\'YouknowIamascoundrel，Jane？\'erelongheinquiredwistfully—wondering，Isuppose，atmycontinuedsilenceandtameness，theresultratherofweaknessthanofwill。
\'Yes，sir。\'
\'Thentellmesoroundlyandsharply—don\'tspareme。\'
\'Icannot:Iamtiredandsick。Iwantsomewater。\'Heheavedasortofshudderingsigh，andtakingmeinhisarms，carriedmedownstairs。AtfirstIdidnotknowtowhatroomhehadborneme;
allwascloudytomyglazedsight:presentlyIfelttherevivingwarmthofafire;for，summerasitwas，Ihadbecomeicycoldinmychamber。Heputwinetomylips;Itasteditandrevived;thenIatesomethingheofferedme，andwassoonmyself。Iwasinthelibrary—
sittinginhischair—hewasquitenear。\'IfIcouldgooutoflifenow，withouttoosharpapang，itwouldbewellforme，\'Ithought;
\'thenIshouldnothavetomaketheeffortofcrackingmyheart—stringsinrendingthemfromamongMr。Rochester\'s。Imustleavehim，itappears。Idonotwanttoleavehim—Icannotleavehim。\'
\'Howareyounow，Jane？\'
\'Muchbetter，sir;Ishallbewellsoon。\'
\'Tastethewineagain，Jane。\'
Iobeyedhim;thenheputtheglassonthetable，stoodbeforeme，andlookedatmeattentively。Suddenlyheturnedaway，withaninarticulateexclamation，fullofpassionateemotionofsomekind;
hewalkedfastthroughtheroomandcameback;hestoopedtowardsmeasiftokissme;butIrememberedcaresseswerenowforbidden。I
turnedmyfaceawayandputhisaside。
\'What！—Howisthis？\'heexclaimedhastily。\'Oh，Iknow！
youwon\'tkissthehusbandofBerthaMason？Youconsidermyarmsfilledandmyembracesappropriated？\'
\'Atanyrate，thereisneitherroomnorclaimforme，sir。\'
\'Why，Jane？Iwillspareyouthetroubleofmuchtalking;
Iwillanswerforyou—BecauseIhaveawifealready，youwouldreply。—I
guessrightly？\'
\'Yes。\'
\'Ifyouthinkso，youmusthaveastrangeopinionofme;
youmustregardmeasaplottingprofligate—abaseandlowrakewhohasbeensimulatingdisinterestedloveinordertodrawyouintoasnaredeliberatelylaid，andstripyouofhonourandrobyouofself—respect。Whatdoyousaytothat？Iseeyoucansaynothing:inthefirstplace，youarefaintstill，andhaveenoughtodotodrawyourbreath;inthesecondplace，youcannotyetaccustomyourselftoaccuseandrevileme，andbesides，theflood—gatesoftearsareopened，andtheywouldrushoutifyouspokemuch;andyouhavenodesiretoexpostulate，toupbraid，tomakeascene:youarethinkinghowtoact—talkingyouconsiderisofnouse。Iknowyou—Iamonmyguard。\'
\'Sir，Idonotwishtoactagainstyou，\'Isaid;andmyunsteadyvoicewarnedmetocurtailmysentence。
\'Notinyoursenseoftheword，butinmineyouareschemingtodestroyme。YouhaveasgoodassaidthatIamamarriedman—asamarriedmanyouwillshunme，keepoutofmyway:justnowyouhaverefusedtokissme。Youintendtomakeyourselfacompletestrangertome:toliveunderthisroofonlyasAdele\'sgoverness;ifeverIsayafriendlywordtoyou，ifeverafriendlyfeelinginclinesyouagaintome，youwillsay，—\"Thatmanhadnearlymademehismistress:Imustbeiceandrocktohim\";andiceandrockyouwillaccordinglybecome。\'
Iclearedandsteadiedmyvoicetoreply:\'Allischangedaboutme，sir;Imustchangetoo—thereisnodoubtofthat;andtoavoidfluctuationsoffeeling，andcontinualcombatswithrecollectionsandassociations，thereisonlyoneway—Adelemusthaveanewgoverness，sir。\'
\'Oh，Adelewillgotoschool—Ihavesettledthatalready;
nordoI
