Motherlooked，andshehadtoseehowitwaswithhim；nodoubtshesawmorethanIdidfromhavingbeenthroughitherself，soshesmiledkindofahalf-sad，half-gladsmile。Thensheturnedtoherdamaskrosebush，theoneLucybroughtherfromthecity，andthatshewassopreciousabout，thatnoneofusdaredtouchit，andshesearchedalloveritandcarefullyselectedthemostperfectrose。WhensheborrowedLaddie’sknifeandcutthestemaslongasmyarm，Iknewexactlyhowgreatandsolemntheoccasionwas；foralwaysbeforeaboutsixincheshadbeenherlimit。Sheheldittowardhim，smilingbravelyandbeautifully，butthetearswererunningstraightdownhercheeks。
“Takeittoher，“shesaid。“Ithink，myson，itisverylike。“
Laddietookherinhisarmsandwipedawaythetears；hetoldhereverythingwouldcomeoutallrightaboutGod，andthemystery，even。Thenhepickedmeclearofftheground，andhetriedtoseehownearhecouldcometocrackingeveryboneinmybodywithoutreallydoingit，andhekissedmeoverandover。Ithadn’tbeensoeasy，butIguessyou’lladmitthatpaid。Thenherodeawaywiththedamaskrosewavingoverhisheart。MotherandIstoodbesidethehitchingrackandlookedafterhim，withourarmstightaroundeachotherwhilewetriedtoseewhichonecouldbawlthehardest。
CHAPTERXVI
TheHomingPigeon“Amillstoneandthehumanheart，Areeverdrivenround，Andifthey’venothingelsetogrind，Theymustthemselvesbeground。“
Itseemedtomethatmymotherwasthepersonwhoreallycouldhavebeenexcusedforhavinghearttrouble。ThemoreIwatchedher，themoreIwonderedthatshedidn’t。Therewasherownlife，theonesheandfatherled，whereeverythingwentexactlyasshewanteditto；andiftherehadbeenonlythemselvestothinkof，nopeopleonearthcouldhavelivedhappier，unlessthepainshesometimessufferedmadethemtrouble，andIdon’tthinkitwould，forneitherofthemweretoblameforthat。Theycouldn’thelpit。Theyjusthadittostand，andfightthestiffesttheycouldtocureit，andmotheralwayssaidshewasbetter；everysingletimeanyoneasked，shewasbetter。Ihopedsoonitwouldallbegone。Thentheycouldhavebeenhappyforsure，ifsomeofushadn’tpoppedupandkepttheminhotwaterallthetime。
Ican’ttellyouaboutLaddiewhenhecamebackfromPryors’。Hetoredownthehouse，thentoreitup，andthenthrewaroundthepieces，andnoneofuscared。Everyonewasjustlaughing，shouting，andeverybitaspleasedashewas，whileIwastheQueenBee。Laddiesaidso，himself，andifhedidn’tknow，noonedid。Pryorshadbeenlovelytohim。Whenmotheraskedhimhowhemadeit，heanswered：“Irodeover，pickedupthePrincessandhelpedmyself。AfterIfinished，Irememberedthelittleunnecessaryformalityofaskinghertomarryme；andshesaidrightoutloudthatsheWOULD。WhenIhadtimeforthem，I
reachedFatherandMotherPryor，andmaybeitdoesn’tshow，butsomewhereonmypersonIcarrytheirblessing，geniallyandheartilygiven，Iamproudtostate。Now，I’monlyneedingyours，tomakemeakingamongmen。“
Theygaveitquiteaswillingly，Iamsure，althoughyoucouldseemotherscringewhenLaddiesaid“FatherandMotherPryor。“I
knewwhy。SheadoredLaddie，liketheBiblesaysyoumustadoretheAlmighty。FromatinybabyLaddiehadtakencareofher。Heusedtogoback，takeherhand，andtrytohelpheroverroughplaceswhilehestillworedresses。Straighton，hehadbeenlikethat；alwaysseeingwhentherewastoomuchworkandtryingtoshieldher；alwaysknowingwhenapainwascomingandfightingtoheaditoff；alwaysrememberingthethingstheothersforgot，goingtoherlastatnight，andhisfaceagainsthersonherpillowthefirstinthemorning，tolearnhowshewasbeforeheleftthehouse。Ifyouwerethemotherofamanlikethat，howwouldyouliketohearhimcallsomeoneelsemother，andhavethewordslipfromhistonguesoslickyoucouldseehedidn’tevenrealizethathehadusedit？