andtheMissesBrocklehurst,andconductedtoseatsofhonouratthetopoftheroom。Itseemstheyhadcomeinthecarriagewiththeirreverendrelative,andhadbeenconductingarummagingscrutinyoftheroomupstairs,whilehetransactedbusinesswiththehousekeeper,questionedthelaundress,andlecturedthesuperintendent。TheynowproceededtoaddressdiversremarksandreproofstoMissSmith,whowaschargedwiththecareofthelinenandtheinspectionofthedormitories:butIhadnotimetolistentowhattheysaid;othermatterscalledoffandenchainedmyattention。
Hitherto,whilegatheringupthediscourseofMr。BrocklehurstandMissTemple,Ihadnot,atthesametime,neglectedprecautionstosecuremypersonalsafety;whichIthoughtwouldbeeffected,ifI
couldonlyeludeobservation。Tothisend,Ihadsatwellbackontheform,andwhileseemingtobebusywithmysum,hadheldmyslateinsuchamannerastoconcealmyface:Imighthaveescapednotice,hadnotmytreacherousslatesomehowhappenedtoslipfrommyhand,andfallingwithanobtrusivecrash,directlydrawneveryeyeuponme;Iknewitwasallovernow,and,asIstoopedtopickupthetwofragmentsofslate,Iralliedmyforcesfortheworst。Itcame。
\'Acarelessgirl!\'saidMr。Brocklehurst,andimmediatelyafter—
\'Itisthenewpupil,Iperceive。\'AndbeforeIcoulddrawbreath,\'ImustnotforgetIhaveawordtosayrespectingher。\'Thenaloud:
howlouditseemedtome!\'Letthechildwhobrokeherslatecomeforward!\'
OfmyownaccordIcouldnothavestirred;Iwasparalysed:
butthetwogreatgirlswhosatoneachsideofme,setmeonmylegsandpushedmetowardsthedreadjudge,andthenMissTemplegentlyassistedmetohisveryfeet,andIcaughtherwhisperedcounsel—
\'Don\'tbeafraid,Jane,Isawitwasanaccident;youshallnotbepunished。\'
Thekindwhisperwenttomyheartlikeadagger。
\'Anotherminute,andshewilldespisemeforahypocrite,\'
thoughtI;andanimpulseoffuryagainstReed,Brocklehurst,andCo。boundedinmypulsesattheconviction。IwasnoHelenBurns。
\'Fetchthatstool,\'saidMr。Brocklehurst,pointingtoaveryhighonefromwhichamonitorhadjustrisen:itwasbrought。
\'Placethechilduponit。\'
AndIwasplacedthere,bywhomIdon\'tknow:Iwasinnoconditiontonoteparticulars;IwasonlyawarethattheyhadhoistedmeuptotheheightofMr。Brocklehurst\'snose,thathewaswithinayardofme,andthataspreadofshotorangeandpurplesilkpelissesandacloudofsilveryplumageextendedandwavedbelowme。
Mr。Brocklehursthemmed。
\'Ladies,\'saidhe,turningtohisfamily,\'MissTemple,teachers,andchildren,youallseethisgirl?\'
Ofcoursetheydid;forIfelttheireyesdirectedlikeburning—glassesagainstmyscorchedskin。
\'Youseesheisyetyoung;youobserveshepossessestheordinaryformofchildhood;GodhasgraciouslygivenhertheshapethatHehasgiventoallofus;nosignaldeformitypointsheroutasamarkedcharacter。WhowouldthinkthattheEvilOnehadalreadyfoundaservantandagentinher?Yetsuch,Igrievetosay,isthecase。\'
Apause—inwhichIbegantosteadythepalsyofmynerves,andtofeelthattheRubiconwaspassed;andthatthetrial,nolongertobeshirked,mustbefirmlysustained。
