第111章
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  butIcannothelptellingyouwhatanaturesheshows,andthatyoucanneverthinktoowellofher。

  Ihavenotyetcalledherbyhernameinthisletter,butwearesuchfriendsnowthatIdosowhenwearequietlytogether,andshespeakstomebymyname——Imean,notmyChristianname,butthenameyougaveme。WhenshebegantocallmeAmy,Itoldhermyshortstory,andthatyouhadalwayscalledmeLittleDorrit。I

  toldherthatthenamewasmuchdearertomethananyother,andsoshecallsmeLittleDorrittoo。

  Perhapsyouhavenotheardfromherfatherormotheryet,andmaynotknowthatshehasababyson。Hewasbornonlytwodaysago,andjustaweekaftertheycame。Ithasmadethemveryhappy。

  However,Imusttellyou,asIamtotellyouall,thatIfancytheyareunderaconstraintwithMrGowan,andthattheyfeelasifhismockingwaywiththemwassometimesaslightgiventotheirloveforher。Itwasbutyesterday,whenIwasthere,thatIsawMrMeagleschangecolour,andgetupandgoout,asifhewasafraidthathemightsayso,unlesshepreventedhimselfbythatmeans。YetIamsuretheyarebothsoconsiderate,good-humoured,andreasonable,thathemightsparethem。Itishardinhimnottothinkofthemalittlemore。

  Istoppedatthelastfullstoptoreadallthisover。ItlookedatfirstasifIwastakingonmyselftounderstandandexplainsomuch,thatIwashalfinclinednottosendit。ButwhenIthoughtitoveralittle,IfeltmorehopefulforyourknowingatoncethatIhadonlybeenwatchfulforyou,andhadonlynoticedwhatIthinkIhavenoticed,becauseIwasquickenedbyyourinterestinit。

  Indeed,youmaybesurethatisthetruth。

  AndnowIhavedonewiththesubjectinthepresentletter,andhavelittlelefttosay。

  Weareallquitewell,andFannyimproveseveryday。Youcanhardlythinkhowkindsheistome,andwhatpainsshetakeswithme。Shehasalover,whohasfollowedher,firstallthewayfromSwitzerland,andthenallthewayfromVenice,andwhohasjustconfidedtomethathemeanstofollowhereverywhere。Iwasmuchconfusedbyhisspeakingtomeaboutit,buthewould。Ididnotknowwhattosay,butatlastItoldhimthatIthoughthehadbetternot。ForFannybutIdidnottellhimthisismuchtoospiritedandclevertosuithim。Still,hesaidhewould,allthesame。Ihavenolover,ofcourse。

  Ifyoushouldevergetsofarasthisinthislongletter,youwillperhapssay,SurelyLittleDorritwillnotleaveoffwithouttellingmesomethingabouthertravels,andsurelyitistimeshedid。Ithinkitisindeed,butIdon’tknowwhattotellyou。

  SinceweleftVenicewehavebeeninagreatmanywonderfulplaces,GenoaandFlorenceamongthem,andhaveseensomanywonderfulsights,thatIamalmostgiddywhenIthinkwhatacrowdtheymake。

  ButyoucantellmesomuchmoreaboutthemthanIcantellyou,thatwhyshouldItireyouwithmyaccountsanddescriptions?

  DearMrClennam,asIhadthecouragetotellyouwhatthefamiliardifficultiesinmytravellingmindwerebefore,Iwillnotbeacowardnow。Oneofmyfrequentthoughtsisthis:——Oldasthesecitiesare,theirageitselfishardlysocurious,tomyreflections,asthattheyshouldhavebeenintheirplacesallthroughthosedayswhenIdidnotevenknowoftheexistenceofmorethantwoorthreeofthem,andwhenIscarcelyknewofanythingoutsideouroldwalls。Thereissomethingmelancholyinit,andIdon’tknowwhy。WhenwewenttoseethefamousleaningtoweratPisa,itwasabrightsunnyday,anditandthebuildingsnearitlookedsoold,andtheearthandtheskylookedsoyoung,anditsshadowonthegroundwassosoftandretired!Icouldnotatfirstthinkhowbeautifulitwas,orhowcurious,butIthought,’Ohowmanytimeswhentheshadowofthewallwasfallingonourroom,andwhenthatwearytreadoffeetwasgoingupanddowntheyard——Ohowmanytimesthisplacewasjustasquietandlovelyasitisto-day!’Itquiteoverpoweredme。Myheartwassofullthattearsburstoutofmyeyes,thoughIdidwhatIcouldtorestrainthem。AndIhavethesamefeelingoften——often。

