Godhelphim，whoyetmakeslightofthis！Thereisgreatertemerityrequiredinthisageofours，whichouryoungmenexcuseunderthenameofheat;butshouldwomenexamineitmorestrictly，theywouldfindthatitratherproceedsfromcontempt。Iwasalwayssuperstitiouslyafraidofgivingoffence，andhaveeverhadagreatrespectforherIloved:besides，hewhointhistraffictakesawaythereverence，defacesatthesametimethelustre。Iwouldinthisaffairhaveamanalittleplaythechild，thetimorous，andtheservant。Ifnotthis，IhaveinotherbashfulnesswhereofaltogetherinthingssomeairofthefoolishPlutarchmakesmention;andthecourseofmylifehasbeendiverswayshurtandblemishedwithit;aqualityveryillsuitingmyuniversalform:and，indeed，whatarewebutseditionanddiscrepancy？IamasmuchoutofcountenancetobedeniedasIamtodeny;anditsomuchtroublesmetobetroublesometoothersthatonoccasionwhendutycompelsmetotrythegood—willofanyoneinathingthatisdoubtfulandthatwillbechargeabletohim，Idoitveryfaintly，andverymuchagainstmywill:
butifitbeformyownparticular（whateverHomertrulysays，thatmodestyisafoolishvirtueinanindigentperson），Icommonlycommitittoathirdpersontoblushforme，anddenythosewhoemploymewiththesamedifficulty:sothatithassometimesbefallenmetohavehadamindtodeny，whenIhadnotthepowertodoit。
’Tisfolly，then，toattempttobridleinwomenadesirethatissopowerfulinthem，andsonaturaltothem。AndwhenIhearthembragofhavingsomaidenlyandsotemperateawill，Ilaughatthem:theyretiretoofarback。Ifitbeanoldtoothlesstrot，orayoungdryconsumptivething，thoughitbenotaltogethertobebelieved，atleasttheysayitwithmoresimilitudeoftruth。Buttheywhostillmoveandbreathe，talkatthatridiculousratetotheirownprejudice，byreasonthatinconsiderateexcusesareakindofself—accusation;likeagentleman，aneighbourofmine，suspectedtobeinsufficient:
\"Languidiorteneracuipendenssiculabeta，Numquamsemediamsustulitadtunicam，\"
[Catullus，lxvii。2，i。——Thesenseisinthecontext。]
whothreeorfourdaysafterhewasmarried，tojustifyhimself，wentaboutboldlyswearingthathehadriddentwentystagesthenightbefore:
anoaththatwasafterwardsmadeuseoftoconvicthimofhisignoranceinthataffair，andtodivorcehimfromhiswife。Besides，itsignifiesnothing，forthereisneithercontinencynorvirtuewheretherearenoopposingdesires。Itistrue，theymaysay，butwewillnotyield;
saintsthemselvesspeakafterthatmanner。Imeanthosewhoboastingoodgravityoftheircoldnessandinsensibility，andwhoexpecttobebelievedwithaseriouscountenance;forwhen’tisspokenwithanaffectedlook，whentheireyesgivethelietotheirtongue，andwhentheytalkinthecantoftheirprofession，whichalwaysgoesagainstthehair，’tisgoodsport。Iamagreatservantoflibertyandplainness;
butthereisnoremedy;ifitbenotwhollysimpleorchildish，’tissilly，andunbecomingladiesinthiscommerce，andpresentlyrunsintoimpudence。Theirdisguisesandfiguresonlyservetocosenfools;lyingisthereinitsseatofhonour;’tisaby—way，thatbyaback—doorleadsustotruth。Ifwecannotcurbtheirimagination，whatwouldwehavefromthem。Effects？Thereareenoughofthemthatevadeallforeigncommunication，bywhichchastitymaybecorrupted:
\"Illudsaepefacit，quodsinetestefacit;\"
[\"Heoftendoesthatwhichhedoeswithoutawitness。\"
——Martial，vii。62，6。]
andthosewhichwefeartheleastare，peradventure，mosttobefeared;
theirsinsthatmaketheleastnoisearetheworst:
\"Offendormaechasimplicioreminus。\"
[\"Iamlessoffendedwithamoreprofessedstrumpet。\"
——Idem，vi。7，6。]
Therearewaysbywhichtheymaylosetheirvirginitywithoutprostitution，and，whichismore，withouttheirknowledge:
\"Obsterix，virginiscujusdamintegritatemmanuvelutexplorans，sivemalevolentia，siveinscitia，sivecasu，duminspicit，perdidit。\"
[\"Bymalevolence，orunskilfulness，oraccident，themidwife，seekingwiththehandtotestsomemaiden’svirginity，hassometimesdestroyedit。\"——St。Augustine，DeCivit。Dei，i。18。]
Suchaone，byseekinghermaidenhead，haslostit;anotherbyplayingwithithasdestroyedit。Wecannotpreciselycircumscribetheactions，weinterdictthem;theymustguessatourmeaningundergeneralanddoubtfulterms;theveryideaweinventfortheirchastityisridiculous:
for，amongstthegreatestpatternsthatIhaveisFatua，thewifeofFaunus:whonever，afterhermarriage，sufferedherselftobeseenbyanymanwhatever;andthewifeofHiero，whoneverperceivedherhusband’sstinkingbreath，imaginingthatitwascommontoallmen。Theymustbecomeinsensibleandinvisibletosatisfyus。
Nowletusconfessthattheknotofthisjudgmentofdutyprincipallyliesinthewill;therehavebeenhusbandswhohavesufferedcuckoldom，notonlywithoutreproachortakingoffenceattheirwives，butwithsingularobligationtothemandgreatcommendationoftheirvirtue。
