\"Iwouldnothavetheconfidencetodoeitheratahotel.Ishallneverbeabletodoanymorethanfurnishalittlesimplehomemusictofriends,notcritics.\"
\"I\'mcontentwiththatarrangement,forIhavefinallydroppedmycharacterofcritic.\"
\"Buttruefriendsneverflatter,\"shesaid.\"Ifyouwon\'thelpmeovercomemyfaultsIshallhavetofindanotherfriend.\"
\"Asyourecommendedanancientwomanasnurse,soIwillrecommendthevenerablefriendyouhavealreadyfound,andaskyoutolethimdoallthefault-finding.\"
Sheturnedtohimandsaidearnestly:\"Mr.VanBerg,areyounotasufficientlysincerefriendtotellmemyfaults?\"
\"Yes,MissIda,ifyouaskmeto.\"
\"Onlyasyoudosocanyoukeepmyrespect.\"
\"Youareverymuchinearnest.Ineversawgreaterfidelitytoconsciencebefore;andIshouldbeverysorryif,foranycause,yourconsciencewerearrayedagainstme.\"
Shesuddenlyburiedherfaceinherhandsandtrembled.Thenturningfromhimtoherpianoagainshefaltered:\"IdisregardedconscienceonceandIsuffereddeeply,\"andinthedepthsofhersoulsheadded,\"andIfearIshallagain.\"
\"MissIda,\"hesaidimpetuously,\"Icannottellyouwhatafascinationyournew,beautifullifehasformeasseenagainstthedarkbackgroundofmemorieswhichneitheryounorIcaneverwhollybanish.ButIamcausingyoupainnow,\"forshebecameverypale,aswaseverthecasewhentherewasthefaintestallusiontotheawfulcrimewhichshehadcontemplated.\"Forgiveme,\"headdedearnestly,\"andsing,please,thatlittlemeadowbrooksong,ofwhichIcaughtafewbarslastevening.That,Ithink,mustcontainanantidoteagainstallmorbidthoughts.\"
\"Youaremistaken,\"shesaid.\"It\'sverysillyandsentimental;
youwon\'tlikeit.\"
\"Neverthelesspleasesingit,forifnottomytaste,youwillpreventitfromrunninginmyheadanylonger,asithaseversinceIheardit.\"
\"Youwillneveraskforitagain,\"shesaid,andshesangthefollowingwordstoalow-glidingmelodydesignedtosuggestthemurmurofasmallstream:
\'Twasdowninameadow,closebyabrook,Avioletbloomedinashadowynook.
Shegazedattherillwithawistfuleye——
\"Hecaresnotforme,he\'shasteningby,\"
Shesighed.
Insunshineandshadethebrookspedalong,Norceasedforamomenthisgurglingsong.
\"\'TwouldsingallthesamewereIwitheredanddead\"——
Andtheblue-eyedvioletbowedherheadAnddied.
ButtherillandthesongwentonthesameTillthepitilessfrostofwintercame,Whenthesongwashushedinanicychill,AndthegaylittlebrookatlaststoodstillAndthought——
\"Oh,couldInowseethevioletbluethatlookedatmeoncewitheyesofdew,I\'dspringtoherfeetandlingeringstayTillsureIwasbearingherloveaway,Wellsought.\"
Thesongseemedtodisturbtheartistsomewhat.\"Thestupidbrook!\"
heexclaimed.\"Itwassostupidastobealmosthuman.\"
\"Iknewyouwouldn\'tlikeit,\"shesaid,lookingupathiminsurprise.
\"Ilikeyoursingingandthemusic,butthatbrookprovokesme,thelittleidiot!Whydidn\'titstopbefore?\"
\"Itakethebrook\'spart,\"saidIda.\"Becausethevioletgazedatitinalackadaisicalwaywasnoreasonforitsstoppingunlessitwantedto.Indeed,ifIwerethevioletIshouldwantthebrooktogoon,unlessitcouldn\'thelpstopping.\"
\"Itdidstopwhenitcouldn\'thelpitself,andthenitwastoolate,\"saidVanBerg,withafrown.
Idatrilledoutoneofhersuddenlaughs,asshesaid,\"Don\'ttakethemattersotoheart,Mr.VanBerg.Whenspringcamethebrookwentonasmerrilyasever,andwaswellcontentedtohaveothervioletslookatit.\"
\"MissIda,youareawitch,\"saidtheartist,andwithanodd,involuntarygesturehepassedhishandacrosshisbrowasiftobrushawayamistorfilmfromhismind.
