\"AyoungmanoftheRicciofamily，hishaircutoffrightattheend，dressedinblackwiththesamecap。
AttributedtoRaphael，butthesignationisfalse。\"
\"TheVirginholdingtheInfant。ItisverypaintedinthemannerofSassoferrato。\"
\"ALarderwithgreensanddeadgameanimatedbyacook-maidandtwokitchen-boys。\"
However，theEnglishofthiscatalogueisatleastashappyasthatwhichdistinguishesaninscriptionuponacertainpictureinRome——towit:
\"Revelations-View。St。JohninPatterson\'sIsland。\"
Butmeanwhiletheraftismovingon。
CHAPTERXVII
[WhyGermansWearSpectacles]
AmileortwoaboveEberbachwesawapeculiarruinprojectingabovethefoliagewhichclothedthepeakofahighandverysteephill。Thisruinconsistedofmerelyacoupleofcrumblingmassesofmasonrywhichborearuderesemblancetohumanfaces；theyleanedforwardandtouchedforeheads，andhadthelookofbeingabsorbedinconversation。Thisruinhadnothingveryimposingorpicturesqueaboutit，andtherewasnogreatdealofit，yetitwascalledthe\"SpectacularRuin。\"
LEGENDOFTHE\"SPECTACULARRUIN\"
Thecaptainoftheraft，whowasasfullofhistoryashecouldstick，saidthatintheMiddleAgesamostprodigiousfire-breathingdragonusedtoliveinthatregion，andmademoretroublethanatax-collector。Hewasaslongasarailway-train，andhadthecustomaryimpenetrablegreenscalesalloverhim。Hisbreathbredpestilenceandconflagration，andhisappetitebredfamine。Heatemenandcattleimpartially，andwasexceedinglyunpopular。
TheGermanemperorofthatdaymadetheusualoffer:
hewouldgranttothedestroyerofthedragon，anyonesolitarythinghemightaskfor；forhehadasurplusageofdaughters，anditwascustomaryfordragon-killerstotakeadaughterforpay。
Sothemostrenownedknightscamefromthefourcornersoftheearthandretireddownthedragon\'sthroatoneaftertheother。Apanicaroseandspread。Heroesgrewcautious。
Theprocessionceased。Thedragonbecamemoredestructivethanever。Thepeoplelostallhopeofsuccor，andfledtothemountainsforrefuge。
AtlastSirWissenschaft，apoorandobscureknight，outofafarcountry，arrivedtodobattlewiththemonster。
Apitiableobjecthewas，withhisarmorhanginginragsabouthim，andhisstrange-shapedknapsackstrappeduponhisback。Everybodyturneduptheirnosesathim，andsomeopenlyjeeredhim。Buthewascalm。Hesimplyinquirediftheemperor\'sofferwasstillinforce。
Theemperorsaiditwas——butcharitablyadvisedhimtogoandhuntharesandnotendangersopreciousalifeashisinanattemptwhichhadbroughtdeathtosomanyoftheworld\'smostillustriousheroes。
Butthistramponlyasked——\"Wereanyoftheseheroesmenofscience?\"Thisraisedalaugh，ofcourse，forsciencewasdespisedinthosedays。Butthetrampwasnotintheleastruffled。Hesaidhemightbealittleinadvanceofhisage，butnomatter——sciencewouldcometobehonored，sometimeorother。Hesaidhewouldmarchagainstthedragoninthemorning。
Outofcompassion，then，adecentspearwasofferedhim，buthedeclined，andsaid，\"spearswereuselesstomenofscience。\"Theyallowedhimtosupintheservants\'
hall，andgavehimabedinthestables。
Whenhestartedforthinthemorning，thousandsweregatheredtosee。Theemperorsaid:
\"Donotberash，takeaspear，andleaveoffyourknapsack。\"
Butthetrampsaid:
\"Itisnotaknapsack，\"andmovedstraighton。
Thedragonwaswaitingandready。Hewasbreathingforthvastvolumesofsulphuroussmokeandluridblastsofflame。