meantotormentyouwiththehideousassociationsandrecollectionsofThornfieldHall—thisaccursedplace—thistentofAchan—thisinsolentvault，offeringtheghastlinessoflivingdeathtothelightoftheopensky—thisnarrowstonehell，withitsonerealfiend，worsethanalegionofsuchasweimagine。Jane，youshallnotstayhere，norwillI。IwaswrongevertobringyoutoThornfieldHall，knowingasIdidhowitwashaunted。Ichargedthemtoconcealfromyou，beforeIeversawyou，allknowledgeofthecurseoftheplace;merelybecauseIfearedAdeleneverwouldhaveagovernesstostayifsheknewwithwhatinmateshewashoused，andmyplanswouldnotpermitmetoremovethemaniacelsewhere—thoughIpossessanoldhouse，FerndeanManor，evenmoreretiredandhiddenthanthis，whereIcouldhavelodgedhersafelyenough，hadnotascrupleabouttheunhealthinessofthesituation，intheheartofawood，mademyconsciencerecoilfromthearrangement。Probablythosedampwallswouldsoonhaveeasedmeofhercharge:buttoeachvillainhisownvice;andmineisnotatendencytoindirectassassination，evenofwhatImosthate。
\'Concealingthemad—woman\'sneighbourhoodfromyou，however，wassomethinglikecoveringachildwithacloakandlayingitdownnearaupas—tree:thatdemon\'svicinageispoisoned，andalwayswas。ButI\'llshutupThornfieldHall:I\'llnailupthefrontdoorandboardthelowerwindows:I\'llgiveMrs。Pooletwohundredayeartoliveherewithmywife，asyoutermthatfearfulhag:Gracewilldomuchformoney，andsheshallhaveherson，thekeeperatGrimsbyRetreat，tobearhercompanyandbeathandtogiveheraidintheparoxysms，whenmywifeispromptedbyherfamiliartoburnpeopleintheirbedsatnight，tostabthem，tobitetheirfleshfromtheirbones，andsoon—\'
\'Sir，\'Iinterruptedhim，\'youareinexorableforthatunfortunatelady:youspeakofherwithhate—withvindictiveantipathy。Itiscruel—shecannothelpbeingmad。\'
\'Jane，mylittledarling（soIwillcallyou，forsoyouare），youdon\'tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout;youmisjudgemeagain:itisnotbecausesheismadIhateher。Ifyouweremad，doyouthinkIshouldhateyou？\'
\'Idoindeed，sir。\'
\'Thenyouaremistaken，andyouknownothingaboutme，andnothingaboutthesortofloveofwhichIamcapable。Everyatomofyourfleshisasdeartomeasmyown:inpainandsicknessitwouldstillbedear。Yourmindismytreasure，andifitwerebroken，itwouldbemytreasurestill:ifyouraved，myarmsshouldconfineyou，andnotastraitwaistcoat—yourgrasp，eveninfury，wouldhaveacharmforme:ifyouflewatmeaswildlyasthatwomandidthismorning，Ishouldreceiveyouinanembrace，atleastasfondasitwouldberestrictive。IshouldnotshrinkfromyouwithdisgustasIdidfromher:inyourquietmomentsyoushouldhavenowatcherandnonursebutme;andIcouldhangoveryouwithuntiringtenderness，thoughyougavemenosmileinreturn;andneverwearyofgazingintoyoureyes，thoughtheyhadnolongerarayofrecognitionforme。—ButwhydoIfollowthattrainofideas？IwastalkingofremovingyoufromThornfield。All，youknow，ispreparedforpromptdeparture:to—morrowyoushallgo。Ionlyaskyoutoendureonemorenightunderthisroof，Jane;andthen，farewelltoitsmiseriesandterrorsforever！Ihaveaplacetorepairto，whichwillbeasecuresanctuaryfromhatefulreminiscences，fromunwelcomeintrusion—evenfromfalsehoodandslander。\'
\'AndtakeAdelewithyou，sir，\'Iinterrupted;\'shewillbeacompanionforyou。\'
\'Whatdoyoumean，Jane？ItoldyouIwouldsendAdeletoschool;
andwhatdoIwantwithachildforacompanion，andnotmyownchild，—aFrenchdancer\'sbastard？Whydoyouimportunemeabouther！Isay，whydoyouassignAdeletomeforacompanion？\'
\'Youspokeofaretirement，sir;andretirementandsolitudearedull:toodullforyou。\'
