第23章
加入书架 A- A+
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  Well,itmustbeanewexperience——forCyril。Foramanwhosedailyexistenceforyearshasbeenrubber-heeledandwoolen-padded,andwhosefamilyfromboyhoodhasstoodatattentionandsalutedifhesomuchaslookedatthem,itmustbequiteachange,asthingsarenow。

  However,it’llbedifferent,ofcourse,whenMarieisonherfeetagain。’

  Doessheknowatallhowthingsaregoing?’

  Notverymuch,asyet,thoughIbelieveshehasbeguntoworrysome。Sheconfidedtomeonedaythatshewasglad,ofcourse,thatshehadtwodarlingbabies,insteadofone;butthatshewasafraiditmightbehard,justatfirst,toteachthembothatoncetobequiet;forshewasafraidthatwhileshewasteachingone,theotherwouldbesuretocry,ordosomethingnoisy。’

  Dosomethingnoisy,indeed!’ejaculatedAuntHannah。

  Asfortherealstateofaffairs,Mariedoesn’tdreamthatCyril’ssacreddenisgivenovertoTeddybearsandbabyblankets。Allis,Ihopeshe’llbemeasurablystrongbeforeshedoesfinditout,’laughedBilly,assheroseto

  WilliamcamebackfromhisbusinesstriptheeighthofJuly,andontheninthBillyandBertramwenttoNewYork。Eliza’smotherwassowellnowthatElizahadtakenupheroldquartersintheStrata,andthehouseholdaffairswereoncemorerunninglikeclockwork。LaterintheseasonWilliamwouldgoawayforamonth’sfishingtrip,andthehousewouldbeclosed。

  Mr。andMrs。BertramHenshawwerenotexpectedtoreturnuntilthefirstofOctober;butwithElizatolookafterthecomfortofWilliam,themistressofthehousedidnoworrying。EversincePete’sgoing,Elizahadsaidthatshepreferredtobetheonlymaid,withacharwomantocomeinfortheheavierwork;andtothisarrangementhermistresshadwillinglyconsented,forthepresent。

  Marieandthebabiesweredoingfinely,andAuntHannah’shealth,andaffairsattheAnnex,wereallthatcouldbedesired。AsBilly,indeed,sawit,therewasonlyoneflawtomarherperfectcontentonthisholidaytripwithBertram,andthatwasherdisappointmentovertheveryevidentdisasterthathadcometohercherishedmatrimonialplansforArkwrightandAliceGreggory。ShecouldnotforgetArkwright’sfacethatdayattheAnnex,whenshehadsofoolishlycalledhisattentiontoCalderwell’sdevotion;andshecouldnotforget,either,AliceGreggory’sveryobviousperturbationalittlelater,andhersuspiciouslyemphaticassertionthatshehadnointentionofmarryinganyone,certainlynotArkwright。AsBillythoughtofallthisnow,shecouldnotbutadmitthatitdidlookdarkforArkwright——poorArkwright,whomshe,morethananyoneelseintheworld,perhaps,hadaspecialreasonforwishingtoseehappilymarried。

  Therewas,then,thisonecloudonBilly’shorizonasthebigboatthatwastobearheracrossthewatersteameddowntheharborthatbeautifulJulyday。

  Asitchanced,naturally,perhaps,notonlywasBillythinkingofArkwrightthatmorning,butArkwrightwasthinkingofBilly。

  ArkwrighthadthoughtfrequentlyofBillyduringthelastfewdays,particularlysincethatafternoonmeetingattheAnnexwhenthefourhadrenewedtheiroldgoodtimestogether。UptothatdayArkwrighthadbeentryingnottothinkofBilly。Hehadbeenfightinghistigerskin。’Sternlyhehadbeenforcinghimselftomeether,toseeher,totalkwithher,tosingwithher,ortopassherby——allwiththeindifferenceproperlyexpectedtobeshowninassociationwithMrs。BertramHenshaw,anotherman’swife。Hehadknown,ofcourse,thatdeepdowninhishearthelovedher,alwayshadlovedher,andalwayswouldloveher。Hopelesslyanddrearilyheacceptedthisasafactevenwhilewithallhismightfightingthattigerskin。Sosurewashe,indeed,ofthis,soimplicitlyhadheaccepteditasanunalterablecertainty,thatintimeevenhiseffortstofightitbecamealmostmechanicalandunconsciousintheirsternroundofforcedindifference。

  ThencamethatdayattheAnnex——andthediscovery:thediscoverywhichhehadmadewhenBillycalledhisattentiontoCalderwellandAliceGreggoryacrosstheroominthecorner;

  thediscoverywhichhadcomewithsoblindingaforce,andwhichevennowhewastemptedtoquestionastoitsreality;thediscoverythatnotBillyNeilson,norMrs。BertramHenshaw,noreventhetenderghostofalostloveheldthecenterofhisheart——butAliceGreggory。