\'Mydearchildren,\'pursuedtheblackmarbleclergyman,withpathos,\'thisisasad,amelancholyoccasion;foritbecomesmydutytowarnyou,thatthisgirl,whomightbeoneofGod\'sownlambs,isalittlecastaway:notamemberofthetrueflock,butevidentlyaninterloperandanalien。Youmustbeonyourguardagainsther;youmustshunherexample;ifnecessary,avoidhercompany,excludeherfromyoursports,andshutheroutfromyourconverse。Teachers,youmustwatchher:keepyoureyesonhermovements,weighwellherwords,scrutiniseheractions,punishherbodytosavehersoul:if,indeed,suchsalvationbepossible,for(mytonguefalterswhileI
tellit)thisgirl,thischild,thenativeofaChristianland,worsethanmanyalittleheathenwhosaysitsprayerstoBrahmaandkneelsbeforeJuggernaut—thisgirlis—aliar!\'
Nowcameapauseoftenminutes,duringwhichI,bythistimeinperfectpossessionofmywits,observedallthefemaleBrocklehurstsproducetheirpocket—handkerchiefsandapplythemtotheiroptics,whiletheelderlyladyswayedherselftoandfro,andthetwoyoungeroneswhispered,\'Howshocking!\'
Mr。Brocklehurstresumed。
\'ThisIlearnedfromherbenefactress;fromthepiousandcharitableladywhoadoptedherinherorphanstate,rearedherasherowndaughter,andwhosekindness,whosegenerositytheunhappygirlrepaidbyaningratitudesobad,sodreadful,thatatlastherexcellentpatronesswasobligedtoseparateherfromherownyoungones,fearfullestherviciousexampleshouldcontaminatetheirpurity:shehassentherheretobehealed,evenastheJewsofoldsenttheirdiseasedtothetroubledpoolofBethesda;and,teachers,superintendent,Ibegofyounottoallowthewaterstostagnateroundher。\'
Withthissublimeconclusion,Mr。Brocklehurstadjustedthetopbuttonofhissurtout,mutteredsomethingtohisfamily,whorose,bowedtoMissTemple,andthenallthegreatpeoplesailedinstatefromtheroom。Turningatthedoor,myjudgesaid—
\'Letherstandhalfanhourlongeronthatstool,andletnoonespeaktoherduringtheremainderoftheday。\'
TherewasI,then,mountedaloft;I,whohadsaidIcouldnotbeartheshameofstandingonmynaturalfeetinthemiddleoftheroom,wasnowexposedtogeneralviewonapedestalofinfamy。Whatmysensationswere,nolanguagecandescribe;butjustastheyallrose,stiflingmybreathandconstrictingmythroat,agirlcameupandpassedme:inpassing,sheliftedhereyes。Whatastrangelightinspiredthem!Whatanextraordinarysensationthatraysentthroughme!Howthenewfeelingboremeup!Itwasasifamartyr,ahero,hadpassedaslaveorvictim,andimpartedstrengthinthetransit。I
masteredtherisinghysteria,liftedupmyhead,andtookafirmstandonthestool。HelenBurnsaskedsomeslightquestionsaboutherworkofMissSmith,waschiddenforthetrivialityoftheinquiry,returnedtoherplace,andsmiledatmeassheagainwentby。Whatasmile!I
rememberitnow,andIknowthatitwastheeffluenceoffineintellect,oftruecourage;itlituphermarkedlineaments,herthinface,hersunkengreyeye,likeareflectionfromtheaspectofanangel。YetatthatmomentHelenBurnsworeonherarm\'theuntidybadge;\'scarcelyanhouragoIhadheardhercondemnedbyMissScatcherdtoadinnerofbreadandwateronthemorrowbecauseshehadblottedanexerciseincopyingitout。Suchistheimperfectnatureofman!suchspotsarethereonthediscoftheclearestplanet;andeyeslikeMissScatcherd\'scanonlyseethoseminutedefects,andareblindtothefullbrightnessoftheorb。
chapter08
CHAPTERVIII
