Comealong，shoutedtheoldgentleman，addressingMr。Winkle。akeenhandlikeyououghttohavebeenuplongago，eventosuchpoorworkasthis。
Mr。Winklerespondedwithaforcedsmile，andtookupthesparegunwithanexpressionofcountenancewhichameta-physicalrook，impressedwithaforebodingofhisapproachingdeathbyviolence，maybesupposedtoassume。Itmighthavebeenkeenness，butitlookedremarkablylikemisery。
Theoldgentlemannodded。andtworaggedboyswhohadbeenmarshalledtothespotunderthedirectionoftheinfantLambert，forthwithcommencedclimbinguptwoofthetrees。
Whatarethoseladsfor？inquiredMr。Pickwickabruptly。Hewasratheralarmed。forhewasnotquitecertainbutthatthedistressoftheagriculturalinterest，aboutwhichhehadoftenheardagreatdeal，mighthavecompelledthesmallboysattachedtothesoiltoearnaprecariousandhazardoussubsistencebymakingmarksofthemselvesforin-experiencedsportsmen。
Onlytostartthegame，repliedMr。Wardle，laughing。
Towhat？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Why，inplainEnglishtofrightentherooks。
Oh！isthatall？
Youaresatisfied？
Quite。
Verywell。ShallIbegin？
Ifyouplease，saidMr。Winkle，gladofanyrespite。
Standaside，then。Nowforit。
Theboyshouted，andshookabranchwithanestonit。
Half-a-dozenyoungrooksinviolentconversation，flewouttoaskwhatthematterwas。Theoldgentlemanfiredbywayofreply。Downfellonebird，andoffflewtheothers。
Takehimup，Joe，saidtheoldgentleman。
Therewasasmileupontheyouth’sfaceasheadvanced。
Indistinctvisionsofrook-piefloatedthroughhisimagination。Helaughedasheretiredwiththebird——itwasaplumpone。
Now，Mr。Winkle，saidthehost，reloadinghisowngun。Fireaway。
Mr。Winkleadvanced，andlevelledhisgun。Mr。Pickwickandhisfriendscoweredinvoluntarilytoescapedamagefromtheheavyfallofrooks，whichtheyfeltquitecertainwouldbeoccasionedbythedevastatingbarreloftheirfriend。Therewasasolemnpause——ashout——aflappingofwings——afaintclick。
Hallo！saidtheoldgentleman。
Won’titgo？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Missedfire，saidMr。Winkle，whowasverypale：probablyfromdisappointment。
Odd，saidtheoldgentleman，takingthegun。Neverknewoneofthemmissfirebefore。Why，Idon’tseeanythingofthecap。
Blessmysoul，saidMr。Winkle。IdeclareIforgotthecap！
Theslightomissionwasrectified。Mr。Pickwickcrouchedagain。Mr。
Winklesteppedforwardwithanairofdeterminationandresolution。andMr。Tupmanlookedoutfrombehindatree。Theboyshouted。fourbirdsflewout。Mr。Winklefired。Therewasascreamasofanindividual——notarook——incorporealanguish。Mr。Tupmanhadsavedthelivesofinnumerableunoffendingbirdsbyreceivingaportionofthechargeinhisleftarm。
Todescribetheconfusionthatensuedwouldbeimpossible。TotellhowMr。PickwickinthefirsttransportsofhisemotioncalledMr。WinkleWretch！
howMr。Tupmanlayprostrateontheground。andhowMr。Winkleknelthorror-strickenbesidehim。howMr。TupmancalleddistractedlyuponsomefeminineChristianname，andthenopenedfirstoneeye，andthentheother，andthenfellbackandshutthemboth——allthiswouldbeasdifficulttodescribeindetail，asitwouldbetodepictthegradualrecoveringoftheunfortunateindividual，thebindingupofhisarmwithpocket-handkerchiefs，andtheconveyinghimbackbyslowdegreessupportedbythearmsofhisanxiousfriends。
Theydrewnearthehouse。Theladieswereatthegarden-gate，waitingfortheirarrivalandtheirbreakfast。Thespinsterauntappeared。shesmiled，andbeckonedthemtowalkquicker。’Twasevidentsheknewnotofthedisaster。Poorthing！therearetimeswhenignoranceisblissindeed。
Theyapproachednearer。
Why，whatisthematterwiththelittleoldgentleman？saidIsabellaWardle。Thespinsterauntheedednottheremark。shethoughtitappliedtoMr。Pickwick。InhereyesTracyTupmanwasayouth。sheviewedhisyearsthroughadiminishingglass。
Don’tbefrightened，calledouttheoldhost，fearfulofalarminghisdaughters。ThelittlepartyhadcrowdedsocompletelyroundMr。Tupman，thattheycouldnotyetclearlydiscernthenatureoftheaccident。
Don’tbefrightened，saidthehost。
What’sthematter？screamedtheladies。
Mr。Tupmanhasmetwithalittleaccident。that’sall。
Thespinsterauntutteredapiercingscream，burstintoanhystericlaugh，andfellbackwardsinthearmsofhernieces。
Throwsomecoldwateroverher，saidtheoldgentleman。
No，no，murmuredthespinsteraunt。Iambetternow。Bella，Emily——asurgeon！Ishewounded？Ishedead？——Ishe——ha，ha，ha！Herethespinsterauntburstintofitnumbertwo，ofhystericlaughterinterspersedwithscreams。
Calmyourself，saidMr。Tupman，affectedalmosttotearsbythisexpressionofsympathywithhissufferings。Dear，dearmadam，calmyourself。
Itishisvoice！exclaimedthespinsteraunt。andstrongsymptomsoffitnumberthreedevelopedthemselvesforthwith。
Donotagitateyourself，Ientreatyou，dearestmadam，saidMr。Tupmansoothingly。Iamverylittlehurt，Iassureyou。
Thenyouarenotdead！ejaculatedthehystericallady。Oh，sayyouarenotdead！
Don’tbeafool，Rachael，interposedMr。Wardle，rathermoreroughlythanwasquiteconsistentwiththepoeticnatureofthescene。Whatthedevil’stheuseofhissayingheisn’tdead？
No，no，Iamnot，saidMr。Tupman。Irequirenoassistancebutyours。
Letmeleanonyourarm。Headded，inawhisper，Oh，MissRachael！Theagitatedfemaleadvanced，andofferedherarm。Theyturnedintothebreakfastparlour。Mr。TracyTupmangentlypressedherhandtohislips，andsankuponthesofa。
Areyoufaint？inquiredtheanxiousRachael。
No，saidMr。Tupman。Itisnothing。Ishallbebetterpresently。
Heclosedhiseyes。
Hesleeps，murmuredthespinsteraunt。Hisorgansofvisionhadbeenclosednearlytwentyseconds。Dear——dear——Mr。Tupman！
Mr。Tupmanjumpedup——Oh，saythosewordsagain！heexclaimed。
Theladystarted。Surelyyoudidnothearthem！shesaid，bashfully。
Ohyes，Idid！repliedMr。Tupman。repeatthem。Ifyouwouldhavemerecover，repeatthem。
Hush！saidthelady。Mybrother。
Mr。TracyTupmanresumedhisformerposition。andMr。Wardle，accompaniedbyasurgeon，enteredtheroom。
Thearmwasexamined，thewounddressed，andpronouncedtobeaveryslightone。andthemindsofthecompanyhavingbeenthussatisfied，theyproceededtosatisfytheirappetiteswithcountenancestowhichanexpressionofcheerfulnesswasagainrestored。Mr。Pickwickalonewassilentandreserved。
