Elizastillspokelittle:shehadevidentlynotimetotalk。Ineversawabusierpersonthansheseemedtobe;yetitwasdifficulttosaywhatshedid:orrather，todiscoveranyresultofherdiligence。Shehadanalarmtocallherupearly。Iknownothowsheoccupiedherselfbeforebreakfast，butafterthatmealshedividedhertimeintoregularportions，andeachhourhaditsallottedtask。Threetimesadayshestudiedalittlebook，whichIfound，oninspection，wasaCommonPrayerBook。Iaskedheroncewhatwasthegreatattractionofthatvolume，andshesaid，“theRubric。”Threehoursshegavetostitching，withgoldthread，theborderofasquarecrimsoncloth，almostlargeenoughforacarpet。Inanswertomyinquiriesaftertheuseofthisarticle，sheinformedmeitwasacoveringforthealtarofanewchurchlatelyerectednearGateshead。Twohoursshedevotedtoherdiary;twotoworkingbyherselfinthekitchen—garden;andonetotheregulationofheraccounts。Sheseemedtowantnocompany;noconversation。Ibelieveshewashappyinherway:thisroutinesufficedforher;andnothingannoyedhersomuchastheoccurrenceofanyincidentwhichforcedhertovaryitsclockworkregularity。
Shetoldmeoneevening，whenmoredisposedtobecommunicativethanusual，thatJohn’sconduct，andthethreatenedruinofthefamily，hadbeenasourceofprofoundafflictiontoher:butshehadnow，shesaid，settledhermind，andformedherresolution。Herownfortuneshehadtakencaretosecure;andwhenhermotherdied—anditwaswhollyimprobable，shetranquillyremarked，thatsheshouldeitherrecoverorlingerlong—shewouldexecutealong—cherishedproject:seekaretirementwherepunctualhabitswouldbepermanentlysecuredfromdisturbance，andplacesafebarriersbetweenherselfandafrivolousworld。IaskedifGeorgianawouldaccompanyher。
“Ofcoursenot。Georgianaandshehadnothingincommon:theyneverhadhad。Shewouldnotbeburdenedwithhersocietyforanyconsideration。Georgianashouldtakeherowncourse;andshe，Eliza，wouldtakehers。”
Georgiana，whennotunburdeningherhearttome，spentmostofhertimeinlyingonthesofa，frettingaboutthedulnessofthehouse，andwishingoverandoveragainthatherauntGibsonwouldsendheraninvitationuptotown。“Itwouldbesomuchbetter，”shesaid，“ifshecouldonlygetoutofthewayforamonthortwo，tillallwasover。”Ididnotaskwhatshemeantby“allbeingover，”butIsupposeshereferredtotheexpecteddeceaseofhermotherandthegloomysequeloffuneralrites。Elizagenerallytooknomorenoticeofhersister’sindolenceandcomplaintsthanifnosuchmurmuring，loungingobjecthadbeenbeforeher。Oneday，however，assheputawayheraccount—bookandunfoldedherembroidery，shesuddenlytookherupthus—
“Georgiana，amorevainandabsurdanimalthanyouwascertainlyneverallowedtocumbertheearth。Youhadnorighttobeborn，foryoumakenouseoflife。Insteadoflivingfor，in，andwithyourself，asareasonablebeingought，youseekonlytofastenyourfeeblenessonsomeotherperson’sstrength:ifnoonecanbefoundwillingtoburdenherorhimselfwithsuchafat，weak，puffy，uselessthing，youcryoutthatyouareill—treated，neglected，miserable。Then，too，existenceforyoumustbeasceneofcontinualchangeandexcitement，orelsetheworldisadungeon:youmustbeadmired，youmustbecourted，youmustbeflattered—youmusthavemusic，dancing，andsociety—oryoulanguish，youdieaway。Haveyounosensetodeviseasystemwhichwillmakeyouindependentofallefforts，andallwills，butyourown？