第71章
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  grandfatheronthemalesidewasasilkmercer,inCheapside,who,whenhedied,lefthisson,whowashisonlychild,afortuneofonehundredthousandpoundsandasplendidbusiness;theson,however,hadnoinclinationfortrade,thesummitofhisambitionwastobeacountrygentleman,tofoundafamily,andtopasstheremainderofhisdaysinruraleaseanddignity,andallthishemanagedtoaccomplish;hedisposedofhisbusiness,purchasedabeautifulandextensiveestateforfourscorethousandpounds,builtuponitthemansiontowhichIhadthehonourofwelcomingyouto-

  day,marriedthedaughterofaneighbouringsquire,whobroughthimafortuneoffivethousandpounds,becameamagistrate,andonlywantedasonandheirtomakehimcompletelyhappy;thisblessing,itistrue,wasforalongtimedeniedhim;itcame,however,atlast,asisusual,whenleastexpected。Hisladywasbroughttobedofmyfather,andthenwhosohappyamanasmygrandsire;hegaveawaytwothousandpoundsincharities,andinthejoyofhisheartmadeaspeechatthenextquartersessions;therestofhislifewasspentinease,tranquillity,andruraldignity;hediedofapoplexyonthedaythatmyfathercameofage;perhapsitwouldbedifficulttomentionamanwhoinallrespectswassofortunateasmygrandfather:hisdeathwassuddenitistrue,butIamnotoneofthosewhopraytobedeliveredfromasuddendeath。

  ’Ishouldnotcallmyfatherafortunateman;itistruethathehadtheadvantageofafirst-rateeducation;thathemadethegrandtourwithaprivatetutor,aswasthefashionatthattime;thathecametoasplendidfortuneontheverydaythathecameofage;

  thatformanyyearshetastedallthediversionsofthecapitalthat,atlastdeterminedtosettle,hemarriedthesisterofabaronet,anamiableandaccomplishedlady,withalargefortune;

  thathehadthebeststudofhuntersinthecounty,onwhich,duringtheseason,hefollowedthefoxgallantly;hadhebeenafortunatemanhewouldneverhavecursedhisfate,ashewasfrequentlyknowntodo;tenmonthsafterhismarriagehishorsefelluponhim,andsoinjuredhim,thatheexpiredinafewdaysingreatagony。Mygrandfatherwas,indeed,afortunateman;whenhediedhewasfollowedtothegravebythetearsofthepoor-myfatherwasnot。

  ’Tworemarkablecircumstancesareconnectedwithmybirth-Iamaposthumouschild,andcameintotheworldsomeweeksbeforetheusualtime,theshockwhichmymotherexperiencedatmyfather’sdeathhavingbroughtonthepangsofprematurelabour;bothmymother’slifeandmyownwereatfirstdespairedof;weboth,however,survivedthecrisis。Mymotherlovedmewiththemostpassionatefondness,andIwasbroughtupinthishouseunderherowneye-Iwasneversenttoschool。

  ’Ihavealreadytoldyouthatmineisnotataleofadventure;mylifehasnotbeenoneofaction,butofwildimaginingsandstrangesensations;Iwasbornwithexcessivesensibility,andthathasbeenmybane。Ihavenotbeenafortunateman。

  ’Nooneisfortunateunlessheishappy,anditisimpossibleforabeingconstructedlikemyselftobehappyforanhour,orevenenjoypeaceandtranquillity;mostofourpleasuresandpainsaretheeffectsofimagination,andwhereverthesensibilityisgreat,theimaginationisgreatalso。Nosoonerhasmyimaginationraisedupanimageofpleasure,thanitissuretoconjureuponeofdistressandgloom;thesetwoantagonistideasinstantlycommenceastruggleinmymind,andthegloomyonegenerally,Imaysayinvariably,prevails。HowisitpossiblethatIshouldbeahappyman?