Doubtanddistrustwereexhibitedinhiscountenance。HisconfidenceinMr。Winklehadbeenshaken——greatlyshaken——bytheproceedingsofthemorning。
Areyouacricketer？inquiredMr。Wardleofthemarksman。
Atanyothertime，Mr。Winklewouldhaverepliedintheaffirmative。
Hefeltthedelicacyofhissituation，andmodestlyreplied，No。
Areyou，sir？inquiredMr。Snodgrass。
Iwasonceuponatime，repliedthehost。butIhavegivenitupnow。Isubscribetotheclubhere，butIdon’tplay。
Thegrandmatchisplayedto-day，Ibelieve，saidMr。Pickwick。
Itis，repliedthehost。Ofcourseyouwouldliketoseeit。
I，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，amdelightedtoviewanysportswhichmaybesafelyindulgedin，andinwhichtheimpotenteffectsofunskilfulpeopledonotendangerhumanlife。Mr。Pickwickpaused，andlookedsteadilyonMr。Winkle，whoquailedbeneathhisleader’ssearchingglance。Thegreatmanwithdrewhiseyesafterafewminutes，andadded：Shallwebejustifiedinleavingourwoundedfriendtothecareoftheladies？
Youcannotleavemeinbetterhands，saidMr。Tupman。
Quiteimpossible，saidMr。Snodgrass。
ItwasthereforesettledthatMr。Tupmanshouldbeleftathomeinchargeofthefemales。andthattheremainderoftheguests，undertheguidanceofMr。Wardle，shouldproceedtothespotwherewastobeheldthattrialofskill，whichhadrousedallMuggletonfromitstorpor，andinoculatedDingleyDellwithafeverofexcitement。
Astheirwalk，whichwasnotabovetwomileslong，laythroughshadylanes，andsequesteredfootpaths，andastheirconversationturneduponthedelightfulscenery，bywhichtheywereoneverysidesurrounded，Mr。
Pickwickwasalmostinclinedtoregrettheexpeditiontheyhadused，whenhefoundhimselfinthemainstreetofthetownofMuggleton。
EverybodywhosegeniushasatopographicalbentknowsperfectlywellthatMuggletonisacorporatetown，withamayor，burgesses，andfreemen。
andanybodywhohasconsultedtheaddressesofthemayortothefreemen，orthefreementothemayor，orbothtothecorporation，orallthreetoParliament，willlearnfromthencewhattheyoughttohaveknownbefore，thatMuggletonisanancientandloyalborough，minglingazealousadvocacyofChristianprincipleswithadevotedattachmenttocommercialrights。
indemonstrationwhereof，themayor，corporation，andotherinhabitants，havepresentedatdiverstimes，nofewerthanonethousandfourhundredandtwentypetitionsagainstthecontinuanceofnegroslaveryabroad，andanequalnumberagainstanyinterferencewiththefactorysystemathome。
sixty-eightinfavourofthesaleoflivingsintheChurch，andeight-sixforabolishingSundaytradinginthestreet。
Mr。Pickwickstoodintheprincipalstreetofthisillustrioustown，andgazedwithanairofcuriosity，notunmixedwithinterest，ontheobjectsaroundhim。Therewasanopensquareforthemarket-place。andinthecentreofit，alargeinnwithasign-postinfront，displayinganobjectverycommoninart，butrarelymetwithinnature——towit，abluelion，withthreebowlegsintheair，balancinghimselfontheextremepointofthecentreclawofhisfourthfoot。Therewere，withinsight，anauctioneer’sandfire-agencyoffice，acorn-factor’s，alinen-draper’s，asaddler’s，adistiller’s，agrocer’s，andashoe-shop——thelast-mentionedwarehousebeingalsoappropriatedtothediffusionofhats，bonnets，wearingapparel，cottonumbrellas，andusefulknowledge。Therewasaredbrickhousewithasmallpavedcourt-yardinfront，whichanybodymighthaveknownbelongedtotheattorney。andtherewas，moreover，anotherredbrickhousewithVenetianblinds，andalargebrassdoor-plate，withaverylegibleannouncementthatitbelongedtothesurgeon。Afewboysweremakingtheirwaytothecricket-field。andtwoorthreeshop-keeperswhowerestandingattheirdoors，lookedasiftheywouldliketobemakingtheirwaytothesamespot，asindeedtoallappearancetheymighthavedone，withoutlosinganygreatamountofcustomthereby。Mr。Pickwickhavingpausedtomaketheseobservations，tobenoteddownatamoreconvenientperiod，hastenedtorejoinhisfriends，whohadturnedoutofthemainstreet，andwerealreadywithinsightofthefieldofbattle。
Thewicketswerepitched，andsowereacoupleofmarqueesfortherestandrefreshmentofthecontendingparties。Thegamehadnotyetcommenced。
TwoorthreeDingleyDellers，andAll-Muggletonians，wereamusingthemselveswithamajesticairbythrowingtheballcarelesslyfromhandtohand。
andseveralothergentlemendressedlikethem，instrawhats，flanneljackets，andwhitetrousers——acostumeinwhichtheylookedverymuchlikeamateurstone-masons——weresprinkledaboutthetents，towardsoneofwhichMr。
Wardleconductedtheparty。
SeveraldozenofHow-are-you’s？hailedtheoldgentleman’sarrival。
andageneralraisingofthestrawhats，andbendingforwardoftheflanneljackets，followedhisintroductionofhisguestsasgentlemenfromLondon，whowereextremelyanxioustowitnesstheproceedingsoftheday，withwhich，hehadnodoubt，theywouldbegreatlydelighted。
Youhadbetterstepintothemarquee，Ithink，sir，saidoneverystoutgentleman，whosebodyandlegslookedlikehalfagiganticrollofflannel，elevatedonacoupleofinflatedpillow-cases。
You’llfinditmuchpleasanter，sir，urgedanotherstoutgentleman，whostronglyresembledtheotherhalfoftherollofflannelaforesaid。
You’reverygood，saidMr。Pickwick。
Thisway，saidthefirstspeaker。theynotchinhere——it’sthebestplaceinthewholefield。andthecricketer，pantingonbefore，precededthemtothetent。
Capitalgame——smartsport——fineexercise——very，werethewordswhichfelluponMr。Pickwick’searasheenteredthetent。andthefirstobjectthatmethiseyeswashisgreen-coatedfriendoftheRochestercoach，holdingforth，tothenosmalldelightandedificationofaselectcircleofthechosenofAll-Muggleton。Hisdresswasslightlyimproved，andheworeboots。
buttherewasnomistakinghim。
Thestrangerrecognisedhisfriendsimmediately：and，dartingforwardandseizingMr。Pickwickbythehand，draggedhimtoaseatwithhisusualimpetuosity，talkingallthewhileasifthewholeofthearrangementswereunderhisespecialpatronageanddirection。
