amusedherwiththedetailsofthefestiveday，thesplendoursofthebridalpartyandofthebrideherself，sheoftensighedandshookherhead，andwishedgoodmightcomeofit；sheseemed，likeme，toregarditratherasathemeforsorrowthanrejoicing。
I
satalongtimetalkingtoheraboutthatandotherthings-butnoonecame。
ShallIconfessthatIsometimeslookedtowardsthedoorwithahalf-expectantwishtoseeitopenandgiveentrancetoMr。Weston，ashadhappenedoncebefore？andthat，returningthroughthelanesandfields，Ioftenpausedtolookroundme，andwalkedmoreslowlythanwasatallnecessary-for，thoughafineevening，itwasnotahotone-and，finally，feltasenseofemptinessanddisappointmentathavingreachedthehousewithoutmeetingorevencatchingadistantglimpseofanyone，exceptafewlabourersreturningfromtheirwork？
Sunday，however，wasapproaching:Ishouldseehimthen:
fornowthatMissMurraywasgone，Icouldhavemyoldcorneragain。I
shouldseehim，andbylook，speech，andmanner，Imightjudgewhetherthecircumstanceofhermarriagehadverymuchafflictedhim。HappilyIcouldperceivenoshadowofadifference:
heworethesameaspectashehadworntwomonthsago-voice，look，manner，allalikeunchanged:therewasthesamekeen-sighted，uncloudedtruthfulnessinhisdiscourse，thesameforcibleclearnessinhisstyle，thesameearnestsimplicityinallhesaidanddid，thatmadeitself，notmarkedbytheeyeandear，butfeltupontheheartsofhisaudience。
IwalkedhomewithMissMatilda；butHEDIDNOTJOINUS。Matildawasnowsadlyatalossforamusement，andwofullyinwantofacompanion:herbrothersatschool，hersistermarriedandgone，shetooyoungtobeadmittedintosociety；forwhich，fromRosalie\'sexample，shewasinsomedegreebeginningtoacquireataste-atasteatleastforthecompanyofcertainclassesofgentlemen；atthisdulltimeofyear-nohuntinggoingon，noshootingeven-for，thoughshemightnotjoininthat，itwasSOMETHINGtoseeherfatherorthegamekeepergooutwiththedogs，andtotalkwiththemontheirreturn，aboutthedifferentbirdstheyhadbagged。Now，also，shewasdeniedthesolacewhichthecompanionshipofthecoachman，grooms，horses，greyhounds，andpointersmighthaveafforded；forhermotherhaving，notwithstandingthedisadvantagesofacountrylife，sosatisfactorilydisposedofherelderdaughter，theprideofherhearthadbegunseriouslytoturnherattentiontotheyounger；
and，beingtrulyalarmedattheroughnessofhermanners，andthinkingithightimetoworkareform，hadbeenrousedatlengthtoexertherauthority，andprohibitedentirelytheyards，stables，kennels，andcoachhouse。Ofcourse，shewasnotimplicitlyobeyed；
but，indulgentasshehadhithertobeen，whenonceherspiritwasroused，hertemperwasnotsogentleassherequiredthatofhergovernessestobe，andherwillwasnottobethwartedwithimpunity。Aftermanyasceneofcontentionbetweenmotheranddaughter，manyaviolentoutbreakwhichIwasashamedtowitness，inwhichthefather\'sauthoritywasoftencalledintoconfirmwithoathsandthreatsthemother\'sslightedprohibitions-forevenHE
couldseethat\'Tilly，thoughshewouldhavemadeafinelad，wasnotquitewhatayoungladyoughttobe\'-Matildaatlengthfoundthathereasiestplanwastokeepclearoftheforbiddenregions；
unlessshecouldnowandthenstealavisitwithoutherwatchfulmother\'sknowledge。
Amidallthis，letitnotbeimaginedthatIescapedwithoutmanyareprimand，andmanyanimpliedreproach，thatlostnoneofitsstingfromnotbeingopenlyworded；butratherwoundedthemoredeeply，because，fromthatveryreason，itseemedtoprecludeself-
