butofhappyloveandblissfulunion。\'
Thispredictionwasbuthalffulfilled:Ididnotindeeddreamofsorrow,butaslittledidIdreamofjoy;forIneversleptatall。
WithlittleAdeleinmyarms,Iwatchedtheslumberofchildhood—sotranquil,sopassionless,soinnocent—andwaitedforthecomingday:allmylifewasawakeandastirinmyframe:andassoonasthesunroseIrosetoo。IrememberAdeleclungtomeasIlefther:I
rememberIkissedherasIloosenedherlittlehandsfrommyneck;andIcriedoverherwithstrangeemotion,andquittedherbecauseI
fearedmysobswouldbreakherstillsoundrepose。Sheseemedtheemblemofmypastlife;andheIwasnowtoarraymyselftomeet,thedread,butadored,typeofmyunknownfutureday。
chapter26
CHAPTERXXVI
SOPHIEcameatseventodressme:shewasverylongindeedinaccomplishinghertask;solongthatMr。Rochester,grown,I
suppose,impatientofmydelay,sentuptoaskwhyIdidnotcome。Shewasjustfasteningmyveil(theplainsquareofblondafterall)tomyhairwithabrooch;IhurriedfromunderherhandsassoonasIcould。
\'Stop!\'shecriedinFrench。\'Lookatyourselfinthemirror:
youhavenottakenonepeep。\'
SoIturnedatthedoor:Isawarobedandveiledfigure,sounlikemyusualselfthatitseemedalmosttheimageofastranger。\'Jane!\'
calledavoice,andIhasteneddown。IwasreceivedatthefootofthestairsbyMr。Rochester。
\'Lingerer!\'hesaid,\'mybrainisonfirewithimpatience,andyoutarrysolong!\'
Hetookmeintothedining—room,surveyedmekeenlyallover,pronouncedme\'fairasalily,andnotonlytheprideofhislife,butthedesireofhiseyes,\'andthentellingmehewouldgivemebuttenminutestoeatsomebreakfast,herangthebell。Oneofhislatelyhiredservants,afootman,answeredit。
\'IsJohngettingthecarriageready?\'
\'Yes,sir。\'
\'Istheluggagebroughtdown?\'
\'Theyarebringingitdown,sir。\'
\'Goyoutothechurch:seeifMr。Wood(theclergyman)
andtheclerkarethere:returnandtellme。\'
Thechurch,asthereaderknows,wasbutjustbeyondthegates;thefootmansoonreturned。
\'Mr。Woodisinthevestry,sir,puttingonhissurplice。\'
\'Andthecarriage?\'
\'Thehorsesareharnessing。\'
\'Weshallnotwantittogotochurch;butitmustbereadythemomentwereturn:alltheboxesandluggagearrangedandstrappedon,andthecoachmaninhisseat。\'
\'Yes,sir。\'
\'Jane,areyouready?\'
Irose。Therewerenogroomsmen,nobridesmaids,norelativestowaitforormarshal:nonebutMr。RochesterandI。Mrs。Fairfaxstoodinthehallaswepassed。Iwouldfainhavespokentoher,butmyhandwasheldbyagraspofiron:IwashurriedalongbyastrideI
couldhardlyfollow;andtolookatMr。Rochester\'sfacewastofeelthatnotasecondofdelaywouldbetoleratedforanypurpose。I
wonderwhatotherbridegroomeverlookedashedid—sobentuptoapurpose,sogrimlyresolute:orwho,undersuchsteadfastbrows,everrevealedsuchflamingandflashingeyes。
Iknownotwhetherthedaywasfairorfoul;indescendingthedrive,Igazedneitheronskynorearth:myheartwaswithmyeyes;
andbothseemedmigratedintoMr。Rochester\'sframe。Iwantedtoseetheinvisiblethingonwhich,aswewentalong,heappearedtofastenaglancefierceandfell。Iwantedtofeelthethoughtswhoseforceheseemedbreastingandresisting。
Atthechurchyardwickethestopped:hediscoveredIwasquiteoutofbreath。\'AmIcruelinmylove?\'hesaid。\'Delayaninstant:
leanonme,Jane。\'