Theraggedknightstolewarilytoagoodposition，thenheunslunghiscylindricalknapsack——whichwassimplythecommonfire-extinguisherknowntomoderntimes——
andthefirstchancehegotheturnedonhishoseandshotthedragonsquareinthecenterofhiscavernousmouth。
Outwentthefiresinaninstant，andthedragoncurledupanddied。
Thismanhadbroughtbrainstohisaid。Hehadreareddragonsfromtheegg，inhislaboratory，hehadwatchedoverthemlikeamother，andpatientlystudiedthemandexperimenteduponthemwhiletheygrew。Thushehadfoundoutthatfirewasthelifeprincipleofadragon；
putoutthedragon\'sfiresanditcouldmakesteamnolonger，andmustdie。Hecouldnotputoutafirewithaspear，thereforeheinventedtheextinguisher。
Thedragonbeingdead，theemperorfellonthehero\'sneckandsaid:
\"Deliverer，nameyourrequest，\"atthesametimebeckoningoutbehindwithhisheelforadetachmentofhisdaughterstoformandadvance。Butthetrampgavethemnoobservance。
Hesimplysaid:
\"Myrequestis，thatuponmebeconferredthemonopolyofthemanufactureandsaleofspectaclesinGermany。\"
Theemperorsprangasideandexclaimed:
\"ThistranscendsalltheimpudenceIeverheard!A
modestdemand，bymyhalidome!Whydidn\'tyouaskfortheimperialrevenuesatonce，andbedonewithit?\"
Butthemonarchhadgivenhisword，andhekeptit。
Toeverybody\'ssurprise，theunselfishmonopolistimmediatelyreducedthepriceofspectaclestosuchadegreethatagreatandcrushingburdenwasremovedfromthenation。
Theemperor，tocommemoratethisgenerousact，andtotestifyhisappreciationofit，issuedadecreecommandingeverybodytobuythisbenefactor\'sspectaclesandwearthem，whethertheyneededthemornot。
Sooriginatedthewide-spreadcustomofwearingspectaclesinGermany；andasacustomonceestablishedintheseoldlandsisimperishable，thisoneremainsuniversalintheempiretothisday。Suchisthelegendofthemonopolist\'soncestatelyandsumptuouscastle，nowcalledthe\"SpectacularRuin。\"
Ontherightbank，twoorthreemilesbelowtheSpectacularRuin，wepassedbyanoblepileofcastellatedbuildingsoverlookingthewaterfromthecrestofaloftyelevation。
Astretchoftwohundredyardsofthehighfrontwallwasheavilydrapedwithivy，andoutofthemassofbuildingswithinrosethreepicturesqueoldtowers。
Theplacewasinfineorder，andwasinhabitedbyafamilyofprincelyrank。Thiscastlehaditslegend，too，butIshouldnotfeeljustifiedinrepeatingitbecauseIdoubtedthetruthofsomeofitsminordetails。
AlonginthisregionamultitudeofItalianlaborerswereblastingawaythefrontageofthehillstomakeroomforthenewrailway。Theywerefiftyorahundredfeetabovetheriver。Asweturnedasharpcornertheybegantowavesignalsandshoutwarningstoustolookoutfortheexplosions。Itwasallverywelltowarnus，butwhatcouldWEdo?Youcan\'tbackaraftupstream，youcan\'thurryitdownstream，youcan\'tscatterouttoonesidewhenyouhaven\'tanyroomtospeakof，youwon\'ttaketotheperpendicularcliffsontheothershorewhentheyappeartobeblastingthere，too。
Yourresourcesarelimited，yousee。Thereissimplynothingforitbuttowatchandpray。
Forsomehourswehadbeenmakingthreeandahalforfourmilesanhourandwewerestillmakingthat。Wehadbeendancingrightalonguntilthosemenbegantoshout；
thenforthenexttenminutesitseemedtomethatIhadneverseenaraftgososlowly。Whenthefirstblastwentoffweraisedoursun-umbrellasandwaitedfortheresult。
Noharmdone；noneofthestonesfellinthewater。