defence。Frequently，IwastoldtoamuseMissMatildawithotherthings，andtoremindherofhermother\'spreceptsandprohibitions。Ididsotothebestofmypower:butshewouldnotbeamusedagainstherwill，andcouldnotagainsthertaste；andthoughIwentbeyondmerereminding，suchgentleremonstrancesasI
couldusewereutterlyineffectual。
\'DEARMissGrey!itistheSTRANGESTthing。Isupposeyoucan\'thelpit，ifit\'snotinyournature-butIWONDERyoucan\'twintheconfidenceofthatgirl，andmakeyoursocietyatLEASTasagreeabletoherasthatofRobertorJoseph!\'
\'Theycantalkthebestaboutthethingsinwhichsheismostinterested，\'Ireplied。
\'Well!thatisastrangeconfession，HOWEVER，tocomefromherGOVERNESS!Whoistoformayounglady\'stastes，Iwonder，ifthegovernessdoesn\'tdoit？Ihaveknowngovernesseswhohavesocompletelyidentifiedthemselveswiththereputationoftheiryoungladiesforeleganceandproprietyinmindandmanners，thattheywouldblushtospeakawordagainstthem；andtoheartheslightestblameimputedtotheirpupilswasworsethantobecensuredintheirownpersons-andIreallythinkitverynatural，formypart。\'
\'Doyou，ma\'am？\'
\'Yes，ofcourse:theyounglady\'sproficiencyandeleganceisofmoreconsequencetothegovernessthanherown，aswellastotheworld。Ifshewishestoprosperinhervocationshemustdevoteallherenergiestoherbusiness:allherideasandallherambitionwilltendtotheaccomplishmentofthatoneobject。Whenwewishtodecideuponthemeritsofagoverness，wenaturallylookattheyoungladiessheprofessestohaveeducated，andjudgeaccordingly。TheJUDICIOUSgovernessknowsthis:sheknowsthat，whileshelivesinobscurityherself，herpupils\'virtuesanddefectswillbeopentoeveryeye；andthat，unlessshelosessightofherselfintheircultivation，sheneednothopeforsuccess。
Yousee，MissGrey，itisjustthesameasanyothertradeorprofession:theythatwishtoprospermustdevotethemselvesbodyandsoultotheircalling；andiftheybegintoyieldtoindolenceorself-indulgencetheyarespeedilydistancedbywisercompetitors:thereislittletochoosebetweenapersonthatruinsherpupilsbyneglect，andonethatcorruptsthembyherexample。
Youwillexcusemydroppingtheselittlehints:youknowitisallforyourowngood。Manyladieswouldspeaktoyoumuchmorestrongly；andmanywouldnottroublethemselvestospeakatall，butquietlylookoutforasubstitute。That，ofcourse，wouldbetheEASIESTplan:butIknowtheadvantagesofaplacelikethistoapersoninyoursituation；andIhavenodesiretopartwithyou，asIamsureyouwoulddoverywellifyouwillonlythinkofthesethingsandtrytoexertyourselfaLITTLEmore:then，I
amconvinced，youwouldSOONacquirethatdelicatetactwhichaloneiswantingtogiveyouaproperinfluenceoverthemindofyourpupil。\'
Iwasabouttogivetheladysomeideaofthefallacyofherexpectations；butshesailedawayassoonasshehadconcludedherspeech。Havingsaidwhatshewished，itwasnopartofherplantoawaitmyanswer:itwasmybusinesstohear，andnottospeak。
However，asIhavesaid，Matildaatlengthyieldedinsomedegreetohermother\'sauthoritypityithadnotbeenexertedbefore；
andbeingthusdeprivedofalmosteverysourceofamusement，therewasnothingforitbuttotakelongrideswiththegroomandlongwalkswiththegoverness，andtovisitthecottagesandfarmhousesonherfather\'sestate，tokilltimeinchattingwiththeoldmenandwomenthatinhabitedthem。Inoneofthesewalks，itwasourchancetomeetMr。Weston。ThiswaswhatIhadlongdesired；butnow，foramoment，IwishedeitherheorIwereaway:IfeltmyheartthrobsoviolentlythatIdreadedlestsomeoutwardsignsofemotionshouldappear；butIthinkhehardlyglancedatme，andI
