awoman,because’tisevidentmencanbetheirownadvisers,
andtheirowndirectors,andknowhowtoworkthemselves
outofdifficultiesandintobusinessbetterthanwomen;butif
awomanhasnofriendtocommunicateheraffairsto,andto
adviseandassisther,’tistentoonebutsheisundone;nay,
andthemoremoneyshehas,themoredangersheisinofbeing
wrongedanddeceived;andthiswasmycaseintheaffairof
thewhichIleftinthehandsofthegoldsmith,asabove,
whosecredit,itseems,wasupontheebbbefore,butI,that
hadnoknowledgeofthingsandnobodytoconsultwith,knew
nothingofit,andsolostmymoney。
Inthenextplace,whenawomanisthusleftdesolateandvoid
ofcounsel,sheisjustlikeabagofmoneyorajeweldropped
onthehighway,whichisapreytothenextcomer;ifamanof
virtueanduprightprincipleshappenstofindit,hewillhaveit
cried,andtheownermaycometohearofitagain;buthow
manytimesshallsuchathingfallintohandsthatwillmakeno
scrupleofseizingitfortheirown,tooncethatitshallcome
intogoodhands?
Thiswasevidentlymycase,forIwasnowaloose,unguided
creature,andhadnohelp,noassistance,noguideformy
conduct;IknewwhatIaimedatandwhatIwanted,butknew
nothinghowtopursuetheendbydirectmeans。
Iwantedto
beplacedinasettlestateofliving,andhadIhappenedtomeet
withasober,goodhusband,Ishouldhavebeenasfaithfuland
trueawifetohimasvirtueitselfcouldhaveformed。
IfIhad
beenotherwise,thevicecameinalwaysatthedoorofnecessity,
notatthedoorofinclination;andIunderstoodtoowell,by
thewantofit,whatthevalueofasettledlifewas,todo
anythingtoforfeitthefelicityofit;nay,Ishouldhavemade
thebetterwifeforallthedifficultiesIhadpassedthrough,by
agreatdeal;nordidIinanyofthetimethatIhadbeenawife
givemyhusbandstheleastuneasinessonaccountofmy
behaviour。
Butallthiswasnothing;Ifoundnoencouragingprospect。
I
waited;Ilivedregularly,andwithasmuchfrugalityasbecame
mycircumstances,butnothingoffered,nothingpresented,and
themainstockwastedapace。
WhattodoIknewnot;the
terrorofapproachingpovertylayharduponmyspirits。
Ihad
somemoney,butwheretoplaceitIknewnot,norwouldthe
interestofitmaintainme,atleastnotinLondon。
Atlengthanewsceneopened。
Therewasinthehousewhere
Ilodgedanorth-countrywomanthatwentforagentlewoman,
andnothingwasmorefrequentinherdiscoursethanheraccount
ofthecheapnessofprovisions,andtheeasywayoflivingin
hercountry;howplentifulandhowcheapeverythingwas,what
goodcompanytheykept,andthelike;tillatlastItoldhershe
almosttemptedmetogoandliveinhercountry;forIthat
wasawidow,thoughIhadsufficienttoliveon,yethadno
wayofincreasingit;andthatIfoundIcouldnotlivehere
under#100ayear,unlessIkeptnocompany,noservant,made
noappearance,andburiedmyselfinprivacy,asifIwasobliged
toitbynecessity。
Ishouldhaveobserved,thatshewasalwaysmadetobelieve,
aseverybodyelsewas,thatIwasagreatfortune,oratleast
thatIhadthreeorfourthousandpounds,ifnotmore,andall
inmyownhands;andshewasmightysweetuponmewhen
shethoughtmeinclinedintheleasttogointohercountry。
ShesaidshehadasisterlivednearLiverpool,thatherbrother
wasaconsiderablegentlemanthere,andhadagreatestate
alsoinIreland;thatshewouldgodownthereinabouttwo
