\"Well,thankGod,braveIdaMayhewputanhonorablepurposeinmyheartbeforeIdied,andImeanttohavecarrieditout.There\'snouseofpraying,foritseemsasifIwerenomorethanoneofthesemillionsofleavesovermyheadwhenitfallsfromitsplace.
NatureispitilessandGodisascoldtowardsmeasIwasoncetoonewhoturnedherappealingeyestomeforalittlekindnessandsympathy.OGod!ifImustdie,letitbesoon,formypainandthirstarebecomingintolerable.\"
Thedawnwasnowbrighteningtheeast.Natureasiftiredofwaiting——likesomeprofessedfriends——foronewhowaslongindying,ceaseditsbreathlesshush.Afreshbreezerustledthemotionlessleaves,birdswithdrewtheirheadsfromundertheirwings,andbeganthetwitteringpreliminarytotheirmorningsongs;andtwosquirrels,springingfromtheirnestinahollowtree,likechildrenfromacottagedoor,scrambleddownandoverVanBerg\'sprostrateformintheirwildsport,buthewastooweak,toofargoneindull,heavyapathytoheedthem.
Atlasthethoughthewasdying,andhebecameunconscious.
Helearnedthatitwasonlyaswoonfromthefactthatherevivedagain,andwasdimlyconsciousofsoundsnearhim.Itseemedtohimthathewashalfasleep,andthathecouldnotwakeupsufficientlytodistinguishwhetherthesoundswereheardinadreamorinreality.
Buthesoonbecamesurethatsomeonewascryingandmoaningnotfaraway,andhenaturallyassociatedsuchevidencesofdistresswithwhathehadseenlastinMr.Eltinge\'sgarden.Hethereforecalledfeebly:
\"Ida——IdaMayhew.\"
\"MercifulGod!\"exclaimedavoice,\"whoisthat?\"
Hisheartbeatsofasthecouldnotansweratonce,butheheardalight,swiftstep;theshrubberyandlowbranchesofthetreesweresweptaside,andJennieBurton\'sblueeyes,fulloftearsbutdilatedwithwonderandfear,lookeduponhim.
\"O,JennieBurton,goodangelofGod!hehassentyoutome,\"criedtherescuedman,whowithagladthrillofjoyfeltthatlifewascomingbackinthelineofhonorandduty.
\"HaroldVanBerg!whatareyoudoinghere?\"sheaskedinwildamazement.
\"Iwasdyingtillyoucameandbroughtmehopeandlife,asyouhavetosomanyothers.\"
\"ThankGod,thankGod,\"shepanted,andsherushedattherockthathadheldhiminsuchterribledurance.
Hestruggledupandtriedtopullherhandsaway.
\"Don\'tdothat,Jennie,\"hesaid,\"youarenotquiteanangelyet,andcannot\'rollthestoneaway.\'\"
\"OGod!\"sheexclaimed,withasharpcryofagony,\"insomesuchwayandplaceHEmayhavedied,\"andshesanktotheground,moaningandwringingherhandsasifoverwhelmedwithagonyatthethought.
VanBergreachedoutandtookherhand,forgettingforamomenthisowndesperateneed,ashesaid:\"DearJennie,don\'tgrievesoterribly.\"
\"Godforgiveme,thatIcouldforgetyou!\"shesaid,startingup.
\"Imustnotloseasecondinbringingyouhelp.\"
Butheclungfeeblytoherhand.\"Wait,Jennie,tillyouaremorecalm.Mylifedependsonyounow.Thehotelisalongwayoff,andifyoustartinyourpresentmoodyouwillneverreachityourself,andIhadbetterdieathousandtimesthancauseharmtoyou.\"
Sheputherhandonhersideandherconvulsivesobbingsoonceased.
Afteramomentortwoshesaidquietly:\"Youcantrustmenow,Mr.VanBerg;Iwon\'tfailyou.\"
\"Doyouthinkyoucouldbringmealittlewaterbeforeyougo?\"heasked.
\"Yes,there\'saspringnear;Iknowthisplacewell,\"anditseemedtohimthatsheflittedbackandforthlikearayoflight,bringingallthewatershecouldcarryinalargeleaf.