wassooncalmenough。Afterabriefsalutationtoboth，heaskedMatildaifshehadlatelyheardfromhersister。
\'Yes，\'repliedshe。\'ShewasatPariswhenshewrote，andverywell，andveryhappy。\'
Shespokethelastwordemphatically，andwithaglanceimpertinentlysly。Hedidnotseemtonoticeit，butreplied，withequalemphasis，andveryseriously-
\'Ihopeshewillcontinuetobeso。\'
\'Doyouthinkitlikely？\'Iventuredtoinquire:forMatildahadstartedoffinpursuitofherdog，thatwaschasingaleveret。
\'Icannottell，\'repliedhe。\'SirThomasmaybeabettermanthanIsuppose；but，fromallIhaveheardandseen，itseemsapitythatonesoyoungandgay，and-andinteresting，toexpressmanythingsbyoneword-whosegreatest，ifnotheronlyfault，appearstobethoughtlessness-notriflingfaulttobesure，sinceitrendersthepossessorliabletoalmosteveryother，andexposeshimtosomanytemptations-butitseemsapitythatsheshouldbethrownawayonsuchaman。Itwashermother\'swish，Isuppose？\'
\'Yes；andherowntoo，Ithink，forshealwayslaughedatmyattemptstodissuadeherfromthestep。\'
\'Youdidattemptit？Then，atleast，youwillhavethesatisfactionofknowingthatitisnofaultofyours，ifanyharmshouldcomeofit。AsforMrs。Murray，Idon\'tknowhowshecanjustifyherconduct:ifIhadsufficientacquaintancewithher，I\'daskher。\'
\'Itseemsunnatural:butsomepeoplethinkrankandwealththechiefgood；and，iftheycansecurethatfortheirchildren，theythinktheyhavedonetheirduty。\'
\'True:butisitnotstrangethatpersonsofexperience，whohavebeenmarriedthemselves，shouldjudgesofalsely？\'Matildanowcamepantingback，withthelaceratedbodyoftheyounghareinherhand。
\'Wasityourintentiontokillthathare，ortosaveit，MissMurray？\'askedMr。Weston，apparentlypuzzledathergleefulcountenance。
\'Ipretendedtowanttosaveit，\'sheanswered，honestlyenough，\'asitwassoglaringlyoutofseason；butIwasbetterpleasedtoseeitlolled。However，youcanbothwitnessthatIcouldn\'thelpit:Princewasdeterminedtohaveher；andheclutchedherbytheback，andkilledherinaminute!Wasn\'titanoblechase？\'
\'Very!forayoungladyafteraleveret。\'
Therewasaquietsarcasminthetoneofhisreplywhichwasnotlostuponher；sheshruggedhershoulders，and，turningawaywithasignificant\'Humph!\'askedmehowIhadenjoyedthefun。IrepliedthatIsawnofuninthematter；butadmittedthatIhadnotobservedthetransactionverynarrowly。
\'Didn\'tyouseehowitdoubled-justlikeanoldhare？anddidn\'tyouhearitscream？\'
\'I\'mhappytosayIdidnot。\'
\'Itcriedoutjustlikeachild。\'
\'Poorlittlething!Whatwillyoudowithit？\'
\'Comealong-Ishallleaveitinthefirsthousewecometo。
I
don\'twanttotakeithome，forfearpapashouldscoldmeforlettingthedogkillit。\'
Mr。Westonwasnowgone，andwetoowentonourway；butaswereturned，afterhavingdepositedthehareinafarm-house，anddemolishedsomespice-cakeandcurrant-wineinexchange，wemethimreturningalsofromtheexecutionofhismission，whateveritmightbe。Hecarriedinhishandaclusterofbeautifulbluebells，whichheofferedtome；observing，withasmile，thatthoughhehadseensolittleofmeforthelasttwomonths，hehadnotforgottenthatblue-bellswerenumberedamongmyfavouriteflowers。Itwasdoneasasimpleactofgoodwill，withoutcomplimentorremarkablecourtesy，oranylookthatcouldbeconstruedinto\'reverential，tenderadoration\'VIDERosalieMurray；butstill，itwassomethingtofindmyunimportantsayingsowellremembered:itwassomethingthathehadnoticedsoaccuratelythetimeIhadceasedtobevisible。
