第31章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"The Way of All Flesh",免费读到尾

  thereforelethimgivetheewhatheisminded。”

  Ellendidwhatshewastold,andthetwopartedwithmanytears,thegirl’slastwordsbeingthatsheshouldneverforgethim,andthattheyshouldmeetagainhereafter,shewassuretheyshould,andthenshewouldrepayhim。

  ThenErnestgotintoafieldbytheroadside,flunghimselfonthegrass,andwaitedundertheshadowofahedgetillthecarriageshouldpassonitsreturnfromthestationandpickhimup,forhewasdeadbeat。Thoughtswhichhadalreadyoccurredtohimwithsomeforcenowcamemorestronglybeforehim,andhesawthathehadgothimselfintoonemess——orratherintohalf-a-dozenmesses——themore。

  Inthefirstplaceheshouldbelatefordinner,andthiswasoneoftheoffencesonwhichTheobaldhadnomercy。Alsoheshouldhavetosaywherehehadbeen,andtherewasadangerofbeingfoundoutifhedidnotspeakthetruth。Notonlythis,butsoonerorlateritmustcomeoutthathewasnolongerpossessedofthebeautifulwatchwhichhisdearaunthadgivenhim——andwhat,pray,hadhedonewithit,orhowhadhelostit?Thereaderwillknowverywellwhatheoughttohavedone。Heshouldhavegonestraighthome,andifquestionedshouldhavesaid,“IhavebeenrunningafterthecarriagetocatchourhousemaidEllen,whomIamveryfondof;Ihavegivenhermywatch,myknifeandallmypocketmoney,sothatIhavenownopocketmoneyatallandshallprobablyaskyouforsomemoresoonerthanIotherwisemighthavedone,andyouwillalsohavetobuymeanewwatchandaknife。”Butthenfancytheconsternationwhichsuchanannouncementwouldhaveoccasioned!FancythescowlandflashingeyesoftheinfuriatedTheobald!“Youunprincipledyoungscoundrel。”hewouldexclaim,“doyoumeantovilifyyourownparentsbyimplyingthattheyhavedealtharshlybyonewhoseprofligacyhasdisgracedtheirhouse?”

  Orhemighttakeitwithoneofthosesalliesofsarcasticcalm,ofwhichhebelievedhimselftobeamaster。

  “Verywell,Ernest,verywell:Ishallsaynothing;youcanpleaseyourself;youarenotyettwenty-one,butprayactasifyouwereyourownmaster;yourpoorauntdoubtlessgaveyouthewatchthatyoumightflingitawayuponthefirstimpropercharacteryoucameacross;IthinkIcannowunderstand,however,whyshedidnotleaveyouhermoney;and,afterall,yourgodfathermayjustaswellhaveitasthekindofpeopleonwhomyouwouldlavishitifitwereyours。”

  Thenhismotherwouldburstintotearsandimplorehimtorepentandseekthethingsbelongingtohispeacewhiletherewasyettime,byfallingonhiskneestoTheobaldandassuringhimofhisunfailingloveforhimasthekindestandtenderestfatherintheuniverse。

  Ernestcoulddoallthisjustaswellastheycould,andnow,ashelayonthegrass,speeches,someoneorotherofwhichwasascertaintocomeasthesuntoset,keptrunninginhisheadtilltheyconfutedtheideaoftellingthetruthbyreducingittoanabsurdity。Truthmightbeheroic,butitwasnotwithintherangeofpracticaldomesticpolitics。

  Havingsettledthenthathewastotellalie,whatlieshouldhetell?Shouldhesayhehadbeenrobbed?Hehadenoughimaginationtoknowthathehadnotenoughimaginationtocarryhimouthere。

  Youngashewas,hisinstincttoldhimthatthebestliarishewhomakesthesmallestamountoflyinggothelongestway——whohusbandsittoocarefullytowasteitwhereitcanbedispensedwith。Thesimplestcoursewouldbetosaythathehadlostthewatch,andwaslatefordinnerbecausehehadbeenlookingforit。Hehadbeenoutforalongwalk——hechosethelineacrossthefieldsthathehadactuallytaken——andtheweatherbeingveryhot,hehadtakenoffhiscoatandwaistcoat;incarryingthemoverhisarmhiswatch,hismoney,andhisknifehaddroppedoutofthem。Hehadgotnearlyhomewhenhefoundouthisloss,andhadrunbackasfastashecould,lookingalongthelinehehadfollowed,tillatlasthehadgivenitup;seeingthecarriagecomingbackfromthestation,hehadletitpickhimupandbringhimhome。