months,andifIwouldgivehermycompanythither,Ishould
beaswelcomeasherselfforamonthormoreasIpleased,
tillIshouldseehowIlikedthecountry;andifIthoughtfitto
livethere,shewouldundertaketheywouldtakecare,though
theydidnotentertainlodgersthemselves,theywouldrecommend
metosomeagreeablefamily,whereIshouldbeplacedtomy
content。
Ifthiswomanhadknownmyrealcircumstances,shewould
neverhavelaidsomanysnares,andtakensomanywearysteps
tocatchapoordesolatecreaturethatwasgoodforlittlewhen
itwascaught;andindeedI,whosecasewasalmostdesperate,
andthoughtIcouldnotbemuchworse,wasnotveryanxious
aboutwhatmightbefallme,providedtheydidmenopersonal
injury;soIsufferedmyself,thoughnotwithoutagreatdeal
ofinvitationandgreatprofessionsofsincerefriendshipand
realkindness——Isay,Isufferedmyselftobeprevaileduponto
gowithher,andaccordinglyIpackedupmybaggage,andput
myselfinapostureforajourney,thoughIdidnotabsolutely
knowwhitherIwastogo。
AndnowIfoundmyselfingreatdistress;whatlittleIhad
intheworldwasallinmoney,exceptasbefore,alittleplate,
somelinen,andmyclothes;asformyhouseholdstuff,Ihad
littleornone,forIhadlivedalwaysinlodgings;butIhadnot
onefriendintheworldwithwhomtotrustthatlittleIhad,or
todirectmehowtodisposeofit,andthisperplexedmenight
andday。
Ithoughtofthebank,andoftheothercompaniesin
London,butIhadnofriendtocommitthemanagementofit
to,andkeepandcarryaboutwithmebankbills,tallies,orders,
andsuchthings,Ilookeduponatasunsafe;thatiftheywere
lost,mymoneywaslost,andthenIwasundone;and,onthe
otherhand,Imightberobbedandperhapsmurderedinastrange
placeforthem。
Thisperplexedmestrangely,andwhattodoI
knewnot。
ItcameinmythoughtsonemorningthatIwouldgotothe
bankmyself,whereIhadoftenbeentoreceivetheinterestof
somebillsIhad,whichhadinterestpayableonthem,andwhere
Ihadfoundaclerk,towhomIappliedmyself,veryhonestand
justtome,andparticularlysofaironetimethatwhenIhad
mistoldmymoney,andtakenlessthanmydue,andwascoming
away,hesetmetorightsandgavemetherest,whichhemight
haveputintohisownpocket。
Iwenttohimandrepresentedmycaseveryplainly,andasked
ifhewouldtroublehimselftobemyadviser,whowasapoor
friendlesswidow,andknewnotwhattodo。
Hetoldme,if
Idesiredhisopinionofanythingwithinthereachofhisbusiness,
hewoulddohisendeavourthatIshouldnotbewronged,but
thathewouldalsohelpmetoagoodsoberpersonwhowas
agravemanofhisacquaintance,whowasaclerkinsuch
businesstoo,thoughnotintheirhouse,whosejudgmentwas
good,andwhosehonestyImightdependupon。
’For,’added
he,’Iwillanswerforhim,andforeverystephetakes;ifhe
wrongsyou,madam,ofonefarthing,itshalllieatmydoor,I
willmakeitgood;andhedelightstoassistpeopleinsuch
cases——hedoesitasanactofcharity。’
Iwasalittleatastandinthisdiscourse;butaftersomepause
ItoldhimIhadratherhavedependeduponhim,becauseIhad
foundhimhonest,butifthatcouldnotbe,Iwouldtakehis
recommendationsoonerthananyone’selse。
’Idaresay,
madam,’sayshe,’thatyouwillbeaswellsatisfiedwithmy
friendaswithme,andheisthoroughlyabletoassistyou,
whichIamnot。’
Itseemshehadhishandsfullofthebusiness
ofthebank,andhadengagedtomeddlewithnootherbusiness
