loveyouradorabledaughter，deeply，devotedly。’InlessbuoyantstatesofmindIhadbegun，’Bearwithme，DearMadam，bearwithadaringwretchwhoisabouttomakeasurprisingconfessiontoyou，whollyunanticipatedbyyourself，andwhichhebeseechesyoutocommittotheflamesassoonasyouhavebecomeawaretowhatatoweringheighthismadambitionsoars。’Atothertimes-periodsofprofoundmentaldepression，whenShehadgoneouttoballswhereIwasnot-thedrafttooktheaffectingformofapapertobeleftonmytableaftermydeparturetotheconfinesoftheglobe。Asthus:’ForMrs。Onowenever，theselineswhenthehandthattracesthemshallbefaraway。IcouldnotbearthedailytortureofhopelesslylovingthedearonewhomIwillnotname。BroilingonthecoastofAfrica，orcongealingontheshoresofGreenland，Iamfarfarbettertherethanhere。’Inthissentimentmycoolerjudgmentperceivesthatthefamilyofthebelovedobjectwouldhavemostcompletelyconcurred。’IfIeveremergefromobscurity，andmynameiseverheraldedbyFame，itwillbeforherdearsake。IfIeveramassGold，itwillbetopouritatherfeet。ShouldIontheotherhandbecomethepreyofRavens-’IdoubtifIeverquitemadeupmymindwhatwastobedoneinthataffectingcase；I
tried’thenitisbetterso；’butnotfeelingconvincedthatitwouldbebetterso，Ivacillatedbetweenleavingallelseblank，whichlookedexpressiveandbleak，orwindingupwith’Farewell！’
Thisfictitiouscorrespondenceofmineistoblamefortheforegoingdigression。Iwasabouttopursuethestatementthatonmytwenty-firstbirthdayIgaveaparty，andShewasthere。Itwasabeautifulparty。TherewasnotasingleanimateorinanimateobjectconnectedwithitexceptthecompanyandmyselfthatIhadeverseenbefore。Everythingwashired，andthemercenariesinattendancewereprofoundstrangerstome。Behindadoor，inthecrumbypartofthenightwhenwine-glassesweretobefoundinunexpectedspots，IspoketoHer-spokeouttoHer。Whatpassed，Icannotasamanofhonourreveal。Shewasallangelicalgentleness，butawordwasmentioned-ashortanddreadfulwordofthreeletters，beginningwithaB-which，asIremarkedatthemoment，’scorchedmybrain。’Shewentawaysoonafterwards，andwhenthehollowthrongthoughtobesureitwasnofaultoftheirsdispersed，Iissuedforth，withadissipatedscorner，and，asImentionedexpresslytohim，’soughtoblivion。’Itwasfound，withadreadfulheadacheinit，butitdidn’tlast；for，intheshaminglightofnextday’snoon，Iraisedmyheavyheadinbed，lookingbacktothebirthdaysbehindme，andtrackingthecirclebywhichIhadgotround，afterall，tothebitterpowderandthewretchednessagain。
ThisreactionarypowdertakensolargelybythehumanraceIaminclinedtoregarditastheUniversalMedicineoncesoughtforinLaboratoriesiscapableofbeingmadeupinanotherformforbirthdayuse。Anybody’slong-lostbrotherwilldoilltoturnuponabirthday。IfIhadalong-lostbrotherIshouldknowbeforehandthathewouldproveatremendousfraternalfailureifheappointedtorushintomyarmsonmybirthday。ThefirstMagicLanternIeversaw，wassecretlyandelaboratelyplannedtobethegreateffectofaveryjuvenilebirthday；butitwouldn’tact，anditsimagesweredim。MyexperienceofadultbirthdayMagicLanternsmaypossiblyhavebeenunfortunate，buthascertainlybeensimilar。Ihaveanillustrativebirthdayinmyeye:abirthdayofmyfriendFlipfield，whosebirthdayshadlongbeenremarkableassocialsuccesses。Therehadbeennothingsetorformalaboutthem；
Flipfieldhavingbeenaccustomedmerelytosay，twoorthreedaysbefore，’Don’tforgettocomeanddine，oldboy，accordingtocustom；’-Idon’tknowwhathesaidtotheladiesheinvited，butImaysafelyassumeitNOTtohavebeen’oldgirl。’Thoseweredelightfulgatherings，andwereenjoyedbyallparticipators。Inanevilhour，along-lostbrotherofFlipfield’scametolightinforeignparts。Wherehehadbeenhidden，orwhathehadbeendoing，Idon’tknow，forFlipfieldvaguelyinformedmethathehadturnedup’onthebanksoftheGanges’-speakingofhimasifhehadbeenwashedashore。TheLong-lostwascominghome，andFlipfieldmadeanunfortunatecalculation，basedonthewell-knownregularityoftheP。