第40章
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  wasnosoonersaidbutIsteppedintotheshop,andwithmy

  backtothewench,asifIhadstoodupforacartthatwas

  goingby,Iputmyhandbehindmeandtookthebundle,and

  wentoffwithit,themaidorthefellownotperceivingme,or

  anyoneelse。

  Itisimpossibletoexpressthehorrorofmysoulalthewhile

  Ididit。

  WhenIwentawayIhadnohearttorun,orscarceto

  mendmypace。

  Icrossedthestreetindeed,andwentdown

  thefirstturningIcameto,andIthinkitwasastreetthatwent

  throughintoFenchurchStreet。

  FromthenceIcrossedand

  turnedthroughsomanywaysanturnings,thatIcouldnever

  tellwhichwayitwas,notwhereIwent;forIfeltnotthe

  groundIsteppedon,andthefartherIwasoutofdanger,the

  fasterIwent,till,tiredandoutofbreath,Iwasforcedtosit

  downonalittlebenchatadoor,andthenIbegantorecover,

  andfoundIwasgotintoThamesStreet,nearBillingsgate。

  I

  restedmealittleandwenton;mybloodwasallinafire;my

  heartbeatasifIwasinasuddenfright。

  Inshort,Iwasunder

  suchasurprisethatIstillknewnotwitherIwasgoing,or

  whattodo。

  AfterIhadtiredmyselfthuswithwalkingalongwayabout,

  andsoeagerly,Ibegantoconsiderandmakehometomy

  lodging,whereIcameaboutnineo’clockatnight。

  Whenthebundlewasmadeupfor,oronwhatoccasionlaid

  whereIfoundit,Iknewnot,butwhenIcametoopenitI

  foundtherewasasuitofchildbed-lineninit,verygoodand

  almostnew,thelaceveryfine;therewasasilverporringerof

  apint,asmallsilvermugandsixspoons,withsomeother

  linen,agoodsmock,andthreesilkhandkerchiefs,andinthe

  mug,wrappedupinapaper,18s。6d。inmoney。

  AllthewhileIwasopeningthesethingsIwasundersuch

  dreadfulimpressionsoffear,andIsuchterrorofmind,though

  Iwasperfectlysafe,thatIcannotexpressthemannerofit。

  I

  satmedown,andcriedmostvehemently。

  ’Lord,’saidI,’what

  amInow?athief!

  Why,Ishallbetakenexttime,andbe

  carriedtoNewgateandbetriedformylife!’

  AndwiththatI

  criedagainalongtime,andIamsure,aspoorasIwas,ifI

  haddurstforfear,Iwouldcertainlyhavecarriedthethings

  backagain;butthatwentoffafterawhile。

  Well,Iwentto

  bedforthatnight,butsleptlittle;thehorrorofthefactwas

  uponmymind,andIknewnotwhatIsaidordidallnight,

  andallthenextday。

  ThenIwasimpatienttohearsomenews

  oftheloss;andwouldfainknowhowitwas,whetherthey

  wereapoorbody’sgoods,orarich。

  ’Perhaps,’saidI,’it

  maybesomepoorwidowlikeme,thathadpackedupthese

  goodstogoandsellthemforalittlebreadforherselfanda

  poorchild,andarenowstarvingandbreakingtheirheartsfor

  wantofthatlittletheywouldhavefetched。’

  Andthisthought

  tormentedmeworsethanalltherest,forthreeorfourdays’

  time。

  Butmyowndistressessilencedallthesereflections,andthe

  prospectofmyownstarving,whichgreweverydaymore

  frightfultome,hardenedmyheartbydegrees。

  Itwasthen

  particularlyheavyuponmymind,thatIhadbeenreformed,

  andhad,asIhoped,repentedofallmypastwickedness;that

  Ihadlivedasober,grave,retiredlifeforseveralyears,butnow

  Ishouldbedrivenbythedreadfulnecessityofmycircumstances

  tothegatesofdestruction,soulandbody;andtwoorthree

  timesIfelluponmyknees,prayingtoGod,aswellasIcould,

  fordeliverance;butIcannotbutsay,myprayershadnohope

  inthem。

  Iknewnotwhattodo;itwasallfearwithout,and

  darkwithin;andIreflectedonmypastlifeasnotsincerely

  repentedof,thatHeavenwasnowbeginningtopunishmeon

  thissidethegrave,andwouldmakemeasmiserableasIhad

  beenwicked。

  HadIgoneonhereIhadperhapsbeenatruepenitent;butI

  hadanevilcounsellorwithin,andhewascontinuallyprompting

  metorelievemyselfbytheworstmeans;sooneeveninghe

  temptedmeagain,bythesamewickedimpulsethathadsaid

  ’Takethatbundle,’togooutagainandseekforwhatmight

  happen。

  Iwentoutnowbydaylight,andwanderedaboutIknewnot

  whither,andinsearchofIknewnotwhat,whenthedevilput

  asnareinmywayofadreadfulnatureindeed,andsuchaone

  asIhaveneverhadbeforeorsince。

  GoingthroughAldersgate

  Street,therewasaprettylittlechildwhohadbeenatadancing-

  school,andwasgoinghome,allalone;andmyprompter,like

  atruedevil,setmeuponthisinnocentcreature。

  Italkedtoit,

  anditprattledtomeagain,andItookitbythehandandled

  italongtillIcametoapavedalleythatgoesintoBartholomew

  Close,andIleditinthere。

  Thechildsaidthatwasnotitsway

  home。

  Isaid,’Yes,mydear,itis;I’llshowyouthewayhome。’

