“Thankyou，no。”Ireplied；“tosaythetruth，IamnotparticularlypartialtovealalaSt。whatisit？forIdonotfindthatitaltogetheragreeswithme。Iwillchangemyplate，however，andtrysomeoftherabbit。”
Therewereseveralside-dishesonthetable，containingwhatappearedtobetheordinaryFrenchrabbitaverydeliciousmorceau，whichI
canrecommend。
“Pierre。”criedthehost，“changethisgentleman’splate，andgivehimaside-pieceofthisrabbitau-chat。”
“Thiswhat？”saidI。
“Thisrabbitau-chat。”
“Why，thankyouuponsecondthoughts，no。Iwilljusthelpmyselftosomeoftheham。”
Thereisnoknowingwhatoneeats，thoughtItomyself，atthetablesofthesepeopleoftheprovince。Iwillhavenoneoftheirrabbitau-chatand，forthematterofthat，noneoftheircat-au-rabbiteither。
“Andthen。”saidacadaverouslookingpersonage，nearthefootofthetable，takingupthethreadoftheconversationwhereithadbeenbrokenoff，“andthen，amongotheroddities，wehadapatient，onceuponatime，whoverypertinaciouslymaintainedhimselftobeaCordovacheese，andwentabout，withaknifeinhishand，solicitinghisfriendstotryasmallslicefromthemiddleofhisleg。”
“Hewasagreatfool，beyonddoubt。”interposedsomeone，“butnottobecomparedwithacertainindividualwhomweallknow，withtheexceptionofthisstrangegentleman。Imeanthemanwhotookhimselfforabottleofchampagne，andalwayswentoffwithapopandafizz，inthisfashion。”
Herethespeaker，veryrudely，asIthought，puthisrightthumbinhisleftcheek，withdrewitwithasoundresemblingthepoppingofacork，andthen，byadexterousmovementofthetongueupontheteeth，createdasharphissingandfizzing，whichlastedforseveralminutes，inimitationofthefrothingofchampagne。Thisbehavior，I
sawplainly，wasnotverypleasingtoMonsieurMaillard；butthatgentlemansaidnothing，andtheconversationwasresumedbyaveryleanlittlemaninabigwig。
“Andthentherewasanignoramus。”saidhe，“whomistookhimselfforafrog，which，bytheway，heresembledinnolittledegree。Iwishyoucouldhaveseenhim，sir。”herethespeakeraddressedmyself“itwouldhavedoneyourheartgoodtoseethenaturalairsthatheputon。Sir，ifthatmanwasnotafrog，Icanonlyobservethatitisapityhewasnot。Hiscroakthuso-o-o-o-gho-o-o-o-gh！
wasthefinestnoteintheworldBflat；andwhenheputhiselbowsuponthetablethusaftertakingaglassortwoofwine
anddistendedhismouth，thus，androlleduphiseyes，thus，andwinkedthemwithexcessiverapidity，thus，whythen，sir，Itakeituponmyselftosay，positively，thatyouwouldhavebeenlostinadmirationofthegeniusoftheman。”
“Ihavenodoubtofit。”Isaid。
“Andthen。”saidsomebodyelse，“thentherewasPetitGaillard，whothoughthimselfapinchofsnuff，andwastrulydistressedbecausehecouldnottakehimselfbetweenhisownfingerandthumb。”
“AndthentherewasJulesDesoulieres，whowasaverysingulargenius，indeed，andwentmadwiththeideathathewasapumpkin。Hepersecutedthecooktomakehimupintopiesathingwhichthecookindignantlyrefusedtodo。Formypart，IambynomeanssurethatapumpkinpiealaDesouliereswouldnothavebeenverycapitaleatingindeed！”
“Youastonishme！”saidI；andIlookedinquisitivelyatMonsieurMaillard。
“Ha！ha！ha！”saidthatgentleman“he！he！he！hi！hi！hi！
ho！ho！ho！hu！hu！hu！hu！verygoodindeed！Youmustnotbeastonished，monami；ourfriendhereisawitadroleyoumustnotunderstandhimtotheletter。”
