SuchwastheinfamouscompanyinwhichIfoundmyself,andthoughI
tookitsmeasuredirectly,yetIdidnotmakemyescape,nordidI
resolvenevertogotothehouseagain。Iwasfascinated;IthoughtIwouldbeonmyguardandbesafe,andasIonlywantedthedaughterIlookedonallelseasoflittlemoment。
AttableIledtheconversation,andthoughtthatmypreywouldsoonbewithinmygrasp。TheonlythingwhichannoyedmewasthattheCharpillon,afterapologizingforhavingmademesitdowntosuchapoordinner,invitedherselfandallthecompanytosupwithmeonanydayIlikedtomention。Icouldmakenoopposition,soIbeggedhertonamethedayherself,andshedidso,afteraconsultationwithherworthyfriends。
Aftercoffeehadbeenservedweplayedfourrubbersofwhist,atwhichIlost,andatmidnightIwentawayillpleasedwithmyself,butwithnopurposeofamendment,forthissorceresshadgotmeinhertoils。
AllthesameIhadthestrengthofmindtorefrainfromseeingherfortwodays,andonthethird,whichwasthedayappointedforthecursedsupper,sheandherauntpaidmeacallatnineo’clockinthemorning。
\"Ihavecometobreakfastwithyou,andtodiscussacertainquestion,\"saidshe,inthemostengagingmanner。
\"Willyoutellmeyourbusinessnow,orafterbreakfast?\"
\"Afterbreakfast;forwemustbealone。\"
Wehadourbreakfast,andthentheauntwentintoanotherroom,andtheCharpillon,afterdescribingthemonetarysituationofthefamily,toldmethatitwouldbemuchrelievedifherauntcouldobtainahundredguineas。
\"Whatwouldshedowiththemoney?\"
\"ShewouldmaketheBalmofLife,ofwhichshepossessesthesecret,andnodoubtshewouldmakeherfortune,too。\"
Shethenbegantodilateonthemarvellouspropertiesofthebalm,onitsprobablesuccessinatownlikeLondon,andonthebenefitswhichwouldaccruetomyself,forofcourseIshouldshareintheprofits。
Sheaddedthathermotherandauntwouldgivemeawrittenpromisetorepaythemoneyinthecourseofsixyears。
\"Iwillgiveyouadecidedansweraftersupper。\"
Ithenbegantocaressher,andtomakeassaultsinthestyleofanamorousman,butitwasallinvain,thoughIsucceededinstretchingheronalargesofa。Shemadeherescape,however,andrantoheraunt,whileIfollowedher,feelingobligedtolaughasshedid。Shegavemeherhand,andsaid,——
\"Farewell,tillthisevening。\"
Whentheyweregone,Ireflectedoverwhathadpassedandthoughtthisfirstsceneofnobadaugury。IsawthatIshouldgetnothingoutofherwithoutspendingahundredguineas,andIdeterminednottoattempttobargain,butIwouldletherunderstandthatshemustmakeuphermindnottoplayprude。Thegamewasinmyhands,andallIhadtodowastotakecarenottobeduped。
Intheeveningthecompanyarrived,andthegirlaskedmetoholdabanktillsupperwasready;butIdeclined,withaburstoflaughterthatseemedtopuzzleher。
\"Atleast,letushaveagameofwhist,\"saidshe。
\"Itseemstome,\"Ianswered,\"thatyoudon’tfeelveryanxioustohearmyreply。\"
\"Youhavemadeupyourmind,Isuppose?\"
\"Ihave,followme。\"
Shefollowedmeintoanadjoiningroom,andaftershehadseatedherselfonasofa,Itoldherthatthehundredguineaswereatherdisposal。
\"Thenpleasetogivethemoneytomyaunt,otherwisethesegentlemenmightthinkIgotitfromyoubysomeimpropermeans。\"
\"Iwilldoso。\"
Itriedtogetpossessionofher,butinvain;andIceasedmyendeavourswhenshesaid,——
\"Youwillgetnothingfrommeeitherbymoneyorviolence;butyoucanhopeforallwhenIfindyoureallyniceandquiet。\"
Ire—enteredthedrawing—room,andfeelingmybloodboilingIbegantoplaytoquietmyself。Shewasasgayasever,buthergaietytiredme。AtsupperIhadheronmyrighthand,butthehundredimpertinenceswhich,underothercircumstances,wouldhaveamusedme,onlyweariedme,afterthetworebuffsIhadreceivedfromher。
Aftersupper,justastheyweregoing,shetookmeaside,andtoldmethatifIwantedtohandoverthehundredguineasshewouldtellheraunttogowithmeintothenextroom。
\"Asdocumentshavetobeexecuted,\"Ireplied,\"itwilltakesometime;wewilltalkofitagain。
\"Won’tyoufixthetime?\"
Idrewoutmypursefullofgold,andshewedither,saying,——
\"Thetimedependsentirelyonyou。\"
Whenmyhatefulguestsweregone,Ibegantoreflect,andcametotheconclusionthatthisyoungadventuresshaddeterminedtoplundermewithoutgivingmeanythinginreturn。Ideterminedtohavenothingmoretodowithher,butIcouldnotgetherbeautyoutofmymind。
IfeltIwantedsomedistraction,somethingthatwouldgivemenewaimsandmakemeforgether。WiththisideaIwenttoseemydaughter,takingwithmeanimmensebagofsweets。
AssoonasIwasinthemidstofthelittleflock,thedelightbecamegeneral,Sophiedistributingthesweetmeatstoherfriends,whoreceivedthemgratefully。
Ispentahappyday,andforaweekortwoIpaidseveralvisitstoHarwich。Themistresstreatedmewiththeutmostpolitenessandmydaughterwithboundlessaffection,alwayscallingme\"dearpapa。\"
InlessthanthreeweeksIcongratulatedmyselfonhavingforgottentheCharpillon,andonhavingreplacedherbyinnocentamours,thoughoneofmydaughter’sschoolmatespleasedmerathertoomuchformypeaceofmind。
SuchwasmyconditionwhenonemorningthefavouriteauntoftheCharpillonpaidmeacall,andsaidthattheywereallmystifiedatnothavingseenmesincethesupperIhadgiventhem,especiallyherself,asherniecehadgivenhertounderstandthatIwouldfurnishherwiththemeansofmakingtheBalmofLife。
\"Certainly;Iwouldhavegivenyouthehundredguineasifyourniecehadtreatedmeasafriend,butsherefusedmefavoursavestalmighthavegranted,andyoumustbeawarethatsheisbynomeansavestal。\"
\"Don’tmindmylaughing。Mynieceisaninnocent,giddygirl;shelovesyou,butsheisafraidyouhaveonlyapassingwhimforher。
Sheisinbednowwithabadcold,andifyouwillcomeandseeherI
amsureyouwillbesatisfied。\"
Theseartfulremarks,whichhadnodoubtbeenpreparedinadvance,oughttohavearousedallmyscorn,butinsteadofthattheyawakenedthemostviolentdesires。Ilaughedinchoruswiththeoldwoman,andaskedwhatwouldbethebesttimetocall。
\"Comenow,andgiveoneknock。\"
\"Verygood,thenyoumayexpectmeshortly。\"
Icongratulatedmyselfonbeingonthevergeofsuccess,foraftertheexplanationIhadhadwiththeaunt,andhaving,asIthought,afriendinher,IdidnotdoubtthatIshouldsucceed。
Iputonmygreatcoat,andinlessthanaquarterofanhourI
knockedattheirdoor。Theauntopenedtome,andsaid,——
\"Comebackinaquarterofanhour;shehasbeenorderedabath,andisjustgoingtotakeit。\"
\"Thisisanotherimposture。You’reasbadaliarassheis。\"
\"Youarecruelandunjust,andifyouwillpromisetobediscreet,I
willtakeyouuptothethirdfloorwheresheisbathing。\"
\"Verygood;takeme。\"Shewentupstairs,Ifollowingontiptoe,andpushedmeintoaroom,andshutthedooruponme。TheCharpillonwasinahugebath,withherheadtowardsthedoor,andtheinfernalcoquette,pretendingtothinkitwasheraunt,didnotmove,andsaid,——
\"Givemethetowels,aunt。\"
Shewasinthemostseductiveposture,andIhadthepleasureofgazingonherexquisiteproportions,hardlyveiledbythewater。
Whenshecaughtsightofme,orratherpretendedtodoso,shegaveashriek,huddledherlimbstogether,andsaid,withaffectedanger,——
\"Begone!\"
\"Youneedn’texertyourvoice,forIamnotgoingtobeduped。\"