  Thiscoveredeverything,therunningandall;forhisfacestillshowedthathemusthavebeenrunninghard;theonlyquestionwaswhetherhehadbeenseenabouttheRectorybyanybuttheservantsforacoupleofhoursorsobeforeEllenhadgone,andthishewashappytobelievewasnotthecase;forhehadbeenoutexceptduringhisfewminutes’interviewwiththecook。Hisfatherhadbeenoutintheparish;hismotherhadcertainlynotcomeacrosshim,andhisbrotherandsisterhadalsobeenoutwiththegoverness。Heknewhecoulddependuponthecookandtheotherservants——thecoachmanwouldseetothis;onthewhole,therefore,bothheandthecoachmanthoughtthestoryasproposedbyErnestwouldaboutmeettherequirementsofthecase。

  WhenErnestgothomeandsneakedinthroughthebackdoor,heheardhisfather’svoiceinitsangriesttones,inquiringwhetherMasterErnesthadalreadyreturned。HefeltasJackmusthavefeltinthestoryofJackandtheBeanStalk,whenfromtheoveninwhichhewashiddenheheardtheogreaskhiswifewhatyoungchildrenshehadgotforhissupper。Withmuchcourage,and,astheeventproved,withnotlesscouragethandiscretion,hetookthebullbythehorns,andannouncedhimselfatonceashavingjustcomeinafterhavingmetwithaterriblemisfortune。Littlebylittlehetoldhisstory,andthoughTheobaldstormedsomewhatathis“incrediblefollyandcarelessness。”hegotoffbetterthanheexpected。TheobaldandChristinahadindeedatfirstbeeninclinedtoconnecthisabsencefromdinnerwithEllen’sdismissal,butonfindingitclear,asTheobaldsaid——everythingwasalwaysclearwithTheobald——thatErnesthadnotbeeninthehouseallthemorning,andcouldthereforehaveknownnothingofwhathadhappened,hewasacquittedonthisaccountforonceinaway,withoutastainuponhischaracter。PerhapsTheobaldwasinagoodtemper;hemayhaveseenfromthepaperthatmorningthathisstockshadbeenrising;itmayhavebeenthisortwentyotherthings,butwhateveritwas,hedidnotscoldsomuchasErnesthadexpected,and,seeingtheboylookexhaustedandbelievinghimtobemuchgrievedatthelossofhiswatch,Theobaldactuallyprescribedaglassofwineafterhisdinner,which,strangetosay,didnotchokehim,butmadehimseethingsmorecheerfullythanwasusualwithhim。

  Thatnightwhenhesaidhisprayers,heinsertedafewparagraphstotheeffectthathemightnotbediscovered,andthatthingsmightgowellwithEllen,buthewasanxiousandillatease。Hisguiltyconsciencepointedouttohimascoreofweakplacesinhisstory,throughanyoneofwhichdetectionmightevenyeteasilyenter。

  Nextdayandformanydaysafterwardshefledwhennomanwaspursuing,andtrembledeachtimeheheardhisfather’svoicecallingforhim。Hehadalreadysomanycausesofanxietythathecouldstandlittlemore,andinspiteofallhisendeavourstolookcheerful,evenhismothercouldseethatsomethingwaspreyinguponhismind。Thentheideareturnedtoherthat,afterall,hersonmightnotbeinnocentintheEllenmatter——andthiswassointerestingthatshefeltboundtogetasnearthetruthasshecould。

  “Comehere,mypoor,pale-faced,heavy-eyedboy。”shesaidtohimonedayinherkindestmanner;“comeandsitdownbyme,andwewillhavealittlequietconfidentialtalktogether,willwenot?”

