Ifhewereledawaybyaprettyfacetoslightoneaswasfitterforhim，andwhohadlovedhimastheappleofhereye，it\'shimasissufferingforit，inasmuchashe\'sawandererfromhishome，andanoutcastfromwifeandchild。\'Tothesurpriseofall，Molly\'swordsofreplywerecutshortevenwhentheywereonherlips，bySylvia。Pale，fire—eyed，andexcited，withPhilip\'schildononearm，andtheotherstretchedout，shesaid，——\'Noanecantell——noaneknow。Nooneshallspeakajudgment\'twixtPhilipandme。Heactedcruelandwrongbyme。ButI\'vesaidmywordstohimhissel\'，andI\'mnoanegoingtomakeanyplainttoothers;onlythemasknowsshouldjudge。Andit\'snotfitting，it\'snot\'（almostsobbing），\'togoonwi\'
talklikethisaforeme。\'Thetwo——forHester，whowasawarethatherpresencehadonlybeendesiredbySylviaasachecktoanunpleasanttete—a—teteconversation，hadslippedbacktoherbusinessassoonashermothercamein——thetwolookedwithsurpriseatSylvia;herwords，herwholemanner，belongedtoaphaseofhercharacterwhichseldomcameuppermost，andwhichhadnotbeenperceivedbyeitherofthembefore。AliceRose，thoughastonished，ratherapprovedofSylvia\'sspeech;itshowedthatshehadmoreseriousthoughtandfeelingonthesubjectthantheoldwomanhadgivenhercreditfor;hergeneralsilencerespectingherhusband\'sdisappearancehadledAlicetothinkthatshewastoochildishtohavereceivedanydeepimpressionfromtheevent。MollyBruntongaveventtoheropiniononSylvia\'sspeechinthefollowingwords:——\'Hoighty—toighty！Thattellstales，lass。Ifyo\'treatedsteadyPhiliptomanysuchlooksan\'speechesasyo\'ngivenusnow，it\'seasyt\'seewhyhetookhisselfoff。Why，Sylvia，Iniversawitinyo\'whenyo\'wasagirl;yo\'regrownintoaregularlittlevixen，theerewheereyo\'stand！\'Indeedshedidlookdefiant，withtheswiftcolourflushinghercheekstocrimsononitsreturn，andthefireinhereyesnotyetdiedaway。ButatMolly\'sjestingwordsshesankbackintoherusuallookandmanner，onlysayingquietly，——\'It\'sfornoanetosaywhetherI\'mvixenornot，asdoesn\'tknowth\'pastthingsasisburiedinmyheart。ButIcannotholdthemasmyfriendsasgoontalkingoneithermyhusbandormebeforemyveryface。Whathewas，Iknow;andwhatIam，Ireckonheknows。AndnowI\'llgohurrytea，foryo\'llbeneedingit，Molly！\'Thelastclauseofthisspeechwasmeanttomakepeace;butMollywasintwentymindsastowhethersheshouldaccepttheolive—branchornot。Hertemper，however，wasofthatobtusekindwhichisnoteasilyruffled;hermind，stagnantinitself，enjoyedexcitementfromwithout;andherappetitewasinvariablygood，soshestayed，inspiteoftheinevitabletete—a—tetewithAlice。Thelatter，however，refusedtobedrawnintoconversationagain;replyingtoMrsBrunton\'sspeecheswithacurtyesorno，when，indeed，sherepliedatall。Whenallweregatheredattea，Sylviawasquitecalmagain;ratherpalerthanusual，andveryattentiveandsubducedinherbehaviourtoAlice;
shewouldevidentlyfainhavebeensilent，butasMollywasherownespecialguest，thatcouldnotbe，soallherendeavourswenttowardssteeringtheconversationawayfromanyawkwardpoints。Buteachofthefour，letalonelittleBella，wasthankfulwhenthemarket—cartdrewupattheshop—door，thatwastotakeMrsBruntonbacktohersister\'shouse。Whenshewasfairlyoff，AliceRoseopenedhermouthinstrongcondemnation;
windingupwith——\'Andifaughtinmywordsgavetheecauseforoffence，Sylvia，itwasbecausemyheartrosewithinmeatthekindoftalktheeandshehadbeenhavingaboutPhilip;andherevilandlight—mindedcounseltotheeaboutwaitingsevenyears，andthenweddinganother。\'Hardasthesewordsmayseemwhenrepeated，therewassomethingofanearerapproachtoanapologyinMrsRose\'smannerthanSylviahadeverseeninitbefore。Shewassilentforafewmoments，thenshesaid，——\'Iha\'oftenthoughtoftellingyo\'andHester，special—like，whenyo\'vebeensokindtomylittleBella，thatPhilipan\'mecouldnivercometogetheragain;no，notifhecamehomethisverynight————\'Shewouldhavegoneonspeaking，butHesterinterruptedherwithalowcryofdismay。Alicesaid，——\'Hushthee，Hester。It\'snobusinesso\'thine。SylviaHepburn，thou\'rtspeakinglikeasillychild。\'\'No。I\'mspeakinglikeawoman;likeawomanasfindsoutshe\'sbeencheatedbymenasshetrusted，andashasnohelpforit。I\'mnoanegoingtosayanymoreaboutit。It\'smeashasbeenwronged，andashastobearit:
onlyIthoughtI\'dtellyo\'boththismuch，thatyo\'mightknowsomewhatwhyhewentaway，andhowIsaidmylastwordaboutit。\'Soindeeditseemed。ToallquestionsandremonstrancesfromAlice，Sylviaturnedadeafear。SheavertedherfacefromHester\'ssad，wistfullooks;
onlywhentheywerepartingforthenight，atthetopofthelittlestaircase，sheturned，andputtingherarmsroundHester\'sneckshelaidherheadonherneck，andwhispered，——\'PoorHester——poor，poorHester！ifyo\'an\'hehadbutbeenmarriedtogether，whatadealo\'sorrowwouldha\'beensparedtousall！\'Hesterpushedherawayasshefinishedthesewords;lookedsearchinglyintoherface，hereyes，andthenfollowedSylviaintoherroom，whereBellalaysleeping，shutthedoor，andalmostkneltdownatSylvia\'sfeet，claspingher，andhidingherfaceinthefoldsoftheother\'sgown。\'Sylvia，Sylvia，\'shemurmured，\'someonehastoldyou——Ithoughtnooneknew——it\'snosin——it\'sdoneawaywithnow——indeeditis——itwaslongago——beforeyo\'weremarried;butIcannotforget。Itwasashame，perhaps，tohavethoughtonitiver，whenheniverthoughto\'me;butIniverbelievedasanyonecouldha\'founditout。I\'mjustfittosinkintot\'ground，whatwi\'mysorrowandmyshame。\'Hesterwasstoppedbyherownrisingsobs，immediatelyshewasinSylvia\'sarms。Sylviawassittingonthegroundholdingher，andsoothingherwithcaressesandbrokenwords。\'I\'mallayssayingt\'wrongthings，\'saidshe。\'ItseemsasifIwereallupsetto—day;andindeedIam;\'sheadded，alludingtothenewsofKinraid\'smarriageshehadyettothinkupon。\'Butitwasn\'tyo\'，Hester:itwerenothingyo\'iversaid，ordid，orlooked，forthatmatter。Itwereyo\'rmotherasletitout。\'\'Oh，mother！mother！\'wailedoutHester;\'IniverthoughtasanyonebutGodwouldha\'knownthatIhadiverforadaythoughtonhisbeingmoretomethanabrother。\'Sylviamadenoreply，onlywentonstrokingHester\'ssmoothbrownhair，offwhichhercaphadfallen。Sylviawasthinkinghowstrangelifewas，andhowloveseemedtogoallatcrosspurposes;andwaslosingherselfinbewildermentatthemysteryoftheworld;shewasalmoststartledwhenHesterroseup，andtakingSylvia\'shandsinbothofhers，andlookingsolemnlyather，said，——\'Sylvia，yo\'knowwhathasbeenmytroubleandmyshame，andI\'msureyo\'resorryforme——forIwillhumblemyselftoyo\'，andownthatformanymonthsbeforeyo\'weremarried，Ifeltmydisappointmentlikeaheavyburdenlaidonmebydayandbynight;butnowIaskyo\'，ifyo\'veanypityformeforwhatIwentthrough，orifyo\'veanyloveformebecauseofyo\'rdeadmother\'sloveforme，orbecauseofanyfellowship，ordailybreadlinessbetweenustwo，——putthehardthoughtsofPhilipawayfromoutyo\'rheart;
hemayha\'doneyo\'wrong，anywayyo\'thinkthathehas;Iniverknewhimaughtbutkindandgood;butifhecomesbackfromwheriverinth\'wideworldhe\'sgoneto（andthere\'snotanightbutIprayGodtokeephim，andsendhimsafeback），yo\'putawaythememoryofpastinjury，andforgiveitall，andbe，whatyo\'canbe，Sylvia，ifyou\'veamindto，justthekind，goodwifeheoughttohave。\'\'Icannot;yo\'knownothingaboutit，Hester。\'\'Tellme，then，\'pleadedHester。\'No！\'saidSylvia，afteramoment\'shesitation;\'I\'ddoadealforyo\'，Iwould，butIdaren\'tforgivePhilip，evenifIcould;Itookagreatoathagain\'him。Ay，yo\'maylookshockedatme，butit\'shimasyo\'oughtfortobeshockedatifyo\'knewall。IsaidI\'dniverforgivehim;Ishallkeeptomyword。\'\'IthinkI\'dbetterprayforhisdeath，then，\'saidHester，hopelessly，andalmostbitterly，loosingherholdofSylvia\'shands。\'Ifitweren\'tforbabytheere，Icouldthinkasitweremydeathas\'udbebest。Themasonethinkst\'moston，forgetsonesoonest。\'ItwasKinraidtowhomshewasalluding;butHesterdidnotunderstandher;andafterstandingforamomentinsilence，shekissedher，andleftherforthenight。