\'Solitude！solitude！\'hereiteratedwithirritation。\'I
seeI
mustcometoanexplanation。Idon\'tknowwhatsphynx—likeexpressionisforminginyourcountenance。Youaretosharemysolitude。Doyouunderstand？\'
Ishookmyhead:itrequiredadegreeofcourage，excitedashewasbecoming，eventoriskthatmutesignofdissent。Hehadbeenwalkingfastabouttheroom，andhestopped，asifsuddenlyrootedtoonespot。Helookedatmelongandhard:Iturnedmyeyesfromhim，fixedthemonthefire，andtriedtoassumeandmaintainaquiet，collectedaspect。
\'NowforthehitchinJane\'scharacter，\'hesaidatlast，speakingmorecalmlythanfromhislookIhadexpectedhimtospeak。
\'Thereelofsilkhasrunsmoothlyenoughsofar;butIalwaysknewtherewouldcomeaknotandapuzzle:hereitis。Nowforvexation，andexasperation，andendlesstrouble！ByGod！IlongtoexertafractionofSamson\'sstrength，andbreaktheentanglementliketow！\'
Herecommencedhiswalk，butsoonagainstopped，andthistimejustbeforeme。
\'Jane！willyouhearreason？\'（hestoopedandapproachedhislipstomyear）;\'because，ifyouwon\'t，I\'lltryviolence。Hisvoicewashoarse;hislookthatofamanwhoisjustabouttoburstaninsufferablebondandplungeheadlongintowildlicense。Isawthatinanothermoment，andwithoneimpetusoffrenzymore，Ishouldbeabletodonothingwithhim。Thepresent—thepassingsecondoftime—wasallIhadinwhichtocontrolandrestrainhim:amovementofrepulsion，flight，fearwouldhavesealedmydoom，—andhis。ButIwasnotafraid:notintheleast。Ifeltaninwardpower;asenseofinfluence，whichsupportedme。Thecrisiswasperilous;butnotwithoutitscharm:suchastheIndian，perhaps，feelswhenheslipsovertherapidinhiscanoe。Itookholdofhisclenchedhand，loosenedthecontortedfingers，andsaidtohim，soothingly—
\'Sitdown;I\'lltalktoyouaslongasyoulike，andhearallyouhavetosay，whetherreasonableorunreasonable。\'
Hesatdown:buthedidnotgetleavetospeakdirectly。
Ihadbeenstrugglingwithtearsforsometime:Ihadtakengreatpainstorepressthem，becauseIknewhewouldnotliketoseemeweep。Now，however，Iconsidereditwelltoletthemflowasfreelyandaslongastheyliked。Ifthefloodannoyedhim，somuchthebetter。SoIgavewayandcriedheartily。
SoonIheardhimearnestlyentreatingmetobecomposed。
IsaidI
couldnotwhilehewasinsuchapassion。
\'ButIamnotangry，Jane:Ionlyloveyoutoowell;andyouhadsteeledyourlittlepalefacewithsucharesolute，frozenlook，I
couldnotendureit。Hush，now，andwipeyoureyes。\'
Hissoftenedvoiceannouncedthathewassubdued;soI，inmyturn，becamecalm。Nowhemadeanefforttoresthisheadonmyshoulder，butIwouldnotpermitit。Thenhewoulddrawmetohim:no。
\'Jane！Jane！\'hesaid，insuchanaccentofbittersadnessitthrilledalongeverynerveIhad;\'youdon\'tloveme，then？Itwasonlymystation，andtherankofmywife，thatyouvalued？Nowthatyouthinkmedisqualifiedtobecomeyourhusband，yourecoilfrommytouchasifIweresometoadorape。\'
Thesewordscutme:yetwhatcouldIdoorsay？Ioughtprobablytohavedoneorsaidnothing;butIwassotorturedbyasenseofremorseatthushurtinghisfeelings，IcouldnotcontrolthewishtodropbalmwhereIhadwounded。
\'Idoloveyou，\'Isaid，\'morethanever:butImustnotshoworindulgethefeeling:andthisisthelasttimeImustexpressit。\'
\'Thelasttime，Jane！What！doyouthinkyoucanlivewithme，andseemedaily，andyet，ifyoustillloveme，bealwayscoldanddistant？\'
\'No，sir;thatIamcertainIcouldnot;andthereforeIseethereisbutoneway:butyouwillbefuriousifImentionit。\'