EREthehalf—hourended,fiveo\'clockstruck;schoolwasdismissed,andallweregoneintotherefectorytotea。Inowventuredtodescend:itwasdeepdusk;Iretiredintoacornerandsatdownonthefloor。ThespellbywhichIhadbeensofarsupportedbegantodissolve;reactiontookplace,andsoon,sooverwhelmingwasthegriefthatseizedme,Isankprostratewithmyfacetotheground。NowI
wept:HelenBurnswasnothere;nothingsustainedme;lefttomyselfI
abandonedmyself,andmytearswateredtheboards。Ihadmeanttobesogood,andtodosomuchatLowood:tomakesomanyfriends,toearnrespectandwinaffection。AlreadyIhadmadevisibleprogress;thatverymorningIhadreachedtheheadofmyclass;MissMillerhadpraisedmewarmly;MissTemplehadsmiledapprobation;shehadpromisedtoteachmedrawing,andtoletmelearnFrench,ifI
continuedtomakesimilarimprovementtwomonthslonger:andthenI
waswellreceivedbymyfellow—pupils;treatedasanequalbythoseofmyownage,andnotmolestedbyany;now,hereIlayagaincrushedandtroddenon;andcouldIeverrisemore?
\'Never,\'Ithought;andardentlyIwishedtodie。Whilesobbingoutthiswishinbrokenaccents,someoneapproached:Istartedup—
againHelenBurnswasnearme;thefadingfiresjustshowedhercomingupthelong,vacantroom;shebroughtmycoffeeandbread。
\'Come,eatsomething,\'shesaid;butIputbothawayfromme,feelingasifadroporacrumbwouldhavechokedmeinmypresentcondition。Helenregardedme,probablywithsurprise:Icouldnotnowabatemyagitation,thoughItriedhard;Icontinuedtoweepaloud。Shesatdownonthegroundnearme,embracedherkneeswithherarms,andrestedherheaduponthem;inthatattitudesheremainedsilentasanIndian。Iwasthefirstwhospoke—
\'Helen,whydoyoustaywithagirlwhomeverybodybelievestobealiar?\'
\'Everybody,Jane?Why,thereareonlyeightypeoplewhohaveheardyoucalledso,andtheworldcontainshundredsofmillions。\'
\'ButwhathaveItodowithmillions?Theeighty,Iknow,despiseme。\'
\'Jane,youaremistaken:probablynotoneintheschooleitherdespisesordislikesyou:many,Iamsure,pityyoumuch。\'
\'HowcantheypitymeafterwhatMr。Brocklehursthassaid?\'
\'Mr。Brocklehurstisnotagod:norisheevenagreatandadmiredman;heislittlelikedhere;henevertookstepstomakehimselfliked。Hadhetreatedyouasanespecialfavourite,youwouldhavefoundenemies,declaredorcovert,allaroundyou;asitis,thegreaternumberwouldofferyousympathyiftheydared。
Teachersandpupilsmaylookcoldlyonyouforadayortwo,butfriendlyfeelingsareconcealedintheirhearts;andifyoupersevereindoingwell,thesefeelingswillerelongappearsomuchthemoreevidentlyfortheirtemporarysuppression。Besides,Jane\'—
shepaused。
\'Well,Helen?\'saidI,puttingmyhandintohers:shechafedmyfingersgentlytowarmthem,andwenton—
\'Ifalltheworldhatedyou,andbelievedyouwicked,whileyourownconscienceapprovedyou,andabsolvedyoufromguilt,youwouldnotbewithoutfriends。\'
\'No;IknowIshouldthinkwellofmyself;butthatisnotenough:ifothersdon\'tlovemeIwouldratherdiethanlive—Icannotbeartobesolitaryandhated,Helen。Lookhere;togainsomerealaffectionfromyou,orMissTemple,oranyotherwhomItrulylove,Iwouldwillinglysubmittohavetheboneofmyarmbroken,ortoletabulltossme,ortostandbehindakickinghorse,andletitdashitshoofatmychest—\'
\'Hush,Jane!youthinktoomuchoftheloveofhumanbeings;
