Ientreatyou,tellmeyourdecision:GodaloneknowswhatIsuffer,andthatbecauseIoccupymyselfwithyouonly,becauseIloveandadoreonlyyou。IfIhaveoffendedyousometimes,youmustbearthereproach;forwhensomeoneoffendsme,ifitweregrantedmetocomplaintoyou,Ishouldnotconfidemygriefstoothers;butwhenweareonbadterms,Iamobligedtokeepthemtomyself,andthatmaddensme。’
“Hethenurgedmestronglytostaywithhimandlodgeinhishouse;
butIexcusedmyself,andrepliedthatheoughttobepurged,andthathecouldnotbe,conveniently,atGlasgow;thenhetoldmethatheknewIhadbroughtaletterforhim,butthathewouldhavepreferredtomakethejourneywithme。Hebelieved,Ithink,thatI
meanttosendhimtosomeprison:IrepliedthatIshouldtakehimtoCraigmiller,thathewouldfinddoctorsthere,thatIshouldremainnearhim,andthatweshouldbewithinreachofseeingmyson。HehasansweredthathewillgowhereIwishtotakehim,providedthatIgranthimwhathehasasked。Hedoesnot,however,wishtobeseenbyanyone。
“HehastoldmemorethanahundredprettythingsthatIcannotrepeattoyou,andatwhichyouyourselfwouldbesurprised:hedidnotwanttoletmego;hewantedtomakemesitupwithhimallnight。Asforme,Ipretendedtobelieveeverything,andIseemedtointerestmyselfreallyinhim。Besides,Ihaveneverseenhimsosmallandhumble;andifIhadnotknownhoweasilyhisheartoverflows,andhowmineisimpervioustoeveryotherarrowthanthosewithwhichyouhavewoundedit,IbelievethatIshouldhaveallowedmyselftosoften;butlestthatshouldalarmyou,IwoulddieratherthangiveupwhatIhavepromisedyou。Asforyou,besuretoactinthesamewaytowardsthosetraitorswhowilldoalltheycantoseparateyoufromme。Ibelievethatallthosepeoplehavebeencastinthesamemould:thisonealwayshasatearinhiseye;hebowsdownbeforeeveryone,fromthegreatesttothesmallest;hewishestointeresttheminhisfavour,andmakehimselfpitied。Hisfatherthrewupbloodto-daythroughthenoseandmouth;thinkwhatthesesymptomsmean。Ihavenotseenhimyet,forhekeepstothehouse。
Thekingwantsmetofeedhimmyself;hewon’teatunlessIdo。But,whateverImaydo,youwillbedeceivedbyitnomorethanIshallbedeceivingmyself。Weareunited,youandI,totwokindsofverydetestablepeople[MarymeansMissHuntly,Bothwell’swife,whomherepudiated,attheking’sdeath,tomarrythequeen。]:thathellmaysevertheseknotsthen,andthatheavenmayformbetterones,thatnothingcanbreak,thatitmaymakeofusthemosttenderandfaithfulcouplethateverwas;thereistheprofessionoffaithinwhichIwoulddie。
“Excusemyscrawl:youmustguessmorethanthehalfofit,butI
knownohelpforthis。Iamobligedtowritetoyouhastilywhileeveryoneisasleephere:butbeeasy,Itakeinfinitepleasureinmywatch;forIcannotsleepliketheothers,notbeingabletosleepasIwouldlike——thatistosay,inyourarms。
“Iamgoingtogetintobed;Ishallfinishmylettertomorrow:I
havetoomanythingstotelltoyou,thenightistoofaradvanced:
imaginemydespair。ItistoyouIamwriting,itisofmyselfthatIconversewithyou,andIamobligedtomakeanend。
“Icannotpreventmyself,however,fromfillinguphastilytherestofmypaper。Cursedbethecrazycreaturewhotormentsmesomuch!