Takeoneday;shareitintosections;toeachsectionapportionitstask:leavenostrayunemployedquartersofanhour，tenminutes，fiveminutes—includeall;doeachpieceofbusinessinitsturnwithmethod，withrigidregularity。Thedaywillclosealmostbeforeyouareawareithasbegun;andyouareindebtedtonooneforhelpingyoutogetridofonevacantmoment:youhavehadtoseeknoone’scompany，conversation，sympathy，forbearance;youhavelived，inshort，asanindependentbeingoughttodo。Takethisadvice:thefirstandlastIshallofferyou;thenyouwillnotwantmeoranyoneelse，happenwhatmay。Neglectit—goonasheretofore，craving，whining，andidling—andsuffertheresultsofyouridiocy，howeverbadandinsuperabletheymaybe。Itellyouthisplainly;andlisten:forthoughIshallnomorerepeatwhatIamnowabouttosay，Ishallsteadilyactonit。Aftermymother’sdeath，Iwashmyhandsofyou:fromthedayhercoffiniscarriedtothevaultinGatesheadChurch，youandIwillbeasseparateasifwehadneverknowneachother。Youneednotthinkthatbecausewechancedtobebornofthesameparents，Ishallsufferyoutofastenmedownbyeventhefeeblestclaim:Icantellyouthis—ifthewholehumanrace，ourselvesexcepted，weresweptaway，andwetwostoodaloneontheearth，Iwouldleaveyouintheoldworld，andbetakemyselftothenew。”
Sheclosedherlips。
“Youmighthavesparedyourselfthetroubleofdeliveringthattirade，”answeredGeorgiana。“Everybodyknowsyouarethemostselfish，heartlesscreatureinexistence:andIknowyourspitefulhatredtowardsme:IhavehadaspecimenofitbeforeinthetrickyouplayedmeaboutLordEdwinVere:youcouldnotbearmetoberaisedaboveyou，tohaveatitle，tobereceivedintocircleswhereyoudarenotshowyourface，andsoyouactedthespyandinformer，andruinedmyprospectsforever。”Georgianatookoutherhandkerchiefandblewhernoseforanhourafterwards;Elizasatcold，impassable，andassiduouslyindustrious。
True，generousfeelingismadesmallaccountofbysome，buthereweretwonaturesrendered，theoneintolerablyacrid，theotherdespicablysavourlessforthewantofit。Feelingwithoutjudgmentisawashydraughtindeed;butjudgmentuntemperedbyfeelingistoobitterandhuskyamorselforhumandeglutition。
Itwasawetandwindyafternoon:Georgianahadfallenasleeponthesofaovertheperusalofanovel;Elizawasgonetoattendasaint’s—dayserviceatthenewchurch—forinmattersofreligionshewasarigidformalist:noweathereverpreventedthepunctualdischargeofwhatsheconsideredherdevotionalduties;fairorfoul，shewenttochurchthriceeverySunday，andasoftenonweek—daysastherewereprayers。
Ibethoughtmyselftogoupstairsandseehowthedyingwomansped，wholaytherealmostunheeded:theveryservantspaidherbutaremittentattention:thehirednurse，beinglittlelookedafter，wouldslipoutoftheroomwhenevershecould。Bessiewasfaithful;butshehadherownfamilytomind，andcouldonlycomeoccasionallytothehall。Ifoundthesick—roomunwatched，asIhadexpected:nonursewasthere;thepatientlaystill，andseeminglylethargic;herlividfacesunkinthepillows:thefirewasdyinginthegrate。Irenewedthefuel，re—arrangedthebedclothes，gazedawhileonherwhocouldnotnowgazeonme，andthenImovedawaytothewindow。
Therainbeatstronglyagainstthepanes，thewindblewtempestuously:“Oneliesthere，”Ithought，“whowillsoonbebeyondthewarofearthlyelements。Whitherwillthatspirit—nowstrugglingtoquititsmaterialtenement—flitwhenatlengthreleased？”