\'Oh，mentionit！IfIstorm，youhavetheartofweeping。\'
\'Mr。Rochester，Imustleaveyou。\'
\'Forhowlong，Jane？Forafewminutes，whileyousmoothyourhair—
whichissomewhatdishevelled;andbatheyourface—whichlooksfeverish？\'
\'ImustleaveAdeleandThornfield。Imustpartwithyouformywholelife:Imustbeginanewexistenceamongstrangefacesandstrangescenes。\'
\'Ofcourse:Itoldyouyoushould。Ipassoverthemadnessaboutpartingfromme。Youmeanyoumustbecomeapartofme。Astothenewexistence，itisallright:youshallyetbemywife:Iamnotmarried。YoushallbeMrs。Rochester—bothvirtuallyandnominally。
IshallkeeponlytoyousolongasyouandIlive。YoushallgotoaplaceIhaveinthesouthofFrance:awhitewashedvillaontheshoresoftheMediterranean。Thereyoushallliveahappy，andguarded，andmostinnocentlife。NeverfearthatIwishtolureyouintoerror—tomakeyoumymistress。Whydidyoushakeyourhead？
Jane，youmustbereasonable，orintruthIshallagainbecomefrantic。\'
Hisvoiceandhandquivered:hislargenostrilsdilated;
hiseyeblazed:stillIdaredtospeak。
\'Sir，yourwifeisliving:thatisafactacknowledgedthismorningbyyourself。IfIlivedwithyouasyoudesire，Ishouldthenbeyourmistress:tosayotherwiseissophistical—isfalse。\'
\'Jane，Iamnotagentle—temperedman—youforgetthat:
Iamnotlong—enduring;Iamnotcoolanddispassionate。Outofpitytomeandyourself，putyourfingeronmypulse，feelhowitthrobs，and—
beware！\'
Hebaredhiswrist，andofferedittome:thebloodwasforsakinghischeekandlips，theyweregrowinglivid;Iwasdistressedonallhands。Toagitatehimthusdeeply，byaresistancehesoabhorred，wascruel:toyieldwasoutofthequestion。Ididwhathumanbeingsdoinstinctivelywhentheyaredriventoutterextremity—lookedforaidtoonehigherthanman:thewords\'Godhelpme！\'burstinvoluntarilyfrommylips。
\'Iamafool！\'criedMr。Rochestersuddenly。\'IkeeptellingherIamnotmarried，anddonotexplaintoherwhy。Iforgetsheknowsnothingofthecharacterofthatwoman，orofthecircumstancesattendingmyinfernalunionwithher。Oh，IamcertainJanewillagreewithmeinopinion，whensheknowsallthatIknow！Justputyourhandinmine，Janet—thatImayhavetheevidenceoftouchaswellassight，toproveyouarenearme—andIwillinafewwordsshowyoutherealstateofthecase。Canyoulistentome？\'
\'Yes，sir;forhoursifyouwill。\'
\'Iaskonlyminutes。Jane，didyoueverhearorknowthatIwasnottheeldestsonofmyhouse:thatIhadonceabrotherolderthanI？\'
\'IrememberMrs。Fairfaxtoldmesoonce。\'
\'Anddidyoueverhearthatmyfatherwasanavaricious，graspingman？\'
\'Ihaveunderstoodsomethingtothateffect。\'
\'Well，Jane，beingso，itwashisresolutiontokeepthepropertytogether;hecouldnotbeartheideaofdividinghisestateandleavingmeafairportion:all，heresolved，shouldgotomybrother，Rowland。Yetaslittlecouldheendurethatasonofhisshouldbeapoorman。Imustbeprovidedforbyawealthymarriage。
Hesoughtmeapartnerbetimes。Mr。Mason，aWestIndiaplanterandmerchant，washisoldacquaintance。Hewascertainhispossessionswererealandvast:hemadeinquiries。Mr。Mason，hefound，hadasonanddaughter;andhelearnedfromhimthathecouldandwouldgivethelatterafortuneofthirtythousandpounds:thatsufficed。WhenIleftcollege，IwassentouttoJamaica，toespouseabridealreadycourtedforme。Myfathersaidnothingabouthermoney;buthetoldmeMissMasonwastheboastofSpanishTownforherbeauty:andthiswasnolie。Ifoundherafinewoman，inthestyleofBlancheIngram:tall，dark，andmajestic。