第129章
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  Howmuchandhowdidheproposetopayforthiscountryresidence?

  AsperprospectusoftheIndustriousForeignAcclimatisedNationalisedFriendlyStateaidedBuildingSocietyincorporated1874,amaximumof#60perannum,being116thofanassuredincome,derivedfromgiltedgedsecurities,representingat5%simpleinterestoncapitalof#1,200estimateofpriceat20yearspurchaseofwhich1/3rdtobepaidonacquisitionandthebalanceintheformofannualrent,viz。#800plus21/2%interestonthesame,repayablequarterlyinequalannualinstalmentsuntilextinctionbyamortisationofloanadvancedforpurchasewithinaperiodof20years,amountingtoanannualrentalof#64,headrentincluded,thetitledeedstoremaininpossessionofthelenderorlenderswithasavingclauseenvisagingforcedsale,foreclosureandmutualcompensationintheeventofprotractedfailuretopaythetermsassigned,otherwisethemessuagetobecometheabsolutepropertyofthetenantoccupieruponexpiryoftheperiodofyearsstipulated。

  Whatrapidbutinsecuremeanstoopulencemightfacilitateimmediatepurchase?

  Aprivatewirelesstelegraphwhichwouldtransmitbydotanddashsystemtheresultofanationalequinehandicapflatorsteeplechaseof1ormoremilesandfurlongswonbyanoutsideratoddsof50to1at3hr。

  8m。p。m。atAscotGreenwichtimethemessagebeingreceivedandavailableforbettingpurposesinDublinat2。59p。m。Dunsinktime。Theunexpecteddiscoveryofanobjectofgreatmonetaryvalue:preciousstone,valuableadhesiveorimpressedpostagestamps7-shilling,mauve,imperforate,Hamburg,1866:4pence,rose,bluepaperperforate,GreatBritain,1866:1franc,stone,official,rouletted,diagonalsurcharge,Luxembourg,1878:antiquedynasticalring,uniquerelicinunusualrepositoriesorbyunusualmeans:

  fromtheairdroppedbyaneagleinflight,byfireamidthecarbonisedremainsofanincendiatededifice,intheseaamidflotsam,jetsam,laganandderelict,onearthinthegizzardofacomestiblefowl。ASpanishprisoner’sdonationofadistanttreasureofvaluablesorspecieorbullionlodgedwithasolventbankingcorporation100yearspreviouslyat5%compoundinterestofthecollectiveworthof#5,000,000stgfivemillionpoundssterling。Acontractwithaninconsideratecontracteeforthedeliveryof32consignmentsofsomegivencommodityinconsiderationofcashpaymentondeliveryattheinitialrateof1/4d。tobeincreasedconstantlyinthegeometricalprogressionof21/4d。,1/2d。,1d。,2d。,4d。,8d。,1s。

  4d。,2s。8d。to32terms。ApreparedschemebasedonastudyofthelawsofprobabilitytobreakthebankatMonteCarlo。Asolutionofthesecularproblemofthequadratureofthecircle,governmentpremium#1,000,000

  sterling。

  Wasvastwealthacquirablethroughindustrialchannels?

  Thereclamationofdunamsofwastearenarysoil,proposedintheprospectusofAgendathNetaim,Bleibtreustrasse,Berlin,W。15bythecultivationoforangeplantationsandmelonfieldsandreafforestation。Theutilisationofwastepaper,fellsofsewerrodents,humanexcrementpossessingchemicalproperties,inviewofthevastproductionofthefirst,vastnumberofthesecondandimmensequantityofthethird,everynormalhumanbeingofaveragevitalityandappetiteproducingannually,cancellingbyproductsofwater,asumtotalof80lbs。mixedanimalandvegetablediet,tobemultipliedby4,386,035thetotalpopulationofIrelandaccordingtothecensusreturnsof1901。

  Werethereschemesofwiderscope?

  Aschemetobeformulatedandsubmittedforapprovaltotheharbourcommissionersfortheexploitationofwhitecoalhydraulicpower,obtainedbyhydroelectricplantatpeakoftideatDublinbaroratheadofwateratPoulaphoucaorPowerscourtorcatchmentbasinsofmainstreamsfortheeconomicproductionof500,000W。H。P。ofelectricity。AschemetoenclosethepeninsulardeltaoftheNorthBullatDollymountanderectonthespaceoftheforeland,usedforgolflinksandrifleranges,anasphaltedesplanadewithcasinos,booths,shootinggalleries,hotels,boardinghouses,readingrooms,establishmentsformixedbathing。Aschemefortheuseofdogvansandgoatvansforthedeliveryofearlymorningmilk。AschemeforthedevelopmentofIrishtouristtrafficinandaroundDublinbymeansofpetrolpropelledriverboats,plyinginthefluvialfairwaybetweenislandbridgeandRingsend,charabancs,narrowgaugelocalrailways,andpleasuresteamersforcoastwisenavigation10/-perpersonperday,guidetrilingualincluded。AschemefortherepristinationofpassengerandgoodstrafficsoverIrishwaterways,whenfreedfromweedbeds。AschemetoconnectbytramlinetheCattleMarketNorthCircularroadandPrussiastreetwiththequaysSheriffstreet,lower,andEastWall,parallelwiththeLinklinerailwaylaidinconjunctionwiththeGreatSouthernandWesternrailwaylinebetweenthecattlepark,Liffeyjunction,andterminusofMidlandGreatWesternrailway43to45