AndnowIcanrecallthepictureofthegreyoldhouseofGodrisingcalmbeforeme,ofarookwheelingroundthesteeple,ofaruddymorningskybeyond。Iremembersomething,too,ofthegreengrave—mounds;andIhavenotforgotten,either,twofiguresofstrangersstrayingamongstthelowhillocksandreadingthemementoesgravenonthefewmossyhead—stones。Inoticedthem,because,astheysawus,theypassedroundtothebackofthechurch;andIdoubtednottheyweregoingtoenterbytheside—aisledoorandwitnesstheceremony。ByMr。Rochestertheywerenotobserved;hewasearnestlylookingatmyface,fromwhichthebloodhad,Idaresay,momentarilyfled:forIfeltmyforeheaddewy,andmycheeksandlipscold。WhenIrallied,whichIsoondid,hewalkedgentlywithmeupthepathtotheporch。
Weenteredthequietandhumbletemple;thepriestwaitedinhiswhitesurpliceatthelowlyaltar,theclerkbesidehim。Allwasstill:twoshadowsonlymovedinaremotecorner。Myconjecturehadbeencorrect:thestrangershadslippedinbeforeus,andtheynowstoodbythevaultoftheRochesters,theirbackstowardsus,viewingthroughtherailstheoldtimes—stainedmarbletomb,whereakneelingangelguardedtheremainsofDamerdeRochester,slainatMarstonMoorinthetimeofthecivilwars,andofElizabeth,hiswife。
Ourplacewastakenatthecommunionrails。Hearingacautiousstepbehindme,Iglancedovermyshoulder:oneofthestrangers—agentleman,evidently—wasadvancingupthechancel。Theservicebegan。
Theexplanationoftheintentofmatrimonywasgonethrough;andthentheclergymancameastepfartherforward,and,bendingslightlytowardsMr。Rochester,wenton。
\'Irequireandchargeyouboth(asyewillansweratthedreadfuldayofjudgment,whenthesecretsofallheartsshallbedisclosed),thatifeitherofyouknowanyimpedimentwhyyemaynotlawfullybejoinedtogetherinmatrimony,yedonowconfessit;forbeyewellassuredthatsomanyasarecoupledtogetherotherwisethanGod\'sWorddothallow,arenotjoinedtogetherbyGod,neitheristheirmatrimonylawful。\'
Hepaused,asthecustomis。Whenisthepauseafterthatsentenceeverbrokenbyreply?Not,perhaps,onceinahundredyears。Andtheclergyman,whohadnotliftedhiseyesfromhisbook,andhadheldhisbreathbutforamoment,wasproceeding:hishandwasalreadystretchedtowardsMr。Rochester,ashislipsunclosedtoask,\'Wiltthouhavethiswomanforthyweddedwife?—\'whenadistinctandnearvoicesaid—
\'Themarriagecannotgoon:Ideclaretheexistenceofanimpediment。\'
Theclergymanlookedupatthespeakerandstoodmute;
theclerkdidthesame;Mr。Rochestermovedslightly,asifanearthquakehadrolledunderhisfeet:takingafirmerfooting,andnotturninghisheadoreyes,hesaid,\'Proceed。\'
Profoundsilencefellwhenhehadutteredthatword,withdeepbutlowintonation。PresentlyMr。Woodsaid—
\'Icannotproceedwithoutsomeinvestigationintowhathasbeenasserted,andevidenceofitstruthorfalsehood。\'
\'Theceremonyisquitebrokenoff,\'subjoinedthevoicebehindus。\'Iaminaconditiontoprovemyallegation:aninsuperableimpedimenttothismarriageexists。\'
Mr。Rochesterheard,butheedednot:hestoodstubbornandrigid,makingnomovementbuttopossesshimselfofmyhand。Whatahotandstronggrasphehad!andhowlikequarriedmarblewashispale,firm,massivefrontatthismoment!Howhiseyeshone,stillwatchful,andyetwildbeneath!