\'Iwastold，\'saidhe，\'thatyouwereaperfectbookworm，MissGrey:socompletelyabsorbedinyourstudiesthatyouwerelosttoeveryotherpleasure。\'
\'Yes，andit\'squitetrue!\'criedMatilda。
\'No，Mr。Weston:don\'tbelieveit:it\'sascandalouslibel。
Theseyoungladiesaretoofondofmakingrandomassertionsattheexpenseoftheirfriends；andyououghttobecarefulhowyoulistentothem。\'
\'IhopeTHISassertionisgroundless，atanyrate。\'
\'Why？Doyouparticularlyobjecttoladiesstudying？\'
\'No；butIobjecttoanyonesodevotinghimselforherselftostudy，astolosesightofeverythingelse。Exceptunderpeculiarcircumstances，Iconsiderverycloseandconstantstudyasawasteoftime，andaninjurytothemindaswellasthebody。\'
\'Well，Ihaveneitherthetimenortheinclinationforsuchtransgressions。\'
Wepartedagain。
Well!whatisthereremarkableinallthis？WhyhaveIrecordedit？Because，reader，itwasimportantenoughtogivemeacheerfulevening，anightofpleasingdreams，andamorningoffelicitoushopes。Shallow-brainedcheerfulness，foolishdreams，unfoundedhopes，youwouldsay；andIwillnotventuretodenyit:
suspicionstothateffectarosetoofrequentlyinmyownmind。
Butourwishesareliketinder:theflintandsteelofcircumstancesarecontinuallystrikingoutsparks，whichvanishimmediately，unlesstheychancetofalluponthetinderofourwishes；then，theyinstantlyignite，andtheflameofhopeiskindledinamoment。
Butalas!thatverymorning，myflickeringflameofhopewasdismallyquenchedbyaletterfrommymother，whichspokesoseriouslyofmyfather\'sincreasingillness，thatIfearedtherewaslittleornochanceofhisrecovery；and，closeathandastheholidayswere，Ialmosttrembledlesttheyshouldcometoolateformetomeethiminthisworld。Twodaysafter，aletterfromMarytoldmehislifewasdespairedof，andhisendseemedfastapproaching。Then，immediately，Isoughtpermissiontoanticipatethevacation，andgowithoutdelay。Mrs。Murraystared，andwonderedattheunwontedenergyandboldnesswithwhichIurgedtherequest，andthoughttherewasnooccasiontohurry；butfinallygavemeleave:stating，however，thattherewas\'noneedtobeinsuchagitationaboutthematter-itmightproveafalsealarmafterall；andifnot-why，itwasonlyinthecommoncourseofnature:wemustalldiesometime；andIwasnottosupposemyselftheonlyafflictedpersonintheworld；\'andconcludingwithsayingImighthavethephaetontotakemetoO。\'AndinsteadofREPINING，MissGrey，bethankfulforthePRIVILEGESyouenjoy。
There\'smanyapoorclergymanwhosefamilywouldbeplungedintoruinbytheeventofhisdeath；butyou，yousee，haveinfluentialfriendsreadytocontinuetheirpatronage，andtoshowyoueveryconsideration。\'
Ithankedherforher\'consideration，\'andflewtomyroomtomakesomehurriedpreparationsformydeparture。Mybonnetandshawlbeingon，andafewthingshastilycrammedintomylargesttrunk，I
descended。ButImighthavedonetheworkmoreleisurely，fornooneelsewasinahurry；andIhadstillaconsiderabletimetowaitforthephaeton。Atlengthitcametothedoor，andIwasoff:but，oh，whatadrearyjourneywasthat!howutterlydifferentfrommyformerpassageshomewards!Beingtoolateforthelastcoachto-，Ihadtohireacabfortenmiles，andthenacartotakemeovertheruggedhills。
Itwashalf-pasttenbeforeIreachedhome。Theywerenotinbed。
Mymotherandsisterbothmetmeinthepassage-sad-silent-
pale!Iwassomuchshockedandterror-strickenthatIcouldnotspeak，toasktheinformationIsomuchlongedyetdreadedtoobtain。