Anotherblastfollowed，andanotherandanother。
Someoftherubbishfellinthewaterjustasternofus。
Weranthatwholebatteryofnineblastsinarow，anditwascertainlyoneofthemostexcitinganduncomfortableweeksIeverspent，eitherashiporashore。Ofcoursewefrequentlymannedthepolesandshovedearnestlyforasecondorso，buteverytimeoneofthosespurtsofdustanddebrisshotalofteverymandroppedhispoleandlookeduptogetthebearingsofhisshareofit。
Itwasverybusytimesalongthereforawhile。
Itappearedcertainthatwemustperish，buteventhatwasnotthebitterestthought；no，theabjectlyunheroicnatureofthedeath——thatwasthesting——thatandthebizarrewordingoftheresultingobituary:\"SHOTWITHAROCK，ONARAFT。\"Therewouldbenopoetrywrittenaboutit。
NoneCOULDbewrittenaboutit。Example:
NOTbywar\'sshock，orwar\'sshaft，——SHOT，witharock，onaraft。
Nopoetwhovaluedhisreputationwouldtouchsuchathemeasthat。Ishouldbedistinguishedastheonly\"distinguisheddead\"whowentdowntothegraveunsonneted，in1878。
Butweescaped，andIhaveneverregrettedit。
Thelastblastwaspeculiarlystrongone，andafterthesmallrubbishwasdonerainingaroundusandwewerejustgoingtoshakehandsoverourdeliverance，alaterandlargerstonecamedownamongstourlittlegroupofpedestriansandwreckedanumbrella。Itdidnootherharm，butwetooktothewaterjustthesame。
ItseemsthattheheavyworkinthequarriesandthenewrailwaygradingsisdonemainlybyItalians。
Thatwasarevelation。WehavethenotioninourcountrythatItaliansneverdoheavyworkatall，butconfinethemselvestothelighterarts，likeorgan-grinding，operaticsinging，andassassination。Wehaveblundered，thatisplain。
Allalongtheriver，neareveryvillage，wesawlittlestation-housesforthefuturerailway。Theywerefinishedandwaitingfortherailsandbusiness。
Theywereastrimandsnugandprettyastheycouldbe。
Theywerealwaysofbrickorstone；theywereofgracefulshape，theyhadvinesandflowersaboutthemalready，andaroundthemthegrasswasbrightandgreen，andshowedthatitwascarefullylookedafter。Theywereadecorationtothebeautifullandscape，notanoffense。
Whereveronesawapileofgravelorapileofbrokenstone，itwasalwaysheapedastrimlyandexactlyasanewgraveorastackofcannon-balls；nothingaboutthosestationsoralongtherailroadorthewagon-roadwasallowedtolookshabbyorbeunornamental。ThekeepingacountryinsuchbeautifulorderasGermanyexhibits，hasawisepracticalsidetoit，too，foritkeepsthousandsofpeopleinworkandbreadwhowouldotherwisebeidleandmischievous。
Asthenightshutdown，thecaptainwantedtotieup，butIthoughtmaybewemightmakeHirschhorn，sowewenton。
Presentlytheskybecameovercast，andthecaptaincameaftlookinguneasy。Hecasthiseyealoft，thenshookhishead，andsaiditwascomingontoblow。Mypartywantedtolandatonce——thereforeIwantedtogoon。
Thecaptainsaidweoughttoshortensailanyway，outofcommonprudence。Consequently，thelarboardwatchwasorderedtolayinhispole。Itgrewquitedark，now，andthewindbegantorise。Itwailedthroughtheswayingbranchesofthetrees，andsweptourdecksinfitfulgusts。Thingsweretakingonanuglylook。
Thecaptainshoutedtothesteersmanontheforwardlog:
\"How\'sshelanding?\"
Theanswercamefaintandhoarsefromfarforward:
\"Nor\'-east-and-by-nor\'——east-by-east，half-east，sir。\"
\"Lethergooffapoint!\"
\"Aye-aye，sir!\"
\"Whatwaterhaveyougot?\"