Theanswerwouldbe，ifyouwerehonest，thatyouwouldn’thavelikeditanymorethanshedid。Sheknewhehadtogo。Shewantedhimtobehappy。ShewasassureofthemanhewasgoingtobeasshewassureofthemercyofGod。ThatisthestrongestwayIknowtotellit。ShewasunshakablysureofthemercyofGod，butIwasn’t。ThereweretimeswhenitseemedasifHecouldn’thearthemostpowerfulprayeryoucouldpray，andwheninsteadofmercy，youseemedtogetthelasttormentthatcouldbepiledon。Takerightnow。Laddiewashappy，andallofuswere，inaway；andinanotherwewerealmoststiffwithmisery。
Idreadedhisleavingusso，Iwouldsliptothehawkoakandcrymyselfsick，morethanonce；whetheranyoftheotherswerethatbigbabiesIdon’tknow；butanyway，THEYwerenothisLittleSister。Iwas。Ialwayshadbeen。Ialwayswouldbe，forthatmatter；buttherewasgoingtobeamightybigdifference。IhadthepoorcomfortthatI’ddonethethingmyself。Maybeifithadn’tbeenforstoppingthePrincesswhenItookhimthatpie，theyneverwouldhavemadeup，andshemighthavegoneacrosstheseaandstayedthere。Maybeshe’dgoyet，asmysteriouslyasshehadcome，andtakehimalong。SometimesIalmostwishedIhadn’ttriedtohelphim；butofcourseIdidn’treally。Then，too，I
hadsenseenoughtoknowthatlovingeachotherastheydid，theywouldn’tliveonthatclosetogetherforyearsandyears，andnotfindawaytomakeupforthemselves，liketheyhadatthestart。
IlikedLaddiesayingIhadmadehishappinessforhim；butI
wasn’tsuchafoolthatIdidn’tknowhecouldhavemadeitforhimselfjustaswell，andnodoubtbetter。SoeverythingwasallrightwithLaddie；andwhathappenedtous，thedayherodeawayforthelasttime，whenhewenttostay——whathappenedtous，then，wasouraffair。Wehadtotakeit，buteveryoneofusdreadedit，whilemotherdidn’tknowhowtobearit，andneitherdidI。OnceIsaidtoher：“Mother，whenLaddiegoeswe’lljusthavetomakeituptoeachotherthebestwecan，won’twe？“
“Ohmysoul，child！“shecried，staringatmesosurprised-like。
“Why，howunspeakablyselfishIhavebeen！Nolittlelostsheepeverranthisfarmsodesolateasyouwillbewithoutyourbrother。Forgivemebaby，andcomehere！“
Gee，butwedidcryitouttogether！TheGodshebelievedinhaswipedawayhertearslongago；thisminuteIcanscarcelyseethepaperformine。Ifyoucouldcallanythinghappiness，thatwasmixedwithfeelinglikethat，why，then，wewerehappyaboutLaddie。ButfromthingsIheardfatherandmothersay，Iknewtheycouldhavebornehisgoingaway，andfeltatriflebetterthantheydid。Iwasquitesuretheyhadstoppedthinkingthathewasgoingtolosehissoul，buttheycouldn’thelpfeelingsolongasthatoldmysteryhungoverPryorsthathemightgetintotroublethroughit。Fathersaidifithadn’tbeenforMr。
Pryor’sstubbornandpervertednotionsaboutGod，hewouldlikethemanimmensely，andlovetobefriends；andifLaddiemarriedintothefamilywewouldhavetobeasfriendlyaswecouldanyway。HesaidhehadsuchahighopinionofMr。Pryor’sintegritythathedidn’tbelievehe’dencourageLaddietoenterhisfamilyifitwouldinvolvetheboyinserioustrouble。
Motherdidn’tknow。Anyway，thethingwasdone，andbyfall，nodoubt，Laddiewouldleaveus。
Justwhenweweretryingtokeepastiffupperlipbeforehim，andwhistlingashardaseverhehad，tobraceourcourage，alettercameformotherfromtheheadofthemusicschoolShelleyattended，sayingshewasnolongerfitforwork，soshewasbeingsenthomeatonce，andtheywouldadviseustoconsultaspecialistimmediately。Mothersatandstaredatfather，andfatherwenttohitchthehorsestodrivetoGroveville。
There’sonlyoneotherdayofmylifethatstandsoutasclearlyasthat。Thehousewascleanaswecouldmakeit。Ifinishedfeedingearly，andhadmostofthetimetomyself。IwentdowntotheBigHill，andfollowedthetopofittoourwoods。ThenI
