HowmuchdidIspend？O，afewshillings。
Foraplumpofpressmen。Humourwetanddry。
Wit。Youwouldgiveyourfivewitsforyouth’sproudliveryhepranksin。Lineamentsofgratifieddesire。
Therebemanymo。Takeherforme。Inpairingtime。Jove，acoolruttimesendthem。Yea，turtledoveher。
Eve。Nakedwheatbelliedsin。Asnakecoilsher，fangin’skiss。
Doyouthinkitisonlyaparadox，thequakerlibrarianwasasking。
Themockerisnevertakenseriouslywhenheismostserious。
Theytalkedseriouslyofmocker’sseriousness。
BuckMulligan’sagainheavyfaceeyedStephenawhile。Then，hisheadwagging，hecamenear，drewafoldedtelegramfromhispocket。Hismobilelipsread，smilingwithnewdelight。
Telegram！hesaid。Wonderfulinspiration！Telegram！Apapalbull！
Hesatonacorneroftheunlitdesk，readingaloudjoyfully：
Thesentimentalistishewhowouldenjoywithoutincurringtheimmensedebtorshipforathingdone。Signed：Dedalus。Wheredidyoulaunchitfrom？Thekips？No。CollegeGreen。Haveyoudrunkthefourquid？
Theauntisgoingtocallonyourunsubstantialfather。Telegram！MalachiMulligan，theShip，lowerAbbeystreet。O，youpeerlessmummer！O，youpriestifiedkinchite！
Joyfullyhethrustthemessageandenvelopeintoapocketbutkeenedinquerulousbrogue：
It’swhatI’mtellingyou，misterhoney，it’squeerandsickwewere，Hainesandmyself，thetimehimselfbroughtitin。’Twasmurmurwedidforagalluspotionwouldrouseafriar，I’mthinking，andhelimpwithleching。AndweonehourandtwohoursandthreehoursinConnery’ssittingcivilwaitingforpintsapiece。
Hewailed！
Andwetobethere，mavrone，andyoutobeunbeknownstsendingusyourconglomerationsthewaywetohaveourtonguesoutayardlonglikethedrouthyclericsdobefaintingforapussful。
Stephenlaughed。Quickly，warningfullyBuckMulliganbentdown：
ThetramperSyngeislookingforyou，hesaid，tomurderyou。HeheardyoupissedonhishalldoorinGlasthule。He’soutinpampootiestomurderyou。
Me！Stephenexclaimed。Thatwasyourcontributiontoliterature。
BuckMulligangleefullybentback，laughingtothedarkeavesdroppingceiling。
Murderyou！helaughed。
HarshgargoylefacethatwarredagainstmeoverourmessofhashoflightsinrueSaint-André；-des-Arts。Inwordsofwordsforwords，palabras。OisinwithPatrick。FaunmanhemetinClamartwoods，brandishingawinebottle，C’estvendredisaint！MurtheringIrish。Hisimage，wandering，hemet。Imine。Imetafooli’theforest。
MrLyster，anattendantsaidfromthedoorajar……inwhicheveryonecanfindhisown。SoMrJusticeMaddeninhisDiaryofMasterWilliamSilencehasfoundthehuntingterms……Yes？
Whatisit？
There’sagentlemanhere，sir，theattendantsaid，comingforwardandofferingacard。FromtheFreeman。HewantstoseethefilesoftheKilkennyPeopleforlastyear。
Certainly，certainly，certainly。Isthegentleman？……
Hetooktheeagercard，glanced，notsaw，laiddown，unglanced，looked，asked，creaked，asked：
Ishe？……Othere！
Briskinagalliardhewasoffandout。Inthedaylitcorridorhetalkedwithvolublepainsofzeal，indutybound，mostfair，mostkind，mosthonestbroadbrim。
Thisgentleman？Freeman’sJournal？KilkennyPeople？Tobesure。Goodday，sir。Kilkenny……Wehavecertainly……
Apatientsilhouettewaited，listening。
Alltheleadingprovincial……NorthernWhig，CorkExaminerEnniscorthyGuardian，1903……Willyouplease？……Evans，conductthisgentleman……
Ifyoujustfollowtheatten……Orpleaseallowme……Thisway……Please，sir……
Voluble，dutiful，heledthewaytoalltheprovincialpapers，abowingdarkfigurefollowinghishastyheels。
Thedoorclosed。
Thesheeny！BuckMulligancried。
Hejumpedupandsnatchedthecard。
What’shisname？IkeyMoses？Bloom。
Herattledon。
Jehovah，collectorofprepuces，isnomore。IfoundhimoverinthemuseumwhenIwenttohailthefoambornAphrodite。TheGreekmouththathasneverbeentwistedinprayer。Everydaywemustdohomagetoher。Lifeoflife，thylipsenkindle。
