’WhenthebusinessisregularlybeforethatDepartment，whateveritis，’pursuedthisbrightyoungBarnacle，’thenyoucanwatchitfromtimetotimethroughthatDepartment。WhenitcomesregularlybeforethisDepartment，thenyoumustwatchitfromtimetotimethroughthisDepartment。Weshallhavetoreferitrightandleft；
andwhenwereferitanywhere，thenyou’llhavetolookitup。
Whenitcomesbacktousatanytime，thenyouhadbetterlookUS
up。Whenitsticksanywhere，you’llhavetotrytogiveitajog。
WhenyouwritetoanotherDepartmentaboutit，andthentothisDepartmentaboutit，anddon’thearanythingsatisfactoryaboutit，whythenyouhadbetter——keeponwriting。’
ArthurClennamlookedverydoubtfulindeed。’ButIamobligedtoyouatanyrate，’saidhe，’foryourpoliteness。’
’Notatall，’repliedthisengagingyoungBarnacle。’Trythething，andseehowyoulikeit。Itwillbeinyourpowertogiveitupatanytime，ifyoudon’tlikeit。Youhadbettertakealotofformsawaywithyou。Givehimalotofforms!’Withwhichinstructiontonumbertwo，thissparklingyoungBarnacletookafreshhandfulofpapersfromnumbersoneandthree，andcarriedthemintothesanctuarytooffertothepresidingIdoloftheCircumlocutionOffice。
ArthurClennamputhisformsinhispocketgloomilyenough，andwenthiswaydownthelongstonepassageandthelongstonestaircase。Hehadcometotheswingdoorsleadingintothestreet，andwaswaiting，notoverpatiently，fortwopeoplewhowerebetweenhimandthemtopassoutandlethimfollow，whenthevoiceofoneofthemstruckfamiliarlyonhisear。HelookedatthespeakerandrecognisedMrMeagles。MrMeagleswasveryredintheface——redderthantravelcouldhavemadehim——andcollaringashortmanwhowaswithhim，said，’comeout，yourascal，comeOut!’
itwassuchanunexpectedhearing，anditwasalsosuchanunexpectedsighttoseeMrMeaglesbursttheswingdoorsopen，andemergeintothestreetwiththeshortman，whowasofanunoffendingappearance，thatClennamstoodstillforthemomentexchanginglooksofsurprisewiththeporter。Hefollowed，however，quickly；andsawMrMeaglesgoingdownthestreetwithhisenemyathisside。Hesooncameupwithhisoldtravellingcompanion，andtouchedhimontheback。ThecholericfacewhichMrMeaglesturneduponhimsmoothedwhenhesawwhoitwas，andheputouthisfriendlyhand。
’Howareyou？’saidMrMeagles。’Howd’yedo？Ihaveonlyjustcomeoverfromabroad。Iamgladtoseeyou。’
’AndIamrejoicedtoseeyou。’
’Thank’ee。Thank’ee!’
’MrsMeaglesandyourdaughter——？’
’Areaswellaspossible，’saidMrMeagles。’Ionlywishyouhadcomeuponmeinamoreprepossessingconditionastocoolness。’
Thoughitwasanythingbutahotday，MrMeagleswasinaheatedstatethatattractedtheattentionofthepassersby；moreparticularlyasheleanedhisbackagainstarailing，tookoffhishatandcravat，andheartilyrubbedhissteamingheadandface，andhisreddenedearsandneck，withouttheleastregardforpublicopinion。
’Whew!’saidMrMeagles，dressingagain。’That’scomfortable。NowIamcooler。’
’Youhavebeenruffled，MrMeagles。Whatisthematter？’
’Waitabit，andI’lltellyou。HaveyouleisureforaturninthePark？’
’Asmuchasyouplease。’
’Comealongthen。Ah!youmaywelllookathim。’HehappenedtohaveturnedhiseyestowardstheoffenderwhomMrMeagleshadsoangrilycollared。’He’ssomethingtolookat，thatfellowis。’
Hewasnotmuchtolookat，eitherinpointofsizeorinpointofdress；beingmerelyashort，square，practicallookingman，whosehairhadturnedgrey，andinwhosefaceandforeheadthereweredeeplinesofcogitation，whichlookedasthoughtheywerecarvedinhardwood。Hewasdressedindecentblack，alittlerusty，andhadtheappearanceofasagaciousmasterinsomehandicraft。Hehadaspectacle-caseinhishand，whichheturnedoverandoverwhilehewasthusinquestion，withacertainfreeuseofthethumbthatisneverseenbutinahandaccustomedtotools。
’Youkeepwithus，’saidMrMeagles，inathreateningkindofWay，’andI’llintroduceyoupresently。Nowthen!’