\"Shoal，sir。Twofootlarge，onthestabboard，twoandahalfscantonthelabboard!\"
\"Lethergooffanotherpoint!\"
\"Aye-aye，sir!\"
\"Forward，men，allofyou!Lively，now!Standbytocrowdherroundtheweathercorner!\"
\"Aye-aye，sir!\"
Thenfollowedawildrunningandtramplingandhoarseshouting，buttheformsofthemenwerelostinthedarknessandthesoundsweredistortedandconfusedbytheroaringofthewindthroughtheshingle-bundles。Bythistimetheseawasrunningincheshigh，andthreateningeverymomenttoengulfthefrailbark。Nowcamethemate，hurryingaft，andsaid，closetothecaptain\'sear，inalow，agitatedvoice:
\"Preparefortheworst，sir——wehavesprungaleak!\"
\"Heavens!where?\"
\"Rightaftthesecondrowoflogs。\"
\"Nothingbutamiraclecansaveus!Don\'tletthemenknow，ortherewillbeapanicandmutiny!Layherinshoreandstandbytojumpwiththestern-linethemomentshetouches。Gentlemen，Imustlooktoyoutosecondmyendeavorsinthishourofperil。Youhavehats——goforwardandbailforyourlives!\"
Downsweptanothermightyblastofwind，clothedinsprayandthickdarkness。Atsuchamomentasthis，camefromawayforwardthatmostappallingofallcriesthatareeverheardatsea:
\"MANOVERBOARD!\"
Thecaptainshouted:
\"Harda-port!Nevermindtheman!Lethimclimbaboardorwadeashore!\"
Anothercrycamedownthewind:
\"Breakersahead!\"
\"Whereaway?\"
\"Notalog\'slengthoffherportfore-foot!\"
Wehadgropedourslipperywayforward，andwerenowbailingwiththefrenzyofdespair，whenweheardthemate\'sterrifiedcry，fromfaraft:
\"Stopthatdashedbailing，orweshallbeaground!\"
Butthiswasimmediatelyfollowedbythegladshout:
\"Landaboardthestarboardtransom!\"
\"Saved!\"criedthecaptain。\"Jumpashoreandtakeaturnaroundatreeandpassthebightaboard!\"
Thenextmomentwewereallonshoreweepingandembracingforjoy，whiletherainpoureddownintorrents。
ThecaptainsaidhehadbeenamarinerforfortyyearsontheNeckar，andinthattimehadseenstormstomakeaman\'scheekblanchandhispulsesstop，buthehadnever，neverseenastormthatevenapproachedthisone。
Howfamiliarthatsounded!ForIhavebeenatseaagooddealandhaveheardthatremarkfromcaptainswithafrequencyaccordingly。
Weframedinourmindstheusualresolutionofthanksandadmirationandgratitude，andtookthefirstopportunitytovoteit，andputitinwritingandpresentittothecaptain，withthecustomaryspeech。
Wetrampedthroughthedarknessandthedrenchingsummerrainfullthreemiles，andreached\"TheNaturalistTavern\"
inthevillageofHirschhornjustanhourbeforemidnight，almostexhaustedfromhardship，fatigue，andterror。
Icanneverforgetthatnight。
Thelandlordwasrich，andthereforecouldaffordtobecrustyanddisobliging；hedidnotatalllikebeingturnedoutofhiswarmbedtoopenhishouseforus。
Butnomatter，hishouseholdgotupandcookedaquicksupperforus，andwebrewedahotpunchforourselves，tokeepoffconsumption。Aftersupperandpunchwehadanhour\'ssoothingsmokewhilewefoughtthenavalbattleoveragainandvotedtheresolutions；thenweretiredtoexceedinglyneatandprettychambersupstairsthathadclean，comfortablebedsinthemwithheirloompillowcasesmostelaboratelyandtastefullyembroideredbyhand。
SuchroomsandbedsandembroideredlinenareasfrequentinGermanvillageinnsastheyarerareinours。
OurvillagesaresuperiortoGermanvillagesinmoremerits，excellences，conveniences，andprivilegesthanIcanenumerate，butthehotelsdonotbelonginthelist。
