’Aye，aye？’saidMeagles。’ABarnacleishe？Weknowsomethingofthatfamily，eh，Dan？ByGeorge，theyareatthetopofthetree，though!Letmesee。WhatrelationwillthisyoungfellowbetoLordDecimusnow？HisLordshipmarried，inseventeenninety-seven，LadyJemimaBilberry，whowastheseconddaughterbythethirdmarriage——no!ThereIamwrong!ThatwasLadySeraphina——LadyJemimawasthefirstdaughterbythesecondmarriageofthefifteenthEarlofStiltstalkingwiththeHonourableClementinaToozellem。Verywell。Nowthisyoungfellow’sfathermarriedaStiltstalkingandhisfathermarriedhiscousinwhowasaBarnacle。
ThefatherofthatfatherwhomarriedaBarnacle，marriedaJoddleby——Iamgettingalittletoofarback，Gowan；IwanttomakeoutwhatrelationthisyoungfellowistoLordDecimus。’
’That’seasilystated。HisfatherisnephewtoLordDecimus。’
’Nephew——to——Lord——Decimus，’MrMeaglesluxuriouslyrepeatedwithhiseyesshut，thathemighthavenothingtodistracthimfromthefullflavourofthegenealogicaltree。’ByGeorge，youareright，Gowan。Soheis。’
’Consequently，LordDecimusishisgreatuncle。’
’Butstopabit!’saidMrMeagles，openinghiseyeswithafreshdiscovery。’Thenonthemother’sside，LadyStiltstalkingishisgreataunt。’
’Ofcoursesheis。’
’Aye，aye，aye？’saidMrMeagleswithmuchinterest。’Indeed，indeed？Weshallbegladtoseehim。We’llentertainhimaswellaswecan，inourhumbleway；andweshallnotstarvehim，Ihope，atallevents。’
Inthebeginningofthisdialogue，ClennamhadexpectedsomegreatharmlessoutburstfromMrMeagles，likethatwhichhadmadehimburstoutoftheCircumlocutionOffice，holdingDoycebythecollar。Buthisgoodfriendhadaweaknesswhichnoneofusneedgointothenextstreettofind，andwhichnoamountofCircumlocutionexperiencecouldlongsubdueinhim。ClennamlookedatDoyce；butDoyceknewallaboutitbeforehand，andlookedathisplate，andmadenosign，andsaidnoword。
’Iammuchobligedtoyou，’saidGowan，toconcludethesubject。
’Clarenceisagreatass，butheisoneofthedearestandbestfellowsthateverlived!’
Itappeared，beforethebreakfastwasover，thateverybodywhomthisGowanknewwaseithermoreorlessofanass，ormoreorlessofaknave；butwas，notwithstanding，themostlovable，themostengaging，thesimplest，truest，kindest，dearest，bestfellowthateverlived。Theprocessbywhichthisunvaryingresultwasattained，whateverthepremises，mighthavebeenstatedbyMrHenryGowanthus：’Iclaimtobealwaysbook-keeping，withapeculiarnicety，ineveryman’scase，andpostingupacarefullittleaccountofGoodandEvilwithhim。Idothissoconscientiously，thatIamhappytotellyouIfindthemostworthlessofmentobethedearestoldfellowtoo：andaminaconditiontomakethegratifyingreport，thatthereismuchlessdifferencethanyouareinclinedtosupposebetweenanhonestmanandascoundrel。’Theeffectofthischeeringdiscoveryhappenedtobe，thatwhileheseemedtobescrupulouslyfindinggoodinmostmen，hedidinrealityloweritwhereitwas，andsetitupwhereitwasnot；butthatwasitsonlydisagreeableordangerousfeature。
Itscarcelyseemed，however，toaffordMrMeaglesasmuchsatisfactionastheBarnaclegenealogyhaddone。ThecloudthatClennamhadneverseenuponhisfacebeforethatmorning，frequentlyovercastitagain；andtherewasthesameshadowofuneasyobservationofhimonthecomelyfaceofhiswife。MorethanonceortwicewhenPetcaressedthedog，itappearedtoClennamthatherfatherwasunhappyinseeingherdoit；and，inoneparticularinstancewhenGowanstoodontheothersideofthedog，andbenthisheadatthesametime，ArthurfanciedthathesawtearsrisetoMrMeagles’seyesashehurriedoutoftheroom。Itwaseitherthefacttoo，orhefanciedfurther，thatPetherselfwasnotinsensibletotheselittleincidents；thatshetried，withamoredelicateaffectionthanusual，toexpresstohergoodfatherhowmuchshelovedhim；thatitwasonthisaccountthatshefellbehindtherest，bothastheywenttochurchandastheyreturnedfromit，andtookhisarm。Hecouldnothaveswornbutthatashewalkedaloneinthegardenafterwards，hehadaninstantaneousglimpseofherinherfather’sroom，clingingtobothherparentswiththegreatesttenderness，andweepingonherfather’sshoulder。