youaretooimpulsive,toovehement;thesovereignhandthatcreatedyourframe,andputlifeintoit,hasprovidedyouwithotherresourcesthanyourfeebleself,orthancreaturesfeebleasyou。
Besidesthisearth,andbesidestheraceofmen,thereisaninvisibleworldandakingdomofspirits:thatworldisroundus,foritiseverywhere;andthosespiritswatchus,fortheyarecommissionedtoguardus;andifweweredyinginpainandshame,ifscornsmoteusonallsides,andhatredcrushedus,angelsseeourtortures,recogniseourinnocence(ifinnocentwebe:asIknowyouareofthischargewhichMr。BrocklehursthasweaklyandpompouslyrepeatedatsecondhandfromMrs。Reed;forIreadasincerenatureinyourardenteyesandonyourclearfront),andGodwaitsonlytheseparationofspiritfromfleshtocrownuswithafullreward。Why,then,shouldweeversinkoverwhelmedwithdistress,whenlifeissosoonover,anddeathissocertainanentrancetohappiness—toglory?\'
Iwassilent;Helenhadcalmedme;butinthetranquillitysheimpartedtherewasanalloyofinexpressiblesadness。Ifelttheimpressionofwoeasshespoke,butIcouldnottellwhenceitcame;
andwhen,havingdonespeaking,shebreathedalittlefastandcoughedashortcough,Imomentarilyforgotmyownsorrowstoyieldtoavagueconcernforher。
RestingmyheadonHelen\'sshoulder,Iputmyarmsroundherwaist;
shedrewmetoher,andwereposedinsilence。Wehadnotsatlongthus,whenanotherpersoncamein。Someheavyclouds,sweptfromtheskybyarisingwind,hadleftthemoonbare;andherlight,streaminginthroughawindownear,shonefullbothonusandontheapproachingfigure,whichweatoncerecognisedasMissTemple。
\'Icameonpurposetofindyou,JaneEyre,\'saidshe;\'I
wantyouinmyroom;andasHelenBurnsiswithyou,shemaycometoo。\'
Wewent;followingthesuperintendent\'sguidance,wehadtothreadsomeintricatepassages,andmountastaircasebeforewereachedherapartment;itcontainedagoodfire,andlookedcheerful。MissTempletoldHelenBurnstobeseatedinalowarm—chairononesideofthehearth,andherselftakinganother,shecalledmetoherside。
\'Isitallover?\'sheasked,lookingdownatmyface。\'Haveyoucriedyourgriefaway?\'
\'IamafraidInevershalldothat。\'
\'Why?\'
\'BecauseIhavebeenwronglyaccused;andyou,ma\'am,andeverybodyelse,willnowthinkmewicked。\'
\'Weshallthinkyouwhatyouproveyourselftobe,mychild。
Continuetoactasagoodgirl,andyouwillsatisfyus。\'
\'ShallI,MissTemple?\'
\'Youwill,\'saidshe,passingherarmroundme。\'AndnowtellmewhoistheladywhomMr。Brocklehurstcalledyourbenefactress?\'
\'Mrs。Reed,myuncle\'swife。Myuncleisdead,andheleftmetohercare。\'
\'Didshenot,then,adoptyouofherownaccord?\'
\'No,ma\'am;shewassorrytohavetodoit:butmyuncle,asIhaveoftenheardtheservantssay,gothertopromisebeforehediedthatshewouldalwayskeepme。\'
\'Wellnow,Jane,youknow,oratleastIwilltellyou,thatwhenacriminalisaccused,heisalwaysallowedtospeakinhisowndefence。
Youhavebeenchargedwithfalsehood;defendyourselftomeaswellasyoucan。Saywhateveryourmemorysuggestsastrue;butaddnothingandexaggeratenothing。\'
Iresolved,inthedepthofmyheart,thatIwouldbemostmoderate—mostcorrect;and,havingreflectedafewminutesinordertoarrangecoherentlywhatIhadtosay,Itoldherallthestoryofmysadchildhood。Exhaustedbyemotion,mylanguagewasmoresubduedthanitgenerallywaswhenitdevelopedthatsadtheme;andmindfulofHelen\'swarningsagainsttheindulgenceofresentment,Iinfusedintothenarrativefarlessofgallandwormwoodthanordinary。Thusrestrainedandsimplified,itsoundedmorecredible:IfeltasI