Suchawomanhasbeen，whoprizedherhonouraboveherlife，andyethasprostitutedittothefuriouslustofamortalenemy，tosaveherhusband’slife，andwho，insodoing，didthatforhimshewouldnothavedoneforherself！Thisisnottheplacewhereinwearetomultiplytheseexamples;theyaretoohighandrichtobesetoffwithsopoorafoilasIcangivethemhere;letusreservethemforanoblerplace;butforexamplesofordinarylustre，dowenoteverydayseewomenamongstuswhosurrenderthemselvesfortheirhusbandssolebenefit，andbytheirexpressorderandmediation？and，ofold，PhauliustheArgian，whoofferedhistoKingPhilipoutofambition;asGalbadiditoutofcivility，who，havingentertainedMaecenasatsupper，andobservingthathiswifeandhebegantocastglancesatoneanotherandtomakeeyesandsigns，lethimselfsinkdownuponhiscushion，likeoneinaprofoundsleep，togiveopportunitytotheirdesires:whichhehandsomelyconfessed，forthereuponaservanthavingmadeboldtolayhandsontheplateuponthetable，hefranklycried，\"What，yourogue？doyounotseethatIonlysleepforMaecenas？\"Suchtheremaybe，whosemannersmaybelewdenough，whosewillmaybemorereformedthananother，whooutwardlycarriesherselfafteramoreregularmanner。Asweseesomewhocomplainofhavingvowedchastitybeforetheyknewwhattheydid;andIhavealsoknownothersreally，complainofhavingbeengivenuptodebaucherybeforetheywereoftheyearsofdiscretion。Theviceoftheparentsortheimpulseofnature，whichisaroughcounsellor，maybethecause。
IntheEastIndies，thoughchastityisofsingularreputation，yetcustompermittedamarriedwomantoprostituteherselftoanyonewhopresentedherwithanelephant，andthatwithglory，tohavebeenvaluedatsohigharate。Phaedothephilosopher，amanofbirth，afterthetakingofhiscountryElis，madeithistradetoprostitutethebeautyofhisyouth，solongasitlasted，toanyonethatwould，formoneytherebytogainhisliving:andSolonwasthefirstinGreece，’tissaid，whobyhislawsgavelibertytowomen，attheexpenseoftheirchastity，toprovideforthenecessitiesoflife;acustomthatHerodotussayshadbeenreceivedinmanygovernmentsbeforehistime。Andbesides，whatfruitisthereofthispainfulsolicitude？Forwhatjusticesoeverthereisinthispassion，weareyettoconsiderwhetheritturnstoaccountorno:doesanyonethinktocurbthem，withallhisindustry？
\"Poneseram;cohibe:sedquiscustodietipsosCustodes？cautaest，etabillisincipituxor。\"
[\"Putonalock;shutthemupunderaguard;butwhoshallguardtheguard？sheknowswhatsheisabout，andbeginswiththem。\"
——Juvenal，vi。346。]
Whatcommoditywillnotservetheirturn，insoknowinganage？
Curiosityisviciousthroughout;but’tispernicioushere。’Tisfollytoexamineintoadiseaseforwhichthereisnophysicthatdoesnotinflameandmakeitworse;ofwhichtheshamegrowsstillgreaterandmorepublicbyjealousy，andofwhichtherevengemorewoundsourchildrenthanithealsus。Youwitheranddieinthesearchofsoobscureaproof。Howmiserablyhavetheyofmytimearrivedatthatknowledgewhohavebeensounhappyastohavefounditout？Iftheinformerdoesnotatthesametimeapplyaremedyandbringrelief，’tisaninjuriousinformation，andthatbetterdeservesastabthanthelie。Wenolesslaughathimwhotakespainstopreventit，thanathimwhoisacuckoldandknowsitnot。
Thecharacterofcuckoldisindelible:whooncehasitcarriesittohisgrave;thepunishmentproclaimsitmorethanthefault。Itistomuchpurposetodragoutofobscurityanddoubtourprivatemisfortunes，thencetoexposethemontragicscaffolds;andmisfortunesthatonlyhurtusbybeingknown;forwesayagoodwifeorahappymarriage，notthattheyarereallyso，butbecausenoonesaystothecontrary。Menshouldbesodiscreetastoevadethistormentingandunprofitableknowledge:
andtheRomanshadacustom，whenreturningfromanyexpedition，tosendhomebeforetoacquainttheirwiveswiththeircoming，thattheymightnotsurprisethem;andtothispurposeitisthatacertainnationhasintroducedacustom，thatthepriestshallonthewedding—dayopenthewaytothebride，tofreethehusbandfromthedoubtandcuriosityofexamininginthefirstassault，whethershecomesavirgintohisbed，orhasbeenatthetradebefore。
Buttheworldwillbetalking。Iknow，ahundredhonestmencuckolds，honestlyandnotunbeseemingly;aworthymanispitied，notdisesteemedforit。Orderitsothatyourvirtuemayconqueryourmisfortune;thatgoodmenmaycursetheoccasion，andthathewhowrongsyoumaytremblebuttothinkon’t。And，moreover，whoescapesbeingtalkedofatthesamerate，fromtheleasteventothegreatest？
\"Totquilegionibusimperitivit\"Etmeliorquamtomultisfuit，improbe，rebus。\"
[\"Manywhohavecommandedlegions，manyamanmuchbetterfarthanyou，yourascal。\"——Lucretius，iii。1039，1041。]