  Theboywentmechanicallytothesofa。Wheneverhismotherwantedwhatshecalledaconfidentialtalkwithhimshealwaysselectedthesofaasthemostsuitablegroundonwhichtoopenhercampaign。Allmothersdothis;thesofaistothemwhatthedining-roomistofathers。Inthepresentcasethesofawasparticularlywelladaptedforastrategicpurpose,beinganold-fashionedonewithahighback,mattress,bolstersandcushions。Oncesafelypennedintooneofitsdeepcorners,itwaslikeadentist’schair,nottooeasytogetoutofagain。Hereshecouldgetathimbettertopullhimabout,ifthisshouldseemdesirable,orifshethoughtfittocryshecouldburyherheadinthesofacushionandabandonherselftoanagonyofgriefwhichseldomfailedofitseffect。Noneofherfavouritemanoeuvresweresoeasilyadoptedinherusualseat,thearm-chairontherighthandsideofthefire-place,andsowelldidhersonknowfromhismother’stonethatthiswasgoingtobeasofaconversationthathetookhisplacelikealambassoonasshebegantospeakandbeforeshecouldreachthesofaherself。

  “Mydearestboy。”beganhismother,takingholdofhishandandplacingitwithinherown,“promisemenevertobeafraideitherofyourdearpapaorofme;promisemethis,mydear,asyouloveme,promiseittome。”andshekissedhimagainandagainandstrokedhishair。Butwithherotherhandshestillkeptholdofhis;shehadgothimandshemeanttokeephim。

  Theladhungdownhisheadandpromised。Whatelsecouldhedo?

  “Youknowthereisnoone,dear,dearErnest,wholovesyousomuchasyourpapaandIdo;noonewhowatchessocarefullyoveryourinterestsorwhoissoanxioustoenterintoallyourlittlejoysandtroublesasweare;butmydearestboy,itgrievesmetothinksometimesthatyouhavenotthatperfectloveforandconfidenceinuswhichyououghttohave。Youknow,mydarling,thatitwouldbeasmuchourpleasureasourdutytowatchoverthedevelopmentofyourmoralandspiritualnature,butalas!youwillnotletusseeyourmoralandspiritualnature。Attimeswearealmostinclinedtodoubtwhetheryouhaveamoralandspiritualnatureatall。Ofyourinnerlife,mydear,weknownothingbeyondsuchscrapsaswecangleaninspiteofyou,fromlittlethingswhichescapeyoualmostbeforeyouknowthatyouhavesaidthem。”

  Theboywincedatthis。Itmadehimfeelhotanduncomfortableallover。Heknewwellhowcarefulheoughttobe,andyet,dowhathecould,fromtimetotimehisforgetfulnessofthepartbetrayedhimintounreserve。Hismothersawthathewinced,andenjoyedthescratchshehadgivenhim。Hadshefeltlessconfidentofvictoryshehadbetterhaveforegonethepleasureoftouchingasitweretheeyesattheendofthesnail’shornsinordertoenjoyseeingthesnaildrawtheminagain——butsheknewthatwhenshehadgothimwelldownintothesofa,andheldhishand,shehadtheenemyalmostabsolutelyathermercy,andcoulddoprettymuchwhatsheliked。

  “Papadoesnotfeel。”shecontinued,“thatyoulovehimwiththatfulnessandunreservewhichwouldpromptyoutohavenoconcealmentfromhim,andtotellhimeverythingfreelyandfearlesslyasyourmostlovingearthlyfriendnextonlytoyourHeavenlyFather。

  Perfectlove,asweknow,castethoutfear:yourfatherlovesyouperfectly,mydarling,buthedoesnotfeelasthoughyoulovedhimperfectlyinreturn。Ifyoufearhimitisbecauseyoudonotlovehimashedeserves,andIknowitsometimescutshimtotheveryhearttothinkthathehasearnedfromyouadeeperandmorewillingsympathythanyoudisplaytowardshim。Oh,Ernest,Ernest,donotgrieveonewhoissogoodandnoble-heartedbyconductwhichIcancallbynoothernamethaningratitude。”

  Ernestcouldneverstandbeingspokentointhiswaybyhismother:

  forhestillbelievedthatshelovedhim,andthathewasfondofherandhadafriendinher——uptoacertainpoint。Buthismotherwasbeginningtocometotheendofhertether;shehadplayedthedomesticconfidencetrickuponhimtimeswithoutnumberalready。

点击下载App,搜索"The Way of All Flesh",免费读到尾