第53章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"The Way of All Flesh",免费读到尾

  Ifmygodsonhadbeenanolderman,andmorefixedinanydefinitegroove,thisiswhatIshouldhavedone,buthewasstillveryyoung,andmorethancommonlyunformedforhisage。If,again,I

  hadknownofhisillnessIshouldnothavedaredtolayanyheavierburdenonhisbackthanhehadtobearalready;butnotbeinguneasyabouthishealth,Ithoughtafewyearsofroughingitandofexperienceconcerningtheimportanceofnotplayingtrickswithmoneywoulddohimnoharm。SoIdecidedtokeepasharpeyeuponhimassoonashecameoutofprison,andtolethimsplashaboutindeepwaterasbesthecouldtillIsawwhetherhewasabletoswim,orwasabouttosink。InthefirstcaseIwouldlethimgoonswimmingtillhewasnearlyeight-and-twenty,whenIwouldpreparehimgraduallyforthegoodfortunethatawaitedhim;inthesecondI

  wouldhurryuptotherescue。SoIwrotetosaythatPryerhadabsconded,andthathecouldhave100poundsfromhisfatherwhenhecameoutofprison。Ithenwaitedtoseewhateffectthesetidingswouldhave,notexpectingtoreceiveananswerforthreemonths,forIhadbeentoldonenquirythatnolettercouldbereceivedbyaprisonertillafterhehadbeenthreemonthsingaol。IalsowrotetoTheobaldandtoldhimofPryer’sdisappearance。

  Asamatteroffact,whenmyletterarrivedthegovernorofthegaolreadit,andinacaseofsuchimportancewouldhaverelaxedtherulesifErnest’sstatehadallowedit;hisillnesspreventedthis,andthegovernorleftittothechaplainandthedoctortobreakthenewstohimwhentheythoughthimstrongenoughtobearit,whichwasnowthecase。InthemeantimeIreceivedaformalofficialdocumentsayingthatmyletterhadbeenreceivedandwouldbecommunicatedtotheprisonerinduecourse;IbelieveitwassimplythroughamistakeonthepartofaclerkthatIwasnotinformedofErnest’sillness,butIheardnothingofittillIsawhimbyhisowndesireafewdaysafterthechaplinhadbrokentohimthesubstanceofwhatIhadwritten。

  Ernestwasterriblyshockedwhenheheardofthelossofhismoney,buthisignoranceoftheworldpreventedhimfromseeingthefullextentofthemischief。Hehadneverbeeninseriouswantofmoneyyet,anddidnotknowwhatitmeant。Inreality,moneylossesarethehardesttobearofanybythosewhoareoldenoughtocomprehendthem。

  Amancanstandbeingtoldthathemustsubmittoaseveresurgicaloperation,orthathehassomediseasewhichwillshortlykillhim,orthathewillbeacrippleorblindfortherestofhislife;

  dreadfulassuchtidingsmustbe,wedonotfindthattheyunnervethegreaternumberofmankind;mostmen,indeed,gocoollyenougheventobehanged,butthestrongestquailbeforefinancialruin,andthebettermentheyare,themorecomplete,asageneralrule,istheirprostration。Suicideisacommonconsequenceofmoneylosses;itisrarelysoughtasameansofescapefrombodilysuffering。Ifwefeelthatwehaveacompetenceatourbacks,sothatwecandiewarmandquietlyinourbeds,withnoneedtoworryaboutexpense,weliveourlivesouttothedregs,nomatterhowexcruciatingourtorments。Jobprobablyfeltthelossofhisflocksandherdsmorethanthatofhiswifeandfamily,forhecouldenjoyhisflocksandherdswithouthisfamily,butnothisfamily——notforlong——ifhehadlostallhismoney。Lossofmoneyindeedisnotonlytheworstpaininitself,butitistheparentofallothers。