\"Begone!\"
\"Notso,givemealittletimetocollectmyself。\"
\"Itellyou,go!\"
\"Calmyourself,anddon’tbeafraidofmyskewingyouanyviolence;
thatwouldsuityourgametoowell。\"
\"Myauntshallpaydearlyforthis。\"
\"Shewillfindmeherfriend。Iwon’ttouchyou,soshewmealittlemoreofyourcharms。\"
\"Moreofmycharms?\"
\"Yes;putyourselfasyouwerewhenIcamein。\"
\"Certainlynot。Leavetheroom。\"
\"IhavetoldyouIamnotgoing,andthatyouneednotfearforyour……well,foryourvirginity,wewillsay。\"
Shethenshewedmeapicturemoreseductivethanthefirst,andpretendingkindliness,said,——
\"Please,leaveme;Iwillnotfailtoshewmygratitude。\"
Seeingthatshegotnothing,thatIrefrainedfromtouchingher,andthatthefireshehadkindledwasinafairwaytobeputout,sheturnedherbacktometogivemetounderstandthatitwasnopleasuretohertolookatme。However,mypassionswererunninghigh,andIhadtohaverecoursetoself—abusetocalmmysenses,andwasgladtofindmyselfrelieved,asthisprovedtomethatthedesirewentnodeeperthanthesenses。
TheauntcameinjustasIhadfinished,andIwentoutwithoutaword,wellpleasedtofindmyselfdespisingacharacterwhereinprofitandlossusurpedtheplaceoffeeling。
TheauntcametomeasIwasgoingoutofthehouse,andafterenquiringifIweresatisfiedbeggedmetocomeintotheparlour。
\"Yes,\"saidI,\"Iamperfectlysatisfiedtoknowyouandyourniece。
Hereisthereward。\"
WiththesewordsIdrewabank—noteforahundredpoundsfrommypocket—book,andwasfoolishenoughtogiveither,tellingherthatshecouldmakeherbalm,andneednottroubletogivemeanydocumentasIknewifwouldbeofnovalue。Ihadnotthestrengthtogoawaywithoutgivingheranything,andtheprocuresswassharpenoughtoknowit。
WhenIgothomeIreflectedonwhathadhappened,andpronouncedmyselftheconquerorwithgreattriumph。Ifeltwellatease,andfeltsurethatIshouldneversetfootinthathouseagain。Thereweresevenofthemaltogether,includingservants,andtheneedofsubsistingmadethemdoanythingforaliving;andwhentheyfoundthemselvesobligedtomakeuseofmen,theysummonedthethreerascalsIhavenamed,whowereequallydependentonthem。
Fiveorsixdaysafterwards,ImetthelittlehussyatVauxhallincompanywithGoudar。Iavoidedheratfirst,butshecameuptomereproachingmeformyrudeness。Irepliedcoollyenough,butaffectingnottonoticemymanner,sheaskedmetocomeintoanarbourwithherandtakeacupoftea。
\"No,thankyou,\"Ireplied,\"Iprefersupper。\"
\"ThenIwilltakesometoo,andyouwillgiveitme,won’tyou,justtoshewthatyoubearnomalice?\"
Iorderedsupperforfourandwesatdowntogetherasifwehadbeenintimatefriends。
Hercharmingconversationcombinedwithherbeautygraduallydrewmeunderhercharm,andasthedrinkbegantoexerciseitsinfluenceoverme,Iproposedaturninoneofthedarkwalks,expressingahopethatIshouldfarebetterthanLordPembroke。Shesaidgently,andwithanappearanceofsinceritythatdeceivedme,thatshewantedtobemine,butbydayandontheconditionthatIwouldcomeandseehereveryday。
\"Iwilldoso,butfirstgivemeonelittleproofofyourlove。\"
\"Mostcertainlynot。\"
Igotuptopaythebill,andthenIleftwithoutaword,refusingtotakeherhome。Iwenthomebymyselfandwenttobed。
ThefirstthoughtwhenIawokewasthatIwasgladshehadnottakenmeatmyword;Ifeltverystronglythatitwastomyinteresttobreakoffallconnectionbetweenthatcreatureandmyself。Ifeltthestrengthofherinfluenceoverme,andthatmyonlywaywastokeepawayfromher,ortorenounceallpretensiontothepossessionofhercharms。
Thelatterplanseemedtomeimpossible,soIdeterminedtoadheretothefirst;butthewretchedwomanhadresolvedtodefeatallmyplans。Themannerinwhichshesucceededmusthavebeentheresultofacouncilofthewholesociety。
AfewdaysaftertheVauxhallsupperGoudarcalledonme,andbeganbycongratulatingmeonmyresolutionnottovisittheAnsperghersanymore,\"for,\"saidhe,\"thegirlwouldhavemadeyoumoreandmoreinlovewithher,andintheendshewouldhaveseducedyoutobeggary。\"
\"Youmustthinkmeagreatfool。IfIhadfoundherkindIshouldhavebeengrateful,butwithoutsquanderingallmymoney;andifshehadbeencruel,insteadofridiculous,ImighthavegivenherwhatI
havealreadygivenhereveryday,withoutreducingmyselftobeggary。\"
\"Icongratulateyou;itshewsthatyouarewelloff。Buthaveyoumadeupyourmindnottoseeheragain?\"
\"Certainly。\"
\"Thenyouarenotinlovewithher?\"
\"Ihavebeeninlove,butIamsonolonger;andinafewdaysshewillhavepassedcompletelyoutofmymemory。IhadalmostforgottenherwhenImetherwithyouatVauxhall。\"
\"Youarenotcured。Thewaytobecuredofanamourdoesnotlieinflight,whenthetwopartiesliveinthesametown。Meetingswillhappen,andallthetroublehastobetakenoveragain。\"
\"Thendoyouknowabetterway?\"
\"Certainly;youshouldsatiateyourself。Itisquitepossiblethatthecreatureisnotinlovewithyou,butyouarerichandshehasnothing。Youmighthavehadherforsomuch,andyoucouldhaveleftherwhenyoufoundhertobeunworthyofyourconstancy。Youmustknowwhatkindofawomansheis。\"
\"Ishouldhavetriedthismethodgladly,butIfoundherout。\"
\"Youcouldhavegotthebestofher,though,ifyouhadgonetoworkintheproperway。Youshouldneverhavepaidinadvance。Iknoweverything。\"
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"
\"Iknowshehascostyouahundredguineas,andthatyouhavenotwonsomuchasakissfromher。Why,mydearsir,youmighthavehadhercomfortablyinyourownbedforasmuch!Sheboaststhatshetookyouin,thoughyouprideyourselfonyourcraft。\"
\"Itwasanactofcharitytowardsheraunt。\"
\"Yes,tomakeherBalmofLife;butyouknowifithadnotbeenfortheniecetheauntwouldneverhavehadthemoney。\"
\"Perhapsnot,buthowcomeyouwhoareoftheirpartytobetalkingtomeinthisfashion?\"
\"IsweartoyouIonlyspeakoutoffriendshipforyou,andIwilltellyouhowIcametomaketheacquaintanceofthegirl,hermother,hergrandmotherandhertwoaunts,andthenyouwillnolongerconsidermeasoftheirparty。
\"SixteenmonthsagoIsawM。MorosiniwalkingaboutVauxhallbyhimself。HehadjustcometoEnglandtocongratulatethekingonhisaccessiontothethrone,onbehalfoftheRepublicofVenice。IsawhowenchantedhewaswiththeLondonbeauties,andIwentuptohimandtoldhimthatallthesebeautieswereathisservice。Thismadehimlaugh,andonmyrepeatingthatitwasnotajesthepointedoutoneofthegirls,andaskedifshewouldbeathisservice。Ididnotknowher,soIaskedhimtowaitawhile,andIwouldbringhimtheinformationherequired。Therewasnotimetobelost,andI
couldseethatthegirlwasnotavestalvirgin,soIwentuptoherandtoldherthattheVenetianambassadorwasamorousofher,andthatIwouldtakehertohimifshewouldreceivehisvisits。Theauntsaidthatanoblemanofsuchanexaltedrankcouldonlybringhonourtoherniece。Itooktheiraddress,andonmywaybacktotheambassadorImetafriendofminewhoislearnedinsuchcommodities,andafterIhadshewedhimtheaddresshetoldmeitwastheCharpillon。\"
\"Anditwasshe?\"
\"Itwas。MyfriendtoldmeshewasayoungSwissgirlwhowasnotyetinthegeneralmarket,butwhowouldsoonbethere,asshewasnotrich,andhadanumeroustraintosupport。