\"Oh,\"hesaid,withalongdeepbreath,\"dideverasweeterdraughtpassmortallips,andfromyourhands,too,JennieBurton.MayI
dieasIwouldhavediedhereifIdonotdevotemylifetomakingyouhappy!\"
\"Iacceptthatpledge,\"shesaid,withawansmilethatonherpale,tear-stainedfacewasinexpressiblytouching.\"Itmakesmeboldenoughtoaskonemorepromise.\"
\"It\'smadealready,sohelpmeGod!\"herepliedfervently.
Afaint,far-awaygleamofsomethinglikemirthcameintoherdeepblueeyesasshesaid,\"I\'veboundyounow,andyoucanhavenochoice.Yourpledgeisthis——thatyouwillmakemehappyinmyownway.Now,notanotherword,notanothermotion;keepeveryparticleoflifeandstrengthtillIcomeagainwithassistance,\"
andshebroughthimwatertwiceagain,silencinghimbyanimperiousgesturewhenheattemptedtospeak,andthenshedisappeared.
\"Thatwasanoddpledgethatshebeguiledmeinto,\"hemurmured.
\"Ifearthatinthewilesofherunselfishheartshehascaughtmeinsomekindofatrap.\"Butafteralittletimeherelapsedagainintoaconditionofpartialunconsciousness.
ChapterLIV.Lifeandtrust.
IdadidnotleavetherefugeofherroomforseveralhoursafterherreturnfromthememorablevisittoMr.Eltinge\'sgarden,——forfarmorethanthelonghotdrive,herheroic,spiritualconflictwithtemptation,thesenseofimmeasurableloss,andtheoverwhelmingsorrowthatfollowed,hadexhaustedher.Assheralliedfromherdeepdepression,whichwasphysicalaswellasmental,andfoundthatshecouldthinkconnectedly,sheturnedtoherBibleinthehopeofdiscoveringsomecomfortingandreassuringtruthsspokenbythatFriendforwhosesakeshehadgivenupsomuch.
Thesewordscaughtherattention,andinaccordancewiththesimplicityanddirectnessofhernatureshebuiltuponthemheronlyhopeforthefuture:\"HETHATLOSETHHISLIFEFORMYSAKE
SHALLFINDIT!\"
Shesighed:\"Ihavelostthatwhichislifeandmorethanlifetome,anditwasforChrist\'ssake.Itwasbecauseheforgavemeandwaskindinthatawfulmomentwhenmycrimewascrushingmysoul.Icouldnothavegivenupmychanceofhappinessjustbecauseitwasright,butthethoughtthatheaskeditandthatitwasforhissake,turnedthewaveringscale;andnowIwilltrusthimtofindmylifeformeagaininhisowntimeandway.Asfarasthisworldisconcerned,mylifeprobablywillbeanincreasingcareoffatherandothers,who,likemyself,have,orhavehad\'awormi\'
thebud.\'Butbethefuturewhatitmay,I\'vemademychoiceandIshallabidebyit.\"
Thensheturnedtothexiv.chapterofSt.John,thatwindowofheaventhroughwhichtheloveofGodhasshoneintosomanysadhearts;andbythetimeshehadreadthewords——\"PeaceIleavewithyou,mypeaceIgiveuntoyou:notastheworldgiveth,giveIuntoyou.Letnotyourheartbetroubled,neitherletitbeafraid\"——shefoundthatthepeacepromised——deep,quiet,sustaining——wasstealingintoherheartasthedawnturnsnightintoday.Simple-mindedIdaMayhewbelievedthatJesusChristhadkepthisword,forthatwasallfaithmeanttoher.Therationalistpracticallymaintainsthatsucheffectsarewithoutcauses,andthematerialistexplainsthattheyarephysicalconditionstobeaccountedfor,bythestateofthenervoussystem.
