\"Well,Ishouldn\'tbequitesofamiliarwithpeople,quitesoreadytomakeacquaintances,Maude.Youhavenoideawhotheymaybe.Someofthem,ofcourse,liketheSardells,Iknowbyreputation.\"
TheSardellsweretheNewYorkerswhosatnextus.
\"I\'lltry,Hugh,tobemorereserved,morelikethewifeofanimportantman.\"Shesmiled.
\"Itisn\'tthatyou\'renotreserved,\"Ireplied,ignoringthelatterhalfofherremark.\"NorthatIwantyoutochange,\"Isaid.\"IonlywanttoteachyouwhatlittleoftheworldIknowmyself.\"
\"AndIwanttolearn,Hugh.Youdon\'tknowhowIwanttolearn!\"
Thesightofmist-riddenLiverpoolisnotacheeringonefortheAmericanwhofirstputsfootonthemothercountry\'ssoil,aLiverpoolofyellow-
brownsanddingyblacks,oftiltedfunnelspouringoutsmokeintoanatmospherealreadychargedwithit.Thelongwharvesandshedroofsglistenedwithmoisture.
\"Justthink,Hugh,it\'sactuallyEngland!\"shecried,aswestoodonthewetdeck.ButIfeltasthoughI\'dbeentherebefore.
\"Nowonderthey\'readdictedtocoldbaths,\"Ireplied.\"Theymustfeelperfectlyathomeinthem,especiallyiftheyputalittlelampblackinthewater.\"
Maudelaughed.
\"Yougrumpyoldthing!\"sheexclaimed.
Nothingcoulddampenherardour,notthesightoftherain-soakedstonehouseswhenwegotashore,noreventhefrigidluncheonweateinthelugubrioushotel.Forheritwasallquaintandnew.Finallywefoundourselvesestablishedinacompartmentupholsteredinlightgrey,withtasselsandarm-supporters,onthewindowofwhichwaspastedaposterwiththewordreservedinlarge,redletters.Theguardinquiredrespectfully,astheporterputournewluggageintheracks,whetherwehadeverythingwewanted.Thetoylocomotiveblewitstoywhistle,andwewereoffforthenorth;pastdingy,yellowtenementsofthesmokingfactorytowns,andstretchesoforderly,hedge-spacedrain-sweptcountry.
Thequaintcottagesweglimpsed,thesightofdistant,statelymansionsongreenslopescausedMaudetocryoutwithrapture:——
\"Oh,Hugh,there\'samanor-house!\"
Morevividthanweretheexperiencesthemselvesofthatjourneyarethememoriesofthem.Wewenttowindswept,Sabbath-keepingEdinburgh,tohighStirlinganddarkHolyrood,andtoAbbotsford.ItwasthroughSirWalter\'seyeswebeheldMelrosebathedinautumnlight,byhisaidrepeopleditwithforgottenmonkseatingtheirfast-daykale.
Andaswesatreadinganddreaminginthestill,sunnycornersIforgot,thatstruggleforpowerinwhichIhadbeensofuriouslyengagedsinceleavingCambridge.Legislatures,politiciansandcapitalistsrecededintoadimbackground;andthegiftIhadpossessed,inyouth,oflivinginarealmoffancyshowedastonishingsignsofrevival.
\"Why,Hugh,\"Maudeexclaimed,\"yououghttohavebeenawriter!\"
\"You\'veonlyjustbeguntofathommytalents,\"Irepliedlaughingly.
\"Didyouthinkyou\'dmarriedjustadryoldlawyer?\"
\"Ibelieveyoucapableofanything,\"shesaid
Igrewmoreandmoretodependonherforlittlethings.
Shewasabornhousewife.Itwaspleasanttohaveherdoallthepacking,whileIreadorsaunteredinthequeerstreetsabouttheinns.
Andshetookcompletechargeofmywardrobe.
Shehadatalentfordrawing,andaswewentsouthwardthroughEnglandshemadesketchesofthevarioushousesthattookourfancy——suggestionsforfuturehome-building;wespenthoursintheeveningsintheinnsitting-roomsincorporatingnewfeaturesintoourresidence,continuallymodifyingourplans.NowitwasaTudorhousethatcarriedusaway,nowaJacobean,andagainanearlyGeorgianwithenfoldingwingsandawrought-irongrill.Astageofbewildermentsucceeded.