\"Oh!\"thoughtIda,withpassionatelonging,\"maymyspellshold,orelseImayfeellikefollowingtheexampleofthesillylittleviolet.\"Butshepirouetteduptoherfather,whowasjustentering,andsaid:\"It\'stimeyoucame,father.Mr.Vanberghasbeguncallingmenames.\"
\"Ishallfollowhisexamplebycallingyoumygoodfairy.Mr.VanBerg,Ihavebeeninparadisealltheweek.\"
\"Ishallnotjointhismutualadmirationsociety,andIinsistthatyoutwogentlementalkinasensibleway.\"
ButVanBergseemedtofinditdifficulttocomedowntoamatter-of-factconversationwithMr.Mayhew,andsoonaftertookhisleave.BeforegoinghetriedtoinduceIdatocometothestudioagain,butshedeclined,saying:
\"Motherhasentrustedtomeseveralcommissions,andImustattendtothemto-morrowmorning.Asitis,myconsciencetroublesmeverymuchthatIhaveleftheralonealltheweek,andIshalltrytomakealltheamendsIcanbygettingwhatshewishes.\"
\"Oh!yourterribleconscience!\"hesaid.
\"Yes,ithasbeenscoldingmealldayforwastingsomuchofyourtime.Nowdon\'tburdenyourswithanydenials.Good-night.\"
Heturnedeagerlytoprotestagainstherwords,butshewasretreatingrapidly;shegavehimasmileoverhershoulder,however,thatwasatoncefullofmirthandsomethingmore——somethingthathecouldnotexplainorgraspanymorethanhecouldthesoft,silverylightofthemoonthatfilledthesky,andwasasrealasitwasintangible.
Hewalkedawayasifinadream;hecontinuedhisaimlesswanderingsforhours,butswiftaswerehisstridesaswiftercurrentofpassion,deepandstrong,wassweepinghimawayfromJennieBurtonandthepowertomakegoodhisopenpledgetowinherifhecould.
Hestillwasdreaming,hestillwaslostintheluminousmistsofhisownimagination.Butthehourofwakingandclearvisionwasdrawingnear,andHaroldVanBergwouldlearnanewthatthecool,well-balancedreasononwhichhehadoncesopridedhimselfwasscarcelyequaltoallthequestionswhichcomplexhumanlifepresents.
ChapterLI.FromDeepExperience.
WiththenightdreamsbegantovanishandtheproseofrealitygraduallytotakeformandoutlineinVanBerg\'smind.Hewascompelledtoadmitthattheplausibletheoriesbywhichhehadhithertosatisfiedhimselfscarcelyaccountedforhismoodsandsensationsthepastfewdays,andmemoryquietlyinformedhimthatithadneverhadanyconsciousnessofsuchafriendshipashenowwasforming.Butlikemanyanothermanintheprocessofconvictionagainsthiswill,hebecameirritableandangrilyblindtoatruththatwouldplacehiminanintolerabledilemma.Hewenttohisstudio,andwordedwithdoggedobstinacyonthepicturedesignedforIda,givinghistimetothosedetailswhichrequiredonlyartisticskill,forhisperturbedmindwasinnomoodforanynicecreativework.
HehadagreedtomeetIdaandherfatherontheafternoonboat;
andhisimpatience,andtheearlyhourhestartedtokeeptheappointment,wasanotherstrawwhichhewascompelledtoseeinspiteofhimself;norcouldhefailtonotewhichwaythecurrentwasbearinghim.
\"Well,\"hemuttered,withthefatuitycommoninallstrongtemptations,\"I\'llspendafewmorehourswiththisrareUndine,thisgenuinewoman,who——infinitelymorebeautifulthanVenus——isrisingoutofthedarkwatersofsorrow,shame,anddespair,andthenifIfindthatitwillbewiserandsafertobeonlyasomewhatunobtrusiveanddistantfriend,showingmygood-willmorebydeedsthanbyseekinghersociety,Icangraduallytakethiscoursewithoutwoundingherfeelingsorexcitingsuspicionofthecause.Shewasright,althoughshelittleimaginesthereason;wecouldneverhavethosereadingstogether,andIfearImustmanagewithfarfewervisitstomystudiothanIhadhopedfor.Whatanaccursedchaoticoldworlditisanyway!HowgratefulsheisbecauseImerelytreatherfatherpolitely!Itwouldbeimpossibletodoanythingelse,nowthatheishimselfagain,andyet,bythissimple,easymethod,IhavewonafriendlierregardthanIcouldbyanyothermeans.
