Iamafraid，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，layinghishandgentlyandcompassionatelyonhisarm。Iamafraidyouwillhavetoliveinsomenoisycrowdedplace。
Now，pray，considerthisroomyourownwhenyouwantquiet，orwhenanyofyourfriendscometoseeyou。
Friends！interposedtheman，inavoicewhichrattledinhisthroat。
IfIlaydeadatthebottomofthedeepestmineintheworld。tightscreweddownandsolderedinmycoffin。rottinginthedarkandfilthyditchthatdragsitsslimealong，beneaththefoundationsofthisprison。IcouldnotbemoreforgottenorunheededthanIamhere。Iamadeadman。deadtosociety，withoutthepitytheybestowonthosewhosesoulshavepassedtojudgment。Friendstoseeme！MyGod！Ihavesunk，fromtheprimeoflifeintooldage，inthisplace，andthereisnotonetoraisehishandabovemybedwhenIliedeaduponit，andsay，`Itisablessingheisgone！’
Theexcitement，whichhadcastanunwontedlightovertheman’sface，whilehespoke，subsidedasheconcluded。and，pressinghiswitheredhandstogetherinahastyanddisorderedmanner，heshuffledfromtheroom。
Ridesratherrusty，saidMr。Roker，withasmile。Ah！they’reliketheelephants。Theyfeelitnowandthen，anditmakes’emwild！
Havingmadethisdeeply-sympathisingremark，Mr。Rokerentereduponhisarrangementswithsuchexpedition，thatinashorttimetheroomwasfurnishedwithacarpet，sixchairs，atable，asofabedstead，atea-kettle，andvarioussmallarticles，onhire，attheveryreasonablerateofseven-and-twentyshillingsandsixpenceperweek。
Now，isthereanythingmorewecandoforyou？inquiredMr。Roker，lookingroundwithgreatsatisfaction，andgailychinkingthefirstweek’shireinhisclosedfirst。
Why，yes，saidMr。Pickwick，whohadbeenmusingdeeplyforsometime。
Arethereanypeoplehere，whorunonerrands，andsoforth？
Outside，doyoumean？inquiredMr。Roker。
Yes。Imeanwhoareabletogooutside。Notprisoners。
Yes，thereis，saidRoker。There’sanunfortunatedevil，whohasgotafriendonthepoorside，that’sgladtodoanythingofthatsort。
He’sbeenrunningoddjobs，andthat，forthelasttwomonths。ShallI
sendhim？
Ifyouplease，rejoinedMr。Pickwick。Stay。no。Thepoorside，yousay？Ishouldliketoseeit。I’llgotohimmyself。
Thepoorsideofadebtor’sprison，is，asitsnameimports，thatinwhichthemostmiserableandabjectclassofdebtorsareconfined。Aprisonerhavingdeclareduponthepoorside，paysneitherrentnorchummage。Hisfees，uponenteringandleavingthegaol，arereducedinamount，andhebecomesentitledtoashareofsomesmallquantitiesoffood：toprovidewhich，afewcharitablepersonshave，fromtimetotime，lefttriflinglegaciesintheirwills。Mostofourreaderswillremember，that，untilwithinaveryfewyearspast，therewasakindofironcageinthewalloftheFleetPrison，withinwhichwaspostedsomemanofhungrylooks，who，fromtimetotime，rattledamoney-box，andexclaimedinamournfulvoice，Pray，rememberthepoordebtors。pray，rememberthepoordebtors。
Thereceiptsofthisbox，whentherewereany，weredividedamongthepoorprisoners。andthemenonthepoorsiderelievedeachotherinthisdegradingoffice。
Althoughthiscustomhasbeenabolished，andthecageisnowboardedup，themiserableanddestituteconditionoftheseunhappypersonsremainsthesame。Wenolongersufferthemtoappealattheprisongatestothecharityandcompassionofthepassers-by。butwestillleaveunblottedintheleavesofourstatutebook，forthereverenceandadmirationofsucceedingages，thejustandwholesomelawwhichdeclaresthatthesturdyfelonshallbefedandclothed，andthatthepennilessdebtorshallbelefttodieofstarvationandnakedness。Thisisnofiction。Notaweekpassesoverourheads，but，ineveryoneofourprisonsfordebt，someofthesemenmustinevitablyexpireintheslowagoniesofwant，iftheywerenotrelievedbytheirfellow-prisoners。
Turningthesethingsinhismind，ashemountedthenarrowstaircaseatthefootofwhichRokerhadlefthim，Mr。Pickwickgraduallyworkedhimselftotheboiling-overpoint。andsoexcitedwashewithhisreflectionsonthissubject，thathehadburstintotheroomtowhichhehadbeendirected，beforehehadanydistinctrecollection，eitheroftheplaceinwhichhewas，oroftheobjectofhisvisit。
Thegeneralaspectoftheroomrecalledhimtohimselfatonce。buthehadnosoonercasthiseyesonthefigureofamanwhowasbroodingoverthedustyfire，than，lettinghishatfallonthefloor，hestoodperfectlyfixed，andimmovable，withastonishment。
Yes。intatteredgarments，andwithoutacoat。hiscommoncalicoshirt，yellowandinrags。hishairhangingoverhisface。hisfeatureschangedwithsuffering，andpinchedwithfamine。theresatMr。AlfredJingle：hisheadrestingonhishand，hiseyesfixeduponthefire，andhiswholeappearancedenotingmiseryanddejection！
Nearhim，leaninglistlesslyagainstthewall，stoodastrong-builtcountryman，flickingwithaworn-outhunting-whipthetop-bootthatadornedhisrightfoot：hisleftbeingforhedressedbyeasystagesthrustintoanoldslipper。Horses，dogs，anddrink，hadbroughthimthere，pell-mell。
Therewasarustyspuronthesolitaryboot，whichheoccasionallyjerkedintotheemptyair，atthesametimegivingthebootasmartblow，andmutteringsomeofthesoundsbywhichasportsmanencourageshishorse。
Hewasriding，inimagination，somedesperatesteeple-chaseatthatmoment。
Poorwretch！Heneverrodeamatchontheswiftestanimalinhiscostlystud，withhalfthespeedatwhichhehadtornalongthecoursethatendedintheFleet。
Ontheoppositesideoftheroomanoldmanwasseatedonasmallwoodenbox，withhiseyesrivetedonthefloor，andhisfacesettledintoanexpressionofthedeepestandmosthopelessdespair。Ayounggirl——hislittlegrand-daughter——washangingabouthim：endeavouring，withathousandchildishdevices，toengagehisattention。buttheoldmanneithersawnorheardher。Thevoicethathadbeenmusictohim，andtheeyesthathadbeenlight，fellcoldlyonhissenses。Hislimbswereshakingwithdisease，andthepalsyhadfastenedonhismind。
Thereweretwoorthreeothermenintheroom，congregatedinalittleknot，andnoisilytalkingamongthemselves。Therewasaleanandhaggardwoman，too——aprisoner’swife——whowaswatering，withgreatsolicitude，thewretchedstumpofadried-up，witheredplant，which，itwasplaintosee，couldneversendforthagreenleafagain——tootrueanemblem，perhaps，oftheofficeshehadcometheretodischarge。
SuchweretheobjectswhichpresentedthemselvestoMr。Pickwick’sview，ashelookedroundhiminamazement。Thenoiseofsomeonestumblinghastilyintotheroom，rousedhim。Turninghiseyestowardsthedoor，theyencounteredthenew-comer。andinhim，throughhisragsanddirt，herecognisedthefamiliarfeaturesofMr。JobTrotter。
