第150章
加入书架 A- A+
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  Asheembracedher,shesaidtohim,’Theynevertoldmeyouwereill,’anddrawinganarmsoftlyroundhisneck,laidhisheaduponherbosom,putahanduponhishead,andrestinghercheekuponthathand,nursedhimaslovingly,andGODknowsasinnocently,asshehadnursedherfatherinthatroomwhenshehadbeenbutababy,needingallthecarefromothersthatshetookofthem。

  Whenhecouldspeak,hesaid,’Isitpossiblethatyouhavecometome?Andinthisdress?’

  ’Ihopedyouwouldlikemebetterinthisdressthananyother。I

  havealwayskeptitbyme,toremindme:thoughIwantednoreminding。Iamnotalone,yousee。Ihavebroughtanoldfriendwithme。’

  Lookinground,hesawMaggyinherbigcapwhichhadbeenlongabandoned,withabasketonherarmasinthebygonedays,chucklingrapturously。

  ’ItwasonlyyesterdayeveningthatIcametoLondonwithmybrother。IsentroundtoMrsPlornishalmostassoonaswearrived,thatImighthearofyouandletyouknowIhadcome。

  ThenIheardthatyouwerehere。Didyouhappentothinkofmeinthenight?Ialmostbelieveyoumusthavethoughtofmealittle。

  Ithoughtofyousoanxiously,anditappearedsolongtomorning。’

  ’Ihavethoughtofyou——’hehesitatedwhattocallher。Sheperceiveditinaninstant。

  ’Youhavenotspokentomebymyrightnameyet。Youknowwhatmyrightnamealwaysiswithyou。’

  ’Ihavethoughtofyou,LittleDorrit,everyday,everyhour,everyminute,sinceIhavebeenhere。’

  ’Haveyou?Haveyou?’

  Hesawthebrightdelightofherface,andtheflushthatkindledinit,withafeelingofshame。He,abroken,bankrupt,sick,dishonouredprisoner。

  ’Iwasherebeforethegateswereopened,butIwasafraidtocomestraighttoyou。Ishouldhavedoneyoumoreharmthangood,atfirst;fortheprisonwassofamiliarandyetsostrange,anditbroughtbacksomanyremembrancesofmypoorfather,andofyoutoo,thatatfirstitoverpoweredme。ButwewenttoMrChiverybeforewecametothegate,andhebroughtusin,andgotjohn’sroomforus——mypooroldroom,youknow——andwewaitedtherealittle。Ibroughttheflowerstothedoor,butyoudidn’thearme。’

  Shelookedsomethingmorewomanlythanwhenshehadgoneaway,andtheripeningtouchoftheItaliansunwasvisibleuponherface。

  But,otherwise,shewasquiteunchanged。Thesamedeep,timidearnestnessthathehadalwaysseeninher,andneverwithoutemotion,hesawstill。Ifithadanewmeaningthatsmotehimtotheheart,thechangewasinhisperception,notinher。

  Shetookoffheroldbonnet,hungitintheoldplace,andnoiselesslybegan,withMaggy’shelp,tomakehisroomasfreshandneatasitcouldbemade,andtosprinkleitwithapleasant-

  smellingwater。Whenthatwasdone,thebasket,whichwasfilledwithgrapesandotherfruit,wasunpacked,andallitscontentswerequietlyputaway。Whenthatwasdone,amoment’swhisperdespatchedMaggytodespatchsomebodyelsetofillthebasketagain;whichsooncamebackreplenishedwithnewstores,fromwhichapresentprovisionofcoolingdrinkandjelly,andaprospectivesupplyofroastchickenandwineandwater,werethefirstextracts。Thesevariousarrangementscompleted,shetookoutheroldneedle-casetomakehimacurtainforhiswindow;andthus,withaquietreigningintheroom,thatseemedtodiffuseitselfthroughtheelsenoisyprison,hefoundhimselfcomposedinhischair,withLittleDorritworkingathisside。

  Toseethemodestheadagainbentdownoveritstask,andthenimblefingersbusyattheiroldwork——thoughshewasnotsoabsorbedinit,butthathercompassionateeyeswereoftenraisedtohisface,and,whentheydroopedagainhadtearsinthem——tobesoconsoledandcomforted,andtobelievethatallthedevotionofthisgreatnaturewasturnedtohiminhisadversitytopouroutitsinexhaustiblewealthofgoodnessuponhim,didnotsteadyClennam’stremblingvoiceorhand,orstrengthenhiminhisweakness。Yetitinspiredhimwithaninwardfortitude,thatrosewithhislove。Andhowdearlyhelovedhernow,whatwordscantell!