\"IrejoinedtheVenetian,andtoldhimthathisbusinesswasdone,andaskedhimatwhattimeIshouldintroducehimthenextday,warninghimthatasshehadamotherandauntsshewouldnotbealone。
\"’Iamgladtohearit,’saidhe,’andalsothatsheisnotacommonwoman。’Hegavemeanappointmentforthenextday,andweparted。
\"ItoldtheladiesatwhathourIshouldhavethepleasureofintroducingthegreatmantothem,andafterwarningthemthattheymustappearnottoknowhimIwenthome。
\"ThefollowingdayIcalledonM。deMorosini,andtookhimtoDenmarkStreetincognito。Wespentanhourinconversation,andthenwentawaywithoutanythingbeingsettled。Onthewaybacktheambassadortoldmethatheshouldliketohavethegirlonconditionswhichhewouldgivemeinwritingathisresidence。
\"Theseconditionswerethatsheshouldliveinafurnishedhousefreeofrent,withoutanycompanion,andwithoutreceivinganyvisitors。
Hisexcellencywouldgiveherfiftyguineasamonth,andpayforsupperwheneverhecameandspentthenightwithher。Hetoldmetogetthehouseifhisconditionswerereceived。Themotherwastosigntheagreement。
\"Theambassadorwasinahurry,andinthreedaystheagreementwassigned;butIobtainedadocumentfromthemotherpromisingtoletmehavethegirlforonenightassoonastheVenetianhadgone;itwasknownhewasonlystoppinginLondonforayear。\"
Goudarextractedthedocumentinquestionfromhispocket,andgaveittome。Ireaditandre—readitwithasmuchsurpriseaspleasure,andhethenproceededwithhisstory。
\"Whentheambassadorhadgone,theCharpillon,findingherselfatlibertyoncemore,hadLordBaltimore,LordGrosvenor,andM。deSaa,thePortugueseambassador,inturn,butnotitularlover。Iinsistedonhavingmynightwithheraccordingtoagreement,butbothmotheranddaughterlaughedatmewhenIspokeofit。Icannotarresther,becausesheisaminor,butIwillhavethemotherimprisonedonthefirstopportunity,andyouwillseehowthetownwilllaugh。NowyouknowwhyIgototheirhouse;andIassureyouyouarewrongifyouthinkIhaveanypartintheircouncils。Nevertheless,Iknowtheyarediscussinghowtheymaycatchyou,andtheywilldosoifyoudonottakecare。\"
\"TellthemotherthatIhaveanotherhundredguineasatherserviceifshewillletmehaveherdaughterforasinglenight。\"
\"Doyoumeanthat?\"
\"Assuredly,butIamnotgoingtopayinadvance。\"
\"That’stheonlywaynottobeduped。Ishallbegladtoexecuteyourcommission。\"
Ikepttheroguetodinner,thinkinghemightbeusefultome。Hekneweverythingandeverybody,andtoldmeanumberofamusingancedotes。Althoughagood—for—nothingfellow,hehadhismerits。
Hehadwrittenseveralworks,which,thoughbadlyconstructed,shewedhewasamanofsomewit。Hewasthenwritinghis\"ChineseSpy,\"andeverydayhewrotefiveorsixnews—lettersfromthevariouscoffee—
houseshefrequented。Iwroteoneortwolettersforhim,withwhichhewasmuchpleased。ThereaderwillseehowImethimagainatNaplessomeyearslater。
Thenextmorning,whatwasmysurprisetoseetheCharpillon,whosaidwithanairthatIshouldhavetakenformodestyinanyotherwoman,——
\"Idon’twantyoutogivemeanybreakfast,Iwantanexplanation,andtointroduceMissLorenzitoyou。\"
Ibowedtoherandtohercompanion,andthensaid,——
\"Whatexplanationdoyourequire?\"
Atthis,MissLorenzi,whomIhadneverseenbefore,thoughtpropertoleaveus,andItoldmymanthatIwasnotathometoanybody。I
orderedbreakfasttobeservedtothecompanionofthenymph,thatshemightnotfindthewaitingtedious。
\"Sir,\"saidtheCharpillon,\"isitafactthatyouchargedtheChevalierGoudartotellmymotherthatyouwouldgiveahundredguineastospendthenightwithme?\"
\"No,nottospendanightwithyou,butafterIhadpassedit。Isn’tthepriceenough?\"
\"Nojesting,sir,ifyouplease。Thereisnoquestionofbargaining;
allIwanttoknowiswhetheryouthinkyouhavearighttoinsultme,andthatIamgoingtobearit?\"
\"Ifyouthinkyourselfinsulted,Imay,perhaps,confessIwaswrong;
butIconfessIdidnotthinkIshouldhavetolistentoanyreproachesfromyou。Gondarisoneofyourintimatefriends,andthisisnotthefirstproposalhehastakentoyou。Icouldnotaddressyoudirectly,asIknowyourartsonlytoowell。\"
\"Ishallnotpayanyattentiontoyourabuseofmyself;IwillonlyremindyouofwhatIsaid’thatneithermoneynorviolencewereofanyuse,’andthatyouronlywaywastomakemeinlovewithyoubygentlemeans。ShewmewhereIhavebrokenmyword!Itisyouthathaveforeswornyourselfincomingintomybath—room,andinsendingsuchabrutalmessagetomymother。NoonebutarascallikeGoudarwouldhavedaredtotakesuchamessage。\"
\"Goudararascal,ishe?Well,heisyourbestfriend。Youknowheisinlovewithyou,andthatheonlygotyoufortheambassadorinthehopeofenjoyingyouhimself。Thedocumentinhispossessionprovesthatyouhavebehavedbadlytowardshim。Youareinhisdebt,dischargeit,andthencallhimarascalifyouhavetheconsciencetodoso。Youneednottroubletoweep,forIknewthesourceofthosetears;itisdefiled。\"
\"Youknownothingofit。Iloveyou,anditishardtohaveyoutreatmeso。\"
\"Youloveme?Youhavenottakenthebestwaytoproveit!\"
\"Asgoodawayasyours。YouhavebehavedtomeasifIwerethevilestofprostitutes,andyesterdayyouseemedtothinkIwasabrutebeast,theslaveofmymother。Youshouldhavewrittentomeinperson,andwithouttheinterventionofsovileanagent;Ishouldhaverepliedinthesameway,andyouneednothavebeenafraidthatyouwouldbedeceived。\"
\"SupposingIhadwritten,whatwouldyouranswerhavebeen?\"
\"Ishouldhaveputallmoneymattersoutofquestion。Ishouldhavepromisedtocontentyouontheconditionthatyouwouldcomeandcourtmeforafortnightwithoutdemandingtheslightestfavour。Weshouldhavelivedapleasantlife;weshouldhavegonetothetheatreandtotheparks。Ishouldhavebecomemadlyinlovewithyou。ThenIshouldhavegivenmyselfuptoyouforlove,andnothingbutlove。
IamashamedtosaythathithertoIhaveonlygivenmyselfoutofmerecomplaisance。UnhappywomanthatIam!butIthinknaturemeantmetolove,andIthoughtwhenIsawyouthatmyhappystarhadsentyoutoEnglandthatImightknowtheblissoftrueaffection。
Insteadofthisyouhaveonlymademeunhappy。Youarethefirstmanthathasseenmeweep;youhavetroubledmypeaceathome,formymothershallneverhavethesumyoupromisedherwereitfornothingbutakiss。\"
\"Iamsorrytohaveinjuredyou,thoughIdidnotintendtodoso;
butIreallydon’tknowwhatIcando。\"
\"Comeandseeus,andkeepyourmoney,whichIdespise。Ifyouloveme,comeandconquermelikeareasonableandnotabrutallover;andIwillhelpyou,fornowyoucannotdoubtthatIloveyou。\"
AllthisseemedsonaturaltomethatIneverdreameditcontainedatrap。Iwascaught,andIpromisedtodowhatshewished,butonlyforafortnight。Sheconfirmedherpromise,andhercountenancebecameoncemoresereneandcalm。TheCharpillonwasabornactress。
Shegotuptogo,andonmybeggingakissasapledgeofourreconciliationshereplied,withasmile,thecharmofwhichshewellknew,thatitwouldnotdotobeginbybreakingthetermofouragreement,andsheleftmemoreinlovethanever,andfullofrepentanceformyconduct。
CHAPTERXII
Goudar’sChairIfshehadwrittenallthistomeinsteadofcominganddeliveringitvivavoce,itwouldprobablyhaveproducednoeffect;therewouldhavebeennotears,noravishingfeatures。Sheprobablycalculatedallthis,forwomenhaveawonderfulinstinctinthesematters。