chapter40CHAPTERXLANUNEXPECTEDMESSENGERAfterthisagitation，andthesepartialconfidences，nomorewassaidonthesubjectofPhilipformanyweeks。Theyavoidedeventheslightestallusiontohim;andnoneofthemknewhowseldomorhowoftenhemightbepresentinthemindsoftheothers。OnedaythelittleBellawasunusuallyfractiouswithsomeslightchildishindisposition，andSylviawasobligedtohaverecoursetoanever—failingpieceofamusement;namely，totakethechildintotheshop，whenthenumberofnew，bright—colouredarticleswassuretobeguilethelittlegirloutofherfretfulness。Shewaswalkingalongthehighterraceofthecounter，keptsteadybyhermother\'shand，whenMrDawson\'smarket—cartoncemorestoppedbeforethedoor。ButitwasnotMrsBruntonwhoalightednow;itwasaverysmartly—dressed，veryprettyyounglady，whoputonedaintyfootbeforetheotherwithcare，asifdescendingfromsuchaprimitivevehiclewereanewoccurrenceinherlife。Thenshelookedupatthenamesabovetheshop—door，andafterascertainingthatthiswasindeedtheplaceshedesiredtofind，shecameinblushing。\'IsMrsHepburnathome？\'sheaskedofHester，whosepositionintheshopbroughtherforwardstoreceivethecustomers，whileSylviadrewBellaoutofsightbehindsomegreatbalesofredflannel。\'CanIseeher？\'thesweet，south—countryvoicewenton，stilladdressingHester。Sylviaheardtheinquiry，andcameforwards，withalittlerusticawkwardness，feelingbothshyandcurious。\'Willyo\'pleasewalkthisway，ma\'am？\'saidshe，leadinghervisitorbackintoherowndominionoftheparlour，andleavingBellatoHester\'swillingcare。\'Youdon\'tknowme！\'saidtheprettyyounglady，joyously。\'ButIthinkyouknewmyhusband。IamMrsKinraid！\'AsobofsurpriserosetoSylvia\'slips——shechokeditdown，however，andtriedtoconcealanyemotionshemightfeel，inplacingachairforhervisitor，andtryingtomakeherfeelwelcome，although，ifthetruthmustbetold，Sylviawaswonderingallthetimewhyhervisitorcame，andhowsoonshewouldgo。\'YouknewCaptainKinraid，didyounot？\'saidtheyounglady，withinnocentinquiry;towhichSylvia\'slipsformedtheanswer，\'Yes，\'butnoclearsoundissuedtherefrom。\'ButIknowyourhusbandknewthecaptain;isheathomeyet？CanIspeaktohim？Idosowanttoseehim。\'Sylviawasutterlybewildered;MrsKinraid，thispretty，joyous，prosperouslittlebirdofawoman，Philip，Charley\'swife，whatcouldtheyhaveincommon？whatcouldtheyknowofeachother？AllshecouldsayinanswertoMrsKinraid\'seagerquestions，andstillmoreeagerlooks，was，thatherhusbandwasfromhome，hadbeenlongfromhome:shedidnotknowwherehewas，shedidnotknowwhenhewouldcomeback。MrsKinraid\'sfacefellalittle，partlyfromherownrealdisappointment，partlyoutofsympathywiththehopeless，indifferenttoneofSylvia\'sreplies。\'MrsDawsontoldmehehadgoneawayrathersuddenlyayearago，butI
thoughthemightbecomehomebynow。Iamexpectingthecaptainearlynextmonth。Oh！howIshouldhavelikedtoseeMrHepburn，andtothankhimforsavingthecaptain\'slife！\'\'Whatdoyo\'mean？\'askedSylvia，stirredoutofallassumedindifference。
\'Thecaptain！isthat\'（not\'Charley，\'shecouldnotusethatfamiliarnametotheprettyyoungwifebeforeher）\'yo\'rhusband？\'\'Yes，youknewhim，didn\'tyou？whenheusedtobestayingwithMrCorney，hisuncle？\'\'Yes，Iknewhim;butIdon\'t。understand。Willyo\'pleasetotellmeallaboutit，ma\'am？\'saidSylvia，faintly。\'Ithoughtyourhusbandwouldhavetoldyouallaboutit;Ihardlyknowwheretobegin。Youknowmyhusbandisasailor？\'Sylvianoddedassent，listeninggreedily，herheartbeatingthickallthetime。\'Andhe\'snowaCommanderintheRoyalNavy，allearnedbyhisownbravery！
Oh！Iamsoproudofhim！\'SocouldSylviahavebeenifshehadbeenhiswife;asitwas，shethoughthowoftenshehadfeltsurethathewouldbeagreatmansomeday。\'AndhehasbeenatthesiegeofAcre。\'Sylvialookedperplexedatthesestrangewords，andMrsKinraidcaughtthelook。\'St。Jeand\'Acre，youknow——thoughit\'sfinesaying\"youknow，\"whenI
