第49章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"The Voyage Out",免费读到尾

  “AndIthoughtyou——aprig,“sherecollected。“No;that’snotquiteit。

  Thereweretheantswhostolethetongue,andIthoughtyouandSt。Johnwerelikethoseants——verybig,veryugly,veryenergetic,withallyourvirtuesonyourbacks。However,whenItalkedtoyouIlikedyou——“

  “Youfellinlovewithme,“hecorrectedher。“Youwereinlovewithmeallthetime,onlyyoudidn’tknowit。“

  “No,Ineverfellinlovewithyou,“sheasserted。

  “Rachel——whatalie——didn’tyousitherelookingatmywindow——

  didn’tyouwanderaboutthehotellikeanowlinthesun——?“

  “No,“sherepeated,“Ineverfellinlove,iffallinginloveiswhatpeoplesayitis,andit’stheworldthattellstheliesandItellthetruth。Oh,whatlies——whatlies!“

  ShecrumpledtogetherahandfuloflettersfromEvelynM。,fromMr。Pepper,fromMrs。ThornburyandMissAllan,andSusanWarrington。

  Itwasstrange,consideringhowverydifferentthesepeoplewere,thattheyusedalmostthesamesentenceswhentheywrotetocongratulateheruponherengagement。

  Thatanyoneofthesepeoplehadeverfeltwhatshefelt,orcouldeverfeelit,orhadeventherighttopretendforasinglesecondthattheywerecapableoffeelingit,appalledhermuchasthechurchservicehaddone,muchasthefaceofthehospitalnursehaddone;

  andiftheydidn’tfeelathingwhydidtheygoandpretendto?

  Thesimplicityandarroganceandhardnessofheryouth,nowconcentratedintoasinglesparkasitwasbyherloveofhim,puzzledTerence;

  beingengagedhadnotthateffectonhim;theworldwasdifferent,butnotinthatway;hestillwantedthethingshehadalwayswanted,andinparticularhewantedthecompanionshipofotherpeoplemorethaneverperhaps。Hetookthelettersoutofherhand,andprotested:

  “Ofcoursethey’reabsurd,Rachel;ofcoursetheysaythingsjustbecauseotherpeoplesaythem,butevenso,whatanicewomanMissAllanis;youcan’tdenythat;andMrs。Thornburytoo;she’sgottoomanychildrenIgrantyou,butifhalf-a-dozenofthemhadgonetothebadinsteadofrisinginfalliblytothetopsoftheirtrees——

  hasn’tsheakindofbeauty——ofelementalsimplicityasFlushingwouldsay?Isn’tsheratherlikealargeoldtreemurmuringinthemoonlight,orarivergoingonandonandon?Bytheway,Ralph’sbeenmadegovernoroftheCarrowayIslands——theyoungestgovernorintheservice;verygood,isn’tit?“

  ButRachelwasatpresentunabletoconceivethatthevastmajorityoftheaffairsoftheworldwentonunconnectedbyasinglethreadwithherowndestiny。

  “Iwon’thaveelevenchildren,“sheasserted;“Iwon’thavetheeyesofanoldwoman。Shelooksatoneupanddown,upanddown,asifonewereahorse。“

  “Wemusthaveasonandwemusthaveadaughter,“saidTerence,puttingdowntheletters,“because,letalonetheinestimableadvantageofbeingourchildren,they’dbesowellbroughtup。“

  Theywentontosketchanoutlineoftheidealeducation——

  howtheirdaughtershouldberequiredfrominfancytogazeatalargesquareofcardboardpaintedblue,tosuggestthoughtsofinfinity,forwomenweregrowntoopractical;andtheirson——heshouldbetaughttolaughatgreatmen,thatis,atdistinguishedsuccessfulmen,atmenwhoworeribandsandrosetothetopsoftheirtrees。

  HeshouldinnowayresembleRacheladdedSt。JohnHirst。

  AtthisTerenceprofessedthegreatestadmirationforSt。JohnHirst。

  Dwellinguponhisgoodqualitieshebecameseriouslyconvincedofthem;

  hehadamindlikeatorpedo,hedeclared,aimedatfalsehood。

  Whereshouldweallbewithouthimandhislike?Chokedinweeds;

  Christians,bigots,——why,Rachelherself,wouldbeaslavewithafantosingsongstomenwhentheyfeltdrowsy。