Mr。Pickwick！exclaimedJobaloud。
Eh？saidJingle，startingfromhisseat。Mr——！Soitis——queerplace——strangething——servesmeright——very。Mr。Jinglethrusthishandsintotheplacewherehistrousers’pocketsusedtobe，and，droppinghischinuponhisbreast，sankbackintohischair。
Mr。Pickwickwasaffected。thetwomenlookedsoverymiserable。ThesharpinvoluntaryglanceJinglehadcastatasmallpieceofrawloinofmutton，whichJobhadbroughtinwithhim，saidmoreoftheirreducedstatethantwohours’explanationcouldhavedone。Mr。PickwicklookedmildlyatJingle，andsaid：
Ishouldliketospeaktoyouinprivate。Willyoustepoutforaninstant？
Certainly，saidJingle，risinghastily。Can’tstepfar——nodangerofover-walkingyourselfhere——Spikepark——groundspretty——romantic，butnotextensive——openforpublicinspection——familyalwaysintown——housekeeperdesperatelycareful——very。
Youhaveforgottenyourcoat，saidMr。Pickwick，astheywalkedouttothestaircase，andclosedthedoorafterthem。
Eh？saidJingle。Spout——dearrelation——uncleTom——couldn’thelpit——musteat，youknow。Wantsofnature——andallthat。
Whatdoyoumean？
Gone，mydearsir——lastcoat——can’thelpit。Livedonapairofboots——wholefortnight。Silkumbrella——ivoryhandle——week——fact——honour——askJob——knowsit。
Livedforthreeweeksuponapairofboots，andasilkumbrellawithanivoryhandle！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，whohadonlyheardofsuchthingsinshipwrecks，orreadoftheminConstable’sMiscellany。
True，saidJingle，noddinghishead。Pawnbroker’sshop——duplicateshere——smallsums——merenothing——allrascals。
Oh，saidMr。Pickwick，muchrelievedbythisexplanation。Iunderstandyou。Youhavepawnedyourwardrobe。
Everything——Job’stoo——allshirtsgone——nevermind——saveswashing。
Nothingsoon——lieinbed——starve——die——Inquest——littlebone-house——poorprisoner——commonnecessaries——hushitup——gentlemenofthejury——warden’stradesmen——keepitsnug——naturaldeath——coroner’sorder——work-housefuneral——servehimright——allover\\s-s\\dropthecurtain。
Jingledeliveredthissingularsummaryofhisprospectsinlife，withhisaccustomedvolubility，andwithvarioustwitchesofthecountenancetocounterfeitsmiles。Mr。Pickwickeasilyperceivedthathisrecklessnesswasassumed，andlookinghimfull，butnotunkindly，intheface，sawthathiseyesweremoistwithtears。
Goodfellow，saidJingle，pressinghishand，andturninghisheadaway。Ungratefuldog——boyishtocry——can’thelpit——badfever——weak——ill——hungry。
Deserveditall——butsufferedmuch——very。Whollyunabletokeepupappearancesanylonger，andperhapsrenderedworsebytheefforthehadmade，thedejectedstrollersatdownonthestairs，and，coveringhisfacewithhishands，sobbedlikeachild。
Come，come，saidMr。Pickwick，withconsiderableemotion，we’llseewhatcanbedone，whenIknowallaboutthematter。Here，Job。whereisthatfellow？
Here，sir，repliedJob，presentinghimselfonthestaircase。Wehavedescribedhim，by-the-bye，ashavingdeeply-sunkeneyes，inthebestoftimes。Inhispresentstateofwantanddistress，helookedasifthosefeatureshadgoneoutoftownaltogether。
Here，sir，criedJob。
Comehere，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，tryingtolookstern，withfourlargetearsrunningdownhiswaistcoat。Takethat，sir。
Takewhat？Intheordinaryacceptationofsuchlanguage，itshouldhavebeenablow。Astheworldruns，itoughttohavebeenasound，heartycuff。
forMr。Pickwickhadbeenduped，deceived，andwrongedbythedestituteoutcastwhowasnowwhollyinhispower。Mustwetellthetruth？ItwassomethingfromMr。Pickwick’swaistcoat-pocket，whichchinkedasitwasgivenintoJob’shand，andthegivingofwhich，somehoworotherimpartedasparkletotheeye，andaswellingtotheheart，ofourexcellentoldfriend，ashehurriedaway。
SamhadreturnedwhenMr。Pickwickreachedhisownroom，andwasinspectingthearrangementsthathadbeenmadeforhiscomfort，withakindofgrimsatisfactionwhichwasverypleasanttolookupon。Havingadecidedobjectiontohismaster’sbeingthereatall，Mr。Wellerappearedtoconsideritahighmoraldutynottoappeartoomuchpleasedwithanythingthatwasdone，said，suggested，orproposed。
Well，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。
Well，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
Prettycomfortablenow，eh，Sam？
Prettyvell，sir，respondedSam，lookingroundhiminadisparagingmanner。
HaveyouseenMr。Tupmanandourotherfriends？
Yes，Ihaveseen’em，sir，andthey’reacomin’to-morrow，andwoswerymuchsurprisedtoheartheywarn’ttocometo-day，repliedSam。
YouhavebroughtthethingsIwanted？
Mr。Wellerinreplypointedtovariouspackageswhichhehadarranged，asneatlyashecould，inacorneroftheroom。
Verywell，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，afteralittlehesitation。listentowhatIamgoingtosay，Sam。
Cert’nly，sir，rejoinedMr。Weller，fireaway，sir。
Ihavefeltfromthefirst，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，withmuchsolemnity，thatthisisnottheplacetobringayoungmanto。
Noranold’unneither，sir，observedMr。Weller。
You’requiteright，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。butoldmenmaycomehere，throughtheirownheedlessnessandunsuspicion：andyoungmenmaybebroughtherebytheselfishnessofthosetheyserve。Itisbetterforthoseyoungmen，ineverypointofview，thattheyshouldnotremainhere。
Doyouundertsandme，Sam？
Vyno，sir，IdoNOT，repliedMr。Weller，doggedly。
Try，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。
Vell，sir，rejoinedSam，afterashortpause，IthinkIseeyourdrift。andifIdoseeyourdrift，it’smy`pinionthatyou’reacomin’
itagreatdealtoostrong，asthemailcoachmansaidtothesnow-storm，venitovertookhim。
Iseeyoucomprehendme，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。Independentlyofmywishthatyoushouldnotbeidlingaboutaplacelikethis，foryearstocome，IfeelthatforadebtorintheFleettobeattendedbyhisman-servantisamonstrousabsurdity。Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，foratime，youmustleaveme。
Oh，foratime，eh，sir？rejoinedMr。Weller，rathersarcastically。
Yes，forthetimethatIremainhere，saidMr。Pickwick。YourwagesIshallcontinuetopay。Anyoneofmythreefriendswillbehappytotakeyou，wereitonlyoutofrespecttome。AndifIeverdoleavethisplace，Sam，addedMr。Pickwick，withassumedcheerfulness：ifIdo，Ipledgeyoumywordthatyoushallreturntomeinstantly。
NowI’lltellyouwotitis，sir，saidMr。Weller，inagraveandsolemnvoice，Thisheresorto’thingwon’tdoatall，sodon’tlet’shearnomoreaboutit。