\'Agnes!\'saidmymother，strugglingtorepresssomestrongemotion。
\'Oh，Agnes!\'criedMary，andburstintotears。
\'Howishe？\'Iasked，gaspingfortheanswer。
\'Dead!\'
ItwasthereplyIhadanticipated:buttheshockseemednonethelesstremendous。
chapter19
CHAPTERXIX-THELETTER
MYfather\'smortalremainshadbeenconsignedtothetomb；andwe，withsadfacesandsombregarments，satlingeringoverthefrugalbreakfast-table，revolvingplansforourfuturelife。Mymother\'sstrongmindhadnotgivenwaybeneatheventhisaffliction:herspirit，thoughcrushed，wasnotbroken。Mary\'swishwasthatI
shouldgobacktoHortonLodge，andthatourmothershouldcomeandlivewithherandMr。Richardsonatthevicarage:sheaffirmedthathewisheditnolessthanherself，andthatsuchanarrangementcouldnotfailtobenefitallparties；formymother\'ssocietyandexperiencewouldbeofinestimablevaluetothem，andtheywoulddoalltheycouldtomakeherhappy。Butnoargumentsorentreatiescouldprevail:mymotherwasdeterminednottogo。
Notthatshequestioned，foramoment，thekindwishesandintentionsofherdaughter；butsheaffirmedthatsolongasGodsparedherhealthandstrength，shewouldmakeuseofthemtoearnherownlivelihood，andbechargeabletonoone；whetherherdependencewouldbefeltasaburdenornot。Ifshecouldaffordtoresideasalodgerin-vicarage，shewouldchoosethathousebeforeallothersastheplaceofherabode；butnotbeingsocircumstanced，shewouldnevercomeunderitsroof，exceptasanoccasionalvisitor:unlesssicknessorcalamityshouldrenderherassistancereallyneedful，oruntilageorinfirmitymadeherincapableofmaintainingherself。
\'No，Mary，\'saidshe，\'ifRichardsonandyouhaveanythingtospare，youmustlayitasideforyourfamily；andAgnesandImustgatherhoneyforourselves。Thankstomyhavinghaddaughterstoeducate，Ihavenotforgottenmyaccomplishments。Godwilling，I
willcheckthisvainrepining，\'shesaid，whilethetearscoursedoneanotherdownhercheeksinspiteofherefforts；butshewipedthemaway，andresolutelyshakingbackherhead，continued，\'Iwillexertmyself，andlookoutforasmallhouse，commodiouslysituatedinsomepopulousbuthealthydistrict，wherewewilltakeafewyoungladiestoboardandeducate-ifwecangetthem-andasmanydaypupilsaswillcome，oraswecanmanagetoinstruct。
Yourfather\'srelationsandoldfriendswillbeabletosendussomepupils，ortoassistuswiththeirrecommendations，nodoubt:
Ishallnotapplytomyown。Whatsayyoutoit，Agnes？willyoubewillingtoleaveyourpresentsituationandtry？\'
\'Quitewilling，mamma；andthemoneyIhavesavedwilldotofurnishthehouse。Itshallbetakenfromthebankdirectly。\'
\'Whenitiswanted:wemustgetthehouse，andsettleonpreliminariesfirst。\'
Maryofferedtolendthelittleshepossessed；butmymotherdeclinedit，sayingthatwemustbeginonaneconomicalplan；andshehopedthatthewholeorpartofmine，addedtowhatwecouldgetbythesaleofthefurniture，andwhatlittleourdearpapahadcontrivedtolayasideforhersincethedebtswerepaid，wouldbesufficienttolastustillChristmas；when，itwashoped，somethingwouldaccruefromourunitedlabours。Itwasfinallysettledthatthisshouldbeourplan；andthatinquiriesandpreparationsshouldimmediatelybesetonfoot；andwhilemymotherbusiedherselfwiththese，IshouldreturntoHortonLodgeatthecloseofmyfourweeks\'vacation，andgivenoticeformyfinaldeparturewhenthingswereintrainforthespeedycommencementofourschool。