Clennamwonderedwithinhimself，astheytookthenearestwaytothePark，whatthisunknownwhocompliedinthegentlestmanner
couldhavebeendoing。HisappearancedidnotatalljustifythesuspicionthathehadbeendetectedindesignsonMrMeagles’spocket-handkerchief；norhadheanyappearanceofbeingquarrelsomeorviolent。Hewasaquiet，plain，steadyman；madenoattempttoescape；andseemedalittledepressed，butneitherashamednorrepentant。Ifhewereacriminaloffender，hemustsurelybeanincorrigiblehypocrite；andifhewerenooffender，whyshouldMrMeagleshavecollaredhimintheCircumlocutionOffice？Heperceivedthatthemanwasnotadifficultyinhisownmindalone，butinMrMeagles’stoo；forsuchconversationastheyhadtogetherontheshortwaytotheParkwasbynomeanswellsustained，andMrMeagles’seyealwayswanderedbacktotheman，evenwhenhespokeofsomethingverydifferent。
Atlengththeybeingamongthetrees，MrMeaglesstoppedshort，andsaid：
’MrClennam，willyoudomethefavourtolookatthisman？HisnameisDoyce，DanielDoyce。Youwouldn’tsupposethismantobeanotoriousrascal；wouldyou？’
’Icertainlyshouldnot。’Itwasreallyadisconcertingquestion，withthemanthere。
’No。Youwouldnot。Iknowyouwouldnot。Youwouldn’tsupposehimtobeapublicoffender；wouldyou？’
’No。’
’No。Butheis。Heisapublicoffender。Whathashebeenguiltyof？Murder，manslaughter，arson，forgery，swindling，house-
breaking，highwayrobbery，larceny，conspiracy，fraud？Whichshouldyousay，now？’
’Ishouldsay，’returnedArthurClennam，observingafaintsmileinDanielDoyce’sface，’notoneofthem。’
’Youareright，’saidMrMeagles。’Buthehasbeeningenious，andhehasbeentryingtoturnhisingenuitytohiscountry’sservice。
Thatmakeshimapublicoffenderdirectly，sir。’
Arthurlookedatthemanhimself，whoonlyshookhishead。
’ThisDoyce，’saidMrMeagles，’isasmithandengineer。Heisnotinalargeway，butheiswellknownasaveryingeniousman。A
dozenyearsago，heperfectsaninventioninvolvingaverycurioussecretprocessofgreatimportancetohiscountryandhisfellow-
creatures。Iwon’tsayhowmuchmoneyitcosthim，orhowmanyyearsofhislifehehadbeenaboutit，buthebroughtittoperfectionadozenyearsago。Wasn’titadozen？’saidMrMeagles，addressingDoyce。’Heisthemostexasperatingmanintheworld；
henevercomplains!’
’Yes。Ratherbetterthantwelveyearsago。’
’Ratherbetter？’saidMrMeagles，’youmeanratherworse。Well，MrClennam，headdresseshimselftotheGovernment。ThemomentheaddresseshimselftotheGovernment，hebecomesapublicoffender!