didn\'tknowabitaboutitmyselftillthecaptain\'sshipwasorderedthere，thoughIwastheheadgirlatMissDobbin\'sinthegeographyclass——Acreisaseaporttown，notfarfromJaffa，whichisthemodernnameforJoppa，whereSt。Paulwenttolongago;you\'vereadofthat，I\'msure，andMountCarmel，wheretheprophetElijahwasonce，allinPalestine，youknow，onlytheTurkshavegotitnow？\'\'ButIdon\'tunderstandyet，\'saidSylvia，plaintively;\'Idaresayit\'sallverytrueaboutSt。Paul，butplease，ma\'am，willyo\'tellmeaboutyo\'rhusbandandmine——havetheymetagain？\'\'Yes，atAcre，Itellyou，\'saidMrsKinraid，withprettypetulance。\'TheTurksheldthetown，andtheFrenchwantedtotakeit;andwe，thatistheBritishFleet，wouldn\'tletthem。SoSirSidneySmith，acommodoreandagreatfriendofthecaptain\'s，landedinordertofighttheFrench;
andthecaptainandmanyofthesailorslandedwithhim;anditwasburninghot;andthepoorcaptainwaswounded，andlaya—dyingofpainandthirstwithintheenemy\'s——thatistheFrench——fire;sothattheywerereadytoshootanyoneofhisownsidewhocamenearhim。Theythoughthewasdeadhimself，yousee，ashewasverynear;andwouldhavebeentoo，ifyourhusbandhadnotcomeoutofshelter，andtakenhimupinhisarmsoronhisback（Icouldn\'tmakeoutwhich），andcarriedhimsafewithinthewalls。\'\'Itcouldn\'thavebeenPhilip，\'saidSylvia，dubiously。\'Butitwas。Thecaptainsaysso;andhe\'snotamantobemistaken。I
thoughtI\'dgothisletterwithme;andIwouldhavereadyouapartofit，butIleftitatMrsDawson\'sinmydesk;andIcan\'tsendittoyou，\'
blushingassherememberedcertainpassagesinwhich\'thecaptain\'wroteverymuchlikealover，\'orelseIwould。Butyoumaybequitesureitwasyourhusbandthatventuredintoallthatdangertosavehisoldfriend\'slife，orthecaptainwouldnothavesaidso。\'\'Buttheyweren\'t——theyweren\'t——nottocallgreatfriends。\'\'IwishI\'dgottheletterhere;Ican\'tthinkhowIcouldbesostupid;
IthinkIcanalmostremembertheverywords，though——I\'vereadthemoversooften。Hesays，\"JustasIgaveupallhope，IsawonePhilipHepburn，amanwhomIhadknownatMonkshaven，andwhomIhadsomereasontorememberwell\"——（I\'msurehesaysso——\"rememberwell\"），\"hesawmetoo，andcameattheriskofhislifetowhereIlay。Ifullyexpectedhewouldbeshotdown;andIshutmyeyesnottoseetheendofmylastchance。Theshotrainedabouthim，andIthinkhewashit;buthetookmeupandcarriedmeundercover。\"I\'msurehesaysthat，I\'vereaditoversooften;andhegoesonandsayshowhehuntedforMrHepburnallthroughtheships，assoonaseverhecould;buthecouldhearnothingofhim，eitheraliveordead。Don\'tgosowhite，forpity\'ssake！\'saidshe，suddenlystartledbySylvia\'sblanchingcolour。\'Yousee，becausehecouldn\'tfindhimaliveisnoreasonforgivinghimupasdead;becausehisnamewasn\'ttobefoundonanyoftheships\'books;sothecaptainthinkshemusthavebeenknownbyadifferentnametohisrealone。Onlyhesaysheshouldliketohaveseenhimtohavethankedhim;andhesayshewouldgiveadealtoknowwhathasbecomeofhim;andasIwasstayingtwodaysatMrsDawson\'s，ItoldthemImustcomeovertoMonkshaven，ifonlyforfiveminutes，justtohearifyourgoodhusbandwascomehome，andtoshakehishands，thathelpedtosavemyowndearcaptain。\'\'Idon\'tthinkitcouldhavebeenPhilip，\'reiteratedSylvia。\'Whynot？\'askedhervisitor;\'yousayyoudon\'tknowwhereheis;whymightn\'thehavebeentherewherethecaptainsayshewas？\'\'Buthewasn\'tasailor，noryetasoldier。\'\'Oh！buthewas。Ithinksomewherethecaptaincallshimamarine;that\'sneitheronenortheother，butalittleofboth。He\'llbecominghomesomedaysoon;andthenyou\'llsee！\'AliceRosecameinatthisminute，andMrsKinraidjumpedtotheconclusionthatshewasSylvia\'smother，andinheroverflowinggratitudeandfriendlinesstoallthefamilyofhimwhohad\'savedthecaptain\'shewentforward，andshooktheoldwoman\'shandinthatpleasantconfidingwaythatwinsallhearts。\'Here\'syourdaughter，ma\'am！\'saidshetothehalf—astonished，half—pleasedAlice。\'I\'mMrsKinraid，thewifeofthecaptainthatusedtobeintheseparts，andI\'mcometobringhernewsofherhusband，andshedon\'thalfbelieveme，thoughit\'salltohiscredit，I\'msure。\'AlicelookedsoperplexedthatSylviafeltherselfboundtoexplain。