WewerediscussingtheseaffairsonthemorningIhavementioned，aboutafortnightaftermyfather\'sdeath，whenaletterwasbroughtinformymother，onbeholdingwhichthecolourmountedtoherface-latelypaleenoughwithanxiouswatchingsandexcessivesorrow。\'Frommyfather!\'murmuredshe，asshehastilytoreoffthecover。Itwasmanyyearssinceshehadheardfromanyofherownrelationsbefore。Naturallywonderingwhatthelettermightcontain，Iwatchedhercountenancewhileshereadit，andwassomewhatsurprisedtoseeherbiteherlipandknitherbrowsasifinanger。Whenshehaddone，shesomewhatirreverentlycastitonthetable，sayingwithascornfulsmile，-\'Yourgrandpapahasbeensokindastowritetome。HesayshehasnodoubtIhavelongrepentedofmy\"unfortunatemarriage，\"andifIwillonlyacknowledgethis，andconfessIwaswronginneglectinghisadvice，andthatIhavejustlysufferedforit，hewillmakealadyofmeonceagain-ifthatbepossibleaftermylongdegradation-andremembermygirlsinhiswill。Getmydesk，Agnes，andsendthesethingsaway:Iwillanswertheletterdirectly。Butfirst，asI
maybedeprivingyoubothofalegacy，itisjustthatIshouldtellyouwhatImeantosay。IshallsaythatheismistakeninsupposingthatIcanregretthebirthofmydaughterswhohavebeentheprideofmylife，andarelikelytobethecomfortofmyoldage，orthethirtyyearsIhavepassedinthecompanyofmybestanddearestfriend；-that，hadourmisfortunesbeenthreetimesasgreatastheywereunlesstheyhadbeenofmybringingon，Ishouldstillthemorerejoicetohavesharedthemwithyourfather，andadministeredwhatconsolationIwasable；and，hadhissufferingsinillnessbeententimeswhattheywore，Icouldnotregrethavingwatchedoverandlabouredtorelievethem；-that，ifhehadmarriedaricherwife，misfortunesandtrialswouldnodoubthavecomeuponhimstill；whileIamegotistenoughtoimaginethatnootherwomancouldhavecheeredhimthroughthemsowell:notthatIamsuperiortotherest，butIwasmadeforhim，andheforme；andIcannomorerepentthehours，days，yearsofhappinesswehavespenttogether，andwhichneithercouldhavehadwithouttheother，thanIcantheprivilegeofhavingbeenhisnurseinsickness，andhiscomfortinaffliction。
\'Willthisdo，children？-orshallIsayweareallverysorryforwhathashappenedduringthelastthirtyyears，andmydaughterswishtheyhadneverbeenborn；butsincetheyhavehadthatmisfortune，theywillbethankfulforanytrifletheirgrandpapawillbekindenoughtobestow？\'
Ofcourse，webothapplaudedourmother\'sresolution；Maryclearedawaythebreakfastthings；Ibroughtthedesk；theletterwasquicklywrittenanddespatched；and，fromthatday，weheardnomoreofourgrandfather，tillwesawhisdeathannouncedinthenewspaperaconsiderabletimeafter-allhisworldlypossessions，ofcourse，beinglefttoourwealthyunknowncousins。
chapter20
CHAPTERXX-THEFAREWELL
AHOUSEinA-，thefashionablewatering-place，washiredforourseminary；andapromiseoftwoorthreepupilswasobtainedtocommencewith。IreturnedtoHortonLodgeaboutthemiddleofJuly，leavingmymothertoconcludethebargainforthehouse，toobtainmorepupils，toselloffthefurnitureofouroldabode，andtofitoutthenewone。
Weoftenpitythepoor，becausetheyhavenoleisuretomourntheirdepartedrelatives，andnecessityobligesthemtolabourthroughtheirseverestafflictions:butisnotactiveemploymentthebestremedyforoverwhelmingsorrow-thesurestantidotefordespair？