Seestthouhowmanyhonestmenarereproachedwiththisinthypresence;
believethatthouartnomoresparedelsewhere。But，theveryladieswillbelaughingtoo;andwhataretheysoapttolaughatinthisvirtuousageofoursasatapeaceableandwell—composedmarriage？Eachamongstyouhasmadesomebodycuckold;andnaturerunsmuchinparallel，incompensation，andturnforturn。Thefrequencyofthisaccidentoughtlongsincetohavemadeitmoreeasy;’tisnowpassedintocustom。
Miserablepassion！whichhasthisalso，thatitisincommunicable，\"Forsetiamnostrisinviditquestibusaures;\"
[\"Fortunealsorefuseseartoourcomplaints。\"
——Catullus，lxvii。]
fortowhatfrienddareyouintrustyourgriefs，who，ifhedoesnotlaughatthem，willnotmakeuseoftheoccasiontogetashareofthequarry？Thesharps，aswellasthesweetsofmarriage，arekeptsecretbythewise;andamongstitsothertroublesomeconditionsthistoapratingfellow，asIam，isoneofthechief，thatcustomhasrendereditindecentandprejudicialtocommunicatetoanyoneallthatamanknowsandallthatamanfeels。Togivewomenthesamecounselagainstjealousywouldbesomuchtimelost;theirverybeingissomadeupofsuspicion，vanity，andcuriosity，thattocurethembyanylegitimatewayisnottobehoped。Theyoftenrecoverofthisinfirmitybyaformofhealthmuchmoretobefearedthanthediseaseitself;forasthereareenchantmentsthatcannottakeawaytheevilbutbythrowingituponanother，theyalsowillinglytransferthisevertotheirhusbands，whentheyshakeitoffthemselves。AndyetIknownot，tospeaktruth，whetheramancansufferworsefromthemthantheirjealousy;’tisthemostdangerousofalltheirconditions，astheheadisofalltheirmembers。Pittacususedtosay，——[Plutarch，OnContentment，c。II。]——
thateveryonehadhistrouble，andthathiswasthejealousheadofhiswife;butforwhichheshouldthinkhimselfperfectlyhappy。Amightyinconvenience，sure，whichcouldpoisonthewholelifeofsojust，sowise，andsovaliantaman;whatmustweotherlittlefellowsdo？ThesenateofMarseilleshadreasontogranthimhisrequestwhobeggedleavetokillhimselfthathemightbedeliveredfromtheclamourofhiswife;
for’tisamischiefthatisneverremovedbutbyremovingthewholepiece;andthathasnoremedybutflightorpatience，thoughbothofthemveryhard。Hewas，methinks，anunderstandingfellowwhosaid，’twasahappymarriagebetwixtablindwifeandadeafhusband。
Letusalsoconsiderwhetherthegreatandviolentseverityofobligationweenjointhemdoesnotproducetwoeffectscontrarytoourdesignnamely，whetheritdoesnotrenderthepursuantsmoreeagertoattack，andthewomenmoreeasytoyield。Forastothefirst，byraisingthevalueoftheplace，weraisethevalueandthedesireoftheconquest。
MightitnotbeVenusherself，whosocunninglyenhancedthepriceofhermerchandise，bymakingthelawsherbawds;knowinghowinsipidadelightitwouldbethatwasnotheightenedbyfancyandhardnesstoachieve？
Inshort，’tisallswine’sflesh，variedbysauces，asFlaminius’hostsaid。Cupidisaroguishgod，whomakesithissporttocontendwithdevotionandjustice:’tishisglorythathispowermatesallpowers，andthatallotherrulesgiveplacetohis:
\"Materiamculpaeprosequiturquesuae。\"
[\"Andseeksoutamatter（motive）forhiscrimes。\"
——Ovid，Trist。，iv。I。34。]
Astothesecondpoint;shouldwenotbelesscuckolds，ifwelessfearedtobeso？accordingtothehumourofwomenwhominterdictionincites，andwhoaremoreeager，beingforbidden:
\"Ubivelis，nolunt;ubinolis，voluntultro;
Concessapudetirevia。\"
[\"Wherethouwilt，theywon’t;wherethouwiltnot，theyspontaneouslyagree;theyareashamedtogointhepermittedpath。\"
——Terence，Eunuchus，activ。，sc。8，v43]
WhatbetterinterpretationcanwemakeofMessalina’sbehaviour？She，atfirst，madeherhusbandacuckoldinprivate，asisthecommonuse;
but，bringingherbusinessaboutwithtoomuchease，byreasonofherhusband’sstupidity，shesoonscornedthatway，andpresentlyfelltomakingopenlove，toownherlovers，andtofavourandentertaintheminthesightofall:shewouldmakehimknowandseehowsheusedhim。Thisanimal，nottoberousedwithallthis，andrenderingherpleasuresdullandflatbyhistoostupidfacility，bywhichheseemedtoauthoriseandmakethemlawful;whatdoesshe？Beingthewifeofalivingandhealthfulemperor，andatRome，thetheatreoftheworld，inthefaceofthesun，andwithsolemnceremony，andtoSilius，whohadlongbeforeenjoyedher，shepubliclymarriesherselfonedaythatherhusbandwasgoneoutofthecity。Doesitnotseemasifshewasgoingtobecomechastebyherhusband’snegligence？orthatshesoughtanotherhusbandwhomightsharpenherappetitebyhisjealousy，andwhobywatchingshouldinciteher？Butthefirstdifficultyshemetwithwasalsothelast:thisbeastsuddenlyrousedthesesleepy，sluggishsortofmenareoftenthemostdangerous:Ihavefoundbyexperiencethatthisextremetoleration，whenitcomestodissolve，producesthemostsevererevenge;