ThatveryeveningIbeganmyvisits,andjudgedfrommywelcomethatmytriumphwasnighathand。Butlovefillsourmindswithidlevisions,anddrawsaveiloverthetruth。
Thefortnightwentbywithoutmyevenkissingherhand,andeverytimeIcameIbroughtsomeexpensivegift,whichseemedcheaptomewhenIobtainedsuchsmilesofgratitudeinexchange。Besidesthesepresents,notadaypassedwithoutsomeexcursiontothecountryorpartyatthetheatre;thatfortnightmusthavecostmefourhundredguineasattheleast。
Atlastitcametoanend,andIaskedherinthepresenceofhermotherwhereshewouldspendthenightwithme,thereoratmyhouse。
Themothersaidthatwewouldsettleitaftersupper,andImadenoobjection,notlikingtotellherthatinmyhousethesupperwouldbemoresucculent,andabetterpreludeforthekindofexerciseI
expectedtoenjoy。
Whenwehadsuppedthemothertookmeaside,andaskedmetoleavewiththecompanyandthentocomeback。Iobeyed,laughingtomyselfatthisfoolishmystery,andwhenIcamebackIfoundthemotherandthedaughterintheparlour,inwhichabedhadbeenlaidonthefloor。
ThoughIdidnotmuchcareforthisarrangement,IwastooamoroustoraiseanyobjectionatamomentwhenIthoughtmytriumphwasathand;butIwasastonishedwhenthemotheraskedmeifIwouldliketopaythehundredguineasinadvance。
\"Oh,fie!\"exclaimedthegirl;andhermotherlefttheroom,andwelockedthedoor。
Myamorousfeelings,solongpentupwithinmybreast,wouldsoonfindrelief。Iapproachedherwithopenarms;butsheavoidedmycaress,andgentlybeggedmetogetintobedwhileshepreparedtofollowme。Iwatchedherundresswithdelight,butwhenshehadfinishedsheputoutthecandles。Icomplainedofthisactofhers,butshesaidshecouldnotsleepwiththelightshiningonher。I
begantosuspectthatImighthavesomedifficultiesthrowninmywaytosharpenthepleasure,butIdeterminedtoberesignedandtoovercomethemall。
WhenIfeltherinthebedItriedtoclaspherinmyarms,butfoundthatshehadwrappedherselfupinherlongnight—gown;herarmswerecrossed,andherheadburiedinherchest。Ientreated,scolded,cursed,butallinvain;sheletmegoon,andanswerednotaword。
AtfirstIthoughtitwasajoke,butIsoonfoundoutmymistake;
theveilfellfrommyeyesandIsawmyselfinmytruecolours,thedegradeddupeofavileprostitute。
Loveeasilybecomesfury。Ibegantohandleherroughly,butsheresistedanddidnotspeak。Itorehernight—gowntorags,butI
couldnottearitentirelyoffher。Myragegrewterrible,myhandsbecametalons,andItreatedherwiththeutmostcruelty;butallfornothing。Atlast,withmyhandonherthroat,Ifelttemptedtostrangleher;andthenIknewitwastimeformetogo。
Itwasadreadfulnight。Ispoketothismonsterofawomanineverymannerandtone—withgentleness,withargument,rage,remonstrance,prayers,tears,andabuse,butsheresistedmeforthreehourswithoutabandoningherpainfulposition,inspiteofthetormentsI
madeherendure。
Atthreeo’clockinthemorning,feelingmymindandbodyinastateofexhaustion,Igotupanddressedmyselfbymysenseoftouch。I
openedtheparlourdoor,andfindingthestreetdoorlockedIshookittillaservantcameandletmeout。Iwenthomeandgotintobed,butexcitednaturerefusedmethesleepIneededso。Itookacupofchocolate,butitwouldnotstayonmystomach,andsoonafterashiveringfitwarnedmethatIwasfeverish。Icontinuedtobeilltillthenextday,andthenthefeverleftmeinastateofcompleteexhaustion。
AsIwasobligedtokeeptomybedforafewdays,IknewthatI
shouldsoongetmyhealthagain;butmychiefconsolationwasthatatlastIwascured。Myshamehadmademehatemyself。
WhenIfeltthefevercomingonItoldmymannottoletanybodycometoseeme,andtoplaceallmylettersinmydesk;forIwantedtobeperfectlywellbeforeItroubledmyselfwithanything。
OnthefourthdayIwasbetter,andItoldJarbetogivememyletters。IfoundonefromPauline,datedfromMadrid,inwhichsheinformedmethatClairmonthadsavedherlifewhiletheywerefordingariver,andshehaddeterminedtokeephimtillshegottoLisbon,andwouldthensendhimbackbysea。Icongratulatedmyselfatthetimeonherresolve;butitwasafataloneforClairmont,andindirectlyformealso。Fourmonthsafter,Iheardthattheshipinwhichhehadsailedhadbeenwrecked,andasIneverheardfromhimagainIcouldonlyconcludethatmyfaithfulservanthadperishedamidstthewaves。
AmongstmyLondonlettersIfoundtwofromtheinfamousmotheroftheinfamousCharpillon,andonefromthegirlherself。Thefirstofthemother’sletters,writtenbeforeIwasill,toldmethatherdaughterwasillinbed,coveredwithbruisesfromtheblowsIhadgivenher,sothatshewouldbeobligedtoinstitutelegalproceedingsagainstme。InthesecondlettershesaidshehadheardItoowasill,andthatshewassorrytohearit,herdaughterhavinginformedherthatIhadsomereasonformyanger;however,shewouldnotfailtojustifyherselfonthefirstopportunity。TheCharpillonsaidinherletterthatsheknewshehaddonewrong,andthatshewonderedIhadnotkilledherwhenItookherbythethroat。SheaddedthatnodoubtIhadmadeupmymindtovisithernomore,butshehopedI
wouldallowheroneinterviewasshehadanimportantcommunicationtomaketome。TherewasalsoanotefromGoudar,sayingthathewantedtospeaktome,andthathewouldcomeatnoon。Igaveordersthatheshouldbeadmitted。
Thiscuriousindividualbeganbyastonishingme;hetoldmethewholestoryofwhathadtakenplace,themotherhavingbeenhisinformant。
\"TheCharpillon,\"headded,\"hasnotgotafever,butiscoveredwithbruises。Whatgrievestheoldwomanmostisthatshehasnotgotthehundredguineas。\"
\"Shewouldhavehadthemthenextmorning,\"Isaid,\"ifherdaughterhadbeentractable。\"
\"Hermotherhadmadeherswearthatshewouldnotbetractable,andyouneednothopetopossessherwithoutthemother’sconsent。\"
\"Whywon’tsheconsent?\"
\"Becauseshethinksthatyouwillabandonthegirlassoonasyouhaveenjoyedher。\"
\"Possibly,butshewouldhavereceivedmanyvaluablepresents,andnowsheisabandonedandhasnothing。\"
\"Haveyoumadeupyourmindnottohaveanythingmoretodowithher?\"
\"Quite。\"
\"That’syourwisestplan,andIadviseyoutokeeptoit,neverthelessIwanttoshewyousomethingwhichwillsurpriseyou。I
willbebackinamoment。\"
Hereturned,followedbyaporter,whocarriedupanarm—chaircoveredwithacloth。Assoonaswewerealone,GoudartookoffthecoveringandaskedmeifIwouldbuyit。
\"WhatshouldIdowithit?Itisnotaveryattractivepieceoffurniture。\"
\"Nevertheless,thepriceofitisahundredguineas。\"
\"Iwouldnotgivethree。\"
\"Thisarm—chairhasfivesprings,whichcomeintoplayallatonceassoonasanyonesitsdowninit。Twospringscatchthetwoarmsandholdthemtightly,twoothersseparatethelegs,andthefifthliftsuptheseat。\"
AfterthisdescriptionGoudarsatdownquitenaturallyinthechairandthespringscameintoplayandforcedhimintothepositionofawomaninlabour。
\"GetthefairCharpillontositinthischair,\"saidhe,\"andyourbusinessisdone。\"
Icouldnothelplaughingatthecontrivance,whichstruckmeasatonceingeniousanddiabolical,butIcouldnotmakeupmymindtoavailmyselfofit。
\"Iwon’tbuyit,\"saidI,\"butIshallbeobligedifyouwillleaveitheretillto—morrow。\"