Inponderingthegreatmystery，IthoughtofHelenBurns，recalledherdyingwords—herfaith—herdoctrineoftheequalityofdisembodiedsouls。Iwasstilllisteninginthoughttoherwell—rememberedtones—stillpicturingherpaleandspiritualaspect，herwastedfaceandsublimegaze，asshelayonherplaciddeathbed，andwhisperedherlongingtoberestoredtoherdivineFather’sbosom—whenafeeblevoicemurmuredfromthecouchbehind:“Whoisthat？”
IknewMrs。Reedhadnotspokenfordays:wasshereviving？Iwentuptoher。
“ItisI，AuntReed。”
“Who—I？”washeranswer。“Whoareyou？”lookingatmewithsurpriseandasortofalarm，butstillnotwildly。“Youarequiteastrangertome—whereisBessie？”
“Sheisatthelodge，aunt。”
“Aunt，”sherepeated。“Whocallsmeaunt？YouarenotoneoftheGibsons;andyetIknowyou—thatface，andtheeyesandforehead，arequietfamiliartome:youarelike—why，youarelikeJaneEyre！”
Isaidnothing:Iwasafraidofoccasioningsomeshockbydeclaringmyidentity。
“Yet，”saidshe，“Iamafraiditisamistake:mythoughtsdeceiveme。IwishedtoseeJaneEyre，andIfancyalikenesswherenoneexists:besides，ineightyearsshemustbesochanged。”InowgentlyassuredherthatIwasthepersonshesupposedanddesiredmetobe:andseeingthatIwasunderstood，andthathersenseswerequitecollected，IexplainedhowBessiehadsentherhusbandtofetchmefromThornfield。
“Iamveryill，Iknow，”shesaiderelong。“Iwastryingtoturnmyselfafewminutessince，andfindIcannotmovealimb。ItisaswellIshouldeasemymindbeforeIdie:whatwethinklittleofinhealth，burdensusatsuchanhourasthepresentistome。Isthenursehere？oristherenooneintheroombutyou？”
Iassuredherwewerealone。
“Well，IhavetwicedoneyouawrongwhichIregretnow。OnewasinbreakingthepromisewhichIgavemyhusbandtobringyouupasmyownchild;theother—”shestopped。“Afterall，itisofnogreatimportance，perhaps，”shemurmuredtoherself:“andthenImaygetbetter;andtohumblemyselfsotoherispainful。”
Shemadeanefforttoalterherposition，butfailed:herfacechanged;sheseemedtoexperiencesomeinwardsensation—theprecursor，perhaps，ofthelastpang。
“Well，Imustgetitover。Eternityisbeforeme:Ihadbettertellher。—Gotomydressing—case，openit，andtakeoutaletteryouwillseethere。”
Iobeyedherdirections。“Readtheletter，”shesaid。
Itwasshort，andthusconceived:—
“Madam，—Willyouhavethegoodnesstosendmetheaddressofmyniece，JaneEyre，andtotellmehowsheis？ItismyintentiontowriteshortlyanddesirehertocometomeatMadeira。Providencehasblessedmyendeavourstosecureacompetency;andasIamunmarriedandchildless，Iwishtoadoptherduringmylife，andbequeathheratmydeathwhateverImayhavetoleave。—Iam，Madam，etc。，etc。，
“JohnEyre，Madeira。”
Itwasdatedthreeyearsback。
“WhydidIneverhearofthis？”Iasked。
“BecauseIdislikedyoutoofixedlyandthoroughlyevertolendahandinliftingyoutoprosperity。Icouldnotforgetyourconducttome，Jane—thefurywithwhichyouonceturnedonme;thetoneinwhichyoudeclaredyouabhorredmetheworstofanybodyintheworld;theunchildlikelookandvoicewithwhichyouaffirmedthattheverythoughtofmemadeyousick，andassertedthatIhadtreatedyouwithmiserablecruelty。Icouldnotforgetmyownsensationswhenyouthusstartedupandpouredoutthevenomofyourmind:IfeltfearasifananimalthatIhadstruckorpushedhadlookedupatmewithhumaneyesandcursedmeinaman’svoice。—Bringmesomewater！Oh，makehaste！”