HerfamilywishedtosecuremebecauseIwasofagoodrace;andsodidshe。Theyshowedhertomeinparties，splendidlydressed。Iseldomsawheralone，andhadverylittleprivateconversationwithher。Sheflatteredme，andlavishlydisplayedformypleasurehercharmsandaccomplishments。Allthemeninhercircleseemedtoadmireherandenvyme。Iwasdazzled，stimulated:mysenseswereexcited;andbeingignorant，raw，andinexperienced，IthoughtIlovedher。Thereisnofollysobesottedthattheidioticrivalriesofsociety，theprurience，therashness，theblindnessofyouth，willnothurryamantoitscommission。Herrelativesencouragedme;competitorspiquedme;shealluredme:amarriagewasachievedalmostbeforeIknewwhereIwas。Oh，IhavenorespectformyselfwhenIthinkofthatact！—anagonyofinwardcontemptmastersme。Ineverloved，Ineveresteemed，Ididnotevenknowher。Iwasnotsureoftheexistenceofonevirtueinhernature:
Ihadmarkedneithermodesty，norbenevolence，norcandour，norrefinementinhermindormanners—and，Imarriedher:—gross，grovelling，mole—eyedblockheadthatIwas！WithlesssinImighthave—ButletmeremembertowhomIamspeaking。
\'Mybride\'smotherIhadneverseen:Iunderstoodshewasdead。Thehoneymoonover，Ilearnedmymistake;shewasonlymad，andshutupinalunaticasylum。Therewasayoungerbrother，too—acompletedumbidiot。Theelderone，whomyouhaveseen（andwhomIcannothate，whilstIabhorallhiskindred，becausehehassomegrainsofaffectioninhisfeeblemind，showninthecontinuedinteresthetakesinhiswretchedsister，andalsoinadog—likeattachmentheonceboreme），willprobablybeinthesamestateoneday。MyfatherandmybrotherRowlandknewallthis;buttheythoughtonlyofthethirtythousandpounds，andjoinedintheplotagainstme。
\'Thesewerevilediscoveries;butexceptforthetreacheryofconcealment，Ishouldhavemadethemnosubjectofreproachtomywife，evenwhenIfoundhernaturewhollyalientomine，hertastesobnoxioustome，hercastofmindcommon，low，narrow，andsingularlyincapableofbeingledtoanythinghigher，expandedtoanythinglarger—whenIfoundthatIcouldnotpassasingleevening，norevenasinglehourofthedaywithherincomfort;thatkindlyconversationcouldnotbesustainedbetweenus，becausewhatevertopicIstarted，immediatelyreceivedfromheraturnatoncecoarseandtrite，perverseandimbecile—whenIperceivedthatI
shouldneverhaveaquietorsettledhousehold，becausenoservantwouldbearthecontinuedoutbreaksofherviolentandunreasonabletemper，orthevexationsofherabsurd，contradictory，exactingorders—eventhenIrestrainedmyself:Ieschewedupbraiding，I
curtailedremonstrance;Itriedtodevourmyrepentanceanddisgustinsecret;IrepressedthedeepantipathyIfelt。
\'Jane，Iwillnottroubleyouwithabominabledetails:
somestrongwordsshallexpresswhatIhavetosay。Ilivedwiththatwomanupstairsfouryears，andbeforethattimeshehadtriedmeindeed:hercharacterripenedanddevelopedwithfrightfulrapidity;hervicessprangupfastandrank:theyweresostrong，onlycrueltycouldcheckthem，andIwouldnotusecruelty。Whatapigmyintellectshehad，andwhatgiantpropensities！Howfearfulwerethecursesthosepropensitiesentailedonme！BerthaMason，thetruedaughterofaninfamousmother，draggedmethroughallthehideousanddegradingagonieswhichmustattendamanboundtoawifeatonceintemperateandunchaste。