Maude,Iknew,lovedthecottagesbest.Shesaidtheyweremore\"homelike.\"Butsheyieldedtomylikingforgrandeur.
\"My,Ishouldfeellostinapalacelikethat!\"shecried,aswegazedattheMarquisofSo-and-So\'scountry-seat.
\"Well,ofcourseweshouldhavetomodifyit,\"Iadmitted.\"Perhaps——
perhapsourfamilywillbelarger.\"
Sheputherhandonmylips,andblushedafieryred
Weexamined,withothertourists,atashillingapiecehistoricmansionswithendlessdrawing-rooms,halls,libraries,galleriesfilledwithfamilyportraits;elaborate,formalbedroomswherefamoussovereignshadslept,allropedoffandcarpetedwithcanvasstripstoprotectthefloors.Throughmullionedwindowswecaughtglimpsesofgardensandgeometricalparterres,lakes,fountains,statuary,fantastictopiaryanddistantstretchesofpark.Maudesighedwithadmiration,butdidnotcovet.Shehadme.ButIwasoftenuncomfortable,resentingthevulgar,gapingtouristswithwhomwewereherdedandtheeasyfamiliarityoftheguides.ThesedidnottroubleMaude,whooftenannoyedmebyaskingnaivequestionsherself.Iwouldnudgeher.
Oneafternoonwhen,withothercompatriots,wewerebeinghurriedthroughafamouscastle,theguideunwittinglyusheredusintoadrawing-roomwheretheownerandseveralguestswereseatedaboutatea-table.I
shallneverforgetthestarestheygaveusbeforewehadtimeprecipitatelytoretreat,northefeelingofdisgustandrebellionthatcameoverme.Thiswasheightenedbytheremarkofaheavy,six-footOhioanwithaninfantilefaceandagenialmanner.
\"Inoticethattheydidn\'tinviteustositdownandhaveabite,\"hesaid.\"Icallthatkindofinhospitable.\"
\"Itwas\'islordshiphimself!\"exclaimedtheguide,scandalized.
\"Youdon\'tsay!\"drawledourfellow-countryman.\"IguessIoweyouanothershilling,myfriend.\"
Theguide,utterlybewildered,acceptedit.Thetransatlanticpointofviewtowardsthenobilitywasbeyondhim.
\"Hislordshipcouldmakeanicelittleincomeifhesetupasasideshow,\"addedtheOhioan.
Maudegiggled,butIwasfurious.AndnosoonerwereweoutsidethegatesthanIdeclaredIshouldneveragainenteraprivateresidencebythebackdoor.
\"Why,Hugh,howqueeryouaresometimes,\"shesaid.
\"Imaybequeer,butIhaveasenseoffitness,\"Iretorted.
Sheassertedherself.
\"Ican\'tseewhatdifferenceitmakes.Theydidn\'tknowus.Andiftheyadmitpeopleformoney——\"
\"Ican\'thelpit.AndasforthemanfromOhio——\"
\"Buthewassofunny!\"sheinterrupted.\"Andhewasreallyverynice.\"
Iwassilent.Herpointofview,eminentlysensibleasitwas,exasperatedme.Wewereleaningovertheparapetofalittle-stonebridge.Herfacewasturnedawayfromme,butpresentlyIrealizedthatshewascrying.Menandwomen,villagers,passingacrossthebridge,lookedatuscuriously.Iwasmiserable,andsomewhatappalled;
resentful,yetstrivingtobegentleandconciliatory.Iassuredherthatshewastalkingnonsense,thatIlovedher.ButIdidnotreallyloveheratthatmoment;nordidsherelentaseasilyasusual.Itwasnotuntilweweretogetherinoursitting-room,afewhourslater,thatshegavein.Ifeltatremendoussenseofrelief.
\"Hugh,I\'lltrytobewhatyouwant.YouknowIamtrying.Butdon\'tkillwhatisnaturalinme.\"
Iwastouchedbytheappeal,andrepentant
Itisimpossibletosaywhenthelittleworries,annoyancesanddisagreementsbegan,whenIfirstfeltarestlessnesscreepingoverme.