fortakingfireonasudden，angerandfurybeingcombinedinone，dischargetheirutmostforceatthefirstonset，\"Irarumqueomneseffundithabenas:\"
[\"Heletloosehiswholefury。\"——AEneid，xii。499。]
heputhertodeath，andwithheragreatnumberofthosewithwhomshehadintelligence，andevenoneofthemwhocouldnothelpit，andwhomshehadcausedtobeforcedtoherbedwithscourges。
WhatVirgilsaysofVenusandVulcan，LucretiushadbetterexpressedofastolenenjoymentbetwixtherandMars:
\"BelliferamoeneraMavorsArmipotensregit，ingremiumquisaepetuumseRejictt，aeternodevinctusvulnereamoris……
Pascitamoreavidosinhiansinte，Dea，visus，EquetuopendetresupinispiritusoreHunctu，Diva，tuorecubantemcorporesanctoCircumfusasuper，suaveisexoreloquelasFunde。\"
[\"Mars，thegodofwars，whocontrolsthecrueltasksofwar，oftenreclinesonthybosom，andgreedilydrinksloveatbothhiseyes，vanquishedbytheeternalwoundoflove:andhisbreath，ashereclines，hangsonthylips;bendingthyheadoverhimasheliesuponthysacredperson，pourforthsweetandpersuasivewords。\"
——Lucretius，i。23。]
WhenIconsiderthisrejicit，fiascit，inhians，ynolli，fovet，medullas，labefacta，pendet，percurrit，andthatnoblecircumfusa，motheroftheprettyinfuses;Idisdainthoselittlequibblesandverbalallusionsthathavesincesprungup。Thoseworthypeoplestoodinneedofnosubtletytodisguisetheirmeaning;theirlanguageisdownright，andfullofnaturalandcontinuedvigour;theyareallepigram;notonlythetail，butthehead，body，andfeet。Thereisnothingforced，nothinglanguishing，buteverythingkeepsthesamepace:
\"Contextustotesvirilisest;nonsuntcircaflosculosoccupati。\"
[\"Thewholecontextureismanly;theydon’toccupythemselveswithlittleflowersofrhetoric。\"——Seneca，Ep。，33。]
’Tisnotasofteloquence，andwithoutoffenceonly;’tisnervousandsolid，thatdoesnotsomuchplease，asitfillsandravishesthegreatestminds。WhenIseethesebraveformsofexpression，solively，soprofound，Idonotsaythat’tiswellsaid，butwellthought。’Tisthesprightlinessoftheimaginationthatswellsandelevatesthewords:
\"PectusestquoddisertumTacit。\"
[\"Theheartmakesthemaneloquent。\"——Quintilian，x。7。]
Ourpeoplecalllanguage，judgment，andfinewords，fullconceptions。
Thispaintingisnotsomuchcarriedonbydexterityofhandasbyhavingtheobjectmorevividlyimprintedinthesoul。Gallusspeakssimplybecauseheconceivessimply:Horacedoesnotcontenthimselfwithasuperficialexpression;thatwouldbetrayhim;heseesfartherandmoreclearlyintothings;hismindbreaksintoandrummagesallthemagazineofwordsandfigureswherewithtoexpresshimself，andhemusthavethemmorethanordinary，becausehisconceptionisso。Plutarchsays’thatheseestheLatintonguebythethings:’tisherethesame:thesenseilluminatesandproducesthewords，nomorewordsofair，butoffleshandbone;theysignifymorethantheysay。Moreover，thosewhoarenotwellskilledinalanguagepresentsomeimageofthis;forinItalyI
saidwhateverIhadamindtoincommondiscourse，butinmoreserioustalk，IdurstnothavetrustedmyselfwithanidiomthatIcouldnotwindandturnoutofitsordinarypace;Iwouldhaveapowerofintroducingsomethingofmyown。
Thehandlingandutteranceoffinewitsisthatwhichsetsofflanguage;
notsomuchbyinnovatingit，asbyputtingittomorevigorousandvariousservices，andbystraining，bending，andadaptingittothem。
Theydonotcreatewords，buttheyenrichtheirown，andgivethemweightandsignificationbytheusestheyputthemto，andteachthemunwontedmotions，butwithalingeniouslyanddiscreetly。AndhowlittlethistalentisgiventoallismanifestbythemanyFrenchscribblersofthisage:theyareboldandproudenoughnottofollowthecommonroad，butwantofinventionanddiscretionruinsthem;thereisnothingseenintheirwritingsbutawretchedaffectationofastrangenewstyle，withcoldandabsurddisguises，which，insteadofelevating，depressthematter:providedtheycanbuttrickthemselvesoutwithnewwords，theycarenotwhattheysignify;andtobringinanewwordbytheheadandshoulders，theyleavetheoldone，veryoftenmoresinewyandsignificantthantheother。
Thereisstuffenoughinourlanguage，butthereisadefectincuttingout:forthereisnothingthatmightnotbemadeoutofourtermsofhuntingandwar，whichisafruitfulsoiltoborrowfrom;andformsofspeaking，likeherbs，improveandgrowstrongerbybeingtransplanted。