Thisway——thisway——capitalfun——lotsofbeer——hogs-heads。roundsofbeef——bullocks。mustard——cartloads。gloriousday——downwithyou——makeyourselfathome——gladtoseeyou——very。
Mr。Pickwicksatdownashewasbid，andMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassalsocompliedwiththedirectionsoftheirmysteriousfriend。Mr。Wardlelookedon，insilentwonder。
Mr。Wardle——afriendofmine，saidMr。Pickwick。
Friendofyours！——Mydearsir，howareyou？——Friendofmyfriend’s——givemeyourhand，sir——andthestrangergraspedMr。Wardle’shandwithallthefervourofacloseintimacyofmanyyears，andthensteppedbackapaceortwoasiftotakeafullsurveyofhisfaceandfigure，andthenshookhandswithhimagain，ifpossible，morewarmlythanbefore。
Well。andhowcameyouhere？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmileinwhichbenevolencestruggledwithsurprise。
Come，repliedthestranger——stoppingatCrown——CrownatMuggleton——metaparty——flanneljackets——whitetrousers——anchovysandwiches——devilledkidneys——splendidfellows——glorious。
Mr。Pickwickwassufficientlyversedinthestranger’ssystemofstenographytoinferfromthisrapidanddisjointedcommunicationthathehad，somehoworother，contractedanacquaintancewiththeAll-Muggletons，whichhehadconverted，byaprocesspeculiartohimself，intothatextentofgoodfellowshiponwhichageneralinvitationmaybeeasilyfounded。Hiscuriositywasthereforesatisfied，andputtingonhisspectacleshepreparedhimselftowatchtheplaywhichwasjustcommencing。
All-Muggletonhadthefirstinnings。andtheinterestbecameintensewhenMr。DumpkinsandMr。Podder，twoofthemostrenownedmembersofthatmostdistinguishedclub，walked，batinhand，totheirrespectivewickets。
Mr。Luffey，thehighestornamentofDingleyDell，waspitchedtobowlagainsttheredoubtableDumkins，andMr。StruggleswasselectedtodothesamekindofficeforthehithertounconqueredPodder。Severalplayerswerestationed，tolookout，indifferentpartsofthefield，andeachfixedhimselfintotheproperattitudebyplacingonehandoneachknee，andstoopingverymuchasifheweremakingabackforsomebeginneratleap-frog。
Alltheregularplayersdothissortofthing——indeedit’sgenerallysupposedthatitisquiteimpossibletolookoutproperlyinanyotherposition。
Theumpireswerestationedbehindthewickets。thescorerswerepreparedtonotchtheruns。abreathlesssilenceensued。Mr。LuffeyretiredafewpacesbehindthewicketofthepassivePodder，andappliedtheballtohisrighteyeforseveralseconds。DumkinsconfidentlyawaiteditscomingwithhiseyesfixedonthemotionsofLuffey。
Play！suddenlycriedthebowler。Theballflewfromhishandstraightandswifttowardsthecentrestumpofthewicket。ThewaryDumkinswasonthealert。itfelluponthetipofthebat，andboundedfarawayovertheheadsofthescouts，whohadjuststoopedlowenoughtoletitflyoverthem。
Run——run——another——Now，then，throwherup——upwithher——stopthere——another——no——yes——no——throwherup，throwherup！——Suchweretheshoutswhichfollowedthestroke。
and，attheconclusionofwhichAll-Muggletonhadscoredtwo。NorwasPodderbehindhandinearninglaurelswherewithtogarnishhimselfandMuggleton。
Heblockedthedoubtfulballs，missedthebadones，tookthegoodones，andsentthemflyingtoallpartsofthefield。Thescoutswerehotandtired。thebowlerswerechangedandbowledtilltheirarmsached。butDumkinsandPodderremainedunconquered。Didanelderlygentlemanessaytostoptheprogressoftheball，itrolledbetweenhislegsorslippedbetweenhisfingers。Didaslimgentlemantrytocatchit，itstruckhimonthenose，andboundedpleasantlyoffwithredoubledviolence，whiletheslimgentleman’seyefilledwithwater，andhisformwrithedwithanguish。Wasitthrownstraightuptothewicket，Dumkinshadreacheditbeforetheball。Inshort，whenDumkinswascaughtout，andPodderstumpedout，All-Muggletonhadnotchedsomefifty-four，whilethescoreoftheDingleyDellerswasasblankastheirfaces。Theadvantagewastoogreattoberecovered。InvaindidtheeagerLuffey，andtheenthusiasticStruggles，doallthatskillandexperiencecouldsuggest，toregainthegroundDingleyDellhadlostinthecontest——itwasofnoavail。andinanearlyperiodofthewinninggameDingleyDellgavein，andallowedthesuperiorprowessofAll-Muggleton。
Thestranger，meanwhile，hadbeeneating，drinking，andtalking，withoutcessation。Ateverygoodstrokeheexpressedhissatisfactionandapprovaloftheplayerinamostcondescendingandpatronisingmanner，whichcouldnotfailtohavebeenhighlygratifyingtothepartyconcerned。whileateverybadattemptatacatch，andeveryfailuretostoptheball，helaunchedhispersonaldispleasureattheheadofthedevotedindividualinsuchdenunciations——asAh，ah！——stupid——Now，butter-fingers——Muff——Humbug——andsoforth——ejaculationswhichseemedtoestablishhimintheopinionofallaround，asamostexcellentandundeniablejudgeofthewholeartandmysteryofthenoblegameofcricket。
Capitalgame——wellplayed——somestrokesadmirable，saidthestranger，asbothsidescrowdedintothetent，attheconclusionofthegame。
Youhaveplayedit，sir？inquiredMr。Wardle，whohadbeenmuchamusedbyhisloquacity。
Playedit！ThinkIhave——thousandsoftimes——nothere——WestIndies——excitingthing——hotwork——very。
Itmustberatherawarmpursuitinsuchaclimate，observedMr。Pickwick。
Warm！——redhot——scorching——glowing。Playedamatchonce——singlewicket——friendtheColonel——SirThomasBlazo——whoshouldgetthegreatestnumberofruns——Wonthetoss——firstinnings——seveno’clockA。M——sixnativestolookout——wentin。keptin——heatintense——nativesallfainted——takenaway——freshhalf-dozenordered——faintedalso——Blazobowling——supportedbytwonatives——couldn’tbowlmeout——faintedtoo——clearedawaytheColonel——wouldn’tgivein——faithfulattendant——QuankoSamba——lastmanleft——sunsohot，batinblisters，ballscorchedbrown——fivehundredandseventyruns——ratherexhausted——Quankomustereduplastremainingstrength——bowledmeout——hadabath，andwentouttodinner。
Andwhatbecameofwhat’s-his-name，sir？inquiredanoldgentleman。
Blazo？
No——theothergentleman。
QuankoSamba？
Yes，sir。
