第47章
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  There,thetablewaslaidforhissupper,andhisoldgreygownwasreadyforhimonhischair-backatthefire。Hisdaughterputherlittleprayer-bookinherpocket——hadshebeenprayingforpityonallprisonersandcaptives!——androsetowelcomehim。

  Unclehadgonehome,then?sheasked@asshechangedhiscoatandgavehimhisblackvelvetcap。Yes,unclehadgonehome。Hadherfatherenjoyedhiswalk?Why,notmuch,Amy;notmuch。No!Didhenotfeelquitewell?

  Asshestoodbehindhim,leaningoverhischairsolovingly,helookedwithdowncasteyesatthefire。Anuneasinessstoleoverhimthatwaslikeatouchofshame;andwhenhespoke,ashepresentlydid,itwasinanunconnectedandembarrassedmanner。

  ’Something,I——hem!——Idon’tknowwhat,hasgonewrongwithChivery。Heisnot——ha!——notnearlysoobligingandattentiveasusualto-night。It——hem!——it’salittlething,butitputsmeout,mylove。It’simpossibletoforget,’turninghishandsoverandoverandlookingcloselyatthem,’that——hem!——thatinsuchalifeasmine,Iamunfortunatelydependentonthesemenforsomethingeveryhourintheday。’

  Herarmwasonhisshoulder,butshedidnotlookinhisfacewhilehespoke。Bendingherheadshelookedanotherway。

  ’I——hem!——Ican’tthink,Amy,whathasgivenChiveryoffence。Heisgenerallyso——soveryattentiveandrespectful。Andto-nighthewasquite——quiteshortwithme。Otherpeopletheretoo!Why,goodHeaven!ifIwastolosethesupportandrecognitionofChiveryandhisbrotherofficers,Imightstarvetodeathhere。’Whilehespoke,hewasopeningandshuttinghishandslikevalves;soconsciousallthetimeofthattouchofshame,thatheshrunkbeforehisownknowledgeofhismeaning。

  ’I——ha!——Ican’tthinkwhatit’sowingto。IamsureIcannotimaginewhatthecauseofitis。TherewasacertainJacksonhereonce,aturnkeyofthenameofJacksonIdon’tthinkyoucanrememberhim,mydear,youwereveryyoung,and——hem!——andhehada——brother,andthis——youngbrotherpaidhisaddressesto——atleast,didnotgosofarastopayhisaddressesto——butadmired——

  respectfullyadmired——the——notdaughter,thesister——ofoneofus;

  aratherdistinguishedCollegian;Imaysay,verymuchso。HisnamewasCaptainMartin;andheconsultedmeonthequestionwhetherItwasnecessarythathisdaughter——sister——shouldhazardoffendingtheturnkeybrotherbybeingtoo——ha!——tooplainwiththeotherbrother。CaptainMartinwasagentlemanandamanofhonour,andIputittohimfirsttogivemehis——hisownopinion。CaptainMartinhighlyrespectedinthearmythenunhesitatinglysaidthatitappearedtohimthathis——hem!——sisterwasnotcalledupontounderstandtheyoungmantoodistinctly,andthatshemightleadhimon——Iamdoubtfulwhether“leadhimon“wasCaptainMartin’sexactexpression:indeedIthinkhesaidtoleratehim——onherfather’s——Ishouldsay,brother’s——account。IhardlyknowhowI

  havestrayedintothisstory。IsupposeithasbeenthroughbeingunabletoaccountforChivery;butastotheconnectionbetweenthetwo,Idon’tsee——’

  Hisvoicediedaway,asifshecouldnotbearthepainofhearinghim,andherhandhadgraduallycrepttohislips。Foralittlewhiletherewasadeadsilenceandstillness;andheremainedshrunkinhischair,andsheremainedwithherarmroundhisneckandherheadboweddownuponhisshoulder。

  Hissupperwascookinginasaucepanonthefire,and,whenshemoved,itwastomakeitreadyforhimonthetable。Hetookhisusualseat,shetookhers,andhebeganhismeal。Theydidnot,asyet,lookatoneanother。Bylittleandlittlehebegan;layingdownhisknifeandforkwithanoise,takingthingsupsharply,bitingathisbreadasifhewereoffendedwithit,andinothersimilarwaysshowingthathewasoutofsorts。Atlengthhepushedhisplatefromhim,andspokealoud;withthestrangestinconsistency。

  ’WhatdoesitmatterwhetherIeatorstarve?Whatdoesitmatterwhethersuchablightedlifeasminecomestoanend,now,nextweek,ornextyear?WhatamIworthtoanyone?Apoorprisoner,fedonalmsandbrokenvictuals;asqualid,disgracedwretch!’

