第11章
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  Tomfindsadifficultyinjumping,orindeedinfindingthetopofthewheelwithhisfeet,whichmaybeinthenextworldforallhefeels;sotheguardpickshimoffthecoachtop,andsetshimonhislegs,andtheystumpoffintothebar,andjointhecoachmanandtheotheroutsidepassengers。

  Hereafresh-lookingbarmaidservesthemeachwithaglassofearlypurlastheystandbeforethefire,coachmanandguardexchangingbusinessremarks。ThepurlwarmsthecocklesofTom’sheart,andmakeshimcough。

  “Raretacklethat,sir,ofacoldmorning,“saysthecoachman,smiling。“Time’sup。“Theyareoutagainandup;coacheethelast,gatheringthereinsintohishandsandtalkingtoJemthehostleraboutthemare’sshoulder,andthenswinginghimselfupontothebox——thehorsesdashingoffinacanterbeforehefallsintohisseat。Toot-toot-tootle-toogoesthehorn,andawaytheyareagain,five-and-thirtymilesontheirroadnearlyhalf-waytoRugby,thinksTom,andtheprospectofbreakfastattheendofthestage。

  Andnowtheybegintosee,andtheearlylifeofthecountry-

  sidecomesout——amarketcartortwo;meninsmock-frocksgoingtotheirwork,pipeinmouth,awhiffofwhichisnobadsmellthisbrightmorning。Thesungetsup,andthemistshineslikesilvergauze。Theypassthehoundsjoggingalongtoadistantmeet,attheheelsofthehuntsman’sback,whosefaceisaboutthecolourofthetailsofhisoldpink,asheexchangesgreetingswithcoachmanandguard。Nowtheypullupatalodge,andtakeonboardawell-muffled-upsportsman,withhisgun-caseandcarpet-bag,Anearlyup-coachmeetsthem,andthecoachmengatheruptheirhorses,andpassoneanotherwiththeaccustomedliftoftheelbow,eachteamdoingelevenmilesanhour,withamiletosparebehindifnecessary。Andherecomesbreakfast。

  “Twentyminuteshere,gentlemen,“saysthecoachman,astheypullupathalf-pastsevenattheinn-door。

  Havewenotendurednoblythismorning?andisnotthisaworthyrewardformuchendurance?Thereisthelow,darkwainscotedroomhungwithsportingprints;thehat-standwithawhiportwostandingupinitbelongingtobagmenwhoarestillsnuginbedbythedoor;theblazingfire,withthequaintoldglassoverthemantelpiece,inwhichisstuckalargecardwiththelistofthemeetsfortheweekofthecountyhounds;thetablecoveredwiththewhitestofclothsandofchina,andbearingapigeon-pie,ham,roundofcoldboiledbeefcutfromamammothox,andthegreatloafofhouseholdbreadonawoodentrencher。

  Andherecomesinthestoutheadwaiter,puffingunderatrayofhotviands——kidneysandasteak,transparentrashersandpoachedeggs,butteredtoastandmuffins,coffeeandtea,allsmokinghot。Thetablecanneverholditall。Thecoldmeatsareremovedtothesideboard——theywereonlyputonforshowandtogiveusanappetite。Andnowfallon,gentlemenall。Itisawell-knownsporting-house,andthebreakfastsarefamous。

  Twoorthreemeninpink,ontheirwaytothemeet,dropin,andareveryjovialandsharp-set,asindeedweallare。

  “Teaorcoffee,sir?“saysheadwaiter,comingroundtoTom。

  “Coffee,please,“saysTom,withhismouthfullofmuffinandkidney。Coffeeisatreattohim,teaisnot。

  Ourcoachman,Iperceive,whobreakfastswithus,isacoldbeefman。Healsoeschewshotpotations,andaddictshimselftoatankardofale,whichisbroughthimbythebarmaid。Sportsmanlooksonapprovingly,andordersadittoforhimself。

  Tomhaseatenkidneyandpigeon-pie,andimbibedcoffee,tillhislittleskinisastightasadrum;andthenhasthefurtherpleasureofpayingheadwaiteroutofhisownpurse,inadignifiedmanner,andwalksoutbeforetheinn-doortoseethehorsesputto。Thisisdoneleisurelyandinahighly-finishedmannerbythehostlers,asiftheyenjoyedthenotbeinghurried。Coachmancomesoutwithhiswaybill,andpuffingafatcigarwhichthesportsmanhasgivenhim。Guardemergesfromthetap,whereheprefersbreakfasting,lickingroundatough-

  lookingdoubtfulcheroot,whichyoumighttieroundyourfinger,andthreewhiffsofwhichwouldknockanyoneelseoutoftime。

  Thepinksstandabouttheinn-doorlightingcigarsandwaitingtoseeusstart,whiletheirhacksareledupanddownthemarket-place,onwhichtheinnlooks。Theyallknowoursportsman,andwefeelareflectedcreditwhenweseehimchattingandlaughingwiththem。

  “Now,sir,please,“saysthecoachman。Alltherestofthepassengersareup;theguardislockingupthehind-boot。

  “Agoodruntoyou!“saysthesportsmantothepinks,andisbythecoachman’ssideinnotime。

  “Let’emgo,Dick!“Thehostlersflyback,drawingofftheclothsfromtheirglossyloins,andawaywegothroughthemarket-placeanddowntheHighStreet,lookinginatthefirst-

  floorwindows,andseeingseveralworthyburgessesshavingthereat;whilealltheshopboyswhoarecleaningthewindows,andhousemaidswhoaredoingthesteps,stopandlookpleasedaswerattlepast,asifwewereapartoftheirlegitimatemorning’samusement。Weclearthetown,andarewelloutbetweenthehedgerowsagainasthetownclockstrikeseight。