Iamserious，andresolved，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。
Youair，airyou，sir？inquiredMr。Weller，firmly。Werygood，sir。
ThensoamI。
Thusspeaking，Mr。Wellerfixedhishatonhishandwithgreatprecision，andabruptlylefttheroom。
Sam！criedMr。Pickwick，callingafterhim，Sam！Here！
Butthelonggalleryceasedtore-echothesoundoffoot-steps。SamWellerwasgone。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter43[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXLIIISHOWINGHOWMR。SAMUELWELLERGOTINTODIFFICULTIES
INaloftyroom，ill-lightedandworseventilated，situateinPortugalStreet，Lincoln’sInnFields，theresitnearlythewholeyearround，one，two，three，orfourgentlemeninwigs，asthecasemaybe，withlittlewritingdesksbeforethem，constructedafterthefashionofthoseusedbythejudgesoftheland，barringtheFrenchpolish。Thereisaboxofbarristersontheirrighthand。thereisaninclosureofinsolventdebtorsontheirleft。andthereisaninclinedplaneofmostespeciallydirtyfacesintheirfront。ThesegentlemenaretheCommissionersoftheInsolventCourt，andtheplaceinwhichtheysit，istheInsolventCourtitself。
Itis，andhasbeen，timeoutofmind，theremarkablefateofthisCourttobe，somehoworother，heldandunderstood，bythegeneralconsentofallthedestituteshabby-genteelpeopleinLondon，astheircommonresort，andplaceofdailyrefuge。Itisalwaysfull。Thesteamsofbeerandspiritsperpetuallyascendtotheceiling，and，beingcondensedbytheheat，rolldownthewallslikerain。therearemoreoldsuitsofclothesinitatonetime，thanwillbeofferedforsaleinallHoundsditchinatwelvemonth。
moreunwashedskinsandgrizzlybeardsthanallthepumpsandshavingshopsbetweenTyburnandWhitechapelcouldrenderdecent，betweensunriseandsunset。
Itmustnotbesupposedthatanyofthesepeoplehavetheleastshadowofbusinessin，ortheremotestconnectionwith，theplacetheysoindefatigablyattend。Iftheyhad，itwouldbenomatterofsurprise，andthesingularityofthethingwouldcease。Someofthemsleepduringthegreaterpartofthesitting。otherscarrysmallportabledinnerswrappedinpocket-handkerchiefsorstickingoutoftheirworn-outpockets，andmunchandlistenwithequalrelish。butnooneamongthemwaseverknowntohavetheslightestpersonalinterestinanycasethatwaseverbroughtforward。What-evertheydo，theretheysitfromthefirstmomenttothelast。Whenitisheavyrainyweather，theyallcomein，wetthrough。andatsuchtimesthevapoursoftheCourtarelikethoseofafungus-pit。
AcasualvisitormightsupposethisplacetobeaTemplededicatedtotheGeniusofSeediness。Thereisnotamessengerorprocess-serverattachedtoit，whowearsacoatthatwasmadeforhim。notatolerablyfresh，orwholesome-lookingmaninthewholeestablishment，exceptalittlewhite-headedapple-facedtipstaff，andevenhe，likeanillconditionedcherrypreservedinbrandy，seemstohaveartificiallydriedandwitheredupintoastateofpreservationtowhichhecanlaynonaturalclaim。Theverybarristers’
wigsareill-powdered，andtheircurlslackcrispness。
Buttheattorneys，whositatalargebaretablebelowtheCommissioners，are，afterall，thegreatestcuriosities。Theprofessionalestablishmentofthemoreopulentofthesegentlemen，consistsofabluebagandaboy：
generallyayouthoftheJewishpersuasion。Theyhavenofixedoffices，theirlegalbusinessbeingtransactedintheparloursofpublic-houses，ortheyardsofprisons：whithertheyrepairincrowds，andcanvassforcustomersafterthemannerofomnibuscads。Theyareofagreasyandmildewedappearance。andiftheycanbesaidtohaveanyvicesatall，perhapsdrinkingandcheatingarethemostconspicuousamongthem。TheirresidencesareusuallyontheoutskirtsoftheRules，chieflylyingwithinacircleofonemilefromtheobeliskinSt。George’sFields。Theirlooksarenotprepossessing，andtheirmannersarepeculiar。
Mr。SolomonPell，oneofthislearnedbody，wasafatflabbypaleman，inasurtoutwhichlookedgreenoneminuteandbrownthenext：withavelvetcollarofthesamechameleontints。Hisforeheadwasnarrow，hisfacewide，hisheadlarge，andhisnoseallononeside，asifNature，indignantwiththepropensitiessheobservedinhiminhisbirth，hadgivenitanangrytweakwhichithadneverrecovered。Beingshort-neckedandasthmatic，however，herespiredprincipallythroughthisfeature。so，perhaps，whatitwantedinornament，itmadeupinusefulness。
I’msuretobringhimthroughit，saidMr。Pell。
Areyouthough？repliedthepersontowhomtheassurancewaspledged。
Certainsure，repliedPell。butifhe’dgonetoanyirregularpractitioner，mindyou，Iwouldn’thaveansweredfortheconsequences。
Ah！saidtheother，withopenmouth。
No，thatIwouldn’t，saidMr。Pell。andhepurseduphislips，frowned，andshookhisheadmysteriously。
Now，theplacewherethisdiscourseoccurred，wasthepublic-housejustoppositetotheInsolventCourt。andthepersonwithwhomitwasheld，wasnootherthantheelderMr。Weller，whohadcomethere，tocomfortandconsoleafriend，whosepetitiontobedischargedundertheActwastobethatdayheard，andwhoseattorneyhewasatthatmomentconsulting。
AndvereisGeorge？inquiredtheoldgentleman。
Mr。Pelljerkedhisheadinthedirectionofabackparlour：whitherMr。Welleratoncerepairing，wasimmediatelygreetedinthewarmestandmostflatteringmannerbysomehalf-dozenofhisprofessionalbrethren，intokenoftheirgratificationathisarrival。Theinsolventgentleman，whohadcontractedaspeculativebutimprudentpassionforhorsinglongstages，whichhadledtohispresentembarrassments，lookedextremelywell，andwassoothingtheexcitementofhisfeelingswithshrimpsandporter。
ThesalutationbetweenMr。Wellerandhisfriendswasstrictlyconfinedtothefreemasonryofthecraft。consistingofajerkingroundoftherightwrist，andatossingofthelittlefingerintotheairatthesametime。
Weonceknewtwofamouscoachmentheyaredeadnow，poorfellowswhoweretwins，andbetweenwhomanunaffectedanddevotedattachmentexisted。
TheypassedeachotherontheDoverroad，everyday，fortwenty-fouryears，neverexchanginganyothergreetingthanthis。andyet，whenonedied，theotherpinedaway，andsoonafterwardsfollowedhim！
Vell，George，saidMr。Weller，senior，takingoffhisuppercoat，andseatinghimselfwithhisaccustomedgravity。Howisit？Allrightbehind，andfullinside？
Allright，oldfeller，repliedtheembarrassedgentleman。
Isthegreymaremadeovertoanybody？inquiredMr。Weller，anxiously。
Georgenoddedintheaffirmative。
Vell，that’sallright，saidMr。Weller。Coachtakencareon，also？
Con-signedinasafequarter，repliedGeorge，wringingtheheadsoffhalf-a-dozenshrimps，andswallowingthemwithoutanymoreado。