Itriedtohidethesemoodsfromher,butalwaysshedivinedthem.AndyetIwassurethatIlovedMaude;inasurprisinglyshortperiodIhadbecomeaccustomedtoher,dependentonherministrationsandthenormal,cosyintimacyofourcompanionship.Ididnotliketothinkthatthekeenedgeoftheenjoymentofpossessionwaswearingalittle,whileatthesametimeIphilosophizedthatthedivinefire,whenlegalized,settlesdowntoacomfortableglow.ThedesiretogohomethatgrewuponmeIattributedtotheirritationarousedbythespectacleofafixedsocialordercommandingsuchunquestioneddeferencefromthemanywhowerecontenttoremainresignedlyoutsideofit.BeforethesettinginoftheLiberalmovementandthe\"Americaninvasion\"Englandwasacountryinwhichfrommypointofviewonemustbe\"somebody\"inordertobehappy.Iwas\"somebody\"athome;oratleastrapidlybecomingso
Londonwasshrouded,parliamenthadrisen,andthegreathouseswereclosed.DayafterdayweissuedforthfromamustyandhighlyrespectablehotelnearPiccadillytoagloomyTower,asoggyHamptonCourtoramournfulBritishMuseum.Ournativelongingforluxury——orrathermynativelonging——impelledmetoabandonSmith\'sHotelforahugehostelrywhereoursuiteoverlookedtheThames,whereweranacrossamanIhadknownslightlyatHarvard,andotherAmericanswithwhomwemadeexcursionsanddinedandwenttothetheatre.Maudelikedthesepersons;
Ididnotfindthemespeciallycongenial.Mylife-longhabitofunwillingnesstoacceptwhatlifesentinitsordinarycoursewasassertingitself;butMaudetookherfriendsasshefoundthem,andIwassecretlyannoyedbyherlackofdiscrimination.Inadditiontothis,thesenseofhavingbeenpulledupbytherootsgrewuponme.
\"Suppose,\"Maudesurprisedmebysuggestingonemorningaswesatatbreakfastwatchingtherivercraftflitlikephantomsthroughtheyellow-
greenfog——\"supposewedon\'tgotoFrance,afterall,Hugh?\"
\"NotgotoFrance!\"Iexclaimed.\"Areyoutiredofthetrip?\"
\"Oh,Hugh!\"Hervoicecaught.\"Icouldgoon,always,ifyouwerecontent.\"
\"And——whatmakesyouthinkthatI\'mnotcontent?\"
Hersmilehadinitjustatouchofwistfulness.
\"Iunderstandyou,Hugh,betterthanyouthink.Youwanttogetbacktoyourwork,and——andIshouldbehappier.I\'mnotsosillyandsoignorantastothinkthatIcansatisfyyoualways.AndI\'dliketogetsettledathome,——Ireallyshould.\"
Theresurgedupwithinmeafeelingofrelief.Iseizedherhandasitlayonthetable.
\"We\'llcomeabroadanothertime,andgotoFrance,\"Isaid.\"Maude,you\'resplendid!\"
Sheshookherhead.
\"Oh,no,I\'mnot.\"
\"Youdosatisfyme,\"Iinsisted.\"Itisn\'tthatatall.ButIthink,perhaps,itwouldbewisertogoback.It\'sratheracrucialtimewithme,nowthatMr.Watling\'sinWashington.I\'vejustarrivedatapositionwhereIshallbeabletomakeagooddealofmoney,andlateron——\"
\"Itisn\'tthemoney,Hugh,\"shecried,withavehemencewhichstruckmeasalittleodd.\"Isometimesthinkwe\'dbeagreatdealhappierwithout——withoutallyouaregoingtomake.\"
Ilaughed.
\"Well,Ihaven\'tmadeityet.\"
ShepossessedthefrugalityoftheHutchinses.Andsometimesmylavishnesshadfrightenedher,aswhenwehadtakenthesuiteofroomswenowoccupied.
\"Areyousureyoucanaffordthem,Hugh?\"shehadaskedwhenwefirstsurveyedthem.
Ibeganmarriedlife,andcarrieditonwithoutgivingheranyconceptionofthestateofmyfinances.Shehadanallowancefromthefirst.