\'Shesayshe\'seitherasoldierorasailor，andalongwayoffatsomeplacenamedint\'Bible。\'\'PhilipHepburnledawaytobeasoldier！\'saidshe，\'whohadoncebeenaQuaker？\'\'Yes，andaverybraveonetoo，andonethatitwoulddomyheartgoodtolookupon，\'exclaimedMrsKinraid。\'He\'sbeensavingmyhusband\'slifeintheHolyLand，whereJerusalemis，youknow。\'\'Nay！\'saidAlice，alittlescornfully。\'IcanforgiveSylviafornotbeingoverkeentocreditthynews。Hermanofpeacebecomingamanofwar;andsufferedtoenterJerusalem，whichisaheavenlyandatypicalcityatthistime;whileme，asisoneoftheelect，isobligedtogoondwellinginMonkshaven，justlikeanyotherbody。\'\'Nay，but，\'saidMrsKinraid，gently，seeingshewastouchingondelicateground，\'IdidnotsayhehadgonetoJerusalem，butmyhusbandsawhiminthoseparts，andhewasdoinghisdutylikeabrave，goodman;ay，andmorethanhisduty;and，youmaytakemywordforit，he\'llbeathomesomedaysoon，andallIbegisthatyou\'llletthecaptainandmeknow，forI\'msureifwecan，we\'llbothcomeandpayourrespectstohim。AndI\'mverygladI\'veseenyou，\'saidshe，risingtogo，andputtingoutherhandtoshakethatofSylvia;\'for，besidesbeingHepburn\'swife，I\'mprettysureI\'veheardthecaptainspeakofyou;andifeveryoucometoBristolIhopeyou\'llcomeandseeusonCliftonDowns。\'Shewentaway，leavingSylviaalmoststunnedbythenewideaspresentedtoher。Philipasoldier！Philipinabattle，riskinghislife。Moststrangeofall，CharleyandPhiliponcemoremeetingtogether，notasrivalsorasfoes，butassaviourandsaved！Addtoallthistheconviction，strengthenedbyeverywordthathappy，lovingwifehaduttered，thatKinraid\'sold，passionateloveforherselfhadfadedawayandvanishedutterly:itsveryexistenceapparentlyblottedoutofhismemory。Shehadtornupherloveforhimbytheroots，butshefeltasifshecouldneverforgetthatithadbeen。HesterbroughtbackBellatohermother。Shehadnotlikedtointerrupttheconversationwiththestrangeladybefore;andnowshefoundhermotherinanobviousstateofexcitement;Sylviaquieterthanusual。\'ThatwasKinraid\'swife，Hester！Himthatwasth\'specksioneerasmadesuchanoiseaboutt\'placeatthetimeofDarley\'sdeath。He\'snowacaptain——anavycaptain，accordingtowhatshesays。Andshe\'dfainhaveusbelievethatPhilipisabidinginallmannerofScriptureplaces;placesashasbeenlongdoneawaywith，butthesimilitudewhereofisintheheavens，wheretheelectshallonedayseethem。AndshesaysPhilipisthere，andasoldier，andthathesavedherhusband\'slife，andiscominghomesoon。
IwonderwhatJohnandJeremiah\'llsaytohissoldieringthen？It\'llnoanebetotheirtaste，I\'mthinking。\'ThiswasallveryunintelligibletoHester，andshewoulddearlyhavelikedtoquestionSylvia;butSylviasatealittleapart，withBellaonherknee，hercheekrestingonherchild\'sgoldencurls，andhereyesfixedandalmosttrance—like，asifshewereseeingthingsnotpresent。SoHesterhadtobecontentwithaskinghermotherasmanyelucidatoryquestionsasshecould;andafteralldidnotgainaveryclearideaofwhathadreallybeensaidbyMrsKinraid，ashermotherwasmorefulloftheapparentinjusticeofPhilip\'sbeingallowedtheprivilegeoftreadingonholyground——if，indeed，thatholygroundexistedonthissideheaven，whichshewasinclinedtodispute——thantoconfineherselftotherepetitionofwords，ornarration\'offacts。SuddenlySylviarousedherselftoasenseofHester\'sdeepinterestandbalkedinquiries，andshewentoverthegroundrapidly。\'Yo\'rmothersaysright——sheishiswife。Andhe\'sawayfighting;andgottooneart\'Frenchaswasshootingandfiringallroundhim;andjustthen，accordingtoherstory，Philipsawhim，andwentstraightintot\'midsto\'t\'shots，andfetchedhimouto\'danger。That\'swhatshesays，andupholds。\'\'Andwhyshoulditnotbe？\'askedHester，hercheekflushing。ButSylviaonlyshookherhead，andsaid，\'Icannottell。Itmaybeso。Butthey\'dlittlecausetobefriends，anditseemsallsostrange——Philipasoldier，andthemmeetingtheereafterall！\'HesterlaidthestoryofPhilip\'sbraverytoherheart——shefullybelievedinit。Sylviapondereditmoredeeplystill;thecausesforherdisbelief，or，atanyrate，forherwonder，wereunknowntoHester！ManyatimeshesanktosleepwiththepictureoftheeventnarratedbyMrsKinraidaspresenttohermindasherimaginationorexperiencecouldmakeit:firstonefigureprominent，thenanother。Manyamorningshewakenedup，herheartbeatingwildly，why，sheknewnot，tillsheshudderedattheremembranceofthescenesthathadpassedinherdreams:scenesthatmightbeactedinrealitythatveryday;forPhilipmightcomeback，andthen？AndwherewasPhilipallthistime，thesemanyweeks，theseheavilypassingmonths？