  “Butyou’llneverseeit!“heexclaimed;“becausewithallyourvirtuesyoudon’t,andyouneverwill,carewitheveryfibreofyourbeingforthepursuitoftruth!You’venorespectforfacts,Rachel;

  you’reessentiallyfeminine。“Shedidnottroubletodenyit,nordidshethinkgoodtoproducetheoneunanswerableargumentagainstthemeritswhichTerenceadmired。St。JohnHirstsaidthatshewasinlovewithhim;shewouldneverforgivethat;

  buttheargumentwasnotonetoappealtoaman。

  “ButIlikehim,“shesaid,andshethoughttoherselfthatshealsopitiedhim,asonepitiesthoseunfortunatepeoplewhoareoutsidethewarmmysteriousglobefullofchangesandmiraclesinwhichweourselvesmoveabout;shethoughtthatitmustbeverydulltobeSt。JohnHirst。

  Shesummedupwhatshefeltabouthimbysayingthatshewouldnotkisshimsupposinghewishedit,whichwasnotlikely。

  AsifsomeapologywereduetoHirstforthekisswhichshethenbestoweduponhim,Terenceprotested:

  “AndcomparedwithHirstI’maperfectZany。“

  Theclockherestrucktwelveinsteadofeleven。

  “We’rewastingthemorning——Ioughttobewritingmybook,andyououghttobeansweringthese。“

  “We’veonlygottwenty-onewholemorningsleft,“saidRachel。

  “Andmyfather’llbehereinadayortwo。“

  However,shedrewapenandpapertowardsherandbegantowritelaboriously,“MydearEvelyn——“

  Terence,meanwhile,readanovelwhichsomeoneelsehadwritten,aprocesswhichhefoundessentialtothecompositionofhisown。

  ForaconsiderabletimenothingwastobeheardbutthetickingoftheclockandthefitfulscratchofRachel’spen,assheproducedphraseswhichboreaconsiderablelikenesstothosewhichshehadcondemned。Shewasstruckbyitherself,forshestoppedwritingandlookedup;lookedatTerencedeepinthearm-chair,lookedatthedifferentpiecesoffurniture,atherbedinthecorner,atthewindow-panewhichshowedthebranchesofatreefilledinwithsky,heardtheclockticking,andwasamazedatthegulfwhichlaybetweenallthatandhersheetofpaper。Wouldthereeverbeatimewhentheworldwasoneandindivisible?EvenwithTerencehimself——howfaraparttheycouldbe,howlittlesheknewwhatwaspassinginhisbrainnow!Shethenfinishedhersentence,whichwasawkwardandugly,andstatedthattheywere“bothveryhappy,andgoingtobemarriedintheautumnprobablyandhopetoliveinLondon,wherewehopeyouwillcomeandseeuswhenwegetback。“

  Choosing“affectionately,“aftersomefurtherspeculation,ratherthansincerely,shesignedtheletterandwasdoggedlybeginningonanotherwhenTerenceremarked,quotingfromhisbook:

  “Listentothis,Rachel。’ItisprobablethatHugh’he’sthehero,aliteraryman,’hadnotrealisedatthetimeofhismarriage,anymorethantheyoungmanofpartsandimaginationusuallydoesrealise,thenatureofthegulfwhichseparatestheneedsanddesiresofthemalefromtheneedsanddesiresofthefemale……Atfirsttheyhadbeenveryhappy。ThewalkingtourinSwitzerlandhadbeenatimeofjollycompanionshipandstimulatingrevelationsforbothofthem。Bettyhadprovedherselftheidealcomrade……Theyhadshouted_Love__in__the__Valley_toeachotheracrossthesnowyslopesoftheRiffelhorn’andsoon,andsoon——I’llskipthedescriptions……’ButinLondon,aftertheboy’sbirth,allwaschanged。Bettywasanadmirablemother;butitdidnottakeherlongtofindoutthatmotherhood,asthatfunctionisunderstoodbythemotheroftheuppermiddleclasses,didnotabsorbthewholeofherenergies。Shewasyoungandstrong,withhealthylimbsandabodyandbrainthatcalledurgentlyforexercise……’Inshortshebegantogivetea-parties。……’CominginlatefromthissingulartalkwitholdBobMurphyinhissmoky,book-linedroom,wherethetwomenhadeachunloosenedhissoultotheother,withthesoundofthetraffichumminginhisears,andthefoggyLondonskyslungtragicallyacrosshismind……hefoundwomen’shatsdottedaboutamonghispapers。Women’swrapsandabsurdlittlefeminineshoesandumbrellaswereinthehall……Thenthebillsbegantocomein……Hetriedtospeakfranklytoher。Hefoundherlyingonthegreatpolar-bearskinintheirbedroom,half-undressed,fortheywerediningwiththeGreensinWiltonCrescent,theruddyfirelightmakingthediamondswinkandtwinkleonherbarearmsandinthedeliciouscurveofherbreast——

  avisionofadorablefemininity。Heforgaveherall。’Well,thisgoesfrombadtoworse,andfinallyaboutfiftypageslater,Hughtakesaweek-endtickettoSwanageand’hasitoutwithhimselfonthedownsaboveCorfe。’……Herethere’sfifteenpagesorsowhichwe’llskip。Theconclusionis……’Theyweredifferent。