\"TheNaturalistTavern\"wasnotameaninglessname；forallthehallsandalltheroomswerelinedwithlargeglasscaseswhichwerefilledwithallsortsofbirdsandanimals，glass-eyed，ablystuffed，andsetupinthemostnaturaleloquentanddramaticattitudes。Themomentwewereabed，therainclearedawayandthemooncameout。Idozedofftosleepwhilecontemplatingagreatwhitestuffedowlwhichwaslookingintentlydownonmefromahighperchwiththeairofapersonwhothoughthehadmetmebefore，butcouldnotmakeoutforcertain。
ButyoungZdidnotgetoffsoeasily。Hesaidthatashewassinkingdeliciouslytosleep，themoonliftedawaytheshadowsanddevelopedahugecat，onabracket，deadandstuffed，butcrouching，witheverymuscletense，foraspring，andwithitsglitteringglasseyesaimedstraightathim。
ItmadeZuncomfortable。Hetriedclosinghisowneyes，butthatdidnotanswer，foranaturalinstinctkeptmakinghimopenthemagaintoseeifthecatwasstillgettingreadytolaunchathim——whichshealwayswas。
Hetriedturninghisback，butthatwasafailure；
heknewthesinistereyeswereonhimstill。Soatlasthehadtogetup，afteranhourortwoofworryandexperiment，andsetthecatoutinthehall。Sohewon，thattime。
CHAPTERXVIII
[TheKindlyCourtesyofGermans]
Inthemorningwetookbreakfastinthegarden，underthetrees，inthedelightfulGermansummerfashion。
Theairwasfilledwiththefragranceofflowersandwildanimals；thelivingportionofthemenagerieofthe\"NaturalistTavern\"wasallaboutus。Thereweregreatcagespopulouswithflutteringandchatteringforeignbirds，andothergreatcagesandgreaterwirepens，populouswithquadrupeds，bothnativeandforeign。
Thereweresomefreecreatures，too，andquitesociableonestheywere。Whiterabbitswentlopingabouttheplace，andoccasionallycameandsniffedatourshoesandshins；
afawn，witharedribbononitsneck，walkedupandexaminedusfearlessly；rarebreedsofchickensanddovesbeggedforcrumbs，andapooroldtaillessravenhoppedaboutwithahumble，shamefacedmeinwhichsaid，\"Pleasedonotnoticemyexposure——thinkhowyouwouldfeelinmycircumstances，andbecharitable。\"Ifhewasobservedtoomuch，hewouldretirebehindsomethingandstaythereuntilhejudgedtheparty\'sinteresthadfoundanotherobject。Ineverhaveseenanotherdumbcreaturethatwassomorbidlysensitive。BayardTaylor，whocouldinterpretthedimreasoningsofanimals，andunderstoodtheirmoralnaturesbetterthanmostmen，wouldhavefoundsomewaytomakethispooroldchapforgethistroublesforawhile，butwehavenothiskindlyart，andsohadtoleavetheraventohisgriefs。
AfterbreakfastweclimbedthehillandvisitedtheancientcastleofHirschhorn，andtheruinedchurchnearit。
Thereweresomecuriousoldbas-reliefsleaningagainsttheinnerwallsofthechurch——sculpturedlordsofHirschhornincompletearmor，andladiesofHirschhorninthepicturesquecourtcostumesoftheMiddleAges。
Thesethingsaresufferingdamageandpassingtodecay，forthelastHirschhornhasbeendeadtwohundredyears，andthereisnobodynowwhocarestopreservethefamilyrelics。
Inthechancelwasatwistedstonecolumn，andthecaptaintoldusalegendaboutit，ofcourse，forinthematteroflegendshecouldnotseemtorestrainhimself；butI
donotrepeathistalebecausetherewasnothingplausibleaboutitexceptthattheHerowrenchedthiscolumnintoitspresentscrew-shapewithhishands——justonesinglewrench。
Alltherestofthelegendwasdoubtful。