“Andthen。”saidsomeotheroneoftheparty，“thentherewasBouffonLeGrandanotherextraordinarypersonageinhisway。Hegrewderangedthroughlove，andfanciedhimselfpossessedoftwoheads。OneofthesehemaintainedtobetheheadofCicero；theotherheimaginedacompositeone，beingDemosthenes’fromthetopoftheforeheadtothemouth，andLordBrougham’sfromthemouthtothechin。Itisnotimpossiblethathewaswrong；buthewouldhaveconvincedyouofhisbeingintheright；forhewasamanofgreateloquence。Hehadanabsolutepassionfororatory，andcouldnotrefrainfromdisplay。Forexample，heusedtoleapuponthedinner-tablethus，andand-“
Hereafriend，atthesideofthespeaker，putahanduponhisshoulderandwhisperedafewwordsinhisear，uponwhichheceasedtalkingwithgreatsuddenness，andsankbackwithinhischair。
“Andthen。”saidthefriendwhohadwhispered，“therewasBoullard，thetee-totum。Icallhimthetee-totumbecause，infact，hewasseizedwiththedrollbutnotaltogetherirrationalcrotchet，thathehadbeenconvertedintoatee-totum。Youwouldhaveroaredwithlaughtertoseehimspin。Hewouldturnroundupononeheelbythehour，inthismannerso-
Herethefriendwhomhehadjustinterruptedbyawhisper，performedanexactlysimilarofficeforhimself。
“Butthen。”criedtheoldlady，atthetopofhervoice，“yourMonsieurBoullardwasamadman，andaverysillymadmanatbest；forwho，allowmetoaskyou，everheardofahumantee-totum？Thethingisabsurd。MadameJoyeusewasamoresensibleperson，asyouknow。
Shehadacrotchet，butitwasinstinctwithcommonsense，andgavepleasuretoallwhohadthehonorofheracquaintance。Shefound，uponmaturedeliberation，that，bysomeaccident，shehadbeenturnedintoachicken-cock；but，assuch，shebehavedwithpropriety。Sheflappedherwingswithprodigiouseffectsosoand，asforhercrow，itwasdelicious！Cock-a-doodle-doo！cock-a-doodle-doo！
cock-a-doodle-de-doo-dooo-do-o-o-o-o-o-o！”
“MadameJoyeuse，Iwillthankyoutobehaveyourself！”hereinterruptedourhost，veryangrily。“Youcaneitherconductyourselfasaladyshoulddo，oryoucanquitthetableforthwith-takeyourchoice。”
TheladywhomIwasmuchastonishedtohearaddressedasMadameJoyeuse，afterthedescriptionofMadameJoyeuseshehadjustgiven
blusheduptotheeyebrows，andseemedexceedinglyabashedatthereproof。Shehungdownherhead，andsaidnotasyllableinreply。
Butanotherandyoungerladyresumedthetheme。Itwasmybeautifulgirlofthelittleparlor。
“Oh，MadameJoyeusewasafool！”sheexclaimed，“buttherewasreallymuchsoundsense，afterall，intheopinionofEugenieSalsafette。
Shewasaverybeautifulandpainfullymodestyounglady，whothoughttheordinarymodeofhabilimentindecent，andwishedtodressherself，always，bygettingoutsideinsteadofinsideofherclothes。
Itisathingveryeasilydone，afterall。Youhaveonlytodoso
andthensososoandthensososoandthenso
soandthen-
“Mondieu！Ma’m’selleSalsafette！”herecriedadozenvoicesatonce。
“Whatareyouabout？forbear！thatissufficient！wesee，veryplainly，howitisdone！hold！hold！”andseveralpersonswerealreadyleapingfromtheirseatstowithholdMa’m’selleSalsafettefromputtingherselfuponaparwiththeMediceanVenus，whenthepointwasveryeffectuallyandsuddenlyaccomplishedbyaseriesofloudscreams，oryells，fromsomeportionofthemainbodyofthechateau。
Mynerveswereverymuchaffected，indeed，bytheseyells；buttherestofthecompanyIreallypitied。Ineversawanysetofreasonablepeoplesothoroughlyfrightenedinmylife。Theyallgrewaspaleassomanycorpses，and，shrinkingwithintheirseats，satquiveringandgibberingwithterror，andlisteningforarepetitionofthesound。Itcameagainlouderandseeminglynearerandthenathirdtimeveryloud，andthenafourthtimewithavigorevidentlydiminished。Atthisapparentdyingawayofthenoise，thespiritsofthecompanywereimmediatelyregained，andallwaslifeandanecdoteasbefore。Inowventuredtoinquirethecauseofthedisturbance。
