第2章
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  JustHeaven!whatdidInotsuffersomedaysafterwards,whenIunitedaroundmeatdinner,forthelasttime,allthefriendswhohadbeendearesttomeinthedaysofmyworldlylife!Whatwordscandescribethetumultofmyheartwhenoneofmyguestssaidtome,\"YouaregivingustoogoodadinnerforaWednesdayinPassionWeek;\"andwhenanotheranswered,jestingly,\"Youforgetthatthisisherfarewelldinnertoherfriends!\"Ifeltreadytofaintwhiletheyweretalking,androsefromtablepretextingasanexcuse,thatIhadapaymenttomakethatevening,whichIcouldnotinhonourdeferanylonger。Thecompanyrosewithme,andsawmetothedoor。Igotintomycarriage,andthecompanyreturnedtotable。MynerveswereinsuchastatethatI

  shriekedatthefirstcrackofthecoachman\'swhip;andthecompanycamerunningdownagaintoknowwhatwasthematter。Oneofmyservantscleverlystoppedthemfromallhurryingouttothecarriagetogether,bydeclaringthatthescreamproceededfrommyadoptedorphan。Uponthistheyreturnedquietlyenoughtotheirwine,andIdroveoffwithmygeneralconfessiontothevicarofSaintSulpice。

  Myinterviewwiththevicarlastedthreehours。HisjoyatdiscoveringthatIwasinastateofgracewasextreme。Myownemotionswerequiteindescribable。LateatnightIreturnedtomyownhouse,andfoundmyguestsallgone。Iemployedmyselfinwritingfarewellletterstothemanagerandcompanyofthetheatre,andinmakingthenecessaryarrangementsforsendingbackmyadoptedorphantohisfriends,withtwentypistoles。Finally,Idirectedtheservantstosay,ifanybodyenquiredaftermethenextday,thatIhadgoneoutoftownforsometime;andafterthat,atfiveo\'clockinthemorning,IleftmyhomeinParisnevertoreturntoitagain。

  BythistimeIhadthoroughlyrecoveredmytranquillity。IwasaseasyinmymindatleavingmyhouseasIamnowwhenIquitmycelltosinginthechoir。Suchalreadywasthehappyresultofmyperpetualmasses,mygeneralconfession,andmythreehours\'interviewwiththevicarofSaintSulpice。

  Beforetakingleaveoftheworld,IwenttoVersaillestosaygood-byetomyworthypatrons,CardinalFleuryandtheDukedeGesvres。Fromthem,IwenttomassintheKing\'sChapel;andafterthat,IcalledonaladyofVersailleswhomIhadmortallyoffended,forthepurposeofmakingmypeacewithher。Shereceivedmeangrilyenough。ItoldherI

  hadnotcometojustifymyself,buttoaskherpardon。Ifshegrantedit,shewouldsendmeawayhappy。Ifshedeclinedtobereconciled,Providencewouldprobablybesatisfiedwithmysubmission,butcertainlynotwithherrefusal。Shefelttheforceofthisargument;andwemadeituponthespot。

  IleftVersaillesimmediatelyafterwards,withouttakinganythingtoeat;theactofhumilitywhichIhadjustperformedbeingasgoodasamealtome。

  Towardsevening,IenteredthehouseoftheCommunityofSaintPerpetuaatParis。Ihadorderedalittleroomtobefurnishedthereforme,untiltheinventoryofmyworldlyeffectswascompleted,anduntilI

  couldconcludemyarrangementsforenteringaconvent。Onfirstinstallingmyself,Ibegantofeelhungryatlast,andbeggedtheSuperioroftheCommunitytogivemeforsupperanythingthatremainedfromthedinnerofthehouse。Theyhadnothingbutalittlestewedcarp,ofwhichIeatwithanexcellentappetite。Marvelloustorelate,althoughIhadbeenabletokeepnothingonmystomachforthepastthreemonths,althoughIhadbeendreadfullysickafteralittlericesoupontheeveningbefore,thestewedcarpofthesisterhoodofSaintPerpetua,withsomenutsafterwardsfordessert,agreedwithmecharmingly,andIsleptallthroughthenightafterwardsaspeacefullyasachild!

  Whenthenewsofmyretirementbecamepublic,itoccasionedgreattalkinParis。VariouspeopleassignedvariousreasonsforthestrangecoursethatIhadtaken。Nobody,however,believedthatIhadquittedtheworldintheprimeofmylife(Iwasthenthirty-oneyearsold),nevertoreturntoitagain。Meanwhile,myinventorywasfinishedandmygoodsweresold。Oneofmyfriendssentaletter,entreatingmetoreconsidermydetermination。Mymindwasmadeup,andIwrotetosayso。Whenmygoodshadbeenallsold,IleftParistogoandliveincognitoasaparlour-boarderintheConventoftheUrsulinenunsofPondevaux。HereIwishedtotrythemodeoflifeforalittlewhilebeforeIassumedtheseriousresponsibilityoftakingtheveil。Iknewmyowncharacter——Irememberedmyearlyhorroroftotalseclusion,andmyinveteratedisliketothecompanyofwomenonly;and,movedbytheseconsiderations,Iresolved,nowthatIhadtakenthefirstimportantstep,toproceedinthefuturewithcaution。

  ThenunsofPondevauxreceivedmeamongthemwithgreatkindness。Theygavemealargeroom,whichIpartitionedoffintothreesmallones。I

  assistedatallthepiousexercisesoftheplace。Deceivedbymyfashionableappearanceandmyplumpfigure,thegoodnunstreatedmeasifIwasapersonofhighdistinction。Thisafflictedme,andI

  undeceivedthem。WhentheyknewwhoIreallywas,theyonlybehavedtowardsmewithstillgreaterkindness。Ipassedmytimeinreadingandpraying,andledthequietest,sweetestlifeitispossibletoconceive。

  Aftertenmonths\'sojournatPondevaux,IwenttoLyons,andentered(stillasparlour-boarderonly)theHouseofAnticaille,occupiedbythenunsoftheOrderofSaintMary。Here,Ienjoyedtheadvantageofhavingfordirectorofmyconsciencethatholyman,FatherDeveaux。HebelongedtotheOrderoftheJesuits;andhewasgoodenough,whenI

  firstaskedhimforadvice,tosuggestthatIshouldgetupateleveno\'clockatnighttosaymyprayers,andshouldremainabsorbedindevotionuntilmidnight。Inobediencetothedirectionsofthissaintlyperson,IkeptmyselfawakeaswellasIcouldtilleleveno\'clock。I

  thengotonmykneeswithgreatfervour,andIblushtoconfessit,immediatelyfellasfastasleepasadormouse。Thiswentonforseveralnights,whenFatherDeveauxfindingthatmymidnightdevotionswererathertoomuchforme,wassoobligingastoprescribeanotherspeciesofpiousexercise,inaletterwhichhewrotetomewithhisownhand。

  Theholyfather,afterdeeplyregrettingmyinabilitytokeepawake,informedmethathehadanewactofpenitencetosuggesttomebytheperformanceofwhichImightstillhopetoexpiatemysins。Hethen,intheplainestterms,advisedmetohaverecoursetothedisciplineofflagellation,everyFriday,usingthecat-o\'-nine-tailsonmybareshouldersforthelengthoftimethatitwouldtaketorepeataMiserere。Inconclusion,heinformedmethatthenunsofAnticaillewouldprobablylendmethenecessaryinstrumentofflagellation;but,iftheymadeanydifficultyaboutit,hewasbenevolentlyreadytofurnishmewithanewandspecialcat-o\'-nine-tailsofhisownmaking。

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