PoorQuanko——neverrecoveredit——bowledon，onmyaccount——bowledoff，onhisown——died，sir。Herethestrangerburiedhiscountenanceinabrownjug，butwhethertohidehisemotionorimbibeitscontents，wecannotdistinctlyaffirm。Weonlyknowthathepausedsuddenly，drewalonganddeepbreath，andlookedanxiouslyon，astwooftheprincipalmembersoftheDingleyDellclubapproachedMr。Pickwick，andsaid——
WeareabouttopartakeofaplaindinnerattheBlueLion，sir。wehopeyouandyourfriendswilljoinus。
Ofcourse，saidMr。Wardle，amongourfriendsweincludeMr。
andhelookedtowardsthestranger。
Jingle，saidthatversatilegentleman，takingthehintatonce。Jingle——AlfredJingle，Esq。，ofNoHall，Nowhere。
Ishallbeveryhappy，Iamsure，saidMr。Pickwick。
SoshallI，saidMr。AlfredJingle，drawingonearmthroughMr。Pickwick’s，andanotherthroughMr。Wardle’s，ashewhisperedconfidentiallyintheearoftheformergentleman：——
Devilishgooddinner——cold，butcapital——peepedintotheroomthismorning——fowlsandpies，andallthatsortofthing——pleasantfellowsthese——wellbehaved，too——very。
Therebeingnofurtherpreliminariestoarrange，thecompanystraggledintothetowninlittleknotsoftwosandthrees。andwithinaquarterofanhourwereallseatedinthegreatroomoftheBlueLionInn，Muggleton——Mr。
Dumkinsactingaschairman，andMr。Luffeyofficiatingasvice。
Therewasavastdealoftalkingandrattlingofknivesandforks，andplates：agreatrunningaboutofthreeponderousheadedwaiters，andarapiddisappearanceofthesubstantialviandsonthetable。toeachandeveryofwhichitemofconfusion，thefacetiousMr。Jinglelenttheaidofhalf-a-dozenordinarymenatleast。Wheneverybodyhadeatenasmuchaspossible，theclothwasremoved，bottles，glasses，anddessertwereplacedonthetable。andthewaiterswithdrewtoclearaway，orinotherwords，toappropriatetotheirownprivateuseandemolumentwhateverremnantsoftheeatablesanddrinkablestheycouldcontrivetolaytheirhandson。
Amidstthegeneralhumofmirthandconversationthatensued，therewasalittlemanwithapuffySay-nothing-to-me，-or-I’ll-contradict-yousortofcountenance，whoremainedveryquiet。occasionallylookingroundhimwhentheconversationslackened，asifhecontemplatedputtinginsomethingveryweighty。andnowandthenburstingintoashortcoughofinexpressiblegrandeur。Atlength，duringamomentofcomparativesilence，thelittlemancalledoutinaveryloud，solemnvoice，——
Mr。Luffey！
Everybodywashushedintoaprofoundstillnessastheindividualaddressed，replied——
Sir！
Iwishtoaddressafewwordstoyou，sir，ifyouwillentreatthegentlementofilltheirglasses。
Mr。Jingleutteredapatronisinghear，hear，whichwasrespondedtobytheremainderofthecompany：andtheglasseshavingbeenfilledtheVice-Presidentassumedanairofwisdominastateofprofoundattention，andsaid——
Mr。Staple。
Sir，saidthelittleman，rising，IwishtoaddresswhatIhavetosaytoyouandnottoourworthychairman，becauseourworthychairmanisinsomemeasure——Imaysayinagreatdegree——thesubjectofwhatI
havetosay，orImaysay——to——
State，suggestedMr。Jingle——
Yes，tostate，saidthelittleman。Ithankmyhonourablefriend，ifhewillallowmetocallhimso——four`hears，’andonecertainlyfromMr。Jingle——forthesuggestion。Sir，IamaDeller——aDingleyDellercheers。
IcannotlayclaimtothehonourofforminganiteminthepopulationofMuggleton。nor，sir，Iwillfranklyadmit，doIcovetthathonour：andIwilltellyouwhy，sir——hear。toMuggletonIwillreadilyconcedeallthosehonoursanddistinctionstowhichitcanfairlylayclaim——theyaretoonumerousandtoowellknowntorequireaidorrecapitulationfromme。
But，sir，whilewerememberthatMuggletonhasgivenbirthtoaDumkinsandaPodder，letusneverforgetthatDingleyDellcanboastaLuffeyandaStruggles。Vociferouscheering。Letmenotbeconsideredaswishingtodetractfromthemeritsoftheformergentlemen。Sir，Ienvythemtheluxuryoftheirownfeelingsonthisoccasion。Cheers。Everygentlemanwhohearsme，isprobablyacquaintedwiththereplymadebyanindividual，who——touseanordinaryfigureofspeech——`hungout’inatub，totheemperorAlexander：——`IfIwerenotDiogenes，’saidhe，`IwouldbeAlexander。’
Icanwellimaginethesegentlementosay，`IfIwerenotDumkinsIwouldbeLuffey。ifIwerenotPodderIwouldbeStruggles。’Enthusiasm。But，gentlemenofMuggleton，isitincricketalonethatyourfellow-townsmenstandpre-eminent？HaveyouneverheardofDumkinsanddetermination？HaveyouneverbeentaughttoassociatePodderwithproperty？Greatapplause。
Haveyounever，whenstrugglingforyourrights，yourliberties，andyourprivileges，beenreduced，ifonlyforaninstant，tomisgivinganddespair？
Andwhenyouhavebeenthusdepressed，hasnotthenameofDumkinslaidafreshwithinyourbreastthefirewhichhadjustgoneout。andhasnotawordfromthatman，lighteditagainasbrightlyasifithadneverexpired？
Greatcheering。Gentlemen，Ibegtosurroundwitharichhaloofenthusiasticcheeringtheunitednamesof`DumkinsandPodder。’
Herethelittlemanceased，andherethecompanycommencedaraisingofvoices，andthumpingoftables，whichlastedwithlittleintermissionduringtheremainderoftheevening。Othertoastsweredrunk。Mr。LuffeyandMr。Struggles，Mr。PickwickandMr。Jingle，were，eachinhisturn，thesubjectofunqualifiedeulogium。andeachinduecoursereturnedthanksforthehonour。
Enthusiasticasweareinthenoblecausetowhichwehavedevotedourselves，weshouldhavefeltasensationofpridewhichwecannotexpress，andaconsciousnessofhavingdonesomethingtomeritimmortalityofwhichwearenowdeprived，couldwehavelaidthefaintestoutlineoftheseaddressesbeforeourardentreaders。Mr。Snodgrass，asusual，tookagreatmassofnotes，whichwouldnodoubthaveaffordedmostusefulandvaluableinformation，hadnottheburningeloquenceofthewordsorthefeverishinfluenceofthewinemadethatgentleman’shandsoextremelyunsteady，astorenderhiswritingnearlyunintelligible，andhisstylewhollyso。Bydintofpatientinvestigation，wehavebeenenabledtotracesomecharactersbearingafaintresemblancetothenamesofthespeakers。andwecanalsodiscernanentryofasongsupposedtohavebeensungbyMr。Jingle，inwhichthewordsbowlsparklingrubybrightandwinearefrequentlyrepeatedatshortintervals。Wefancytoo，thatwecandiscernattheveryendofthenotes，someindistinctreferencetobroiledbones。andthenthewordscoldwithoutoccur。butasanyhypothesiswecouldfounduponthemmustnecessarilyrestuponmereconjecture，wearenotdisposedtoindulgeinanyofthespeculationstowhichtheymaygiverise。