“DearMrs。Reed，”saidI，asIofferedherthedraughtsherequired，“thinknomoreofallthis，letitpassawayfromyourmind。Forgivemeformypassionatelanguage:Iwasachildthen;eight，nineyearshavepassedsincethatday。”
SheheedednothingofwhatIsaid;butwhenshehadtastedthewateranddrawnbreath，shewentonthus—
“ItellyouIcouldnotforgetit;andItookmyrevenge:foryoutobeadoptedbyyouruncle，andplacedinastateofeaseandcomfort，waswhatIcouldnotendure。Iwrotetohim;IsaidIwassorryforhisdisappointment，butJaneEyrewasdead:shehaddiedoftyphusfeveratLowood。Nowactasyouplease:writeandcontradictmyassertion—exposemyfalsehoodassoonasyoulike。Youwereborn，Ithink，tobemytorment:mylasthourisrackedbytherecollectionofadeedwhich，butforyou，Ishouldneverhavebeentemptedtocommit。”
“Ifyoucouldbutbepersuadedtothinknomoreofit，aunt，andtoregardmewithkindnessandforgiveness”
“Youhaveaverybaddisposition，”saidshe，“andonetothisdayIfeelitimpossibletounderstand:howfornineyearsyoucouldbepatientandquiescentunderanytreatment，andinthetenthbreakoutallfireandviolence，Icannevercomprehend。”
“Mydispositionisnotsobadasyouthink:Iampassionate，butnotvindictive。Manyatime，asalittlechild，Ishouldhavebeengladtoloveyouifyouwouldhaveletme;andIlongearnestlytobereconciledtoyounow:kissme，aunt。”
Iapproachedmycheektoherlips:shewouldnottouchit。ShesaidIoppressedherbyleaningoverthebed，andagaindemandedwater。AsIlaidherdown—forIraisedherandsupportedheronmyarmwhileshedrank—Icoveredherice—coldandclammyhandwithmine:thefeeblefingersshrankfrommytouch—theglazingeyesshunnedmygaze。
“Loveme，then，orhateme，asyouwill，”Isaidatlast，“youhavemyfullandfreeforgiveness:asknowforGod’s，andbeatpeace。”
Poor，sufferingwoman！itwastoolateforhertomakenowtheefforttochangeherhabitualframeofmind:living，shehadeverhatedme—dying，shemusthatemestill。
Thenursenowentered，andBessiefollowed。Iyetlingeredhalf—an—hourlonger，hopingtoseesomesignofamity:butshegavenone。Shewasfastrelapsingintostupor;nordidhermindagainrally:attwelveo’clockthatnightshedied。Iwasnotpresenttoclosehereyes，norwereeitherofherdaughters。Theycametotellusthenextmorningthatallwasover。Shewasbythattimelaidout。ElizaandIwenttolookather:Georgiana，whohadburstoutintoloudweeping，saidshedarednotgo。TherewasstretchedSarahReed’soncerobustandactiveframe，rigidandstill:hereyeofflintwascoveredwithitscoldlid;herbrowandstrongtraitsworeyettheimpressofherinexorablesoul。Astrangeandsolemnobjectwasthatcorpsetome。Igazedonitwithgloomandpain:nothingsoft，nothingsweet，nothingpitying，orhopeful，orsubduingdiditinspire;onlyagratinganguishforherwoes—notmyloss—andasombretearlessdismayatthefearfulnessofdeathinsuchaform。
Elizasurveyedherparentcalmly。Afterasilenceofsomeminutessheobserved—
“Withherconstitutionsheshouldhavelivedtoagoodoldage:herlifewasshortenedbytrouble。”Andthenaspasmconstrictedhermouthforaninstant:asitpassedawaysheturnedandlefttheroom，andsodidI。Neitherofushaddroptatear。
Chapter22