Mr。Woodseemedataloss。\'Whatisthenatureoftheimpediment?\'heasked。\'Perhapsitmaybegotover—explainedaway?\'
\'Hardly,\'wastheanswer。\'Ihavecalleditinsuperable,andI
speakadvisedly。\'
Thespeakercameforwardandleanedontherails。Hecontinued,utteringeachworddistinctly,calmly,steadily,butnotloudly—
\'Itsimplyconsistsintheexistenceofapreviousmarriage。
Mr。
Rochesterhasawifenowliving。\'
Mynervesvibratedtothoselow—spokenwordsastheyhadnevervibratedtothunder—mybloodfelttheirsubtleviolenceasithadneverfeltfrostorfire;butIwascollected,andinnodangerofswooning。IlookedatMr。Rochester:Imadehimlookatme。Hiswholefacewascolourlessrock:hiseyewasbothsparkandflint。Hedisavowednothing:heseemedasifhewoulddefyallthings。Withoutspeaking,withoutsmiling,withoutseemingtorecogniseinmeahumanbeing,heonlytwinedmywaistwithhisarmandrivetedmetohisside。
\'Whoareyou?\'heaskedoftheintruder。
\'Andyouwouldthrustonmeawife?\'
\'Iwouldremindyouofyourlady\'sexistence,sir,whichthelawrecognises,ifyoudonot。\'
\'Favourmewithanaccountofher—withhername,herparentage,herplaceofabode。\'
\'Certainly。\'Mr。Briggscalmlytookapaperfromhispocket,andreadoutinasortofofficial,nasalvoice:—
dateoffifteenyearsback),EdwardFairfaxRochester,ofThornfieldEngland,wasmarriedtomysister,BerthaAntoinettaMason,daughterofJonasMason,merchant,andofAntoinettahiswife,aCreole,at—
church,SpanishTown,Jamaica。Therecordofthemarriagewillbefoundintheregisterofthatchurch—acopyofitisnowinmypossession。Signed,RichardMason。\"\'
\'That—ifagenuinedocument—mayproveIhavebeenmarried,butitdoesnotprovethatthewomanmentionedthereinasmywifeisstillliving。\'
\'Shewaslivingthreemonthsago,\'returnedthelawyer。
\'Howdoyouknow?\'
\'Ihaveawitnesstothefact,whosetestimonyevenyou,sir,willscarcelycontrovert。\'
\'Producehim—orgotohell。\'
\'Iwillproducehimfirst—heisonthespot。Mr。Mason,havethegoodnesstostepforward。\'
Mr。Rochester,onhearingthename,sethisteeth;heexperienced,too,asortofstrongconvulsivequiver;neartohimasI
was,Ifeltthespasmodicmovementoffuryordespairrunthroughhisframe。Thesecondstranger,whohadhithertolingeredinthebackground,nowdrewnear;apalefacelookedoverthesolicitor\'sshoulder—yes,itwasMasonhimself。Mr。Rochesterturnedandglaredathim。Hiseye,asIhaveoftensaid,wasablackeye:ithadnowatawny,nay,abloodylightinitsgloom;andhisfaceflushed—olivecheekandhuelessforeheadreceivedaglowasfromspreading,ascendingheart—fire:andhestirred,liftedhisstrongarm—hecouldhavestruckMason,dashedhimonthechurch—floor,shockedbyruthlessblowthebreathfromhisbody—butMasonshrankawayandcriedfaintly,\'GoodGod!\'ContemptfellcoolonMr。Rochester—hispassiondiedasifablighthadshrivelleditup:heonlyasked—\'Whathaveyoutosay?\'
AninaudiblereplyescapedMason\'swhitelips。
\'Thedevilisinitifyoucannotanswerdistinctly。I
againdemand,whathaveyoutosay?\'
\'Sir—sir,\'interruptedtheclergyman,\'donotforgetyouareinasacredplace。\'ThenaddressingMason,heinquiredgently,\'Areyouaware,sir,whetherornotthisgentleman\'swifeisstillliving?\'
\'Courage,\'urgedthelawyer,—\'speakout。\'
\'SheisnowlivingatThornfieldHall,\'saidMason,inmorearticulatetones:\'IsawhertherelastApril。Iamherbrother。\'
\'AtThornfieldHall!\'ejaculatedtheclergyman。\'Impossible!
