Distinguishedspeakerswereinviteddown，andverynearlycamebutnotquite。Subscriptionswereopened，andcommitteessat，anditwouldhavebeenfarfromapopularmeasureintheheightoftheexcitement，tohavetoldDullboroughthatitwasn’tStratford-upon-
Avon。Yet，afterallthesepreparations，whenthegreatfestivitytookplace，andtheportrait，elevatedaloft，surveyedthecompanyasifitwereindangerofspringingamineofintellectandblowingitselfup，itdidundoubtedlyhappen，accordingtotheinscrutablemysteriesofthings，thatnobodycouldbeinduced，nottosaytotouchuponShakespeare，buttocomewithinamileofhim，untilthecrackspeakerofDullboroughrosetoproposetheimmortalmemory。Whichhedidwiththeperplexingandastonishingresultthatbeforehehadrepeatedthegreatnamehalf-a-dozentimes，orhadbeenuponhislegsasmanyminutes，hewasassailedwithageneralshoutof’Question。’
’WithinsomanyyardsofthisCovent-gardenlodgingofmine，aswithinsomanyyardsofWestminsterAbbey，SaintPaul’sCathedral，theHousesofParliament，thePrisons，theCourtsofJustice，alltheInstitutionsthatgoverntheland，Icanfind-MUSTfind，whetherIwillorno-intheopenstreets，shamefulinstancesofneglectofchildren，intolerabletolerationoftheengendermentofpaupers，idlers，thieves，racesofwretchedanddestructivecripplesbothinbodyandmind，amiserytothemselves，amiserytothecommunity，adisgracetocivilisation，andanoutrageonChristianity-Iknowittobeafactaseasyofdemonstrationasanysuminanyoftheelementaryrulesofarithmetic，thatiftheStatewouldbeginitsworkanddutyatthebeginning，andwouldwiththestronghandtakethosechildrenoutofthestreets，whiletheyareyetchildren，andwiselytrainthem，itwouldmakethemapartofEngland’sglory，notitsshame-ofEngland’sstrength，notitsweakness-wouldraisegoodsoldiersandsailors，andgoodcitizens，andmanygreatmen，outoftheseedsofitscriminalpopulation。YetIgoonbearingwiththeenormityasifitwerenothing，andIgoonreadingtheParliamentaryDebatesasiftheyweresomething，andIconcernmyselffarmoreaboutonerailway-
bridgeacrossapublicthoroughfare，thanaboutadozengenerationsofscrofula，ignorance，wickedness，prostitution，poverty，andfelony。Icanslipoutatmydoor，inthesmallhoursafteranymidnight，and，inonecircuitofthepurlieusofCovent-gardenMarket，canbeholdastateofinfancyandyouth，asvileasifaBourbonsatupontheEnglishthrone；agreatpoliceforcelookingonwithauthoritytodonomorethanworryandhuntthedreadfulverminintocorners，andthereleavethem。WithinthelengthofafewstreetsIcanfindaworkhouse，mismanagedwiththatdullshort-sightedobstinacythatitsgreatestopportunitiesastothechildrenitreceivesarelost，andyetnotafarthingsavedtoanyone。Butthewheelgoesround，andround，andround；andbecauseitgoesround-soIamtoldbythepolitestauthorities-itgoeswell。’
ThusIreflected，onedayintheWhitsunweeklastpast，asI
floateddowntheThamesamongthebridges，looking-notinappropriately-atthedragsthatwerehangingupatcertaindirtystairstohookthedrownedout，andatthenumerousconveniencesprovidedtofacilitatetheirtumblingin。Myobjectinthatuncommercialjourneycalledupanothertrainofthought，anditranasfollows:
’WhenIwasatschool，oneofseventyboys，Iwonderbywhatsecretunderstandingourattentionbegantowanderwhenwehadporedoverourbooksforsomehours。Iwonderbywhatingenuitywebroughtonthatconfusedstateofmindwhensensebecamenonsense，whenfigureswouldn’twork，whendeadlanguageswouldn’tconstrue，whenlivelanguageswouldn’tbespoken，whenmemorywouldn’tcome，whendulnessandvacancywouldn’tgo。Icannotrememberthatweeverconspiredtobesleepyafterdinner，orthatweeverparticularlywantedtobestupid，andtohaveflushedfacesandhotbeatingheads，ortofindblankhopelessnessandobscuritythisafternooninwhatwouldbecomeperfectlyclearandbrightinthefreshnessofto-morrowmorning。Wesufferedforthesethings，andtheymadeusmiserableenough。NeitherdoIrememberthatweeverboundourselvesbyanysecretoathorothersolemnobligation，tofindtheseatsgettingtoohardtobesatuponafteracertaintime；ortohaveintolerabletwitchesinourlegs，renderingusaggressiveandmaliciouswiththosemembers；ortobetroubledwithasimilaruneasinessinourelbows，attendedwithfisticconsequencestoourneighbours；ortocarrytwopoundsofleadinthechest，fourpoundsinthehead，andseveralactiveblue-bottlesineachear。
Yet，forcertain，wesufferedunderthosedistresses，andwerealwayschargedatforlabouringunderthem，asifwehadbroughtthemon，ofourowndeliberateactanddeed。Astothementalportionofthembeingmyownfaultinmyowncase-Ishouldliketoaskanywell-trainedandexperiencedteacher，nottosaypsychologist。Andastothephysicalportion-IshouldliketoaskPROFESSOROWEN。’
IthappenedthatIhadasmallbundleofpaperswithme，onwhatiscalled’TheHalf-TimeSystem’inschools。ReferringtooneofthosepapersIfoundthattheindefatigableMR。CHADWICKhadbeenbeforehandwithme，andhadalreadyaskedProfessorOwen:whohadhandsomelyrepliedthatIwasnottoblame，butthat，beingtroubledwithaskeleton，andhavingbeenconstitutedaccordingtocertainnaturallaws，Iandmyskeletonwereunfortunatelyboundbythoselawseveninschool-andhadcomportedourselvesaccordingly。MuchcomfortedbythegoodProfessor’sbeingonmyside，IreadontodiscoverwhethertheindefatigableMr。Chadwickhadtakenupthementalpartofmyafflictions。Ifoundthathehad，andthathehadgainedonmybehalf，SIRBENJAMINBRODIE，SIR
DAVIDWILKIE，SIRWALTERSCOTT，andthecommonsenseofmankind。
ForwhichIbegMr。Chadwick，ifthisshouldmeethiseye，toacceptmywarmacknowledgments。
UptothattimeIhadretainedamisgivingthattheseventyunfortunatesofwhomIwasone，musthavebeen，withoutknowingit，leaguedtogetherbythespiritofevilinasortofperpetualGuyFawkesPlot，togropeaboutinvaultswithdarklanternsafteracertainperiodofcontinuousstudy。Butnowthemisgivingvanished，andIfloatedonwithaquietedmindtoseetheHalf-TimeSysteminaction。Forthatwasthepurposeofmyjourney，bothbysteamboatontheThames，andbyverydirtyrailwayontheshore。
Towhichlastinstitution，Ibegtorecommendthelegaluseofcokeasengine-fuel，ratherthantheillegaluseofcoal；therecommendationisquitedisinterested，forIwasmostliberallysuppliedwithsmallcoalonthejourney，forwhichnochargewasmade。Ihadnotonlymyeyes，nose，andearsfilled，butmyhat，andallmypockets，andmypocket-book，andmywatch。
TheV。D。S。C。R。C。orVeryDirtyandSmallCoalRailwayCompany
deliveredmeclosetomydestination，andIsoonfoundtheHalf-
TimeSystemestablishedinspaciouspremises，andfreelyplacedatmyconvenienceanddisposal。