wentonthatMissTemplefullybelievedme。
InthecourseofthetaleIhadmentionedMr。Lloydashavingcometoseemeafterthefit:forIneverforgotthe,tome,frightfulepisodeofthered—room:indetailingwhich,myexcitementwassure,insomedegree,tobreakbounds;fornothingcouldsofteninmyrecollectionthespasmofagonywhichclutchedmyheartwhenMrs。Reedspurnedmywildsupplicationforpardon,andlockedmeasecondtimeinthedarkandhauntedchamber。
Ihadfinished:MissTempleregardedmeafewminutesinsilence;
shethensaid—
\'IknowsomethingofMr。Lloyd;Ishallwritetohim;ifhisreplyagreeswithyourstatement,youshallbepubliclyclearedfromeveryimputation;tome,Jane,youareclearnow。\'
Shekissedme,andstillkeepingmeatherside(whereIwaswellcontentedtostandforIderivedachild\'spleasurefromthecontemplationofherface,herdress,heroneortwoornaments,herwhiteforehead,herclusteredandshiningcurls,andbeamingdarkeyes),sheproceededtoaddressHelenBurns。
\'Howareyouto—night,Helen?Haveyoucoughedmuchto—day?\'
\'Notquitesomuch,Ithink,ma\'am。\'
\'Andthepaininyourchest?\'
\'Itisalittlebetter。\'
MissTemplegotup,tookherhandandexaminedherpulse;
thenshereturnedtoherownseat:assheresumedit,Iheardhersighlow。
Shewaspensiveafewminutes,thenrousingherself,shesaidcheerfully—
\'Butyoutwoaremyvisitorsto—night;Imusttreatyouassuch。\'
Sherangherbell。
\'Barbara,\'shesaidtotheservantwhoansweredit,\'I
havenotyethadtea;bringthetrayandplacecupsforthesetwoyoungladies。\'
Andatraywassoonbrought。Howpretty,tomyeyes,didthechinacupsandbrightteapotlook,placedonthelittleroundtablenearthefire!Howfragrantwasthesteamofthebeverage,andthescentofthetoast!ofwhich,however,I,tomydismay(forIwasbeginningtobehungry),discernedonlyaverysmallportion:MissTemplediscernedittoo。
\'Barbara,\'saidshe,\'canyounotbringalittlemorebreadandbutter?Thereisnotenoughforthree。\'
Barbarawentout:shereturnedsoon—
\'Madam,Mrs。Hardensaysshehassentuptheusualquantity。\'
Mrs。Harden,beitobserved,wasthehousekeeper:awomanafterMr。
Brocklehurst\'sownheart,madeupofequalpartsofwhaleboneandiron。
\'Oh,verywell!\'returnedMissTemple;\'wemustmakeitdo,Barbara,Isuppose。\'Andasthegirlwithdrewsheadded,smiling,\'Fortunately,Ihaveitinmypowertosupplydeficienciesforthisonce。\'
HavinginvitedHelenandmetoapproachthetable,andplacedbeforeeachofusacupofteawithonedeliciousbutthinmorseloftoast,shegotup,unlockedadrawer,andtakingfromitaparcelwrappedinpaper,disclosedpresentlytooureyesagood—sizedseed—cake。
\'Imeanttogiveeachofyousomeofthistotakewithyou,\'saidshe,\'butasthereissolittletoast,youmusthaveitnow,\'andsheproceededtocutsliceswithageneroushand。
Wefeastedthateveningasonnectarandambrosia;andnottheleastdelightoftheentertainmentwasthesmileofgratificationwithwhichourhostessregardedus,aswesatisfiedourfamishedappetitesonthedelicatefaresheliberallysupplied。
Teaoverandthetrayremoved,sheagainsummonedustothefire;