WewillthereforereturntoMr。Tupman：merelyaddingthatwithinsomefewminutesbeforetwelveo’clockthatnight，theconvocationofworthiesofDingleyDellandMuggletonwereheardtosing，withgreatfeelingandemphasis，thebeautifulandpatheticnationalairofWewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，’Tilldaylightdothappear。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter8[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERVIIISTRONGLYILLUSTRATIVEOFTHEPOSITION，THATTHECOURSE
OFTRUELOVEISNOTARAILWAY
THEquietseclusionofDingleyDell，thepresenceofsomanyofthegentlersex，andthesolicitudeandanxietytheyevincedinhisbehalfwereallfavourabletothegrowthanddevelopmentofthosesofterfeelingswhichnaturehadimplanteddeepinthebosomofMr。TracyTupman，andwhichnowappeareddestinedtocentreinonelovelyobject。
Theyoungladieswerepretty，theirmannerswinning，theirdispositionsunexceptionable。buttherewasadignityintheair，atouch-me-not-ishnessinthewalk，amajestyintheeyeofthespinsteraunt，towhich，attheirtimeoflife，theycouldlaynoclaim，whichdistinguishedherfromanyfemaleonwhomMr。Tupmanhadevergazed。Thattherewassomethingkindredintheirnature，somethingcongenialintheirsouls，somethingmysteriouslysympatheticintheirbosoms，wasevident。HernamewasthefirstthatrosetoMr。Tupman’slipsashelaywoundedonthegrass。andherhystericlaughterwasthefirstsoundthatfelluponhisearwhenhewassupportedtothehouse。Buthadheragitationarisenfromanamiableandfemininesensibilitywhichwouldhavebeenequallyirrepressibleinanycase。orhaditbeencalledforthbyamoreardentandpassionatefeeling，whichhe，ofallmenliving，couldaloneawaken？Thesewerethedoubtswhichrackedhisbrainashelayextendedonthesofa：thesewerethedoubtswhichhedeterminedshouldbeatonceandforeverresolved。
Itwasevening。IsabellaandEmilyhadstrolledoutwithMr。Trundle。
thedeafoldladyhadfallenasleepinherchair。thesnoringofthefatboy，penetratedinalowandmonotonoussoundfromthedistantkitchen。
thebuxomservantswereloungingattheside-door，enjoyingthepleasantnessofthehour，andthedelightsofaflirtation，onfirstprinciples，withcertainunwieldyanimalsattachedtothefarm。andtheresattheinterestingpair，uncaredforbyall，caringfornone，anddreamingonlyofthemselves。
theretheysat，inshort，likeapairofcarefully-foldedkid-gloves——boundupineachother。
Ihaveforgottenmyflowers，saidthespinsteraunt。
Waterthemnow，saidMr。Tupmaninaccentsofpersuasion。
Youwilltakecoldintheeveningair，urgedthespinsteraunt，affectionately。
No，no，saidMr。Tupmanrising。itwilldomegood。Letmeaccompanyyou。
Theladypausedtoadjusttheslinginwhichtheleftarmoftheyouthwasplaced，andtakinghisrightarmledhimtothegarden。
Therewasaboweratthefurtherend，withhoneysuckle，jessamine，andcreepingplants——oneofthosesweetretreatswhichhumanemenerectfortheaccommodationofspiders。
Thespinsteraunttookupalargewatering-potwhichlayinonecorner，andwasabouttoleavethearbour。Mr。Tupmandetainedher，anddrewhertoaseatbesidehim。
MissWardle！saidhe。
Thespinsteraunttrembled，tillsomepebbleswhichhadaccidentallyfoundtheirwayintothelargewatering-potshooklikeaninfant’srattle。
Mr。Wardle，saidMr。Tupman，youareanangel。
Mr。Tupman！exclaimedRachael，blushingasredasthewatering-potitself。
Nay，saidtheeloquentPickwickian——Iknowitbuttoowell。
Allwomenareangelstheysay，murmuredthelady，playfully。
Thenwhatcanyoube。ortowhat，withoutpresumption，canI
compareyou？repliedMr。Tupman。Wherewasthewomaneverseenwhoresembledyou？WhereelsecouldIhopetofindsorareacombinationofexcellenceandbeauty？WhereelsecouldIseekto——Oh！HereMr。Tupmanpaused，andpressedthehandwhichclaspedthehandleofthehappywatering-pot。
Theladyturnedasideherhead。Menaresuchdeceivers，shesoftlywhispered。
Theyare，theyare，ejaculatedMr。Tupman。butnotallmen。Therelivesatleastonebeingwhocanneverchange——onebeingwhowouldbecontenttodevotehiswholeexistencetoyourhappiness——wholivesbutinyoureyes——whobreathesbutinyoursmiles——whobearstheheavyburdenoflifeitselfonlyforyou。
Couldsuchanindividualbefound，saidthelady——
Buthecanbefound，saidtheardentMr。Tupman，interposing。
Heisfound。Heishere，MissWardle。Anderetheladywasawareofhisintention，Mr。Tupmanhadsunkuponhiskneesatherfeet。
Mr。Tupman，rise，saidRachael。
Never！wasthevalorousreply。Oh，Rachael！——Heseizedherpassivehand，andthewatering-potfelltothegroundashepressedittohislips——Oh，Rachael！sayyouloveme。
Mr。Tupman，saidthespinsteraunt，withavertedhead——Icanhardlyspeakthewords。but——but——youarenotwhollyindifferenttome。
Mr。Tupmannosoonerheardthisavowal，thanheproceededtodowhathisenthusiasticemotionsprompted，andwhat，foraughtweknowforwearebutlittleacquaintedwithsuchmatters，peoplesocircumstancedalwaysdo。Hejumpedup，and，throwinghisarmroundtheneckofthespinsteraunt，imprinteduponherlipsnumerouskisses，whichafteradueshowofstrugglingandresistance，shereceivedsopassively，thatthereisnotellinghowmanymoreMr。Tupmanmighthavebestowed，iftheladyhadnotgivenaveryunaffectedstartandexclaimedinanaffrightedtone——
Mr。Tupman，weareobserved！——wearediscovered！
Mr。Tupmanlookedround。Therewasthefatboy，perfectlymotionless，withhislargecirculareyesstaringintothearbour，butwithouttheslightestexpressiononhisfacethatthemostexpertphysiognomistcouldhavereferredtoastonishment，curiosity，oranyotherknownpassionthatagitatesthehumanbreast。Mr。Tupmangazedonthefatboy，andthefatboystaredathim。andthelongerMr。Tupmanobservedtheuttervacancyofthefatboy’scountenance，themoreconvincedhebecamethatheeitherdidnotknow，ordidnotunderstand，anythingthathadbeengoingforward。Underthisimpression，hesaidwithgreatfirmness——
Whatdoyouwanthere，sir？
Supper’sready，sir，wasthepromptreply。
Haveyoujustcomehere，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman，withapiercinglook。
Just，repliedthefatboy。