Ifinditsufficientlyabundant，butnotsufficientlypliableandvigorous;itcommonlyquailsunderapowerfulconception;ifyouwouldmaintainthedignityofyourstyle，youwilloftenperceiveittoflagandlanguishunderyou，andthereLatinstepsintoitsrelief，asGreekdoestoothers。OfsomeofthesewordsIhavejustpickedoutwedonotsoeasilydiscerntheenergy，byreasonthatthefrequentuseofthemhasinsomesortabasedtheirbeauty，andrendereditcommon;asinourordinarylanguagetherearemanyexcellentphrasesandmetaphorstobemetwith，ofwhichthebeautyiswitheredbyage，andthecolourissulliedbytoocommonhandling;butthatnothinglessenstherelishtoanunderstandingman，nordoesitderogatefromthegloryofthoseancientauthorswho，’tislikely，firstbroughtthosewordsintothatlustre。
Thesciencestreatofthingstoorefinedly，afteranartificial，verydifferentfromthecommonandnatural，way。Mypagemakeslove，andunderstandsit;butreadtohimLeoHebraeus——[LeotheJew，Ficinus，CardinalBembo，andMarioEquicolaallwroteTreatisesonLove。]——
andFicinus，wheretheyspeakoflove，itsthoughtsandactions，heunderstandsitnot。IdonotfindinAristotlemostofmyordinarymotions;theyaretherecoveredanddisguisedinanotherrobefortheuseoftheschools。Goodspeedthem！wereIofthetrade，Iwouldasmuchnaturaliseartastheyartificialisenature。LetusletBemboandEquicolaalone。
WhenIwrite，Icanverywellspareboththecompanyandtheremembranceofbooks，lesttheyshouldinterruptmyprogress;andalso，intruth，thebestauthorstoomuchhumbleanddiscourageme:Iamverymuchofthepainter’smind，who，havingrepresentedcocksmostwretchedlyill，chargedallhisboysnottosufferanynaturalcocktocomeintohisshop;andhadratherneedtogivemyselfalittlelustre，oftheinventionofAntigenidesthemusician，who，whenhewasaskedtosingorplay，tookcarebeforehandthattheauditoryshould，eitherbeforeorafter，besatiatedwithsomeotherillmusicians。ButIcanhardlybewithoutPlutarch;heissouniversalandsofull，thatuponalloccasions，andwhatextravagantsubjectsoeveryoutakeinhand，hewillstillbeatyourelbow，andholdouttoyoualiberalandnottobeexhaustedhandofrichesandembellishments。Itvexesmethatheissoexposedtobethespoilofthosewhoareconversantwithhim:IcanscarcecastaneyeuponhimbutIpurloineitheralegorawing。
Andalsoforthisdesignofmine’tisconvenientformeformetowriteathome，inawildcountry，whereIhavenobodytoassistorrelieveme;
whereIhardlyseeamanwhounderstandstheLatinofhisPaternoster，andofFrenchalittleless。Imighthavemadeitbetterelsewhere，butthentheworkwouldhavebeenlessmyown;anditsprincipalendandperfectionistobeexactlymine。Ireadilycorrectanaccidentalerror，ofwhichIamfull，asIruncarelesslyon;butformyordinaryandconstantimperfections，itwereakindoftreasontoputthemout。Whenanothertellsme，orthatIsaytomyself，\"Thouarttoothickoffigures:thisisawordofroughGascon:thatisadangerousphrase（IdonotrejectanyofthosethatareusedinthecommonstreetsofFrance;
theywhowouldfightcustomwithgrammararetriflers）:thisisanignorantdiscourse:thisisaparadoxicaldiscourse:thatisgoingtoofar:thoumakestthyselftoomerryattimes:menwillthinkthousayestathingingoodearnestwhichthouonlyspeakestinjest。\"——\"Yes，Iknow，butIcorrectthefaultsofinadvertence，notthoseofcustom。DoInottalkatthesameratethroughout？DoInotrepresentmyselftothelife？
’TisenoughthatIhavedonewhatIdesigned;alltheworldknowsmeinmybook，andmybookinme。\"
NowIhaveanapish，imitativequality:whenIusedtowriteverses（andInevermadeanybutLatin），theyevidentlydiscoveredthepoetIhadlastread，andsomeofmyfirstessayshavealittleexotictaste:I
speaksomethinganotherkindoflanguageatParisthanIdoatMontaigne。
WhoeverIsteadfastlylookuponeasilyleavessomeimpressionofhisuponme;whateverIconsiderIusurp，whetherafoolishcountenance，adisagreeablelook，oraridiculouswayofspeaking;andvicesmostofall，becausetheyseizeandsticktome，andwillnotleaveholdwithoutshaking。Iswearmorebyimitationthanbycomplexion:amurderousimitation，likethatoftheapessoterriblebothinstatureandstrength，thatAlexandermetwithinacertaincountryoftheIndies，andwhichhewouldhavehadmuchadoanyotherwaytohavesubdued;buttheyaffordedhimthemeansbythatinclinationoftheirstoimitatewhatevertheysawdone;forbythatthehuntersweretaughttoputonshoesintheirsight，andtotiethemfastwithmanyknots，andtomuffleuptheirheadsincapsallcomposedofrunningnooses，andtoseemtoanointtheireyeswithglue;sodidthosepoorbeastsemploytheirimitationtotheirownruintheyglueduptheirowneyes，halteredandboundthemselves。