Idawentdowntosupper,andspenttheeveningwithhermotherintheparlor.Sheresolvedtotakeupherburdenatonce,andthatthereshouldbenosentimentalsighinginsolitude.Thoughsosorelywounded,shemeanttokeepherplaceintheranksandwinfromsocietysomethingbetterthanpity.JennieBurtonlookedatherwistfullyandwonderinglymanytimes,fortheimpressofthespiritualexperienceofthatdaywasonherface,andmadeitmorethanbeautiful.Theblendingofsadnessandserenity,ofquietstrengthwithcalmresolve,wasapparenttoonepossessingMissBurton\'sinsightintocharacter.\"Canitbe,\"shethought,\"thatVanBerghasdiscoveredhersecret,andfindsthatwhilehecangiveherwarmfriendshipandsympathyinhernewlife,hecannotgiveanymore,andhasmadeasmuchapparenttoherbyhismanner?
IthoughtIdetectedadifferenttendencyinhismindbeforehewenttothecity.Somethinghasoccurredbetweenthemevidently,thattopoorIdameansgivingupahopethatislikelifetoawoman.Iwishshewouldletmetalkwithher,forIthinkwecouldhelpeachother.ThereiscertainlyasustainingelementinherfaithwhichIdonotpossessorunderstand.YearafteryearI
juststruggledesperatelytokeepfromsinkingintodespair,andtheconflictiswearingmeout.Howtomeetto-morrowwithallitsmemoriesIdonotknow.IcanseefromtheexpressionofMissMayhew\'sfacehowIoughttomeetthisanniversaryofadaythatonceseemedtomelikeheaven\'sgate;butallIcandoisjustclingtomyhopeinGod,whileIcrylikeachildthathaslostitselfandallitlovesinathornywilderness.IDOwishwecouldtalkfrankly,butsheisutterlyunapproachable.\"
PoorStantonstalkedupanddownonthepiazzawithout,smokingfuriouslyandmutteringstrangeoaths.Ifthetroublesthatpreyeduponthetwomaidenstowardswhomhisheartwassotender,wereoutwardenemies,thesmallestgrainofdiscretionwouldhavekeptthemoutofhiswaythatnight,andifVanBerghadquietlywalkedupthepiazzastepsasIdawasexpecting,hewouldhavereceivedanythingbutafriendlygreeting.ThathedidnotcomewasadisappointmenttoIda,andyetdeepinherhearttherewasasecretsatisfactionthathefounditsodifficulttoenteronthetaskthatdutyandhonordemanded.\"Ishallseehimatbreakfast,however,\"shethought;\"andhe\'llbequiet,sane,andtruetohispledge.\"
Butwhenshedidnotseehimthenextmorning,andalsolearnedfromStantonthathehadnotbeeninhisroomduringthenight,forebodingsofsomekindofevilbegancominglikeprowlingbeastsofhenightthatthetravelercannotdriveveryfarawayfromhiscamp-fire.Couldhehavebrokenhispromisetoher,andhavefledfromdutyafterall?Shefeltthatshewouldlovehimnomatterwhathedid——forpoorIdacouldnotloveonstrictlymoralprincipals,andwithdrawherloveinoffendeddignityiftheoccasionrequired;
butherpurerandwomanlyinstinctsmadeherfearthatifheforfeitedherrespectherlovemightdegenerateintopassion.