Werygood，werygood，saidMr。Weller。Alvaysseetothedragvenyougodownhill。Isthevay-billallclearandstraightfor’erd？
Theschedule，sir，saidPell，guessingatMr。Weller’smeaning，thescheduleisasplainandsatisfactoryaspenandinkcanmakeit。
Mr。Wellernoddedinamannerwhichbespokehisinwardapprovalofthesearrangements。andthen，turningtoMr。Pell，said，pointingtohisfriendGeorge：
Vendoyoutakehisclothsoff？
Why，repliedMr。Pell，hestandsthirdontheopposedlist，andI
shouldthinkitwouldbehisturninabouthalfanhour。Itoldmyclerktocomeoverandtelluswhentherewasachance。
Mr。Wellersurveyedtheattorneyfromheadtofootwithgreatadmiration，andsaidemphatically：
Andwhat’llyoutake，sir？
Why，really，repliedMr。Pell，you’revery。Uponmywordandhonour，I’mnotinthehabitof。It’ssoveryearlyinthemorning，that，actually，Iamalmost。Well，youmaybringmethreepenn’orthofrum，mydear。
Theofficiatingdamsel，whohadanticipatedtheorderbeforeitwasgiven，settheglassofspiritsbeforePell，andretired。
Gentlemen，saidMr。Pell，lookingrounduponthecompany，Successtoyourfriend！Idon’tliketoboast，gentlemen。it’snotmyway。butIcan’thelpsaying，that，ifyourfriendhadn’tbeenfortunateenoughtofallintohandsthat——butIwon’tsaywhatIwasgoingtosay。Gentlemen，myservicetoyou。Havingemptiedtheglassinatwinkling，Mr。Pellsmackedhislips，andlookedcomplacentlyroundontheassembledcoachmen，whoevidentlyregardedhimasaspeciesofdivinity。
Letmesee，saidthelegalauthority。WhatwasIa-saying，gentlemen？
Ithinkyouwasremarkin’asyouwouldn’thavenoobjectiontoanothero’thesame，sir，saidMr。Weller，withgravefacetiousness。
Ha，ha！laughedMr。Pell。Notbad，notbad。Aprofessionalman，too！
Atthistimeofthemorning，itwouldberathertoogooda。Well，Idon’tknow，mydear——youmaydothatagain，ifyouplease。Hem！
Thislastsoundwasasolemnanddignifiedcough，inwhichMr。Pell，observinganindecenttendencytomirthinsomeofhisauditors，considereditduetohimselftoindulge。
ThelateLordChancellor，gentlemen，wasveryfondofme，saidMr。
Pell。
Andwerycreditableinhim，too，interposedMr。Weller。
Hear，hear，assentedMr。Pell’sclient。Whyshouldn’thebe？
Ah！Why，indeed！saidaveryred-facedman，whohadsaidnothingyet，andwholookedextremelyunlikelytosayanythingmore。Whyshouldn’the？
Amurmurofassentranthroughthecompany。
Iremember，gentlemen，saidMr。Pell，diningwithhimononeoccasion——therewasonlyustwo，buteverythingassplendidasiftwentypeoplehadbeenexpected——thegreatsealonadumb-waiterathisrighthand，andamaninabag-wigandsuitofarmourguardingthemacewithadrawnswordandsilkstockings——whichisperpetuallydone，gentlemen，nightandday。whenhesaid，`Pell，’hesaid，`nofalsedelicacy，Pell。You’reamanoftalent。
youcangetanybodythroughtheInsolventCourt，Pell。andyourcountryshouldbeproudofyou。’Thosewerehisverywords。`MyLord，’Isaid，`youflatterme。’——`Pell，’hesaid，`ifIdo，I’mdamned。’
Didhesaythat？inquiredMr。Weller。
Hedid，repliedPell。
Vell，then，saidMr。Weller，IsayParliamentoughttoha’tookitup。andifhe’dbeenapoorman，theywouldha’doneit。
But，mydearfriend，arguedMr。Pell，itwasinconfidence。
Inwhat？saidMr。Weller。
Inconfidence。
Oh！werygood，repliedMr。Weller，afteralittlereflection。Ifhedamnedhis-selfinconfidence，o’coursethatwasanotherthing。
Ofcourseitwas，saidMr。Pell。Thedistinction’sobvious，youwillperceive。
Altersthecaseentirely，saidMr。Weller。Goon，sir。
No，Iwillnotgoon，sir，saidMr。Pell，inalowandserioustone。
Youhaveremindedme，sir，thatthisconversationwasprivate——privateandconfidential，gentlemen。Gentlemen，Iamaprofessionalman。ItmaybethatIamagooddeallookedupto，inmyprofession——itmaybethatIamnot。Mostpeopleknow。Isaynothing。Observationshavealreadybeenmade，inthisroom，injurioustothereputationofmynoblefriend。Youwillexcuseme，gentlemen。Iwasimprudent。IfeelthatIhavenorighttomentionthismatterwithouthisconcurrence。Thankyou，sir。thankyou。
Thusdeliveringhimself，Mr。Pellthrusthishandsintohispockets，and，frowninggrimlyaround，rattledthree-halfpencewithterribledetermination。
Thisvirtuousresolutionhadscarcelybeenformed，whentheboyandthebluebag，whowereinseparablecompanions，rushedviolentlyintotheroom，andsaidatleasttheboydid，forthebluebagtooknopartintheannouncementthatthecasewascomingondirectly。Theintelligencewasnosoonerreceivedthanthewholepartyhurriedacrossthestreet，andbegantofighttheirwayintoCourt——apreparatoryceremony，whichhasbeencalculatedtooccupy，inordinarycases，fromtwenty-fiveminutestothirty。
Mr。Weller，beingstout，casthimselfatonceintothecrowd，withthedesperatehopeofultimatelyturningupinsomeplacewhichwouldsuithim。Hissuccesswasnotquiteequaltohisexpectations。forhavingneglectedtotakehishatoff，itwasknockedoverhiseyesbysomeunseenperson，uponwhosetoeshehadalightedwithconsiderableforce。Apparently，thisindividualregrettedhisimpetuosityimmediatelyafterwards。for，mutteringanindistinctexclamationofsurprise，hedraggedtheoldmanoutintothehall，and，afteraviolentstruggle，releasedhisheadandface。
Samivel！exclaimedMr。Weller，whenhewasthusenabledtobeholdhisrescuer。
Samnodded。
You’readutifulandaffectionatelittleboy，youare，ain’tyou？
saidMr。Weller，tocomeabonnetin’yourfatherinhisoldage？
HowshouldIknowwhoyouwos？respondedtheson。Doyous’poseI
wostotellyoubytheweighto’yourfoot？
Vell，that’swerytrue，Sammy，repliedMr。Weller，mollifiedatonce。
butwotareyouadoin’onhere？Yourgov’norcan’tdonogoodhere，Sammy。
Theywon’tpassthatwerdick，theywon’tpassit，Sammy。AndMr。Wellershookhishead，withlegalsolemnity。
Wotaperwerseoldfileitis！exclaimedSam，alvaysagoin’onaboutwerdicksandalleybis，andthat。Whosaidanythingaboutthewerdick？
Mr。Wellermadenoreply，butoncemoreshookhisheadmostlearnedly。
Leaveoffrattlin’that’erenobo’yourn，ifyoudon’twantittocomeoffthespringsaltogether，saidSamimpatiently，andbehavereasonable。
IventallthevaydowntotheMarkiso’Granby，arteryou，lastnight。
DidyouseetheMarchionesso’Granby，Sammy？inquiredMr。Weller，withasigh。
Yes，I，did，repliedSam。
Howwosthedearcreeturalookin’？
Weryqueer，saidSam，Ithinkshe’sainjurin’herselfgradivallyvithtoomucho’that’erepine-applerum，andotherstrongmedicineso’
thesamenatur。
Youdon’tmeanthat，Sammy？saidthesenior，earnestly。
Ido，indeed，repliedthejunior。