andO。Steamers，thatmattersmightbesocontrivedasthattheLong-lostshouldappearinthenickoftimeonhisFlipfield’sbirthday。DelicacycommandedthatIshouldrepressthegloomyanticipationswithwhichmysoulbecamefraughtwhenIheardofthisplan。Thefataldayarrived，andweassembledinforce。Mrs。Flipfieldseniorformedaninterestingfeatureinthegroup，withablue-veinedminiatureofthelateMr。Flipfieldroundherneck，inanoval，resemblingatartfromthepastrycook’s:hishairpowdered，andthebrightbuttonsonhiscoat，evidentlyverylike。ShewasaccompaniedbyMissFlipfield，theeldestofhernumerousfamily，whoheldherpocket-handkerchieftoherbosominamajesticmanner，andspoketoallofusnoneofushadeverseenherbefore，inpiousandcondoningtones，ofallthequarrelsthathadtakenplaceinthefamily，fromherinfancy-
whichmusthavebeenalongtimeago-downtothathour。TheLong-lostdidnotappear。Dinner，halfanhourlaterthanusual，wasannounced，andstillnoLong-lost。Wesatdowntotable。TheknifeandforkoftheLong-lostmadeavacuuminNature，andwhenthechampagnecameroundforthefirsttime，Flipfieldgavehimupfortheday，andhadthemremoved。ItwasthenthattheLong-lostgainedtheheightofhispopularitywiththecompany；formyownpart，IfeltconvincedthatIlovedhimdearly。Flipfield’sdinnersareperfect，andheistheeasiestandbestofentertainers。Dinnerwentonbrilliantly，andthemoretheLong-
lostdidn’tcome，themorecomfortablewegrew，andthemorehighlywethoughtofhim。Flipfield’sownmanwhohasaregardforme
wasintheactofstrugglingwithanignorantstipendiary，towrestfromhimthewoodenlegofaGuinea-fowlwhichhewaspressingonmyacceptance，andtosubstituteasliceofthebreast，whenaringingatthedoor-bellsuspendedthestrife。Ilookedroundme，andperceivedthesuddenpallorwhichIknewmyownvisagerevealed，reflectedinthefacesofthecompany。Flipfieldhurriedlyexcusedhimself，wentout，wasabsentforaboutaminuteortwo，andthenre-enteredwiththeLong-lost。
IbegtosaydistinctlythatifthestrangerhadbroughtMontBlancwithhim，orhadcomeattendedbyaretinueofeternalsnows，hecouldnothavechilledthecircletothemarrowinamoreefficientmanner。EmbodiedFailuresatenthronedupontheLong-lost’sbrow，andpervadedhimtohisLong-lostboots。InvainMrs。Flipfieldsenior，openingherarms，exclaimed，’MyTom！’andpressedhisnoseagainstthecounterfeitpresentmentofhisotherparent。InvainMissFlipfield，inthefirsttransportsofthisre-union，showedhimadintuponhermaidenlycheek，andaskedhimifherememberedwhenhedidthatwiththebellows？We，thebystanders，wereovercome，butovercomebythepalpable，undisguisable，utter，andtotalbreak-downoftheLong-lost。NothinghecouldhavedonewouldhavesethimrightwithusbuthisinstantreturntotheGanges。Intheverysamemomentsitbecameestablishedthatthefeelingwasreciprocal，andthattheLong-lostdetestedus。Whenafriendofthefamilynotmyself，uponmyhonour，wishingtosetthingsgoingagain，askedhim，whilehepartookofsoup-askedhimwithanamiabilityofintentionbeyondallpraise，butwithaweaknessofexecutionopentodefeat-whatkindofriverheconsideredtheGanges，theLong-lost，scowlingatthefriendofthefamilyoverhisspoon，asoneofanabhorrentrace，replied，’Why，ariverofwater，Isuppose，’andspoonedhissoupintohimselfwithamalignancyofhandandeyethatblightedtheamiablequestioner。NotanopinioncouldbeelicitedfromtheLong-lost，inunisonwiththesentimentsofanyindividualpresent。HecontradictedFlipfielddead，beforehehadeatenhissalmon。Hehadnoidea-oraffectedtohavenoidea-thatitwashisbrother’sbirthday，andonthecommunicationofthatinterestingfacttohim，merelywantedtomakehimoutfouryearsolderthanhewas。Hewasanantipatheticalbeing，withapeculiarpowerandgiftoftreadingoneverybody’stenderestplace。TheytalkinAmericaofaman’s’Platform。’IshoulddescribethePlatformoftheLong-lostasaPlatformcomposedofotherpeople’scorns，onwhichhehadstumpedhisway，withallhismightandmain，tohispresentposition。ItisneedlesstoaddthatFlipfield’sgreatbirthdaywentbytheboard，andthathewasawreckwhenI