Iamanoldresidentinthisneighbourhood,sir,andIneverheardofaMrs。RochesteratThornfieldHall。\'
IsawagrimsmilecontortMr。Rochester\'slips,andhemuttered—
\'No,byGod!Itookcarethatnoneshouldhearofit—orofherunderthatname。\'Hemused—fortenminutesheheldcounselwithhimself:heformedhisresolve,andannouncedit—
\'Enough!allshallboltoutatonce,likethebulletfromthebarrel。Wood,closeyourbookandtakeoffyoursurplice;JohnGreen(totheclerk),leavethechurch:therewillbenoweddingto—day。\'
Themanobeyed。
Mr。Rochestercontinued,hardilyandrecklessly:\'Bigamyisanuglyword!—Imeant,however,tobeabigamist;butfatehasout—manoeuvredme,orProvidencehascheckedme,—perhapsthelast。Iamlittlebetterthanadevilatthismoment;and,asmypastortherewouldtellme,deservenodoubtthesternestjudgmentsofGod,eventothequenchlessfireanddeathlessworm。Gentlemen,myplanisbrokenup:—whatthislawyerandhisclientsayistrue:Ihavebeenmarried,andthewomantowhomIwasmarriedlives!YousayyouneverheardofaMrs。Rochesteratthehouseupyonder,Wood;butIdaresayyouhavemanyatimeinclinedyoureartogossipaboutthemysteriouslunatickeptthereunderwatchandward。Somehavewhisperedtoyouthatsheismybastardhalf—sister:some,mycast—offmistress。I
nowinformyouthatsheismywife,whomImarriedfifteenyearsago,—
BerthaMasonbyname;sisterofthisresolutepersonage,whoisnow,withhisquiveringlimbsandwhitecheeks,showingyouwhatastoutheartmenmaybear。Cheerup,Dick!—neverfearme!—I\'dalmostassoonstrikeawomanasyou。BerthaMasonismad;andshecameofamadfamily;idiotsandmaniacsthroughthreegenerations!Hermother,theCreole,wasbothamad—womanandadrunkard!—asIfoundoutafterIhadwedthedaughter:fortheyweresilentonfamilysecretsbefore。
Bertha,likeadutifulchild,copiedherparentinbothpoints。I
hadacharmingpartner—pure,wise,modest:youcanfancyIwasahappyman。Iwentthroughrichscenes!Oh!myexperiencehasbeenheavenly,ifyouonlyknewit!ButIoweyounofurtherexplanation。
Briggs,Wood,Mason,IinviteyoualltocomeuptothehouseandvisitMrs。Poole\'spatient,andmywife!YoushallseewhatsortofabeingIwascheatedintoespousing,andjudgewhetherornotIhadarighttobreakthecompact,andseeksympathywithsomethingatleasthuman。Thisgirl,\'hecontinued,lookingatme,\'knewnomorethanyou,Wood,ofthedisgustingsecret:shethoughtallwasfairandlegal,andneverdreamtshewasgoingtobeentrappedintoafeignedunionwithadefraudedwretch,alreadyboundtoabad,mad,andembrutedpartner!Comeallofyou—follow!\'
Stillholdingmefast,heleftthechurch:thethreegentlemencameafter。Atthefrontdoorofthehallwefoundthecarriage。
\'Takeitbacktothecoach—house,John,\'saidMr。Rochestercoolly:
\'itwillnotbewantedto—day。\'
Atourentrance,Mrs。Fairfax,Adele,Sophie,Leah,advancedtomeetandgreetus。
\'Totheright—about—everysoul!\'criedthemaster;\'awaywithyourcongratulations!Whowantsthem?NotI!—theyarefifteenyearstoolate!\'
Hepassedonandascendedthestairs,stillholdingmyhand,andstillbeckoningthegentlementofollowhim,whichtheydid。Wemountedthefirststaircase,passedupthegallery,proceededtothethirdstorey:thelow,blackdoor,openedbyMr。Rochester\'smaster—key,admittedustothetapestriedroom,withitsgreatbedanditspictorialcabinet。