Mr。Rochesterhadgivenmebutoneweek’sleaveofabsence:yetamonthelapsedbeforeIquittedGateshead。Iwishedtoleaveimmediatelyafterthefuneral，butGeorgianaentreatedmetostaytillshecouldgetofftoLondon，whithershewasnowatlastinvitedbyheruncle，Mr。Gibson，whohadcomedowntodirecthissister’sintermentandsettlethefamilyaffairs。GeorgianasaidshedreadedbeingleftalonewithEliza;fromhershegotneithersympathyinherdejection，supportinherfears，noraidinherpreparations;soIborewithherfeeble—mindedwailingsandselfishlamentationsaswellasIcould，anddidmybestinsewingforherandpackingherdresses。Itistrue，thatwhileIworked，shewouldidle;andIthoughttomyself，“IfyouandIweredestinedtolivealwaystogether，cousin，wewouldcommencemattersonadifferentfooting。Ishouldnotsettletamelydownintobeingtheforbearingparty;Ishouldassignyouyourshareoflabour，andcompelyoutoaccomplishit，orelseitshouldbeleftundone:Ishouldinsist，also，onyourkeepingsomeofthosedrawling，half—insincerecomplaintshushedinyourownbreast。Itisonlybecauseourconnectionhappenstobeverytransitory，andcomesatapeculiarlymournfulseason，thatIconsentthustorenderitsopatientandcompliantonmypart。”
AtlastIsawGeorgianaoff;butnowitwasEliza’sturntorequestmetostayanotherweek。Herplansrequiredallhertimeandattention，shesaid;shewasabouttodepartforsomeunknownbourne;andalldaylongshestayedinherownroom，herdoorboltedwithin，fillingtrunks，emptyingdrawers，burningpapers，andholdingnocommunicationwithanyone。Shewishedmetolookafterthehouse，toseecallers，andanswernotesofcondolence。
OnemorningshetoldmeIwasatliberty。“And，”sheadded，“Iamobligedtoyouforyourvaluableservicesanddiscreetconduct！ThereissomedifferencebetweenlivingwithsuchanoneasyouandwithGeorgiana:youperformyourownpartinlifeandburdennoone。To—morrow，”shecontinued，“IsetoutfortheContinent。IshalltakeupmyabodeinareligioushousenearLisle—anunneryyouwouldcallit;thereIshallbequietandunmolested。IshalldevotemyselfforatimetotheexaminationoftheRomanCatholicdogmas，andtoacarefulstudyoftheworkingsoftheirsystem:ifIfindittobe，asIhalfsuspectitis，theonebestcalculatedtoensurethedoingofallthingsdecentlyandinorder，IshallembracethetenetsofRomeandprobablytaketheveil。”
Ineitherexpressedsurpriseatthisresolutionnorattemptedtodissuadeherfromit。“Thevocationwillfityoutoahair，”Ithought:“muchgoodmayitdoyou！”
Whenweparted，shesaid:“Good—bye，cousinJaneEyre;Iwishyouwell:youhavesomesense。”
Ithenreturned:“Youarenotwithoutsense，cousinEliza;butwhatyouhave，Isuppose，inanotheryearwillbewalledupaliveinaFrenchconvent。However，itisnotmybusiness，andsoitsuitsyou，Idon’tmuchcare。”
“Youareintheright，”saidshe;andwiththesewordsweeachwentourseparateway。AsIshallnothaveoccasiontorefereithertoherorhersisteragain，Imayaswellmentionhere，thatGeorgianamadeanadvantageousmatchwithawealthyworn—outmanoffashion，andthatElizaactuallytooktheveil，andisatthisdaysuperioroftheconventwhereshepassedtheperiodofhernovitiate，andwhichsheendowedwithherfortune。
Howpeoplefeelwhentheyarereturninghomefromanabsence，longorshort，Ididnotknow:Ihadneverexperiencedthesensation。IhadknownwhatitwastocomebacktoGatesheadwhenachildafteralongwalk，tobescoldedforlookingcoldorgloomy;andlater，whatitwastocomebackfromchurchtoLowood，tolongforaplenteousmealandagoodfire，andtobeunabletogeteither。Neitherofthesereturningswasverypleasantordesirable:nomagnetdrewmetoagivenpoint，increasinginitsstrengthofattractionthenearerIcame。ThereturntoThornfieldwasyettobetried。