  Letamanhavebeenbroughtuptoamoderatecompetence,andhavenospecially;thenlethismoneybesuddenlytakenfromhim,andhowlongishishealthlikelytosurvivethechangeinallhislittlewayswhichlossofmoneywillentail?Howlongagainistheesteemandsympathyoffriendslikelytosurviveruin?Peoplemaybeverysorryforus,buttheirattitudetowardsushithertohasbeenbaseduponthesuppositionthatweweresituatedthusorthusinmoneymatters;whenthisbreaksdowntheremustbearestatementofthesocialproblemsofarasweareconcerned;wehavebeenobtainingesteemunderfalsepretences。Granted,then,thatthethreemostseriouslosseswhichamancansufferarethoseaffectingmoney,healthandreputation。Lossofmoneyisfartheworst,thencomesill-health,andthenlossofreputation;lossofreputationisabadthird,for,ifamankeepshealthandmoneyunimpaired,itwillbegenerallyfoundthathislossofreputationisduetobreachesofparvenuconventionsonly,andnottoviolationsofthoseolder,betterestablishedcanonswhoseauthorityisunquestionable。Inthiscaseamanmaygrowanewreputationaseasilyasalobstergrowsanewclaw,or,ifhehavehealthandmoney,maythriveingreatpeaceofmindwithoutanyreputationatall。Theonlychanceforamanwhohaslosthismoneyisthatheshallstillbeyoungenoughtostanduprootingandtransplantingwithoutmorethantemporaryderangement,andthisIbelievedmygodsonstilltobe。

  Bytheprisonruleshemightreceiveandsendaletterafterhehadbeeningaolthreemonths,andmightalsoreceiveonevisitfromafriend。Whenhereceivedmyletter,heatonceaskedmetocomeandseehim,whichofcourseIdid。Ifoundhimverymuchchanged,andstillsofeeble,thattheexertionofcomingfromtheinfirmarytothecellinwhichIwasallowedtoseehim,andtheagitationofseeingmeweretoomuchforhim。Atfirsthequitebrokedown,andIwassopainedatthestateinwhichIfoundhim,thatIwasonthepointofbreakingmyinstructionsthenandthere。Icontentedmyself,however,forthetime,withassuringhimthatIwouldhelphimassoonashecameoutofprison,andthat,whenhehadmadeuphismindwhathewoulddo,hewastocometomeforwhatmoneymightbenecessary,ifhecouldnotgetitfromhisfather。TomakeiteasierforhimItoldhimthathisaunt,onherdeathbed,haddesiredmetodosomethingofthissortshouldanemergencyarise,sothathewouldonlybetakingwhathisaunthadlefthim。

  “Then。”saidhe,“Iwillnottakethe100poundsfrommyfather,andIwillneverseehimormymotheragain。”

  Isaid:“Takethe100pounds,Ernest,andasmuchmoreasyoucanget,andthendonotseethemagainifyoudonotlike。”

  ThisErnestwouldnotdo。Ifhetookmoneyfromthem,hecouldnotcutthem,andhewantedtocutthem。Ithoughtmygodsonwouldgetonagreatdealbetterifhewouldonlyhavethefirmnesstodoasheproposed,asregardsbreakingcompletelywithhisfatherandmother,andsaidso。“Thendon’tyoulikethem?”saidhe,withalookofsurprise。

  “Likethem!”saidI,“Ithinkthey’rehorrid。”

  “Oh,that’sthekindestthingofallyouhavedoneforme。”heexclaimed,“Ithoughtall——allmiddle-agedpeoplelikedmyfatherandmother。”

  Hehadbeenabouttocallmeold,butIwasonlyfifty-seven,andwasnotgoingtohavethis,soImadeafacewhenIsawhimhesitating,whichdrovehiminto“middle-aged。”

  “Ifyoulikeit。”saidI,“IwillsayallyourfamilyarehorridexceptyourselfandyourauntAlethea。Thegreaterpartofeveryfamilyisalwaysodious;ifthereareoneortwogoodonesinaverylargefamily,itisasmuchascanbeexpected。”

  “Thankyou。”hereplied,gratefully,“IthinkIcannowstandalmostanything。IwillcomeandseeyouassoonasIcomeoutofgaol。

  Goodbye。”Forthewarderhadtoldusthatthetimeallowedforourinterviewwasatanend。

  AssoonasErnestfoundthathehadnomoneytolooktouponleavingprisonhesawthathisdreamsaboutemigratingandfarmingmustcometoanend,forheknewthathewasincapableofworkingattheploughorwiththeaxeforlongtogetherhimself。Andnowitseemedheshouldhavenomoneytopayanyoneelsefordoingso。Itwasthisthatresolvedhimtopartonceandforallwithhisparents。

