第18章
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  ’WouldyoulikeBuncetocomein,papa?’saidEleanor,thinkingthatthecompanyoftheoldmanmightlightenhissorrow。

  ’No,mydear,thankyou,nottoday;butarenotyougoingout,Eleanor,thislovelyafternoon?don’tstayinforme,mydear。’

  ’Ithoughtyouseemedsosad,papa。’

  ’Sad,’saidhe,irritated;’well,peoplemustallhavetheirshareofsadnesshere;Iamnotmoreexemptthananother:

  butkissme,dearest,andgonow;Iwill,ifpossible,bemoresociablewhenyoureturn。’

  AndEleanorwasagainbanishedfromherfather’ssorrow。

  Ah!herdesirenowwasnottofindhimhappy,buttobeallowedtosharehissorrows;nottoforcehimtobesociable,buttopersuadehimtobetrustful。

  Sheputonherbonnetasdesired,andwentuptoMaryBold;thiswasnowherdailyhaunt,forJohnBoldwasupinLondonamonglawyersandchurchreformers,divingdeepintootherquestionsthanthatofthewardenshipofBarchester;

  supplyinginformationtoonememberofParliament,anddiningwithanother;subscribingtofundsfortheabolitionofclericalincomes,andsecondingatthatgreatnationalmeetingattheCrownandAnchoraresolutiontotheeffect,thatnoclergymanoftheChurchofEngland,behewhohemight,shouldhavemorethanathousandayear,andnonelessthantwohundredandfifty。Hisspeechonthisoccasionwasshort,forfifteenhadtospeak,andtheroomwashiredfortwohoursonly,attheexpirationofwhichtheQuakersandMrCobdenweretomakeuseofitforanappealtothepublicinaidoftheEmperorofRussia;butitwassharpandeffective;atleasthewastoldsobyacompanionwithwhomhenowlivedmuch,andonwhomhegreatlydepended——oneTomTowers,averyleadinggenius,andsupposedtohavehighemploymentonthestaffofTheJupiter。

  SoEleanor,aswasnowherwont,wentuptoMaryBold,andMarylistenedkindly,whilethedaughterspokemuchofherfather,and,perhapskinderstill,foundalistenerinEleanor,whileshespokeaboutherbrother。Inthemeantimethewardensatalone,leaningonthearmofhischair;hehadpouredoutaglassofwine,buthaddonesomerelyfromhabit,forheleftituntouched;therehesatgazingattheopenwindow,andthinking,ifhecanbesaidtohavethought,ofthehappinessofhispastlife。Allmannerofpastdelightscamebeforehismind,whichatthetimehehadenjoyedwithoutconsideringthem;hiseasydays,hisabsenceofallkindofhardwork,hispleasantshadyhome,thosetwelveoldneighbourswhosewelfaretillnowhadbeenthesourceofsomuchpleasantcare,theexcellenceofhischildren,thefriendshipofthedearoldbishop,thesolemngrandeurofthosevaultedaisles,throughwhichhelovedtohearhisownvoicepealing;

  andthenthatfriendoffriends,thatchoiceallythathadneverdesertedhim,thateloquentcompanionthatwouldalways,whenasked,discoursesuchpleasantmusic,thatvioloncelloofhis——ah,howhappyhehadbeen!butitwasovernow;hiseasydaysandabsenceofworkhadbeenthecrimewhichbroughtonhimhistribulation;hisshadyhomewaspleasantnolonger;maybeitwasnolongerhis;theoldneighbours,whosewelfarehadbeensodesiredbyhim,werehisenemies;

  hisdaughterwasaswretchedashimself;andeventhebishopwasmademiserablebyhisposition。Hecouldneveragainliftuphisvoiceboldlyashehadhithertodoneamonghisbrethren,forhefeltthathewasdisgraced;andhefearedeventotouchhisbow,forheknewhowgrievousasoundofwailing,howpiteousalamentation,itwouldproduce。

  Hewasstillsittinginthesamechairandthesameposture,havinghardlymovedalimbfortwohours,whenEleanorcamebacktotea,andsucceededinbringinghimwithherintothedrawing-room。

  Theteaseemedascomfortlessasthedinner,thoughthewarden,whohadhithertoeatennothingallday,devouredtheplatefulofbreadandbutter,unconsciousofwhathewasdoing。

  Eleanorhadmadeuphermindtoforcehimtotalktoher,butshehardlyknewhowtocommence:shemustwaittilltheurnwasgone,tilltheservantwouldnolongerbecominginandout。

  Atlasteverythingwasgone,andthedrawing-roomdoorwaspermanentlyclosed;thenEleanor,gettingupandgoingroundtoherfather,putherarmroundhisneck,andsaid,’Papa,won’tyoutellmewhatitis?’

  ’Whatwhatis,mydear?’

  ’Thisnewsorrowthattormentsyou;Iknowyouareunhappy,papa。’

  ’Newsorrow!it’snonewsorrow,mydear;wehaveallourcaressometimes’;andhetriedtosmile,butitwasaghastlyfailure;’butIshouldn’tbesodullacompanion;

  come,we’llhavesomemusic。’

  ’No,papa,nottonight——itwouldonlytroubleyoutonight’;

  andshesatuponhisknee,asshesometimeswouldintheirgayestmoods,andwithherarmroundhisneck,shesaid:

  ’Papa,Iwillnotleaveyoutillyoutalktome;oh,ifyouonlyknewhowmuchgooditwoulddotoyou,totellmeofitall。’

  Thefatherkissedhisdaughter,andpressedhertohisheart;

  butstillhesaidnothing:itwassohardtohimtospeakofhisownsorrows;hewassoshyamanevenwithhisownchild!