Sir，’saidMrMeagles，indangerofmakinghimselfexcessivelyhotagain，’heceasestobeaninnocentcitizen，andbecomesaculprit。
Heistreatedfromthatinstantasamanwhohasdonesomeinfernalaction。Heisamantobeshirked，putoff，brow-beaten，sneeredat，handedoverbythishighly-connectedyoungoroldgentleman，tothathighly-connectedyoungoroldgentleman，anddodgedbackagain；heisamanwithnorightsinhisowntime，orhisownproperty；amereoutlaw，whomitisjustifiabletogetridofanyhow；amantobewornoutbyallpossiblemeans。’
Itwasnotsodifficulttobelieve，afterthemorning’sexperience，asMrMeaglessupposed。
’Don’tstandthere，Doyce，turningyourspectacle-caseoverandover，’criedMrMeagles，’buttellMrClennamwhatyouconfessedtome。’
’Iundoubtedlywasmadetofeel，’saidtheinventor，’asifIhadcommittedanoffence。Indancingattendanceatthevariousoffices，Iwasalwaystreated，moreorless，asifitwasaverybadoffence。Ihavefrequentlyfounditnecessarytoreflect，formyownself-support，thatIreallyhadnotdoneanythingtobringmyselfintotheNewgateCalendar，butonlywantedtoeffectagreatsavingandagreatimprovement。’
’There!’saidMrMeagles。’JudgewhetherIexaggerate。Nowyou’llbeabletobelievemewhenItellyoutherestofthecase。’
Withthisprelude，MrMeagleswentthroughthenarrative；theestablishednarrative，whichhasbecometiresome；thematter-of-
coursenarrativewhichweallknowbyheart。How，afterinterminableattendanceandcorrespondence，afterinfiniteimpertinences，ignorances，andinsults，mylordsmadeaMinute，numberthreethousandfourhundredandseventy-two，allowingtheculprittomakecertaintrialsofhisinventionathisownexpense。
Howthetrialsweremadeinthepresenceofaboardofsix，ofwhomtwoancientmembersweretooblindtoseeit，twootherancientmembersweretoodeaftohearit，oneotherancientmemberwastoolametogetnearit，andthefinalancientmemberwastoopig-
headedtolookatit。Howthereweremoreyears；moreimpertinences，ignorances，andinsults。HowmylordsthenmadeaMinute，numberfivethousandonehundredandthree，wherebytheyresignedthebusinesstotheCircumlocutionOffice。HowtheCircumlocutionOffice，incourseoftime，tookupthebusinessasifitwereabrannewthingofyesterday，whichhadneverbeenheardofbefore；muddledthebusiness，addledthebusiness，tossedthebusinessinawetblanket。Howtheimpertinences，ignorances，andinsultswentthroughthemultiplicationtable。HowtherewasareferenceoftheinventiontothreeBarnaclesandaStiltstalking，whoknewnothingaboutit；intowhoseheadsnothingcouldbehammeredaboutit；whogotboredaboutit，andreportedphysicalimpossibilitiesaboutit。HowtheCircumlocutionOffice，inaMinute，numbereightthousandsevenhundredandforty，’sawnoreasontoreversethedecisionatwhichmylordshadarrived。’HowtheCircumlocutionOffice，beingremindedthatmylordshadarrivedatnodecision，shelvedthebusiness。HowtherehadbeenafinalinterviewwiththeheadoftheCircumlocutionOfficethatverymorning，andhowtheBrazenHeadhadspoken，andhadbeen，uponthewhole，andunderallthecircumstances，andlookingatitfromthevariouspointsofview，ofopinionthatoneoftwocourseswastobepursuedinrespectofthebusiness：thatwastosay，eithertoleaveitaloneforevermore，ortobeginitalloveragain。
’Uponwhich，’saidMrMeagles，’asapracticalman，Ithenandthere，inthatpresence，tookDoycebythecollar，andtoldhimitwasplaintomethathewasaninfamousrascalandtreasonabledisturberofthegovernmentpeace，andtookhimaway。Ibroughthimoutoftheofficedoorbythecollar，thattheveryportermightknowIwasapracticalmanwhoappreciatedtheofficialestimateofsuchcharacters；andhereweare!’
IfthatairyyoungBarnaclehadbeenthere，hewouldhavefranklytoldthemperhapsthattheCircumlocutionOfficehadachieveditsfunction。ThatwhattheBarnacleshadtodo，wastostickontothenationalshipaslongastheycould。Thattotrimtheship，lightentheship，cleantheship，wouldbetoknockthemoff；thattheycouldbutbeknockedoffonce；andthatiftheshipwentdownwiththemyetstickingtoit，thatwastheship’slookout，andnottheirs。