  Ifhehadbeengoingabroadhecouldhavekeptuprelationswiththem,fortheywouldhavebeentoofarofftointerferewithhim。

  Heknewhisfatherandmotherwouldobjecttobeingcut;theywouldwishtoappearkindandforgiving;theywouldalsodislikehavingnofurtherpowertoplaguehim;butheknewalsoverywellthatsolongasheandtheyraninharnesstogethertheywouldbealwayspullingonewayandheanother。Hewantedtodropthegentlemanandgodownintotheranks,beginningonthelowestrungoftheladder,wherenoonewouldknowofhisdisgraceorminditifhedidknow;hisfatherandmotherontheotherhandwouldwishhimtoclutchontothefag-

  endofgentilityatastarvationsalaryandwithnoprospectofadvancement。ErnesthadseenenoughinAshpitPlacetoknowthatatailor,ifhedidnotdrinkandattendedtohisbusiness,couldearnmoremoneythanaclerkoracurate,whilemuchlessexpensebywayofshowwasrequiredofhim。Thetailoralsohadmoreliberty,andabetterchanceofrising。Ernestresolvedatonce,ashehadfallensofar,tofallstilllower——promptly,gracefullyandwiththeideaofrisingagain,ratherthanclingtotheskirtsofarespectabilitywhichwouldpermithimtoexistonsufferanceonly,andmakehimpayanutterlyextortionatepriceforanarticlewhichhecoulddobetterwithout。

  Hearrivedatthisresultmorequicklythanhemightotherwisehavedonethroughrememberingsomethinghehadonceheardhisauntsayabout“kissingthesoil。”Thishadimpressedhimandstuckbyhimperhapsbyreasonofitsbrevity;whenlateronhecametoknowthestoryofHerculesandAntaeus,hefounditoneoftheveryfewancientfableswhichhadaholdoverhim——hischiefestdebttoclassicalliterature。Hisaunthadwantedhimtolearncarpentering,asameansofkissingthesoilshouldhisHerculeseverthrowhim。Itwastoolateforthisnow——orhethoughtitwas——

  butthemodeofcarryingouthisaunt’sideawasadetail;therewereahundredwaysofkissingthesoilbesidesbecomingacarpenter。

  Hehadtoldmethisduringourinterview,andIhadencouragedhimtotheutmostofmypower。HeshowedsomuchmoregoodsensethanI

  hadgivenhimcreditforthatIbecamecomparativelyeasyabouthim,anddeterminedtolethimplayhisowngame,beingalways,however,readytohandincasethingswenttoofarwrong。Itwasnotsimplybecausehedislikedhisfatherandmotherthathewantedtohavenomoretodowiththem;ifithadbeenonlythishewouldhaveputupwiththem;butawarningvoicewithintoldhimdistinctlyenoughthatifhewascleancutawayfromthemhemightstillhaveachanceofsuccess,whereasiftheyhadanythingwhatevertodowithhim,orevenknewwherehewas,theywouldhamperhimandintheendruinhim。Absoluteindependencehebelievedtobehisonlychanceofverylifeitself。

  Overandabovethis——ifthiswerenotenough——Ernesthadafaithinhisowndestinysuchasmostyoungmen,Isuppose,feel,butthegroundsofwhichwerenotapparenttoanyonebuthimself。Rightlyorwrongly,inaquietwayhebelievedhepossessedastrengthwhich,ifhewereonlyfreetouseitinhisownway,mightdogreatthingssomeday。Hedidnotknowwhen,norwhere,norhowhisopportunitywastocome,butheneverdoubtedthatitwouldcomeinspiteofallthathadhappened,andaboveallelsehecherishedthehopethathemightknowhowtoseizeitifitcame,forwhateveritwasitwouldbesomethingthatnooneelsecoulddosowellashecould。Peoplesaidtherewerenodragonsandgiantsforadventurousmentofightwithnowadays;itwasbeginningtodawnuponhimthattherewerejustasmanynowasatanypasttime。

点击下载App,搜索"The Way of All Flesh",免费读到尾