第67章
加入书架 A- A+
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  Sohefellawayfromalloldfriendsexceptmyselfandthreeorfouroldintimatesofmyown,whowereassuretotaketohimashetothem,andwholikemyselfenjoyedgettingholdofayoungfreshmind。Ernestattendedtothekeepingofmyaccountbookswhenevertherewasanythingwhichcouldpossiblybeattendedto,whichthereseldomwas,andspentthegreaterpartoftherestofhistimeinaddingtothemanynotesandtentativeessayswhichhadalreadyaccumulatedinhisportfolios。Anyonewhowasusedtowritingcouldseeataglancethatliteraturewashisnaturaldevelopment,andI

  waspleasedatseeinghimsettledowntoitsospontaneously。Iwaslesspleased,however,toobservethathewouldstilloccupyhimselfwithnonebutthemostserious,Ihadalmostsaidsolemn,subjects,justashenevercaredaboutanybutthemostseriouskindofmusic。

  IsaidtohimonedaythattheveryslenderrewardwhichGodhadattachedtothepursuitofseriousinquirywasasufficientproofthatHedisapprovedofit,oratanyratethatHedidnotsetmuchstorebyitnorwishtoencourageit。

  Hesaid:“Oh,don’ttalkaboutrewards。LookatMilton,whoonlygot5poundsfor’ParadiseLost。’“

  “Andagreatdealtoomuch。”Irejoinedpromptly。“Iwouldhavegivenhimtwiceasmuchmyselfnottohavewrittenitatall。”

  Ernestwasalittleshocked。“Atanyrate。”hesaidlaughingly,“I

  don’twritepoetry。”

  Thiswasacutatme,formyburlesqueswere,ofcourse,writteninrhyme。SoIdroppedthematter。

  Afteratimehetookitintohisheadtore-openthequestionofhisgetting300poundsayearfordoing,ashesaid,absolutelynothing,andsaidhewouldtrytofindsomeemploymentwhichshouldbringhiminenoughtoliveupon。

  Ilaughedatthisbutlethimalone。Hetriedandtriedveryhardforalongwhile,butIneedhardlysaywasunsuccessful。TheolderIgrow,themoreconvincedIbecomeofthefollyandcredulityofthepublic;butatthesametimetheharderdoIseeitistoimposeoneselfuponthatfollyandcredulity。

  Hetriededitoraftereditorwitharticleafterarticle。Sometimesaneditorlistenedtohimandtoldhimtoleavehisarticles;healmostinvariably,however,hadthemreturnedtohimintheendwithapolitenotesayingthattheywerenotsuitedfortheparticularpapertowhichhehadsentthem。Andyetmanyoftheseveryarticlesappearedinhislaterworks,andnoonecomplainedofthem,notatleastonthescoreofbadliteraryworkmanship。“Isee。”hesaidtomeoneday,“thatdemandisveryimperious,andsupplymustbeverysuppliant。”

  Once,indeed,theeditorofanimportantmonthlymagazineacceptedanarticlefromhim,andhethoughthehadnowgotafootingintheliteraryworld。Thearticlewastoappearinthenextissuebutone,andhewastoreceiveprooffromtheprintersinabouttendaysorafortnight;butweekafterweekpassedandtherewasnoproof;

  monthaftermonthwentbyandtherewasstillnoroomforErnest’sarticle;atlengthafteraboutsixmonthstheeditoronemorningtoldhimthathehadfilledeverynumberofhisreviewforthenexttenmonths,butthathisarticleshoulddefinitelyappear。OnthisheinsistedonhavinghisMS。returnedtohim。

  Sometimeshisarticleswereactuallypublished,andhefoundtheeditorhadeditedthemaccordingtohisownfancy,puttinginjokeswhichhethoughtwerefunny,orcuttingouttheverypassagewhichErnesthadconsideredthepointofthewholething,andthen,thoughthearticlesappeared,whenitcametopayingforthemitwasanothermatter,andheneversawhismoney。“Editors。”hesaidtomeonedayaboutthistime,“arelikethepeoplewhoboughtandsoldinthebookofRevelation;thereisnotonebuthasthemarkofthebeastuponhim。”

