？
Nobody。Howdoyousupposehelikedthestateofthingsthathasgiventheworldsomuchpleasure？Howdidheenjoyhavinganothernfollowinghiswifeeverywhereandmakinghernameafamiliarwordineverygarlic—exterminatingmouthinItalywithhissonnetstoherpreemptedeyebrows？Theygotfameandsympathy——hegotneither。Thisisapeculiarlyfelicitousinstanceofwhatiscalledpoeticaljustice。Itisallveryfine，butitdoesnotchimewithmynotionsofright。Itistooone—sided——tooungenerous。
LettheworldgoonfrettingaboutLauraandPetrarchifitwill;butasforme，mytearsandmylamentationsshallbelavishedupontheunsungdefendant。
WesawalsoanautographletterofLucreziaBorgia，aladyforwhomIhavealwaysentertainedthehighestrespect，onaccountofherrarehistrioniccapabilities，heropulenceinsolidgoldgobletsmadeofgildedwood，herhighdistinctionasanoperaticscreamer，andthefacilitywithwhichshecouldorderasextuplefuneralandgetthecorpsesreadyforit。WesawonesinglecoarseyellowhairfromLucrezia\'shead，likewise。Itawokeemotions，butwestilllive。InthissamelibrarywesawsomedrawingsbyMichelangelo（theseItalianscallhimMickelangelo）andLeonardodaVinci。（TheyspellitVinciandpronounceitVinchy;foreignersalwaysspellbetterthantheypronounce。）Wereserveouropinionofthesesketches。
Inanotherbuildingtheyshowedusafrescorepresentingsomelionsandotherbeastsdrawingchariots;andtheyseemedtoprojectsofarfromthewallthatwetookthemtobesculptures。Theartisthadshrewdlyheightenedthedelusionbypaintingdustonthecreatures\'backs，asifithadfallentherenaturallyandproperly。Smartfellow——ifitbesmarttodeceivestrangers。
ElsewherewesawahugeRomanamphitheater，withitsstoneseatsstillingoodpreservation。Modernized，itisnowthesceneofmorepeacefulrecreationsthantheexhibitionofapartyofwildbeastswithChristiansfordinner。PartofthetimetheMilaneseuseitforaracetrack，andatotherseasonstheyflooditwithwaterandhavespiritedyachtingregattasthere。Theguidetoldusthesethings，andhewouldhardlytrysohazardousanexperimentasthetellingofafalsehood，whenitisallhecandotospeakthetruthinEnglishwithoutgettingthelockjaw。
Inanotherplacewewereshownasortofsummerarborwithafencebeforeit。Wesaidthatwasnothing。Welookedagainandsaw，throughthearbor，anendlessstretchofgardenandshrubberyandgrassylawn。Wewereperfectlywillingtogointhereandrest，butitcouldnotbedone。Itwasonlyanotherdelusionspaintingbysomeingeniousartistwithlittlecharityinhisheartfortiredfolk。Thedeceptionwasperfect。Noonecouldhaveimaginedtheparkwasnotreal。Weeventhoughtwesmelledtheflowersatfirst。
Wegotacarriageattwilightanddroveintheshadedavenueswiththeothernobility，andafterdinnerwetookwineandicesinafinegardenwiththegreatpublic。Themusicwasexcellent，theflowersandshrubberywerepleasanttotheeye，thescenewasvivacious，everybodywasgenteelandwellbehaved，andtheladieswereslightlymoustached，andhandsomelydressed，butveryhomely。
Weadjournedtoacaféandplayedbilliardsanhour，andImadesixorsevenpointsbythedoctorpocketinghisball，andhemadeasmanybymypocketingmyball。Wecamenearmakingacaromsometimes，butnottheoneweweretryingtomake。ThetablewasoftheusualEuropeanstyle——cushionsdeadandtwiceashighastheballs;thecuesinbadrepair。Thenativesplayonlyasortofpoolonthem。WehaveneverseenanybodyplayingtheFrenchthree—ballgameyet，andIdoubtifthereisanysuchgameknowninFranceorthattherelivesanymanmadenoughtotrytoplayitononeoftheseEuropeantables。WebadtostopplayingfinallybecauseDangottosleepingfifteenminutesbetweenthecountsandpayingnoattentiontohismarking。