Herwishthathewouldcomegrewmoreintenseeverymoment,andfromherheartshepitiedJennieBurtonasshesawherturnawayfromanalmostuntastedbreakfast,andwithafacethatwassofullofsufferingthatshecouldnotdisguiseit.\"Ifhefailsherutterlyshe\'lldie,\"murmuredIda,assheclimbedwearilytoherroom.\"MercifulSaviour,forgivemethatItriedtotempthimfromher.\"
Shewatchedfromherwindow,buthedidnotcome.ShesawJennieBurtonhasteningawayononeofthelonelywalkstowhichshewasgivenoflate.ShesawStantondriveoffrapidly,andwhenafewhourslaterhecameback,shewentdowntomeethim,andaskedhesitatingly:
\"HaveyouseenorheardanythingofMr.VanBerg?\"
\"Confoundhim!no.Idon\'tseewhatthedeucehemeansbyhiscourse!BurleighsayshehasnotseenorheardawordfromhimsinceearlyMondaymorningwhenhestartedoffwithhissketch-book,andBurleighalsosaysheseemedveryglumandoutofsortswhenhejokedhimalittle.I\'vebeentothelandinganddepot,andnoonehasseenhim.UnlessVancangiveabetteraccountofhimselfthanIexpect,heandIwillhaveatremendousfallingout.\"
\"No,CousinIk,youwillleavehimtohimself,foranythinglikewhatyouthreatenwouldwoundtwoheartsalreadysadenough.\"
\"Well,curseitall!Imustdosomethingorother,orI\'llexplode,Ican\'tsitbyandtwirlmythumbswhiletwosuchwomenasyouandMissBurtonareintrouble.Whenamanbreaksagirl\'sheartIfeellikebreakinghishead.\"
\"Mercifulheaven!See——quick——MissBurton——she\'sbeckoningtoyou.\"
Stantonsprangfromthepiazzaatabound,andwasalmostinstantlyatJennieBurton\'sside,whosankintoaseatnear,andgasped:
\"DoasIbid——nowords——acarriage,andastoutmanwithyourself——takebrandy.Haste,orMr.VanBergwilldie.\"
\"OGod!don\'tsaythat,\"Idasobbed,kneelingatherfeetwithalowshudderingcry.
Jenniestoopedoverandkissedherandsaid:\"Courage,MissMayhew,allwillyetbewell.Beyourbraveself,andyoucanhelpmesavehim.TellMr.Burleightocomehere.Haveaphysiciansentfor.\"
Idaalmostdraggedthebewilderedhostfromhisoffice.Undertheinspirationofhopehermotionswerelitheandswiftasaleopard\'s.
WithinfiveminutesafterMissBurton\'sarrival,acarriagecontainingherself,Stanton,andtwostoutmen,dashedfuriouslytowardstheravineinwhichVanBergwaslying,andabuggywassentwithequalrapidityforaphysician.ThencametopoorIdatheawfulsuspenseandwaiting,whichissooftenwoman\'spartinlife\'stragedies.
\"Oh,canitbe,\"shethought,withthrillsofdreadandhorror,\"thathehasattemptedmycrime?\"andshegrewsickandfaint.
Thensheresolutelyputthesuspicionawayfromherasunjusttohim.\"Willtheyneverreturn?OGod,iftheyshouldbetoolate!\"
Shestoodonthepiazzawitheyesdilatedandstrained,inonedirection,caringnotwhatanyonesaworsurmised;butintheincreasingexcitement,astherumorspreadandgrew,shewasunnoticed.
Atlastthecarriageappeared,anditwasdrivensoslowlyandcarefullythatitsuggestedtothepoorgirlthedeliberateandmournfulpaceofafuneralprocession,whenallneedforhasteispastforever,andshesprangdownthestepsinherintenseanxiety,andtooksomeswiftstepsbeforeshecontrolledherself.Thenpressingherhandonherside,shesankintotheseatwhichMissBurtonhadoccupiedalittlebefore.
JennieBurtonwavedahandkerchief——thatmeantlife.\"ThankGod!\"
shemurmured,andtearsofjoyrushedintohereyes.ShenowsawthatStantonwassupportingVanBerg.Shesprangupthestepsagain,brokethroughtheexcitedandcuriousthrongonthepiazza,andwasbackwithastrongarm-chairfromtheofficebythetimethecarriagestoppedatthedoor.
\"That\'sasensiblegirl,Ida,\"saidStanton,\"that\'sjustthethingtocarryhimin.Now,Van,rallyanddoyourbestafewmomentslonger,andyou\'reallright.\"
AtthesoundofIda\'snameheliftedhisheadandlookedaroundtillhemethereyes,andthensmiledgladly.Hissmilesatisfiedhercompletely,andshesteppedquietlyintothebackground.\"Hehasnotbrokenhispledge,eveninthought,\"shemurmured.\"Icantrusthimstill.\"
Hewascarriedupthestepsandstairstohisroom,followedbyalleyes.IdastoletoJennieBurton,andkeptnearherasshesoughttoquietlygainherroombyasidestairs.