Mr。Wellerseizedhisson’shand，claspedit，andletitfall。Therewasanexpressiononhiscountenanceindoingso——notofdismayorapprehension，butpartakingmoreofthesweetandgentlecharacterofhope。Agleamofresignation，andevenofcheerfulness，passedoverhisfacetoo，asheslowlysaid，Iain’tquitecertain，Sammy。Iwouldn’tliketosayIwosaltogetherpositive，incaseofanysubsekentdisappintment，butIraytherthink，myboy，Iraytherthink，thattheshepherd’sgotthelivercomplaint！
Doeshelookbad？inquiredSam。
He’suncommonpale，repliedhisfather，’ceptaboutthenose，wichisredderthanever。Hisappetiteisweryso-so，butheimbibeswunderful。
SomethoughtsoftherumappearedtoobtrudethemselvesonMr。Weller’smind，ashesaidthis。forhelookedgloomyandthoughtful。butheveryshortlyrecovered，aswastestifiedbyaperfectalphabetofwinks，inwhichhewasonlywonttoindulgewhenparticularlypleased。
Vell，now，saidSam，aboutmyaffair。Justopenthemearso’yourn，anddon’tsaynothin’tillI’vedone。Withthisbriefpreface，Samrelated，assuccinctlyashecould，thelastmemorableconversationhehadhadwithMr。Pickwick。
Stoptherebyhimself，poorcreetur！exclaimedtheelderMr。Weller，withoutnobodytotakehispart！Itcan’tbedone，Samivel，itcan’tbedone。
O’courseitcan’t，assertedSam：Iknow’dthat，aforeIcame。
Wy，they’lleathimupalive，Sammy，exclaimedMr。Weller。
Samnoddedhisconcurrenceintheopinion。
Hegoesinraytherraw，Sammy，saidMr。Wellermetaphorically，andhe’llcomeout，donesoex-ceedin’brown，thathismostfamiliarfriendswon’tknowhim。Roastpigeon’snothin’toit，Sammy。
AgainSamWellernodded。
Itoughtn’ttobe，Samivel，saidMr。Weller，gravely。
Itmustn’tbe，saidSam。
Cert’nlynot，saidMr。Weller。
Vellnow，saidSam，you’vebeenaprophecyin’away，weryfine，likeared-facedNixonasthesixpennybooksgivespicterson。
Whowoshe，Sammy？inquiredMr。Weller。
Nevermindwhohewas，retortedSam。hewarn’tacoachman。that’senoughforyou。
Iknow’daostlero’thatname，saidMr。Weller，musing。
Itwarn’thim，saidSam。Thisheregen’l’m’nwasaprophet。
Wot’saprophet？inquiredMr。Weller，lookingsternlyonhisson。
Wy，amanastellswhat’sagoin’tohappen，repliedSam。
IwishI’dknow’dhim，Sammy，saidMr。Weller。P’rapshemightha’
throw’dasmalllightonthat’erelivercomplaintaswewosaspeakin’
on，justnow。Hows’ever，ifhe’sdead，andain’tleftthebisnesstonobody，there’sanendonit。Goon，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，withasigh。
Well，saidSam，you’vebeenaprophecyin’avay，aboutwot’llhappentothegov’norifhe’sleftalone。Don’tyouseeanyvayo’takin’careonhim？
No，Idon’t，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，withareflectivevisage。
Novayatall？inquiredSam。
Novay，saidMr。Weller，unless——andagleamofintelligencelighteduphiscountenanceashesunkhisvoicetoawhisper，andappliedhismouthtotheearofhisoffspring：unlessitisgettinghimoutinaturn-upbedstead，unbeknowntotheturnkeys，Sammy，ordressin’himuplikeaold’oomanvithagreenwail。
SamWellerreceivedbothofthesesuggestionswithunexpectedcontempt，andagainpropoundedhisquestion。
No，saidtheoldgentleman。ifhevon’tletyoustopthere，Iseenovayatall。It’snothoroughfare，Sammy，nothoroughfare。
Well，then，I’lltellyouwotitis，saidSam，I’lltroubleyoufortheloanoffive-and-twentypound。
Wotgood’ullthatdo？inquiredMr。Weller。
Nevermind，repliedSam。P’rapsyoumayaskforit，fiveminitsartervards。
p’rapsImaysayIvon’tpay，andcutuprough。Youvon’tthinko’arrestin’
yourownsonforthemoney，andsendin’himofftotheFleet，willyou，youunnat’ralwagabone？
AtthisreplyofSam’s，thefatherandsonexchangedacompletecodeoftelegraphicnodsandgestures，afterwhich，theelderMr。Wellersathimselfdownonastonestep，andlaughedtillhewaspurple。
Wotaoldimageitis！exclaimedSam，indignantatthislossoftime。
Whatareyouasettin’downtherefor，con-wertin’yourfaceintoastreet-doorknocker，wenthere’ssomuchtobedone。Where’sthemoney？
Intheboot，Sammy，intheboot，repliedMr。Weller，composinghisfeatures。Holdmyhat，Sammy。
Havingdivestedhimselfofthisencumbrance，Mr。Wellergavehisbodyasuddenwrenchtooneside，and，byadexteroustwist，contrivedtogethisrighthandintoamostcapaciouspocket，fromwhence，afteragreatdealofpantingandexertion，heextricatedapocket-bookofthelargeoctavosize，fastenedbyahugeleathernstrap。Fromthisledgerhedrewforthacoupleofwhip-lashes，threeorfourbuckles，alittlesample-bagofcorn，andfinallyasmallrollofverydirtybank-notes：fromwhichheselectedtherequiredamount，whichhehandedovertoSam。
Andnow，Sammy，saidtheoldgentleman，whenthewhip-lashes，andthebuckles，andthesamples，hadbeenallputback，andthebookoncemoredepositedatthebottomofthesamepocket，Now，Sammy，Iknowagen’l’m’nhere，as’lldotheresto’thebisnessforus，innotime——alimbo’thelaw，Sammy，ashasgotbrainslikethefrogs，dispersedalloverhisbody，andreachin’tothewerytipsofhisfingers。afriendoftheLordChancellorship’s，Sammy，who’donlyhavetotellhimwhathewanted，andhe’dlockyouupforlife，ifthatwosall。
Isay，saidSam，noneo’that。
Noneo’wot？inquiredMr。Weller。
Wy，noneo’themunconstitootionalwayso’doingit，retortedSam。
Thehave-his-carcase，nexttotheperpetualmotion，isvunoftheblessedestthingsaswosevermade。I’vereadthat’ereinthenewspapers，weryof’en。
Well，wot’sthatgottodovithit？inquiredMr。Weller。
Justthishere，saidSam，thatI’llpatronisetheinwention，andgoin，thatvay。Novisperin’stotheChancellorship，Idon’tlikethenotion。Itmayn’tbealtogethersafe，vithreferencetogettin’outagin。
Deferringtohisson’sfeelinguponthispoint，Mr。WelleratoncesoughttheeruditeSolomonPell，andacquaintedhimwithhisdesiretoissueawrit，instantly，forthesumoftwenty-fivepounds，andcostsofprocess。
tobeexecutedwithoutdelayuponthebodyofoneSamuelWeller。thechargestherebyincurred，tobepaidinadvancetoSolomonPell。
Theattorneywasinhighglee，fortheembarrassedcoachhorserwasorderedtobedischargedforthwith。HehighlyapprovedofSam’sattachmenttohismaster。declaredthatitstronglyremindedhimofhisownfeelingsofdevotiontohisfriend，theChancellor。andatonceledtheelderMr。WellerdowntotheTemple，tosweartheaffidavitofdebt，whichtheboy，withtheassistanceofthebluebag，haddrawnuponthespot。
Meanwhile，Sam，havingbeenformallyintroducedtothewhitewashedgentlemanandhisfriends，astheoffspringofMr。Weller，oftheBelleSavage，wastreatedwithmarkeddistinction，andinvitedtoregalehimselfwiththeminhonouroftheoccasion。aninvitationwhichhewasbynomeansbackwardinaccepting。
