第42章
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  Therewas,however,nopossibilityofdepressingmeatsuchatime。TobelovedbyLorna,thesweet,thepure,theplayfulone,thefairestcreatureonGod’searthandthemostenchanting,theladyofhighbirthandmind;thatI,amereclumsy,blunderingyeoman,withoutwit,orwealth,orlineage,shouldhavewonthatlovinghearttobemyownforever,wasathoughtnofearscouldlessen,andnochancecouldstealfromme。

  Thereforeatherownentreatytakingaveryquickadieu,andbyherowninvitationanexceedingkindone,Ihurriedhomewithdeepexulting,yetsomesadmisgivings,forLornahadmademepromisenowtotellmymothereverything;asindeedIalwaysmeanttodo,whenmysuitshouldbegonetoofartostop。Iknew,ofcourse,thatmydearmotherwouldbegreatlymovedandvexed,theheirshipofGlenDoonenotbeingaverydesirabledower,butinspiteofthat,andalldisappointmentastolittleRuthHuckaback,feelingmymother’stendernessanddeepaffectiontome,andforgivingnature,IdoubtednotthatbeforeverylongshewouldviewthematterasIdid。Moreover,IfeltthatifonceIcouldgetheronlytolookatLorna,shewouldsoloveandgloryinher,thatIshouldobtainallpraiseandthanks,perchancewithoutdeservingthem。

  Unluckilyformydesigns,whoshouldbesittingdownatbreakfastwithmymotherandtherestbutSquireFaggus,aseverybodynowbegantoentitlehim。I

  noticedsomethingoddabouthim,somethinguncomfortableinhismanner,andalackofthateaseandhumourwhichhadbeenwonttodistinguishhim。Hetookhisbreakfastasitcame,withoutasinglejokeaboutit,orpreferenceofthistothat;butwithslysoftlooksatAnnie,whoseemedunabletositquiet,ortolookatanyonesteadfastly。Ifearedinmyheartwhatwascomingon,andfelttrulysorryforpoormother。Afterbreakfastitbecamemydutytoseetotheploughingofabarley-stubblereadyforthesowingofaFrenchgrass,andIaskedTomFaggustocomewithme,butherefused,andIknewthereason。Beingresolvedtoallowhimfairfieldtohimself,thoughwithgreatdispleasurethatamanofsuchillegalreputeshouldmarryintoourfamily,whichhadalwaysbeencountedsohonest,Icarriedmydinneruponmyback,andspentthewholedaywiththefurrows。

  WhenIreturned,SquireFagguswasgone;whichappearedtomebutasorrysign,inasmuchasifmotherhadtakenkindlytohimandhisintentions,shewouldsurelyhavemadehimremainawhiletocelebratetheoccasion。Andpresentlynodoubtwasleft:forLizziecamerunningtomeetme,atthebottomofthewoodrick,andcried,——

  ’Oh,John,thereissuchabusiness。Motherisinsuchastateofmind,andAnniecryinghereyesout。Whatdoyouthink?Youwouldneverguess,thoughIhavesuspectedit,eversolong。’

  ’Noneedformetoguess,’Ireplied,asthoughwithsomeindifference,becauseofherself-importantair;

  ’Iknewallaboutitlongago。Youhavenotbeencryingmuch,Isee。Ishouldlikeyoubetterifyouhad。’

  ’WhyshouldIcry?IlikeTomFaggus。HeistheonlyoneIeverseewiththespiritofaman。’

  Thiswasacut,ofcourse,atme。Mr。FaggushadwonthegoodwillofLizziebyhishatredoftheDoones,andvowsthatifhecouldgetadozenmenofanycouragetojoinhim,hewouldpulltheirstrongholdabouttheirearswithoutanymoreado。Thismaliceofhisseemedstrangetome,ashehadneversufferedattheirhands,sofaratleastasIknew;wasittobeattributedtohisjealousyofoutlawswhoexcelledhiminhisbusiness?Notbeinggoodatrepartee,ImadenoanswertoLizzie,havingfoundthiscoursemoreirksometoherthantheverybestinvective:andsoweenteredthehousetogether;andmothersentatonceforme,whileI

  wastryingtoconsolemydarlingsisterAnnie。

  ’Oh,John!speakonegoodwordforme,’shecriedwithbothhandslaidinmine,andhertearfuleyeslookingupatme。

