’It’saverydangerous，unsatisfactory，andexpensiveschooltothepeoplewhopaytokeepthepupilsthere，Iamafraid，’saidClennam，shakinghishead。
’Ah!Youareaterriblefellow，’returnedGowan，airily。’Icanunderstandhowyouhavefrightenedthatlittledonkey，Clarence，themostestimableofmoon-calvesIreallylovehimnearlyoutofhiswits。Butenoughofhim，andofalltherestofthem。Iwanttopresentyoutomymother，MrClennam。Praydomethefavourtogivemetheopportunity。’
Innobody’sstateofmind，therewasnothingClennamwouldhavedesiredless，orwouldhavebeenmoreatalosshowtoavoid。
’Mymotherlivesinamostprimitivemannerdowninthatdrearyred-brickdungeonatHamptonCourt，’saidGowan。’Ifyouwouldmakeyourownappointment，suggestyourowndayforpermittingmetotakeyoutheretodinner，youwouldbeboredandshewouldbecharmed。Reallythat’sthestateofthecase。’
WhatcouldClennamsayafterthis？Hisretiringcharacterincludedagreatdealthatwassimpleinthebestsense，becauseunpractisedandunused；andinhissimplicityandmodesty，hecouldonlysaythathewashappytoplacehimselfatMrGowan’sdisposal。
Accordinglyhesaidit，andthedaywasfixed。Andadreadeddayitwasonhispart，andaveryunwelcomedaywhenitcameandtheywentdowntoHamptonCourttogether。
Thevenerableinhabitantsofthatvenerablepileseemed，inthosetimes，tobeencampedtherelikeasortofcivilisedgipsies。
Therewasatemporaryairabouttheirestablishments，asiftheyweregoingawaythemomenttheycouldgetanythingbetter；therewasalsoadissatisfiedairaboutthemselves，asiftheytookitveryillthattheyhadnotalreadygotsomethingmuchbetter。
Genteelblindsandmakeshiftsweremoreorlessobservableassoonastheirdoorswereopened；screensnothalfhighenough，whichmadedining-roomsoutofarchedpassages，andwardedoffobscurecornerswherefootboyssleptatnightswiththeirheadsamongtheknivesandforks；curtainswhichcalleduponyoutobelievethattheydidn’thideanything；panesofglasswhichrequestedyounottoseethem；manyobjectsofvariousforms，feigningtohavenoconnectionwiththeirguiltysecret，abed；disguisedtrapsinwalls，whichwereclearlycoal-cellars；affectationsofnothoroughfares，whichwereevidentlydoorstolittlekitchens。
Mentalreservationsandartfulmysteriesgrewoutofthesethings。
Callerslookingsteadilyintotheeyesoftheirreceivers，pretendednottosmellcookingthreefeetoff；people，confrontingclosetsaccidentallyleftopen，pretendednottoseebottles；
visitorswiththeirheadsagainstapartitionofthincanvas，andapageandayoungfemaleathighwordsontheotherside，madebelievetobesittinginaprimevalsilence。Therewasnoendtothesmallsocialaccommodation-billsofthisnaturewhichthegipsiesofgentilitywereconstantlydrawingupon，andacceptingfor，oneanother。
SomeoftheseBohemianswereofanirritabletemperament，asconstantlysouredandvexedbytwomentaltrials：thefirst，theconsciousnessthattheyhadnevergotenoughoutofthepublic；thesecond，theconsciousnessthatthepublicwereadmittedintothebuilding。Underthelattergreatwrong，afewsuffereddreadfully——particularlyonSundays，whentheyhadforsometimeexpectedtheearthtoopenandswallowthepublicup；butwhichdesirableeventhadnotyetoccurred，inconsequenceofsomereprehensiblelaxityinthearrangementsoftheUniverse。
MrsGowan’sdoorwasattendedbyafamilyservantofseveralyears’
standing，whohadhisowncrowtopluckwiththepublicconcerningasituationinthePost-Officewhichhehadbeenforsometimeexpecting，andtowhichhewasnotyetappointed。Heperfectlyknewthatthepubliccouldneverhavegothimin，buthegrimlygratifiedhimselfwiththeideathatthepublickepthimout。
Undertheinfluenceofthisinjuryandperhapsofsomelittlestraitnessandirregularityinthematterofwages，hehadgrownneglectfulofhispersonandmoroseinmind；andnowbeholdinginClennamoneofthedegradedbodyofhisoppressors，receivedhimwithignominy。
MrsGowan，however，receivedhimwithcondescension。Hefoundheracourtlyoldlady，formerlyaBeauty，andstillsufficientlywell-
favouredtohavedispensedwiththepowderonhernoseandacertainimpossiblebloomundereacheye。Shewasalittleloftywithhim；sowasanotheroldlady，dark-browedandhigh-nosed，andwhomusthavehadsomethingrealaboutherorshecouldnothaveexisted，butitwascertainlynotherhairorherteethorherfigureorhercomplexion；sowasagreyoldgentlemanofdignifiedandsullenappearance；bothofwhomhadcometodinner。But，astheyhadallbeenintheBritishEmbassywayinsundrypartsoftheearth，andasaBritishEmbassycannotbetterestablishacharacterwiththeCircumlocutionOfficethanbytreatingitscompatriotswithillimitablecontemptelseitwouldbecomeliketheEmbassiesofothercountries，Clennamfeltthatonthewholetheylethimofflightly。
ThedignifiedoldgentlemanturnedouttobeLordLancasterStiltstalking，whohadbeenmaintainedbytheCircumlocutionOfficeformanyyearsasarepresentativeoftheBritannicMajestyabroad。
