第13章
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  athousandwordsandactionsbecameplaintoher。

  “Becausemenarebrutes!Ihatemen!“sheexclaimed。

  “Ithoughtyousaidyoulikedhim?“saidHelen。

  “Ilikedhim,andIlikedbeingkissed,“sheanswered,asifthatonlyaddedmoredifficultiestoherproblem。

  Helenwassurprisedtoseehowgenuinebothshockandproblemwere,butshecouldthinkofnowayofeasingthedifficultyexceptbygoingontalking。Shewantedtomakeherniecetalk,andsotounderstandwhythisratherdull,kindly,plausiblepoliticianhadmadesodeepanimpressiononher,forsurelyattheageoftwenty-fourthiswasnotnatural。

  “AnddidyoulikeMrs。Dallowaytoo?“sheasked。

  AsshespokeshesawRachelredden;forsherememberedsillythingsshehadsaid,andalso,itoccurredtoherthatshetreatedthisexquisitewomanratherbadly,forMrs。Dallowayhadsaidthatshelovedherhusband。

  “Shewasquitenice,butathimble-patedcreature,“Helencontinued。

  “Ineverheardsuchnonsense!Chitter-chatter-chitter-chatter——

  fishandtheGreekalphabet——neverlistenedtoawordanyonesaid——

  chock-fullofidiotictheoriesaboutthewaytobringupchildren——

  I’dfarrathertalktohimanyday。Hewaspompous,buthedidatleastunderstandwhatwassaidtohim。“

  TheglamourinsensiblyfadedalittlebothfromRichardandClarissa。

  Theyhadnotbeensowonderfulafterall,then,intheeyesofamatureperson。

  “It’sverydifficulttoknowwhatpeoplearelike,“Rachelremarked,andHelensawwithpleasurethatshespokemorenaturally。

  “IsupposeIwastakenin。“

  TherewaslittledoubtaboutthataccordingtoHelen,butsherestrainedherselfandsaidaloud:

  “Onehastomakeexperiments。“

  “Andthey_were_nice,“saidRachel。“Theywereextraordinarilyinteresting。“ShetriedtorecalltheimageoftheworldasalivethingthatRichardhadgivenher,withdrainslikenerves,andbadhouseslikepatchesofdiseasedskin。Sherecalledhiswatch-words——Unity——Imagination,andsawagainthebubblesmeetinginhertea-cupashespokeofsistersandcanaries,boyhoodandhisfather,hersmallworldbecomingwonderfullyenlarged。

  “Butallpeopledon’tseemtoyouequallyinteresting,dothey?“

  askedMrs。Ambrose。

  Rachelexplainedthatmostpeoplehadhithertobeensymbols;

  butthatwhentheytalkedtoonetheyceasedtobesymbols,andbecame——“Icouldlistentothemforever!“sheexclaimed。

  Shethenjumpedup,disappeareddownstairsforaminute,andcamebackwithafatredbook。

  “_Who’s__Who_,“shesaid,layingituponHelen’skneeandturningthepages。“Itgivesshortlivesofpeople——forinstance:

  ’SirRolandBeal;born1852;parentsfromMoffatt;educatedatRugby;

  passedfirstintoR。E。;married1878thedaughterofT。Fishwick;

  servedintheBechuanalandExpedition1884-85honourablymentioned。Clubs:

  UnitedService,NavalandMilitary。Recreations:anenthusiasticcurler。’“

  SittingonthedeckatHelen’sfeetshewentonturningthepagesandreadingbiographiesofbankers,writers,clergymen,sailors,surgeons,judges,professors,statesmen,editors,philanthropists,merchants,andactresses;whatclubstheybelongedto,wheretheylived,whatgamestheyplayed,andhowmanyacrestheyowned。

  Shebecameabsorbedinthebook。

  Helenmeanwhilestitchedatherembroideryandthoughtoverthethingstheyhadsaid。Herconclusionwasthatshewouldverymuchliketoshowherniece,ifitwerepossible,howtolive,orassheputit,howtobeareasonableperson。Shethoughtthattheremustbesomethingwronginthisconfusionbetweenpoliticsandkissingpoliticians,andthatanelderpersonoughttobeabletohelp。

  “Iquiteagree,“shesaid,“thatpeopleareveryinteresting;

  only——“Rachel,puttingherfingerbetweenthepages,lookedupenquiringly。

  “OnlyIthinkyououghttodiscriminate,“sheended。“It’sapitytobeintimatewithpeoplewhoare——well,rathersecond-rate,liketheDalloways,andtofinditoutlater。“

  “Buthowdoesoneknow?“Rachelasked。

  “Ireallycan’ttellyou,“repliedHelencandidly,afteramoment’sthought。“You’llhavetofindoutforyourself。Buttryand——