  ’Notone,mypet,butahundred,’Ianswered,kindlyembracingher:’havenofear,littlesister:Iamgoingtomakeyourcasesobright,bycomparison,Imean,thatmotherwillsendforyouinfiveminutes,andcallyouherbest,hermostdutifulchild,andpraiseCousinTomtotheskies,andsendamanonhorsebackafterhim;andthenyouwillhaveahardertasktointercedeforme,mydear。’

  ’Oh,John,dearJohn,youwon’ttellheraboutLorna——oh,notto-day,dear。’

  ’Yes,to-day,andatonce,Annie。Iwanttohaveitover,andbedonewithit。’

  ’Oh,butthinkofher,dear。Iamsureshecouldnotbearit,afterthisgreatshockalready。’

  ’Shewillbearitallthebetter,’saidI;’theonewilldrivetheotherout。Iknowexactlywhatmotheris。Shewillbedesperatelysavagefirstwithyou,andthenwithme,andthenforaverylittlewhilewithbothofustogether;andthenshewillputoneagainsttheotherinhermindImeanandconsiderwhichwasmosttoblame;andindoingthatshewillbecompelledtofindthebestineither’scase,thatitmaybeattheother;andsoasthepleascomebeforehermind,theywillgainuponthecharges,bothofusbeingherchildren,youknow:andbeforeverylongparticularlyifwebothkeepoutofthewayshewillbegintothinkthatafterallshehasbeenalittletoohasty,andthenshewillrememberhowgoodwehavealwaysbeentoher;andhowlikeourfather。Uponthat,shewillthinkofherownlove-time,andsighagoodbit,andcryalittle,andthensmile,andsendforbothofus,andbegourpardon,andcallushertwodarlings。’

  ’Now,John,howonearthcanyouknowallthat?’

  exclaimedmysister,wipinghereyes,andgazingatmewithasoftbrightsmile。’Whoonearthcanhavetoldyou,John?Peopletocallyoustupidindeed!Why,I

  feelthatallyousayisquitetrue,becauseyoudescribesoexactlywhatIshoulddomyself;Imean——I

  meanifIhadtwochildren,whohadbehavedaswehavedone。Buttellme,darlingJohn,howyoulearnedallthis。’

  ’Neveryoumind,’Ireplied,withanodofsomeconceit,Ifear:’ImustbeafoolifIdidnotknowwhatmotherisbythistime。’

  Nowinasmuchasthethingbefellaccordingtomyprediction,whatneedformetodwelluponit,aftersayinghowitwouldbe?Moreover,IwouldregrettowritedownwhatmothersaidaboutLorna,inherfirstsurpriseandtribulation;notonlybecauseIwasgrievedbythegrossinjusticeofit,andfrightenedmotherwithherownwordsrepeateddeeplyafterher;

  butratherbecauseitisnotwell,whenpeoplerepentofhastyspeech,toenteritagainstthem。

  Thatissaidtobetheangels’business;andIdoubtiftheycanattendtoitmuch,withoutdoinginjurytothemselves。

  However,bytheafternoon,whenthesunbegantogodownuponus,ourmothersatonthegardenbench,withherheadonmygreatotter-skinwaistcoatwhichwaswaterproof,andherrightarmroundourAnnie’swaist,andscarcelyknowingwhichofussheoughttomakethemostof,orwhichdeservedmostpity。Notthatshehadforgivenyettherivalstoherlove——TomFaggus,I

  mean,andLorna——butthatshewasbeginningtothinkatattlebetterofthemnow,andavastdealbetterofherownchildren。

  Andithelpedhermuchinthisregard,thatshewasnotthinkinghalfsowellasusualofherself,orratherofherownjudgment;foringoodtruthshehadnoself,onlyasitcamehometoher,bynoverydistantroad,butbywayofherchildren。Abettermotherneverlived;andcanI,aftersearchingallthings,addanotherwordtothat?