Wereitnotforhim,Icouldtalktoyouofmoreagreeablethings:heisnotgreatlychanged;andyethehastakenagreatdealof%t。
Buthehasnearlykilledmewiththefetidsmellofhisbreath;fornowhisisstillworsethanyourcousin’s:youguessthatthisisafreshreasonformynotapproachinghim;onthecontrary,IgoawayasfarasIcan,andsitonachairatthefootofhisbed。
“LetusseeifIforgetanything。
Hisfather’smessengerontheroad;
ThequestionaboutJoachim;
The-stateofmyhouse;
Thepeopleofmysuite;
Subjectofmyarrival;
Joseph;
Conversationbetweenhimandme;
Hisdesiretopleasemeandhisrepentance;
Theexplanationofhisletter;
Mr。Livingston。
“Ah!Iwasforgettingthat。YesterdayLivingstonduringsuppertolddeRereinalowvoicetodrinktothehealthofoneIknewwell,andtobegmetodohimthehonour。Aftersupper,asIwasleaningonhisshouldernearthefire,hesaidtome,’Isitnottruethattherearevisitsveryagreeableforthosewhopaythemandthosewhoreceivethem?But,howeversatisfiedtheyseemwithyourarrival,I
challengetheirdelighttoequalthegriefofonewhomyouhaveleftaloneto-day,andwhowillneverbecontenttillheseesyouagain。’
Iaskedhimofwhomhewishedtospeaktome。Hethenansweredmebypressingmyarm:’Ofoneofthosewhohavenotfollowedyou;andamongthoseitiseasyforyoutoguessofwhomIwanttospeak。’
“Ihaveworkedtilltwoo’clockatthebracelet;Ihaveenclosedalittlekeywhichisattachedbytwostrings:itisnotaswellworkedasIshouldlike,butIhavenothadtimetomakeitbetter;Iwillmakeyouafineroneonthefirstoccasion。Takecarethatitisnotseenonyou;forIhaveworkedatitbeforeeveryone,anditwouldberecognisedtoacertainty。
“Ialwaysreturn,inspiteofmyself,tothefrightfulattemptthatyouadvise。Youcompelmetoconcealments,andabovealltotreacheriesthatmakemeshudder;Iwouldratherdie,believeme,thandosuchthings;foritmakesmyheartbleed。HedoesnotwanttofollowmeunlessIpromisehimtohavetheselfsamebedandboardwithhimasbefore,andnottoabandonhimsooften。IfIconsenttoit,hesayshewilldoallIwish,andwillfollowmeeverywhere;buthehasbeggedmetoputoffmydeparturefortwodays。Ihavepretendedtoagreetoallhewishes;butIhavetoldhimnottospeakofourreconciliationtoanyone,forfearitshouldmakesomelordsuneasy。AtlastIshalltakehimeverywhereIwish……Alas!Ihaveneverdeceivedanyone;butwhatwouldInotdotopleaseyou?
Command,andwhateverhappens,Ishallobey。Butseeyourselfifonecouldnotcontrivesomesecretmeansintheshapeofaremedy。HemustpurgehimselfatCraigmillerandtakebathsthere;hewillbesomedayswithoutgoingout。SofarasIcansee,heisveryuneasy;
buthehasgreattrustinwhatItellhim:however,hisconfidencedoesnotgosofarastoallowhimtoopenhismindtome。Ifyoulike,Iwilltellhimeverything:Icanhavenopleasureindeceivingsomeonewhoistrusting。However,itwillbejustasyouwish:donotesteemmethelessforthat。Itisyouadvisedit;
neverwouldvengeancehavetakenmesofar。Sometimesheattacksmeinaverysensitiveplace,andhetouchesmetothequickwhenhetellsmethathiscrimesareknown,butthateverydaygreateronesarecommittedthatoneuselesslyattemptstohide,sinceallcrimes,whatsoevertheybe,greatorsmall,cometomen’sknowledgeandformthecommonsubjectoftheirdiscourse。Headdssometimes,inspeakingtomeofMadamedeRere,’Iwishherservicesmaydoyouhonour。’Hehasassuredmethatmanypeoplethought,andthathethoughthimself,thatIwasnotmyownmistress;thisisdoubtlessbecauseIhadrejectedtheconditionsheofferedme。Finally,itiscertainthatheisveryuneasyaboutyouknowwhat,andthatheevensuspectsthathislifeisaimedat。Heisindespairwhenevertheconversationturnsonyou,Livingston,andmybrother。However,hesaysneithergoodnorillofabsentpeople;but,onthecontrary,healwaysavoidsspeakingofthem。Hisfatherkeepstothehouse:I
havenotseenhimyet。AnumberoftheHamiltonsarehere,andaccompanymeeverywhere;allthefriendsoftheotheronefollowmeeachtimeIgotoseehim。Hehasbeggedmetobeathisrisingto-
morrow。Mymessengerwilltellyoutherest。
“Burnmyletter:therewouldbedangerinkeepingit。Besides,itishardlyworththetrouble,beingfilledonlywithdarkthoughts。
“Asforyou,donotbeoffendedifIamsadanduneasyto-day,thattopleaseyouIriseabovehonour,remorse,anddangers。DonottakeinbadpartwhatItellyou,anddonotlistentothemaliciousexplanationsofyourwife’sbrother;heisaknavewhomyououghtnottoheartotheprejudiceofthemosttenderandmostfaithfulmistressthateverwas。Aboveall,donotallowyourselftobemovedbythatwoman:hershamtearsarenothingincomparisonwiththerealtearsthatIshed,andwithwhatloveandconstancymakemesufferatsucceedingher;itisforthatalonethatinspiteofmyselfIbetrayallthosewhocouldcrossmylove。Godhavemercyonme,andsendyoualltheprosperitythatahumbleandtenderfriendwhoawaitsfromyousoonanotherrewardwishesyou。Itisverylate;butitisalwayswithregretthatIlaydownmypenwhenIwritetoyou;
however,IshallnotendmyletteruntilIshallhavekissedyourhands。Forgivemethatitissoill-written:perhapsIdosoexpresslythatyoumaybeobligedtore-readitseveraltimes:IhavetranscribedhastilywhatIhadwrittendownonmytablets,andmypaperhasgivenout。Rememberatenderfriend,andwritetoheroften:lovemeastenderlyasIloveyou,andrememberMadamedeRere’swords;
TheEnglish;
Hismother;
TheEarlofArgyll;
TheEarlofBothwell;
TheEdinburghdwelling。“
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