第29章
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  Ineverbelievedintheproject,andhaveseennoreasontoaltermyoriginalopinion。Iamnotsorryforyourownsake,thatitistobeatanend,nor,Iamsure,willyouregretityourselfinafteryears。

  “Afewwordsmoreasregardsyourownprospects。Youhave,asI

  believeyouknow,asmallinheritance,whichisyourslegallyunderyourgrandfather’swill。Thisbequestwasmadeinadvertently,and,Ibelieve,entirelythroughamisunderstandingonthelawyer’spart。

  Thebequestwasprobablyintendednottotakeeffecttillafterthedeathofyourmotherandmyself;nevertheless,asthewillisactuallyworded,itwillnowbeatyourcommandifyoulivetobetwenty-oneyearsold。Fromthis,however,largedeductionsmustbemade。Therewillbelegacyduty,andIdonotknowwhetherIamnotentitledtodeducttheexpensesofyoureducationandmaintenancefrombirthtoyourcomingofage;Ishallnotinalllikelihoodinsistonthisrighttothefull,ifyouconductyourselfproperly,butaconsiderablesumshouldcertainlybededucted,therewillthereforeremainverylittle——say1000poundsor2000poundsattheoutside,aswhatwillbeactuallyyours——butthestrictestaccountshallberenderedyouinduetime。

  “This,letmewarnyoumostseriously,isallthatyoumustexpectfrommeevenErnestsawthatitwasnotfromTheobaldatallatanyratetillaftermydeath,whichforaughtanyofusknowmaybeyetmanyyearsdistant。Itisnotalargesum,butitissufficientifsupplementedbysteadinessandearnestnessofpurpose。YourmotherandIgaveyouthenameErnest,hopingthatitwouldremindyoucontinuallyof——“butIreallycannotcopymoreofthiseffusion。Itwasallthesameoldwill-shakinggameandcamepracticallytothis,thatErnestwasnogood,andthatifhewentonashewasgoingonnow,hewouldprobablyhavetogoaboutthestreetsbeggingwithoutanyshoesorstockingssoonafterhehadleftschool,oratanyrate,college;andthathe,Theobald,andChristinawerealmosttoogoodforthisworldaltogether。

  AfterhehadwrittenthisTheobaldfeltquitegood-natured,andsenttotheMrsThompsonofthemomentevenmoresoupandwinethanherusualnotilliberalallowance。

  Ernestwasdeeply,passionatelyupsetbyhisfather’sletter;tothinkthatevenhisdearaunt,theonepersonofhisrelationswhomhereallyloved,shouldhaveturnedagainsthimandthoughtbadlyofhimafterall。Thiswastheunkindestcutofall。InthehurryofherillnessMissPontifex,whilethinkingonlyofhiswelfare,hadomittedtomakesuchsmallpresentmentionofhimaswouldhavemadehisfather’sinnuendoesstingless;andherillnessbeinginfectious,shehadnotseenhimafteritsnaturewasknown。ImyselfdidnotknowofTheobald’sletter,northinkenoughaboutmygodsontoguesswhatmighteasilybehisstate。ItwasnottillmanyyearsafterwardsthatIfoundTheobald’sletterinthepocketofanoldportfoliowhichErnesthadusedatschool,andinwhichotheroldlettersandschooldocumentswerecollectedwhichIhaveusedinthisbook。Hehadforgottenthathehadit,buttoldmewhenhesawitthatheremembereditasthefirstthingthatmadehimbegintoriseagainsthisfatherinarebellionwhichherecognisedasrighteous,thoughhedarednotopenlyavowit。Nottheleastseriousthingwasthatitwould,hefeared,behisdutytogiveupthelegacyhisgrandfatherhadlefthim;forifitwashisonlythroughamistake,howcouldhekeepit?