\'Youknowthisplace,Mason,\'saidourguide;\'shebitandstabbedyouhere。\'
Heliftedthehangingsfromthewall,uncoveringtheseconddoor:
this,too,heopened。Inaroomwithoutawindow,thereburntafireguardedbyahighandstrongfender,andalampsuspendedfromtheceilingbyachain。GracePoolebentoverthefire,apparentlycookingsomethinginasaucepan。Inthedeepshade,atthefartherendoftheroom,afigureranbackwardsandforwards。Whatitwas,whetherbeastorhumanbeing,onecouldnot,atfirstsight,tell:itgrovelled,seemingly,onallfours;itsnatchedandgrowledlikesomestrangewildanimal:butitwascoveredwithclothing,andaquantityofdark,grizzledhair,wildasamane,hiditsheadandface。
\'Good—morrow,Mrs。Poole!\'saidMr。Rochester。\'Howareyou?andhowisyourchargeto—day?\'
\'We\'retolerable,sir,Ithankyou,\'repliedGrace,liftingtheboilingmesscarefullyontothehob:\'rathersnappish,butnot\'rageous。\'
Afiercecryseemedtogivethelietoherfavourablereport:
theclothedhyenaroseup,andstoodtallonitshind—feet。
\'Ah!sir,sheseesyou!\'exclaimedGrace:\'you\'dbetternotstay。\'
\'Onlyafewmoments,Grace:youmustallowmeafewmoments。\'
\'Takecarethen,sir!—forGod\'ssake,takecare!\'
Themaniacbellowed:shepartedhershaggylocksfromhervisage,andgazedwildlyathervisitors。Irecognisedwellthatpurpleface,—
thosebloatedfeatures。Mrs。Pooleadvanced。
\'Keepoutoftheway,\'saidMr。Rochester,thrustingheraside:
\'shehasnoknifenow,Isuppose,andI\'monmyguard!\'
\'Oneneverknowswhatshehas,sir:sheissocunning:
itisnotinmortaldiscretiontofathomhercraft。\'
\'Wehadbetterleaveher,\'whisperedMason。
\'Gotothedevil!\'washisbrother—in—law\'srecommendation。
\'\'Ware!\'criedGrace。Thethreegentlemenretreatedsimultaneously。
Mr。Rochesterflungmebehindhim:thelunaticsprangandgrappledhisthroatviciously,andlaidherteethtohischeek:theystruggled。Shewasabigwoman,instaturealmostequallingherhusband,andcorpulentbesides:sheshowedvirileforceinthecontest—morethanonceshealmostthrottledhim,athleticashewas。Hecouldhavesettledherwithawell—plantedblow:buthewouldnotstrike:hewouldonlywrestle。Atlasthemasteredherarms;GracePoolegavehimacord,andhepinionedthembehindher:withmorerope,whichwasathand,heboundhertoachair。Theoperationwasperformedamidstthefiercestyellsandthemostconvulsiveplunges。Mr。Rochesterthenturnedtothespectators:helookedatthemwithasmilebothacridanddesolate。
\'Thatismywife,\'saidhe。\'SuchisthesoleconjugalembraceIamevertoknow—sucharetheendearmentswhicharetosolacemyleisurehours!AndthisiswhatIwishedtohave\'(layinghishandonmyshoulder):\'thisyounggirl,whostandssograveandquietatthemouthofhell,lookingcollectedlyatthegambolsofademon。I
wantedherjustasachangeafterthatfierceragout。WoodandBriggs,lookatthedifference!Comparethesecleareyeswiththeredballsyonder—thisfacewiththatmask—thisformwiththatbulk;thenjudgeme,priestofthegospelandmanofthelaw,andrememberwithwhatjudgmentyejudgeyeshallbejudged!Offwithyounow。Imustshutupmyprize。\'