  ’IthasinvariablybeensowithmefromtheearliestperiodthatI

  canremember;thefirstplaythingsthatweregivenmecausedmeforafewminutesexcessivepleasure:theywereprettyandglittering;

  presently,however,Ibecameanxiousandperplexed,Iwishedtoknowtheirhistory,howtheyweremade,andwhatof-werethematerialsprecious?Iwasnotsatisfiedwiththeiroutwardappearance。InlessthananhourIhadbrokentheplaythingsinanattempttodiscoverwhattheyweremadeof。

  ’WhenIwaseightyearsofagemyunclethebaronet,whowasalsomygodfather,sentmeapairofNorwayhawks,withdirectionsformanagingthem;hewasagreatfowler。Oh,howrejoicedwasIwiththepresentwhichhadbeenmademe,myjoylastedforatleastfiveminutes;Iwouldletthembreed,Iwouldhaveahouseofhawks;

  yes,thatIwould-but-andherecametheunpleasantidea-

  supposetheyweretoflyaway,howveryannoying!Ah,but,saidhope,there’slittlefearofthat;feedthemwellandtheywillneverflyaway,oriftheydotheywillcomeback,myunclesaysso;sosunshinetriumphedforalittletime。Thenthestrangestofalldoubtscameintomyhead;Idoubtedthelegalityofmytenureofthesehawks;howdidIcomebythem?why,myunclegavethemtome,buthowdidtheycomeintohispossession?whatrighthadhetothem?afterall,theymightnotbehistogive。Ipassedasleeplessnight。ThenextmorningIfoundthatthemanwhobroughtthehawkshadnotdeparted。“Howcamemyunclebythesehawks?“I

  anxiouslyinquired。“TheyweresenttohimfromNorway,master,withanotherpair。““Andwhosentthem?““ThatIdon’tknow,master,butIsupposehishonourcantellyou。“Iwaseventhinkingofscrawlingalettertomyuncletomakeinquiryonthispoint,butshamerestrainedme,andIlikewisereflectedthatitwouldbeimpossibleforhimtogivemymindentiresatisfaction;itistruehecouldtellwhosenthimthehawks,buthowwashetoknowhowthehawkscameintothepossessionofthosewhosentthemtohim,andbywhatrighttheypossessedthemortheparentsofthehawks?Inaword,Iwantedaclearvalidtitle,aslawyerswouldsay,tomyhawks,andIbelievenotitlewouldhavesatisfiedmethatdidnotextenduptothetimeofthefirsthawk,thatis,priortoAdam;and,couldIhaveobtainedsuchatitle,Imakenodoubtthat,youngasIwas,Ishouldhavesuspectedthatitwasfullofflaws。

  ’Iwasnowdisgustedwiththehawks,andnowonder,seeingallthedisquietudetheyhadcausedme;Isoontotallyneglectedthepoorbirds,andtheywouldhavestarvedhadnotsomeoftheservantstakencompassionuponthemandfedthem。Myuncle,soonhearingofmyneglect,wasangry,andtookthebirdsaway;hewasaverygood-

  naturedman,however,andsoonsentmeafinepony;atfirstIwascharmedwiththepony,soon,however,thesamekindofthoughtsarosewhichhaddisgustedmeonaformeroccasion。Howdidmyunclebecomepossessedofthepony?ThisquestionIaskedhimthefirsttimeIsawhim。Oh,hehadboughtitofagypsy,thatI

  mightlearntorideuponit。Agypsy;Ihadheardthatgypsiesweregreatthieves,andIinstantlybegantofearthatthegypsyhadstolenthepony,anditisprobablethatforthisapprehensionIhadbettergroundsthanformanyothers。Iinstantlyceasedtosetanyvalueuponthepony,butforthatreason,perhaps,Iturnedittosomeaccount;Imounteditandrodeitabout,whichIdon’tthinkIshouldhavedonehadIlookeduponitasasecurepossession。HadIlookeduponmytitleassecure,Ishouldhaveprizeditsomuch,thatIshouldscarcelyhavemounteditforfearofinjuringtheanimal;butnow,caringnotastrawforit,Irodeitmostunmercifully,andsoonbecameacapitalrider。Thiswasveryselfishinme,andItellthefactwithshame。Iwaspunished,however,asIdeserved;theponyhadaspiritofitsown,and,moreover,ithadbelongedtogypsies;once,asIwasridingitfuriouslyoverthelawn,applyingbothwhipandspur,itsuddenlyliftedupitsheels,andflungmeatleastfiveyardsoveritshead。Ireceivedsomedesperatecontusions,andwastakenupfordead;itwasmanymonthsbeforeIperfectlyrecovered。