\"Ican’tleaveithereanhourunlessyouwillbuyit;theowneriswaitingclosebytohearyouranswer。\"
\"Thentakeitawayandcomebacktodinner。\"
HeshewedmehowIwastoreleasehimfromhisridiculousposition,andthenaftercoveringitupagainhecalledtheporterandwentaway。
Therecouldbenodoubtastotheactionofthemachinery,anditwasnofeelingofavaricewhichhinderedmefrombuyingthechair。AsI
havesaid,itseemedratheradiabolicalidea,andbesidesitmighteasilyhavesentmetothegallows。Furthermore,IshouldneverhavehadthestrengthofmindtoenjoytheCharpillonforcibly,especiallybymeansofthewonderfulchair,themechanismofwhichwouldhavefrightenedheroutofherwits。
AtdinnerItoldGoudarthattheCharpillonhaddemandedaninterview,andthatIhadwishedtokeepthechairsoastoshewherthatIcouldhaveherifIliked。Ishewedhimtheletter,andheadvisedmetoaccedetoherrequest,ifonlyforcuriosity’ssake。
Iwasinnohurrytoseethecreaturewhilethemarksonherfaceandneckwerestillfresh,soIspentsevenoreightdayswithoutmakingupmymindtoreceiveher。Goudarcameeveryday,andtoldmeoftheconfabulationsofthesewomenwhohadmadeuptheirmindsnottolivesavebytrickery。
HetoldmethatthegrandmotherhadtakenthenameofAnspergherwithouthavinganyrighttoit,asshewasmerelythemistressofaworthycitizenofBerne,bywhomshehadfourdaughters;themotheroftheCharpillonwastheyoungestofthefamily,and,asshewasprettyandlooseinhermorals,theGovernmenthadexiledherwithhermotherandsisters。TheyhadthenbetakenthemselvestoFranche—
Comte,wheretheylivedforsometimeontheBalmofLife。HereitwasthattheCharpilloncameintotheworld,hermotherattributinghertoaCountdeBoulainvilliers。Thechildgrewuppretty,andthefamilyremovedtoParisundertheimpressionthatitwouldbethebestmarketforsuchacommodity,butinthecourseoffouryearstheincomefromtheBalmhavingdwindledgreatly,theCharpillonbeingstilltooyoungtobeprofitable,anddebtorsclosingroundthemoneveryside,theyresolvedtocometoLondon。
Hethenproceededtotellmeofthevarioustricksandcheatswhichkeptthemallalive。Ifoundhisnarrativeinterestingenoughthen,butthereaderwouldfinditdull,andIexpectwillbegratefulformypassingitover。
IfeltthatitwasfortunateformethatIhadGoudar,whointroducedmetoallthemostfamouscourtezansinLondon,abovealltotheillustriousKittyFisher,whowasjustbeginningtobefashionable。
Healsointroducedmetoagirlofsixteen,averitableprodigyofbeauty,whoservedatthebarofatavernatwhichwetookabottleofstrongbeer。ShewasanIrishwomanandaCatholic,andwasnamedSarah。Ishouldhavelikedtogetpossessionofher,butGoudarhadviewsofhisownonthesubject,andcarriedheroffinthecourseofthenextyear。Heendedbymarryingher,andshewastheSaraGoudarwhoshoneatNaples,Florence,Venice,andelsewhere。Weshallhearofherinfourorfiveyears,stillwithherhusband。GoudarhadconceivedtheplanofmakinghertaketheplaceofDubarry,mistressofLouisXV。,butalettredecachetcompelledhimtotryelsewhere。
Ah!happydaysoflettresdecachet,youhavegonenevertoreturn!
TheCharpillonwaitedafortnightformetoreply,andthenresolvedtoreturntothechargeinperson。Thiswasnodoubttheresultofaconferenceofthemostsecretkind,forIheardnothingofitfromGondar。
Shecametoseemybyherselfinasedan—chair,andIdecidedonseeingher。IwastakingmychocolateandIlethercomeinwithoutrisingorofferingheranybreakfast。Sheaskedmetogivehersomewithgreatmodesty,andputupherfaceformetogiveherakiss,butIturnedmyheadaway。However,shewasnotintheleastdisconcerted。
\"Isupposethemarksoftheblowsyougavememakemyfacesorepulsive?\"
\"Youlie;Ineverstruckyou。\"
\"No,butyourtiger—likeclawshaveleftbruisesalloverme。Lookhere。No,youneedn’tbeafraidthatwhatyouseemayprovetooseductive;besides,itwillhavenonoveltyforyou。\"
Sosayingthewretchedcreatureletmeseeherbody,onwhichsomelividmarkswerestillvisible。
CowardthatIwas!WhydidInotlookanotherway?Iwilltellyou:
itwasbecauseshewassobeautiful,andbecauseawoman’scharmsareunworthyofthenameiftheycannotsilencereason。Iaffectedonlytolookatthebruises,butitwasanemptyfarce。Iblushformyself;herewasIconqueredbyasimplegirl,ignorantofwellnigheverything。ButsheknewwellenoughthatIwasinhalingthepoisonateverypore。Allatonceshedroppedherclothesandcameandsatbesideme,feelingsurethatIshouldhaverelishedacontinuanceofthespectacle。
However,Imadeaneffortandsaid,coldly,thatitwasallherownfault。
\"Iknowitis,\"saidshe,\"forifIhadbeentractableasIoughttohavebeen,youwouldhavebeenlovinginsteadofcruel。Butrepentanceeffacessin,andIamcometobegpardon。MayIhopetoobtainit?\"
\"Certainly;Iamangrywithyounolonger,butIcannotforgivemyself。Nowgo,andtroublemenomore。\"
\"Iwillifyoulike,butthereissomethingyouhavenotheard,andI
begyouwilllistentomeamoment。\"
\"AsIhavenothingtodoyoucansaywhatyouhavegottosay,Iwilllistentoyou。\"
Inspiteofthecoldnessofmywords,Iwasreallyprofoundlytouched,andtheworstofitwasthatIbegantobelieveinthegenuinenessofhermotives。
Shemighthaverelievedherselfofwhatshehadtosayinaquarterofanhour,butbydintoftears,sighs,groans,digressions,andsoforth,shetooktwohourstotellmethathermotherhadmadehersweartopassthenightasshehaddone。SheendedbysayingthatshewouldliketobemineasshehadbeenM。Morosini’s,tolivewithme,andonlytogooutundermyescort,whileImightallowheramonthlysumwhichshewouldhandovertohermother,whowould,inthatcase,leaveheralone。
Shedinedwithme,anditwasintheeveningthatshemadethisproposition。Isupposebecauseshethoughtmeripeforanothercheat。Itoldherthatitmightbearranged,butthatIshouldprefertosettlewithhermother,andthatshewouldseemeattheirhousethefollowingday,andthisseemedtosurpriseher。
ItispossiblethattheCharpillonwouldhavegrantedmeanyfavouronthatday,andthentherewouldhavebeennoquestionofdeceptionorresistanceforthefuture。WhydidInotpressher?Becausesometimeslovestupefiesinsteadofquickens,andbecauseIhadbeeninawayherjudge,andIthoughtitwouldbebaseofmetorevengemyselfonherbysatisfyingmyamorousdesires,andpossiblybecauseIwasafool,asIhaveoftenbeeninthecourseofmyexistence。
Shemusthaveleftmeinastateofirritation,andnodoubtsheregisteredavowtorevengeherselfonmeforthehalf—contemptuouswayinwhichIhadtreatedher。
Goudarwasastonishedwhenheheardofhervisit,andofthewayinwhichIhadspenttheday。Ibeggedhimtogetmeasmallfurnishedhouse,andintheeveningIwenttoseetheinfamouswomaninherownhouse。
Shewaswithhermother,andIlaidmyproposalbeforethem。
\"YourdaughterwillhaveahouseatChelsea,\"saidItothemother,\"whereIcangoandseeherwheneverIlike,andalsofiftyguineasamonthtodowhatshelikeswith。\"
\"Idon’tcarewhatyougiveheramonth,\"shereplied,\"butbeforeI
letherleavemyhouseshemustgivemethehundredguineasshewastohavehadwhenshesleptwithyou。\"
\"Itisyourfaultthatshedidn’thavethem;however,tocutthemattershort,sheshallgivethemtoyou。\"
\"Andinthemeanwhile,tillyouhavefoundthehouse,Ihopeyouwillcomeandseeme。\"
\"Yes。\"