\'Mybrotherintheintervalwasdead，andattheendofthefouryearsmyfatherdiedtoo。Iwasrichenoughnow—yetpoortohideousindigence:anaturethemostgross，impure，depravedIeversaw，wasassociatedwithmine，andcalledbythelawandbysocietyapartofme。AndIcouldnotridmyselfofitbyanylegalproceedings:forthedoctorsnowdiscoveredthatmywifewasmad—herexcesseshadprematurelydevelopedthegermsofinsanity。Jane，youdon\'tlikemynarrative;youlookalmostsick—shallIdefertheresttoanotherday？\'
\'No，sir，finishitnow;Ipityyou—Idoearnestlypityyou。\'
\'Pity，Jane，fromsomepeopleisanoxiousandinsultingsortoftribute，whichoneisjustifiedinhurlingbackintheteethofthosewhoofferit;butthatisthesortofpitynativetocallous，selfishhearts;itisahybrid，egotisticalpainathearingofwoes，crossedwithignorantcontemptforthosewhohaveenduredthem。Butthatisnotyourpity，Jane;itisnotthefeelingofwhichyourwholefaceisfullatthismoment—withwhichyoureyesarenowalmostoverflowing—withwhichyourheartisheaving—withwhichyourhandistremblinginmine。Yourpity，mydarling，isthesufferingmotheroflove:itsanguishistheverynatalpangofthedivinepassion。I
acceptit，Jane;letthedaughterhavefreeadvent—myarmswaittoreceiveher。\'
\'Now，sir，proceed;whatdidyoudowhenyoufoundshewasmad？\'
\'Jane，Iapproachedthevergeofdespair;aremnantofself—respectwasallthatintervenedbetweenmeandthegulf。Intheeyesoftheworld，Iwasdoubtlesscoveredwithgrimydishonour;butIresolvedtobecleaninmyownsight—andtothelastIrepudiatedthecontaminationofhercrimes，andwrenchedmyselffromconnectionwithhermentaldefects。Still，societyassociatedmynameandpersonwithhers;Iyetsawherandheardherdaily:somethingofherbreath（faugh！）mixedwiththeairIbreathed;andbesides，I
rememberedIhadoncebeenherhusband—thatrecollectionwasthen，andisnow，inexpressiblyodioustome;moreover，IknewthatwhileshelivedIcouldneverbethehusbandofanotherandbetterwife;
and，thoughfiveyearsmysenior（herfamilyandherfatherhadliedtomeevenintheparticularofherage），shewaslikelytoliveaslongasI，beingasrobustinframeasshewasinfirminmind。Thus，attheageoftwenty—six，Iwashopeless。
\'OnenightIhadbeenawakenedbyheryells—（sincethemedicalmenhadpronouncedhermad，shehad，ofcourse，beenshutup）—itwasafieryWestIndiannight;oneofthedescriptionthatfrequentlyprecedethehurricanesofthoseclimates。Beingunabletosleepinbed，Igotupandopenedthewindow。Theairwaslikesulphur—steams—Icouldfindnorefreshmentanywhere。Mosquitoescamebuzzinginandhummedsullenlyroundtheroom;thesea，whichI
couldhearfromthence，rumbleddulllikeanearthquake—blackcloudswerecastingupoverit;themoonwassettinginthewaves，broadandred，likeahotcannon—ball—shethrewherlastbloodyglanceoveraworldquiveringwiththefermentoftempest。Iwasphysicallyinfluencedbytheatmosphereandscene，andmyearswerefilledwiththecursesthemaniacstillshriekedout;whereinshemomentarilymingledmynamewithsuchatoneofdemon—hate，withsuchlanguage！—noprofessedharloteverhadafoulervocabularythanshe:thoughtworoomsoff，Iheardeveryword—thethinpartitionsoftheWestIndiahouseopposingbutslightobstructiontoherwolfishcries。
\'\"Thislife，\"saidIatlast，\"ishell:thisistheair—
thosearethesoundsofthebottomlesspit！IhavearighttodelivermyselffromitifIcan。Thesufferingsofthismortalstatewillleavemewiththeheavyfleshthatnowcumbersmysoul。Ofthefanatic\'sburningeternityIhavenofear:thereisnotafuturestateworsethanthispresentone—letmebreakaway，andgohometoGod！\"