\"Youarefaint,MissBurton,\"shesaidgently,\"leanonme,\"andJenniedidleanonhermoreandmoreheavilyuntilshereachedherroom,andthenherblueeyesclosed,andthedayshesodreadedwasover,asfarasshehadconsciousnessofit.SoslightandfragilehadshebecomethatevenIdawasabletocarryhertohercouch.Herswoonofutterexhaustionwaslonganddeep,andwhensheralliedfromitthereweresymptomswhichledthephysiciantosaythatshemusthaveabsolutequietandsleep,andhegaveherstrongopiatestoinsurethelatter.JennieonlyreachedoutherhandforIdaandwhispered:\"Don\'tleaveme,\"andthenpassedintoaslumberthatseemedlikedeath.
WithheroldimperiousmannerIdasilencedallwhoenteredtheroom,ormotionedthemoutiftheyhadnobusinessthere.
Stantonwhispered:\"YouknowIwillbewithincallanymoment.\"
ButIda\'sreplywas:\"Ifyouloverher,ifyoucareforme,don\'tleavehim;makehimlive.\"Thus,inrestoringrestandpatientvigilsthenightworeaway.ThephysicianfoundthatwhileVanBerg\'slegwasmuchbruisedandwrenched,ithadreceivednopermanentinjury;andinregardtoMissBurtonhesaid:\"Ifshewakesquietandsane,alldangerwillbepast,Ithink.\"
Hishopeswerefulfilled.Withthedawnherdeepstuporpassedintoalightandbrokenslumber,inwhichshetossed,andmoaned,andwhispered,asifthelightofthoughtwerealsostreamingintoherdarkenedmind.AtlastsheopenedhereyesandlookedatIda,whosmiledreassuringly.Inafewmomentstheeventsofthepastdaycamebacktoher,andshestartedupandaskedearnestly:
\"Mr.VanBerg——ishesafe?\"
Idastoopeddownandkissedherasshereplied;\"Mr.VanBergisrallyingfast,andisoutofalldanger.\"
Jennieleanedbackamongherpillowswithasmileofdeepcontent,andclosedhereyes.WhensheopenedthemagainIdahadgone,andMrs.Burleighhadtakenherplaceaswatcher.
Buttheneedofsuchcarepassedspeedily.Thedoctor,afterhismorningcall,saidthatthecriticalmomentofdangerhadgoneby.
Soithad,buthisunderstandingofJennie\'scasewassuperficialindeed,andheascribedtohisopiateavirtuethatithadneverpossessed.Thebalmthathadsoothedherwoundedspiritwasthethoughtofsavedlifeandthehappinessthatmightresulttothoseinwhomshewasdeeplyinterested.Thedreadedanniversaryhadpassed,andshewasprofoundlygratefulthatithadendedinphysicalexhaustionratherthaninvainandagonizedregret.Shereadilyobeyedthephysician\'sinjunctiontokeepveryquietfortwoorthreedays,formemoryduringthepastfewweekshadcausedafeverofmindthatwasscarcelylesswearingthanwouldhavebeenthediseaseagainstwhichrestwasthebestsafeguard.TheconditioninwhichshefoundVanBergsuggestedsomelightonthedarkproblemofherlife,butsheonlysigheddeeply:\"Ishallneverknowinthisworldwhyhedoesnotcome.\"
WhentoldhowIdahadtakencareofherandwatchedtillalldangerwaspassed,shemurmuredtoherself,\"Brave,nobleIdaMayhew!butImaybeabletorewardheryet.\"Sheneededverylittlecare,andfeltnosurprisethatIdanowpermittedotherstorendertheseattentions,contentingherselfwithbriefbutgentleinquiriesconcerningherwelfare.JennieonlytookpainstolearnthatIdawouldnotleavetheLakeHousetillMondayofthefollowingweek,andthenrestedandwaited.ShewasnotsureofVanBerg,anduntilshewasshewouldshieldIdaasherself.Butifitweretrue,asshesurmisedthatVanBergimaginedthathonorandloyaltyboundhimtoher,whilehisheartwasdisposedtorewardthemaidenwhohadgivenhimhers,shehopedthatalittlewisediplomacyonherpartmightdonoharm.SheveryjustlyfearedthatVanBerg\'sgratitudetoherselfwouldbesostrongthathewouldconsidernothingelse,andshealsofearedthatinordertoaccomplishherkindintentionstowardsthem,itmightbecomenecessaryforhertotellhimthesadstoryofherlife——astorywhichshehadneveryetputinwords.Thereforeshesoughttoobtainthestrengthandtranquilityofmindwhichthiseffortmighttaxtotheutmost.ShealsoimaginedthatifshecouldonlyseeIdaandVanBergtogetherafewtimes,hercoursewouldbeclearer.