  Atlastaftermonthsofdisappointmentandmanyatedioushourwastedindingyante-roomsandofallanteroomsthoseofeditorsappeartometobethedreariest,hegotabonafideofferofemploymentfromoneofthefirstclassweeklypapersthroughanintroductionIwasabletogetforhimfromonewhohadpowerfulinfluencewiththepaperinquestion。Theeditorsenthimadozenlongbooksuponvariedanddifficultsubjects,andtoldhimtoreviewtheminasinglearticlewithinaweek。Inonebooktherewasaneditorialnotetotheeffectthatthewriterwastobecondemned。Ernestparticularlyadmiredthebookhewasdesiredtocondemn,andfeelinghowhopelessitwasforhimtodoanythinglikejusticetothebookssubmittedtohim,returnedthemtotheeditor。

  Atlastonepaperdidactuallytakeadozenorsoofarticlesfromhim,andgavehimcashdownacoupleofguineasapieceforthem,buthavingdonethisitexpiredwithinafortnightafterthelastofErnest’sarticleshadappeared。Itcertainlylookedverymuchasiftheothereditorsknewtheirbusinessindecliningtohaveanythingtodowithmyunluckygodson。

  Iwasnotsorrythathefailedwithperiodicalliterature,forwritingforreviewsornewspapersisbadtrainingforonewhomayaspiretowriteworksofmorepermanentinterest。Ayoungwritershouldhavemoretimeforreflectionthanhecangetasacontributortothedailyorevenweeklypress。Ernesthimself,however,waschagrinedatfindinghowunmarketablehewas。“Why。”

  hesaidtome,“IfIwasawell-bredhorse,orsheep,orapure-bredpigeonorlop-earedrabbitIshouldbemoresaleable。IfIwasevenacathedralinacolonialtownpeoplewouldgivemesomething,butasitistheydonotwantme“;andnowthathewaswellandrestedhewantedtosetupashopagain,butthis,ofcourse,Iwouldnothearof。

  “WhatcareI。”saidhetomeoneday,“aboutbeingwhattheycallagentleman?”Andhismannerwasalmostfierce。

  “Whathasbeingagentlemaneverdoneformeexceptmakemelessabletopreyandmoreeasytobepreyedupon?Ithaschangedthemannerofmybeingswindled,thatisall。ButforyourkindnesstomeIshouldbepenniless。ThankheavenIhaveplacedmychildrenwhereIhave。”

  Ibeggedhimtokeepquietalittlelongerandnottalkabouttakingashop。

  “Willbeingagentleman。”hesaid,“bringmemoneyatthelast,andwillanythingbringmeasmuchpeaceatthelastasmoneywill?

  TheysaythatthosewhohaverichesenterhardlyintothekingdomofHeaven。ByJove,theydo;theyarelikeStruldbrugs;theyliveandliveandliveandarehappyformanyalongyearaftertheywouldhaveenteredintothekingdomofHeaveniftheyhadbeenpoor。I

  wanttolivelongandtoraisemychildren,ifIseetheywouldbehappierfortheraising;thatiswhatIwant,anditisnotwhatI

  amdoingnowthatwillhelpme。BeingagentlemanisaluxurywhichIcannotafford,thereforeIdonotwantit。Letmegobacktomyshopagain,anddothingsforpeoplewhichtheywantdoneandwillpaymefordoingforthem。TheyknowwhattheywantandwhatisgoodforthembetterthanIcantellthem。”

  Itwashardtodenythesoundnessofthis,andifhehadbeendependentonlyonthe300poundsayearwhichhewasgettingfrommeIshouldhaveadvisedhimtoopenhisshopagainnextmorning。Asitwas,Itemporisedandraisedobstacles,andquietedhimfromtimetotimeasbestIcould。