Theotherfacultyofplayingthemimic，andingeniouslyactingthewordsandgesturesofanother，purposelytomakepeoplemerryandtoraisetheiradmiration，isnomoreinmethaninastock。WhenIswearmyownoath，’tisonly，byGod！ofalloathsthemostdirect。TheysaythatSocratessworebythedog;ZenohadforhisoaththesameinterjectionatthistimeinuseamongsttheItalians，Cappari！PythagorassworeBywaterandair。Iamsoapt，withoutthinkingofit，toreceivethesesuperficialimpressions，thatifIhaveMajestyorHighnessinmymouththreedaystogether，theycomeoutinsteadofExcellencyandLordshipeightdaysafter;andwhatIsayto—dayinsportandfoolingIshallsaythesameto—morrowseriously。Wherefore，inwriting，Imoreunwillinglyundertakebeatenarguments，lestIshouldhandlethematanother’sexpense。Everysubjectisequallyfertiletome:aflywillservethepurpose，and’tiswellifthisIhaveinhandhasnotbeenundertakenattherecommendationofasflightyawill。Imaybegin，withthatwhichpleasesmebest，forthesubjectsarealllinkedtooneanother。
Butmysouldispleasesme，inthatitordinarilyproducesitsdeepestandmostairyconceitsandwhichpleasemebest，whenIleastexpectorstudyforthem，andwhichsuddenlyvanish，havingattheinstant，nothingtoapplythemto;onhorseback，attable，andinbed:butmostonhorseback，whereIammostgiventothink。Myspeakingisalittlenicelyjealousofsilenceandattention:ifIamtalkingmybest，whoeverinterruptsme，stopsme。Intravelling，thenecessityofthewaywilloftenputastoptodiscourse;besideswhichI，forthemostpart，travelwithoutcompanyfitforregulardiscourses，bywhichmeansIhavealltheleisureIwouldtoentertainmyself。Itfallsoutasitdoesinmydreams;whilstdreamingIrecommendthemtomymemory（forIamapttodreamthatI
dream），but，thenextmorning，Imayrepresenttomyselfofwhatcomplexiontheywere，whethergay，orsad，orstrange，butwhattheywere，astotherest，themoreIendeavourtoretrievethem，thedeeperI
plungetheminoblivion。Soofthoughtsthatcomeaccidentallyintomyhead，Ihavenomorebutavainimageremaininginmymemory;onlyenoughtomakemetormentmyselfintheirquesttonopurpose。
Well，then，layingbooksaside，andmoresimplyandmateriallyspeaking，Ifind，afterall，thatLoveisnothingelsebutthethirstofenjoyingtheobjectdesired，orVenusanyotherthingthanthepleasureofdischargingone’svessels，justasthepleasurenaturegivesindischargingotherparts，thateitherbyimmoderationorindiscretionbecomevicious。AccordingtoSocrates，loveistheappetiteofgenerationbythemediationofbeauty。AndwhenIconsidertheridiculoustitillationofthispleasure，theabsurd，crack—brained，wildmotionswithwhichitinspiresZenoandCratippus，theindiscreetrage，thecountenanceinflamedwithfuryandcrueltyinthesweetesteffectsoflove，andthenthataustereair，sograve，severe，ecstatic，insowantonanaction;thatourdelightsandourexcrementsarepromiscuouslyshuffledtogether;andthatthesupremepleasurebringsalongwithit，asinpain，faintingandcomplaining;Ibelieveittobetrue，asPlatosays，thatthegodsmademanfortheirsport:
\"QuaenamistajocandiSaevitia！\"
[\"Withasportivecruelty\"（Or:）\"Whatanunkindnessthereisinjesting！\"——ClaudianinEutrop。i。24。]
andthatitwasinmockerythatnaturehasorderedthemostagitativeofactionsandthemostcommon，tomakeusequal，andtoputfoolsandwisemen，beastsandus，onalevel。Eventhemostcontemplativeandprudentman，whenIimaginehiminthisposture，Iholdhimanimpudentfellowtopretendtobeprudentandcontemplative;theyarethepeacocks’feetthatabatehispride:
\"RidentemdicereverumQuidvetat？\"
[\"Whatpreventsusfromspeakingtruthwithasmile？\"
——Horace，Sat。，i。I，24。]
Theywhobanishseriousimaginationsfromtheirsports，do，saysone，likehimwhodaresnotadorethestatueofasaint，ifnotcoveredwithaveil。Weeatanddrink，indeed，asbeastsdo;butthesearenotactionsthatobstructthefunctionsofthesoul，inthesewemaintainouradvantageoverthem;thisotheractionsubjectsallotherthought，andbyitsimperiousauthoritymakesanassofallPlato’sdivinityandphilosophy;andyetthereisnocomplaintofit。Ineverythingelseamanmaykeepsomedecorum，allotheroperationssubmittotherulesofdecency;thiscannotsomuchasinimaginationappearotherthanviciousorridiculous:findout，ifyoucan，thereinanyseriousanddiscreetprocedure。Alexandersaid，thathechieflyknewhimselftobemortalbythisactandsleeping;sleepsuffocatesandsuppressesthefacultiesofthesoul;thefamiliaritywithwomenlikewisedissipatesandexhauststhem:doubtless’tisamark，notonlyofouroriginalcorruption，butalsoofourvanityanddeformity。