Afterwardwewalkedupanddownoneofthemostpopularstreetsforsometime，enjoyingotherpeople\'scomfortandwishingwecouldexportsomeofittoourrestless，driving，vitality—consumingmartsathome。
JustinthisonematterliesthemaincharmoflifeinEurope——comfort。
InAmericawehurry——whichiswell;butwhentheday\'sworkisdone，wegoonthinkingoflossesandgains，weplanforthemorrow，weevencarryourbusinesscarestobedwithus，andtossandworryoverthemwhenweoughttoberestoringourrackedbodiesandbrainswithsleep。Weburnupourenergieswiththeseexcitements，andeitherdieearlyordropintoaleanandmeanoldageatatimeoflifewhichtheycallaman\'sprimeinEurope。Whenanacreofgroundhasproducedlongandwell，weletitliefallowandrestforaseason;wetakenomanclearacrossthecontinentinthesamecoachhestartedin——thecoachisstabledsomewhereontheplainsanditsheatedmachineryallowedtocootforafewdays;whenarazorhasseenlongserviceandrefusestoholdanedge，thebarberlaysitawayforafewweeks，andtheedgecomesbackofitsownaccord。Webestowthoughtfulcareuponinanimateobjects，butnoneuponourselves。
Whatarobustpeople，whatanationofthinkerswemightbe，ifwewouldonlylayourselvesontheshelfoccasionallyandrenewouredges！
IdoenvytheseEuropeansthecomforttheytake。Whentheworkofthedayisdone，theyforgetit。Someofthemgo，withwifeandchildren，toabeerhallandsitquietlyandgenteellydrinkingamugortwoofaleandlisteningtomusic;otherswalkthestreets，othersdriveintheavenues;
othersassembleinthegreatornamentalsquaresintheearlyeveningtoenjoythesightandthefragranceofflowersandtohearthemilitarybandsplay——noEuropeancitybeingwithoutitsfinemilitarymusicateventide;
andyetothersofthepopulacesitintheopenairinfrontoftherefreshmenthousesandeaticesanddrinkmildbeveragesthatcouldnotharmachild。
Theygotobedmoderatelyearlyandsleepwell。Theyarealwaysquiet，alwaysorderly，alwayscheerful，comfortable，andappreciativeoflifeanditsmanifoldblessings。Oneneverseesadrunkenmanamongthem。Thechangethathascomeoverourlittlepartyissurprising。Daybydaywelosesomeofourrestlessnessandabsorbsomeofthespiritofquietudeandeasethatisinthetranquilatmosphereaboutusandinthedemeanorofthepeople。Wegrowwiseapace。Webegintocomprehendwhatlifeisfor。
WehavehadabathinMilan，inapublicbathhouse。Theyweregoingtoputallthreeofusinonebathtub，butweobjected。EachofushadanItalianfarmonhisback。Wecouldhavefeltaffluentifwehadbeenofficiallysurveyedandfencedin。Wechosetohavethreebathtubs，andlargeones——tubssuitedtothedignityofaristocratswhohadrealestateandbroughtitwiththem。Afterwewerestrippedandhadtakenthefirstchillydash，wediscoveredthathauntingatrocitythathasembitteredourlivesinsomanycitiesandvillagesofItalyandFrance——therewasnosoap。Icalled。Awomananswered，andIbarelyhadtimetothrowmyselfagainstthedoor——shewouldhavebeenin，inanothersecond。Isaid:
\"Beware，woman！Goawayfromhere——goawaynoworitwillbetheworseforyou。Iamanunprotectedmale，butIwillpreservemyhonorattheperilofmylife！\"
Thesewordsmusthavefrightenedher，forshescurriedawayveryfast。
Dan\'svoiceroseontheair:
\"Oh，bringsomesoap，whydon\'tyou！\"