  DuringtherestofthehalfyearErnestwaslistlessandunhappy。

  Hewasveryfondofsomeofhisschoolfellows,butafraidofthosewhomhebelievedtobebetterthanhimself,andpronetoidealiseeveryoneintobeinghissuperiorexceptthosewhowereobviouslyagooddealbeneathhim。Heheldhimselfmuchtoocheap,andbecausehewaswithoutthatphysicalstrengthandvigourwhichhesomuchcoveted,andalsobecauseheknewheshirkedhislessons,hebelievedthathewaswithoutanythingwhichcoulddeservethenameofagoodquality;hewasnaturallybad,andoneofthoseforwhomtherewasnoplaceforrepentance,thoughhesoughtitevenwithtears。Soheshrankoutofsightofthosewhominhisboyishwayheidolised,neverforamomentsuspectingthathemighthavecapacitiestothefullashighastheirsthoughofadifferentkind,andfellinmorewiththosewhowerereputedofthebasersort,withwhomhecouldatanyratebeuponequalterms。Beforetheendofthehalfyearhehaddroppedfromtheestatetowhichhehadbeenraisedduringhisaunt’sstayatRoughborough,andhisolddejection,varied,however,withburstsofconceitrivallingthoseofhismother,resumeditsswayoverhim。“Pontifex。”saidDrSkinner,whohadfallenuponhiminhallonedaylikeamorallandslip,beforehehadtimetoescape,“doyouneverlaugh?Doyoualwayslooksopreternaturallygrave?”Thedoctorhadnotmeanttobeunkind,buttheboyturnedcrimson,andescaped。

  Therewasoneplaceonlywherehewashappy,andthatwasintheoldchurchofStMichael,whenhisfriendtheorganistwaspractising。

  Aboutthistimecheapeditionsofthegreatoratoriosbegantoappear,andErnestgotthemallassoonastheywerepublished;hewouldsometimessellaschool-booktoasecond-handdealer,andbuyanumberortwoofthe“Messiah。”orthe“Creation。”or“Elijah。”

  withtheproceeds。Thiswassimplycheatinghispapaandmamma,butErnestwasfallinglowagain——orthoughthewas——andhewantedthemusicmuch,andtheSallust,orwhateveritwas,little。Sometimestheorganistwouldgohome,leavinghiskeyswithErnest,sothathecouldplaybyhimselfandlockuptheorganandthechurchintimetogetbackforcallingover。Atothertimes,whilehisfriendwasplaying,hewouldwanderroundthechurch,lookingatthemonumentsandtheoldstainedglasswindows,enchantedasregardsbothearsandeyes,atonce。Oncetheoldrectorgotholdofhimashewaswatchinganewwindowbeingputin,whichtherectorhadboughtinGermany——thework,itwassupposed,ofAlbertDurer。HequestionedErnest,andfindingthathewasfondofmusic,hesaidinhisoldtremblingvoiceforhewasovereighty,“ThenyoushouldhaveknownDrBurneywhowrotethehistoryofmusic。IknewhimexceedinglywellwhenIwasayoungman。”ThatmadeErnest’sheartbeat,forheknewthatDrBurney,whenaboyatschoolatChester,usedtobreakboundsthathemightwatchHandelsmokinghispipeintheExchangecoffeehouse——andnowhewasinthepresenceofonewho,ifhehadnotseenHandelhimself,hadatleastseenthosewhohadseenhim。

  Thesewereoasesinhisdesert,but,asageneralrule,theboylookedthinandpale,andasthoughhehadasecretwhichdepressedhim,whichnodoubthehad,butforwhichIcannotblamehim。Herose,inspiteofhimself,higherintheschool,butfelleverintodeeperanddeeperdisgracewiththemasters,anddidnotgainintheopinionofthoseboysaboutwhomhewaspersuadedthattheycouldassuredlyneverknowwhatitwastohaveasecretweighingupontheirminds。ThiswaswhatErnestfeltsokeenly;hedidnotmuchcareabouttheboyswholikedhim,andidolisedsomewhokepthimasfaraspossibleatadistance,butthisisprettymuchthecasewithallboyseverywhere。