chapter41CHAPTERXLITHEBEDESMANOFST。SEPULCHREPhiliplaylongillonboardthehospitalship。Ifhishearthadbeenlight，hemighthaveralliedsooner;buthewassodepressedhedidnotcaretolive。Hisshatteredjaw—bone，hisburntandblackenedface，hismanyinjuriesofbody，weretorturetobothhisphysicalframe，andhissick，wearyheart。
Nomorechanceforhim，ifindeedthereeverhadbeenany，ofreturninggayandgallant，andthusregaininghiswife\'slove。Thishadbeenhispoor，foolishvisioninthefirsthourofhisenlistment;andthevaindreamhadrecurredmorethanonceinthefeverishstageofexcitementwhichthenewscenesintowhichhehadbeenhurriedasarecruithadcalledforth。
Butthatwasallovernow。Heknewthatitwasthemostunlikelythingintheworldtohavecometopass;andyetthosewerehappydayswhenhecouldthinkofitasbarelypossible。Nowallhecouldlookforwardtowasdisfigurement，feebleness，andthebarepittancethatkeepspensionersfromabsolutewant。Thosearoundhimwerekindenoughtohimintheirfashion，andattendedtohisbodilyrequirements;buttheyhadnonotionoflisteningtoanyrevelationsofunhappiness，ifPhiliphadbeenthemantomakeconfidencesofthatkind。Asitwas，helayverystillinhisberth，seldomaskingforanything，andalwayssayinghewasbetter，whentheship—surgeoncameroundwithhisdailyinquiries。Buthedidnotcaretorally，andwasrathersorrytofindthathiscasewasconsideredsointerestinginasurgicalpointofview，thathewaslikelytoreceiveagooddealmorethantheaverageamountofattention。Perhapsitwasowingtothisthatherecoveredatall。Thedoctorssaiditwastheheatthatmadehimlanguid，forthathiswoundsandburnswerealldoingwellatlast;andby—and—bytheytoldhimtheyhadorderedhim\'home。\'Hispulsesankunderthesurgeon\'sfingeratthementionoftheword;buthedidnotsayaword。Hewastooindifferenttolifeandtheworldtohaveawill;otherwisetheymighthavekepttheirpetpatientalittlelongerwherehewas。Slowlypassingfromshiptoshipasoccasionserved;restinghereandthereingarrisonhospitals，PhilipatlengthreachedPortsmouthontheeveningofaSeptemberdayin1799。Thetransport—shipinwhichhewas，wasloadedwithwoundedandinvalidedsoldiersandsailors;allwhocouldmanageitinanywaystruggledondecktocatchthefirstviewofthewhitecoastsofEngland。Onemanliftedhisarm，tookoffhiscap，andfeeblywaveditaloft，crying，\'OldEnglandforever！\'inafaintshrillvoice，andthenburstintotearsandsobbedaloud。Otherstriedtopipeup\'RuleBritannia，\'
whilemoresate，weakandmotionless，lookingtowardstheshoresthatonce，notsolongago，theyneverthoughttoseeagain。Philipwasoneofthese;
hisplacealittleapartfromtheothermen。Hewasmuffledupinagreatmilitarycloakthathadbeengivenhimbyoneofhisofficers;hefelttheSeptemberbreezechillafterhissojourninawarmerclimate，andinhisshatteredstateofhealth。AstheshipcameinsightofPortsmouthharbour，thesignalflagsranuptheropes;thebelovedUnionJackfloatedtriumphantlyoverall。Returnsignalsweremadefromtheharbour;onboardallbecamebustleandpreparationforlanding;whileonshoretherewastheevidentmovementofexpectation，andmeninuniformwereseenpressingtheirwaytothefront，asiftothembelongedtherightofreception。Theywerethemenfromthebarrackhospital，thathadbeensignalledfor，comedownwithambulancelittersandothermarksoffore—thoughtforthesickandwounded，whowerereturningtothecountryforwhichtheyhadfoughtandsuffered。Withadashandagreatrockingswingthevesselcameuptoherappointedplace，andwassafelymoored。