Ontheoneside，naturepushesusontoit，havingfixedthemostnoble，useful，andpleasantofallherfunctionstothisdesire:and，ontheotherside，leavesustoaccuseandavoidit，asinsolentandindecent，toblushatit，andtorecommendabstinence。Arewenotbrutestocallthatworkbrutishwhichbegetsus？Peopleofsomanydifferingreligionshaveconcurredinseveralproprieties，assacrifices，lamps，burningincense，fasts，andofferings;andamongstothers，inthecondemningthisact:allopinionstendthatway，besidesthewidespreadcustomofcircumcision，whichmayberegardedasapunishment。Wehave，peradventure，reasontoblameourselvesforbeingguiltyofsofoolishaproductionasman，andtocalltheact，andthepartsthatareemployedintheact，shameful（mine，truly，arenowshamefulandpitiful）。TheEssenians，ofwhomPlinyspeaks，keptuptheircountryforseveralageswithouteithernurseorbaby—clouts，bythearrivalofstrangerswho，followingthisprettyhumour，camecontinuallytothem:awholenationbeingresolute，rathertohazardatotalextermination，thantoengagethemselvesinfemaleembraces，andrathertolosethesuccessionofmen，thantobegetone。’Tissaid，thatZenoneverhadtodowithawomanbutonceinhislife，andthenoutofcivility，thathemightnotseemtooobstinatelytodisdainthesex。
[DiogenesLaertius，vii。13。——Whatistheresaid，however，isthatZenoseldomhadcommercewithboys，lestheshouldbedeemedaverymisogynist。]
Everyoneavoidsseeingamanborn，everyonerunstoseehimdie;todestroyhimaspaciousfieldissoughtoutinthefaceofthesun，but，tomakehim，wecreepintoasdarkandprivateacorneraswecan:’tisaman’sdutytowithdrawhimselfbashfullyfromthelighttocreate;but’tisgloryandthefountainofmanyvirtuestoknowhowtodestroywhatwehavemade:theoneisinjury，theotherfavour:forAristotlesaysthattodoanyoneakindness，inacertainphraseofhiscountry，istokillhim。TheAthenians，tocouplethedisgraceofthesetwoactions，havingtopurgetheIsleofDelos，andtojustifythemselvestoApollo，interdictedatonceallbirthsandburialsintheprecinctsthereof:
\"Nostrinosmetpaenitet。\"
[\"Weareashamedofourselves。\"——Terence，Phoymio，i。3，20。]
Therearesomenationsthatwillnotbeseentoeat。Iknowalady，andofthebestquality，whohasthesameopinion，thatchewingdisfigurestheface，andtakesawaymuchfromtheladies’graceandbeauty;andthereforeunwillinglyappearsatapublictablewithanappetite;andI
knowamanalso，whocannotenduretoseeanothereat，norhimselftobeseeneating，andwhoismoreshyofcompanywhenputtinginthanwhenputtingout。IntheTurkishempire，thereareagreatnumberofmenwho，toexcelothers，neversufferthemselvestobeseenwhentheymaketheirrepast:whoneverhaveanymorethanoneaweek;whocutandmangletheirfacesandlimbs;whoneverspeaktoanyone:fanaticpeoplewhothinktohonourtheirnaturebydisnaturingthemselves;whovaluethemselvesupontheircontemptofthemselves，andpurporttogrowbetterbybeingworse。
Whatmonstrousanimalisthis，thatisahorrortohimself，towhomhisdelightsaregrievous，andwhowedshimselftomisfortune？Therearepeoplewhoconcealtheirlife:
\"Exilioquedomosetdulcialiminamutant，\"
[\"Andchangeforexiletheirhomesandpleasantabodes。\"
——Virgil，Georg。，ii。511。]
andwithdrawthemfromthesightofothermen;whoavoidhealthandcheerfulness，asdangerousandprejudicialqualities。Notonlymanysects，butmanypeoples，cursetheirbirth，andblesstheirdeath;andthereisaplacewherethesunisabominatedanddarknessadored。Weareonlyingeniousinusingourselvesill:’tistherealquarryourintellectsflyat;andintellect，whenmisapplied，isadangeroustool！
\"Omiseri！quorumgaudiacrimenhabent！\"
[\"Owretchedmen，whosepleasuresareacrime！\"
——PseudoGallus，i。180。]
Alas，poorman！thouhastenoughinconveniencesthatareinevitable，withoutincreasingthembythroeowninvention;andartmiserableenoughbynature，withoutbeingsobyart;thouhastrealandessentialdeformitiesenough，withoutforgingthosethatareimaginary。Dostthouthinkthouarttoomuchateaseunlesshalfthyeaseisuneasy？dostthoufindthatthouhastnotperformedallthenecessaryofficesthatnaturehasenjoinedthee，andthatsheisidleinthee，ifthoudostnotobligethyselftootherandnewoffices？Thoudostnotsticktoinfringeheruniversalandundoubtedlaws;butstickesttothyownspecialandfantasticrules，andbyhowmuchmoreparticular，uncertain，andcontradictorytheyare，bysomuchthouemployestthywholeendeavourinthem:thelawsofthyparishoccupyandbindthee:thoseofGodandtheworldconcerntheenot。Runbutalittleovertheexamplesofthiskind;
thylifeisfullofthem。
Whilsttheversesofthesetwopoets，treatsoreservedlyanddiscreetlyofwantonnessastheydo，methinkstheydiscoveritmuchmoreopenly。
Ladiescovertheirneckswithnetwork，priestscoverseveralsacredthings，andpaintersshadowtheirpicturestogivethemgreaterlustre:
and’tissaidthatthesunandwindstrikemoreviolentlybyreflectionthaninadirectline。TheEgyptianwiselyansweredhimwhoaskedhimwhathehadunderhiscloak，\"Itishidundermycloak，\"saidhe，\"thatthoumayestnotknowwhatitis:\"buttherearecertainotherthingsthatpeoplehideonlytoshowthem。Hearthatone，whospeaksplainer，\"Etnudumpressicorpusadusquemeum:\"
[\"Andpressedhernakedbodytomine\"（Or:）\"MybodyIappliedeventohernakedside\"——Ovid，Amor。，i。5，24。]