Asthesteamerslippedwestwardmyspiritsrose,toreachaclimaxofexhilarationwhenIsawthetowersofNewYorkrisegleaminglikehugestalagmitesintheearlywintersun.Maudelikenedthemmorehappily——togiganticivorychessmen.Well,NewYorkwasAmerica\'schessboard,andtheGreatPlayershadalreadybeguntomakemovesthatastonishedtheworld.AswesatatbreakfastinaFifthAvenuehotelIranmyeyeeagerlyoverthestock-marketreportsandthefinancialnews,andralliedMaudeforalackofspirits.
\"Aren\'tyougladtobehome?\"Iaskedher,aswesatinahansom.
\"OfcourseIam,Hugh!\"sheprotested.\"But——Ican\'tlookuponNewYorkashome,somehow.Itfrightensme.\"
Ilaughedindulgently.
\"You\'llgetusedtoit,\"Isaid.\"We\'llbecominghereagreatdeal,offandon.\"
Shewassilent.Butlater,whenwetookahansomandenteredthestreamsoftraffic,sherespondedtothestimulusoftheplace:themovement,thecolour,thesightofthewell-appointedcarriages,ofthewell-fed,well-
groomedpeoplewhosatinthem,theenticementoftheshopsinwhichwemadeourpurchaseshadtheireffect,andshebecamecheerfulagain
Intheeveningwetookthe\"Limited\"forhome.
Welivedforamonthwithmymother,andthenmovedintoourownhouse.
ItwasonewhichIhadrentedfromHowardOgilvy,anditstoodonthecornerofBakerandClintonstreets,nearthatfashionableneighbourhoodcalled\"theHeights.\"Ogilvy,whowassometenyearsolderthanI,andwhobelongedtooneofouroldfamilies,hadembarkedonacareerthenbecomingcommon,butwhichatfirstwasregardedassomewhatmeteoric:
graduallyabandoningthepracticeoflaw,andperceivingthepossibilitiesofthecityofhisbirth,hehad\"gambled\"inrealestateandotherenterprises,suchasourlocalwatercompany,untilhehadquadrupledhisinheritance.HehadbuiltamansiononGrantAvenue,thewidethoroughfarebisectingtheHeights.Thehousehehadvacatedwasnotlarge,butessentiallydistinctive;withtheodditycharacteristicoftherevoltagainstthebanalarchitectureofthe80\'s.Thecurvesofthetiledroofenfoldedtheupperwindows;thewallswerethick,thenoteoneofmystery.IrememberMaude\'snaivedelightwhenweinspectedit.
\"You\'dneverguesswhattheinsidewaslike,wouldyou,Hugh?\"shecried.
Fromthepanelledboxofanentrancehallonewentupafewstepstoadrawing-roomwhichhadabowedrecesslikeanoriel,andwindow-seats.
Thedining-roomwasanoddshape,andwaswainscotedinoak;ithadatiledfireplaceandaccordingtoMaudethe\"sweetest\"chinaclosetbuiltintothewall.Therewasa\"den\"forme,andanoctagonalreception-roomonthecorner.Upstairs,thebedroomswerequiteasunusual,theplumbingofthenewpattern,heavyandimposing.Maudeexpressedtheairofseclusionwhensheexclaimedthatshecouldalmostimagineherselfinoneofthemediaevaltownswehadseenabroad.
\"It\'sadream,Hugh,\"shesighed.\"But——doyouthinkwecanaffordit?\"
\"Thishouse,\"Iannounced,smiling,\"isonlyastepping-stonetothepalaceIintendtobuildyousomeday.\"
\"Idon\'twantapalace!\"shecried.\"I\'dratherlivehere,likethis,always.\"
Acertainvehemenceinhermannertroubledme.Iwascharmedbythisdispositionfordomesticity,andyetIshrankfromthecontemplationofitspermanency.Ifeltvaguely,atthetime,thepossibilityofafutureconflictoftemperaments.Maudewasdocile,now.Butwouldsheremaindocile?andwasitinhernaturetotakeultimatelythepositionthatwasdesirableformywife?Well,shemustbemoulded,beforeitweretoolate.Herultra-domestictendenciesmustbehalted.Asyetblissfullyunawareoftheinabilityofthemasculinemindtofathomthesubtletiesoffemininerelationships,IwasparticularlydesirousthatMaudeandNancyDurrettshouldbeintimates.Theverydayafterourarrival,andwhilewewerestillatmymother\'s,NancycalledonMaude,andtookheroutforadrive.MaudetoldmeofitwhenIcamehomefromtheoffice.