Weallwithdrew。Mr。Rochesterstayedamomentbehindus,togivesomefurtherordertoGracePoole。Thesolicitoraddressedmeashedescendedthestair。
\'You,madam,\'saidhe,\'areclearedfromallblame:yourunclewillbegladtohearit—if,indeed,heshouldbestillliving—whenMr。
MasonreturnstoMadeira。\'
\'Myuncle!Whatofhim?Doyouknowhim?\'
\'Mr。Masondoes。Mr。EyrehasbeentheFunchalcorrespondentofhishouseforsomeyears。WhenyourunclereceivedyourletterintimatingthecontemplatedunionbetweenyourselfandMr。
Rochester,Mr。Mason,whowasstayingatMadeiratorecruithishealth,onhiswaybacktoJamaica,happenedtobewithhim。Mr。
Eyrementionedtheintelligence;forheknewthatmyclientherewasacquaintedwithagentlemanofthenameofRochester。Mr。Mason,astonishedanddistressedasyoumaysuppose,revealedtherealstateofmatters。Youruncle,Iamsorrytosay,isnowonasick—bed;
fromwhich,consideringthenatureofhisdisease—decline—andthestageithasreached,itisunlikelyhewilleverrise。HecouldnotthenhastentoEnglandhimself,toextricateyoufromthesnareintowhichyouhadfallen,butheimploredMr。Masontolosenotimeintakingstepstopreventthefalsemarriage。Hereferredhimtomeforassistance。Iusedalldespatch,andamthankfulIwasnottoolate:asyou,doubtless,mustbealso。WereInotmorallycertainthatyourunclewillbedeadereyoureachMadeira,IwouldadviseyoutoaccompanyMr。Masonback;butasitis,IthinkyouhadbetterremaininEnglandtillyoucanhearfurther,eitherfromorofMr。
Eyre。Haveweanythingelsetostayfor?\'heinquiredofMr。Mason。
\'No,no—letusbegone,\'wastheanxiousreply;andwithoutwaitingtotakeleaveofMr。Rochester,theymadetheirexitatthehalldoor。Theclergymanstayedtoexchangeafewsentences,eitherofadmonitionorreproof,withhishaughtyparishioner;thisdutydone,hetoodeparted。
IheardhimgoasIstoodatthehalf—opendoorofmyownroom,towhichIhadnowwithdrawn。Thehousecleared,Ishutmyselfin,fastenedtheboltthatnonemightintrude,andproceeded—nottoweep,nottomourn,Iwasyettoocalmforthat,but—mechanicallytotakeoffthewedding—dress,andreplaceitbythestuffgownIhadwornyesterday,asIthought,forthelasttime。Ithensatdown:Ifeltweakandtired。Ileanedmyarmsonatable,andmyheaddroppedonthem。AndnowIthought:tillnowIhadonlyheard,seen,moved—
followedupanddownwhereIwasledordragged—watchedeventrushonevent,disclosureopenbeyonddisclosure:butnow,Ithought。
Themorninghadbeenaquietmorningenough—allexceptthebriefscenewiththelunatic:thetransactioninthechurchhadnotbeennoisy;therewasnoexplosionofpassion,noloudaltercation,nodispute,nodefianceorchallenge,notears,nosobs:afewwordshadbeenspoken,acalmlypronouncedobjectiontothemarriagemade;
somestern,shortquestionsputbyMr。Rochester;answers,explanationsgiven,evidenceadduced;anopenadmissionofthetruthhadbeenutteredbymymaster;thenthelivingproofhadbeenseen;
theintrudersweregone,andallwasover。
Iwasinmyownroomasusual—justmyself,withoutobviouschange:
nothinghadsmittenme,orscathedme,ormaimedme。AndyetwherewastheJaneEyreofyesterday?—wherewasherlife?—wherewereherprospects?