ThereplywasItalian。Danresumed:
\"Soap，youknow——soap。ThatiswhatIwant——soap。S—o—a—p，soap;s—o—p—e，soap;s—o—u—p，soap。Hurryup！Idon\'tknowhowyouIrishspellit，butIwantit。Spellittosuityourself，butfetchit。I\'mfreezing。\"
Iheardthedoctorsayimpressively:
\"Dan，howoftenhavewetoldyouthattheseforeignerscannotunderstandEnglish？Whywillyounotdependuponus？Whywillyounottelluswhatyouwant，andletusaskforitinthelanguageofthecountry？Itwouldsaveusagreatdealofthehumiliationyourreprehensibleignorancecausesus。Iwilladdressthispersoninhismothertongue:\'Here，cospetto！CorpodiBacco！Sacramento！Solferino！Soap，yousonofagun！\'Dan，ifyouwouldletustalkforyou，youwouldneverexposeyourignorantvulgarity。\"
EventhisfluentdischargeofItaliandidnotbringthesoapatonce，buttherewasagoodreasonforit。Therewasnotsuchanarticleabouttheestablishment。Itismybeliefthatthereneverhadbeen。Theyhadtosendfaruptownandtoseveraldifferentplacesbeforetheyfinallygotit，sotheysaid。Wehadtowaittwentyorthirtyminutes。Thesamethinghadoccurredtheeveningbeforeatthehotel。IthinkIhavedivinedthereasonforthisstateofthingsatlast。TheEnglishknowhowtotravelcomfortably，andtheycarrysoapwiththem;otherforeignersdonotusethearticle。
Ateveryhotelwestopatwealwayshavetosendoutforsoap，atthelastmoment，whenwearegroomingourselvesfordinner，andtheyputitinthebillalongwiththecandlesandothernonsense。
InMarseillestheymakehalfthefancytoiletsoapweconsumeinAmerica，buttheMarseillaisesonlyhaveavaguetheoreticalideaofitsuse，whichtheyhaveobtainedfrombooksoftravel，justastheyhaveacquiredanuncertainnotionofcleanshirtsandthepeculiaritiesofthegorillaandothercuriousmatters。ThisremindsmeofpoorBlucher\'snotetothelandlordinParis:PARIS，le7Juillet。MonsieurleLandlord——Sir:Pourquoidon\'tyoumettezsomesavoninyourbedchambers？Est—cequevouspensezIwillstealit？LanuitpasséeyouchargedmepourdeuxchandelleswhenIonlyhadone;hiervousavezchargedmeavecgracewhenIhadnoneatall;toutlesjoursyouarecomingsomefreshgameorotheronme，maisvousnepouvezpasplaythissavondodgeonmetwice。SavonisanecessarydelavietoanybodybutaFrenchman，etjeI\'auraihorsdecethôtelormaketrouble。Youhearme。Allons。BLUCHER。Iremonstratedagainstthesendingofthisnote，becauseitwassomixedupthatthelandlordwouldneverbeabletomakeheadortailofit;butBluchersaidheguessedtheoldmancouldreadtheFrenchofitandaveragetherest。
Blucher\'sFrenchisbadenough，butitisnotmuchworsethantheEnglishonefindsinadvertisementsalloverItalyeveryday。Forinstance，observetheprintedcardofthehotelweshallprobablystopatontheshoresofLakeComo:NOTISHThishotelwhichthebestitisinItalyandmostsuperb，ishandsomelocateonthebestsituationofthelake，withthemostsplendidviewneartheVillasMelzy，totheKingofBelgian，andSerbelloni。Thishotelhaverecentlyenlarge，doofferallcommoditiesonmoderateprice，atthestrangersgentlemenwhowhishspendtheseasonsontheLakeComo。Howisthatforaspecimen？InthehotelisahandsomelittlechapelwhereanEnglishclergymanisemployedtopreachtosuchoftheguestsofthehouseashailfromEnglandandAmerica，andthisfactisalsosetforthinbarbarousEnglishinthesameadvertisement。Wouldn\'tyouhavesupposedthattheadventurouslinguistwhoframedthecardwouldhaveknownenoughtosubmitittothatclergymanbeforehesentittotheprinter？