  OfcoursehereadMrDarwin’sbooksasfastastheycameoutandadoptedevolutionasanarticleoffaith。“Itseemstome。”hesaidonce,“thatIamlikeoneofthosecaterpillarswhich,iftheyhavebeeninterruptedinmakingtheirhammock,mustbeginagainfromthebeginning。SolongasIwentbackalongwaydowninthesocialscaleIgotonallright,andshouldhavemademoneybutforEllen;

  whenItrytotakeuptheworkatahigherstageIfailcompletely。”

  Idonotknowwhethertheanalogyholdsgoodornot,butIamsureErnest’sinstinctwasrightintellinghimthatafteraheavyfallhehadbetterbeginlifeagainataverylowstage,andasIhavejustsaid,IwouldhavelethimgobacktohisshopifIhadnotknownwhatIdid。

  AsthetimefixeduponbyhisauntdrewnearerIpreparedhimmoreandmoreforwhatwascoming,andatlast,onhistwenty-eighthbirthday,Iwasabletotellhimallandtoshowhimthelettersignedbyhisauntuponherdeath-bedtotheeffectthatIwastoholdthemoneyintrustforhim。Hisbirthdayhappenedthatyear1863tobeonaSunday,butonthefollowingdayItransferredhissharesintohisownname,andpresentedhimwiththeaccountbookswhichhehadbeenkeepingforthelastyearandahalf。

  InspiteofallthatIhaddonetopreparehim,itwasalongwhilebeforeIcouldgethimactuallytobelievethatthemoneywashisown。Hedidnotsaymuch——nomoredidI,forIamnotsurethatI

  didnotfeelasmuchmovedathavingbroughtmylongtrusteeshiptoasatisfactoryconclusionasErnestdidatfindinghimselfownerofmorethan70,000pounds。Whenhedidspeakitwastojerkoutasentenceortwoofreflectionatatime。“IfIwererenderingthismomentinmusic。”hesaid,“Ishouldallowmyselffreeuseoftheaugmentedsixth。”AlittlelaterIrememberhissayingwithalaughthathadsomethingofafamilylikenesstohisaunt’s:“ItisnotthepleasureitcausesmewhichIenjoyso,itisthepainitwillcausetoallmyfriendsexceptyourselfandTowneley。”

  Isaid:“Youcannottellyourfatherandmother——itwoulddrivethemmad。”

  “No,no,no。”saidhe,“itwouldbetoocruel;itwouldbelikeIsaacofferingupAbrahamandnothicketwitharaminitnearathand。BesideswhyshouldI?Wehavecuteachotherthesefouryears。”

  ItalmostseemedasthoughourcasualmentionofTheobaldandChristinahadinsomewayexcitedthemfromadormanttoanactivestate。DuringtheyearsthathadelapsedsincetheylastappeareduponthescenetheyhadremainedatBattersby,andhadconcentratedtheiraffectionupontheirotherchildren。

  IthadbeenabitterpilltoTheobaldtolosehispowerofplaguinghisfirst-born;ifthetruthwereknownIbelievehehadfeltthismoreacutelythananydisgracewhichmighthavebeensheduponhimbyErnest’simprisonment。Hehadmadeoneortwoattemptstoreopennegotiationsthroughme,butIneversaidanythingaboutthemtoErnest,forIknewitwouldupsethim。Iwrote,however,toTheobaldthatIhadfoundhissoninexorable,andrecommendedhimforthepresent,atanyrate,todesistfromreturningtothesubject。ThisIthoughtwouldbeatoncewhatErnestwouldlikebestandTheobaldleast。

  Afewdays,however,afterErnesthadcomeintohisproperty,I

  receivedaletterfromTheobaldenclosingoneforErnestwhichI

  couldnotwithhold。

  Theletterranthus:-

  “TomysonErnest,——AlthoughyouhavemorethanoncerejectedmyoverturesIappealyetagaintoyourbetternature。Yourmother,whohaslongbeenailing,is,Ibelieve,nearherend;sheisunabletokeepanythingonherstomach,andDrMartinholdsoutbutlittlehopesofherrecovery。Shehasexpressedawishtoseeyou,andsayssheknowsyouwillnotrefusetocometoher,which,consideringhercondition,Iamunwillingtosupposeyouwill。

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