  ’Father,father!’Asheroseshewentonherkneestohim,andheldupherhandstohim。

  ’Amy,’hewentoninasuppressedvoice,tremblingviolently,andlookingatheraswildlyasifhehadgonemad。’Itellyou,ifyoucouldseemeasyourmothersawme,youwouldn’tbelieveittobethecreatureyouhaveonlylookedatthroughthebarsofthiscage。Iwasyoung,Iwasaccomplished,Iwasgood-looking,Iwasindependent——byGodIwas,child!——andpeoplesoughtmeout,andenviedme。Enviedme!’

  ’Dearfather!’Shetriedtotakedowntheshakingarmthatheflourishedintheair,butheresisted,andputherhandaway。

  ’IfIhadbutapictureofmyselfinthosedays,thoughitwaseversoilldone,youwouldbeproudofit,youwouldbeproudofit。

  ButIhavenosuchthing。Now,letmebeawarning!Letnoman,’

  hecried,lookinghaggardlyabout,’failtopreserveatleastthatlittleofthetimesofhisprosperityandrespect。Lethischildrenhavethatcluetowhathewas。Unlessmyface,whenIamdead,subsidesintothelongdepartedlook——theysaysuchthingshappen,Idon’tknow——mychildrenwillhaveneverseenme。’

  ’Father,father!’

  ’Odespiseme,despiseme!Lookawayfromme,don’tlistentome,stopme,blushforme,cryforme——evenyou,Amy!Doit,doit!

  Idoittomyself!Iamhardenednow,Ihavesunktoolowtocarelongevenforthat。’

  ’Dearfather,lovedfather,darlingofmyheart!’Shewasclingingtohimwithherarms,andshegothimtodropintohischairagain,andcaughtattheraisedarm,andtriedtoputitroundherneck。

  ’Letitliethere,father。Lookatme,father,kissme,father!

  Onlythinkofme,father,foronelittlemoment!’

  Stillhewentoninthesamewildway,thoughitwasgraduallybreakingdownintoamiserablewhining。

  ’AndyetIhavesomerespecthere。Ihavemadesomestandagainstit。Iamnotquitetroddendown。Gooutandaskwhoisthechiefpersonintheplace。They’lltellyouit’syourfather。Gooutandaskwhoisnevertrifledwith,andwhoisalwaystreatedwithsomedelicacy。They’llsay,yourfather。Gooutandaskwhatfuneralhereitmustbehere,Iknowitcanbenowhereelsewillmakemoretalk,andperhapsmoregrief,thananythathasevergoneoutatthegate。They’llsayyourfather’s。Wellthen。Amy!

  Amy!Isyourfathersouniversallydespised?Istherenothingtoredeemhim?Willyouhavenothingtorememberhimbybuthisruinanddecay?Willyoubeabletohavenoaffectionforhimwhenheisgone,poorcastaway,gone?’

  Heburstintotearsofmaudlinpityforhimself,andatlengthsufferinghertoembracehimandtakechargeofhim,lethisgreyheadrestagainsthercheek,andbewailedhiswretchedness。

  Presentlyhechangedthesubjectofhislamentations,andclaspinghishandsaboutherassheembracedhim,cried,OAmy,hismotherless,forlornchild!Othedaysthathehadseenhercarefulandlaboriousforhim!Thenherevertedtohimself,andweaklytoldherhowmuchbettershewouldhavelovedhimifshehadknownhiminhisvanishedcharacter,andhowhewouldhavemarriedhertoagentlemanwhoshouldhavebeenproudofherashisdaughter,andhowatwhichhecriedagainsheshouldfirsthaveriddenathisfatherlysideonherownhorse,andhowthecrowdbywhichhemeantineffectthepeoplewhohadgivenhimthetwelveshillingshethenhadinhispocketshouldhavetrudgedthedustyroadsrespectfully。