Themirthofgentlemenofthisclassisofagraveandquietcharacter，usually。butthepresentinstancewasoneofpeculiarfestivity，andtheyrelaxedinproportion。AftersomerathertumultuoustoastingoftheChiefCommissionerandMr。SolomonPell，whohadthatdaydisplayedsuchtranscendentabilities，amottled-facedgentlemaninablueshawlproposedthatsomebodyshouldsingasong。Theobvioussuggestionwas，thatthemottled-facedgentleman，beinganxiousforasong，shouldsingithimself。butthisthemottled-facedgentlemansturdily，andsomewhatoffensively，declinedtodo。Uponwhich，asisnotunusualinsuchcases，aratherangrycolloquyensued。
Gentlemen，saidthecoach-horser，ratherthandisturbtheharmonyofthisdelightfuloccasion，perhapsMr。SamuelWellerwillobligethecompany。
Raly，gentlemen，saidSam，I’mnotwerymuchinthehabito’singin’
withouttheinstrument。butanythin’foraquietlife，asthemansaidwenhetookthesitivationatthelighthouse。
Withthisprelude，Mr。SamuelWellerburstatonceintothefollowingwildandbeautifullegend，which，undertheimpressionthatitisnotgenerallyknown，wetakethelibertyofquoting。Wewouldbegtocallparticularattentiontothemonosyllableattheendofthesecondandfourthlines，whichnotonlyenablesthesingertotakebreathatthosepoints，butgreatlyassiststhemetre。ROMANCEIBoldTurpinvunce，onHounslowHeath，HisboldmareBessbestrode——er。Ventherehesee’dtheBishop’scoachA-comingalongtheroad——er。Sohegallopsclosetothe’orse’slegs，Andheclapshisheadvithin。AndtheBishopsays，Sureaseggsiseggs，Thishere’stheboldTurpin！CHORUSAndtheBishopsays，Sureaseggsiseggs，Thishere’stheboldTurpin！IISaysTurpin，Youshalleatyourwords，Withasarseofleadenbul-let。Soheputsapistoltohismouth，Andhefiresitdownhisgul-let。Thecoachmanhenotlikin’thejob，Setoffatafullgal-lop，ButDickputacoupleofballsinhisnob，Andperwailedonhimtostop。CHORUSsarcasticallyButDickputacoupleofballsinhisnob，Andperwailedonhimtostop。
Imaintainthatthat’eresong’spersonaltothecloth，saidthemottled-facedgentleman，interruptingitatthispoint。Idemandthenameo’thatcoachman。
Nobodyknow’d，repliedSam。Hehadn’tgothiscardinhispocket。
Iobjecttotheintroductiono’politics，saidthemottle-facedgentleman。
Isubmitthat，inthepresentcompany，that’eresong’spolitical。and，wot’smuchthesame，thatitam’ttrue。Isaythatthatcoachmandidnotrunaway。butthathediedgame——gameaspheasants。andIwon’thearnothin’
saidtothecontrairey。
Asthemottled-facedgentlemanspokewithgreatenergyanddetermination：
andastheopinionsofthecompanyseemeddividedonthesubject：itthreatenedtogiverisetofreshaltercation，whenMr。WellerandMr。Pellmostopportunelyarrived。
Allright，Sammy，saidMr。Weller。
Theofficerwillbehereatfouro’clock，saidMr。Pell。Isupposeyouwon’trunawaymeanwhile，eh？Ha！Ha！
P’rapsmycruelpa’ullrelentaforethen，repliedSam，withabroadgrin。
NotI，saidtheelderMr。Weller。
Do，saidSam。
Notonnoaccount，repliedtheinexorablecreditor。
I’llgivebillsfortheamount，atsixpenceamonth，saidSam。
Iwon’ttake’em，saidMr。Weller。
Ha，ha，ha！verygood，verygood，saidMr。SolomonPell，whowasmakingouthislittlebillofcosts。averyamusingincidentindeed！Benjamin，copythat。AndMr。Pellsmiledagain，ashecalledMr。Weller’sattentiontotheamount。
Thankyou，thankyou，saidtheprofessionalgentleman，takingupanotherofthegreasynotesasMr。Wellertookitfromthepocket-book。Threetenandonetenisfive。Muchobligedtoyou，Mr。Weller。Yoursonisamostdeservingyoungman，verymuchsoindeed，sir。It’saverypleasanttraitinayoungman’scharacter，verymuchso，addedMr。Pell，smilingsmoothlyround，ashebuttonedupthemoney。
Wotagameitis！saidtheelderMr。Weller，withachuckle。Areg’larprodigyson！
Prodigal，prodigalson，sir，suggestedMr。Pell，mildly。
Nevermind，sir，saidMr。Weller，withdignity。Iknowwot’so’clock，sir。WenIdon’t，I’llaskyou，sir。
Bythetimetheofficerarrived，Samhadmadehimselfsoextremelypopular，thatthecongregatedgentlemendeterminedtoseehimtoprisoninabody。
So，offtheyset。theplaintiffanddefendantwalkingarm-in-arm。theofficerinfront。andeightstoutcoachmenbringinguptherear。AtSerjeant’sInnCoffee-housethewholepartyhaltedtorefresh，and，thelegalarrangementsbeingcompleted，theprocessionmovedonagain。
SomelittlecommotionwasoccasionedinFleetStreet，bythepleasantryoftheeightgentlemenintheflank，whoperseveredinwalkingfourabreast。
itwasalsofoundnecessarytoleavethemottled-facedgentlemanbehind，tofightaticket-porter，itbeingarrangedthathisfriendsshouldcallforhimastheycameback。Nothingbuttheselittleincidentsoccurredontheway。WhentheyreachedthegateoftheFleet，thecavalcade，takingthetimefromtheplaintiff，gavethreetremendouscheersforthedefendant，and，afterhavingshakenhandsallround，lefthim。
Sam，havingbeenformallydeliveredintothewarden’scustody，totheintenseastonishmentofRoker，andtotheevidentemotionofeventhephlegmaticNeddy，passedatonceintotheprison，walkedstraighttohismaster’sroom，andknockedatthedoor。
Comein，saidMr。Pickwick。
Samappeared，pulledoffhishat，andsmiled。
Ah，Sam，mygoodlad！saidMr。Pickwick，evidentlydelightedtoseehishumblefriendagain。Ihadnointentionofhurtingyourfeelingsyesterday，myfaithfulfellow，bywhatIsaid。Putdownyourhat，Sam，andletmeexplainmymeaning，alittlemoreatlength。
Won’tpresentlydo，sir？inquiredSam。
Certainly，saidMr。Pickwick。butwhynotnow？
I’draythernotnow，sir，rejoinedSam。
Why？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
’Cause——saidSam，hesitating。
Becauseofwhat？inquiredMr。Pickwick，alarmedathisfollower’smanner。Speakout，Sam。
’Cause，rejoinedSam。’causeI’vegotalittlebisnessasIwanttodo。
Whatbusiness？inquiredMr。Pickwick，surprisedatSam’sconfusedmanner。
Nothin’partickler，sir，repliedSam。
Oh，ifit’snothingparticular，saidMr。Pickwick，withasmile，youcanspeakwithmefirst。
IthinkI’dbetterseearteritatonce，saidSam，stillhesitating。
Mr。Pickwicklookedamazed，butsaidnothing。
Thefactis，saidSam，stoppingshort。
Well！saidMr。Pickwick。Speakout，Sam。
Why，thefactis，saidSam，withadesperateeffort，P’rapsI’dbetterseeartermybedaforeIdoanythin’else。
Yourbed！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，inastonishment。
Yes，mybed，sir，repliedSam。I’mapris’ner。Iwasarrested，thishereweryarternoon，fordebt。
Youarrestedfordebt！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，sinkingintoachair。
Yes，fordebt，sir，repliedSam。Andthemanasputsmein，’ullneverletmeout，tillyougoyourself。
