第20章
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  amverygratefulforsuchsolicitudefordecentpeople’swelfare。

  Butinanycase,whetheritisnastythereornice,fivehundredroublesIhaven’tgot。Ihaven’tpilferedgovernmentmoney。I

  haven’texploitedthenatives,Ihaven’ttraffickedincontraband,Ihavefloggednoonetodeath,sojudgewhetherI

  havetherighttotravelfirst-classandevenlesstoreckonmyselfoftheeducatedclass?Butyouwon’tcatchthemwithlogic。Onehastoresorttodeception。Iputonaworkman’scoatandhighboots,Iassumedadrunken,servilemugandwenttotheagents:’Giveusalittleticket,yourhonour,’saidI。

  “Why,whatclassdoyoubelongto?“askedasailor。

  “Clerical。Myfatherwasanhonestpriest,healwaystoldthegreatonesoftheworldthetruthtotheirfaces;andhehadagreatdealtoputupwithinconsequence。“

  PavelIvanitchwasexhaustedwithtalkingandgaspedforbreath,butstillwenton:

  “Yes,Ialwaystellpeoplethetruthtotheirfaces。Iamnotafraidofanyoneoranything。Thereisavastdifferencebetweenmeandallofyouinthatrespect。Youareindarkness,youareblind,crushed;youseenothingandwhatyoudoseeyoudon’tunderstand。Youaretoldthewindbreaksloosefromitschain,thatyouarebeasts,Petchenyegs,andyoubelieveit;theypunchyouintheneck,youkisstheirhands;someanimalinasable-linedcoatrobsyouandthentipsyoufifteenkopecksandyou:’Letmekissyourhand,sir。’Youarepariahs,pitifulpeople。Iamadifferentsort。Myeyesareopen,Iseeitallasclearlyasahawkoraneaglewhenitfloatsovertheearth,andIunderstanditall。Iamalivingprotest。Iseeirresponsibletyranny——Iprotest。Iseecantandhypocrisy——I

  protest。Iseeswinetriumphant——Iprotest。AndIcannotbesuppressed,noSpanishInquisitioncanmakemeholdmytongue。

  No。CutoutmytongueandIwouldprotestindumbshow;

  shutmeupinacellar——Iwillshoutfromittobeheardhalfamileaway,orIwillstarvemyselftodeaththattheymayhaveanotherweightontheirblackconsciences。KillmeandIwillhauntthemwithmyghost。Allmyacquaintancessaytome:’Youareamostinsufferableperson,PavelIvanitch。’Iamproudofsuchareputation。IhaveservedthreeyearsinthefarEast,andIshallberememberedthereforahundredyears:Ihadrowswitheveryone。MyfriendswritetomefromRussia,’Don’tcomeback,’

  buthereIamgoingbacktospitethemyes。ThatislifeasIunderstandit。Thatiswhatonecancalllife。“

  Gusevwaslookingatthelittlewindowandwasnotlistening。A

  boatwasswayingonthetransparent,soft,turquoisewaterallbathedinhot,dazzlingsunshine。InittherewerenakedChinamenholdingupcageswithcanariesandcallingout:

  “Itsings,itsings!“

  Anotherboatknockedagainstthefirst;thesteamcutterdartedby。AndthentherecameanotherboatwithafatChinamansittinginit,eatingricewithlittlesticks。

  Languidlythewaterheaved,languidlythewhiteseagullsfloatedoverit。

  “Ishouldliketogivethatfatfellowoneintheneck,“thoughtGusev,gazingatthestoutChinaman,withayawn。

  Hedozedoff,anditseemedtohimthatallnaturewasdozing,too。Timeflewswiftlyby;imperceptiblythedaypassed,imperceptiblythedarknesscameon。Thesteamerwasnolongerstandingstill,butmovingonfurther。

  Twodayspassed,PavelIvanitchlaydowninsteadofsittingup;

  hiseyeswereclosed,hisnoseseemedtohavegrownsharper。

  “PavelIvanitch,“Gusevcalledtohim。“Hey,PavelIvanitch。“

  PavelIvanitchopenedhiseyesandmovedhislips。

  “Areyoufeelingbad?“

  “Noit’snothing“answeredPavelIvanitch,gasping。

  “Nothing;onthecontrary——Iamratherbetter。YouseeI

  canliedown。Iamalittleeasier。“

  “Well,thankGodforthat,PavelIvanitch。“

  “WhenIcomparemyselfwithyouIamsorryforyoupoorfellow。Mylungsareallright,itisonlyastomachcough。