WhatwouldIseefirstoftheHalf-TimeSystem？IchoseMilitaryDrill。’Atten-tion！’Instantlyahundredboysstoodforthinthepavedyardasoneboy；bright，quick，eager，steady，watchfulforthelookofcommand，instantandreadyfortheword。Notonlywastherecompleteprecision-completeaccordtotheeyeandtotheear-butanalertnessinthedoingofthethingwhichdeprivedit，curiously，ofitsmonotonousormechanicalcharacter。Therewasperfectuniformity，andyetanindividualspiritandemulation。Nospectatorcoulddoubtthattheboyslikedit。Withnon-
commissionedofficersvaryingfromayardtoayardandahalfhigh，theresultcouldnotpossiblyhavebeenattainedotherwise。
Theymarched，andcounter-marched，andformedinlineandsquare，andcompany，andsinglefileanddoublefile，andperformedavarietyofevolutions；allmostadmirably。Inrespectofanairofenjoyableunderstandingofwhattheywereabout，whichseemstobeforbiddentoEnglishsoldiers，theboysmighthavebeensmallFrenchtroops。Whentheyweredismissedandthebroadswordexercise，limitedtoamuchsmallernumber，succeeded，theboyswhohadnopartinthatnewdrill，eitherlookedonattentively，ordisportedthemselvesinagymnasiumhardby。Thesteadinessofthebroadswordboysontheirshortlegs，andthefirmnesswithwhichtheysustainedthedifferentpositions，wastrulyremarkable。
Thebroadswordexerciseover，suddenlytherewasgreatexcitementandarush。NavalDrill！
Inthecornerofthegroundstoodadeckedmimicship，withrealmasts，yards，andsails-mainmastseventyfeethigh。AtthewordofcommandfromtheSkipperofthisship-amahogany-facedOldSalt，withtheindispensablequidinhischeek，thetruenauticalroll，andallwonderfullycomplete-theriggingwascoveredwithaswarmofboys:one，thefirsttospringintotheshrouds，outstrippingalltheothers，andrestingonthetruckofthemain-
topmastinnotime。
Andnowwestoodouttosea，inamostamazingmanner；theSkipperhimself，thewholecrew，theUncommercial，andallhandspresent，implicitlybelievingthattherewasnotamomenttolose，thatthewindhadthatinstantchoppedroundandsprungupfair，andthatwewereawayonavoyageroundtheworld。Getallsailuponher！
Withawill，mylads！Layoutuponthemain-yardthere！Lookaliveattheweatherearring！Cheery，myboys！Letgothesheet，now！Standbyatthebraces，you！Withawill，aloftthere！
Belay，starboardwatch！Fifer！Comeaft，fifer，andgive’ematune！Forthwith，springsupfifer，fifeinhand-smallestboyeverseen-biglumpontemple，havinglatelyfallendownonapaving-stone-gives’ematunewithallhismightandmain。Hoo-
roar，fifer！Withawill，mylads！Tip’emalivelierone，fifer！
Fifertips’emalivelierone，andexcitementincreases。Shake’emout，mylads！Welldone！Thereyouhaveher！Pretty，pretty！
Everyraguponhershecancarry，windrightastarn，andshipcuttingthroughthewaterfifteenknotsanhour！
Atthisfavourablemomentofhervoyage，Igavethealarm’Amanoverboard！’onthegravel，buthewasimmediatelyrecovered，nonetheworse。Presently，IobservedtheSkipperoverboard，butforboretomentionit，asheseemedinnowisedisconcertedbytheaccident。Indeed，IsooncametoregardtheSkipperasanamphibiouscreature，forhewassoperpetuallyplungingoverboardtolookupatthehandsaloft，thathewasoftenerinthebosomoftheoceanthanondeck。Hisprideinhiscrewonthoseoccasionswasdelightful，andtheconventionalunintelligibilityofhisordersintheearsofuncommerciallandlubbersandloblollyboys，thoughtheywerealwaysintelligibletothecrew，washardlylesspleasant。Butwecouldn’texpecttogooninthiswayforever；