  Thesunshinesalmostwarmly,andbreakfasthasoiledallspringsandloosenedalltongues。Tomisencouragedbyaremarkortwooftheguard’sbetweenthepuffsofhisoilycheroot,andbesidesisgettingtiredofnottalking。Heistoofullofhisdestinationtotalkaboutanythingelse,andsoaskstheguardifheknowsRugby。

  “Goesthroughiteverydayofmylife。Twentyminutesaforetwelvedown——teno’clockup。“

  “Whatsortofplaceisit,please?“saysTom。

  Guardlooksathimwithacomicalexpression。“Werryout-o’-

  the-wayplace,sir;nopavingtostreets,nornolighting。

  ’Mazin’bighorseandcattlefairinautumn——lastsaweek——

  justovernow。Takestownaweektogetcleanafterit。

  Fairishhuntingcountry。Butslowplace,sir,slowplace-offthemainroad,yousee——onlythreecoachesaday,andoneon’ematwo-osswan,morelikeahearsenoracoach——Regulator——

  comesfromOxford。Younggenl’m’natschoolcallsherPigandWhistle,andgoesuptocollegebyhersixmilesanhourwhentheygoestoenter。Belongtoschool,sir?“

  “Yes,“saysTom,notunwillingforamomentthattheguardshouldthinkhimanoldboy。Butthen,havingsomequalmsastothetruthoftheassertion,andseeingthatifheweretoassumethecharacterofanoldboyhecouldn’tgoonaskingthequestionshewanted,added——“Thatistosay,I’monmywaythere。I’manewboy。“

  TheguardlookedasifheknewthisquiteaswellasTom。

  “You’rewerrylate,sir,“saystheguard;“onlysixweeksto-daytotheendofthehalf。“Tomassented。“Wetakesupfineloadsthisdaysixweeks,andMondayandTuesdayarter。Hopesweshallhavethepleasureofcarryingyouback。“

  Tomsaidhehopedtheywould;buthethoughtwithinhimselfthathisfatewouldprobablybethePigandWhistle。

  “Itpaysuncommoncert’nly,“continuestheguard。“Werryfreewiththeircashistheyounggenl’m’n。But,Lor’blessyou,wegetsintosuchrowsall’longtheroad,whatwi’theirpea-

  shooters,andlongwhips,andhollering,andupsettingeveryoneascomesby,I’dasightsoonercarryoneortwoon’em,sir,asImaybea-carryin’ofyounow,thanacoach-load。“

  “Whatdotheydowiththepea-shooters?“inquiresTom。

  “Dowi’’em!Why,pepperseveryone’sfacesaswecomesnear,’cepttheyounggals,andbreakswindowswi’themtoo,someon’emshootssohard。Now’twasjustherelastJune,aswewasa-

  drivingupthefirst-dayboys,theywasmendin’aquarter-mileofroad,andtherewasalotofIrishchaps,reg’larroughs,a-

  breakingstones。Aswecomesup,’Now,boys,’saysyounggentontheboxsmartyoungfellowanddesper’treckless,’here’sfun!LetthePatshaveitabouttheears。’’God’ssakesir!’

  saysBobthat’smymatethecoachman;’don’tgofortoshootat’em。They’llknockusoffthecoach。’’Damme,coachee,’

  saysyoungmylord,’youain’tafraid——Hoora,boys!let’emhaveit。’’Hoora!’singsouttheothers,andfilltheirmouthschoke-fullofpeastolastthewholeline。Bob,seeingas’twastocome,knockshishatoverhiseyes,hollerstohisosses,andshakes’emup;andawaywegoesuptothelineon’em,twentymilesanhour。ThePatsbegintohooratoo,thinkingitwasarunaway;andfirstloton’emstandsgrinnin’andwavin’theiroldhatsaswecomesabreaston’em;andthenyou’dha’laughedtoseehowtookabackandchokingsavagetheylooked,whentheygetsthepeasa-stingingallover’em。Butblessyou,thelaughweren’tallofourside,sir,byalongway。Wewasgoingsofast,andtheywassotookaback,thattheydidn’ttakewhatwasuptillwewashalf-wayuptheline。Then’twas,’Lookoutall!’surely。Theyhowlsalldownthelinefittofrightenyou;

  someon’emrunsarterusandtriestoclamberupbehind,onlywehits’emoverthefingersandpullstheirhandsoff;oneashadhaditverysharpact’lyrunsrightattheleaders,asthoughhe’dketch’embytheheads,onlyluck’lyforhimhemisseshistipandcomesoveraheapo’stonesfirst。Therestpicksupstones,andgivesitusrightawaytillwegetsoutofshot,theyounggentsholdingoutwerrymanfulwiththepea-

  shootersandsuchstonesaslodgedonus,andaprettymanytherewastoo。ThenBobpickshisselfupagain,andlooksatyounggentonboxwerrysolemn。Bob’dhadarumunintheribs,which’dliketoha’knockedhimoffthebox,ormadehimdropthereins。Younggentonboxpickshisselfup,andsodoesweall,andlooksroundtocountdamage。Box’sheadcutopenandhishatgone;’notheryounggent’shatgone;mineknockedinattheside,andnotoneonusaswasn’tblackandbluesomewheresoranother,moston’emallover。Twopoundtentopayfordamagetopaint,whichtheysubscribedforthereandthen,andgiveBobandmeaextrahalf-sovereigneach;butIwouldn’tgodownthatlineagainnotfortwentyhalf-sovereigns。“Andtheguardshookhisheadslowly,andgotupandblewaclear,brisktoot-toot。

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