Likeanidiot,Ioncethoughtshewouldhavetowithdrawfromherfathertodevelophernewandbeautifullife.IfeveninfaintestsuggestionIhadrevealedthatthoughttoher,Idon\'tbelieveshewouldhavespokentomeagain;andIforeseethatIshallhavetobeexceedinglypolitetoMrs.Mayhewalso,formyUndineisdevelopingaconsciencethatmightbecomeaman\'simplacableenemy.
ButwhatamIthinkingabout!IfIdonotintendtoseemuchofthedaughter,Ishallnotwasteanytimeonthemother.IwonderifMissMayhewmeantanythingbythatoddlittleballadlastevening.
Couldshehaveintendedtoremindmeofblue-eyedJennieBurton?
No,forshewassingingitbyherself,whenshedidnotknowIwaslistening.Theidioticbrook!IfIhadgivenmywholehearttotheeffortImighthavewonJennieBurtonbythistime.IdaMayhewwasright;nowomanthatIwishtowinwillshowaloveranyfavortillhecannothelpstoppingandstaying,too.\"
Amomentlaterhestoppedshortinthestreet.\"GreatGod!\"mutteredhe,\"doIwishtowinJennieBurton?WhitheramIdrifting?WouldtoheavenIhadnotmadethisappointmentthisafternoon.Well,I\'minforitnow,\"andhestrodealongasifheweregoingtobattle,resolvingtobeguardedtothelastdegree,lestIdashouldsuspecthisweakness.
Hesawhercomeontheboatwithherfatheratthelastmoment,hercheeksflushedwiththeheatandhereyesaglowwiththehurryandexcitementoftheoccasion.Hesawoneandanotherofheryounggentlemenacquaintancesstepeagerlyforwardtospeaktoherandadmiringeyesturningtowardsheroneveryside.\"Shewon\'tlackforfriendsandcompanionsnow,andIsoonwillbelittlemissed,\"hethoughtbitterly.Onegentleman,inhisimpatienceforhersociety,soughttoobtainhersmalltravelling-bag,adwasassuringherthathecouldobtainseatsforherselfandfatheronthecrowdedboat,when,byhertimidglancearound,sheshowedthatshewasexpectingsomeone,andVanBerghastenedforwardandsaidquietly,\"Ihaveseatsreservedinthepilot-house.\"
Shegavehimagladsmileofwelcome;butalmostinstantlyherfacebecamegraveandquestioninginitsexpression;andshelookedathimkeenlyashecordiallyshookhandswithherfather.Astheywentawaywithhim,asifbyaprearrangementseveralguestsoftheLakeHouselookedateachotherandnoddedtheirheadssignificantly.
Whileonthewaytothepilot-house,andduringtheirconversationafterarrivingthere,Idaoftenturnedaquick,questioningglancetowardsVanBerg,andherexpressionremindedhimofsomechildren\'sfaceshehadseenastheytriedtoreadthethoughtsorintentionsofthosewhohadtheirinterestsinkeeping.Hetriedhisbesttobecordialandnaturalinmanner——tobe,inbrief,thesincerefriendthathehadprofessedhimself——andMr.Mayhewdidnotnoticeanythingamiss;butevenatsomeinflectionofhisvoice,oratapauseintheconversation,Idawouldturntowardshimthissudden,questioning,child-likelook,whichtouchedhimdeeplywhileitpuzzledhim.Butshegraduallybegantogrow\"distrait\"andquiet,andtolooklessandlessoften.VanBerghadadeepaffectionforthenobleriveronwhichtheyweresailing,andhadfamiliarizedhimselfwithitshistoryandlegends.BymeansofthesehesoughttoentertainIdaandherfather,andwiththelatterhesucceededabundantly;butheoftendoubtedwhetherIdaheardhim,forhereyesandthoughtsseemedtobewanderingbeyondtheblueHighlandswhichtheynowwereentering.AtlastMr.Mayhewleftthemforawhile,andVanBergturnedandsaidgently:
\"MissIda,youarenotingoodspiritsthisafternoon.\"
Shedidnotanswerforamoment,butavertedherfacestillfurtherfromhim.Atlastshesaid,inalowtone:\"Mr.VanBerg,didyoueverhaveapresentimentofevil?\"
\"Idon\'tbelieveinsuchthings,\"herepliedpromptly.