Thelatterpartofthedayturningoutwet，theywerefaintokeepthehouse，lookoverMrMeagles’scollection，andbeguilethetimewithconversation。ThisGowanhadplentytosayforhimself，andsaiditinanoff-handandamusingmanner。Heappearedtobeanartistbyprofession，andtohavebeenatRomesometime；yethehadaslight，careless，amateurwaywithhim——aperceptiblelimp，bothinhisdevotiontoartandhisattainments——whichClennamcouldscarcelyunderstand。
HeappliedtoDanielDoyceforhelp，astheystoodtogether，lookingoutofwindow。
’YouknowMrGowan？’hesaidinalowvoice。
’Ihaveseenhimhere。ComeshereeverySundaywhentheyareathome。’
’Anartist，Iinferfromwhathesays？’
’Asortofaone，’saidDanielDoyce，inasurlytone。
’Whatsortofaone？’askedClennam，withasmile。
’Why，hehassaunteredintotheArtsataleisurelyPall-Mallpace，’saidDoyce，’andIdoubtiftheycaretobetakenquitesocoolly。’
Pursuinghisinquiries，ClennamfoundthattheGowanfamilywereaverydistantramificationoftheBarnacles；andthatthepaternalGowan，originallyattachedtoalegationabroad，hadbeenpensionedoffasaCommissionerofnothingparticularsomewhereorother，andhaddiedathispostwithhisdrawnsalaryinhishand，noblydefendingittothelastextremity。Inconsiderationofthiseminentpublicservice，theBarnacletheninpowerhadrecommendedtheCrowntobestowapensionoftwoorthreehundreda-yearonhiswidow；towhichthenextBarnacleinpowerhadaddedcertainshadyandsedateapartmentsinthePalacesatHamptonCourt，wheretheoldladystilllived，deploringthedegeneracyofthetimesincompanywithseveralotheroldladiesofbothsexes。Herson，MrHenryGowan，inheritingfromhisfather，theCommissioner，thatveryquestionablehelpinlife，averysmallindependence，hadbeendifficulttosettle；therather，aspublicappointmentschancedtobescarce，andhisgenius，duringhisearliermanhood，wasofthatexclusivelyagriculturalcharacterwhichappliesitselftothecultivationofwildoats。AtlasthehaddeclaredthathewouldbecomeaPainter；partlybecausehehadalwayshadanidleknackthatway，andpartlytogrievethesoulsoftheBarnacles-in-chiefwhohadnotprovidedforhim。Soithadcometopasssuccessively，first，thatseveraldistinguishedladieshadbeenfrightfullyshocked；then，thatportfoliosofhisperformanceshadbeenhandedabouto’nights，anddeclaredwithecstasytobeperfectClaudes，perfectCuyps，perfectphaenomena；then，thatLordDecimushadboughthispicture，andhadaskedthePresidentandCounciltodinneratablow，andhadsaid，withhisownmagnificentgravity，’Doyouknow，thereappearstometobereallyimmensemeritinthatwork？’and，inshort，thatpeopleofconditionhadabsolutelytakenpainstobringhimintofashion。But，somehow，ithadallfailed。Theprejudicedpublichadstoodoutagainstitobstinately。TheyhaddeterminednottoadmireLordDecimus’spicture。Theyhaddeterminedtobelievethatineveryservice，excepttheirown，amanmustqualifyhimself，bystrivingearlyandlate，andbyworkingheartandsoul，mightandmain。SonowMrGowan，likethatworn-outoldcoffinwhichneverwasMahomet’snoranybodyelse’s，hungmidwaybetweentwopoints：jaundicedandjealousastotheonehehadleft：jaundicedandjealousastotheotherthathecouldn’treach。
SuchwasthesubstanceofClennam’sdiscoveriesconcerninghim，madethatrainySundayafternoonandafterwards。
Aboutanhourorsoafterdinnertime，YoungBarnacleappeared，attendedbyhiseye-glass；inhonourofwhosefamilyconnections，MrMeagleshadcashieredtheprettyparlour-maidsfortheday，andhadplacedondutyintheirsteadtwodingymen。YoungBarnaclewasinthelastdegreeamazedanddisconcertedatsightofArthur，andhadmurmuredinvoluntarily，’Lookhere!uponmysoul，youknow!’beforehispresenceofmindreturned。
Eventhen，hewasobligedtoembracetheearliestopportunityoftakinghisfriendintoawindow，andsaying，inanasalwaythatwasapartofhisgeneraldebility：
’Iwanttospeaktoyou，Gowan。Isay。Lookhere。Whoisthatfellow？’
’Afriendofourhost’s。Noneofmine。’
’He’samostferociousRadical，youknow，’saidYoungBarnacle。
’Ishe？Howdoyouknow？’
’Ecod，sir，hewasPitchingintoourpeopletheotherdayinthemosttremendousmanner。WentuptoourplaceandPitchedintomyfathertothatextentthatitwasnecessarytoorderhimout。CamebacktoourDepartment，andPitchedintome。Lookhere。Youneversawsuchafellow。’
’Whatdidhewant？’
’Ecod，sir，’returnedYoungBarnacle，’hesaidhewantedtoknow，youknow!PervadedourDepartment——withoutanappointment——andsaidhewantedtoknow!’