  AndindeedpoorLizziewasnotsoverybad;butbehavedonthewholeverywellforher。Shewasmuchtobepitied,poorthing,andgreatallowancesmadeforher,asbelongingtoawell-grownfamily,andaverycomelyone;andfeelingherownshortcomings。Thismadeherleaptotheotherextreme,andreassertherselftoomuch,endeavouringtoexaltthemindattheexpenseofthebody;becauseshehadtheinvisibleonesofarascanbedecidedinbettersharethanthevisible。Notbutwhatshehadherpoints,andverycomelypointsofbody;lovelyeyestowit,andverybeautifulhandsandfeetalmostasgoodasLorna’s,andaneckaswhiteassnow;butLizziewasnotgiftedwithourgaitandport,andboundinghealth。

  Now,whilewesatonthegardenbench,underthegreatash-tree,weleftdearmothertotakeherownway,andtalkatherownpleasure。Childrenalmostalwaysaremorewide-awakethantheirparents。Thefathersandthemotherslaugh;buttheyoungoneshavethebestofthem。AndnowbothAnnieknew,andI,thatwehadgottenthebestofmother;andthereforeweletherlaydownthelaw,asifwehadbeentwodollies。

  ’DarlingJohn,’mymothersaid,’yourcaseisaveryhardone。Ayoungandveryromanticgirl——GodsendthatIberightinmycharitableviewofher——hasmetanequallysimpleboy,amonggreatdangersanddifficulties,fromwhichmysonhassavedher,attheriskofhislifeateverystep。Ofcourse,shebecameattachedtohim,andlookeduptohimineveryway,asasuperiorbeing’——

  ’Comenow,mother,’Isaid;’ifyouonlysawLorna,youwouldlookuponmeasthelowestdirt’——

  ’NodoubtIshould,’mymotheranswered;’andthekingandqueen,andalltheroyalfamily。Well,thispoorangel,havingmadeuphermindtotakecompassionuponmyson,whenhehadsavedherlifesomanytimes,persuadeshimtomarryheroutofpurepity,andthrowhispoormotheroverboard。Andthesaddestpartofitallisthis——’

  ’Thatmymotherwillnever,never,neverunderstandthetruth,’saidI。

  ’ThatisallIwish,’sheanswered;’justtogetatthesimpletruthfrommyownperceptionofit。John,youareverywiseinkissingme;butperhapsyouwouldnotbesowiseinbringingLornaforanafternoon,justtoseewhatshethinksofme。Thereisagoodsaddleofmuttonnow;andtherearesomeverygoodsausagesleft,onthebluedishwiththeanchor,Annie,fromthelastlittlesowwekilled。’

  ’AsifLornawouldeatsausages!’saidI,withappearanceofhighcontempt,thoughrejoicingallthewhilethatmotherseemedtohavehernamesopat;andshepronounceditinamannerwhichmademyheartleaptomyears:’Lornatoeatsausages!’

  ’Idon’tseewhysheshouldn’t,’mymotheransweredsmiling,’ifshemeanstobeafarmer’swife,shemusttaketofarmer’sways,Ithink。Whatdoyousay,Annie?’

  ’ShewilleatwhateverJohndesires,Ishouldhope,’

  saidAnniegravely;’particularlyasImadethem。’

  ’OhthatIcouldonlygetthechanceoftryingher!’I

  answered,’ifyoucouldoncebeholdher,mother,youwouldneverlethergoagain。Andshewouldloveyouwithallherheart,sheissogoodandgentle。’

  ’Thatisaluckythingforme’;sayingthismymotherwept,asshehadbeendoingoffandon,whennooneseemedtolookather;’otherwiseIsuppose,John,shewouldverysoonturnmeoutofthefarm,havingyousocompletelyunderherthumb,assheseemstohave。I

  seenowthatmytimeisover。LizzieandIwillseekourfortunes。Itiswiserso。’