\"DearoldNancy!\"Isaid.\"Iknowyoulikedher.\"
\"Ofcourse,Hugh.Ishouldlikeherforyoursake,anyway.She\'s——she\'soneofyouroldestandbestfriends.\"
\"ButIwantyoutolikeherforherownsake.\"
\"IthinkIshall,\"saidMaude.Shewassoscrupulouslytruthful!
\"Iwasalittleafraidofher,atfirst.\"
\"AfraidofNancy!\"Iexclaimed.
\"Well,youknow,she\'smucholderthanI.Ithinksheissweet.Butsheknowssomuchabouttheworld——somuchthatshedoesn\'tsay.Ican\'tdescribeit.\"
Ismiled.
\"It\'sonlyhermanner.You\'llgetusedtothat,whenyouknowwhatshereallyis.\"
\"Oh,Ihopeso,\"answeredMaude.\"I\'mveryanxioustolikeher——Idolikeher.Butittakesmesuchalotoftimetogettoknowpeople.\"
Nancyaskedustodinner.
\"IwanttohelpMaudeallIcan,——ifshe\'llletme,\"Nancysaid.
\"Whyshouldn\'tsheletyou?\"Iasked.
\"Shemaynotlikeme,\"Nancyreplied.
\"Nonsense!\"Iexclaimed.
Nancysmiled.
\"Itwon\'tbemyfault,atanyrate,ifshedoesn\'t,\"shesaid.\"Iwantedhertomeetatfirstjusttherightpeopleyouroldfriendsandafewothers.Itishardforawoman——especiallyayoungwoman——comingamongstrangers.\"SheglanceddownthetabletowhereMaudesattalkingtoHam.\"Shehasanairabouther,——agreatdealofself-possession.\"
I,too,hadnoticedthis,withprideandrelief.ForIknewMaudehadbeennervous.
\"Youareluckierthanyoudeservetobe,\"Nancyremindedme.\"ButIhopeyourealizethatshehasamindofherown,thatshewillformherownopinionsofpeople,independentlyofyou.\"
ImusthavebetrayedthefactthatIwasalittlestartled,fortheremarkcameasaconfirmationofwhatIhaddimlyfelt.
\"Ofcourseshehas,\"Iagreed,somewhatlamely.\"Everywomanhas,whoisworthhersalt.\"
Nancy\'ssmilebespokeaknowledgethatseemedtotranscendmyown.
\"Youdolikeher?\"Idemanded.
\"Ilikeherverymuchindeed,\"saidNancy,alittlegravely.\"She\'ssimple,she\'sreal,shehasthatwhichsofewofuspossessnowadays——
character.But——I\'vegottobepreparedforthepossibilitythatshemaynotgetalongwithme.\"
\"Whynot?\"Idemanded.
\"Thereyouareagain,withyouroldunwillingnesstoanalyzeasituationandfaceit.Forheaven\'ssake,nowthatyouhavemarriedher,studyher.Don\'ttakeherforgranted.Can\'tyouseethatshedoesn\'tcareforthethingsthatamuseme,thatmakemylife?\"
\"Ofcourse,ifyouinsistonmakingyourselfoutahardened,sophisticatedwoman——\"Iprotested.Butsheshookherhead.
\"Herrootsaredeeper,——sheisintouch,thoughshemaynotrealizeit,withthefundamentals.Sheisoneofthosewomenwhoarerace-makers.\"
Thoughsomewhatperturbed,Iwasstruckbythephrase.AndIlostsightofNancy\'sgenerosity.Shelookedmefullintheface.
\"Iwonderwhetheryoucanrisetoher,\"shesaid.\"IfIwereyou,I
shouldtry.Youwillbehappier——farhappierthanifyouattempttouseherforyourownends,asacontributortoyourcomfortandanauxiliarytoyourcareer.Iwasafraid——Iconfessit——thatyouhadmarriedanaspiring,simperingandempty-headedprovinciallikethatMrs.GeorgeHutchins\'whomImetonce,andwhowouldsellhersoultobeatmytable.