Mr。Tupmanlookedathimveryhardagain。buttherewasnotawinkinhiseye，oracurveinhisface。
Mr。Tupmantookthearmofthespinsteraunt，andwalkedtowardsthehouse。thefatboyfollowedbehind。
Heknowsnothingofwhathashappened，hewhispered。
Nothing，saidthespinsteraunt。
Therewasasoundbehindthem，asofanimperfectlysuppressedchuckle。
Mr。Tupmanturnedsharplyround。No。itcouldnothavebeenthefatboy。
therewasnotagleamofmirth，oranythingbutfeedinginhiswholevisage。
Hemusthavebeenfastasleep，whisperedMr。Tupman。
Ihavenottheleastdoubtofit，repliedthespinsteraunt。
Theybothlaughedheartily。
Mr。Tupmanwaswrong。Thefatboy，foronce，hadnotbeenfastasleep。
Hewasawake——wideawake——towhathadbeengoingforward。
Thesupperpassedoffwithoutanyattemptatageneralconversation。
Theoldladyhadgonetobed。IsabellaWardledevotedherselfexclusivelytoMr。Trundle。thespinster’sattentionswerereservedforMr。Tupman。
andEmily’sthoughtsappearedtobeengrossedbysomedistantobject——possiblytheywerewiththeabsentSnodgrass。
Eleven——twelve——oneo’clockhadstruck，andthegentlemenhadnotarrived。
Consternationsatoneveryface。Couldtheyhavebeenwaylaidandrobbed？
Shouldtheysendmenandlanternsineverydirectionbywhichtheycouldbesupposedlikelytohavetravelledhome？orshouldthey——Hark！theretheywere。Whatcouldhavemadethemsolate？Astrangevoice，too！Towhomcoulditbelong？Theyrushedintothekitchenwhitherthetruantshadrepaired，andatonceobtainedrathermorethanaglimmeringoftherealstateofthecase。
Mr。Pickwick，withhishandsinhispocketsandhishatcockedcompletelyoverhislefteye，wasleaningagainstthedresser，shakinghisheadfromsidetoside，andproducingaconstantsuccessionoftheblandestandmostbenevolentsmileswithoutbeingmovedthereuntobyanydiscerniblecauseorpretencewhatsoever。oldMr。Wardle，withahighly-inflamedcountenance，wasgraspingthehandofastrangegentlemanmutteringprotestationsofeternalfriendship。Mr。Winkle，supportinghimselfbytheeight-dayclock，wasfeeblyinvokingdestructionupontheheadofanymemberofthefamilywhoshouldsuggesttheproprietyofhisretiringforthenight。andMr。
Snodgrasshadsunkintoachair，withanexpressionofthemostabjectandhopelessmiserythatthehumanmindcanimagine，portrayedineverylineamentofhisexpressiveface。
Isanythingthematter？inquiredthethreeladies。
Nothingthematter，repliedMr。Pickwick。We——we’re——allright——I
say，Wardle，we’reallright，an’twe？
Ishouldthinkso，repliedthejollyhost——Mydears，here’smyfriend，Mr。Jingle——Mr。Pickwick’sfriend，Mr。Jingle，come’pon——littlevisit。
IsanythingthematterwithMr。Snodgrass，sir？inquiredEmily，withgreatanxiety。
Nothingthematter，ma’am，repliedthestranger。Cricketdinner——gloriousparty——capitalsongs——oldport——claret——good——verygood——wine，ma’am——wine。
Itwasn’tthewine，murmuredMr。Snodgrass，inabrokenvoice。Itwasthesalmon。Somehoworother，itneveristhewine，inthesecases。
Hadn’ttheybettergotobed，ma’am？inquiredEmma。Twooftheboyswillcarrythegentlemenup-stairs。
Iwon’tgotobed，saidMr。Winkle，firmly。
Nolivingboyshallcarryme，saidMr。Pickwick，stoutly——andhewentonsmilingasbefore。
Hurrah！gaspedMr。Winkle，faintly。
Hurrah！echoedMr。Pickwick，takingoffhishatanddashingitonthefloor，andinsanelycastinghisspectaclesintothemiddleofthekitchen——Atthishumorousfeathelaughedoutright。
Let’s——have——’nother——bottle，criedMr。Winkle，commencinginaveryloudkey，andendinginaveryfaintone。Hisheaddroppeduponhisbreast。
and，mutteringhisinvincibledeterminationnottogotohisbed，andasanguinaryregretthathehadnotdoneforoldTupmaninthemorning，hefellfastasleep。inwhichconditionhewasbornetohisapartmentbytwoyounggiantsunderthepersonalsuperintendenceofthefatboy，towhoseprotectingcareMr。Snodgrassshortlyafterwardsconfidedhisownperson。Mr。PickwickacceptedtheprofferedarmofMr。Tupmanandquietlydisappeared，smilingmorethanever。andMr。Wardle，aftertakingasaffectionatealeaveofthewholefamilyasifhewereorderedforimmediateexecution，consignedtoMr。Trundlethehonourofconveyinghimupstairs，andretired，withaveryfutileattempttolookimpressivelysolemnanddignified。
Whatashockingscene！saidthespinsteraunt。
Dis——gusting！ejaculatedboththeyoungladies。
Dreadful——dreadful！saidJingle，lookingverygrave：hewasaboutabottleandahalfaheadofanyofhiscompanions。Horridspectacle——very！
Whataniceman！whisperedthespinsteraunttoMr。Tupman。
Good-looking，too！whisperedEmilyWardle。
Oh，decidedly，observedthespinsteraunt。
Mr。TupmanthoughtofthewidowatRochester：andhismindwastroubled。
Thesucceedinghalf-hour’sconversationwasnotofanaturetocalmhisperturbedspirit。Thenewvisitorwasverytalkative，andthenumberofhisanecdoteswasonlytotheexceededbytheextentofhispoliteness。
Mr。TupmanfeltthatasJingle’spopularityincreased，heTupmanretiredfurtherintotheshade。Hislaughterwasforced——hismerrimentfeigned。
andwhenatlasthelaidhisachingtemplesbetweenthesheets，hethought，withhorriddelight，onthesatisfactionitwouldaffordhimtohaveJingle’sheadatthatmomentbetweenthefeatherbedandthemattress。
Theindefatigablestrangerrosebetimesnextmorning，and，althoughhiscompanionsremainedinbedoverpoweredwiththedissipationofthepreviousnight，exertedhimselfmostsuccessfullytopromotethehilarityofthebreakfast-table。Sosuccessfulwerehisefforts，thateventhedeafoldladyinsistedonhavingoneortwoofhisbestjokesretailedthroughthetrumpet。andevenshecondescendedtoobservetothespinsteraunt，thathemeaningJinglewasanimpudentyoungfellow：asentimentinwhichallherrelationsthenandtherepresentthoroughlycoincided。
Itwastheoldlady’shabitonthefinesummermorningstorepairtothearbourinwhichMr。Tupmanhadalreadysignalisedhimself，informandmannerfollowing：first，thefatboyfetchedfromapegbehindtheoldlady’sbed-roomdoor，acloseblacksatinbonnet，awarmcottonshawl，andathickstickwithacapacioushandle。andtheoldladyhavingputonthebonnetandshawlatherleisure，wouldleanonehandonthestickandtheotheronthefatboy’sshoulder，andwalkleisurelytothearbour，wherethefatboywouldleavehertoenjoythefreshairforthespaceofhalfanhour。attheexpirationofwhichtimehewouldreturnandreconducthertothehouse。