thatthatofhisoffice,whichIheardafterwards,butdidnot
understandthen。
Headded,thathisfriendshouldtakenothing
ofmeforhisadviceorassistance,andthisindeedencouraged
meverymuch。
Heappointedthesameevening,afterthebankwasshutand
businessover,formetomeethimandhisfriend。
Andindeed
assoonasIsawhisfriend,andhebeganbuttotalkofthe
affair,IwasfullysatisfiedthatIhadaveryhonestmantodeal
with;hiscountenancespokeit,andhischaracter,asIheard
afterwards,waseverywheresogood,thatIhadnoroomfor
anymore
doubtsuponme。
Afterthefirstmeeting,inwhichIonlysaidwhatIhadsaid
before,weparted,andheappointedmetocomethenextday
tohim,tellingmeImightinthemeantimesatisfymyselfof
himbyinquiry,which,however,Iknewnothowwelltodo,
havingnoacquaintancemyself。
AccordinglyImethimthenextday,whenIenteredmore
freelywithhimintomycase。
Itoldhimmycircumstancesat
large:
thatIwasawidowcomeoverfromAmerican,perfectly
desolateandfriendless;thatIhadalittlemoney,andbuta
little,andwasalmostdistractedforfearoflosingit,havingno
friendintheworldtotrustwiththemanagementofit;thatI
wasgoingintothenorthofEnglandtolivecheap,thatmy
stockmightnotwaste;thatIwouldwillinglylodgemymoney
inthebank,butthatIdurstnotcarrythebillsaboutme,and
thelike,asabove;andhowtocorrespondaboutit,orwith
whom,Iknewnot。
HetoldmeImightlodgethemoneyinthebankasanaccount,
anditsbeingenteredintothebookswouldentitlemetothe
moneyatanytime,andifIwasinthenorthImightdrawbills
onthecashierandreceiveitwhenIwould;butthatthenit
wouldbeesteemedasrunningcash,andthebankwouldgive
nointerestforit;thatImightbuystockwithit,andsoitwould
lieinstoreforme,butthatthenifIwantedtodisposeifit,I
mustcomeuptotownonpurposetotransferit,andevenit
wouldbewithsomedifficultyIshouldreceivethehalf-yearly
dividend,unlessIwashereinperson,orhadsomefriendI
couldtrustwithhavingthestockinhimnametodoitforme,
andthatwouldhavethesamedifficultyinitasbefore;and
withthathelookedhardatmeandsmiledalittle。
Atlast,says
he,’Whydoyounotgetaheadsteward,madam,thatmaytake
youandyourmoneytogetherintokeeping,andthenyouwould
havethetroubletakenoffyourhands?’
’Ay,sir,andthemoney
too,itmaybe,’saidI;’fortrulyIfindthehazardthatwayisas
muchas’tist’otherway’;butIrememberIsaidsecretlytomyself,
’Iwishyouwouldaskmethequestionfairly,Iwouldconsider
veryseriouslyonitbeforeIsaidNo。’
Hewentonagoodwaywithme,andIthoughtonceortwice
hewasinearnest,buttomyrealaffliction,Ifoundatlasthe
hadawife;butwhenheownedhehadawifeheshookhishead,
andsaidwithsomeconcern,thatindeedhehadawife,andno
wife。
Ibegantothinkhehadbeenintheconditionofmylate
lover,andthathiswifehadbeendistemperedorlunatic,or
somesuchthing。
However,wehadnotmuchmorediscourse
atthattime,buthetoldmehewasintoomuchhurryof
businessthen,butthatifIwouldcomehometohishouseafter
theirbusinesswasover,hewouldbythattimeconsiderwhat
mightbedoneforme,toputmyaffairsinapostureofsecurity。
ItoldhimIwouldcome,anddesiredtoknowwherehelived。
Hegavemeadirectioninwriting,andwhenhegaveitmehe
readittome,andsaid,’There’tis,madam,ifyoudaretrust
yourselfwithme。’