“Amerebagtelle。”saidMonsieurMaillard。“Weareusedtothesethings，andcarereallyverylittleaboutthem。Thelunatics，everynowandthen，getupahowlinconcert；onestartinganother，asissometimesthecasewithabevyofdogsatnight。Itoccasionallyhappens，however，thattheconcertoyellsaresucceededbyasimultaneouseffortatbreakingloose，when，ofcourse，somelittledangeristobeapprehended。”
“Andhowmanyhaveyouincharge？”
“Atpresentwehavenotmorethanten，altogether。”
“Principallyfemales，Ipresume？”
“Oh，noeveryoneofthemmen，andstoutfellows，too，Icantellyou。”
“Indeed！Ihavealwaysunderstoodthatthemajorityoflunaticswereofthegentlersex。”
“Itisgenerallyso，butnotalways。Sometimeago，therewereabouttwenty-sevenpatientshere；and，ofthatnumber，nolessthaneighteenwerewomen；but，lately，mattershavechangedverymuch，asyousee。”
“Yeshavechangedverymuch，asyousee。”hereinterruptedthegentlemanwhohadbrokentheshinsofMa’m’selleLaplace。
“Yeshavechangedverymuch，asyousee！”chimedinthewholecompanyatonce。
“Holdyourtongues，everyoneofyou！”saidmyhost，inagreatrage。
Whereuponthewholecompanymaintainedadeadsilencefornearlyaminute。Asforonelady，sheobeyedMonsieurMaillardtotheletter，andthrustingouthertongue，whichwasanexcessivelylongone，helditveryresignedly，withbothhands，untiltheendoftheentertainment。
“Andthisgentlewoman。”saidI，toMonsieurMaillard，bendingoverandaddressinghiminawhisper“thisgoodladywhohasjustspoken，andwhogivesusthecock-a-doodle-de-dooshe，Ipresume，isharmlessquiteharmless，eh？”
“Harmless！”ejaculatedhe，inunfeignedsurprise，“whywhy，whatcanyoumean？”
“Onlyslightlytouched？”saidI，touchingmyhead。“Itakeitforgrantedthatsheisnotparticularlynotdangerouslyaffected，eh？”
“Mondieu！whatisityouimagine？Thislady，myparticularoldfriendMadameJoyeuse，isasabsolutelysaneasmyself。Shehasherlittleeccentricities，tobesurebutthen，youknow，alloldwomenallveryoldwomenaremoreorlesseccentric！”
“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesureandthentherestoftheseladiesandgentlemen-“
“Aremyfriendsandkeepers。”interuptedMonsieurMaillard，drawinghimselfupwithhauteur，“myverygoodfriendsandassistants。”
“What！allofthem？”Iasked，“thewomenandall？”
“Assuredly。”hesaid，“wecouldnotdoatallwithoutthewomen；
theyarethebestlunaticnursesintheworld；theyhaveawayoftheirown，youknow；theirbrighteyeshaveamarvellouseffect；
somethinglikethefascinationofthesnake，youknow。”
“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure！Theybehavealittleodd，eh？
theyarealittlequeer，eh？don’tyouthinkso？”
“Odd！queer！why，doyoureallythinkso？Wearenotveryprudish，tobesure，hereintheSouthdoprettymuchaswepleaseenjoylife，andallthatsortofthing，youknow-“
“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure。”
Andthen，perhaps，thisClosdeVougeotisalittleheady，youknowalittlestrongyouunderstand，eh？”
“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure。Bythebye，Monsieur，didI
understandyoutosaythatthesystemyouhaveadopted，inplaceofthecelebratedsoothingsystem，wasoneofveryrigorousseverity？”
“Bynomeans。Ourconfinementisnecessarilyclose；butthetreatmentthemedicaltreatment，Imeanisratheragreeabletothepatientsthanotherwise。”