  Doyouknowthatsincethechangeinourfortunes,thoughIappeartomyselftohavedreamedmorethanbefore,Ihavealwaysdreamedofmyselfasveryyoungindeed!Iamnotveryold,youmaysay。

  No,butthatisnotwhatImean。Ihavealwaysdreamedofmyselfasachildlearningtodoneedlework。Ihaveoftendreamedofmyselfasbackthere,seeingfacesintheyardlittleknown,andwhichIshouldhavethoughtIhadquiteforgotten;but,asoftenasnot,Ihavebeenabroadhere——inSwitzerland,orFrance,orItaly——

  somewherewherewehavebeen——yetalwaysasthatlittlechild。I

  havedreamedofgoingdowntoMrsGeneral,withthepatchesonmyclothesinwhichIcanfirstremembermyself。IhaveoverandoveragaindreamedoftakingmyplaceatdinneratVenicewhenwehavehadalargecompany,inthemourningformypoormotherwhichI

  worewhenIwaseightyearsold,andworelongafteritwasthreadbareandwouldmendnomore。Ithasbeenagreatdistresstometothinkhowirreconcilablethecompanywouldconsideritwithmyfather’swealth,andhowIshoulddispleaseanddisgracehimandFannyandEdwardbysoplainlydisclosingwhattheywishedtokeepsecret。ButIhavenotgrownoutofthelittlechildinthinkingofit;andattheself-samemomentIhavedreamedthatIhavesatwiththeheart-acheattable,calculatingtheexpensesofthedinner,andquitedistractingmyselfwiththinkinghowtheywereevertobemadegood。Ihaveneverdreamedofthechangeinourfortunesitself;Ihaveneverdreamedofyourcomingbackwithmethatmemorablemorningtobreakit;Ihaveneverevendreamedofyou。

  DearMrClennam,itispossiblethatIhavethoughtofyou——andothers——somuchbyday,thatIhavenothoughtslefttowanderroundyoubynight。ForImustnowconfesstoyouthatIsufferfromhome-sickness——thatIlongsoardentlyandearnestlyforhome,assometimes,whennooneseesme,topineforit。Icannotbeartoturnmyfacefurtherawayfromit。Myheartisalittlelightenedwhenweturntowardsit,evenforafewmiles,andwiththeknowledgethatwearesoontoturnawayagain。SodearlydoI

  lovethesceneofmypovertyandyourkindness。Osodearly,Osodearly!

  HeavenknowswhenyourpoorchildwillseeEnglandagain。Weareallfondofthelifehereexceptme,andtherearenoplansforourreturn。MydearfathertalksofavisittoLondonlateinthisnextspring,onsomeaffairsconnectedwiththeproperty,butI

  havenohopethathewillbringmewithhim。

  IhavetriedtogetonalittlebetterunderMrsGeneral’sinstruction,andIhopeIamnotquitesodullasIusedtobe。I

  havebeguntospeakandunderstand,almosteasily,thehardlanguagesItoldyouabout。Ididnotremember,atthemomentwhenIwrotelast,thatyouknewthemboth;butIremembereditafterwards,andithelpedmeon。Godblessyou,dearMrClennam。

  DonotforgetyourevergratefulandaffectionateLITTLEDORRIT。

  P。S——ParticularlyrememberthatMinnieGowandeservesthebestremembranceinwhichyoucanholdher。Youcannotthinktoogenerouslyortoohighlyofher。IforgotMrPanckslasttime。

  Please,ifyoushouldseehim,givehimyourLittleDorrit’skindregard。HewasverygoodtoLittleD。

  InwhichaGreatPatrioticConferenceisholdenThefamousnameofMerdlebecame,everyday,morefamousintheland。NobodyknewthattheMerdleofsuchhighrenownhadeverdoneanygoodtoanyone,aliveordead,ortoanyearthlything;

  nobodyknewthathehadanycapacityorutteranceofanysortinhim,whichhadeverthrown,foranycreature,thefeeblestfarthing-candlerayoflightonanypathofdutyordiversion,painorpleasure,toilorrest,factorfancy,amongthemultiplicityofpathsinthelabyrinthtroddenbythesonsofAdam;nobodyhadthesmallestreasonforsupposingtheclayofwhichthisobjectofworshipwasmade,tobeotherthanthecommonestclay,withascloggedawicksmoulderinginsideofitaseverkeptanimageofhumanityfromtumblingtopieces。Allpeoplekneworthoughttheyknewthathehadmadehimselfimmenselyrich;and,forthatreasonalone,prostratedthemselvesbeforehim,moredegradedlyandlessexcusablythanthedarkestsavagecreepsoutofhisholeinthegroundtopropitiate,insomelogorreptile,theDeityofhisbenightedsoul。