  Atlastthingsreachedacrisis,belowwhichtheycouldnotverywellgo,forattheendofthehalfyearbutoneafterhisaunt’sdeath,Ernestbroughtbackadocumentinhisportmanteau,whichTheobaldstigmatisedas“infamousandoutrageous。”IneedhardlysayIamalludingtohisschoolbill。

  ThisdocumentwasalwaysasourceofanxietytoErnest,foritwasgoneintowithscrupulouscare,andhewasagooddealcross-

  examinedaboutit。Hewouldsometimes“writein“forarticlesnecessaryforhiseducation,suchasaportfolio,oradictionary,andsellthesame,asIhaveexplained,inordertoekeouthispocketmoney,probablytobuyeithermusicortobacco。Thesefraudsweresometimes,asErnestthought,inimminentdangerofbeingdiscovered,anditwasaloadoffhisbreastwhenthecross-

  examinationwassafelyover。ThistimeTheobaldhadmadeagreatfussabouttheextras,buthadgrudginglypassedthem;itwasanothermatter,however,withthecharacterandthemoralstatistics,withwhichthebillconcluded。

  Thepageonwhichthesedetailsweretobefoundwasasfollows:

  Classics——Idle,listlessandunimproving。

  Mathematics“““

  Divinity“““

  Conductinhouse——Orderly。

  GeneralConduct——Notsatisfactory,onaccountofhisgreatunpunctualityandinattentiontoduties。

  Monthlymeritmoney1s。6d。6d。0d。6d。Total2s。6d。

  Numberofmeritmarks20110Total4

  Numberofpenalmarks2620253025Total126

  Numberofextrapenals96101211Total48

  Irecommendthathispocketmoneybemadetodependuponhismeritmoney。

  S。SKINNER,Headmaster。

  Ernestwasthusindisgracefromthebeginningoftheholidays,butanincidentsoonoccurredwhichledhimintodelinquenciescomparedwithwhichallhisprevioussinswerevenial。

  AmongtheservantsattheRectorywasaremarkablyprettygirlnamedEllen。ShecamefromDevonshire,andwasthedaughterofafishermanwhohadbeendrownedwhenshewasachild。Hermothersetupasmallshopinthevillagewhereherhusbandhadlived,andjustmanagedtomakealiving。Ellenremainedwithhertillshewasfourteen,whenshefirstwentouttoservice。Fouryearslater,whenshewasabouteighteen,butsowellgrownthatshemighthavepassedfortwenty,shehadbeenstronglyrecommendedtoChristina,whowastheninwantofahousemaid,andhadnowbeenatBattersbyabouttwelvemonths。

  AsIhavesaidthegirlwasremarkablypretty;shelookedtheperfectionofhealthandgoodtemper,indeedtherewasasereneexpressionuponherfacewhichcaptivatedalmostallwhosawher;

  shelookedasifmattershadalwaysgonewellwithherandwerealwaysgoingtodoso,andasifnoconceivablecombinationofcircumstancescouldputherforlongtogetheroutoftempereitherwithherselforwithanyoneelse。Hercomplexionwasclear,buthigh;hereyesweregreyandbeautifullyshaped;herlipswerefullandrestful,withsomethingofanEgyptianSphinx-likecharacteraboutthem。WhenIlearnedthatshecamefromDevonshireIfanciedIsawastrainoffarawayEgyptianbloodinher,forIhadheard,thoughIknownotwhatfoundationtherewasforthestory,thattheEgyptiansmadesettlementsonthecoastofDevonshireandCornwalllongbeforetheRomansconqueredBritain。Herhairwasarichbrown,andherfigure——ofaboutthemiddleheight——perfect,buterringifatallonthesideofrobustness。Altogethershewasoneofthosegirlsaboutwhomoneisinclinedtowonderhowtheycanremainunmarriedaweekoradaylonger。

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