ThenextdayGoudarshewedmeaprettyhouseatChelsea,andItookit,payingtenguineas,amonth’srent,inadvance,forwhichI
receivedareceipt。IntheafternoonIconcludedthebargainwiththemother,theCharpillonbeingpresent。Themotheraskedmetogiveherthehundredguineas,andIdidso,notfearinganytreachery,asnearlythewholeofthegirl’sclothingwasalreadyatChelsea。
Induecoursewewenttoourcountryhouse。TheCharpillonlikedthehouseimmensely,andafterashorttalkwesuppedmerrilytogether。
Aftersupperwewenttobed,andshegrantedmesomeslightpreliminaryfavours,butwhenIwouldhaveattainedmyendIfoundanobstaclewhichIhadnotexpected。Shegavemesomephysiologicalreasonsforthecircumstances,butnotbeingamantostopforsolittle,Iwouldhavegoneon,butsheresisted,andyetwithsuchgentlenessthatIleftheraloneandwenttosleep。Iawokesoonerthanshedid,anddeterminedtoseewhethershehadimposedonme;soIraisedhernight—gowncarefully,andtookoffherlinenonlytofindthatIhadbeendupedoncemore。Thisrousedher,andshetriedtostopme,butitwastoolate。However,Igentlychidherforthetrick,andfeelingdisposedtoforgiveitsetaboutmakingupforlosttime,butshegotonthehighhorse,andpretendedtobehurtatmytakingherbysurprise。Itriedtocalmherbyrenewedtenderness,butthewretchedcreatureonlygotmorefurious,andwouldgivemenothing。Ileftheralone,butIexpressedmyopinionofherinprettystrongterms。Theimpudentsluthonouredmewithasmileofdisdain,andthenbeginningtodressherselfsheproceededtoindulgeinimpertinentrepartees。Thismademeangry,andIgaveheraboxontheearswhichstretchedheratfulllengthonthefloor。Sheshrieked,stampedherfeet,andmadeahideousuproar;
thelandlordcameup,andshebegantospeaktohiminEnglish,whilethebloodgushedfromhernose。
ThemanfortunatelyspokeItalian,andtoldmethatshewantedtogoaway,andadvisedmetoletherdoso,orshemightmakeitawkwardforme,andhehimselfwouldbeobligedtowitnessagainstme。
\"Tellhertobegoneasfastasshelikes,\"saidI,\"andtokeepoutofmysightforever。\"
Shefinisheddressing,staunchedtheblood,andwentoffinasedan—
chair,whileIremainedpetrified,feelingthatIdidnotdeservetolive,andfindingherconductutterlyoutrageousandincomprehensible。
Afteranhour’sconsiderationIdecidedonsendingherbackhertrunk,andthenIwenthomeandtobed,tellingmyservantsIwasnotathometoanyone。
Ispenttwenty—fourhoursinponderingovermywrongs,andatlastmyreasontoldmethatthefaultwasmine;Idespisedmyself。Iwasonthebrinkofsuicide,buthappilyIescapedthatfate。
IwasjustgoingoutwhenGoudarcameupandmademegoinwithhim,ashesaidhewantedtospeaktome。AftertellingmethattheCharpillonhadcomehomewithaswollencheekwhichpreventedhershewingherself,headvisedmetoabandonallclaimsonherorhermother,orthelatterwouldbringafalseaccusationagainstmewhichmightcostmemylife。ThosewhoknowEngland,andespeciallyLondonwillnotneedtobeinformedastothenatureofthisaccusation,whichissoeasilybroughtinEngland;itwillsufficetosaythatthroughitSodomwasoverwhelmed。
\"Themotherhasengagedmetomediate,\"saidGoudar,\"andifyouwillleaveheralone,shewilldoyounoharm。\"
Ispentthedaywithhim,foolishlycomplaining,andtellinghimthathecouldassurethemotherthatIwouldtakenoproceedingsagainsther,butthatIshouldliketoknowifshehadthecouragetoreceivethisassurancefrommyownlips。
\"Iwillcarryyourmessage,\"saidhe,\"butIpityyou;foryouaregoingintotheirnetsagain,andwillendinutterruin。\"
Ifanciedtheywouldbeashamedtoseeme;butIwasverymuchmistaken,forGoudarcamebacklaughing,andsaidthemotherexpressedahopethatIshouldalwaysbethefriendofthefamily。
Ioughttohaverefusedtohaveanythingmoretodowiththem,butI
hadnotthestrengthtoplaytheman。IcalledatDenmarkStreetthesameevening,andspentanhourwithoututteringasyllable。TheCharpillonsatoppositetome,witheyesloweredtoapieceofembroidery,whilefromtimetotimeshepretendedtowipeawayatearassheletmeseetheravagesIhadworkedonhercheek。
Isawhereverydayandalwaysinsilencetillthefatalmarkhaddisappeared,butduringthesemadvisitsthepoisonofdesirewassoinstilledintomyveinsthatifshehadknownmystateofmindshemighthavedespoiledmeofallIpossessedforasinglefavour。
WhenshewasoncemoreasbeautifulaseverIfeltasifImustdieifIdidnotholdherinmyarmsagain,andIboughtamagnificentpier—glassandasplendidbreakfastserviceinDresdenchina,andsentthemtoherwithanamorousepistlewhichmusthavemadeherthinkmeeitherthemostextravagantorthemostcowardlyofmen。
Shewroteinanswerthatshewouldexpectmetosupwithherinherroom,thatshemightgivemethetenderestproofsofhergratitude。
Thislettersentmecompletelymadwithjoy,andinaparoxysmofdelightIresolvedtosurrendertoherkeepingthetwobillsofexchangewhichBolomeehadgivenme,andwhichgavemepowertosendhermotherandauntstoprison。
Fullofthehappinessthatawaitedme,andenchantedwithmyownidioticheroism,Iwenttoherintheevening。Shereceivedmeintheparlourwithhermother,andIwasdelightedtoseethepier—
glassoverthemantel,andthechinadisplayedonalittletable。
Afterahundredwordsofloveandtendernesssheaskedmetocomeuptoherroom,andhermotherwishedusgoodnight。Iwasoverwhelmedwithjoy。AfteradelicatelittlesupperItookoutthebillsofexchange,andaftertellinghertheirhistorygavethemuptoher,toshewthatIhadnointentionofavengingmyselfonhermotherandaunts。Imadeherpromisethatshewouldneverpartwiththem,andshesaidshewouldneverdoso,andwithmanyexpressionsofgratitudeandwonderatmygenerosityshelockedthemupwithgreatcare。
ThenIthoughtitwastimetogivehersomemarksofmypassion,andIfoundherkind;butwhenIwouldhavepluckedthefruit,sheclaspedmetoherarms,crossedherlegs,andbegantoweepbitterly。
Imadeaneffort,andaskedherifshewouldbethesamewhenwewereinbed。Shesighed,andafteramoment’spause,replied,\"Yes。\"
ForaquarterofanhourIremainedsilentandmotionless,asifpetrified。AtlastIrosewithapparentcoolness,andtookmycloakandsword。
\"What!\"saidshe,\"areyounotgoingtospendthenightwithme?\"
\"No。\"
\"Butweshallseeeachotherto—morrow?\"
\"Ihopeso。Goodnight。\"
Ileftthatinfernalabode,andwenthometobed。
CHAPTERXIII
TheEndoftheStoryStrangerThantheBeginningAteighto’clockthenextmorningJarbetoldmethattheCharpillonwantedtoseeme,andthatshehadsentawayherchairmen。
\"TellherthatIcan’tseeher。\"
ButIhadhardlyspokenwhenshecamein,andJarbewentout。I
addressedherwiththeutmostcalmness,andbeggedhertogivemebackthetwobillsofexchangeIhadplacedinherhandsthenightbefore。
\"Ihaven’tgotthemaboutme;butwhydoyouwantmetoreturnthemtoyou?\"
AtthisquestionIcouldcontainmyselfnolonger,andlaunchedastormofabuseather。Itwasanexplosionwhichrelievednature,andendedwithaninvoluntaryshoweroftears。MyinfamousseductressstoodascalmlyasInnocenceitself;andwhenIwassochokedwithsobsthatIcouldnotutteraword,shesaidshehadonlybeencruelbecausehermotherhadmadeherswearanoathnevertogiveherselftoanyoneinherownhouse,andthatshehadonlycomenowtoconvincemeofherlove,togiveherselftomewithoutreserve,andnevertoleavemeanymoreifIwishedit。