JaneEyre,whohadbeenanardent,expectantwoman—almostabride,wasacold,solitarygirlagain:herlifewaspale;herprospectsweredesolate。AChristmasfrosthadcomeatmidsummer;awhiteDecemberstormhadwhirledoverJune;iceglazedtheripeapples,driftscrushedtheblowingroses;onhayfieldandcornfieldlayafrozenshroud:laneswhichlastnightblushedfullofflowers,to—daywerepathlesswithuntroddensnow;andthewoods,whichtwelvehourssincewavedleafyandfragrantasgrovesbetweenthetropics,nowspread,waste,wild,andwhiteaspine—forestsinwintryNorway。Myhopeswerealldead—struckwithasubtledoom,suchas,inonenight,fellonallthefirst—borninthelandofEgypt。Ilookedonmycherishedwishes,yesterdaysobloomingandglowing;theylaystark,chill,lividcorpsesthatcouldneverrevive。Ilookedatmylove:
thatfeelingwhichwasmymaster\'s—whichhehadcreated;itshiveredinmyheart,likeasufferingchildinacoldcradle;
sicknessandanguishhadseizedit;itcouldnotseekMr。
Rochester\'sarms—itcouldnotderivewarmthfromhisbreast。Oh,nevermorecoulditturntohim;forfaithwasblighted—confidencedestroyed!Mr。Rochesterwasnottomewhathehadbeen;forhewasnotwhatIhadthoughthim。Iwouldnotascribevicetohim;Iwouldnotsayhehadbetrayedme;buttheattributeofstainlesstruthwasgonefromhisidea,andfromhispresenceImustgo:thatI
perceivedwell。When—how—whither,Icouldnotyetdiscern;buthehimself,Idoubtednot,wouldhurrymefromThornfield。Realaffection,itseemed,hecouldnothaveforme;ithadbeenonlyfitfulpassion:thatwasbalked;hewouldwantmenomore。Ishouldfeareventocrosshispathnow:myviewmustbehatefultohim。Oh,howblindhadbeenmyeyes!Howweakmyconduct!
Myeyeswerecoveredandclosed:eddyingdarknessseemedtoswimroundme,andreflectioncameinasblackandconfusedaflow。
Self—abandoned,relaxed,andeffortless,Iseemedtohavelaidmedowninthedried—upbedofagreatriver;Iheardafloodloosenedinremotemountains,andfeltthetorrentcome:toriseIhadnowill,tofleeIhadnostrength。Ilayfaint,longingtobedead。Oneideaonlystillthrobbedlife—likewithinme—aremembranceofGod:itbegotanunutteredprayer:thesewordswentwanderingupanddowninmyraylessmind,assomethingthatshouldbewhispered,butnoenergywasfoundtoexpressthem—
\'Benotfarfromme,fortroubleisnear:thereisnonetohelp。\'
Itwasnear:andasIhadliftednopetitiontoHeaventoavertit—
asIhadneitherjoinedmyhands,norbentmyknees,normovedmylips—itcame:infullheavyswingthetorrentpouredoverme。Thewholeconsciousnessofmylifelorn,mylovelost,myhopequenched,myfaithdeath—struck,swayedfullandmightyabovemeinonesullenmass。Thatbitterhourcannotbedescribed:intruth,\'thewaterscameintomysoul;Isankindeepmire:Ifeltnostanding:Icameintodeepwaters;thefloodsoverflowedme。\'
chapter27CHAPTERXXVII
SOMEtimeintheafternoonIraisedmyhead,andlookingroundandseeingthewesternsungildingthesignofitsdeclineonthewall,Iasked,\'WhatamItodo?\'
Buttheanswermymindgave—\'LeaveThornfieldatonce\'—