  NorthWall,inproximitytotheterminalstationsorDublinbranchesofGreatCentralRailway,MidlandRailwayofEngland,CityofDublinSteamPacketCompany,LancashireYorkshireRailwayCompany,DublinandGlasgowSteamPacketCompany,GlasgowDublinandLondonderrySteamPacketCompanyLairdline,BritishandIrishSteamPacketCompany,DublinandMorecambeSteamers,LondonandNorthWesternRailwayCompany,DublinPortandDocksBoardLandingShedsandtransitshedsofPalgrave,MurphyandCompany,steamshipowners,agentsforsteamersfromMediterranean,Spain,Portugal,France,BelgiumandHollandandforanimaltransportandofadditionalmileageoperatedbytheDublinUnitedTramwaysCompany,limited,tobecoveredbygraziers’fees。

  Positingwhatprotasiswouldthecontractionforsuchseveralschemesbecomeanaturalandnecessaryapodosis?

  Givenaguaranteeequaltothesumsought,thesupport,bydeedofgiftandtransfervouchersduringdonor’slifetimeorbybequestafterdonor’spainlessextinction,ofeminentfinancieryBlumPasha,Rothschild,Guggenheim,Hirsch,Montefiore,Morgan,Rockefellerpossessingfortunesin6figures,amassedduringasuccessfullife,andjoiningcapitalwithopportunitythethingrequiredwasdone。

  Whateventuallywouldrenderhimindependentofsuchwealth?

  Theindependentdiscoveryofagoldseamofinexhaustibleore。

  Forwhatreasondidhemeditateonschemessodifficultofrealisation?

  Itwasoneorhisaxiomsthatsimilarmeditationsortheautomaticrelationtohimselfofanarrativeconcerninghimselfortranquilrecollectionofthepastwhenpractisedhabituallybeforeretiringforthenightalleviatedfatigueandproducedasaresultsoundreposeandrenovatedvitality。

  Hisjustifications?

  Asaphysicisthehadlearnedthatofthe70yearsofcompletehumanlifeatleast2/7ths,viz。,20yearspassedinsleep。Asaphilosopherheknewthatattheterminationofanyallottedlifeonlyaninfinitesimalpartofanyperson’sdesireshasbeenrealised。Asaphysiologisthebelievedintheartificialplacationofmalignantagencieschieflyoperativeduringsomnolence。

  Whatdidhefear?

  Thecommittalofhomicideorsuicideduringsleepbyanaberrationofthelightofreason,theincommensurablecategoricalintelligencesituatedinthecerebralconvolutions。

  Whatwerehabituallyhisfinalmeditations?

  Ofsomeonesoleuniqueadvertisementtocausepasserstostopinwonder,aposternovelty,withallextraneousaccretionsexcluded,reducedtoitssimplestandmostefficienttermsnotexceedingthespanofcasualvisionandcongruouswiththevelocityofmodernlife。

  Whatdidthefirstdrawerunlockedcontain?

  AVereFoster’shandwritingcopybook,propertyofMillyMillicent

  Bloom,certainpagesofwhichborediagramdrawingsmarkedPapli,whichshowedalargeglobularheadwith5hairserect,2eyesinprofile,thetrunkfullfrontwith3largebuttons,1triangularfoot:2fadingphotographsofqueenAlexandraofEnglandandofMaudBranscombe,actressandprofessionalbeauty:aYuletidecard,bearingonitapictorialrepresentationofaparasiticplant,thelegendMizpah,thedateXmas1892,thenameofthesenders,fromMrandMrsM。Comerford,theversicle:MaythisYuletidebringtothee,Joyandpeaceandwelcomeglee:abuttofredpartlyliquefiedsealingwax,obtainedfromthestoresdepartmentofMessrsHely’s,Ltd。,89,90and91Damestreet:aboxcontainingtheremainderofagrossofgilt`J’pennibs,obtainedfromsamedepartmentofsamefirm:anoldsandglasswhichrolledcontainingsandwhichrolled:

  asealedprophecyneverunsealedwrittenbyLeopoldBloomin1886concerningtheconsequencesofthepassingintolawofWilliamEwartGladstone’sHomeRulebillof1886neverpassedintolaw:abazaarticketNo2004,ofS。Kevin’sCharityFair,price6d。100prizes:aninfantileepistle,dated,smallemmonday,reading:capitalpeePaplicommacapitalaitchHowareyounoteofinterrogationcapitaleyeIamverywellfullstopnewparagraphsignaturewithflourishescapitalemMillynostop:acameobrooch,propertyofEllenBloombornHiggins,deceased:3typewrittenletters,addressee,HenryFlower,c/oP。O。WestlandRow,addresser,MarthaClifford,c/oP。