  ’Butitistimeformetocometothetouchingpartofmystory。

  TherewasonethingthatIlovedbetterthanthechoicestgiftwhichcouldbebestoweduponme,betterthanlifeitself-mymother;-atlengthshebecameunwell,andthethoughtthatImightpossiblylosehernowrushedintomymindforthefirsttime;itwasterrible,andcausedmeunspeakablemisery,Imaysayhorror。

  Mymotherbecameworse,andIwasnotallowedtoenterherapartment,lestbymyfranticexclamationsofgriefImightaggravateherdisorder。Irestedneitherdaynornight,butroamedaboutthehouselikeonedistracted。SuddenlyIfoundmyselfdoingthatwhichevenatthetimestruckmeasbeinghighlysingular;I

  foundmyselftouchingparticularobjectsthatwerenearme,andtowhichmyfingersseemedtobeattractedbyanirresistibleimpulse。

  ItwasnowthetableorthechairthatIwascompelledtotouch;

  nowthebell-rope;nowthehandleofthedoor;nowIwouldtouchthewall,andthenextmoment,stoopingdown,Iwouldplacethepointofmyfingeruponthefloor:andsoIcontinuedtododayafterday;frequentlyIwouldstruggletoresisttheimpulse,butinvariablyinvain。Ihaveevenrushedawayfromtheobject,butI

  wassuretoreturn,theimpulsewastoostrongtoberesisted:I

  quicklyhurriedback,compelledbythefeelingwithinmetotouchtheobject。NowIneednottellyouthatwhatimpelledmetotheseactionswasthedesiretopreventmymother’sdeath;wheneverI

  touchedanyparticularobject,itwaswiththeviewofbafflingtheevilchance,asyouwouldcallit-inthisinstancemymother’sdeath。

  ’Afavourablecrisisoccurredinmymother’scomplaint,andsherecovered;thiscrisistookplaceaboutsixo’clockinthemorning;

  almostsimultaneouslywithittherehappenedtomyselfaratherremarkablecircumstanceconnectedwiththenervousfeelingwhichwasriotinginmysystem。Iwaslyinginbedinakindofuneasydoze,theonlykindofrestwhichmyanxietyonaccountofmymotherpermittedmeatthistimetotake,whenallatonceIsprangupasifelectrified;themysteriousimpulsewasuponme,anditurgedmetogowithoutdelay,andclimbastatelyelmbehindthehouse,andtouchthetopmostbranch;otherwise-youknowtherest-theevilchancewouldprevail。AccustomedforsometimeasIhadbeen,underthisimpulse,toperformextravagantactions,Iconfesstoyouthatthedifficultyandperilofsuchafeatstartledme;I

  reasonedagainstthefeeling,andstrovemorestrenuouslythanI

  hadeverdonebefore;Ievenmadeasolemnvownottogivewaytothetemptation,butIbelievenothinglessthanchains,andthosestrongones,couldhaverestrainedme。Thedemoniacinfluence,forIcancallitnothingelse,atlengthprevailed;itcompelledmetorise,todressmyself,todescendthestairs,tounboltthedoor,andtogoforth;itdrovemetothefootofthetree,anditcompelledmetoclimbthetrunk;thiswasatremendoustask,andI

  onlyaccomplisheditafterrepeatedfallsandtrials。WhenIhadgotamongstthebranches,Irestedforatime,andthensetaboutaccomplishingtheremainderoftheascent;thisforsometimewasnotsodifficult,forIwasnowamongstthebranches;asI

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