Thereaderwhoimaginesthatatthesewordsragegaveplacetolove,andthatIhastenedtoobtaintheprize,doesnotknowthenatureofthepassionsowellasthevilewomanwhoseplaythingIwas。Fromhotlovetohotangerisashortjourney,butthereturnisslowanddifficult。Iftherebeonlyangerinaman’sbreastitmaybesubduedbytenderness,bysubmission,andaffection;butwhentoangerisaddedafeelingofindignationathavingbeenshamefullydeceived,itisimpossibletopasssuddenlytothoughtsofloveandvoluptuousenjoyment。Withmemereangerhasneverbeenoflongduration,butwhenIamindignanttheonlycureisforgetfulness。
TheCharpillonknewperfectlywellthatIwouldnottakeheratherword,andthiskindofsciencewasinborninher。Theinstinctofwomenteachesthemgreatersecretsthanallthephilosophyandtheresearchofmen。
Intheeveningthismonsterleftme,feigningtobedisappointedanddisconsolate,andsaying,——
\"Ihopeyouwillcomeandseemeagainwhenyouareoncemoreyourself。\"
Shehadspenteighthourswithme,duringwhichtimeshehadonlyspokentodenymysuppositions,whichwereperfectlytrue,butwhichshecouldnotaffordtoletpass。Ihadnottakenanythingallday,inorderthatImightnotbeobligedtoofferheranythingortoeatwithher。
AftershehadleftmeItooksomesoupandthenenjoyedaquietsleep,forwhichIfeltallthebetter。WhenIcametoconsiderwhathadpassedthe,daybeforeIconcludedthattheCharpillonwasrepentant,butIseemednolongertocareanythingabouther。
HereImayaswellconfess,inallhumility,whatachangeloveworkedonmeinLondon,thoughIhadattainedtheageofthirty—
eight。Hereclosedthefirstactofmylife;thesecondclosedwhenIleftVenicein1783,andprobablythethirdwillclosehere,asI
amusemyselfbywritingthesememoirs。Thus,thethree—actcomedywillfinish,andifitbehissed,asmaypossiblybethecase,I
shallnothearthesoundsofdisapproval。ButasyetthereaderhasnotseenthelastandIthinkthemostinterestingsceneofthefirstact。
IwentforawalkintheGreenParkandmetGoudar。Iwasgladtoseehim,astheroguewasusefultome。
\"IhavejustbeenattheCharpillons,\"hebegan;\"theywereallinhighspirits。Itriedinvaintoturntheconversationonyou,butnotawordwouldtheyutter。\"
\"Idespisethementirely,\"Irejoined,\"Idon’twanttohaveanythingmoretodowiththem。\"
HetoldmeIwasquiteright,andadvisedmetopersevereinmyplan。
Imadehimdinewithme,andthenwewenttoseethewell—knownprocuress,Mrs。Wells,andsawthecelebratedcourtezan,KittyFisher,whowaswaitingfortheDukeof————totakehertoaball。
Shewasmagnificentlydressed,anditisnoexaggerationtosaythatshehadondiamondsworthfivehundredthousandfrancs。GoudartoldmethatifIlikedImighthaveherthenandtherefortenguineas。
Ididnotcaretodoso,however,for,thoughcharming,shecouldonlyspeakEnglish,andIlikedtohaveallmysenses,includingthatofhearing,gratified。Whenshehadgone,Mrs。WellstoldusthatKittyhadeatenabank—noteforathousandguineas,onasliceofbreadandbutter,thatveryday。ThenotewasapresentfromSirAkins,brotherofthefairMrs。Pitt。IdonotknowwhetherthebankthankedKittyforthepresentshehadmadeit。
IspentanhourwithagirlnamedKennedy,afairIrishwoman,whocouldspeakasortofFrench,andbehavedmostextravagantlyundertheinfluenceofchampagne;buttheimageoftheCharpillonwasstillbeforeme,thoughIknewitnot,andIcouldnotenjoyanything。
Iwenthomefeelingsadandillpleasedwithmyself。Commonsensetoldmetodriveallthoughtsofthatwretchedwomanoutofmyhead,butsomethingIcalledhonourbademenotleaveherthetriumphofhavingwonthetwobillsofexchangefrommefornothing,andmademedeterminetogetthembackbyfairmeansorfoul。
M。Malingan,atwhosehouseIhadmadetheacquaintanceofthiscreature,comeandaskedmetodinner。Hehadaskedmetodinewithhimseveraltimesbefore,andIhadalwaysrefused,andnowIwouldnotacceptuntilIhadheardwhatguestshehadinvited。Thenameswereallstrangetome,soIagreedtocome。
WhenIarrivedIfoundtwoyoungladiesfromLiege,inoneofwhomI
gotinteresteddirectly。Sheintroducedmetoherhusband,andtoanotheryoungmanwhoseemedtobethecavalieroftheotherlady,hercousin。
Thecompanypleasedme,andIwasinhopesthatIshouldspendahappyday,butmyevilgeniusbroughttheCharpillontomarthefeast。Shecameintotheroominhighglee,andsaidtoMalingan,——
\"IshouldnothavecometobegyoutogivemeadinnerifIhadknownthatyouwouldhavesomanyguests,andifIamatallinthewayI
willgo。\"
Everybodywelcomedher,myselfexcepted,forIwasontherack。Tomakemattersworse,shewasplacedatmylefthand。IfshehadcomeinbeforewesatdowntodinnerIshouldhavemadesomeexcuseandgoneaway,butaswehadbegunthesoupasuddenflightwouldhavecoveredmewithridicule。Iadoptedtheplanofnotlookingather,reservingallmypolitenessfortheladyonmyright。WhenthemealwasoverMalingantookmeapart,andsworetomethathehadnotinvitedtheCharpillon,butIwasnotconvinced,thoughIpretendedtobeforpoliteness’sake。
ThetwoladiesfromLiegeandtheircavalierswereembarkingforOstendinafewdays,andinspeakingoftheirdeparturetheonetowhomIhadtakenafancysaidthatshewassorrytobeleavingEnglandwithouthavingseenRichmond。Ibeggedhertogivemethepleasureofshewingither,andwithoutwaitingforananswerIaskedherhusbandandallthecompanytobepresent,exceptingtheCharpillon,whomIpretendednottosee。
Theinvitationwasaccepted。
\"Twocarriages,\"Isaid,\"holdingfoureach,shallbereadyateighto’clock,andweshallbeexactlyeight。\"
\"No,nine,forIamcoming,\"saidtheCharpillon,givingmeanimpudentstare,\"andIhopeyouwillnotdrivemeaway。\"
\"No,thatwouldbeimpolite,Iwillrideinfrontonhorseback。\"
\"Oh,notatall!Emilieshallsitonmylap。\"
EmiliewasMalingan’sdaughter,andaseverybodyseemedtothinkthearrangementanextremelypleasantoneIhadnotthecouragetoresist。Afewmomentsafter,Iwasobligedtoleavetheroomforafewmoments,andwhenIcamebackImetheronthelanding。ShetoldmeIhadinsultedhergrievously,andthatunlessImadeamendsI
shouldfeelhervengeance。
\"Youcanbeginyourvengeance,\"Isaid,\"byreturningmybillsofexchange\"
\"Youshallhavethemto—morrow,butyouhadbettertryandmakemeforgettheinsultyouhaveputonme。\"
Ileftthecompanyintheevening,havingarrangedthatweshouldallbreakfasttogetherthenextday。
Ateighto’clockthetwocarriageswereready,andMalingan,hiswife,hisdaughter,andthetwogentlemengotintothefirstvehicle,andIhadtogetintothesecondwiththeladiesfromLiegeandtheCharpillon,whoseemedtohavebecomeveryintimatewiththem。Thismademeill—tempered,andIsulkedthewholeway。Wewereanhourandaquarteronthejourney,andwhenwearrivedIorderedagooddinner,andthenweproceededtoviewthegardens;thedaywasabeautifulone,thoughitwasautumn。
WhilstwewereWalkingtheCharpilloncameuptomeandsaidshewantedtoreturnthebillsinthesameplaceinwhichIhadgivenherthem。AswewereatsomedistancefromtheothersIpeltedherwithabuse,tellingherofherperfidyandofhercorruptionatanagewhensheshouldhaveretainedsomevestigesofinnocencecallingherbythenameshedeserved,asIremindedherhowoftenshehadalreadyprostitutedherself;inshortIthreatenedherwithmyvengeanceifshepushedmetoextremities。Butshewasascoldasice,andopposedacalmfronttothestormofinvectiveIrainedinherears。