wesatoneoneachsideofher,andnowaconversationfollowedbetweenherandHelen,whichitwasindeedaprivilegetobeadmittedtohear。
MissTemplehadalwayssomethingofserenityinherair,ofstateinhermien,ofrefinedproprietyinherlanguage,whichprecludeddeviationintotheardent,theexcited,theeager:somethingwhichchastenedthepleasureofthosewholookedonherandlistenedtoher,byacontrollingsenseofawe;andsuchwasmyfeelingnow:butastoHelenBurns,Iwasstruckwithwonder。
Therefreshingmeal,thebrilliantfire,thepresenceandkindnessofherbelovedinstructress,or,perhaps,morethanallthese,somethinginherownuniquemind,hadrousedherpowerswithinher。Theywoke,theykindled:first,theyglowedinthebrighttintofhercheek,whichtillthishourIhadneverseenbutpaleandbloodless;thentheyshoneintheliquidlustreofhereyes,whichhadsuddenlyacquiredabeautymoresingularthanthatofMissTemple\'s—abeautyneitheroffinecolournorlongeyelash,norpencilledbrow,butofmeaning,ofmovement,ofradiance。Thenhersoulsatonherlips,andlanguageflowed,fromwhatsourceIcannottell。Hasagirloffourteenaheartlargeenough,vigorousenough,toholdtheswellingspringofpure,full,fervideloquence?SuchwasthecharacteristicofHelen\'sdiscourseonthat,tome,memorableevening;
herspiritseemedhasteningtolivewithinaverybriefspanasmuchasmanyliveduringaprotractedexistence。
TheyconversedofthingsIhadneverheardof;ofnationsandtimespast;ofcountriesfaraway;ofsecretsofnaturediscoveredorguessedat:theyspokeofbooks:howmanytheyhadread!Whatstoresofknowledgetheypossessed!ThentheyseemedsofamiliarwithFrenchnamesandFrenchauthors:butmyamazementreacheditsclimaxwhenMissTempleaskedHelenifshesometimessnatchedamomenttorecalltheLatinherfatherhadtaughther,andtakingabookfromashelf,badeherreadandconstrueapageofVirgil;andHelenobeyed,myorganofvenerationexpandingateverysoundingline。Shehadscarcelyfinishederethebellannouncedbedtime!nodelaycouldbeadmitted;MissTempleembracedusboth,saying,asshedrewustoherheart—
\'Godblessyou,mychildren!\'
Helensheheldalittlelongerthanme:shelethergomorereluctantly;itwasHelenhereyefollowedtothedoor;itwasforhersheasecondtimebreathedasadsigh;forhershewipedatearfromhercheek。
Onreachingthebedroom,weheardthevoiceofMissScatcherd:
shewasexaminingdrawers;shehadjustpulledoutHelenBurns\'s,andwhenweenteredHelenwasgreetedwithasharpreprimand,andtoldthatto—morrowsheshouldhavehalfadozenofuntidilyfoldedarticlespinnedtohershoulder。
\'Mythingswereindeedinshamefuldisorder,\'murmuredHelentome,inalowvoice:\'Iintendedtohavearrangedthem,butIforgot。\'
Nextmorning,MissScatcherdwroteinconspicuouscharactersonapieceofpasteboardtheword\'Slattern,\'andbounditlikeaphylacteryroundHelen\'slarge,mild,intelligent,andbenign—lookingforehead。Sheworeittillevening,patient,unresentful,regardingitasadeservedpunishment。ThemomentMissScatcherdwithdrewafterafternoonschool,IrantoHelen,toreitoff,andthrustitintothefire:thefuryofwhichshewasincapablehadbeenburninginmysoulallday,andtears,hotandlarge,hadcontinuallybeenscaldingmycheek;forthespectacleofhersadresignationgavemeanintolerablepainattheheart。