\"Ofcoursenot;youareaman.ButIhavesuchapresentimentthisafternoon,anditwillcometrue.\"
\"Whatdoyoufear,MissIda?\"
\"Whatdoesawomanalwaysfear?Earthquakes,politicalchanges,disturbancesintheworldatlarge,ofcourse.\"
\"Ihaveheardthatawoman\'skingdomwasherheart,\"VanBergwasindiscreetenoughtosay.
\"Itisapity,\"Idarepliedwithoneofherrecklesslaughs,\"foritsooftenhappensthatshecannotkeepit,andthosewhowrestitfromherdonotcaretokeepit,andsoitcomestobewhatthegeographiesusedtocalloneofthe\'wasteplacesoftheearth.\'
Astheworldgoes,IthinkIhadbetterretainmykingdom,smallasitis.\"
Heturnedverypale,andswiftaslighthethought:\"Hasshe,bytheaidofherwoman\'sintuition,readmythoughts?Hassheseenthebeginningsofaregardforherfarwarmerthanmyprofessedfriendship,and,rememberingmysuittoJennieBurton,isshelearningtodespisemeasfickle,or,worse,asahypocriticalspecimenofthatmeanesttypeofhumanvermin——amaleflirt?\"andhisfacegrewsowhitethatIdainherturnwasnotonlyperplexed,butalarmed.
Butafteramomenthesaidquietly:\"Itisnotthesizeofthekingdomthatmakesitsvalue,butwhatitcontains.Ihopeyouwillkeeptreasuresofyourstillyoufindsomeoneworthytoreceivethem,andIcanscarcelyimaginethatsuchanidiotexiststhathewouldnotretainthemifhecould.ThatisFortMontgomeryyonder,\"
andheresolutelycontinuedthestoryofitsdefenceandcapture,untilherfatherreturnedsayingitwastimetocomedownadpreparetoland.
Idahadscarcelyheardaword.Herheartalmoststoodstillwithdreadandforeboding,andlikeadrearyrefrainthewordskeptrepeatingthemselves,\"Oh,I\'mpunished,I\'mpunished.IthoughttowinhimfromJennieBurton,andmyrecklesswordswillnowmakehimtruetoherateverycosttohimself.HeknowsthatImusthaveseenhowhewonthekingdomofherheart,andhe\'llkeepitnowinspiteofmyloveandsomethingIthoughtlovethatIsawinhisface.Oh,mypunishmentisgreaterthanIcanbear;butitisdeserved,welldeserved.Ifhehadwonmylovefirst,whatwouldIthinkofthewomanwhotriedtowinhimfromme?ShewouldhavesufferedwhatInowmustsuffer.Mybrightbutguiltydreamisoverforever.\"
VanBergassistedherdowntothegangwayandoutonthewharfwithagraveandscrupulouspoliteness,butshefeltevenmorethanshesawthatherwordshadstunghisverysoul.Itwastheirapparenttruthwhichhecouldneverexplainawaythatgavethemtheirpowertowoundsodeeply,andeverymomentbroughttohimaclearerrealizationofthefactthathehadtriedtowin,andwaspledgedtowinawomanwhomtowrongevenunwittinglywouldbeanactforwhichhecouldneverforgivehimself.Andyethisheartsankatthethoughtofmeetingher;indeed,soguiltyandembarrasseddidhebecomeinhisfeelingsthathedecidedhewouldnotmeetherbeforeothers,andsprangoutofthestage,sayingtothedriverthathepreferredwalkingtheremainderoftheway.Mr.Mayhewlookedathiminsomesurprise,forhismannerhadchangedsonowastoattracthisattentionandexcitedisagreeablesurmises.
ToIda\'sgreatreliefStantonhadcomedowntomeetherwithhislight-wagon.HehadseenVanBergathersideagainwithsurprise,and,afterhisfasthorseshadwhirledthemwellawaybythemselves,heaskedalittleabruptly:
\"Ida,haveyouseenVanthisweek?\"
Shehesitatedamoment,andthensaidbriefly:\"Yes.Wemetattheconcert-gardenagain,andhedinedwithuslastevening.\"
Stantonturnedandlookedatherearnestly,andhercolorroseswiftlyunderhisquestioningeyes.
\"MypoorlittleIda,weareinthesameboat,Ifear,\"hesaidcompassionately.
Shehidherfaceonhisshoulder.\"Oh,Ik,spareme,\"shefaltered.
\"It\'sjustasIfeared,\"Stantonresumed,withadeepsigh.
\"Maledictionsonsuchaworldasours!Thedevilrulesit,sureenough.\"
\"Oh,hush,hush,\"Idasobbed.