SuddenlyheturnedtoStephen：
Heknowsyou。Heknowsyouroldfellow。O，Ifearme，heisGreekerthantheGreeks。HispaleGalileaneyeswereuponhermesialgroove。VenusKallipyge。O，thethunderofthoseloins！Thegodpursuingthemaidenhid。
Wewanttohearmore，JohnEglintondecidedwithMrBest’sapproval。
WebegintobeinterestedinMrsS。Tillnowwehadthoughtofher，ifatall，asapatientGriselda，aPenelopestayathome。
Antisthenes，pupilofGorgias，Stephensaid，tookthepalmofbeautyfromKyriosMenelaus’brooddam，ArgiveHelen，thewoodenmareofTroyinwhomascoreofheroesslept，andhandedittopoorPenelope。TwentyyearshelivedinLondonand，duringpartofthattime，hedrewasalaryequaltothatofthelordchancellorofIreland。Hislifewasrich。Hisart，morethantheartoffeudalism，asWaltWhitmancalledit，istheartofsurfeit。Hotherringpies，greenmugsofsack，honeysauces，sugarofroses，marchpane，gooseberriedpigeons，ringocandies。SirWalterRaleigh，whentheyarrestedhim，hadhalfamillionfrancsonhisbackincludingapairoffancystays。ThegombeenwomanElizaTudorhadunderlinenenoughtoviewithherofSheba。Twentyyearshedalliedtherebetweenconjugalloveanditschastedelightsandscortatoryloveanditsfoulpleasures。YouknowManningham’sstoryoftheburgher’swifewhobadeDickBurbagetoherbedaftershehadseenhiminRichardIIIandhowShakespeare，overhearing，withoutmoreadoaboutnothing，tookthecowbythehornsand，whenBurbagecameknockingatthegate，answeredfromthecapon’sblankets：WilliamtheconquerorcamebeforeRichardIII。Andthegaylakin，MistressFitten，mountandcryO，andhisdaintybirdsnies，LadyPenelopeRich，acleanqualitywomanissuitedforaplayer，andthepunksofthebankside，apennyatime。
Cours-la-Reine。Encorevingtsous。Nousferonsdepetitescochonneries。
Minette？Tuveux？
Theheightoffinesociety。AndsirWilliamDavenantofOxford’smotherwithhercupofcanaryforeverycockcanary。
BuckMulligan，hispiouseyesupturned，prayed：
BlessedMargaretMaryAnycock！
AndHarryofsixwives’daughterandotherladyfriendsfromneighbourseats，asLawnTennyson，gentlemanpoet，sings。ButallthosetwentyyearswhatdoyousupposepoorPenelopeinStratfordwasdoingbehindthediamondpanes？
Doanddo。Thingdone。InaroseryofFetterLaneofGerard，herbalist，hewalks，greyedauburn。Anazuredharebelllikeherveins。LidsofJuno’seyes，violets。Hewalks。Onelifeisall。Onebody。Do。Butdo。Afar，inareekoflustandsqualor，handsarelaidonwhiteness。
BuckMulliganrappedJohnEglinton’sdesksharply。
Whomdoyoususpect？hechallenged。
Saythatheisthespurnedloverinthesonnets。Oncespurnedtwicespurned。Butthecourtwantonspurnedhimforalord，hisdearmylove。
Lovethatdarenotspeakitsname。
AsanEnglishman，youmean，JohnsturdyEglintonputin，helovedalord。
Oldwallwheresuddenlizardsflash。AtCharentonIwatchedthem。
Itseemsso，Stephensaid，whenhewantstodoforhim，andforallotherandsingularunearedwombs，theholyofficeanostlerdoesforthestallion。Maybe，likeSocrates，hehadamidwifetomotherashehadashrewtowife。Butshe，thegiglotwanton，didnotbreakabedvow。Twodeedsarerankinthatghost’smind：abrokenvowandthedullbrainedyokelonwhomherfavourhasdeclined，deceasedhusband’sbrother。SweetAnnItakeit，washotintheblood。Onceawooertwiceawooer。
Stephenturnedboldlyinhischair。
Theburdenofproofiswithyounotwithme，hesaid，frowning。IfyoudenythatinthefifthsceneofHamlethehasbrandedherwithinfamy，tellmewhythereisnomentionofherduringthethirtyfouryearsbetweenthedayshemarriedhimandthedaysheburiedhim。Allthosewomensawtheirmendownandunder：Mary，hergoodmanJohn，Ann，herpoordearWillun，whenhewentanddiedonher，ragingthathewasthefirsttogo，Joan，herfourbrothers，Judith，herhusbandandallhersons，Susan，herhusbandtoo，whileSusan’sdaughter，Elizabeth，tousegranddaddy’swords，wedhersecond，havingkilledherfirst。