Aboutaweeksubsequentlytotheincidentsabovenarrated,MissTemple,whohadwrittentoMr。Lloyd,receivedhisanswer:itappearedthatwhathesaidwenttocorroboratemyaccount。MissTemple,havingassembledthewholeschool,announcedthatinquiryhadbeenmadeintothechargesallegedagainstJaneEyre,andthatshewasmosthappytobeabletopronouncehercompletelyclearedfromeveryimputation。Theteachersthenshookhandswithmeandkissedme,andamurmurofpleasureranthroughtheranksofmycompanions。
Thusrelievedofagrievousload,Ifromthathoursettoworkafresh,resolvedtopioneermywaythrougheverydifficulty:I
toiledhard,andmysuccesswasproportionatetomyefforts;mymemory,notnaturallytenacious,improvedwithpractice;exercisesharpenedmywits;inafewweeksIwaspromotedtoahigherclass;
inlessthantwomonthsIwasallowedtocommenceFrenchanddrawing。I
learnedthefirsttwotensesoftheverbEtre,andsketchedmyfirstcottage(whosewalls,bythebye,outrivalledinslopethoseoftheleaningtowerofPisa),onthesameday。Thatnight,ongoingtobed,IforgottoprepareinimaginationtheBarmecidesupperofhotroastpotatoes,orwhitebreadandnewmilk,withwhichIwaswonttoamusemyinwardcravings:Ifeastedinsteadonthespectacleofidealdrawings,whichIsawinthedark;alltheworkofmyownhands:
freelypencilledhousesandtrees,picturesquerocksandruins,Cuyp—likegroupsofcattle,sweetpaintingsofbutterflieshoveringoverunblownroses,ofbirdspickingatripecherries,ofwrens\'nestsenclosingpearl—likeeggs,wreathedaboutwithyoungivysprays。I
examined,too,inthought,thepossibilityofmyeverbeingabletotranslatecurrentlyacertainlittleFrenchstorywhichMadamePierrothadthatdayshownme;norwasthatproblemsolvedtomysatisfactionereIfellsweetlyasleep。
WellhasSolomonsaid—\'Betterisadinnerofherbswhereloveis,thanastalledoxandhatredtherewith。\'
IwouldnotnowhaveexchangedLowoodwithallitsprivationsforGatesheadanditsdailyluxuries。
chapter09CHAPTERIX
BUTtheprivations,orratherthehardships,ofLowoodlessened。
Springdrewon:shewasindeedalreadycome;thefrostsofwinterhadceased;itssnowsweremelted,itscuttingwindsameliorated。Mywretchedfeet,flayedandswollentolamenessbythesharpairofJanuary,begantohealandsubsideunderthegentlerbreathingsofApril;thenightsandmorningsnolongerbytheirCanadiantemperaturefrozetheverybloodinourveins;wecouldnowenduretheplay—hourpassedinthegarden:sometimesonasunnydayitbeganeventobepleasantandgenial,andagreennessgrewoverthosebrownbeds,which,fresheningdaily,suggestedthethoughtthatHopetraversedthematnight,andlefteachmorningbrightertracesofhersteps。
Flowerspeepedoutamongsttheleaves;snowdrops,crocuses,purpleauriculas,andgolden—eyedpansies。OnThursdayafternoons(half—holidays)wenowtookwalks,andfoundstillsweeterflowersopeningbythewayside,underthehedges。