\"Iseeitall,now;indeed,I\'vethoughtitalloutthispastweek.
YouSibleyusedonlyasablind,poorchild.\"
\"Yes,Ik,Iloathedanddetestedhimalmostfromthefirst.\"
\"AndinthemeantimethesagaciousVanBergandmyselfweretramplingonyoulikeacoupleoflong-earedbeasts.Howdidyoueverforgiveus!\"
\"Oh,Ik,Ik,myheartisbreaking.I\'vehadsuchdreamsthelasttwoweeks.I\'vedaredtothinkIhadlearnedalittleofGod\'slove,andoh——wasIblindedbymywishes,bymyhopes,bythepassionatelongingofmyheart?——IthoughtIsawloveinhiseyes,andhearditinhistones,lastevening.Everythingnowisslippingfromme——happiness,hope,andevenmyfaith.ButIdeserveitall,\"sheaddedinherheart.\"Icouldalmostcursethewomanwhotriedtowinhimfromme.\"
Stantonturnedhishorsesoffintoashadyandunfrequentedsideroadwheretheywouldnotbeapttomeetanyone.\"Goodheavens!\"
hethought;\"thisisjusttheconditionofmindthatVanwarnedmetoguardagainst,and,confoundhim,heisthecauseoftheevilshefeared,andintheirworstform.IbehangedifIcanunderstandhim.AllthroughJulyhewasJennieBurton\'sopensuitor——atleasthemadenosecretofittome,althoughhiscoolheadenabledhimtothrowthepeopleofthehouseoffthescent——andnowhefollowsanotherladytoNewYork,andleaveshisfirstloveonveryflimsypretexts.ByJove!Idon\'tlikeit,eventhoughitwerepossibleformetoprofitbyhisfolly.\"
\"MypoorlittleIda,\"hesaidgently,puttinghisarmsaroundher,\"youandImuststandbyeachother,forweareliketohaveroughweatheraheadforawhile.It\'snokindnesstoyounowtohidethetruth.IdonotknowthatVanBerghasformallyproposedtoMissBurton,but,asanhonorableman,heiscommittedtoher,andIbelievehehaswonheraffections,althoughIconfessIdon\'tunderstandherverywell.Shehasevidentlyhadverydeepsorrowsinthepast,andIamsatisfiedthatshehasfelthisabsencekeenlythisweek.\"
\"Ideserveitall,\"Idamurmuredagain,butsolowhecouldnothearher,andshegavewaytoanotheroutburstofgrief.
\"Itwillpainevenyourheart,Ida,toseehowslightandpaleMissBurtonisbecoming.Shealsoappearsstrangelyrestless,andtakeslongwalksthatarefarbeyondherstrength.\"
\"It\'sallplain,\"groanedIda.\"Howcansheactotherwise!Well,shewillbecomfortednow,nomatterwhatbecomesofme.\"
\"Youwillbeabravewoman,Ida,andpullthroughallright.\"
\"No,Ik,I\'mnotbrave.IcouldeasilydieforthoseIlove;butIcan\'tjustsufferandbepatient,atleastIdon\'tseehowIcan;
butIsupposeImust.\"
Hisarmtightenedaboutherwaist,andshefeltittrembling.
\"Ida,\"hesaid,inalowsolemntone,\"promisemebeforeGodthatwhateverhappensyouwillnever——\"
\"Hush!\"shegasped,shuddering,\"IwilldieinGod\'sownway.I
willendureasbestIcan.\"
Hestoopeddownandkissedhertenderlyashesaid:\"Ida,dear,fromthishourI\'mnolongeryourcousinmerely,butabrother,andyourcompanioninmisfortune.I\'mgoingtostandbyyouandseeyouthroughthistrouble.Justcountonmetoshieldyouineverypossibleway.Idon\'tcarewhattheworldthinksofme,butneveratongueshallwagagainstyouagain,ortherewillbeaheavyscoretosettlewithme.VanandIhavebeengoodfriends,buthe\'sonticklishgroundnow.He\'llfindhecan\'tplayfastandloosewithtwosuchwomenasyouandJennieBurton.Curseitall!itisn\'tlikehimtodoiteither.Buttheworldistopsy-turvey,anyhow.\"
\"Ik,Ipleadwithyou,saynothing,donothing.Beblindanddeaftoeverythingofwhichwehavespoken.OnlyhelpmehidemysecretandgetawayfromthisplacetosomeotherwhereIamnotknown.\"
\"Hasyourfatheranyideaofallthis?\"
Idaexplainedinpartherfather\'sknowledge.