  ThefirstintimationofallthishadcomewithhiscuriousfeelingofunreasoninghatredandblindindignationtowardCalderwellas,throughBilly’seyes,hehadseenthetwotogether。ThenhadcometheoverwhelminglongingtopickupAliceGreggoryandrunoffwithher——somewhere,anywhere,sothatCalderwellcouldnotfollow。

  Atonce,however,hehadpulledhimselfupshortwiththementalcryofAbsurd!’WhatwasittohimifCalderwelldidcareforAliceGreggory?Surelyhehimselfwasnotinlovewiththegirl。HewasinlovewithBilly;thatis——

  Itwasallconfusionthen,inhismind,andhewasgladindeedwhenhecouldleavethehouse。

  Hewantedtobealone。Hewantedtothink。

  Hemust,insomeway,thrashoutthisastoundingthingthathadcometohim。

  ArkwrightdidnotvisittheAnnexagainforsomedays。Untilhewasmorenearlysureofhimselfandofhisfeelings,hedidnotwishtoseeAliceGreggory。ItwasthenthathebegantothinkofBilly,deliberately,purposefully,foritmustbe,ofcourse,thathehadmadeamistake,hetoldhimself。Itmustbethathedid,really,stillcareforBilly——thoughofcourseheoughtnotto。

  Arkwrightmadeanotherdiscoverythen。Helearnedthat,howeverdeliberatelyhestartedintothinkofBilly,heendedeverytimeinthinkingofAlice。Hethoughtofhowgoodshehadbeentohim,andofhowfaithfulshehadbeeninhelpinghimtofighthisloveforBilly。Justherehedecided,foramoment,thatprobably,afterall,hisfeelingofangeragainstCalderwellwasmerelythefearoflosingthishelpfulcomradeshipthathesoneeded。Evenwithhimself,however,Arkwrightcouldnotkeepupthisfarcelong,andverysoonheadmittedmiserablythatitwasnotthecomradeshipofAliceGreggorythathewantedorneeded,butthelove。

  Heknewitnow。Nolongerwasthereanyuseinbeatingaboutthebush。HedidloveAliceGreggory;butsocuriouslyandunbelievablystupidhadhebeenthathehadnotfounditoutuntilnow。Andnowitwastoolate。HadnotevenBillycalledhisattentiontothefactofCalderwell’sdevotion?Besides,hadnothehimself,attheveryfirst,toldCalderwellthathemighthaveaclearfield?

  Foolthathehadbeentoletanotherthuslightlystepinandwinfromunderhisverynosewhatmighthavebeenhisifhehadbutknownhisownmindbeforeitwastoolate!

  Butwasit,afterall,quitetoolate?HeandAlicewereoldfriends。Awaybackintheiryoungdaysintheirnativetowntheyhadbeen,indeed,almostsweethearts,inaboy-and-girlfashion。

  Itwouldnothavetakenmuchinthosedays,hebelieved,tohavemadetherelationshipmoreinteresting。Butchangeshadcome。Alicehadlefttown,andforyearstheyhaddriftedapart。

  ThenhadcomeBilly,andBillyhadfoundAlice,thusbringingabouttheoddcircumstanceoftheirrenewingofacquaintanceship。Perhaps,atthattime,ifhehadnotalreadythoughthecaredforBilly,therewouldhavebeensomethingmorethanacquaintanceship。

  Buthe_had_thoughthecaredforBillyalltheseyears;andnow,atthislateday,towakeupandfindthathecaredforAlice!Aprettymesshehadmadeofthings!Washesoinconstantthen,sofickle?Didhenotknowhisownmindfiveminutesatatime?WhatwouldAliceGreggorythink,evenifhefoundthecouragetotellher?

  Whatcouldshethink?Whatcouldanybodythink?

  Arkwrightfairlygroundhisteethinimpotentwrath——andhedidnotknowwhetherhewerethemostangrythathedidnotloveBilly,orthathehadlovedBilly,orthathelovedsomebodyelsenow。

  ItwaswhilehewasinthisunenviableframeofmindthathewenttoseeAlice。Notthathehadplanneddefinitelytospeaktoherofhisdiscovery,noryetthathehadplannednotto。Hehad,indeed,plannednothing。Foramanusuallysodecidedastopurposeandenergeticastoaction,hewasinamostunhappystateofuncertaintyandchangeableness。Onethingonlywasunmistakablycleartohim,andthatwasthathemustseeAlice。