  Whydon’tyoucallmeHelen?“sheadded。“’Aunt’s’ahorridname。

  IneverlikedmyAunts。“

  “IshouldliketocallyouHelen,“Rachelanswered。

  “D’youthinkmeveryunsympathetic?“

  RachelreviewedthepointswhichHelenhadcertainlyfailedtounderstand;theyarosechieflyfromthedifferenceofnearlytwentyyearsinagebetweenthem,whichmadeMrs。Ambroseappeartoohumorousandcoolinamatterofsuchmoment。

  “No,“shesaid。“Somethingsyoudon’tunderstand,ofcourse。“

  “Ofcourse,“Helenagreed。“Sonowyoucangoaheadandbeapersononyourownaccount,“sheadded。

  Thevisionofherownpersonality,ofherselfasarealeverlastingthing,differentfromanythingelse,unmergeable,liketheseaorthewind,flashedintoRachel’smind,andshebecameprofoundlyexcitedatthethoughtofliving。

  “Icanbym-m-myself,“shestammered,“inspiteofyou,inspiteoftheDalloways,andMr。Pepper,andFather,andmyAunts,inspiteofthese?“Shesweptherhandacrossawholepageofstatesmenandsoldiers。

  “Inspiteofthemall,“saidHelengravely。Shethenputdownherneedle,andexplainedaplanwhichhadcomeintoherheadastheytalked。

  InsteadofwanderingondowntheAmazonsuntilshereachedsomesulphuroustropicalport,whereonehadtoliewithindoorsalldaybeatingoffinsectswithafan,thesensiblethingtodosurelywastospendtheseasonwiththemintheirvillabytheseaside,whereamongotheradvantagesMrs。Ambroseherselfwouldbeathandto——

  “Afterall,Rachel,“shebrokeoff,“it’ssillytopretendthatbecausethere’stwentyyears’differencebetweenuswethereforecan’ttalktoeachotherlikehumanbeings。“

  “No;becausewelikeeachother,“saidRachel。

  “Yes,“Mrs。Ambroseagreed。

  Thatfact,togetherwithotherfacts,hadbeenmadeclearbytheirtwentyminutes’talk,althoughhowtheyhadcometotheseconclusionstheycouldnothavesaid。

  Howevertheywerecomeby,theyweresufficientlyserioustosendMrs。Ambroseadayortwolaterinsearchofherbrother-in-law。Shefoundhimsittinginhisroomworking,applyingastoutbluepencilauthoritativelytobundlesoffilmypaper。Paperslaytoleftandtorightofhim,thereweregreatenvelopessogorgedwithpapersthattheyspiltpapersontothetable。Abovehimhungaphotographofawoman’shead。TheneedofsittingabsolutelystillbeforeaCockneyphotographerhadgivenherlipsaqueerlittlepucker,andhereyesforthesamereasonlookedasthoughshethoughtthewholesituationridiculous。Neverthelessitwastheheadofanindividualandinterestingwoman,whowouldnodoubthaveturnedandlaughedatWilloughbyifshecouldhavecaughthiseye;

  butwhenhelookedupatherhesighedprofoundly。Inhismindthisworkofhis,thegreatfactoriesatHullwhichshowedlikemountainsatnight,theshipsthatcrossedtheoceanpunctually,theschemesforcombiningthisandthatandbuildingupasolidmassofindustry,wasallanofferingtoher;helaidhissuccessatherfeet;andwasalwaysthinkinghowtoeducatehisdaughtersothatTheresamightbeglad。Hewasaveryambitiousman;

  andalthoughhehadnotbeenparticularlykindtoherwhileshelived,asHelenthought,henowbelievedthatshewatchedhimfromHeaven,andinspiredwhatwasgoodinhim。

  Mrs。Ambroseapologisedfortheinterruption,andaskedwhethershemightspeaktohimaboutaplanofhers。Wouldheconsenttoleavehisdaughterwiththemwhentheylanded,insteadoftakingheronuptheAmazons?

  “Wewouldtakegreatcareofher,“sheadded,“andweshouldreallylikeit。“

  Willoughbylookedverygraveandcarefullylaidasidehispapers。

  “She’sagoodgirl,“hesaidatlength。“Thereisalikeness?“——

  henoddedhisheadatthephotographofTheresaandsighed。HelenlookedatTheresapursingupherlipsbeforetheCockneyphotographer。

  Itsuggestedherinanabsurdhumanway,andshefeltanintensedesiretosharesomejoke。

  “She’stheonlythingthat’slefttome,“sighedWilloughby。

  “Wegoonyearafteryearwithouttalkingaboutthesethings——“

  Hebrokeoff。“Butit’sbetterso。Onlylife’sveryhard。“

  Helenwassorryforhim,andpattedhimontheshoulder,butshefeltuncomfortablewhenherbrother-in-lawexpressedhisfeelings,andtookrefugeinpraisingRachel,andexplainingwhyshethoughtherplanmightbeagoodone。