\'IsaidthiswhilstIkneltdownat，andunlockedatrunkwhichcontainedabraceofloadedpistols:Imeanttoshootmyself。Ionlyentertainedtheintentionforamoment;for，notbeinginsane，thecrisisofexquisiteandunalloyeddespair，whichhadoriginatedthewishanddesignofself—destruction，waspastinasecond。
\'AwindfreshfromEuropeblewovertheoceanandrushedthroughtheopencasement:thestormbroke，streamed，thundered，blazed，andtheairgrewpure。Ithenframedandfixedaresolution。WhileI
walkedunderthedrippingorange—treesofmywetgarden，andamongstitsdrenchedpomegranatesandpineapples，andwhiletherefulgentdawnofthetropicskindledroundme—Ireasonedthus，Jane—andnowlisten;foritwastrueWisdomthatconsoledmeinthathour，andshowedmetherightpathtofollow。
\'ThesweetwindfromEuropewasstillwhisperingintherefreshedleaves，andtheAtlanticwasthunderingingloriousliberty;myheart，driedupandscorchedforalongtime，swelledtothetone，andfilledwithlivingblood—mybeinglongedforrenewal—mysoulthirstedforapuredraught。Isawhoperevive—andfeltregenerationpossible。
FromafloweryarchatthebottomofmygardenIgazedoverthesea—
bluerthanthesky:theoldworldwasbeyond;clearprospectsopenedthus:—
\'\"Go，\"saidHope，\"andliveagaininEurope:thereitisnotknownwhatasulliednameyoubear，norwhatafilthyburdenisboundtoyou。YoumaytakethemaniacwithyoutoEngland;confineherwithdueattendanceandprecautionsatThornfield:thentravelyourselftowhatclimeyouwill，andformwhatnewtieyoulike。
Thatwoman，whohassoabusedyourlong—suffering，sosulliedyourname，sooutragedyourhonour，soblightedyouryouth，isnotyourwife，norareyouherhusband。Seethatsheiscaredforasherconditiondemands，andyouhavedoneallthatGodandhumanityrequireofyou。Letheridentity，herconnectionwithyourself，beburiedinoblivion:youareboundtoimpartthemtonolivingbeing。Placeherinsafetyandcomfort:shelterherdegradationwithsecrecy，andleaveher。\"
\'Iactedpreciselyonthissuggestion。Myfatherandbrotherhadnotmademymarriageknowntotheiracquaintance;because，intheveryfirstletterIwrotetoapprisethemoftheunion—havingalreadybeguntoexperienceextremedisgustofitsconsequences，and，fromthefamilycharacterandconstitution，seeingahideousfutureopeningtome—Iaddedanurgentchargetokeepitsecret:andverysoontheinfamousconductofthewifemyfatherhadselectedformewassuchastomakehimblushtoownherashisdaughter—in—law。Farfromdesiringtopublishtheconnection，hebecameasanxioustoconcealitasmyself。
\'ToEngland，then，Iconveyedher;afearfulvoyageIhadwithsuchamonsterinthevessel。GladwasIwhenIatlastgothertoThornfield，andsawhersafelylodgedinthatthirdstoreyroom，ofwhosesecretinnercabinetshehasnowfortenyearsmadeawildbeast\'sden—agoblin\'scell。Ihadsometroubleinfindinganattendantforher，asitwasnecessarytoselectoneonwhosefidelitydependencecouldbeplaced;forherravingswouldinevitablybetraymysecret:besides，shehadlucidintervalsofdays—sometimesweeks—
whichshefilledupwithabuseofme。AtlastIhiredGracePoolefromtheGrimsbyRetreat。Sheandthesurgeon，Carter（whodressedMason\'swoundsthatnighthewasstabbedandworried），aretheonlytwoIhaveeveradmittedtomyconfidence。Mrs。Fairfaxmayindeedhavesuspectedsomething，butshecouldhavegainednopreciseknowledgeastofacts。Gracehas，onthewhole，provedagoodkeeper;though，owingpartlytoafaultofherown，ofwhichitappearsnothingcancureher，andwhichisincidenttoherharassingprofession，hervigilancehasbeenmorethanoncelulledandbaffled。