pretendedatpartingtowishhimmanyhappyreturnsofit。
ThereisanotherclassofbirthdaysatwhichIhavesofrequentlyassisted，thatImayassumesuchbirthdaystobeprettywellknowntothehumanrace。MyfriendMayday’sbirthdayisanexample。Theguestshavenoknowledgeofoneanotherexceptonthatonedayintheyear，andareannuallyterrifiedforaweekbytheprospectofmeetingoneanotheragain。Thereisafictionamongusthatwehaveuncommonreasonsforbeingparticularlylivelyandspiritedontheoccasion，whereasdeepdespondencyisnophrasefortheexpressionofourfeelings。Butthewonderfulfeatureofthecaseis，thatweareintacitaccordancetoavoidthesubject-tokeepitasfaroffaspossible，aslongaspossible-andtotalkaboutanythingelse，ratherthanthejoyfulevent。ImayevengosofarastoassertthatthereisadumbcompactamongusthatwewillpretendthatitisNOTMayday’sbirthday。AmysteriousandgloomyBeing，whoissaidtohavegonetoschoolwithMayday，andwhoissolankandleanthatheseriouslyimpugnstheDietaryoftheestablishmentatwhichtheywerejointlyeducated，alwaysleadsus，asImaysay，totheblock，bylayinghisgrislyhandonadecanterandbeggingustofillourglasses。ThedevicesandpretencesthatIhaveseenputinpracticetodeferthefatalmoment，andtointerposebetweenthismanandhispurpose，areinnumerable。I
haveknowndesperateguests，whentheysawthegrislyhandapproachingthedecanter，wildlytobegin，withoutanyantecedentwhatsoever，’Thatremindsme-’andtoplungeintolongstories。
Whenatlastthehandandthedecantercometogether，ashudder，apalpableperceptibleshudder，goesroundthetable。WereceivethereminderthatitisMayday’sbirthday，asifitweretheanniversaryofsomeprofounddisgracehehadundergone，andwesoughttocomforthim。AndwhenwehavedrunkMayday’shealth，andwishedhimmanyhappyreturns，weareseizedforsomemomentswithaghastlyblitheness，anunnaturallevity，asifwewereinthefirstflushedreactionofhavingundergoneasurgicaloperation。
Birthdaysofthisspecieshaveapublicaswellasaprivatephase。
My’boyhood’shome，’Dullborough，presentsacaseinpoint。AnImmortalSomebodywaswantedinDullborough，todimpleforadaythestagnantfaceofthewaters；hewasratherwantedbyDullboroughgenerally，andmuchwantedbytheprincipalhotel-
keeper。TheCountyhistorywaslookedupforalocallyImmortalSomebody，buttheregisteredDullboroughworthieswereallNobodies。Inthisstateofthings，itishardlynecessarytorecordthatDullboroughdidwhateverymandoeswhenhewantstowriteabookordeliveralecture，andisprovidedwithallthematerialsexceptasubject。ItfellbackuponShakespeare。
NosoonerwasitresolvedtocelebrateShakespeare’sbirthdayinDullborough，thanthepopularityoftheimmortalbardbecamesurprising。Youmighthavesupposedthefirsteditionofhisworkstohavebeenpublishedlastweek，andenthusiasticDullboroughtohavegothalfthroughthem。Idoubt，bytheway，whetherithadeverdonehalfthat，butthatisaprivateopinion。Ayounggentlemanwithasonnet，theretentionofwhichfortwoyearshadenfeebledhismindandunderminedhisknees，gotthesonnetintotheDullboroughWarden，andgainedflesh。PortraitsofShakespearebrokeoutinthebookshopwindows，andourprincipalartistpaintedalargeoriginalportraitinoilsforthedecorationofthedining-
room。ItwasnotintheleastlikeanyoftheotherPortraits，andwasexceedinglyadmired，theheadbeingmuchswollen。AttheInstitution，theDebatingSocietydiscussedthenewquestion，WastheresufficientgroundforsupposingthattheImmortalShakespeareeverstoledeer？Thiswasindignantlydecidedbyanoverwhelmingmajorityinthenegative；indeed，therewasbutonevoteonthePoachingside，andthatwasthevoteoftheoratorwhohadundertakentoadvocateit，andwhobecamequiteanobnoxiouscharacter-particularlytotheDullborough’roughs，’whowereaboutaswellinformedonthematterasmostotherpeople。