Blessmyheartandsoul！ejaculatedMr。Pickwick。Whatdoyoumean？
WotIsay，sir，rejoinedSam。Ifit’sfortyyeartocome，Ishallbeapris’ner，andI’mwerygladonit，andifithadbeenNewgate，itwouldha’beenjustthesame。Nowthemurder’sout，and，damme，there’sanendonit！
Withthesewords，whichherepeatedwithgreatemphasisandviolence，SamWellerdashedhishatupontheground，inamostunusualstateofexcitement。
andthen，foldinghisarms，lookedfirmlyandfixedlyinhismaster’sface。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter44[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXLIVTREATSOFDIVERSLITTLEMATTERSWHICHOCCURREDIN
THEFLEET，ANDOFMR。WINKLE’SMYSTERIOUSBEHAVIOUR。ANDSHOWSHOWTHE
POORCHANCERYPRISONEROBTAINEDHISRELEASEATLAST
MR。PICKWICKfeltagreatdealtoomuchtouchedbythewarmthofSam’sattachment，tobeabletoexhibitanymanifestationofangerordispleasureattheprecipitatecoursehehadadopted，involuntarilyconsigninghimselftoadebtors’prison，foranindefiniteperiod。Theonlypointonwhichheperseveredindemandinganyexplanation，was，thenameofSam’sdetainingcreditor。butthisMr。
Wellerasperseveringlywithheld。
Itain’to’nouse，sir，saidSam，againandagain。He’sama-licious，bad-disposed，vorldly-minded，spiteful，windictivecreetur，withahardheartasthereain’tnosoft’nin。Asthewirtuousclergymanremarkedoftheoldgen’l’m’nwiththedropsy，venhesaid，thatuponthewholehethoughthe’draytherleavehispropertytohisvifethanbuildachapelvithit。
Butconsider，Sam，Mr。Pickwickremonstrated，thesumissosmallthatitcanveryeasilybepaid。andhavingmadeupmymindthatyoushallstopwithme，youshouldrecollecthowmuchmoreusefulyouwouldbe，ifyoucouldgooutsidethewalls。
Werymuchobligedtoyou，sir，repliedMr。Wellergravely。butI’draythernot。
Rathernotdowhat，Sam？
Wy，I’draythernotletmyselfdowntoaskafavouro’thishereunremorsefulenemy。
Butitisnofavouraskinghimtotakehismoney，Sam，reasonedMr。
Pickwick。
Begyourpardon，sir，rejoinedSam。butit’udbeawerygreatfavourtopayit，andhedon’tdeservenone。that’swhereitis，sir。
HereMr。Pickwickrubbinghisnosewithanairofsomevexation，Mr。
Wellerthoughtitprudenttochangethethemeofthediscourse。
Itakesmydeterminationonprinciple，sir，remarkedSam，andyoutakesyoursonthesameground。wichputsmeinmindo’themanaskilledhis-selfonprinciple，wicho’courseyou’veheerdon，sir。Mr。Wellerpausedwhenhearrivedatthispoint，andcastacomicallookathismasteroutofthecornersofhiseyes。
Thereisno`ofcourse’inthecase，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，graduallybreakingintoasmile，inspiteoftheuneasinesswhichSam’sobstinacyhadgivenhim。Thefameofthegentlemaninquestion，neverreachedmyears。
No，sir！exclaimedMr。Weller。Youastonishme，sir。hewosaclerkinagov’mentoffice，sir。
Washe？saidMr。Pickwick。
Yes，hewos，sir，rejoinedMr。Weller。andawerypleasantgen’l’m’ntoo——oneo’thepreciseandtidysort，asputstheirfeetinlittleIndia-rubberfire-bucketswenit’swetweather，andneverhasnootherbosomfriendsbuthare-skins。hesaveduphismoneyonprinciple，woreacleanshirtev’rydayonprinciple。neverspoketononeofhisrelationsonprinciple，’feartheyshou’dwanttoborrowmoneyofhim。andwosaltogether，infact，anuncommonagreeablecharacter。Hehadhishaircutonprinciplevunceafortnight，andcontractedforhisclothesontheeconomicprinciple——threesuitsayear，andsendbacktheolduns。Beingaweryreg’largen’l’m’n，hedin’dev’rydayatthesameplace，whereitwosoneandninetocutoffthejoint，andawerygoodoneandnine’sworthheusedtocut，asthelandlordoftensaid，withthetearsatricklin’downhisface：letalonethewayheusedtopokethefireinthevintertime，whichwosadeadlosso’four-penceha’pennyaday：tosaynothin’atallo’theaggrawationo’seein’himdoit。Souncommongrandwithittoo！`Postarterthenextgen’l’m’n，’hesingsoutev’rydayvenhecomesin。`SeeartertheTimes，Thomas。letmelookattheMornin’Herald，wenit’souto’hand。don’tforgettobespeaktheChronicle。andjustbringthe’Tizer，villyou：’
andthenhe’dsetvithhiseyesfixedontheclock，andrushout，justaquarterofaminitaforethetime，towaylaytheboyaswosacomin’
inwiththeevenin’paper，wichhe’dreadwithsichintenseinterestandperseweranceasworkedtheothercustomersuptotheweryconfineso’desperationandinsanity，’speciallyonei-rascibleoldgen’l’m’nasthevaiterwosalwaysobligedtokeepasharpeyeon，atsichtimes，fearheshouldbetemptedtocommitsomerashactwiththecarvingknife。Vell，sir，herehe’dstop，occupyin’thebestplaceforthreehours，andnevertakin’nothin’
arterhisdinner，butsleep，andthenhe’dgoawaytoacoffee-houseafewstreetsoff，andhaveasmallpoto’coffeeandfourcrumpets，arterwichhe’dwalkhometoKensingtonandgotobed。Onenighthewostookveryill。sendsforadoctor。doctorcomesinagreenfly，withakindo’RobinsonCrusoeseto’steps，ashecouldletdownwenhegotout，andpulluparterhimwenhegotin，toperwentthenecessityo’thecoachman’sgettin’down，andtherebyundeceivin’thepublicbylettin’’emseethatitwosonlyaliverycoatashe’dgoton，andnotthetrouserstomatch。
`Wot’sthematter？’saysthedoctor。`Weryill，’saysthepatient。`Wothaveyoubeenaeatin’on？’saysthedoctor。`Roastweal，’saysthepatient。
`Wot’sthelastthingyoudewoured？’saysthedoctor。`Crumpets，’saysthepatient。`That’sit！’saysthedoctor。`I’llsendyouaboxofpillsdirectly，anddon’tyounevertakenomoreof’em，’hesays。`Nomoreo’
wot？’saysthepatient——`Pills？’`No。crumpets，’saysthedoctor。`Wy？’
saysthepatient，startingupinbed。`I’veeatfourcrumpets，ev’rynightforfifteenyear，onprinciple。’`Well，then，you’dbetterleave’emoff，onprinciple，’saysthedoctor。`Crumpetsiswholesome，sir，’saysthepatient。`Crumpetsisnotwholesome，sir，’saysthedoctor，weryfierce。`Butthey’resocheap，’saysthepatient，comin’downalittle，`andsoweryfillin’attheprice。’`They’dbedeartoyou，atanyprice。
dearifyouwospaidtoeat’em，’saysthedoctor。`Fourcrumpetsanight，’
hesays，`villdoyourbusinessinsixmonths！’Thepatientlookshimfullintheface，andturnsitoverinhismindforalongtime，andatlasthesays，`Areyousureo’that’ere，sir？’`I’llstakemyprofessionalreputationonit，’saysthedoctor。`Howmanycrumpets，atasittin’，doyouthink’udkillmeoffatonce？’saysthepatient。`Idon’tknow，’saysthedoctor。`Doyouthinkhalfacrown’swurth’uddoit？’saysthepatient。
`Ithinkitmight，’saysthedoctor。`Threeshillins’wurth’udbesuretodoit，Is’pose？’saysthepatient。`Certainly，’saysthedoctor。`Werygood，’saysthepatient。`goodnight。’Nextmornin’hegetsup，hasafirelit，ordersinthreeshillins’wurtho’crumpets，toasts’emall，eats’emall，andblowshisbrainsout。