  Thechildhadalittlenecklaceonofgoldbeads,andIhadmy

  eyeuponthat,andinthedarkofthealleyIstooped,pretending

  tomendthechild’sclogthatwasloose,andtookoffher

  necklace,andthechildneverfeltit,andsoledthechildon

  again。

  Here,Isay,thedevilputmeuponkillingthechildin

  thedarkalley,thatitmightnotcry,buttheverythought

  frightedmesothatIwasreadytodropdown;butIturnedthe

  childaboutandbadeitgobackagain,forthatwasnotitsway

  home。

  Thechildsaid,soshewould,andIwentthroughinto

  BartholomewClose,andthenturnedroundtoanotherpassage

  thatgoesintoSt。JohnStreet;then,crossingintoSmithfield,

  wentdownChickLaneandintoFieldLanetoHolbornBridge,

  when,mixingwiththecrowdofpeopleusuallypassingthere,

  itwasnotpossibletohavebeenfoundout;andthusI

  enterprisedmysecondsallyintotheworld。

  Thethoughtsofthisbootyputoutallthethoughtsofthefirst,

  andthereflectionsIhadmadeworequicklyoff;poverty,asI

  havesaid,hardenedmyheart,andmyownnecessitiesmade

  meregardlessofanything。

  Thelastaffairleftnogreatconcern

  uponme,forasIdidthepoorchildnoharm,Ionlysaidto

  myself,Ihadgiventheparentsajustreprooffortheirnegligence

  inleavingthepoorlittlelambtocomehomebyitself,andit

  wouldteachthemtotakemorecareofitanothertime。

  Thisstringofbeadswasworthabouttwelveorfourteenpounds。

  Isupposeitmighthavebeenformerlythemother’s,foritwas

  toobigforthechild’swear,butthatperhapsthevanityofthe

  mother,tohaveherchildlookfineatthedancing-school,had

  madeherletthechildwearit;andnodoubtthechildhada

  maidsenttotakecareofit,butshe,carelessjade,wastaken

  upperhapswithsomefellowthathadmetherbytheway,

  andsothepoorbabywanderedtillitfellintomyhands。

  However,Ididthechildnoharm;Ididnotsomuchasfright

  it,forIhadagreatmanytenderthoughtsaboutmeyet,and

  didnothingbutwhat,asImaysay,merenecessitydrovemeto。

  Ihadagreatmanyadventuresafterthis,butIwasyoungin

  thebusiness,anddidnotknowhowtomanage,otherwisethan

  asthedevilputthingsintomyhead;andindeedhewasseldom

  backwardtome。

  OneadventureIhadwhichwasverylucky

  tome。

  IwasgoingthroughLombardStreetintheduckofthe

  evening,justbytheendofThreeKingcourt,whenonasudden

  comesafellowrunningbymeasswiftaslightning,andthrows

  abundlethatwasinhishand,justbehindme,asIstoodup

  againstthecornerofthehouseattheturningintothealley。

  Justashethrewitinhesaid,’Godblessyou,mistress,letit

  lietherealittle,’andawayherunsswiftasthewind。

  After

  himcomestwomore,andimmediatelyayoungfellowwithout

  hishat,crying’Stopthief!’andafterhimtwoorthreemore。

  Theypursuedthetwolastfellowssoclose,thattheywere

  forcedtodropwhattheyhadgot,andoneofthemwastaken

  intothebargain,andothergotofffree。

  Istoodstock-stillallthiswhile,tilltheycameback,dragging

  thepoorfellowtheyhadtaken,andluggingthethingsthey

  hadfound,extremelywellsatisfiedthattheyhadrecovered

  thebootyandtakenthethief;andthustheypassedbyme,for

  Ilookedonlylikeonewhostoodupwhilethecrowdwasgone。

  OnceortwiceIaskedwhatwasthematter,butthepeople

  neglectedansweringme,andIwasnotveryimportunate;but

  afterthecrowdwaswhollypast,Itookmyopportunitytoturn

  aboutandtakeupwhatwasbehindmeandwalkaway。

  This,

  indeed,IdidwithlessdisturbancethanIhaddoneformerly,

  forthesethingsIdidnotsteal,buttheywerestolentomyhand。

  Igotsafetomylodgingswiththiscargo,whichwasapieceof

  fineblacklustringsilk,andapieceofvelvet;thelatterwasbut

  partofapieceofaboutelevenyards;theformerwasawhole

  pieceofnearfiftyyards。

  Itseemsitwasamercer’sshopthat

  theyhadrifled。

  Isayrifled,becausethegoodswereso

  considerablethattheyhadlost;forthegoodsthatthey

  recoveredwereprettymany,andIbelievecametoaboutsix

  orsevenseveralpiecesofsilk。

  Howtheycametogetsomany

  Icouldnottell;butasIhadonlyrobbedthethief,Imadeno

  scrupleattakingthesegoods,andbeingverygladofthemtoo。

  Ihadprettygoodluckthusfar,andImadeseveraladventures

  more,thoughwithbutsmallpurchase,yetwithgoodsuccess,

  butIwentindailydreadthatsomemischiefwouldbefallme,

  andthatIshouldcertainlycometobehangedatlast。

  The

  impressionthismadeonmewastoostrongtobeslighted,and

  itkeptmefrommakingattemptsthat,foroughtIknew,might

  havebeenverysafelyperformed;butonethingIcannotomit,

  whichwasabaittomemanyaday。

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