  Formonths,now,hehadtakentoAliceallhishopesandgriefs,perplexitiesandproblems;andneverhadhefailedtofindcomfortintheshapeofsympatheticunderstandingandwisecounsel。

  ToAlice,therefore,nowheturnedasamatterofcourse,tellinghimselfvaguelythat,perhaps,afterhehadseenAlice,hewouldfeelbetter。

  JusthowintimatelythisparticularproblemofhisconcernedAliceherself,hedidnotstoptorealize。Hedidnot,indeed,thinkofitatallfromAlice’sstandpoint——untilhecamefacetofacewiththegirlintheliving-roomattheAnnex。

  Then,suddenly,hedid。Hismannerbecameatonce,consequently,fullofembarrassmentandquitedevoidofitsusualfrankfriendliness。

  Asithappened,thiswasperhapsthemostunfortunatethingthatcouldhaveoccurred,sofarasitconcernedtheattitudeofAliceGreggory,fortherebyinnumerabletinysparksofsuspicionthathadbeentormentingthegirlfordayswereinstantlyfannedintoconsumingflamesofconviction。

  AlicehadnotbeenslowtonoteArkwright’sprolongedabsencefromtheAnnex。ComingasitdidsosoonafterhermostdisconcertingtalkwithBillyinregardtoherownrelationswithhim,ithadfilledherwithfrightenedquestionings。

  IfBillyhadseenthingstomakeherthinkoflinkingtheirnamestogether,perhapsArkwrighthimselfhadheardsomesuchideaputforthsomewhere,andthatwaswhyhewasstayingaway——toshowtheworldthattherewasnofoundationforsuchrumors。Perhapshewasevendoingittoshow_her_that——

  EveninherthoughtsAlicecouldscarcelybringherselftofinishthesentence。ThatArkwrightshouldeversuspectforamomentthatshecaredforhimwasintolerable。Painfullyconsciousasshewasthatshedidcareforhim,itwaseasytofearthatothersmustbeconsciousofit,too。HadshenotalreadyproofthatBillysuspectedit?Why,then,mightnotitbequitepossible,evenprobable,thatArkwrightsuspectedit,also;and,becausehedidsuspectit,haddecidedthatitwouldbejustaswell,perhaps,ifhedidnotcallsooften。

  InspiteofAlice’sangryinsistencetoherselfthat,afterall,thiscouldnotbethecase——

  thattheman_knew_sheunderstoodhestilllovedBilly——shecouldnothelpfearing,inthefaceofArkwright’sunusualabsence,thatitmightyetbetrue。When,therefore,hefinallydidappear,onlytobecomeatonceobviouslyembarrassedinherpresence,herfearsinstantlybecameconvictions。Itwastrue,then。Themandidbelieveshecaredforhim,andhehadbeentryingtoteachher——tosaveher。

  Toteachher!Tosaveher,indeed!Verywell,heshouldsee!Andforthwith,fromthatmoment,AliceGreggory’schiefreasonforlivingbecametoprovetoMr。M。J。Arkwrightthatheneedednottoteachher,tosaveher,noryettosympathizewithher。

  Howdoyoudo?’shegreetedhim,withaparticularlybrightsmile。I’msureI_hope_youarewell,suchabeautifuldayasthis。’

  Oh,yes,I’mwell,Isuppose。Still,Ihavefeltbetterinmylife,’smiledArkwright,withsomeconstraint。

  Oh,I’msorry,’murmuredthegirl,strivingsohardtospeakwithimpersonalunconcernthatshedidnotnoticetheinaptnessofherreply。

  Eh?SorryI’vefeltbetter,areyou?’

  retortedArkwright,withnervoushumor。Then,becausehewasembarrassed,hesaidtheonethinghehadmeantnottosay:Don’tyouthinkI’mquiteastranger?It’sbeensometimesinceI’vebeenhere。’

  Alice,smartingunderthestingofwhatshejudgedtobetheonlypossiblecauseforhisembarrassment,leapedtothisnewopportunitytoshowherlackofinterest。

  Oh,hasit?’shemurmuredcarelessly。

  Well,Idon’tknowbutithas,nowthatIcometothinkofit。’

  Arkwrightfrownedgloomily。Aweekagohewouldhavetossedbackalaughinglyaggrievedremarkastoherunflatteringindifferencetohispresence。Nowhewasinnomoodforsuchjoking。Itwastooseriousamatterwithhim。

  You’vebeenbusy,nodoubt,with——othermatters,’hepresumedforlornly,thinkingofCalderwell。

  Yes,Ihavebeenbusy,’assentedthegirl。

  Oneisalwayshappier,Ithink,tobebusy。

  NotthatImeantthatIneededtheworkto_be_

  happy,’sheaddedhastily,inapaniclesthethinkshehadaconsumingsorrowtokill。

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