第14章
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  Thepangpassed,andnothingbutthedullnumbingpainofitremained。

  IfeltMissHalcombe’shandagain,tighteningitsholdonmyarm——Iraisedmyheadandlookedather。Herlargeblackeyeswererootedonme,watchingthewhitechangeonmyface,whichIfelt,andwhichshesaw。

  `Crushit!’shesaid。`Here,whereyoufirstsawher,crushit!Don’tshrinkunderitlikeawoman。Tearitout;trampleitunderfootlikeaman!’

  Thesuppressedvehemencewithwhichshespoke,thestrengthwhichherwill——concentratedinthelookshefixedonme,andintheholdonmyarmthatshehadnotyetrelinquished——communicatedtomine,steadiedme。Webothwaitedforaminuteinsilence。AttheendofthattimeIhadjustifiedhergenerousfaithinmymanhood——Ihad,outwardlyatleast,recoveredmyself-control。

  `Areyouyourselfagain?’

  `Enoughmyself,MissHalcombe,toaskyourpardonandhers。Enoughtobeguidedbyyouradvice,andtoprovemygratitudeinthatway,ifIcanproveitinnoother。’

  `Youhaveproveditalready,’sheanswered,`bythosewords。MrHartright,concealmentisatanendbetweenus。Icannotaffecttohidefromyouwhatmysisterhasunconsciouslyshowntome。Youmustleaveusforhersake,aswellasforyourown。Yourpresencehere,yournecessaryintimacywithus,harmlessasithasbeen,Godknows,inallotherrespects,hasunsteadiedherandmadeherwretched。I,wholoveherbetterthanmyownlife——I,whohavelearnttobelieveinthatpure,noble,innocentnatureasIbelieveinmyreligion——knowbuttoowellthesecretmiseryofself-reproachthatshehasbeensufferingsincethefirstshadowofafeelingdisloyaltohermarriageengagemententeredherheartinspiteofher。Idon’tsay——itwouldbeuselesstoattempttosayitafterwhathashappened——

  thatherengagementhaseverhadastrongholdonheraffections。Itisanengagementofhonour,notoflove;herfathersanctioneditonhisdeathbed,twoyearssince;sheherselfneitherwelcomeditnorshrankfromit——

  shewascontenttomakeit。Tillyoucamehereshewasinthepositionofhundredsofotherwomen,whomarrymenwithoutbeinggreatlyattractedtothemorgreatlyrepelledbythem,andwholearntolovethemwhentheydon’tlearntohate!aftermarriage,insteadofbefore。Ihopemoreearnestlythanwordscansay——andyoushouldhavetheself-sacrificingcouragetohopetoo——thatthenewthoughtsandfeelingswhichhavedisturbedtheoldcalmnessandtheoldcontenthavenottakenroottoodeeplytobeeverremoved。YourabsenceifIhadlessbeliefinyourhonour,andyourcourage,andyoursense,IshouldnottrusttothemasIamtrustingnow——yourabsencewillhelpmyefforts,andtimewillhelpusallthree。

  Itissomethingtoknowthatmyfirstconfidenceinyouwasnotallmisplaced。

  Itissomethingtoknowthatyouwillnotbelesshonest,lessmanly,lessconsideratetowardsthepupilwhoserelationtoyourselfyouhavehadthemisfortunetoforget,thantowardsthestrangerandtheoutcastwhoseappealtoyouwasnotmadeinvain。’

  Againthechancereferencetothewomaninwhite!WastherenopossibilityofspeakingofMissFairlieandofmewithoutraisingthememoryofAnneCatherick,andsettingherbetweenuslikeafatalitythatitwashopelesstoavoid?

  `TellmewhatapologyIcanmaketoMrFairlieforbreakingmyengagement,’

  Isaid。`Tellmewhentogoafterthatapologyisaccepted。Ipromiseimplicitobediencetoyouandtoyouradvice。

  `Timeiseverywayofimportance,’sheanswered。`YouheardmereferthismorningtoMondaynext,andtothenecessityofsettingthepurpleroominorder。ThevisitorwhomweexpectonMonday——’

  Icouldnotwaitforhertobemoreexplicit。KnowingwhatIknewnow,thememoryofMissFairlie’slookandmanneratthebreakfast-tabletoldmethattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgeHousewasherfuturehusband。

  Itriedtoforceitback;butsomethingrosewithinmeatthatmomentstrongerthanmyownwill,andIinterruptedMissHalcombe。

  `Letmegotoday,’Isaidbitterly。`Thesoonerthebetter。’

  `No,nottoday,’shereplied。`TheonlyreasonyoucanassigntoMrFairlieforyourdeparture,beforetheendofyourengagement,mustbethatanunforeseennecessitycompelsyoutoaskhispermissiontoreturnatoncetoLondon。Youmustwaittilltomorrowtotellhimthat,atthetimewhenthepostcomesin,becausehewillthenunderstandthesuddenchangeinyourplans,byassociatingitwiththearrivalofaletterfromLondon。Itismiserableandsickeningtodescendtodeceit,evenofthemostharmlesskind——butIknowMrFairlie,andifyouonceexcitehissuspicionsthatyouaretriflingwithhim,hewillrefusetoreleaseyou。

  SpeaktohimonFridaymorning:occupyyourselfafterwardsforthesakeofyourowninterestswithyouremployerinleavingyourunfinishedworkinaslittleconfusionaspossible,andquitthisplaceonSaturday。Itwillbetimeenoughthen,MrHartright,foryou,andforallofus。’

  BeforeIcouldassureherthatshemightdependonmyactinginthestrictestaccordancewithherwishes,wewerebothstartledbyadvancingfootstepsintheshrubbery。Someonewascomingfromthehousetoseekforus!Ifeltthebloodrushintomycheeksandthenleavethemagain。Couldthethirdpersonwhowasfastapproachingus,atsuchatimeandundersuchcircumstances,beMissFairlie?