ThestareofindignantwonderwithwhichYoungBarnacleaccompaniedthisdisclosure，wouldhavestrainedhiseyesinjuriouslybutfortheopportunereliefofdinner。MrMeagleswhohadbeenextremelysolicitoustoknowhowhisuncleandauntwerebeggedhimtoconductMrsMeaglestothedining-room。AndwhenhesatonMrsMeagles’srighthand，MrMeagleslookedasgratifiedasifhiswholefamilywerethere。
Allthenaturalcharmofthepreviousdaywasgone。Theeatersofthedinner，likethedinneritself，werelukewarm，insipid，overdone——andallowingtothispoorlittledullYoungBarnacle。
Conversationlessatanytime，hewasnowthevictimofaweaknessspecialtotheoccasion，andsolelyreferabletoClennam。Hewasunderapressingandcontinualnecessityoflookingatthatgentleman，whichoccasionedhiseye-glasstogetintohissoup，intohiswine-glass，intoMrsMeagles’splate，tohangdownhisbacklikeabell-rope，andbeseveraltimesdisgracefullyrestoredtohisbosombyoneofthedingymen。Weakenedinmindbyhisfrequentlossesofthisinstrument，anditsdeterminationnottostickinhiseye，andmoreandmoreenfeebledinintellecteverytimehelookedatthemysteriousClennam，heappliedspoonstohiseyes，forks，andotherforeignmattersconnectedwiththefurnitureofthedinner-table。Hisdiscoveryofthesemistakesgreatlyincreasedhisdifficulties，butneverreleasedhimfromthenecessityoflookingatClennam。AndwheneverClennamspoke，thisill-starredyoungmanwasclearlyseizedwithadreadthathewascoming，bysomeartfuldevice，roundtothatpointofwantingtoknow，youknow。
Itmaybequestioned，therefore，whetheranyonebutMrMeagleshadmuchenjoymentofthetime。MrMeagles，however，thoroughlyenjoyedYoungBarnacle。Asamereflaskofthegoldenwaterinthetalebecameafullfountainwhenitwaspouredout，soMrMeaglesseemedtofeelthatthissmallspiceofBarnacleimpartedtohistabletheflavourofthewholefamily-tree。Initspresence，hisfrank，fine，genuinequalitiespaled；hewasnotsoeasy，hewasnotsonatural，hewasstrivingaftersomethingthatdidnotbelongtohim，hewasnothimself。WhatastrangepeculiarityonthepartofMrMeagles，andwhereshouldwefindanothersuchcase!
AtlastthewetSundayworeitselfoutinawetnight；andYoungBarnaclewenthomeinacab，feeblysmoking；andtheobjectionableGowanwentawayonfoot，accompaniedbytheobjectionabledog。PethadtakenthemostamiablepainsalldaytobefriendlywithClennam，butClennamhadbeenalittlereservedsincebreakfast——
thatistosay，wouldhavebeen，ifhehadlovedher。
Whenhehadgonetohisownroom，andhadagainthrownhimselfintothechairbythefire，MrDoyceknockedatthedoor，candleinhand，toaskhimhowandatwhathourheproposedreturningonthemorrow？Aftersettlingthisquestion，hesaidawordtoMrDoyceaboutthisGowan——whowouldhaveruninhisheadagooddeal，ifhehadbeenhisrival。
’Thosearenotgoodprospectsforapainter，’saidClennam。
’No，’returnedDoyce。
MrDoycestood，chamber-candlestickinhand，theotherhandinhispocket，lookinghardattheflameofhiscandle，withacertainquietperceptioninhisfacethattheyweregoingtosaysomethingmore。
’Ithoughtourgoodfriendalittlechanged，andoutofspirits，afterhecamethismorning？’saidClennam。
’Yes，’returnedDoyce。
’Butnothisdaughter？’saidClennam。
’No，’saidDoyce。
Therewasapauseonbothsides。MrDoyce，stilllookingattheflameofhiscandle，slowlyresumed：