Myjourneyseemedtedious—verytedious:fiftymilesoneday，anightspentataninn;fiftymilesthenextday。DuringthefirsttwelvehoursIthoughtofMrs。Reedinherlastmoments;Isawherdisfiguredanddiscolouredface，andheardherstrangelyalteredvoice。Imusedonthefuneralday，thecoffin，thehearse，theblacktrainoftenantsandservants—fewwasthenumberofrelatives—thegapingvault，thesilentchurch，thesolemnservice。ThenIthoughtofElizaandGeorgiana;Ibeheldonethecynosureofaball—room，theothertheinmateofaconventcell;andIdweltonandanalysedtheirseparatepeculiaritiesofpersonandcharacter。Theeveningarrivalatthegreattownof—scatteredthesethoughts;nightgavethemquiteanotherturn:laiddownonmytraveller’sbed，Ileftreminiscenceforanticipation。
IwasgoingbacktoThornfield:buthowlongwasItostaythere？Notlong;ofthatIwassure。IhadheardfromMrs。Fairfaxintheinterimofmyabsence:thepartyatthehallwasdispersed;Mr。RochesterhadleftforLondonthreeweeksago，buthewasthenexpectedtoreturninafortnight。Mrs。Fairfaxsurmisedthathewasgonetomakearrangementsforhiswedding，ashehadtalkedofpurchasinganewcarriage:shesaidtheideaofhismarryingMissIngramstillseemedstrangetoher;butfromwhateverybodysaid，andfromwhatshehadherselfseen，shecouldnolongerdoubtthattheeventwouldshortlytakeplace。“Youwouldbestrangelyincredulousifyoudiddoubtit，”wasmymentalcomment。“Idon’tdoubtit。”
Thequestionfollowed，“WherewasItogo？”IdreamtofMissIngramallthenight:inavividmorningdreamIsawherclosingthegatesofThornfieldagainstmeandpointingmeoutanotherroad;andMr。Rochesterlookedonwithhisarmsfolded—smilingsardonically，asitseemed，atbothherandme。
IhadnotnotifiedtoMrs。Fairfaxtheexactdayofmyreturn;forIdidnotwisheithercarorcarriagetomeetmeatMillcote。Iproposedtowalkthedistancequietlybymyself;andveryquietly，afterleavingmyboxintheostler’scare，didIslipawayfromtheGeorgeInn，aboutsixo’clockofaJuneevening，andtaketheoldroadtoThornfield:aroadwhichlaychieflythroughfields，andwasnowlittlefrequented。
Itwasnotabrightorsplendidsummerevening，thoughfairandsoft:thehaymakerswereatworkallalongtheroad;andthesky，thoughfarfromcloudless，wassuchaspromisedwellforthefuture:itsblue—wherebluewasvisible—wasmildandsettled，anditscloudstratahighandthin。Thewest，too，waswarm:nowaterygleamchilledit—itseemedasiftherewasafirelit，analtarburningbehinditsscreenofmarbledvapour，andoutofaperturesshoneagoldenredness。
Ifeltgladastheroadshortenedbeforeme:sogladthatIstoppedoncetoaskmyselfwhatthatjoymeant:andtoremindreasonthatitwasnottomyhomeIwasgoing，ortoapermanentresting—place，ortoaplacewherefondfriendslookedoutformeandwaitedmyarrival。“Mrs。Fairfaxwillsmileyouacalmwelcome，tobesure，”saidI;“andlittleAdèlewillclapherhandsandjumptoseeyou:butyouknowverywellyouarethinkingofanotherthanthey，andthatheisnotthinkingofyou。”
Butwhatissoheadstrongasyouth？Whatsoblindasinexperience？TheseaffirmedthatitwaspleasureenoughtohavetheprivilegeofagainlookingonMr。Rochester，whetherhelookedonmeornot;andtheyadded—“Hasten！hasten！bewithhimwhileyoumay:butafewmoredaysorweeks，atmost，andyouarepartedfromhimforever！”AndthenIstrangledanew—bornagony—adeformedthingwhichIcouldnotpersuademyselftoownandrear—andranon。