Philipsatstill，almostasifhehadnopartinthecriesofwelcome，thebustlingcare，thelouddirectionsthatcuttheairaroundhim，andpiercedhisnervesthroughandthrough。Butoneinauthoritygavetheorder;andPhilip，disciplinedtoobedience，rosetofindhisknapsackandleavetheship。Passiveasheseemedtobe，hehadhislikingsforparticularcomrades;therewasoneespecially，amanasdifferentfromPhilipaswellcouldbe，towhomthelatterhadalwaysattachedhimself;amerryfellowfromSomersetshire，whowasalmostalwayscheerfulandbright，thoughPhiliphadoverheardthedoctorssayhewouldneverbethemanhewasbeforehehadthatshotthroughtheside。Thismarinewouldoftensitmakinghisfellowslaugh，andlaughinghimselfathisowngood—humouredjokes，tillsoterribleafitofcoughingcameonthatthosearoundhimfearedhewoulddieintheparoxysm。Afteroneofthesefitshehadgaspedoutsomewords，whichledPhiliptoquestionhimalittle;anditturnedoutthatinthequietlittlevillageofPotterne，farinland，nestledbeneaththehighstretchesofSalisburyPlain，hehadawifeandachild，alittlegirl，justthesameageeventoaweekasPhilip\'sownlittleBella。ItwasthisthatdrewPhiliptowardstheman;
andthisthatmadePhilipwaitandgoashorealongwiththepoorconsumptivemarine。Thelittershadmovedofftowardsthehospital，thesergeantinchargehadgivenhiswordsofcommandtotheremaininginvalids，whotriedtoobeythemtothebestoftheirpower，fallingintosomethinglikemilitaryorderfortheirmarch;butsoon，verysoon，theweakestbrokestep，andlaggedbehind;andfeltasiftheroughwelcomesandrudeexpressionsofsympathyfromthecrowdaroundwerealmosttoomuchforthem。Philipandhiscompanionwereaboutmidway，whensuddenlyayoungwomanwithachildinherarmsforcedherselfthroughthepeople，betweenthesoldierswhokeptpressingoneitherside，andthrewherselfontheneckofPhilip\'sfriend。\'Oh，Jem！\'shesobbed，\'I\'vewalkedalltheroadfromPotterne。I\'veneverstoppedbutforfoodandrestforNelly，andnowI\'vegotyouonceagain，I\'vegotyouonceagain，blessGodforit！\'Shedidnotseemtoseethedeadlychangethathadcomeoverherhusbandsinceshepartedwithhimaruddyyounglabourer;shehadgothimonceagain，asshephrasedit，andthatwasenoughforher;shekissedhisface，hishands，hisverycoat，norwouldsheberepulsedfromwalkingbesidehimandholdinghishand，whileherlittlegirlranalongscaredbythevoicesandthestrangefaces，andclingingtohermammy\'sgown。Jemcoughed，poorfellow！hecoughedhischurchyardcough;andPhilipbitterlyenviedhim——enviedhislife，enviedhisapproachingdeath;forwashenotwrappedroundwiththatwoman\'stenderlove，andisnotsuchlovestrongerthandeath？Philiphadfeltasifhisownheartwasgrownnumb，andasthoughithadchangedtoacoldheavystone。Butatthecontrastofthisman\'slottohisown，hefeltthathehadyetthepowerofsufferinglefttohim。Theroadtheyhadtogowasfullofpeople，keptoffinsomemeasurebytheguardofsoldiers。Allsortsofkindlyspeeches，andmanyacuriousquestion，wereaddressedtothepoorinvalidsastheywalkedalong。Philip\'sjaw，andthelowerpartofhisface，werebandagedup;hiscapwassloucheddown;heheldhiscloakabouthim，andshiveredwithinitsfolds。Theycametoastandstillfromsomeslightobstacleatthecornerofastreet。Downthecausewayofthisstreetanavalofficerwithaladyonhisarmwaswalkingbriskly，withastepthattoldofhealthandalightheart。Hestayedhisprogressthough，whenhesawtheconvoyofmaimedandwoundedmen;hesaidsomething，ofwhichPhiliponlycaughtthewords，\'sameuniform，\'\'forhissake，\'totheyounglady，whosecheekblanchedalittle，butwhoseeyeskindled。Thenleavingherforaninstant，hepressedforward;hewasclosetoPhilip，——poorsadPhilipabsorbedinhisownthoughts，——soabsorbedthathenoticednothingtillheheardavoiceathisear，havingtheNorthumbrianburr，theNewcastleinflectionswhichheknewofold，andthatweretohimlikethesickmemoryofadeadlyillness;andthenheturnedhismuffledfacetothespeaker，thoughheknewwellenoughwhoitwas，andavertedhiseyesafteronesightofthehandsome，happyman，——themanwhoselifehehadsavedonce，andwouldsaveagain，attheriskofhisown，butwhom，forallthat，heprayedthathemightnevermeetmoreonearth。\'Here，myfinefellow，takethis，\'forcingacrownpieceintoPhilip\'shand。\'Iwishitweremore;I\'dgiveyouapoundifIhaditwithme。\'Philipmutteredsomething，andheldoutthecointoCaptainKinraid，ofcourseinvain;norwastheretimetourgeitbackuponthegiver，fortheobstacletotheirprogresswassuddenlyremoved，thecrowdpresseduponthecaptainandhiswife，theprocessionmovedon，andPhilipalongwithit，holdingthepieceinhishand，andlongingtothrowitfaraway。