  Nay,thehighpriestsofthisworshiphadthemanbeforethemasaprotestagainsttheirmeanness。Themultitudeworshippedontrust——thoughalwaysdistinctlyknowingwhy——buttheofficiatorsatthealtarhadthemanhabituallyintheirview。Theysatathisfeasts,andhesatattheirs。Therewasaspectrealwaysattendantonhim,sayingtothesehighpriests,’Aresuchthesignsyoutrust,andlovetohonour;thishead,theseeyes,thismodeofspeech,thetoneandmannerofthisman?YouaretheleversoftheCircumlocutionOffice,andtherulersofmen。Whenhalf-a-dozenofyoufalloutbytheears,itseemsthatmotherearthcangivebirthtonootherrulers。Doesyourqualificationlieinthesuperiorknowledgeofmenwhichaccepts,courts,andpuffsthisman?Or,ifyouarecompetenttojudgearightthesignsIneverfailtoshowyouwhenheappearsamongyou,isyoursuperiorhonestyyourqualification?’Tworatheruglyquestionsthese,alwaysgoingabouttownwithMrMerdle;andtherewasatacitagreementthattheymustbestifled。InMrsMerdle’sabsenceabroad,MrMerdlestillkeptthegreathouseopenforthepassagethroughitofastreamOfvisitors。Afewofthesetookaffablepossessionoftheestablishment。Threeorfourladiesofdistinctionandlivelinessusedtosaytooneanother,’LetusdineatourdearMerdle’snextThursday。Whomshallwehave?’OurdearMerdlewouldthenreceivehisinstructions;andwouldsitheavilyamongthecompanyattableandwanderlumpishlyabouthisdrawing-roomsafterwards,onlyremarkableforappearingtohavenothingtodowiththeentertainmentbeyondbeinginitsway。

  TheChiefButler,theAvengingSpiritofthisgreatman’slife,relaxednothingofhisseverity。Helookedonatthesedinnerswhenthebosomwasnotthere,ashelookedonatotherdinnerswhenthebosomwasthere;andhiseyewasabasilisktoMrMerdle。Hewasahardman,andwouldneverbateanounceofplateorabottleofwine。Hewouldnotallowadinnertobegiven,unlessitwasuptohismark。Hesetforththetableforhisowndignity。Iftheguestschosetopartakeofwhatwasserved,hesawnoobjection;

  butitwasservedforthemaintenanceofhisrank。Ashestoodbythesideboardheseemedtoannounce,’Ihaveacceptedofficetolookatthiswhichisnowbeforeme,andtolookatnothinglessthanthis。’Ifhemissedthepresidingbosom,itwasasapartofhisownstateofwhichhewas,fromunavoidablecircumstances,temporarilydeprived。justashemighthavemissedacentre-piece,orachoicewine-cooler,whichhadbeensenttotheBanker’s。

  MrMerdleissuedinvitationsforaBarnacledinner。LordDecimuswastobethere,MrTiteBarnaclewastobethere,thepleasantyoungBarnaclewastobethere;andtheChorusofParliamentaryBarnacleswhowentabouttheprovinceswhentheHousewasup,warblingthepraisesoftheirChief,weretoberepresentedthere。

  Itwasunderstoodtobeagreatoccasion。MrMerdlewasgoingtotakeuptheBarnacles。SomedelicatelittlenegotiationshadoccurredbetweenhimandthenobleDecimus——theyoungBarnacleofengagingmannersactingasnegotiator——andMrMerdlehaddecidedtocasttheweightofhisgreatprobityandgreatrichesintotheBarnaclescale。jobberywassuspectedbythemalicious;perhapsbecauseitwasindisputablethatiftheadherenceoftheimmortalEnemyofMankindcouldhavebeensecuredbyajob,theBarnacleswouldhavejobbedhim——forthegoodofthecountry,forthegoodofthecountry。

  MrsMerdlehadwrittentothismagnificentspouseofhers,whomitwasheresytoregardasanythinglessthanalltheBritishMerchantssincethedaysofWhittingtonrolledintoone,andgildedthreefeetdeepallover——hadwrittentothisspouseofhers,severallettersfromRome,inquicksuccession,urginguponhimwithimportunitythatnoworneverwasthetimetoprovideforEdmundSparkler。MrsMerdlehadshownhimthatthecaseofEdmundwasurgent,andthatinfiniteadvantagesmightresultfromhishavingsomegoodthingdirectly。InthegrammarofMrsMerdle’sverbsonthismomentoussubject,therewasonlyonemood,theImperative;andthatMoodhadonlyoneTense,thePresent。MrsMerdle’sverbsweresopressinglypresentedtoMrMerdletoconjugate,thathissluggishbloodandhislongcoat-cuffsbecamequiteagitated。

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