wassoprompt,sodread,thatIstoppedmyears。IsaidIcouldnotbearsuchwordsnow。\'ThatIamnotEdwardRochester\'sbrideistheleastpartofmywoe,\'Ialleged:\'thatIhavewakenedoutofmostgloriousdreams,andfoundthemallvoidandvain,isahorrorIcouldbearandmaster;butthatImustleavehimdecidedly,instantly,entirely,isintolerable。Icannotdoit。\'
But,then,avoicewithinmeaverredthatIcoulddoitandforetoldthatIshoulddoit。Iwrestledwithmyownresolution:I
wantedtobeweakthatImightavoidtheawfulpassageoffurthersufferingIsawlaidoutforme;andConscience,turnedtyrant,heldPassionbythethroat,toldhertauntingly,shehadyetbutdippedherdaintyfootintheslough,andsworethatwiththatarmofironhewouldthrustherdowntounsoundeddepthsofagony。
\'Letmebetornaway,then!\'Icried。\'Letanotherhelpme!\'
\'No;youshalltearyourselfaway,noneshallhelpyou:
youshallyourselfpluckoutyourrighteye;yourselfcutoffyourrighthand:
yourheartshallbethevictim,andyouthepriesttotransfixit。\'
Iroseupsuddenly,terror—struckatthesolitudewhichsoruthlessajudgehaunted,—atthesilencewhichsoawfulavoicefilled。MyheadswamasIstooderect。IperceivedthatIwassickeningfromexcitementandinanition;neithermeatnordrinkhadpassedmylipsthatday,forIhadtakennobreakfast。And,withastrangepang,I
nowreflectedthat,longasIhadbeenshutuphere,nomessagehadbeensenttoaskhowIwas,ortoinvitemetocomedown:notevenlittleAdelehadtappedatthedoor;notevenMrs。Fairfaxhadsoughtme。\'Friendsalwaysforgetthosewhomfortuneforsakes,\'I
murmured,asIundrewtheboltandpassedout。Istumbledoveranobstacle:myheadwasstilldizzy,mysightwasdim,andmylimbswerefeeble。Icouldnotsoonrecovermyself。Ifell,butnotontotheground;anoutstretchedarmcaughtme。Ilookedup—IwassupportedbyMr。Rochester,whosatinachairacrossmychamberthreshold。
\'Youcomeoutatlast,\'hesaid。\'Well,Ihavebeenwaitingforyoulong,andlistening:yetnotonemovementhaveIheard,noronesob:
fiveminutesmoreofthatdeath—likehush,andIshouldhaveforcedthelocklikeaburglar。Soyoushunme?—youshutyourselfupandgrievealone!Iwouldratheryouhadcomeandupbraidedmewithvehemence。Youarepassionate:Iexpectedasceneofsomekind。I
waspreparedforthehotrainoftears;onlyIwantedthemtobeshedonmybreast:nowasenselessfloorhasreceivedthem,oryourdrenchedhandkerchief。ButIerr:youhavenotweptatall!Iseeawhitecheekandafadedeye,butnotraceoftears。Isuppose,then,yourhearthasbeenweepingblood?
\'Well,Jane!notawordofreproach?Nothingbitter—nothingpoignant?Nothingtocutafeelingorstingapassion?YousitquietlywhereIhaveplacedyou,andregardmewithaweary,passivelook。
\'Jane,Inevermeanttowoundyouthus。Ifthemanwhohadbutonelittleewelambthatwasdeartohimasadaughter,thatateofhisbreadanddrankofhiscup,andlayinhisbosom,hadbysomemistakeslaughtereditattheshambles,hewouldnothaveruedhisbloodyblundermorethanInowruemine。Willyoueverforgiveme?\'
Reader,Iforgavehimatthemomentandonthespot。Therewassuchdeepremorseinhiseye,suchtruepityinhistone,suchmanlyenergyinhismanner;andbesides,therewassuchunchangedloveinhiswholelookandmien—Iforgavehimall:yetnotinwords,notoutwardly;
onlyatmyheart\'score。