However,astheotherguestswereatnogreatdistance,shebeggedmetospeakmoresoftly,buttheyheardmeandIwasverygladofit。
Atlastwesatdowntodinner,andthewretchedwomancontrivedtogetaplacebesideme,andbehavedallthewhileasifIwereherlover,oratanyrateasifshelovedme。Shedidnotseemtocarewhatpeoplethoughtofmycoldness,whileIwasinarage,forthecompanymusteitherhavethoughtmeafoolorelsethatshewasmakinggameofme。
Afterdinnerwereturnedtothegarden,andtheCharpillon,determinedtogainthevictory,clungtomyarmandafterseveralturnsledmetowardsthemazewhereshewishedtotryherpower。Shemademesitdownonthegrassbesideherandattackedmewithpassionatewordsandtendercaresses,andbydisplayingthemostinterestingofhercharmsshesucceededinseducingme,butstillI
donotknowwhetherIwereimpelledbyloveorvengeance,andIaminclinedtothinkthatmyfeelingswereacompoundofbothpassions。
Butatthemomentshelookedthepictureofvoluptuousabandon。
Herardenteyes,herfierycheeks,herwantonkisses,herswellingbreast,andherquicksighs,allmademethinkthatshestoodasmuchinneedofdefeatasIofvictory;certainlyIshouldnothavejudgedthatshewasalreadycalculatingonresistance。
ThusIoncemorebecametenderandaffectionate;IbeggedpardonforwhatIhadsaidanddone。Herfierykissesrepliedtomine,andI
thoughtherglanceandthesoftpressureofherbodywereinvitingmetogatherthedeliciousfruit;butjustasmyhandopenedthedoorofthesanctuary,shegaveasuddenmovement,andthechancewaslost。
\"What!youwoulddeceivemeagain。\"
\"No,nobutwehavedoneenoughnow。Ipromisetospendthenightinyourarmsinyourownhouse。\"
ForamomentIlostmysenses。Ionlysawthedeceitfulwretchwhohadprofitedbymyfoolishcredulitysomanytimes,andIresolvedtoenjoyortakevengeance。Iheldherdownwithmyleftarm,anddrawingasmallknifefrommypocketIopeneditwithmyteethandprickedherneck,threateningtokillherifsheresistedme。
\"Doasyoulike,\"shesaidwithperfectcalm,\"Ionlyaskyoutoleavememylife,butafteryouhavesatisfiedyourselfIwillnotleavethespot;Iwillnotenteryourcarriageunlessyoucarrymebyforce,andeverybodyshallknowthereason。\"
Thisthreathadnoeffect,forIhadalreadygotbackmysenses,andIpitiedmyselfforbeingdegradedbyacreatureforwhomIhadthegreatestcontempt,inspiteofthealmostmagicalinfluenceshehadoverme,andthefuriousdesiressheknewhowtokindleinmybreast。
Irosewithoutaword,andtakingmyhatandcaneIhastenedtoleaveaplacewhereunbridledpassionhadbroughtmetothebrinkofruin。
Myreaderswillscarcelybelieveme(butitisneverthelesstheexacttruth)whenIsaythattheimpudentcreaturehastenedtorejoinme,andtookmyarmagainasifnothinghadhappened。Agirlofheragecouldnothaveplayedthepartsowellunlessshehadbeenalreadytriedinahundredbattles。WhenwerejoinedthecompanyIwasaskedifIwereill,whilenobodynoticedtheslightestalterationinher。
WhenwegotbacktoLondonIexcusedmyselfunderthepleaofabadheadache,andreturnedhome。
Theadventurehadmadeaterribleimpressiononme,andIsawthatifIdidnotavoidallintercoursewiththisgirlIshouldbebroughttoruin。TherewassomethingaboutherIcouldnotresist。Ithereforeresolvedtoseehernomore,butfeelingashamedofmyweaknessingivingherthebillsofexchangeIwrotehermotheranoterequestinghertomakeherdaughterreturnthem,orelseIshouldbecompelledtotakeharshmeasures。
IntheafternoonIreceivedthefollowingreply:
\"Sir,——Iamexceedinglysurprisedatyouraddressingyourselftomeaboutthebillsyouhandedtomydaughter。Shetellsmeshewillgiveyouthembackinpersonwhenyoushewmorediscretion,andhavelearnttorespecther。\"
ThisimpudentlettersoenragedmethatIforgotmyvowofthemorning。Iputtwopistolsinmypocketandproceededtothewretchedwoman’sabodetocompelhertoreturnmemybillsifshedidnotwishtobesoundlycaned。
Ionlytookthepistolstooverawethetwomalerascalswhosuppedwiththemeveryevening。IwasfuriouswhenIarrived,butIpassedbythedoorwhenIsawahandsomeyounghairdresser,whodidtheCharpillon’shaireverySaturdayevening,goingintothehouse。
IdidnotwantastrangertobepresentatthesceneImeanttomake,soIwaitedatthecornerofthestreetforthehairdressertogo。
AfterIhadwaitedhalfanhourRostaingandCouman,thetwosupportsofthehouse,cameoutandwentaway,muchtomydelight。Iwaitedon;elevenstruck,andthehandsomebarberhadnotyetgone。A
littlebeforemidnightaservantcameoutwithalamp,Isupposetolookforsomethingthathadfallenoutofthewindow。Iapproachednoiselessly,steppedinandopenedtheparlour—door,whichwasclosetothestreet,andsaw……theCharpillonandthebarberstretchedonthesofaanddoingthebeastwithtwobacks,asShakespearecallsit。
Whentheslutsawmeshegaveashriekandunhorsedhergallant,whomIcanedsoundlyuntilheescapedintheconfusionconsequentontheservants,mother,andauntsallrushingintotheroom。WhilethiswasgoingontheCharpillon,half—naked,remainedcrouchedbehindthesofa,tremblinglesttheblowsshouldbegintodescendonher。Thenthethreehagssetuponmelikefuries;buttheirabuseonlyirritatedme,andIbrokethepier—’glass,thechina,andthefurniture,andastheystillhowledandshriekedIroaredoutthatiftheydidnotceaseIwouldbreaktheirheads。Atthistheybegantocalm。
Ithrewmyselfuponthefatalsofa,andbadethemothertoreturnmethebillsofexchange;butjustthenthewatchmancamein。
Thereisonlyonewatchmantoadistrict,whichheperambulatesallnightwithalanterninonehandandastaffintheother。Onthesementhepeaceofthegreatcitydepends。Iputthreeorfourcrownsintohishandandsaid\"Goaway,\"andsosayingshutthedooruponhim。ThenIsatdownoncemoreandaskedagainforthebillsofexchange:
\"Ihavenotgotthem;mydaughterkeepsthem。\"
\"Callher。\"
ThetwomaidssaidthatwhilstIwasbreakingthechinashehadescapedbythestreetdoor,andthattheydidnotknowwhathadbecomeofher。Thenthemotherandauntsbegantoshriek,weep,andexclaim,——
\"MypoordaughteraloneinthestreetsofLondonatmidnight!Mydearniece,alas!alas!sheislost。CursedbethehourwhenyoucametoEnglandtomakeusallunhappy!\"
Myragehadevaporated,andItrembledatthethoughtofthisyoungfrightenedgirlrunningaboutthestreetsatsuchanhour。
\"Goandlookforherattheneighbours’houses,\"Isaidtotheservants,\"nodoubtyouwillfindher。Whenyoutellmesheissafe,youshallhaveaguineaapiece。\"
WhenthethreeGorgonssawIwasinterested,theirtears,complaints,andinvectivesbeganagainwithrenewedvigor,whileIkeptsilenceasmuchastosaythattheywereintheright。Iawaitedthereturnoftheservantswithimpatience,andatlastatoneo’clocktheycamebackwithlooksofdespair。
\"Wehavelookedforhereverywhere,\"saidthey,\"butwecan’tfindher。\"
Igavethemthetwoguineasasiftheyhadsucceeded,whilstIsatmotionlessreflectingontheterribleconsequencesofmyanger。Howfoolishismanwhenheisinlove!
Iwasidiotenoughtoexpressmyrepentancetothethreeoldcheats。