\"Wecaneasilymanageitthen,\"hesaid.\"Ihaddecidedtoleavenextweek.MissBurtonleavesforhercollegedutiesverysoonalso.Theideaofthatfragileflowerbeingtrampledonninemonthsoftheyearbyacrowdofthoughtless,heedlessgirls!Andsoourdisastroussummercomestoanend.AndyetI\'mwronginapplyingthattermtomyownexperience.IwishyoufeltasIdo,Ida.I
haven\'taparticleofhope,andyetIwouldnotgiveupmyloveforJennieBurtonforalltheworld;andIdon\'tbelieveIevershallgiveitup.Ithinksheisbeginningtounderstandmealittlebetternow,althoughshedoesnotgivememuchthought.Oneday,whileyouhavebeengone,Imetherreturningfromoneofherwalks,andshelookedsofaintandsadthatIcouldnotendureit,andI
wentstraighttoherandtookherhandasIsaid:\'MissBurton,isthereanythingIkStantoncandotomakeyouhappier?It\'snoneofmybusiness,Isuppose,butit\'sbreakingmyhearttoseeyoubecomingsosadandpale.ImayseemtoyouveryfoolishandQuixotic,butthereisnoearthlythinkIwouldnotdoorsufferforyou.\'Shedidnotwithdrawherhandasshereplied,verygently:
\'Mr.Stanton,pleasedomethekindnesstobehappyyourself,andforgetme.\'Icouldonlysay,inhonesty:\'Youhaveaskedjustthetwothingswhichareutterlyimpossible.\'Tearscameintohereyesasshereplied,withemphasis:\'Then,myFRIEND,youcanunderstandme.ThereisonewhomIcanneverforget.\'Shewaskindenoughtosaysomewordsaboutmyhavingbeengenerousandconsiderateofherfeelings,etc.,butnomatteraboutthem.Weparted,andit\'salloverasfarassheisconcerned.WhenIlefttownlastJuneIthoughtI\'dbeabacheloralways,becauseIlovedmyjollyease.I\'veabetterreasonnow,Ida.OfcourseVanmustbetheonereferredtobyMissBurton.Youhaveseenhowshelooksathimattimeswhenthinkingherselfunobserved!\"
\"Yes,\"sighedIda,\"it\'sallright.Godisjust,andthereisnouseoftryingtothwarthiswill.\"
\"Well,Ida,Idon\'tknow.It\'sallasnarltome.SometimesIthinktheworldgoesonthetoss-up-a-pennyplan,andagainitseemsalmostasifOldNickhimselfwasbehindthescenes.
\"DearBrotherIk,don\'ttalktomethatway.IfIdoloseALLmyfaithnow,Idon\'tknowwhatwillhappen.\"
\"Forgiveme,Ida,IwilltrytodobetterbyyouthoughIfearI
shallproveoneofJob\'scomforters.We\'llstopinthevillage,getsomesupperthere,and,thusyouwon\'thavetofaceanybodyto-night,andbyto-morrowyouwillbeyourownbraveself.\"
\"Oh,\"moanedIda,\"Iamalmostassorryforfather\'ssakeasformyown.HowcanIkeephimupwhenIamsinkingmyself?\"
Mr.Mayhewstoodonthepiazza,waitingforIdaandwonderingwhyshedidnotcome,asVanBergmountedthesteps.Themajorityofthepeoplehadgoneintosupper,butMissBurton,whowasalittlelate,recognizedhimfromthehallway,andshecameswiftlyouttogreethim.Herverycordialitywasanotherstab,andheexertedthewholepowerofhismanhoodtomeetherinlikespirit.
\"IdidnotknowIshouldmissyousomuch,\"shesaid,hereyesgrowingalittlemoistfromherstrongfeeling.\"Isupposewenevervalueourfriendsasweoughttilltaughttheirworthtousbyabsence.ButifyouhavebeensuccessfulinyourworkIshallbewellcontent.\"
\"Yes,MissJennie,\"hereplied,\"IthinkIhavebeensuccessful.
Thepictureisfarfrombeingcomplete,butI\'vebeenabletoobtainamuchbetterlikenessofMr.EltingethanIevenhopedtocatch.\"
\"Mr.VanBerg,youhavebeenworkingtoohard.Youlookexceedinglyweary.Whatpossessedyoutowalkallthesemiles?Leaveuswomentodotheunreasonablethings,andleastofallaretheybecominginyou;comeatonceandgetagoodsupper.\"
Hecouldnotdisguisethepainandhumiliationthatherwordscausedhim,andsaidhurriedly,\"Iwilljoinyouinafewmoments,\"andthenhastenedtohisroom.