  O。Dolphin’sBarn:thetransliteratednameandaddressoftheaddresserofthe3lettersinreservedalphabeticboustrophedonticpunctatedquadrilinearcryptogramvowelssuppressedN。IGS。/WI。UU。OX/W。OKS。MH/Y。IM:apresscuttingfromanEnglishweeklyperiodicalModernSociety,subjectcorporalchastisementingirls’schools:apinkribbonwhichhadfestoonedanEastereggintheyear1899:twopartlyuncoiledrubberpreservativeswithreservepockets,purchasedbypostfromBox32,P。O。,CharingCross,London,W。C。:1packof1dozencreamlaidenvelopesandfaintrulednotepaper,watermarked,nowreducedby3:someassortedAustrian-Hungariancoins:

  2couponsoftheRoyalandPrivilegedHungarianLottery:alowpowermagnifyingglass:2eroticphotocardsshowing:abuccalcoitionbetweennudesenoritarerepresentation,superiorpositionandnudetoreroforepresentation,inferiorposition:banalviolationbymalereligiousfullyclothed,eyesabjectoffemalereligiouspartlyclothed,eyesdirect,purchasedbypostfromBox32,P。O。,CharingCross,London,W。C。:apresscuttingofrecipeforrenovationofoldtanboots:a1d。adhesivestamp,lavender,ofthereignofQueenVictoria:achartofmeasurementsofLeopoldBloomcompiledbefore,duringandafter2monthsofconsecutiveuseofSandow-Whiteley’spulleyexercisermen’s15/-,athlete’s20/-viz。,chest28in。and29

  1/2in。,biceps9in。and10in。,forearm81/2and9in。,thigh10in。

  and12in。,calf11in。and12in。:1prospectusoftheWonderworker,theworld’sgreatestremedyforrectalcomplaintsdirectfromWonderworker,CoventryHouse,SouthPlace,LondonE。C。,addressedtoMrsL。Bloomwithbriefaccompanyingnotecommencing:DearMadam。

  Quotethetextualtermsinwhichtheprospectusclaimedadvantagesforthisthaumaturgicremedy。

  Ithealsandsootheswhileyousleep,incaseoftroubleinbreakingwind,assistsnatureinthemostformidableway,insuringinstantreliefindischargeofgases,keepingpartscleanandfreenaturalaction,aninitialoutlayof7/6makinganewmanofyouandlifeworthliving。LadiesfindWonderworkerespeciallyuseful,apleasantsurprisewhentheynotedelightfulresultlikeacooldrinkoffreshspringwateronasultrysummer’sday。Recommendittoyourladyandgentlemenfriends,lastsalifetime。

  Insertlongroundend。Wonderworker。

  Weretheretestimonials?

  Numerous。Fromclergyman,Britishnavalofficer,wellknownauthor,cityman,hospitalnurse,lady,motheroffive,absentmindedbeggar。

  Howdidabsentmindedbeggar’sconcludingtestimonialconclude?

  WhatapitythegovernmentdidnotsupplyourmenwithwonderworkersduringtheSouthAfricancampaign!Whatareliefitwouldhavebeen!

  WhatobjectdidBloomaddtothiscollectionofobjects?

  A4thtypewrittenletterreceivedbyHenryFlowerletH。F。beL。B。

  fromMarthaCliffordfindM。C。。

  Whatpleasantreflectionaccompaniedthisaction?

  Thereflectionthat,apartfromtheletterinquestion,hismagneticface,formandaddresshadbeenfavourablyreceivedduringthecourseoftheprecedingdaybyawifeMrsJosephineBreen,bornJosiePowell;anurse,MissCalianChristiannameunknown,amaid,GertrudeGerty,familynameunknown。

  Whatpossibilitysuggesteditself?

  Thepossibilityofexercisingvirilepoweroffascinationinthemostimmediatefutureafteranexpensiverepastinaprivateapartmentinthecompanyofanelegantcourtesan,ofcorporalbeauty,moderatelymercenary,variouslyinstructed,aladybyorigin。

  Whatdidtheanddrawercontain?

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