Theyaremakinghay，too，inThornfieldmeadows:orrather，thelabourersarejustquittingtheirwork，andreturninghomewiththeirrakesontheirshoulders，now，atthehourIarrive。Ihavebutafieldortwototraverse，andthenIshallcrosstheroadandreachthegates。Howfullthehedgesareofroses！ButIhavenotimetogatherany;Iwanttobeatthehouse。Ipassedatallbriar，shootingleafyandflowerybranchesacrossthepath;Iseethenarrowstilewithstonesteps;andIsee—Mr。Rochestersittingthere，abookandapencilinhishand;heiswriting。
Well，heisnotaghost;yeteverynerveIhaveisunstrung:foramomentIambeyondmyownmastery。Whatdoesitmean？IdidnotthinkIshouldtrembleinthiswaywhenIsawhim，orlosemyvoiceorthepowerofmotioninhispresence。IwillgobackassoonasIcanstir:Ineednotmakeanabsolutefoolofmyself。Iknowanotherwaytothehouse。ItdoesnotsignifyifIknewtwentyways;forhehasseenme。
“Hillo！”hecries;andheputsuphisbookandhispencil。“Thereyouare！Comeon，ifyouplease。”
IsupposeIdocomeon;thoughinwhatfashionIknownot;beingscarcelycognisantofmymovements，andsolicitousonlytoappearcalm;and，aboveall，tocontroltheworkingmusclesofmyface—whichIfeelrebelinsolentlyagainstmywill，andstruggletoexpresswhatIhadresolvedtoconceal。ButIhaveaveil—itisdown:Imaymakeshiftyettobehavewithdecentcomposure。
“AndthisisJaneEyre？AreyoucomingfromMillcote，andonfoot？Yes—justoneofyourtricks:nottosendforacarriage，andcomeclatteringoverstreetandroadlikeacommonmortal，buttostealintothevicinageofyourhomealongwithtwilight，justasifyouwereadreamorashade。Whatthedeucehaveyoudonewithyourselfthislastmonth？”
“Ihavebeenwithmyaunt，sir，whoisdead。”
“AtrueJanianreply！Goodangelsbemyguard！Shecomesfromtheotherworld—fromtheabodeofpeoplewhoaredead;andtellsmesowhenshemeetsmealonehereinthegloaming！IfIdared，I’dtouchyou，toseeifyouaresubstanceorshadow，youelf！—butI’dassoonoffertotakeholdofablueignisfatuuslightinamarsh。Truant！truant！”headded，whenhehadpausedaninstant。“Absentfrommeawholemonth，andforgettingmequite，I’llbesworn！”
Iknewtherewouldbepleasureinmeetingmymasteragain，eventhoughbrokenbythefearthathewassosoontoceasetobemymaster，andbytheknowledgethatIwasnothingtohim:buttherewaseverinMr。Rochester（soatleastIthought）suchawealthofthepowerofcommunicatinghappiness，thattotastebutofthecrumbshescatteredtostrayandstrangerbirdslikeme，wastofeastgenially。Hislastwordswerebalm:theyseemedtoimplythatitimportedsomethingtohimwhetherIforgothimornot。AndhehadspokenofThornfieldasmyhome—wouldthatitweremyhome！
Hedidnotleavethestile，andIhardlylikedtoasktogoby。IinquiredsoonifhehadnotbeentoLondon。
“Yes;Isupposeyoufoundthatoutbysecond—sight。”
“Mrs。Fairfaxtoldmeinaletter。”
“AnddidsheinformyouwhatIwenttodo？”
“Oh，yes，sir！Everybodyknewyourerrand。”
“Youmustseethecarriage，Jane，andtellmeifyoudon’tthinkitwillsuitMrs。Rochesterexactly;andwhethershewon’tlooklikeQueenBoadicea，leaningbackagainstthosepurplecushions。Iwish，Jane，Iwereatriflebetteradaptedtomatchwithherexternally。Tellmenow，fairyasyouare—can’tyougivemeacharm，oraphilter，orsomethingofthatsort，tomakemeahandsomeman？”
“Itwouldbepastthepowerofmagic，sir;”and，inthought，Iadded，“Alovingeyeisallthecharmneeded:tosuchyouarehandsomeenough;orratheryoursternnesshasapowerbeyondbeauty。”