  Astheysatsidebysideintheshadowofthewall,theshadowfelllikelightuponhim。Shewouldnotlethimspeakmuch,andhelaybackinhischair,lookingather。Nowandagainshewouldriseandgivehimtheglassthathemightdrink,orwouldsmooththeresting-placeofhishead;thenshewouldgentlyresumeherseatbyhim,andbendoverherworkagain。

  Theshadowmovedwiththesun,butshenevermovedfromhisside,excepttowaituponhim。Thesunwentdownandshewasstillthere。Shehaddoneherworknow,andherhand,falteringonthearmofhischairsinceitslasttendingofhim,washesitatingthereyet。Helaidhishanduponit,anditclaspedhimwithatremblingsupplication。

  ’DearMrClennam,ImustsaysomethingtoyoubeforeIgo。Ihaveputitofffromhourtohour,butImustsayit。’

  ’Itoo,dearLittleDorrit。IhaveputoffwhatImustsay。’

  Shenervouslymovedherhandtowardshislipsasiftostophim;

  thenitdropped,trembling,intoitsformerplace。

  ’Iamnotgoingabroadagain。Mybrotheris,butIamnot。Hewasalwaysattachedtome,andheissogratefultomenow——somuchtoograteful,foritisonlybecauseIhappenedtobewithhiminhisillness——thathesaysIshallbefreetostaywhereIlikebest,andtodowhatIlikebest。Heonlywishesmetobehappy,hesays。’

  Therewasonebrightstarshininginthesky。ShelookedupatitWhileshespoke,asifitweretheferventpurposeofherownheartshiningaboveher。

  ’Youwillunderstand,Idaresay,withoutmytellingyou,thatmybrotherhascomehometofindmydearfather’swill,andtotakepossessionofhisproperty。Hesays,ifthereisawill,heissureishallbeleftrich;andifthereisnone,thathewillmakemeso。’

  Hewouldhavespoken;butsheputuphertremblinghandagain,andhestopped。

  ’Ihavenouseformoney,Ihavenowishforit。Itwouldbeofnovalueatalltomebutforyoursake。Icouldnotberich,andyouhere。Imustalwaysbemuchworsethanpoor,withyoudistressed。

  WillyouletmelendyouallIhave?Willyouletmegiveityou?

  WillyouletmeshowyouthatIhaveneverforgotten,thatInevercanforget,yourprotectionofmewhenthiswasmyhome?DearMrClennam,makemeofalltheworldthehappiest,bysayingYes。

  MakemeashappyasIcanbeinleavingyouhere,bysayingnothingto-night,andlettingmegoawaywiththehopethatyouwillthinkofitkindly;andthatformysake——notforyours,formine,fornobody’sbutmine!——youwillgivemethegreatestjoyIcanexperienceonearth,thejoyofknowingthatIhavebeenserviceabletoyou,andthatIhavepaidsomelittleofthegreatdebtofmyaffectionandgratitude。Ican’tsaywhatIwishtosay。Ican’tvisityouherewhereIhavelivedsolong,Ican’tthinkofyouherewhereIhaveseensomuch,andbeascalmandcomfortingasIought。Mytearswillmaketheirway。Icannotkeepthemback。Butpray,pray,pray,donotturnfromyourLittleDorrit,now,inyouraffliction!Pray,pray,pray,Ibegyouandimploreyouwithallmygrievingheart,myfriend——mydear!——takeallIhave,andmakeitaBlessingtome!’

  Thestarhadshoneonherfaceuntilnow,whenherfacesankuponhishandandherown。

  Ithadgrowndarkerwhenheraisedherinhisencirclingarm,andsoftlyansweredher。

  ’No,darlingLittleDorrit。No,mychild。Imustnothearofsuchasacrifice。Libertyandhopewouldbesodear,boughtatsuchaprice,thatIcouldneversupporttheirweight,neverbearthereproachofpossessingthem。ButwithwhatardentthankfulnessandloveIsaythis,ImaycallHeaventowitness!’

  ’Andyetyouwillnotletmebefaithfultoyouinyouraffliction?’

  ’Say,dearestLittleDorrit,andyetIwilltrytobefaithfultoyou。If,inthebygonedayswhenthiswasyourhomeandwhenthiswasyourdress,IhadunderstoodmyselfIspeakonlyofmyself

  better,andhadreadthesecretsofmyownbreastmoredistinctly;

  if,throughmyreserveandself-mistrust,IhaddiscernedalightthatIseebrightlynowwhenithaspassedfaraway,andmyweakfootstepscanneverovertakeit;ifIhadthenknown,andtoldyouthatIlovedandhonouredyou,notasthepoorchildIusedtocallyou,butasawomanwhosetruehandwouldraisemehighabovemyselfandmakemeafarhappierandbetterman;ifIhadsousedtheopportunitythereisnorecalling——asIwishIhad,OIwishI

  had!——andifsomethinghadkeptusapartthen,whenIwasmoderatelythriving,andwhenyouwerepoor;Imighthavemetyournobleofferofyourfortune,dearestgirl,withotherwordsthanthese,andstillhaveblushedtotouchit。But,asitis,Imustnevertouchit,never!’