Mr.Mayhew,withthedelicacyofagentleman,hadwithdrawnoutofearshotastheyconversed,butthewarmthofMissBurton\'sgreetinghadsuggestedathoughtthatwasexceedinglydisquieting.Asiffromasuddenimpulsehewentdirectlytothesuppertable,andhisquietcourtesymaskedtheclosestobservation.
VanBergstoodinhisroomamomentandfairlytrembledwithshameandrageathimself.Then,withabitterimprecation,hemadethebrieftoiletthedustofhiswalkrequired,andhisfacewassosternandwhiteonemightthinkhewasabouttofaceanexecutionerinsteadofJennieBurton\'sblueeyesbeamingwithfriendshipatleast.Thethoughtofdiscoveringanythingwarmerintheirexpressionsentamortalchilltoherformerwooer\'sheart.HeexpectedtomeetIdaatthetable,andtheordealofmeetingthewomantowhomhewaspledgedinthepresenceofthewomanhelovedwasliketheancientTrialbyFire.
\"Curseitall,\"hemuttered,\"theybothcanreadone\'sthoughtsasiftheywereprintedonsign-boards.IwasscarcelyconsciousofwhatmyardentfriendshipforMissMayhewmeantbeforeshelookedmeinthefaceandsawthewholetruth,andshealmostthesameaschargedmewithwinningJennieBurton\'sheartthenthrowingitaway,whileinthesamebreathshehintedthatIneednotattemptanysuchfollyandmeannessinhercase.Ifeveraman\'sprideandself-respectreceivedamortalwoundminehasto-day.AndnowIfeelwithinstinctivecertainty,thatMissBurtonwillseethetruthjustasclearly,andthenmyburdenforlifewillbethecontemptofthetwowomenwhomIhonorasIdomymother\'sname.
Well,thereisnohelpforitnow,myshipisontherocksalready.\"
HewasgreatlyrelievedtofindthatIdawasnotatthetable,but,inspiteofhisbestefforts,MissBurtonsoonsawthatsomethingwasamiss,andthatitwasdifficultforhimtosustainhispartoftheconversation.Withhergracefultact,however,shewasblindtoallsheimaginedhewouldnothavehernotice,andtriedtoenlivenbothMr.Mayhewandhimselfwithhercheerytalk——avaineffortineachinstancenow.
\"Howslightandspirit-likesheisbecoming!\"groanedVanBerg,inwardly.\"GreatGod!ifIhavewrongedher,howawfulwillbemypunishment!\"
\"Sheloveshim,\"wasMr.Mayhew\'sconclusion,\"andfromhismannerIfearhehasgivenherreason.Atanyrate,forsomecause,heisingreatperplexityandtrouble.\"
AftersupperVanBergstoodnearthemainstairway,stillconversingwithMissBurton,whenalight,quickstepcausedhimtolookupandhesawIdawhohadenteredbyasidedoor.HeknewshemusthaveseenhimandMissBurtonalso,butshepassedhimwithveiledanddowncastface,andwentswiftlyupthestairwaytoherroom.Itseemedtohimacutdirect.\"sheandStantonhavebeencomparingnotes,\"hesaidtohimself,andhecrimsonedatthethoughtofwhathemustnowappeartoher.MissBurtonhadbeenstandingwithherbacktowardsthestairwayandhadnotseenIdaatfirst,butVanBerg\'shotflushcausedhertoglancearoundandseethecause,andthensheunderstoodhismannerbetter.Butitwashercreedthatpeoplemanagesuchthingsbestwithoutinterference,evenfromthekindliestmotives,andshethereforemadenoallusiontoMissMayhewthatevening.
\"MissJennie,\"saidVanBerg,yieldingtowhathenowfelthadbecomeanecessity,\"Imayseemmoreofaheathentoyouto-morrowthanever.ThereisadistantmountainandlakethatIwishtovisitbeforeIreturntotown,andIshallstartearlyto-morrow.
SoifIdonotcomebackveryearlyyouneednotthinkthattheearthhasswallowedmeuporthatIhavefallenapreytowildbeasts.Goodnight,\"andhepressedherhandwarmly.
Shelookedathimwistfullyandseemedabouttospeak,forshewasvaguelyconsciousofhisdeeptrouble.Shecheckedtheimpulse,however,andpartedfromhimwithakindlysmilethatsuggestedsympathyratherthanreproach.