turnedaround，andstartedtowardtheroad，justidling。IfI
sawalovelyspotIsatdownandwatchedallaroundmetoseeifaFairyreallywouldgoslippingpast，orlieasleepunderaleaf。Ipeekedandpeeredsoftly，goingfromspottospot，watchingeverything。SometimesIhungoverthewater，andstudiedtinylittlefishwithred，yellow，andblueonthem，brightasflowers。Thedragonflieswouldalightrightonme，andsomeworebrightbluemarkingsandsomebloodred。Therewasabluebeetle，abeautifulgreenfly，andhowthebluewaspsdidflip，flirtandglintinthelight。Sodidtheblackbirdsandtheredwings。Thatembankmentwasleftespeciallytoshadethewater，andtofeedthebirds。Everyfootofitwascoveredwithalders，wildcherry，hazelbush，mulberries，everythinghavingaberryornut。Therewereseveralscrubappletrees，manyredhaws，thewildstrawberriesspreadinbigbedsinplaces，andsomeofthemwerecolouring。
Wildflowersgreweverywhere，greatbedswerebluewithcalamus，andthebirdsflockedincompaniestodriveawaythewaterblacksnakesthatoftenfoundnests，andlikedeggsandbirdbabies。WhenIcametotheroadatlast，thesunwasaroundsothebigoakonthetopofthehillthrewitsshadowacrossthebridge，andIlayalongoneedgeandwatchedthecreekbottom，orelseIsatupsothewaterflowedovermyfeet，andlookedattheembankmentandthesky。Inaway，itwasthemostpeculiardayofmylife。Ihadplentytothinkof，butIneverthoughtatall。Ionlylived。Isatwatchingtheworldgopastthroughasortofgoldenhazethesunmade。Whenapairofkingbirdsandthreecrowschasedoneofmyhawkspell-mellacrossthesky，I
lookedonanddidn’tgiveacentwhathappened。Whenabigblacksnakedarteditsheadthroughsweetgrassandcattails，andcaughtafrogthathadclimbedonamossystoneintheshadetodineonflies，Iletitgo。AnyothertimeIwouldhavehuntedastickandmadethesnakeletloose。To-dayIjustsatthereandletthingshappenastheydid。
AtlastIwandereduptheroad，climbedthebackgardenfence，andsatontheboardattheedgeofaflowerbed，andto-day，I
couldtelltothelastbutterflyaboutthatgarden：whatwasinbloom，howfarthingshadgrown，andwhathappened。BobbyflewundertheBartlettpeartreeandcrowedforme，butInevercalledhim。Isatthereandlivedon，andmostlywatchedthebeestumbleoverthebluebells。Theywerealmostreadytobecuttoputinthebutteredtumblersforperfume，likemothermadeforus。ThenIwentintothehouseandlookedatGraceGreenwood，butIdidn’ttakeheralong。MothercamepastandgavemeapieceofstiffyellowbrocadedsilkaslovelyasIeverhadseen，enoughforadressskirt；andahand-embroideredchemisesleevethatonlyneededabandandabuttontomakeapetticoatforaQueendoll，butIlaidthemawayandwanderedintotheorchard。
Idraggedmybarefeetthroughthewarmgrass，andfinallysatunderthebeetredpeachtree。IfeverIseemedsortoflostandsorryformyself，thatwasagoodplacetogo；itwassoeasytofeelabusedtherebecauseyoudidn’tdaretouchthosepeaches。
Fluffybabychickenswererunningaround，butIdidn’tcare；
therewasmorethanabirdforeverytree，bluebirdsespecially；
theyjustlovedusandcameearlyandstayedlate，andgrewsofriendlytheynestedalloverthewoodhouse，smokehouse，andanyplacewefixedforthem，andineveryhollowapplelimb。
Bobbycameagain，butIdidn’tpayanyattentiontohim。
ThenIheardthecarriagecrossthebridge。Iknewwhenitwasfather，everysingletimehisteamtouchedthefirstplank。SoI