  Icanstandhell,letalonetheRedSea。BesidesItakeacriticalattitudetomyillnessandtothemedicinestheygivemeforit。Whileyouyouareindarkness。It’shardforyou,very,veryhard!“

  Theshipwasnotrolling,itwascalm,butashotandstiflingasabath-house;itwasnotonlyhardtospeakbutevenhardtolisten。Gusevhuggedhisknees,laidhisheadonthemandthoughtofhishome。Goodheavens,whatareliefitwastothinkofsnowandcoldinthatstiflingheat!Youdriveinasledge,allatoncethehorsestakefrightatsomethingandbolt。

  Regardlessoftheroad,theditches,theravines,theydashlikemadthings,rightthroughthevillage,overthepondbythepotteryworks,outacrosstheopenfields。“Holdon,“thepotteryhandsandthepeasantsshout,meetingthem。“Holdon。“Butwhy?

  Letthekeen,coldwindbeatinone’sfaceandbiteone’shands;

  letthelumpsofsnow,kickedupbythehorses’hoofs,fallonone’scap,onone’sback,downone’scollar,onone’schest;lettherunnersringonthesnow,andthetracesandthesledgebesmashed,deucetakethemoneandall!Andhowdelightfulwhenthesledgeupsetsandyougoflyingfulltiltintoadrift,facedownwardsinthesnow,andthenyougetupwhitealloverwithiciclesonyourmoustaches;nocap,nogloves,yourbeltundone。

  Peoplelaugh,thedogsbark。

  PavelIvanitchhalfopenedoneeye,lookedatGusevwithit,andaskedsoftly:

  “Gusev,didyourcommandingofficersteal?“

  “Whocantell,PavelIvanitch!Wecan’tsay,itdidn’treachus。“

  Andafterthatalongtimepassedinsilence。Gusevbrooded,mutteredsomethingindelirium,andkeptdrinkingwater;itwashardforhimtotalkandhardtolisten,andhewasafraidofbeingtalkedto。Anhourpassed,asecond,athird;eveningcameon,thennight,buthedidnotnoticeit。Hestillsatdreamingofthefrost。

  Therewasasoundasthoughsomeonecameintothehospital,andvoiceswereaudible,butafewminutespassedandallwasstillagain。

  “TheKingdomofHeavenandeternalpeace,“saidthesoldierwithhisarminasling。“Hewasanuncomfortableman。“

  “What?“askedGusev。“Who?“

  “Heisdead,theyhavejustcarriedhimup。“

  “Oh,well,“mutteredGusev,yawning,“theKingdomofHeavenbehis。“

  “Whatdoyouthink?“thesoldierwithhisarminaslingaskedGusev。“WillhebeintheKingdomofHeavenornot?“

  “Whoisityouaretalkingabout?“

  “PavelIvanitch。“

  “Hewillbehesufferedsolong。Andthereisanotherthing,hebelongedtotheclergy,andthepriestsalwayshavealotofrelations。Theirprayerswillsavehim。“

  ThesoldierwiththeslingsatdownonahammocknearGusevandsaidinanundertone:

  “Andyou,Gusev,arenotlongforthisworld。YouwillnevergettoRussia。“

  “Didthedoctororhisassistantsayso?“askedGusev。

  “Itisn’tthattheysaidso,butonecanseeit。Onecanseedirectlywhenaman’sgoingtodie。Youdon’teat,youdon’tdrink;it’sdreadfultoseehowthinyou’vegot。It’sconsumption,infact。Isayit,nottoupsetyou,butbecausemaybeyouwouldliketohavethesacramentandextremeunction。

  Andifyouhaveanymoneyyouhadbettergiveittotheseniorofficer。“

  “Ihaven’twrittenhome“Gusevsighed。“Ishalldieandtheywon’tknow。“

  “They’llhearofit,“thesicksailorbroughtoutinabassvoice。“Whenyoudietheywillputitdowninthe_Gazette,_atOdessatheywillsendinareporttothecommandingofficerthereandhewillsendittotheparishorsomewhere。

  Gusevbegantobeuneasyaftersuchaconversationandtofeelavagueyearning。Hedrankwater——itwasnotthat;hedraggedhimselftothewindowandbreathedthehot,moistair——itwasnotthat;hetriedtothinkofhome,ofthefrost——itwasnotthat。Atlastitseemedtohimoneminutelongerinthewardandhewouldcertainlyexpire。

  “It’sstifling,mates“hesaid。“I’llgoondeck。Helpmeup,forChrist’ssake。“

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