Itmaybearoughcomforter:itmayseemhardtobeharassedwiththecaresoflifewhenwehavenorelishforitsenjoyments；tobegoadedtolabourwhentheheartisreadytobreak，andthevexedspiritimploresforrestonlytoweepinsilence:butisnotlabourbetterthantherestwecovet？andarenotthosepetty，tormentingcareslesshurtfulthanacontinualbroodingoverthegreatafflictionthatoppressesus？Besides，wecannothavecares，andanxieties，andtoil，withouthope-ifitbebutthehopeoffulfillingourjoylesstask，accomplishingsomeneedfulproject，orescapingsomefurtherannoyance。Atanyrate，Iwasgladmymotherhadsomuchemploymentforeveryfacultyofheraction-lovingframe。Ourkindneighbourslamentedthatshe，oncesoexaltedinwealthandstation，shouldbereducedtosuchextremityinhertimeofsorrow；butIampersuadedthatshewouldhavesufferedthriceasmuchhadshebeenleftinaffluence，withlibertytoremaininthathouse，thesceneofherearlyhappinessandlateaffliction，andnosternnecessitytopreventherfromincessantlybroodingoverandlamentingherbereavement。
IwillnotdilateuponthefeelingswithwhichIlefttheoldhouse，thewell-knowngarden，thelittlevillagechurch-thendoublydeartome，becausemyfather，who，forthirtyyears，hadtaughtandprayedwithinitswalls，layslumberingnowbeneathitsflags-andtheoldbarehills，delightfulintheirverydesolation，withthenarrowvalesbetween，smilingingreenwoodandsparklingwater-thehousewhereIwasborn，thesceneofallmyearlyassociations，theplacewherethroughoutlifemyearthlyaffectionshadbeencentred；-andleftthemtoreturnnomore!
True，IwasgoingbacktoHortonLodge，where，amidmanyevils，onesourceofpleasureyetremained:butitwaspleasuremingledwithexcessivepain；andmystay，alas!waslimitedtosixweeks。Andevenofthatprecioustime，dayafterdayslippedbyandIdidnotseehim:exceptatchurch，Ineversawhimforafortnightaftermyreturn。Itseemedalongtimetome:and，asIwasoftenoutwithmyramblingpupil，ofcoursehopeswouldkeeprising，anddisappointmentswouldensue；andthen，Iwouldsaytomyownheart，\'Hereisaconvincingproof-ifyouwouldbuthavethesensetoseeit，orthecandourtoacknowledgeit-thathedoesnotcareforyou。IfheonlythoughtHALFasmuchaboutyouasyoudoabouthim，hewouldhavecontrivedtomeetyoumanytimeserethis:
youmustknowthat，byconsultingyourownfeelings。Therefore，havedonewiththisnonsense:youhavenogroundforhope:dismiss，atonce，thesehurtfulthoughtsandfoolishwishesfromyourmind，andturntoyourownduty，andthedullblanklifethatliesbeforeyou。Youmighthaveknownsuchhappinesswasnotforyou。\'
ButIsawhimatlast。HecamesuddenlyuponmeasIwascrossingafieldinreturningfromavisittoNancyBrown，whichIhadtakentheopportunityofpayingwhileMatildaMurraywasridinghermatchlessmare。HemusthaveheardoftheheavylossIhadsustained:heexpressednosympathy，offerednocondolence:
butalmostthefirstwordsheutteredwere，-\'Howisyourmother？\'
Andthiswasnomatter-of-coursequestion，forInevertoldhimthatIhadamother:hemusthavelearnedthefactfromothers，ifheknewitatall；and，besides，therewassinceregoodwill，andevendeep，touching，unobtrusivesympathyinthetoneandmanneroftheinquiry。Ithankedhimwithduecivility，andtoldhimshewasaswellascouldbeexpected。\'Whatwillshedo？\'wasthenextquestion。Manywouldhavedeemeditanimpertinentone，andgivenanevasivereply；butsuchanideaneverenteredmyhead，andI
gaveabriefbutplainstatementofmymother\'splansandprospects。
\'Thenyouwillleavethisplaceshortly？\'saidhe。
\'Yes，inamonth。\'
Hepausedaminute，asifinthought。Whenhespokeagain，Ihopeditwouldbetoexpresshisconcernatmydeparture；butitwasonlytosay，-\'Ishouldthinkyouwillbewillingenoughtogo？\'
\'Yes-forsomethings，\'Ireplied。