ranlikeanIndian，andshinnedupacedartree，scratchingmyselfuntilIbled。AwayupIstoodonalimb，heldtothetreeandwaited。Fatherdrovetothegate，andmothercameout，withMay，Candace，andLeonfollowing。WhenShelleytouchedthegroundandstraightened，anyothertreeexceptasprucehavinglimbstoholdmeup，Iwouldhavefallenfromit。Shelookedexactlyasifshehadturnedtotombstonewitheyesandhairalive。Shestoppedasecondtobrushalittlekissacrossmother’slips，totheothersshesaidwithoutevenglancingatthem：“Ohdoletmeliedownaminute！Themotionofthattrainmademesick。“
Well，Ishouldsayitdid！Iquitliving，andbeganthinkinginahooray，andsodideveryoneelseatourhouse。OnceIhadbeensickandqueeneditoverthemforawhile，nowallofusstrainedourselvestryingtowaitonShelley；butshewouldn’thaveit。Sheonlysaidshewastiredtodeath，toletherrest，andsheturnedherfacetothewallandlaythere。Onceshesaidsheneverwantedtoseeacityagainsolongasshelived。WhenmothertoldheraboutLaddieandthePrincesstotrytointeresther，sheneversaidaword；Idoubtedifsheevenlistened。
Fatherandmotherlookedateachother，whentheythoughtnoonewouldsee，andtheireyessentbig，anxiousquestionsflashingbackandforth。ImadeupmymindI’dkeepawakethatnightandhearwhattheysaid，ifIhadtotakepinstobedwithmeandstickmyself。
OncemothersaidtoShelleythatshewasgoingtosendforDr。
Fenner，andsheanswered：“Allright，ifyouneedhim。Don’tyoudareforme！I’llnotseehim。AllIwantisalittlepeaceandrest。“
Theidea！Notoneofuseverhadspokentomotherlikethatbeforeinallourborndays。Iheldmybreathtoseewhatshewoulddo，butshedidn’tseemtohaveheardit，ortonoticehowrudeithadbeen。Well，THATtoldaboutasplainasanythingwhatwehadonourhands。IwanderedaroundandNOWtherewasnotroubleaboutthinkingthings。TheycameinsuchajumbleI
couldgetnosensefromthem；butonebigblackthoughtcameover，andover，andover，andwouldn’tbeputaway。Itjuststood，stayed，forcedyou，andmadeyoulookitintheface。IfShelleyweren’tstoppedquicklyshewasgoinguponthehillwiththelittlefeverandwhoopingcoughsisters。Thereitwas！Youcouldtrytothinkotherthings，toplay，towork，totalkitdowninthepulpit，tosingitoutinatree，toslidedownthehaystackawayfromit——thereitstayed！AndeveryglimpseyouhadofShelleymadeitsurer。
Therewasnotroubleaboutkeepingawakethatnight；Icouldn’tsleep。IstoodatthewindowandlookeddowntheBigHillthroughthesoftwhitemoonlight，andthoughtaboutit，andthenIthoughtofmother。IguessNOWyouseewhatkindofthingsmothershavetoface。Alldayshehadgonearounddoingherwork，everyfewminutessuggestingsomenewthingforoneofustotry，ortryingitherself；alldayshehadtalkedandlaughed，andwhenSarahHoodcameshetoldhershethoughtShelleymustbebilious，thatshehadtravelledallnightandwassleeping：butshewouldbeupthefirstplaceshewent，andthentheytalkedallovercreationandMrs。Hoodwenthomeandneverrememberedthatshehadn’tseenShelley。SheworkedMrs。Freshettoffthesameway，butyoucouldseeshewasalmosttootiredtodoit，sobynightshewasnearlyaswhiteasShelley，yetkeepingthingsgoing。Whenthehousewasstill，shecameintotheroom，andstoodatthewindowasIhad，untilfatherentered，thensheturned，andIcouldseetheywerestaringateachotherinthemoonlight，astheyhadallday。
“She’ssick？“askedfather，atlast。
“Heartsick！“saidmotherbitterly。
“We’dbetterhaveDoccome？“
“Shesayssheisn’tsick，andshewon’tseehim。“
“ShewillifIputmyfootdown。“
“Bestnot，Paul！She’llfeelbettersoon。She’ssoyoung！Shemustgetoverit。“
Theyweresilentforalongtimeandthenfatheraskedinaharshwhisper：“Ruth，canshepossiblyhavebroughtustoshame？“
“Godforbid！“criedmother。“Letuspray。“
Thenthosetwopeoplekneltoneachsideofthatbed，andIcouldhearhalfthewordstheymuttered，untilIwaswildenoughtoscream。IwishedwithallmyheartthatIhadn’tlistened。I