Theoldladywasverypreciseandveryparticular。andasthisceremonyhadbeenobservedforthreesuccessivesummerswithouttheslightestdeviationfromtheaccustomedform，shewasnotalittlesurprisedonthisparticularmorning，toseethefatboy，insteadofleavingthearbour，walkafewpacesoutofit，lookcarefullyroundhimineverydirection，andreturntowardsherwithgreatstealthandanairofthemostprofoundmystery。
Theoldladywastimorous——mostoldladiesare——andherfirstimpressionwasthatthebloatedladwasabouttodohersomegrievousbodilyharmwiththeviewofpossessinghimselfofherloosecoin。Shewouldhavecriedforassistance，butageandinfirmityhadlongagodeprivedherofthepowerofscreaming。she，therefore，watchedhismotionswithfeelingsofintenseterror，whichwereinnodegreediminishedbyhiscomingcloseuptoher，andshoutinginherearinanagitated，andasitseemedtoher，athreateningtone——
Missus！
NowitsohappenedthatMr。Jinglewaswalkinginthegardenclosetothearbouratthismoment。HetooheardtheshoutofMissus，andstoppedtohearmore。Therewerethreereasonsforhisdoingso。Inthefirstplace，hewasidleandcurious。secondly，hewasbynomeansscrupulous。thirdly，andlastly，hewasconcealedfromviewbysomefloweringshrubs。Sotherehestood，andtherehelistened。
Missus！shoutedthefatboy。
Well，Joe，saidthetremblingoldlady。I’msureIhavebeenagoodmistresstoyou，Joe。Youhaveinvariablybeentreatedverykindly。Youhaveneverhadtoomuchtodo。andyouhavealwayshadenoughtoeat。
Thislastwasanappealtothefatboy’smostsensitivefeelings。Heseemedtouched，ashereplied，emphatically——
IknowsIhas。
Thenwhatcanyouwanttodonow？saidtheoldlady，gainingcourage。
Iwantstomakeyourfleshcreep，repliedtheboy。
Thissoundedlikeaverybloodthirstymodeofshowingone’sgratitude。
andastheoldladydidnotpreciselyunderstandtheprocessbywhichsucharesultwastobeattained，allherformerhorrorsreturned。
WhatdoyouthinkIseeinthisveryarbourlastnight？inquiredtheboy。
Blessus！What？exclaimedtheoldlady，alarmedatthesolemnmannerofthecorpulentyouth。
Thestrangegentleman——himashadhisarmhurt——akissin’andhuggin’——
Who，Joe？Noneoftheservants，Ihope。
Worserthanthat，roaredthefatboy，intheoldlady’sear。
Notoneofmygrand-da’aters？
Worserthanthat。
Worsethanthat，Joe！saidtheoldlady，whohadthoughtthistheextremelimitofhumanatrocity。Whowasit，Joe？Iinsistuponknowing。
Thefatboylookedcautiouslyround，andhavingconcludedhissurvey，shoutedintheoldlady’sear：
MissRachael。
What！saidtheoldlady，inashrilltone。Speaklouder。
MissRachael，roaredthefatboy。
Myda’ater！
Thetrainofnodswhichthefatboygavebywayofassentcommunicatedablanc-mange-likemotiontohisfatcheeks。
Andshesufferedhim！exclaimedtheoldlady。
Agrinstoleoverthefatboy’sfeaturesashesaid：
Iseeherakissin’ofhimagin。
IfMr。Jingle，fromhisplaceofconcealment，couldhavebeheldtheexpressionwhichtheoldlady’sfaceassumedatthiscommunication，theprobabilityisthatasuddenburstoflaughterwouldhavebetrayedhisclosevicinitytothesummer-house。Helistenedattentively。Fragmentsofangrysentencessuchas，Withoutmypermission！——Athertimeoflife——Miserableold’oomanlikeme——MighthavewaitedtillIwasdead，andsoforth，reachedhisears。andthenheheardtheheelsofthefatboy’sbootscrunchingthegravel，asheretiredandlefttheoldladyalone。
Itwasaremarkablecoincidenceperhaps，butitwasneverthelessafact，thatMr。JinglewithinfiveminutesafterhisarrivalatManorFarmontheprecedingnight，hadinwardlyresolvedtolaysiegetotheheartofthespinsteraunt，withoutdelay。Hehadobservationenoughtosee，thathisoff-handmannerwasbynomeansdisagreeabletothefairobjectofhisattack。andhehadmorethanastrongsuspicionthatshepossessedthatmostdesirableofallrequisites，asmallindependence。Theimperativenecessityofoustinghisrivalbysomemeansorother，flashedquicklyuponhim，andheimmediatelyresolvedtoadoptcertainproceedingstendingtothatendandobject，withoutamoment’sdelay。Fieldingtellsusthatmanisfire，andwomantow，andthePrinceofDarknesssetsalightto’em。Mr。Jingleknewthatyoungmen，tospinsteraunts，areaslightedgastogunpowder，andhedeterminedtoessaytheeffectofanexplosionwithoutlossoftime。
Fullofreflectionsuponthisimportantdecision，hecreptfromhisplaceofconcealment，and，undercoveroftheshrubsbeforementioned，approachedthehouse。Fortuneseemeddeterminedtofavourhisdesign。Mr。
Tupmanandtherestofthegentlemenleftthegardenbythesidegatejustasheobtainedaviewofit。andtheyoungladies，heknew，hadwalkedoutalone，soonafterbreakfast。Thecoastwasclear。
Thebreakfast-parlourdoorwaspartiallyopen。Hepeepedin。Thespinsterauntwasknitting。Hecoughed。shelookedupandsmiled。HesitationformednopartofMr。AlfredJingle’scharacter。Helaidhisfingeronhislipsmysteriously，walkedin，andclosedthedoor。
MissWardle，saidMr。Jingle，withaffectedearnestness，forgiveintrusion——shortacquaintance——notimeforceremony——alldiscovered。
Sir！saidthespinsteraunt，ratherastonishedbytheunexpectedapparitionandsomewhatdoubtfulofMr。Jingle’ssanity。
Hush！saidMr。Jingle，inastagewhisper——largeboy——dumplingface——roundeyes——rascal！Hereheshookhisheadexpressively，andthespinsteraunttrembledwithagitation。
IpresumeyoualludetoJoseph，sir？saidthelady，makinganefforttoappearcomposed。
Yes，ma’am——damnthatJoe！——treacherousdog，Joe——toldtheoldlady——oldladyfurious——wild——raving——arbour——Tupman——kissingandhugging——allthatsortofthing——eh，ma’am——eh？
Mr。Jingle，saidthespinsteraunt，ifyoucomehere，sir，toinsultme——
Notatall——bynomeans，repliedtheunabashedMr。Jingle——overheardthetale——cametowarnyouofyourdanger——tendermyservices——preventthehubbub。Nevermind——thinkitaninsult——leavetheroom——andheturned，asiftocarrythethreatintoexecution。
WhatshallIdo！saidthepoorspinster，burstingintotears。
Mybrotherwillbefurious。
Ofcoursehewill，saidMr。Jingle，pausing——outrageous。
Oh，Mr。Jingle，whatcanIsay！exclaimedthespinsteraunt，inanotherfloodofdespair。