Idiscovered,too,thatagreatpleasure,anenjoymentwhichthehorizononlybounded,layalloutsidethehighandspike—guardedwallsofourgarden:thispleasureconsistedinprospectofnoblesummitsgirdlingagreathill—hollow,richinverdureandshadow;inabrightbeck,fullofdarkstonesandsparklingeddies。HowdifferenthadthisscenelookedwhenIvieweditlaidoutbeneaththeironskyofwinter,stiffenedinfrost,shroudedwithsnow!—whenmistsaschillasdeathwanderedtotheimpulseofeastwindsalongthosepurplepeaks,androlleddown\'ing\'andholmtilltheyblendedwiththefrozenfogofthebeck!Thatbeckitselfwasthenatorrent,turbidandcurbless:ittoreasunderthewood,andsentaravingsoundthroughtheair,oftenthickenedwithwildrainorwhirlingsleet;andfortheforestonitsbanks,thatshowedonlyranksofskeletons。
ApriladvancedtoMay:abright,sereneMayitwas;daysofbluesky,placidsunshine,andsoftwesternorsoutherngalesfilledupitsduration。Andnowvegetationmaturedwithvigour;Lowoodshooklooseitstresses;itbecameallgreen,allflowery;itsgreatelm,ash,andoakskeletonswererestoredtomajesticlife;woodlandplantssprangupprofuselyinitsrecesses;unnumberedvarietiesofmossfilleditshollows,anditmadeastrangeground—sunshineoutofthewealthofitswildprimroseplants:Ihaveseentheirpalegoldgleaminovershadowedspotslikescatteringsofthesweetestlustre。AllthisI
enjoyedoftenandfully,free,unwatched,andalmostalone:forthisunwontedlibertyandpleasuretherewasacause,towhichitnowbecomesmytasktoadvert。
HaveInotdescribedapleasantsiteforadwelling,whenIspeakofitasbosomedinhillandwood,andrisingfromthevergeofastream?Assuredly,pleasantenough:butwhetherhealthyornotisanotherquestion。
Thatforest—dell,whereLowoodlay,wasthecradleoffogandfog—bredpestilence;which,quickeningwiththequickeningspring,creptintotheOrphanAsylum,breathedtyphusthroughitscrowdedschoolroomanddormitory,and,ereMayarrived,transformedtheseminaryintoanhospital。
Semi—starvationandneglectedcoldshadpredisposedmostofthepupilstoreceiveinfection:forty—fiveoutoftheeightygirlslayillatonetime。Classeswerebrokenup,rulesrelaxed。Thefewwhocontinuedwellwereallowedalmostunlimitedlicense;becausethemedicalattendantinsistedonthenecessityoffrequentexercisetokeeptheminhealth:andhaditbeenotherwise,noonehadleisuretowatchorrestrainthem。MissTemple\'swholeattentionwasabsorbedbythepatients:shelivedinthesick—room,neverquittingitexcepttosnatchafewhours\'restatnight。Theteacherswerefullyoccupiedwithpackingupandmakingothernecessarypreparationsforthedepartureofthosegirlswhowerefortunateenoughtohavefriendsandrelationsableandwillingtoremovethemfromtheseatofcontagion。Many,alreadysmitten,wenthomeonlytodie:somediedattheschool,andwereburiedquietlyandquickly,thenatureofthemaladyforbiddingdelay。
WhilediseasehadthusbecomeaninhabitantofLowood,anddeathitsfrequentvisitor;whiletherewasgloomandfearwithinitswalls;
whileitsroomsandpassagessteamedwithhospitalsmells,thedrugandthepastillestrivingvainlytoovercometheeffluviaofmortality,thatbrightMayshoneuncloudedovertheboldhillsandbeautifulwoodlandoutofdoors。Itsgarden,too,glowedwithflowers:
hollyhockshadsprunguptallastrees,lilieshadopened,tulipsandroseswereinbloom;thebordersofthelittlebedsweregaywithpinkthriftandcrimsondoubledaisies;thesweetbriarsgaveout,morningandevening,theirscentofspiceandapples;andthesefragranttreasureswerealluselessformostoftheinmatesofLowood,excepttofurnishnowandthenahandfulofherbsandblossomstoputinacoffin。