StantoncalledMr.Mayhewasideandthetwogentlemanspokeveryfranklytogether.
\"Idaseemsevenmoreconcernedaboutyouthanherself,\"saidStantoninconclusion,\"anditwouldkillher,asshenowfeels,ifyoushouldgivewaytoyouroldweaknessagain.Shefearsthatshewon\'tbeabletosustainandcheeryouassheintended,butItoldherthatwewouldbothstandbyherandseeherthroughhertrouble.\"
\"Iunderstandyou,Ik,\"saidMr.Mayhew,quietly.\"FrommyheartIthankyouforyourkindnesstoIda.Butyoudon\'tunderstandme.Ihadadeeperthirstthanthatforbrandy,andwhenmychildgavemeherlove,myrealthirstwasquenched,andtheotherisgone.\"
\"That\'snoble;we\'llpullthroughyet!\"Stantonresumed,heartily.
\"IdaandIgotoursupperatavillageinn——atleast,wewentthroughthemotions——forIwasboundnooneshouldhaveachancetostareatherto-night.\"
\"Nomatter,\"saidherfather,decisively.\"IhavehadpreparedasniceasupperasMr.Burleighcouldfurnish,andIshalltakeittoherroom.Sheshallseethatsheisnotforgotten.\"
Idatriedtoeatalittletopleasehim,butshesooncameandsatbesidehimonhersofa,saying,assheburiedherfaceagainsthisshoulder,\"Father,Ishallhavetoleanveryhardonyounow.\"
\"Iwon\'tfailyou,Ida,\"wasthegentleandsimplereply,buttheyunderstoodeachotherwithoutfurtherwords.Withunspokensympathyandtendernesshetriedtofilltheplacehermothercouldnot,forifMrs.MayhewhadgainedanyknowledgeofIda\'sfeelings,shewouldhavehadagreatdealtosayonthesubjectwiththebestandkindestintentions.Withheavytouchshewouldtrytoexamineandhealthewoundtwentytimesaday.
Mr.MayhewwasrightwhenhesaidtheVanBergswereaproudrace,andthistraithadfounditsculmination,perhaps,intheheroofthistale.Hewasjustlyproudofhisoldandunstainedname;hewasproudofthosewhoboreitwithhim,andhehonoredhisfatherandmother,notinobediencetoacommand,butbecauseeveryonehonoredthem;andifhissisterwasalittlecoldandstately,sheembodiedhisideasofrefinementandcultivation;hewasproudofhissocialposition,ofhistalent——forheknewhehadthatmuch,atleast——andoftherecognitionhehadalreadywonintherepublicofart.Butchiefofallhadhebeenproudofhisunstainedmanhood,ofthehonor,whichhebelievedhadbeenkeptunsullieduntilthismiserableday.Butnow,ashestrodeawayinthemoonlight,hefoundhimselfconfrontingcertainfactswhichhefelthecouldneverexplaintoanyone\'ssatisfaction,notevenhisown.Hehadopenlyprofessedtoloveapoorandorphanedgirl,andhadpledgedhimselftowinherifhecould——tobeherfriendtillhecouldbecomefarmore.Evengrantingthatshestilllookedonhimmerelyasafriend,thatdidnotreleasehim.Itwaswhilepossessingthedistinctknowledgethatshecherishednowarmerfeelingthathehadmadethepledge,andthoughshemightnotbeableorwillingto-dayorto-morrow,orforyearstocome,togiveupapastloveforhissake,hispromiserequiredthatheshouldpatientlywooandwaittillshecouldburythepastwithheroldlover,andreceive,athishands,thefuturethathewasinhonorboundtokeepwithinherreach.Ofcourse,if,afterthelapseofyears,sheassuredhimshecouldnotandwouldnotacceptofhishandinmarriage,hewouldbefree,buthehadscarcelywaitedweeksbeforegivinghislovetoanother.Foraughtheknew,thehopeofhappierdays,whichhehadurgeduponher,mightbealreadystealingintoherheart.
ItgavehimbutlittlecomfortnowtorecognizethefactthathehadneverlovedJennieBurton——thathehadneverknownwhatthewordmeantuntilsweptawaybytheirresistibletideofapassion,thepowerofwhichalreadyappalledhim.Tosaythathedidnotfeellikekeepinghispromisenow,orthathisfeelingshadchanged,heknewwouldberegardedasanexcusebeneathcontempt,andaweeksincehehimselfwouldhavepronouncedthemostmercilessjudgmentagainstamaninhispresentposition.