Whatdidhedothatfor？inquiredMr。Pickwickabruptly。forhewasconsiderablystartledbythistragicalterminationofthenarrative。
Wotdidhedoitfor，sir？reiteratedSam。Wyinsupportofhisgreatprinciplethatcrumpetswoswholesome，andtoshowthathewouldn’tbeputoutofhiswayfornobody！
Withsuchlikeshiftingsandchangingsofthediscourse，didMr。Wellermeethismaster’squestioningonthenightofhistakinguphisresidenceintheFleet。Findingallgentleremonstranceuseless，Mr。Pickwickatlengthyieldedareluctantconsenttohistakinglodgingsbytheweek，ofabald-headedcobbler，whorentedasmallslip-roominoneoftheuppergalleries。TothishumbleapartmentMr。Wellermovedamattressandbedding，whichhehiredofMr。Roker。and，bythetimehelaydownuponitatnight，wasasmuchathomeasifhehadbeenbredintheprison，andhiswholefamilyhadvegetatedthereinforthreegenerations。
Doyoualwayssmokearteryougoestobed，oldcock？inquiredMr。
Wellerofhislandlord，whentheyhadbothretiredforthenight。
Yes，Idoes，youngbantam，repliedthecobbler。
Willyouallowmetoin-quirewyyoumakeupyourbedunderthat’eredealtable？saidSam。
’CauseIwasalwaysusedtoafour-posteraforeIcamehere，andI
findthelegsofthetableanswerjustaswell，repliedthecobbler。
You’reacharacter，sir，saidSam。
Ihaven’tgotanythingofthekindbelongingtome，rejoinedthecobbler，shakinghishead。andifyouwanttomeetwithagoodone，I’mafraidyou’llfindsomedifficultyinsuitingyourselfatthisregisteroffice。
TheaboveshortdialoguetookplaceasMr。Wellerlayextendedonhismattressatoneendoftheroom，andthecobbleronhis，attheother。
theapartmentbeingilluminedbythelightofarushcandle，andthecobbler’spipe，whichwasglowingbelowthetable，likeared-hotcoal。Theconversation，briefasitwas，predisposedMr。Wellerstronglyinhislandlord’sfavour。
andraisinghimselfonhiselbowhetookamorelengthenedsurveyofhisappearancethanhehadyethadeithertimeorinclinationtomake。
Hewasasallowman——allcobblersare。andhadastrongbristlybeard——allcobblershave。Hisfacewasaqueer，good-tempered，crooked-featuredpieceofworkmanship，ornamentedwithacoupleofeyesthatmusthavewornaveryjoyousexpressionatonetime，fortheysparkledyet。Themanwassixty，byyears，andHeavenknowshowoldbyimprisonment，sothathishavinganylookapproachingtomirthorcontentmentwassingularenough。
Hewasalittleman，and，beinghalfdoubledupashelayinbed，lookedaboutaslongasheoughttohavebeenwithouthislegs。Hehadagreatredpipeinhismouth，andwassmoking，andstaringattherush-light，inastateofenviableplacidity。
Haveyoubeenherelong？inquiredSam，breakingthesilencewhichhadlastedforsometime。
Twelveyear，repliedthecobbler，bitingtheendofhispipeashespoke。
Contempt？inquiredSam。
Thecobblernodded。
Well，then，saidSam，withsomesternness，wotdoyoupersevereinbein’obstinitfor，vastin’yourpreciouslifeawayinthisheremagnifiedpound？Wydon’tyougivein，andtelltheChancellorshipthatyou’rewerysorryformakin’hiscourtcontemptible，andyouwon’tdosonomore？
Thecobblerputhispipeinthecornerofhismouth，whilehesmiled，andthenbroughtitbacktoitsoldplaceagain。butsaidnothing。
Wydon’tyou？saidSam，urginghisquestionstrenuously。
Ah，saidthecobbler，youdon’tquiteunderstandthesematters。Whatdoyousupposeruinedme，now？
Wy，saidSam，trimmingtherush-light，Is’posethebeginnin’wos，thatyougotintodebt，eh？
Neverowedafarden，saidthecobbler。tryagain。
Well，perhaps，saidSam，youboughthouses，wichisdelicateEnglishforgoin’mad：ortooktobuildin’，whichisamedicaltermforbein’incurable。
Thecobblershookhisheadandsaid，Tryagain。
Youdidn’tgotolaw，Ihope？saidSam，suspiciously。
Neverinmylife，repliedthecobbler。Thefactis，Iwasruinedbyhavingmoneyleftme。
Come，come，saidSam，thatvon’tdo。Iwishsomerichenemy’udtrytovorkmydestructioninthat’erevay。I’dlethim。
Oh，Idaresayyoudon’tbelieveit，saidthecobbler，quietlysmokinghispipe。Iwouldn’tifIwasyou。butit’strueforallthat。
Howwosit？inquiredSam，halfinducedtobelievethefactalready，bythelookthecobblergavehim。
Justthis，repliedthecobbler。anoldgentlemanthatIworkedfor，downinthecountry，andahumblerelationofwhoseImarried——she’sdead，Godblessher，andthankHimforit！——wasseizedwithafitandwentoff。
Where？inquiredSam，whowasgrowingsleepyafterthenumerouseventsoftheday。
HowshouldIknowwherehewent？saidthecobbler，speakingthroughhisnoseinanintenseenjoymentofhispipe。Hewentoffdead。
Oh，thatindeed，saidSam。Well？
Well，saidthecobbler，heleftfivethousandpoundbehindhim。
Andwerygen-teelinhimsotodo，saidSam。
Oneofwhich，continuedthecobbler，helefttome，’causeI’dmarriedhisrelation，yousee。
Werygood，murmuredSam。
Andbeingsurroundedbyagreatnumberofniecesandnevys，aswasalwaysaquarrellingandfightingamongthemselvesfortheproperty，hemakesmehisexecutor，andleavestheresttome：intrust，todivideitamong’emasthewillprovided。
Wotdoyoumeanbyleavin’itontrust？inquiredSam，wakingupalittle。Ifitain’treadymoney，where’stheuseonit？
It’salawterm，that’sall，saidthecobbler。
Idon’tthinkthat，saidSam，shakinghishead。There’swerylittletrustatthatshop。Hows’ever，goon。
Well，saidthecobbler：whenIwasgoingtotakeoutaprobateofthewill，theniecesandnevys，whowasdesperatelydisappointedatnotgettingallthemoney，entersacaveatagainstit。
What’sthat？inquiredSam。
Alegalinstrument，whichisasmuchastosay，it’snogo，repliedthecobbler。
Isee，saidSam，asortofbrother-in-lawo’thehave-his-carcase。
Well。
But，continuedthecobbler，findingthattheycouldn’tagreeamongthemselves，andconsequentlycouldn’tgetupacaseagainstthewill，theywithdrewthecaveat，andIpaidallthelegacies。I’dhardlydoneit，whenonenevybringsanactiontosetthewillaside。Thecasecomeson，somemonthsafterwards，aforeadeafoldgentleman，inabackroomsomewheredownbyPaul’sChurchyard。andarterfourcounselshadtakenadaya-piecetobotherhimregularly，hetakesaweekortwotoconsider，andreadtheevidenceinsixvollums，andthengiveshisjudgmentthathowthetestatorwasnotquiterightinhishead，andImustpayallthemoneybackagain，andallthecosts。Iappealed。thecasecomeonbeforethreeorfourverysleepygentlemen，whohadhearditallbeforeintheothercourt，wherethey’relawyerswithoutwork。theonlydifferencebeing，that，there，they’recalleddoctors，andintheotherplacedelegates，ifyouunderstandthat。
andtheyverydutifullyconfirmedthedecisionoftheoldgentlemanbelow。