Mr。Rochesterhadsometimesreadmyunspokenthoughtswithanacumentomeincomprehensible:inthepresentinstancehetooknonoticeofmyabruptvocalresponse;buthesmiledatmewithacertainsmilehehadofhisown，andwhichheusedbutonrareoccasions。Heseemedtothinkittoogoodforcommonpurposes:itwastherealsunshineoffeeling—hesheditovermenow。
“Pass，Janet，”saidhe，makingroomformetocrossthestile:“gouphome，andstayyourwearylittlewanderingfeetatafriend’sthreshold。”
AllIhadnowtodowastoobeyhiminsilence:noneedformetocolloquisefurther。Igotoverthestilewithoutaword，andmeanttoleavehimcalmly。Animpulseheldmefast—aforceturnedmeround。Isaid—orsomethinginmesaidforme，andinspiteofme—
“Thankyou，Mr。Rochester，foryourgreatkindness。Iamstrangelygladtogetbackagaintoyou:andwhereveryouareismyhome—myonlyhome。”
Iwalkedonsofastthatevenhecouldhardlyhaveovertakenmehadhetried。LittleAdèlewashalfwildwithdelightwhenshesawme。Mrs。Fairfaxreceivedmewithherusualplainfriendliness。Leahsmiled，andevenSophiebidme“bonsoir”withglee。Thiswasverypleasant;thereisnohappinesslikethatofbeinglovedbyyourfellow—creatures，andfeelingthatyourpresenceisanadditiontotheircomfort。
Ithateveningshutmyeyesresolutelyagainstthefuture:Istoppedmycarsagainstthevoicethatkeptwarningmeofnearseparationandcominggrief。WhenteawasoverandMrs。Fairfaxhadtakenherknitting，andIhadassumedalowseatnearher，andAdèle，kneelingonthecarpet，hadnestledcloseuptome，andasenseofmutualaffectionseemedtosurrounduswitharingofgoldenpeace，Iutteredasilentprayerthatwemightnotbepartedfarorsoon;butwhen，aswethussat，Mr。Rochesterentered，unannounced，andlookingatus，seemedtotakepleasureinthespectacleofagroupsoamicable—whenhesaidhesupposedtheoldladywasallrightnowthatshehadgotheradopteddaughterbackagain，andaddedthathesawAdèlewas“preteecroquersapetitemamanAnglaise”—Ihalfventuredtohopethathewould，evenafterhismarriage，keepustogethersomewhereundertheshelterofhisprotection，andnotquiteexiledfromthesunshineofhispresence。
AfortnightofdubiouscalmsucceededmyreturntoThornfieldHall。Nothingwassaidofthemaster’smarriage，andIsawnopreparationgoingonforsuchanevent。AlmosteverydayIaskedMrs。Fairfaxifshehadyetheardanythingdecided:heranswerwasalwaysinthenegative。OnceshesaidshehadactuallyputthequestiontoMr。Rochesterastowhenhewasgoingtobringhisbridehome;buthehadansweredheronlybyajokeandoneofhisqueerlooks，andshecouldnottellwhattomakeofhim。
Onethingspeciallysurprisedme，andthatwas，therewerenojourneyingsbackwardandforward，novisitstoIngramPark:tobesureitwastwentymilesoff，onthebordersofanothercounty;butwhatwasthatdistancetoanardentlover？TosopractisedandindefatigableahorsemanasMr。Rochester，itwouldbebutamorning’sride。IbegantocherishhopesIhadnorighttoconceive:thatthematchwasbrokenoff;thatrumourhadbeenmistaken;thatoneorbothpartieshadchangedtheirminds。Iusedtolookatmymaster’sfacetoseeifitweresadorfierce;butIcouldnotrememberthetimewhenithadbeensouniformlyclearofcloudsorevilfeelings。If，inthemomentsIandmypupilspentwithhim，Ilackedspiritsandsankintoinevitabledejection，hebecameevengay。Neverhadhecalledmemorefrequentlytohispresence;neverbeenkindertomewhenthere—and，alas！neverhadIlovedhimsowell。