Indeedhewasonthepointofdroppingit，hopingtodosounperceived，whenhebethought\'himofgivingittoJem\'swife，thefootsorewoman，limpinghappilyalongbyherhusband\'sside。Theythankedhim，andspokeinhispraisemorethanhecouldwellbear。Itwasnocredittohimtogivethatawaywhichburnedhisfingersaslongashekeptit。PhilipknewthattheinjurieshehadreceivedintheexplosiononboardtheTheseuswouldobligehimtoleavetheservice。Healsobelievedthattheywouldentitlehimtoapension。Buthehadlittleinterestinhisfuturelife;hewaswithouthope，andinadepressedstateofhealth。
Heremainedforsomelittletimestationary，andthenwentthroughalltheformsofdismissalonaccountofwoundsreceivedinservice，andwasturnedoutlooseupontheworld，uncertainwheretogo，indifferentastowhatbecameofhim。Itwasfine，warmOctoberweatherasheturnedhisbackuponthecoast，andsetoffonhiswalknorthwards。Greenleaveswereyetuponthetrees;
thehedgeswereoneflushoffoliageandthewildrough—flavouredfruitsofdifferentkinds;thefieldsweretawnywiththeuncleared—offstubble，oremeraldgreenwiththegrowthoftheaftermath。TheroadsidecottagegardensweregaywithhollyhocksandMichaelmasdaisiesandmarigolds，andthebrightpanesofthewindowsglitteredthroughaveilofChinaroses。Thewarwasapopularone，and，asanaturalconsequence，soldiersandsailorswereheroeseverywhere。Philip\'slongdroopingform，hisarmhunginasling，hisfacescarredandblackened，hisjawboundupwithablacksilkhandkerchief;thesemarksofactiveservicewerereverencedbytherusticcottagersasthoughtheyhadbeencrownsandsceptres。Manyahard—handedlabourerlefthisseatbythechimneycorner，andcametohisdoortohavealookatonewhohadbeenfightingtheFrench，andpushedforwardtohaveagraspofthestranger\'shandashegavebacktheemptycupintothegoodwife\'skeeping，forthekindhomelywomenwereeverreadywithmilkorhomebrewedtoslakethefeverishtraveller\'sthirstwhenhestoppedattheirdoorsandaskedforadrinkofwater。Atthevillagepublic—househehadhadawelcomeofamoreinterestedcharacter，forthelandlordknewfullwellthathiscircleofcustomerswouldbelargethatnight，ifitwasonlyknownthathehadwithinhisdoorsasoldierorasailorwhohadseenservice。TherusticpoliticianswouldgatherroundPhilip，andsmokeanddrink，andthenquestionanddiscusstilltheyweredrouthyagain;andintheirsturdyobtusemindstheysetdowntheextraglass，andthesupernumerarypipetothescoreofpatriotism。AltogetherhumannatureturneditssunnysideouttoPhilipjustnow;andnotbeforeheneededthewarmthofbrotherlykindnesstocheerhisshiveringsoul。Dayafterdayhedriftednorthwards，makingbuttheslowprogressofafeebleman，andyetthisshortdailywalktiredhimsomuchthathelongedforrest——forthemorningtocomewhenheneedednottofeelthatinthecourseofanhourortwohemustbeupandaway。Hewastoilingonwiththislongingathisheartwhenhesawthathewasdrawingnearastatelycity，withagreatoldcathedralinthecentrekeepingsolemnguard。Thisplacemightbeyettwoorthreemilesdistant;hewasonarisinggroundlookingdownuponit。Alabouringmanpassingby，observedhispallidlooksandhislanguidattitude，andtoldhimforhiscomfort，thatifheturneddownalanetotheleftafewstepsfartheron，hewouldfindhimselfattheHospitalofSt。Sepulchre，wherebreadandbeerweregiventoallcomers，andwherehemightsithimdownandrestawhileontheoldstonebencheswithintheshadowofthegateway。Obeyingthesedirections，PhilipcameuponabuildingwhichdatedfromthetimeofHenrytheFifth。