  Itwasarelief——sosadly,sohopelesslywasmypositiontowardsherchangedalready——itwasabsolutelyarelieftome,whenthepersonwhohaddisturbedusappearedattheentranceofthesummer-house,andprovedtobeonlyMissFairlie’smaid。

  `CouldIspeaktoyouforamoment,miss?’saidthegirl,inratheraflurried,unsettledmanner。

  MissHalcombedescendedthestepsintotheshrubbery,andwalkedasideafewpaceswiththemaid。

  Leftbymyself,mymindreverted,withasenseofforlornwretchednesswhichitisnotinanywordsthatIcanfindtodescribe,tomyapproachingreturntothesolitudeandthedespairofmylonelyLondonhome。Thoughtsofmykindoldmother,andofmysister,whohadrejoicedwithhersoinnocentlyovermyprospectsinCumberland——thoughtswhoselongbanishmentfrommyheartitwasnowmyshameandmyreproachtorealizeforthefirsttime——camebacktomewiththelovingmournfulnessofold,neglectedfriends。

  Mymotherandmysister,whatwouldtheyfeelwhenIreturnedtothemfrommybrokenengagement,withtheconfessionofmymiserablesecret——theywhohadpartedfrommesohopefullyonthatlasthappynightintheHampsteadcottage!

  AnneCatherickagain!EventhememoryofthefarewellevenIngwithmymotherandmysistercouldnotreturntomenowunconnectedwiththatothermemoryofthemoonlightwalkbacktoLondon。Whatdiditmean?WerethatwomanandItomeetoncemore?Itwaspossible,attheleast。DidsheknowthatIlivedinLondon?Yes;Ihadtoldherso,eitherbeforeorafterthatstrangequestionofhers,whenshehadaskedmesodistrustfullyifIknewmanymenoftherankofBaronet。Eitherbeforeorafter——mymindwasnotcalmenough,then,torememberwhich。

  AfewminuteselapsedbeforeMissHalcombedismissedthemaidandcamebacktome。She,too,lookedflurriedandunsettlednow。

  `Wehavearrangedallthatisnecessary,MrHartright,’shesaid。`Wehaveunderstoodeachother,asfriendsshould,andwemaygobackatoncetothehouse。Totellyouthetruth,IamuneasyaboutLaura。Shehassenttosayshewantstoseemedirectly,andthemaidreportsthathermistressisapparentlyverymuchagitatedbyaletterthatshehasreceivedthismorning——thesameletter,nodoubt,whichIsentontothehousebeforewecamehere。’

  Weretracedourstepstogetherhastilyalongtheshrubberypath。AlthoughMissHalcombehadendedallthatshethoughtitnecessarytosayonherside,IhadnotendedallthatIwantedtosayonmine。FromthemomentwhenIhaddiscoveredthattheexpectedvisitoratLimmeridgewasMissFairlie’sfuturehusband,Ihadfeltabittercuriosity,aburningenviouseagerness,toknowwhohewas。Itwaspossiblethatafutureopportunityofputtingthequestionmightnoteasilyoffer,soIriskedaskingitonourwaybacktothehouse。

  `Nowthatyouarekindenoughtotellmewehaveunderstoodeachother,MissHalcombe,’Isaid,`nowthatyouaresureofmygratitudeforyourforbearanceandmyobediencetoyourwishes,mayIventuretoaskwho’——

  Ihesitated——Ihadforcedmyselftothinkofhim,butitwasharderstilltospeakofhim,asherpromisedhusband——`whothegentlemanengagedtoMissFairlieis?’

  Hermindwasevidentlyoccupiedwiththemessageshehadreceivedfromhersister。Sheansweredinahasty,absentway——

  `AgentlemanoflargepropertyinHampshire。’

  Hampshire!AnneCatherick’snativeplace。Again,andyetagain,thewomaninwhite。Therewasafatalityinit。

  `Andhisname?’Isaid,asquietlyandindifferentlyasIcould。

  `SirPercivalGlyde。’

  Sir——SirPercival!AnneCatherick’squestion——thatsuspiciousquestionaboutthemenoftherankofBaronetwhomImighthappentoknow——hadhardlybeendismissedfrommymindbyMissHalcombe’sreturntomeinthesummer-house,beforeitwasrecalledagainbyherownanswer。Istoppedsuddenly,andlookedather。

  `SirPercivalGlyde,’sherepeated,imaginingthatIhadnotheardherformerreply。

  `Knight,orBaronet?’Iasked,withanagitationthatIcouldhidenolonger。

  Shepausedforamoment,andthenanswered,rathercoldly——

  `Baronet,ofcourse。’

  [NextChapter][TableofContents]WomaninWhite:Chapter5[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter5XNotawordmorewassaid,oneitherside,aswewalkedbacktothehouse。

  MissHalcombehastenedimmediatelytohersister’sroom,andIwithdrewtomystudiotosetinorderallofMrFairlie’sdrawingsthatIhadnotyetmountedandrestoredbeforeIresignedthemtothecareofotherhands。

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