  Shebesoughthim,morepatheticallyandearnestly,withherlittlesupplicatoryhand,thanshecouldhavedoneinanywords。

  ’Iamdisgracedenough,myLittleDorrit。Imustnotdescendsolowasthat,andcarryyou——sodear,sogenerous,sogood——downwithme。GODblessyou,GODrewardyou!Itispast。’Hetookherinhisarms,asifshehadbeenhisdaughter。

  ’Alwayssomucholder,somuchrougher,andsomuchlessworthy,evenwhatIwasmustbedismissedbybothofus,andyoumustseemeonlyasIam。Iputthispartingkissuponyourcheek,mychild——whomighthavebeenmoreneartome,whonevercouldhavebeenmoredear——aruinedmanfarremovedfromyou,foreverseparatedfromyou,whosecourseisrunwhileyoursisbutbeginning。Ihavenotthecouragetoasktobeforgottenbyyouinmyhumiliation;butIasktoberememberedonlyasIam。’

  Thebellbegantoring,warningvisitorstodepart。Hetookhermantlefromthewall,andtenderlywrappeditroundher。

  ’Oneotherword,myLittleDorrit。Ahardonetome,butitisanecessaryone。Thetimewhenyouandthisprisonhadanythingincommonhaslonggoneby。Doyouunderstand?’

  ’O!youwillneversaytome,’shecried,weepingbitterly,andholdingupherclaspedhandsinentreaty,’thatIamnottocomebackanymore!Youwillsurelynotdesertmeso!’

  ’Iwouldsayit,ifIcould;butIhavenotthecouragequitetoshutoutthisdearface,andabandonallhopeofitsreturn。Butdonotcomesoon,donotcomeoften!Thisisnowataintedplace,andIwellknowthetaintofitclingstome。Youbelongtomuchbrighterandbetterscenes。Youarenottolookbackhere,myLittleDorrit;youaretolookawaytoverydifferentandmuchhappierpaths。Again,GODblessyouinthem!GODrewardyou!’

  Maggy,whohadfallenintoverylowspirits,herecried,’Ohgethimintoahospital;dogethimintoahospital,Mother!He’llneverlooklikehisselfagain,ifhean’tgotintoahospital。Andthenthelittlewomanaswasalwaysaspinningatherwheel,shecangotothecupboardwiththePrincess,andsay,whatdoyoukeeptheChickingtherefor?andthentheycantakeitoutandgiveittohim,andthenallbehappy!’

  Theinterruptionwasseasonable,forthebellhadnearlyrungitselfout。Againtenderlywrappinghermantleabouther,andtakingheronhisarmthough,butforhervisit,hewasalmosttooweaktowalk,ArthurledLittleDorritdown-stairs。ShewasthelastvisitortopassoutattheLodge,andthegatejarredheavilyandhopelesslyuponher。

  WiththefuneralclangthatitsoundedintoArthur’sheart,hissenseofweaknessreturned。Itwasatoilsomejourneyup-stairstohisroom,andhere-entereditsdarksolitaryprecinctsinunutterablemisery。

  Whenitwasalmostmidnight,andtheprisonhadlongbeenquiet,acautiouscreakcameupthestairs,andacautioustapofakeywasgivenathisdoor。ItwasYoungJohn。Heglidedin,inhisstockings,andheldthedoorclosed,whilehespokeinawhisper。

  ’It’sagainstallrules,butIdon’tmind。Iwasdeterminedtocomethrough,andcometoyou。’

  ’Whatisthematter?’

  ’Nothing’sthematter,sir。Iwaswaitinginthecourt-yardforMissDorritwhenshecameout。Ithoughtyou’dlikesomeonetoseethatshewassafe。’

  ’Thankyou,thankyou!Youtookherhome,John?’

  ’Isawhertoherhotel。ThesamethatMrDorritwasat。MissDorritwalkedalltheway,andtalkedtomesokind,itquiteknockedmeover。Whydoyouthinkshewalkedinsteadofriding?’

  ’Idon’tknow,John。’

  ’Totalkaboutyou。Shesaidtome,“John,youwasalwayshonourable,andifyou’llpromisemethatyouwilltakecareofhim,andneverlethimwantforhelpandcomfortwhenIamnotthere,mymindwillbeatrestsofar。“Ipromisedher。AndI’llstandbyyou,’saidJohnChivery,’forever!’

  Clennam,muchaffected,stretchedouthishandtothishonestspirit。

  ’BeforeItakeit,’saidJohn,lookingatit,withoutcomingfromthedoor,’guesswhatmessageMissDorritgaveme。’

  Clennamshookhishead。

  ’“Tellhim,“’repeatedJohn,inadistinct,thoughquaveringvoice,’“thathisLittleDorritsenthimherundyinglove。“Nowit’sdelivered。HaveIbeenhonourable,sir?’

  ’Very,very!’

  ’WillyoutellMissDorritI’vebeenhonourable,sir?’

  ’Iwillindeed。’

  ’There’smyhand,sir,’saidjohn,’andI’llstandbyyouforever!’

  Afteraheartysqueeze,hedisappearedwiththesamecautiouscreakuponthestair,creptshoelessoverthepavementoftheyard,and,lockingthegatesbehindhim,passedoutintothefrontwherehehadlefthisshoes。Ifthesamewayhadbeenpavedwithburningploughshares,itisnotatallimprobablethatJohnwouldhavetraverseditwiththesamedevotion,forthesamepurpose。

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