  ’Now,mother,’Icried;’willyouhavethekindnessnottotalkanynonsense?Everythingbelongstoyou;andso,Ihope,yourchildrendo。Andyou,inturn,belongtous;asyouhaveprovedeversince——oh,eversincewecanremember。WhydoyoumakeAnniecryso?Yououghttoknowbetterthanthat。’

  Motheruponthiswentoverallthethingsshehaddonebefore;howmanytimesIknownot;neitherdoesitmatter。Onlysheseemedtoenjoyitmore,everytimeofdoingit。Andthenshesaidshewasanoldfool;

  andAnnielikeathoroughgirlpulledheronegreyhairout。

  Althoughbyourmother’sreluctantconsentalargepartoftheobstaclesbetweenAnnieandherloverappearedtoberemoved,ontheotherhandLornaandmyselfgainedlittle,exceptasregardedcomfortofmind,andsomeeasetotheconscience。Moreover,ourchanceoffrequentmeetingsanddelightfulconversewasmuchimpaired,atleastforthepresent;becausethoughmotherwasnotawareofmynarrowescapefromCarverDoone,shemademepromisenevertoriskmylifebyneedlessvisits。Anduponthispoint,thatistosay,thenecessityofthevisit,shewaswellcontent,asshesaid,toleavemetomyowngoodsenseandhonour;

  onlybeggingmealwaystotellherofmyintentionbeforehand。Thispledge,however,forherownsake,I

  declinedtogive;knowinghowwretchedshewouldbeduringallthetimeofmyabsence;and,onthataccount,Ipromisedinstead,thatIwouldalwaysgiveherafullaccountofmyadventureuponreturning。

  Nowmymother,asmightbeexpected,beganatoncetocastaboutforsomemeansofrelievingmefromallfurtherperil,andherselffromgreatanxiety。ShewasfullofplansforfetchingLorna,insomewonderfulmanner,outofthepoweroftheDoonesentirely,andintoherownhands,whereshewastoremainforatleastatwelve-month,learningallmotherandAnniecouldteachherofdairybusiness,andfarm-houselife,andthebestmodeofpackingbutter。Andallthisarosefrommyhappeningtosay,withoutmeaninganything,howthepoordearhadlongedforquiet,andalifeofsimplicity,andarestawayfromviolence!

  Blessthee,mother——nowlonginheaven,thereisnoneedtoblessthee;butitoftenmakesadimnessnowinmywell-worneyes,whenIthinkofthyloving-kindness,warmth,andromanticinnocence。

  AstostealingmybelovedfromthatvileGlenDoone,thedeeditselfwasnotimpossible,norbeyondmydaring;butinthefirstplacewouldshecome,leavingheroldgrandfathertodiewithouthertendence?Andevenif,throughfearofCarverandthatwickedCounsellor,sheshouldconsenttofly,woulditbepossibletokeepherwithoutaregimentofsoldiers?

  WouldnottheDoonesatoncerideforthtoscourthecountryfortheirqueen,andfindingherastheymustdo,burnourhouse,andmurderus,andcarryherbacktriumphantly?

  AllthisIlaidbeforemymother,andtosucheffectthatsheacknowledged,withasighthatnothingelseremainedformeinthepresentstateofmatters

  excepttokeepacarefulwatchuponLornafromsafedistance,observethepolicyoftheDoones,andwaitforatideintheiraffairs。MeanwhileImightevenfallinloveasmotherunwiselyhintedwithacertainmorepeacefulheiress,althoughofinferiorblood,whowouldbedailyatmyelbow。Iamnotsurebutwhatdearmotherherselfwouldhavebeendisappointed,hadI

  provedmyselfsofickle;andmydisdainandindignationatthemeresuggestiondidnotsomuchdispleaseher;

  forsheonlysmiledandanswered,——

  ’Well,itisnotformetosay;Godknowswhatisgoodforus。Likingswillnotcometoorder;otherwiseI

  shouldnotbewhereIamthisday。AndofonethingI

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