Sayhedreamit，repliedMr。Jingle，coolly。
Arayofcomfortdartedacrossthemindofthespinsterauntatthissuggestion。Mr。Jingleperceivedit，andfolloweduphisadvantage。
Pooh，pooh！——nothingmoreeasy——blackguardboy——lovelywoman——fatboyhorsewhipped——youbelieved——endofthematter——allcomfortable。
Whethertheprobabilityofescapingfromtheconsequencesofthisill-timeddiscoverywasdelightfultothespinster’sfeelings，orwhetherthehearingherselfdescribedasalovelywomansoftenedtheasperityofhergrief，weknownot。Sheblushedslightly，andcastagratefullookonMr。Jingle。
Thatinsinuatinggentlemansigheddeeply，fixedhiseyesonthespinsteraunt’sfaceforacoupleofminutes，startedmelodramatically，andsuddenlywithdrewthem。
Youseemunhappy，Mr。Jingle，saidthelady，inaplaintivevoice。
MayIshowmygratitudeforyourkindinterference，byinquiringintothecause，withaview，ifpossible，toitsremoval？
Ha！exclaimedMr。Jingle，withanotherstart——removal！removemyunhappiness，andyourlovebestoweduponamanwhoisinsensibletotheblessing——whoevennowcontemplatesadesignupontheaffectionsofthenieceofthecreaturewho——butno。heismyfriend。Iwillnotexposehisvices。MissWardle——farewell！Attheconclusionofthisaddress，themostconsecutivehewaseverknowntoutter，Mr。Jingleappliedtohiseyestheremnantofahandkerchiefbeforenoticed，andturnedtowardsthedoor。
Stay，Mr。Jingle！saidthespinsterauntemphatically。YouhavemadeanallusiontoMr。Tupman——explainit。
Never！exclaimedJingle，withaprofessionali。e。theatrical
air。Never！and，bywayofshowingthathehadnodesiretobequestionedfurther，hedrewachairclosetothatofthespinsterauntandsatdown。
Mr。Jingle，saidtheaunt，Ientreat——Iimploreyou，ifthereisanydreadfulmysteryconnectedwithMr。Tupman，revealit。
CanI，saidMr。Jingle，fixinghiseyesontheaunt’sface——canI
see——lovelycreature——sacrificedattheshrine——heartlessavarice！Heappearedtobestrugglingwithvariousconflictingemotionsforafewseconds，andthensaidinalowdeepvoice——
Tupmanonlywantsyourmoney。
Thewretch！exclaimedthespinster，withenergeticindignation。Mr。
Jingle’sdoubtswereresolved。Shehadmoney。
Morethanthat，saidJingle——lovesanother。
Another！ejaculatedthespinster。Who？
Shortgirl——blackeyes——nieceEmily。
Therewasapause。
Now，iftherewereoneindividualinthewholeworld，ofwhomthespinsterauntentertainedamortalanddeeply-rootedjealousy，itwasthisidenticalniece。Thecolourrushedoverherfaceandneck，andshetossedherheadinsilencewithanairofineffablecontempt。Atlast，bitingherthinlips，andbridlingup，shesaid——
Itcan’tbe。Iwon’tbelieveit。
Watch’em，saidJingle。
Iwill，saidtheaunt。
Watchhislooks。
Iwill。
Hiswhispers。
Iwill。
He’llsitnextherattable。
Lethim。
He’llflatterher。
Lethim。
He’llpayhereverypossibleattention。
Lethim。
Andhe’llcutyou。
Cutme！screamedthespinsteraunt。Hecutme——willhe！andshetrembledwithrageanddisappointment。
Youwillconvinceyourself？saidJingle。
Iwill。
You’llshowyourspirit？
Iwill。
You’llnothavehimafterwards？
Never。
You’lltakesomebodyelse？
Yes。
Youshall。
Mr。Jinglefellonhisknees，remainedthereuponforfiveminutesthereafter：
androsetheacceptedloverofthespinsteraunt：conditionallyuponMr。
Tupman’sperjurybeingmadeclearandmanifest。
TheburdenofprooflaywithMr。AlfredJingle。andheproducedhisevidencethatverydayatdinner。Thespinsterauntcouldhardlybelievehereyes。Mr。TracyTupmanwasestablishedatEmily’sside，ogling，whispering，andsmiling，inoppositiontoMr。Snodgrass。Notaword，notalook，notaglance，didhebestowuponhisheart’sprideoftheeveningbefore。
Damnthatboy！thoughtoldMr。Wardletohimself——Hehadheardthestoryfromhismother。Damnthatboy！Hemusthavebeenasleep。
It’sallimagination。
Traitor！thoughtthespinsteraunt。DearMr。Jinglewasnotdeceivingme。Ugh！howIhatethewretch！
ThefollowingconversationmayservetoexplaintoourreadersthisapparentlyunaccountablealterationofdeportmentonthepartofMr。TracyTupman。
Thetimewasevening。thescenethegarden。Thereweretwofigureswalkinginasidepath。onewasrathershortandstout。theotherrathertallandslim。TheywereMr。TupmanandMr。Jingle。Thestoutfigurecommencedthedialogue。
HowdidIdoit？heinquired。
Splendid——capital——couldn’tactbettermyself——youmustrepeatthepartto-morrow——everyevening，tillfurthernotice。
DoesRachaelstillwishit？
Ofcourse——shedon’tlikeit——butmustbedone——avertsuspicion——afraidofherbrother——saysthere’snohelpforit——onlyafewdaysmore——whenoldfolksblinded——crownyourhappiness。
Anymessage？
Love——bestlove——kindestregards——unalterableaffection。CanIsayanythingforyou？
Mydearfellow，repliedtheunsuspiciousMr。Tupman，ferventlygraspinghisfriend’shand——carrymybestlove——sayhowhardIfindittodissemble——sayanythingthat’skind。butaddhowsensibleIamofthenecessityofthesuggestionshemadetome，throughyou，thismorning。SayIapplaudherwisdomandadmireherdiscretion。
Iwill。Anythingmore？
Nothing。onlyaddhowardentlyIlongforthetimewhenImaycallhermine，andalldissimulationmaybeunnecessary。
Certainly，certainly。Anythingmore？
Oh，myfriend！saidpoorMr。Tupman，againgraspingthehandofhiscompanion，receivemywarmestthanksforyourdisinterestedkindness。
andforgivemeifIhaveever，eveninthought，doneyoutheinjusticeofsupposingthatyoucouldstandinmyway。Mydearfriend，canIeverrepayyou？
Don’ttalkofit，repliedMr。Jingle。Hestoppedshort，asifsuddenlyrecollectingsomething，andsaid——By-the-bye——can’tsparetenpounds，canyou？——veryparticularpurpose——payyouinthreedays。
IdaresayIcan，repliedMr。Tupman，inthefulnessofhisheart。
Threedays，yousay？
Onlythreedays——alloverthen——nomoredifficulties。
Mr。Tupmancountedthemoneyintohiscompanion’shand，andhedroppeditpiecebypieceintohispocket，astheywalkedtowardsthehouse。
Becareful，saidMr。Jingle——notalook。
Notawink，saidMr。Tupman。
Notasyllable。
Notawhisper。
Allyourattentionstotheniece——ratherrude，thanotherwise，totheaunt——onlywayofdeceivingtheoldones。
I’lltakecare，saidMr。Tupmanaloud。
AndI’lltakecare，saidMr。Jingleinternally。andtheyenteredthehouse。