  “True,“saidWilloughbywhenshehaddone。“Thesocialconditionsareboundtobeprimitive。Ishouldbeoutagooddeal。Iagreedbecauseshewishedit。AndofcourseIhavecompleteconfidenceinyou……Yousee,Helen,“hecontinued,becomingconfidential,“Iwanttobringherupashermotherwouldhavewished。Idon’tholdwiththesemodernviews——anymorethanyoudo,eh?She’sanicequietgirl,devotedtohermusic——alittlelessof_that_woulddonoharm。Still,it’skeptherhappy,andweleadaveryquietlifeatRichmond。Ishouldlikehertobegintoseemorepeople。

  IwanttotakeheraboutwithmewhenIgethome。I’vehalfamindtorentahouseinLondon,leavingmysistersatRichmond,andtakehertoseeoneortwopeoplewho’dbekindtoherformysake。

  I’mbeginningtorealise,“hecontinued,stretchinghimselfout,“thatallthisistendingtoParliament,Helen。It’stheonlywaytogetthingsdoneasonewantsthemdone。ItalkedtoDallowayaboutit。Inthatcase,ofcourse,IshouldwantRacheltobeabletotakemorepartinthings。Acertainamountofentertainingwouldbenecessary——dinners,anoccasionaleveningparty。One’sconstituentsliketobefed,Ibelieve。InallthesewaysRachelcouldbeofgreathelptome。So,“hewoundup,“Ishouldbeveryglad,ifwearrangethisvisitwhichmustbeuponabusinessfooting,mind,ifyoucouldseeyourwaytohelpingmygirl,bringingherout——

  she’salittleshynow,——makingawomanofher,thekindofwomanhermotherwouldhavelikedhertobe,“heended,jerkinghisheadatthephotograph。

  Willoughby’sselfishness,thoughconsistentasHelensawwithrealaffectionforhisdaughter,madeherdeterminedtohavethegirltostaywithher,evenifshehadtopromiseacompletecourseofinstructioninthefemininegraces。Shecouldnothelplaughingatthenotionofit——RachelaToryhostess!——andmarvellingasshelefthimattheastonishingignoranceofafather。

  Rachel,whenconsulted,showedlessenthusiasmthanHelencouldhavewished。Onemomentshewaseager,thenextdoubtful。Visionsofagreatriver,nowblue,nowyellowinthetropicalsunandcrossedbybrightbirds,nowwhiteinthemoon,nowdeepinshadewithmovingtreesandcanoesslidingoutfromthetangledbanks,besether。

  Helenpromisedariver。Thenshedidnotwanttoleaveherfather。

  Thatfeelingseemedgenuinetoo,butintheendHelenprevailed,althoughwhenshehadwonhercaseshewasbesetbydoubts,andmorethanonceregrettedtheimpulsewhichhadentangledherwiththefortunesofanotherhumanbeing。

  Fromadistancethe_Euphrosyne_lookedverysmall。Glasseswereturneduponherfromthedecksofgreatliners,andshewaspronouncedatramp,acargo-boat,oroneofthosewretchedlittlepassengersteamerswherepeoplerolledaboutamongthecattleondeck。

  Theinsect-likefiguresofDalloways,Ambroses,andVinraceswerealsoderided,bothfromtheextremesmallnessoftheirpersonsandthedoubtwhichonlystrongglassescoulddispelastowhethertheywerereallylivecreaturesoronlylumpsontherigging。

  Mr。Pepperwithallhislearninghadbeenmistakenforacormorant,andthen,asunjustly,transformedintoacow。Atnight,indeed,whenthewaltzeswereswinginginthesaloon,andgiftedpassengersreciting,thelittleship——shrunktoafewbeadsoflightoutamongthedarkwaves,andonehighinairuponthemast-head——

  seemedsomethingmysteriousandimpressivetoheatedpartnersrestingfromthedance。Shebecameashippassinginthenight——

  anemblemofthelonelinessofhumanlife,anoccasionforqueerconfidencesandsuddenappealsforsympathy。

  Onandonshewent,bydayandbynight,followingherpath,untilonemorningbrokeandshowedtheland。Losingitsshadow-likeappearanceitbecamefirstcleftandmountainous,nextcolouredgreyandpurple,nextscatteredwithwhiteblockswhichgraduallyseparatedthemselves,andthen,astheprogressoftheshipactedupontheviewlikeafield-glassofincreasingpower,becamestreetsofhouses。Bynineo’clockthe_Euphrosyne_hadtakenupherpositioninthemiddleofagreatbay;shedroppedheranchor;immediately,asifshewerearecumbentgiantrequiringexamination,smallboatscameswarmingabouther。Sherangwithcries;menjumpedontoher;herdeckwasthumpedbyfeet。Thelonelylittleislandwasinvadedfromallquartersatonce,andafterfourweeksofsilenceitwasbewilderingtohearhumanspeech。Mrs。Ambrosealoneheedednoneofthisstir。

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