  ’Oh,papa,dotellmewhatitis;Iknowitisaboutthehospital,andwhattheyaredoingupinLondon,andwhatthatcruelnewspaperhassaid;butiftherebesuchcauseforsorrow,letusbesorrowfultogether;weareallinalltoeachothernow:dear,dearpapa,dospeaktome。’

  MrHardingcouldnotwellspeaknow,forthewarmtearswererunningdownhischeekslikeraininMay,butheheldhischildclosetohisheart,andsqueezedherhandasalovermight,andshekissedhisforeheadandhiswetcheeks,andlayuponhisbosom,andcomfortedhimasawomanonlycando。

  ,Myownchild,’hesaid,assoonashistearswouldlethimspeak,’myown,ownchild,whyshouldyoutoobeunhappybeforeitisnecessary?Itmaycometothat,thatwemustleavethisplace,buttillthattimecomes,whyshouldyouryoungdaysbeclouded?’

  ’Andisthatall,papa?Ifthatbeall,letusleaveit,andhavelightheartselsewhere:ifthatbeall,letusgo。Oh,papa,youandIcouldbehappyifwehadonlybreadtoeat,solongasourheartswerelight。’

  AndEleanor’sfacewaslightedupwithenthusiasmasshetoldherfatherhowhemightbanishallhiscare;andagleamofjoyshotacrosshisbrowasthisideaofescapeagainpresenteditself,andheagainfanciedforamomentthathecouldspurnawayfromhimtheincomewhichtheworldenviedhim;thathecouldgivethelietothatwielderofthetomahawkwhohaddaredtowritesuchthingsofhiminTheJupiter;

  thathecouldleaveSirAbraham,andthearchdeacon,andBold,andtherestofthemwiththeirlawsuitamongthem,andwipehishandsaltogetherofsosorrow-stirringaconcern。Ah,whathappinessmighttherebeinthedistance,withEleanorandhiminsomesmallcottage,andnothingleftoftheirformergrandeurbuttheirmusic!Yes,theywouldwalkforthwiththeirmusicbooks,andtheirinstruments,andshakingthedustfromofftheirfeetastheywent,leavetheungratefulplace。

  Neverdidapoorclergymansighforawarmbeneficemoreanxiouslythanourwardendidnowtoberidofhis。

  ’Giveitup,papa,’shesaidagain,jumpingfromhiskneesandstandingonherfeetbeforehim,lookingboldlyintohisface;’giveitup,papa。’

  Oh,itwassadtoseehowthatmomentarygleamofjoypassedaway;howthelookofhopewasdispersedfromthatsorrowfulface,astheremembranceofthearchdeaconcamebackuponourpoorwarden,andhereflectedthathecouldnotstirfromhisnowhatedpost。Hewasasamanboundwithiron,fetteredwithadamant:hewasinnorespectafreeagent;hehadnochoice。’Giveitup!’Ohifheonlycould:

  whataneasywaythatwereoutofallhistroubles!

  ’Papa,don’tdoubtaboutit,’shecontinued,thinkingthathishesitationarosefromhisunwillingnesstoabandonsocomfortableahome;’isitonmyaccountthatyouwouldstayhere?DoyouthinkthatIcannotbehappywithoutapony-

  carriageandafinedrawing-room?Papa,Inevercanbehappyhere,aslongasthereisaquestionastoyourhonourinstayinghere;butIcouldbegayasthedayislonginthesmallesttinylittlecottage,ifIcouldseeyoucomeinandgooutwithalightheart。Oh!papa,yourfacetellssomuch;

  thoughyouwon’tspeaktomewithyourvoice,IknowhowitiswithyoueverytimeIlookatyou。’

  Howhepressedhertohisheartagainwithalmostaspasmodicpressure!Howhekissedherasthetearsfelllikerainfromhisoldeyes!Howheblessedher,andcalledherbyahundredsoftsweetnameswhichnowcamenewtohislips!Howhechidhimselfforeverhavingbeenunhappywithsuchatreasureinhishouse,suchajewelonhisbosom,withsosweetaflowerinthechoicegardenofhisheart!Andthenthefloodgatesofhistonguewereloosed,and,atlength,withunsparingdetailofcircumstances,hetoldherallthathewished,andallthathecouldnotdo。Herepeatedthoseargumentsofthearchdeacon,notagreeingintheirtruth,butexplaininghisinabilitytoescapefromthem——howithadbeendeclaredtohimthathewasboundtoremainwherehewasbytheinterestsofhisorder,bygratitudetothebishop,bythewishesofhisfriends,byasenseofduty,which,thoughhecouldnotunderstandit,hewasfaintoacknowledge。Hetoldherhowhehadbeenaccusedofcowardice,andthoughhewasnotamantomakemuchofsuchachargebeforetheworld,nowinthefullcandourofhisheartheexplainedtoherthatsuchanaccusationwasgrievoustohim;thathedidthinkitwouldbeunmanlytodeserthispost,merelytoescapehispresentsufferings,andthat,therefore,hemustbearasbesthemightthemiserywhichwaspreparedforhim。

  Anddidshefindthesedetailstedious?Oh,no;sheencouragedhimtodilateoneveryfeelingheexpressed,tillhelaidbaretheinmostcornersofhishearttoher。Theyspoketogetherofthearchdeacon,astwochildrenmightofastern,unpopular,butstillrespectedschoolmaster,andofthebishopasaparentkindaskindcouldbe,butpowerlessagainstanomnipotentpedagogue。

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