methinksthatheemasculatesme。LetMartialturnupVenusashighashemay，hecannotshewhersonaked:hewhosaysallthatistobesaidglutsanddisgustsus。Hewhoisafraidtoexpresshimself，drawsusontoguessatmorethanismeant;thereistreacheryinthissortofmodesty，andspeciallywhentheyhalfopen，asthesedo，sofairapathtoimagination。Boththeactionanddescriptionshouldrelishoftheft。
Themorerespectful，moretimorous，morecoy，andsecretloveoftheSpaniardsandItalianspleasesme。Iknownotwhoofoldwishedhisthroataslongasthatofacrane，thathemightthelongertastewhatheswallowed;ithadbeenbetterwishedastothisquickandprecipitouspleasure，especiallyinsuchnaturesasminethathavethefaultofbeingtooprompt。Tostayitsflightanddelayitwithpreambles:allthings——
aglance，abow，aword，asign，standforfavourandrecompensebetwixtthem。Wereitnotanexcellentpieceofthriftinhimwhocoulddineonthesteamoftheroast？’Tisapassionthatmixeswithverylittlesolidessence，farmorevanityandfeverishraving;andweshouldserveandpayitaccordingly。Letusteachtheladiestosetabettervalueandesteemuponthemselves，toamuseandfoolus:wegivethelastchargeatthefirstonset;theFrenchimpetuositywillstillshowitself;byspinningouttheirfavours，andexposingtheminsmallparcels，evenmiserableoldageitselfwillfindsomelittleshareofreward，accordingtoitsworthandmerit。Hewhohasnofruitionbutinfruition，whowinsnothingunlesshesweepsthestakes，whotakesnopleasureinthechasebutinthequarry，oughtnottointroducehimselfinourschool:themorestepsanddegreesthereare，somuchhigherandmorehonourableistheuppermostseat:weshouldtakeapleasureinbeingconductedtoit，asinmagnificentpalaces，byvariousporticoesandpassages，longandpleasantgalleries，andmanywindings。Thisdispositionofthingswouldturntoouradvantage;weshouldtherelongerstayandlongerlove;withouthopeandwithoutdesireweproceednotworthapin。Ourconquestandentirepossessioniswhattheyoughtinfinitelytodread:whentheywhollysurrenderthemselvesuptothemercyofourfidelityandconstancytheyrunamightyhazard;theyarevirtuesveryrareandhardtobefound;theladiesarenosoonerours，thanwearenomoretheirs:
\"Postquamcupidaementissatiatalibidoest，Verbanihilmetuere，nihilperjuriacurant;\"
[\"Whenourdesiresareoncesatisfied，wecarelittleforoathsandpromises。\"——Catullus，lxiv。147。]
AndThrasonides，ayoungmanofGreece，wassoinlovewithhispassionthat，having，gainedamistress’sconsent，herefusedtoenjoyher，thathemightnotbyfruitionquenchandstupefytheunquietardourofwhichhewassoproud，andwithwhichhesofedhimself。Dearnessisagoodsaucetomeat:dobutobservehowmuchthemannerofsalutation，particulartoournation，has，byitsfacilities，madekisses，whichSocratessaysaresopowerfulanddangerousforthestealingofhearts，ofnoesteem。Itisadispleasingcustomandinjuriousfortheladies，thattheymustbeobligedtolendtheirlipstoeveryfellowwhohasthreefootmenathisheels，howeverill—favouredhemaybeinhimself:
\"CujuslividanaribuscaninisDependetglacies，rigetquebarba……
Centumoccurreremaloculilingis:\"
Martial，vii。94。
andweourselvesbarelygainbyit;forastheworldisdivided，forthreebeautifulwomenwemustkissfiftyuglyones;andtoatenderstomach，likethoseofmyage，anillkissoverpaysagoodone。
InItalytheypassionatelycourteventheircommonwomenwhosellthemselvesformoney，andjustifythedoingsobysaying，\"thattherearedegreesoffruition，andthatbysuchservicetheywouldprocureforthemselvesthatwhichismostentire;thewomensellnothingbuttheirbodies;thewillistoofreeandtoomuchofitsowntobeexposedtosale。\"Sothatthesesay，’tisthewilltheyundertakeandtheyhavereason。’Tisindeedthewillthatwearetoserveandgainbywooing。
Iabhortoimaginemine，abodywithoutaffection:andthismadnessis，methinks，cousin—germantothatoftheboywhowouldneedspollutethebeautifulstatueofVenusmadebyPraxiteles;orthatofthefuriousEgyptian，whoviolatedthedeadcarcaseofawomanhewasembalming:
whichwastheoccasionofthelawthenmadeinEgypt，thatthecorpsesofbeautifulyoungwomen，ofthoseofgoodquality，shouldbekeptthreedaysbeforetheyshouldbedeliveredtothosewhoseofficeitwastotakecarefortheinterment。Perianderdidmorewonderfully，whoextendedhisconjugalaffection（moreregularandlegitimate）totheenjoymentofhiswifeMelissaaftershewasdead。DoesitnotseemalunatichumourintheMoon，seeingshecouldnootherwiseenjoyherdarlingEndymion，tolay—himforseveralmonthsasleep，andtopleaseherselfwiththefruitionofaboywhostirrednotbutinhissleep？Ilikewisesaythatweloveabodywithoutasoulorsentimentwhenweloveabodywithoutitsconsentanddesire。Allenjoymentsarenotalike:therearesomethatarehecticandlanguishing:athousandothercausesbesidesgood—