Oyes，mentionthereis。IntheyearswhenhewaslivingrichlyinroyalLondontopayadebtshehadtoborrowfortyshillingsfromherfather’sshepherd。Explainyouthen。Explaintheswansongtoowhereinhehascommendedhertoposterity。
Hefacedtheirsilence。
TowhomthusEglinton：Youmeanthewill。
Thathasbeenexplained，Ibelieve，byjurists。
Shewasentitledtoherwidow’sdowerAtcommonlaw。HislegalknowledgewasgreatOurjudgestellus。
HimSatanfleers，Mocker：
AndthereforeheleftouthernameFromthefirstdraftbuthedidnotleaveoutThepresentsforhisgranddaughter，forhisdaughters，Forhissister，forhisoldcroniesinStratfordAndinLondon。Andthereforewhenhewasurged，AsIbelieve，tonameherHeleftherhisSecondbestBed。
PunktLeftherhisSecondbestBestabedSecabestLeftabed。Woa！
Prettycountryfolkhadfewchattelsthen，JohnEglintonobserved，astheyhavestillifourpeasantplaysaretruetotype。
Hewasarichcountrygentleman，Stephensaid，withacoatofarmsandlandedestateatStratfordandahouseinIrelandyard，acapitalistshareholder，abillpromoter，atithefarmer。Whydidhenotleaveherhisbestbedifhewishedhertosnoreawaytherestofhernightsinpeace？
Itisclearthatthereweretwobeds，abestandasecondbest，MrSecondbestBestsaidfinely。
Separatioamensaetathalamo，betteredBuckMulliganandwassmiledon。
Antiquitymentionsfamousbeds，SecondEglintonpuckered，bedsmiling。
Letmethink。
AntiquitymentionsthatStagyriteschoolurchinandbaldheathensage，Stephensaid，whowhendyinginexilefreesandendowshisslaves，paystributetohiselders，willstobelaidinearthnearthebonesofhisdeadwifeandbidshisfriendsbekindtoanoldmistressdon’tforgetNellGwynnHerpyllisandletherliveinhisvilla。
Doyoumeanhediedso？MrBestaskedwithslightconcern。Imean……
Hedieddeaddrunk，BuckMulligancapped。Aquartofaleisadishforaking。O，ImusttellyouwhatDowdensaid！
What？askedBesteglinton。
WilliamShakespeareandcompany，limited。Thepeople’sWilliam。Fortermsapply：E。Dowden，Highfieldhouse……
Lovely！BuckMulligansuspiredamorously。Iaskedhimwhathethoughtofthechargeofpederastybroughtagainstthebard。Heliftedhishandsandsaid：Allwecansayisthatliferanveryhighinthosedays。
Lovely！
Catamite。
Thesenseofbeautyleadsusastray，saidbeautifulinsadnessBesttouglingEglinton。
SteadfastJohnrepliedsevere：
Thedoctorcantelluswhatthosewordsmean。Youcannoteatyourcakeandhaveit。
Sayestthouso？Willtheywrestfromus，frommethepalmofbeauty？
Andthesenseofproperty，Stephensaid。HedrewShylockoutofhisownlongpocket。Thesonofamaltjobberandmoneylenderhewashimselfacornjobberandmoneylenderwithtentodsofcornhoardedinthefamineriots。HisborrowersarenodoubtthosediversofworshipmentionedbyChettleFalstaffwhoreportedhisuprightnessofdealing。Hesuedafellowplayerforthepriceofafewbagsofmaltandexactedhispoundoffleshininterestforeverymoneylent。HowelsecouldAubrey’sostlerandcallboygetrichquick？Alleventsbroughtgristtohismill。Shylockchimeswiththejewbaitingthatfollowedthehangingandquarteringofthequeen’sleechLopez，hisjew’sheartbeingpluckedforthwhilethesheenywasyetalive：HamletandMacbethwiththecomingtothethroneofaScotchphilosophasterwithaturnforwitchroasting。ThelostarmadaishisjeerinLove’sLabourLost。Hispageants，thehistories，sailfullbelliedonatideofMafekingenthusiasm。Warwickshirejesuitsaretriedandwehaveaporter’stheoryofequivocation。TheSeaVenturecomeshomefromBermudasandtheplayRenanadmirediswrittenwithPatsyCaliban，ourAmericancousin。ThesugaredsonnetsfollowSidney’s。AsforfayElizabeth，otherwisecarrotyBess，thegrossvirginwhoinspiredTheMerryWivesofWindsor，letsomemeinherrfromAlmanygropehislifelongfordeephidmeaningsinthedepthofthebuckbasket。