Thelunaticisbothcunningandmalignant;shehasneverfailedtotakeadvantageofherguardian\'stemporarylapses;oncetosecretetheknifewithwhichshestabbedherbrother，andtwicetopossessherselfofthekeyofhercell，andissuetherefrominthenight—time。Onthefirstoftheseoccasions，sheperpetratedtheattempttoburnmeinmybed;onthesecond，shepaidthatghastlyvisittoyou。IthankProvidence，whowatchedoveryou，thatshethenspentherfuryonyourweddingapparel，whichperhapsbroughtbackvaguereminiscencesofherownbridaldays:butonwhatmighthavehappened，Icannotenduretoreflect。WhenIthinkofthethingwhichflewatmythroatthismorning，hangingitsblackandscarletvisageoverthenestofmydove，mybloodcurdles—\'
\'Andwhat，sir，\'Iasked，whilehepaused，\'didyoudowhenyouhadsettledherhere？Wheredidyougo？\'
\'WhatdidIdo，Jane？Itransformedmyselfintoawill—o\'—the—wisp。
WheredidIgo？IpursuedwanderingsaswildasthoseoftheMarch—spirit。IsoughttheContinent，andwentdeviousthroughallitslands。Myfixeddesirewastoseekandfindagoodandintelligentwoman，whomIcouldlove:acontrasttothefuryIleftatThornfield—\'
\'Butyoucouldnotmarry，sir。\'
\'IhaddeterminedandwasconvincedthatIcouldandought。
Itwasnotmyoriginalintentiontodeceive，asIhavedeceivedyou。I
meanttotellmytaleplainly，andmakemyproposalsopenly:anditappearedtomesoabsolutelyrationalthatIshouldbeconsideredfreetoloveandbeloved，Ineverdoubtedsomewomanmightbefoundwillingandabletounderstandmycaseandacceptme，inspiteofthecursewithwhichIwasburdened。\'
\'Well，sir？\'
\'Whenyouareinquisitive，Jane，youalwaysmakemesmile。
Youopenyoureyeslikeaneagerbird，andmakeeverynowandthenarestlessmovement，asifanswersinspeechdidnotflowfastenoughforyou，andyouwantedtoreadthetabletofone\'sheart。ButbeforeIgoon，tellmewhatyoumeanbyyour\"Well，sir？\"Itisasmallphraseveryfrequentwithyou;andwhichmanyatimehasdrawnmeonandonthroughinterminabletalk:Idon\'tverywellknowwhy。\'
\'Imean，—Whatnext？Howdidyouproceed？Whatcameofsuchanevent？\'
\'Precisely！andwhatdoyouwishtoknownow？\'
\'Whetheryoufoundanyoneyouliked:whetheryouaskedhertomarryyou;andwhatshesaid。\'
\'IcantellyouwhetherIfoundanyoneIliked，andwhetherI
askedhertomarryme:butwhatshesaidisyettoberecordedinthebookofFate。FortenlongyearsIrovedabout，livingfirstinonecapital，thenanother:sometimesinSt。Petersburg;oftenerinParis;occasionallyinRome，Naples，andFlorence。Providedwithplentyofmoneyandthepassportofanoldname，Icouldchoosemyownsociety:nocircleswereclosedagainstme。IsoughtmyidealofawomanamongstEnglishladies，Frenchcountesses，Italiansignoras，andGermangrafinnen。Icouldnotfindher。Sometimes，forafleetingmoment，IthoughtIcaughtaglance，heardatone，beheldaform，whichannouncedtherealisationofmydream:butIwaspresentlyundeceived。YouarenottosupposethatIdesiredperfection，eitherofmindorperson。Ilongedonlyforwhatsuitedme—fortheantipodesoftheCreole:andIlongedvainly。AmongstthemallIfoundnotonewhom，hadIbeeneversofree，I—warnedasIwasoftherisks，thehorrors，theloathingsofincongruousunions—wouldhaveaskedtomarryme。Disappointmentmademereckless。Itrieddissipation—
neverdebauchery:thatIhated，andhate。ThatwasmyIndianMessalina\'sattribute:rooteddisgustatitandherrestrainedmemuch，eveninpleasure。Anyenjoymentthatborderedonriotseemedtoapproachmetoherandhervices，andIeschewedit。