  Perhaps,inthefarfuture,whengenerationsofmenhadstruggledandfailedashemustnowstruggleandfail,womanwouldbe,indeed,whatshenowmadeapretenceofbeing——thefriendandcompanion——

  nottheenemyandparasiteofman。’

  “Theendofitis,yousee,Hughwentbacktohiswife,poorfellow。

  Itwashisduty,asamarriedman。Lord,Rachel,“heconcluded,“willitbelikethatwhenwe’remarried?“

  Insteadofansweringhimsheasked,“Whydon’tpeoplewriteaboutthethingstheydofeel?“

  “Ah,that’sthedifficulty!“hesighed,tossingthebookaway。

  “Well,then,whatwillitbelikewhenwe’remarried?Whatarethethingspeopledofeel?“

  Sheseemeddoubtful。

  “Sitonthefloorandletmelookatyou,“hecommanded。

  Restingherchinonhisknee,shelookedstraightathim。

  Heexaminedhercuriously。

  “You’renotbeautiful,“hebegan,“butIlikeyourface。

  Ilikethewayyourhairgrowsdowninapoint,andyoureyestoo——

  theyneverseeanything。Yourmouth’stoobig,andyourcheekswouldbebetteriftheyhadmorecolourinthem。ButwhatIlikeaboutyourfaceisthatitmakesonewonderwhatthedevilyou’rethinkingabout——itmakesmewanttodothat——“Heclenchedhisfistandshookitsonearherthatshestartedback,“becausenowyoulookasifyou’dblowmybrainsout。Therearemoments,“hecontinued,“when,ifwestoodonarocktogether,you’dthrowmeintothesea。“

  Hypnotisedbytheforceofhiseyesinhers,sherepeated,“Ifwestoodonarocktogether——“

  Tobeflungintothesea,tobewashedhitherandthither,anddrivenabouttherootsoftheworld——theideawasincoherentlydelightful。

  Shesprangup,andbeganmovingabouttheroom,bendingandthrustingasidethechairsandtablesasifshewereindeedstrikingthroughthewaters。Hewatchedherwithpleasure;sheseemedtobecleavingapassageforherself,anddealingtriumphantlywiththeobstacleswhichwouldhindertheirpassagethroughlife。

  “Itdoesseempossible!“heexclaimed,“thoughI’vealwaysthoughtitthemostunlikelythingintheworld——Ishallbeinlovewithyouallmylife,andourmarriagewillbethemostexcitingthingthat’severbeendone!We’llneverhaveamoment’speace——“

  Hecaughtherinhisarmsasshepassedhim,andtheyfoughtformastery,imaginingarock,andtheseaheavingbeneaththem。

  Atlastshewasthrowntothefloor,whereshelaygasping,andcryingformercy。

  “I’mamermaid!Icanswim,“shecried,“sothegame’sup。“

  Herdresswastornacross,andpeacebeingestablished,shefetchedaneedleandthreadandbegantomendthetear。

  “Andnow,“shesaid,“bequietandtellmeabouttheworld;

  tellmeabouteverythingthat’severhappened,andI’lltellyou——

  letmesee,whatcanItellyou?——I’lltellyouaboutMissMontgomerieandtheriverparty。Shewasleft,yousee,withonefootintheboat,andtheotheronshore。“

  Theyhadspentmuchtimealreadyinthusfillingoutfortheotherthecourseoftheirpastlives,andthecharactersoftheirfriendsandrelations,sothatverysoonTerenceknewnotonlywhatRachel’sauntsmightbeexpectedtosayuponeveryoccasion,butalsohowtheirbedroomswerefurnished,andwhatkindofbonnetstheywore。

  HecouldsustainaconversationbetweenMrs。HuntandRachel,andcarryonatea-partyincludingtheRev。WilliamJohnsonandMissMacquoid,theChristianScientists,withremarkablelikenesstothetruth。

  Buthehadknownmanymorepeople,andwasfarmorehighlyskilledintheartofnarrativethanRachelwas,whoseexperienceswere,forthemostpart,ofacuriouslychildlikeandhumorouskind,sothatitgenerallyfelltoherlottolistenandaskquestions。

点击下载App,搜索"The Voyage Out",免费读到尾