  Thus,nowboasting,nowdespairing,ineitherfitacaptivewiththejail-rotuponhim,andtheimpurityofhisprisonwornintothegrainofhissoul,herevealedhisdegeneratestatetohisaffectionatechild。Nooneelseeverbeheldhiminthedetailsofhishumiliation。LittlereckedtheCollegianswhowerelaughingintheirroomsoverhislateaddressintheLodge,whataseriouspicturetheyhadintheirobscuregalleryoftheMarshalseathatSundaynight。

  Therewasaclassicaldaughteronce——perhaps——whoministeredtoherfatherinhisprisonashermotherhadministeredtoher。LittleDorrit,thoughoftheunheroicmodernstockandmereEnglish,didmuchmore,incomfortingherfather’swastedheartuponherinnocentbreast,andturningtoitafountainofloveandfidelitythatneverrandryorwanedthroughallhisyearsoffamine。

  Shesoothedhim;askedhimforhisforgivenessifshehadbeen,orseemedtohavebeen,undutiful;toldhim,Heavenknowstruly,thatshecouldnothonourhimmoreifhewerethefavouriteofFortuneandthewholeworldacknowledgedhim。Whenhistearsweredried,andhesobbedinhisweaknessnolonger,andwasfreefromthattouchofshame,andhadrecoveredhisusualbearing,shepreparedtheremainsofhissupperafresh,and,sittingbyhisside,rejoicedtoseehimeatanddrink。Fornowhesatinhisblackvelvetcapandoldgreygown,magnanimousagain;andwouldhavecomportedhimselftowardsanyCollegianwhomighthavelookedintoaskhisadvice,likeagreatmoralLordChesterfield,orMasteroftheethicalceremoniesoftheMarshalsea。

  Tokeephisattentionengaged,shetalkedwithhimabouthiswardrobe;whenhewaspleasedtosay,thatYes,indeed,thoseshirtssheproposedwouldbeexceedinglyacceptable,forthosehehadwerewornout,and,beingready-made,hadneverfittedhim。

  Beingconversational,andinareasonableflowofspirits,hetheninvitedherattentiontohiscoatasithungbehindthedoor:

  remarkingthattheFatheroftheplacewouldsetanindifferentexampletohischildren,alreadydisposedtobeslovenly,ifhewentamongthemoutatelbows。Hewasjocular,too,astotheheelingofhisshoes;butbecamegraveonthesubjectofhiscravat,andpromisedherthat,whenshecouldaffordit,sheshouldbuyhimanewone。

  Whilehesmokedouthiscigarinpeace,shemadehisbed,andputthesmallroominorderforhisrepose。Beingwearythen,owingtotheadvancedhourandhisemotions,hecameoutofhischairtoblessherandwishherGoodnight。AllthistimehehadneveroncethoughtofHERdress,hershoes,herneedofanything。Nootherpersonuponearth,saveherself,couldhavebeensounmindfulofherwants。

  Hekissedhermanytimeswith’Blessyou,mylove。Goodnight,MY

  dear!’

  Buthergentlebreasthadbeensodeeplywoundedbywhatshehadseenofhimthatshewasunwillingtoleavehimalone,lestheshouldlamentanddespairagain。’Father,dear,Iamnottired;

  letmecomebackpresently,whenyouareinbed,andsitbyyou。’

  Heaskedher,withanairofprotection,ifshefeltsolitary?

  ’Yes,father。’

  ’Thencomebackbyallmeans,mylove。’

  ’Ishallbeveryquiet,father。’

  ’Don’tthinkofme,mydear,’hesaid,givingherhiskindpermissionfully。’Comebackbyallmeans。’

  Heseemedtobedozingwhenshereturned,andsheputthelowfiretogetherverysoftlylestsheshouldawakehim。Butheoverheardher,andcalledoutwhowasthat?

  ’OnlyAmy,father。’

  ’Amy,mychild,comehere。Iwanttosayawordtoyou。’Heraisedhimselfalittleinhislowbed,asshekneeledbesideittobringherfacenearhim;andputhishandbetweenhers。O!BoththeprivatefatherandtheFatheroftheMarshalseawerestrongwithinhimthen。

  ’Mylove,youhavehadalifeofhardshiphere。Nocompanions,norecreations,manycaresIamafraid?’

  ’Don’tthinkofthat,dear。Ineverdo。’

  ’Youknowmyposition,Amy。Ihavenotbeenabletodomuchforyou;butallIhavebeenabletodo,Ihavedone。’

  ’Yes,mydearfather,’sherejoined,kissinghim。’Iknow,I

  know。’

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