ThisnobleRefrigeratorhadicedseveralEuropeancourtsinhistime，andhaddoneitwithsuchcompletesuccessthattheverynameofEnglishmanyetstruckcoldtothestomachsofforeignerswhohadthedistinguishedhonourofrememberinghimatadistanceofaquarterofacentury。
Hewasnowinretirement，andhenceinaponderouswhitecravat，likeastiffsnow-driftwassoobligingastoshadethedinner。
TherewasawhisperofthepervadingBohemiancharacterinthenomadicnatureoftheserviceanditscuriousracesofplatesanddishes；butthenobleRefrigerator，infinitelybetterthanplateorporcelain，madeitsuperb。Heshadedthedinner，cooledthewines，chilledthegravy，andblightedthevegetables。
Therewasonlyoneotherpersonintheroom：amicroscopicallysmallfootboy，whowaitedonthemalevolentmanwhohadn’tgotintothePost-Office。Eventhisyouth，ifhisjacketcouldhavebeenunbuttonedandhisheartlaidbare，wouldhavebeenseen，asadistantadherentoftheBarnaclefamily，alreadytoaspiretoasituationunderGovernment。
MrsGowanwithagentlemelancholyuponher，occasionedbyherson’sbeingreducedtocourttheswinishpublicasafollowerofthelowArts，insteadofassertinghisbirthrightandputtingaringthroughitsnoseasanacknowledgedBarnacle，headedtheconversationatdinnerontheevildays。ItwasthenthatClennamlearnedforthefirsttimewhatlittlepivotsthisgreatworldgoesroundupon。
’IfJohnBarnacle，’saidMrsGowan，afterthedegeneracyofthetimeshadbeenfullyascertained，’ifJohnBarnaclehadbutabandonedhismostunfortunateideaofconciliatingthemob，allwouldhavebeenwell，andIthinkthecountrywouldhavebeenpreserved。’
Theoldladywiththehighnoseassented；butaddedthatifAugustusStiltstalkinghadinageneralwayorderedthecavalryoutwithinstructionstocharge，shethoughtthecountrywouldhavebeenpreserved。
ThenobleRefrigeratorassented；butaddedthatifWilliamBarnacleandTudorStiltstalking，whentheycameovertooneanotherandformedtheirever-memorablecoalition，hadboldlymuzzledthenewspapers，andrendereditpenalforanyEditor-persontopresumetodiscusstheconductofanyappointedauthorityabroadorathome，hethoughtthecountrywouldhavebeenpreserved。
ItwasagreedthatthecountryanotherwordfortheBarnaclesandStiltstalkingswantedpreserving，buthowitcametowantpreservingwasnotsoclear。ItwasonlyclearthatthequestionwasallaboutJohnBarnacle，AugustusStiltstalking，WilliamBarnacleandTudorStiltstalking，Tom，Dick，orHarryBarnacleorStiltstalking，becausetherewasnobodyelsebutmob。AndthiswasthefeatureoftheconversationwhichimpressedClennam，asamannotusedtoit，verydisagreeably：makinghimdoubtifitwerequiterighttositthere，silentlyhearingagreatnationnarrowedtosuchlittlebounds。Remembering，however，thatintheParliamentarydebates，whetheronthelifeofthatnation’sbodyorthelifeofitssoul，thequestionwasusuallyallaboutandbetweenJohnBarnacle，AugustusStiltstalking，WilliamBarnacleandTudorStiltstalking，Tom，Dick，orHarryBarnacleorStiltstalking，andnobodyelse；hesaidnothingonthepartofmob，bethinkinghimselfthatmobwasusedtoit。
MrHenryGowanseemedtohaveamaliciouspleasureinplayingoffthethreetalkersagainsteachother，andinseeingClennamstartledbywhattheysaid。Havingassupremeacontemptfortheclassthathadthrownhimoffasfortheclassthathadnottakenhimon，hehadnopersonaldisquietinanythingthatpassed。HishealthystateofmindappearedeventoderiveagratificationfromClennam’spositionofembarrassmentandisolationamongthegoodcompany；andifClennamhadbeeninthatconditionwithwhichNobodywasincessantlycontending，hewouldhavesuspectedit，andwouldhavestruggledwiththesuspicionasameanness，evenwhilehesatatthetable。
InthecourseofacoupleofhoursthenobleRefrigerator，atnotimelessthanahundredyearsbehindtheperiod，gotaboutfivecenturiesinarrears，anddeliveredsolemnpoliticaloraclesappropriatetothatepoch。Hefinishedbyfreezingacupofteaforhisowndrinking，andretiringathislowesttemperature。ThenMrsGowan，whohadbeenaccustomedinherdaysofavacantarm-
chairbesidehertowhichtosummonstatetoretainherdevotedslaves，onebyone，forshortaudiencesasmarksofherespecialfavour，invitedClennamwithaturnofherfantoapproachthepresence。Heobeyed，andtookthetripodrecentlyvacatedbyLordLancasterStiltstalking。
’MrClennam，’saidMrsGowan，’apartfromthehappinessIhaveinbecomingknowntoyou，thoughinthisodiouslyinconvenientplace——
amerebarrack——thereisasubjectonwhichIamdyingtospeaktoyou。Itisthesubjectinconnectionwithwhichmysonfirsthad，Ibelieve，thepleasureofcultivatingyouracquaintance。’
Clennaminclinedhishead，asagenerallysuitablereplytowhathedidnotyetquiteunderstand。
’First，’saidMrsGowan，’now，isshereallypretty？’
Innobody’sdifficulties，hewouldhavefounditverydifficulttoanswer；verydifficultindeedtosmile，andsay’Who？’