ButHirschhornisbestseenfromadistance，downtheriver。
Thentheclusteredbrowntowersperchedonthegreenhilltop，andtheoldbattlementedstonewall，stretchingupandoverthegrassyridgeanddisappearingintheleafyseabeyond，makeapicturewhosegraceandbeautyentirelysatisfytheeye。
Wedescendedfromthechurchbysteepstonestairwayswhichcurvedthiswayandthatdownnarrowalleysbetweenthepackedanddirtytenementsofthevillage。
Itwasaquarterwellstockedwithdeformed，leering，unkemptanduncombedidiots，whoheldouthandsorcapsandbeggedpiteously。Thepeopleofthequarterwerenotallidiots，ofcourse，butallthatbeggedseemedtobe，andweresaidtobe。
Iwasthinkingofgoingbyskifftothenexttown，Necharsteinach；soIrantotheriversideinadvanceofthepartyandaskedamanthereifhehadaboattohire。
IsupposeImusthavespokenHighGerman——CourtGerman——I
intendeditforthat，anyway——sohedidnotunderstandme。
Iturnedandtwistedmyquestionaroundandabout，tryingtostrikethatman\'saverage，butfailed。
HecouldnotmakeoutwhatIwanted。NowMr。Xarrived，facedthissameman，lookedhimintheeye，andemptiedthissentenceonhim，inthemostglibandconfidentway:
\"Canmanboatgethere?\"
Themarinerpromptlyunderstoodandpromptlyanswered。
Icancomprehendwhyhewasabletounderstandthatparticularsentence，becausebymereaccidentallthewordsinitexcept\"get\"havethesamesoundandthesamemeaninginGermanthattheyhaveinEnglish；buthowhemanagedtounderstandMr。X\'snextremarkpuzzledme。
Iwillinsertit，presently。Xturnedawayamoment，andIaskedthemarinerifhecouldnotfindaboard，andsoconstructanadditionalseat。IspokeinthepurestGerman，butImightaswellhavespokeninthepurestChoctawforallthegooditdid。Themantriedhisbesttounderstandme；hetried，andkeptontrying，harderandharder，untilIsawitwasreallyofnouse，andsaid:
\"There，don\'tstrainyourself——itisofnoconsequence。\"
ThenXturnedtohimandcrisplysaid:
\"MACHENSIEaflatboard。\"
Iwishmyepitaphmaytellthetruthaboutmeifthemandidnotanswerupatonce，andsayhewouldgoandborrowaboardassoonashehadlitthepipewhichhewasfilling。
Wechangedourmindabouttakingaboat，sowedidnothavetogo。IhavegivenMr。X\'stworemarksjustashemadethem。
FourofthefivewordsinthefirstonewereEnglish，andthattheywerealsoGermanwasonlyaccidental，notintentional；threeoutofthefivewordsinthesecondremarkwereEnglish，andEnglishonly，andthetwoGermanonesdidnotmeananythinginparticular，insuchaconnection。
XalwaysspokeEnglishtoGermans，buthisplanwastoturnthesentencewrongendfirstandupsidedown，accordingtoGermanconstruction，andsprinkleinaGermanwordwithoutanyessentialmeaningtoit，hereandthere，bywayofflavor。Yethealwaysmadehimselfunderstood。
Hecouldmakethosedialect-speakingraftsmenunderstandhim，sometimes，whenevenyoungZhadfailedwiththem；
andyoungZwasaprettygoodGermanscholar。Foronething，Xalwaysspokewithsuchconfidence——perhapsthathelped。
Andpossiblytheraftsmen\'sdialectwaswhatiscalledPLATT-DEUTSCH，andsotheyfoundhisEnglishmorefamiliartotheirearsthananotherman\'sGerman。QuiteindifferentstudentsofGermancanreadFritzReuter\'scharmingplatt-DeutchtaleswithsomelittlefacilitybecausemanyofthewordsareEnglish。IsupposethisisthetonguewhichourSaxonancestorscarriedtoEnglandwiththem。
ByandbyIwillinquireofsomeotherphilologist。