VanBerg\'svitalforceshadnotbeendrainedbyweeksofmentaldistress,andheralliedrapidly.Stantontookcareofhimwithasortofgrimfaithfulnesswhichhisfriendappreciated,butneitherofthemmadeanyreferencetothesubjectuppermostintheirminds.
Ontheafternoonofthedayfollowinghisrescue,hewasabletousecrutches,andseatedinhisarm-chairwascarrieddowntothehotelparlor.Thegueststhrongedaroundhimwithcongratulations,andIdacameforwardpromptlywiththeothersbuthermannerwasthemostundemonstrativeandquietofanywhospoketohim.Hisearnestlookandthepressureofhishandmeantsomuchtoher,however,thatshesoonretreatedtothesolitudeofherroom,andhersmilewasalmostgladasshemurmured:
\"Oh,howmuchbetteritistojusttakeGodathiswordanddoright!IfIhadyieldedtomystrongtemptationIwouldnothavewonhim,fornowheisboundtoMissBurtonbyeverymotive.ButbydoingrightIhavekepthisrespect.ThankGodfortheglanceIhavejustreceived,foritisworthfarmorethananyexpressionsofdishonorablepassion.Myconscienceislight,ifmyheartisheavy!\"
InthequietandfriendlycourtesythatVanBergandIdamaintainedtowardseachother,acasualobserverwouldhaveseennothingtoexciteremark,andthegossipsatthehousebelievedtheyhadbeenmisledbythefactsthattheartisthadfollowedIdatothecity,andreturnedwithherasifbyarrangement.Theynowallagreedthathecouldnotdolessthanbestowhimselfasarewarduponthe\"prettylittleschoolma\'am,\"assomeofthetattlinggenuspersistedincallingMissBurton.Mr.Mayhewhadwrittenthatunexpectedbusinesscomplicationshadarisenwhichrequiredhiswholeattention,andashewasactingintrustforothershecouldnotgivehistimejustthentomakingthechangethatIdahadwished,butthathewouldarrangematterssohecouldenteronhisvacationthefollowingweek,andthenwouldtakeIdawherevershewishedtogo.Hewrotedaily,andhislettersweresourcesofdoublecheertoIda,forshereadbetweenthelinesherfather\'sdeepsympathyandinthelinesfoundincreasingproofthathewasachangedman.
Nowthateventshadtakentheirstrangeandunexpectedturn,shewasnotsorrytoremain.Shehadnobeliefthatchangeofplacewouldmakeanydifferenceinherfeelings,andshefoundthatherheartclungstronglytothesceneswithwhichwereassociatedherrecentdeepexperiences.TherewasnothinginVanBerg\'smannernowthatmadeitembarrassingforhertomeethim.Whileinhishonestefforttokeephispledges,shesawthatheapparentlygavethemostofhisthoughtstoMissBurton,anddailyhadconveyedtoherroomtherarestflowersandfruitshecouldobtain,sendingtothecityforthemaswellashavingthecountryscouredforitschoicesttreasures,shealsooccasionallycaughtaglimpseofthetruththathehonoredandreverencedherfromthedepthsofhisheart.Althoughinhersincerediffidenceshedidnotregardherselfasworthyofsuchesteem,stillthepoorgirl,whohadbeensodeeplyhumiliatedanddiscouraged,wascomfortedandsustainedbyhisstrongandsilenthomage.ShewouldalsobeverysorrytoforegoherdailyvisitstoMr.Eltinge.
AsThursdaywaswarm,VanBergspentthegreaterpartofitonthecoolpiazza,forhewasnowabletomoveaboutoncrutchesverywell.Hehadnolackofcompany,butallfoundhimreticentconcerninghisaccidentandthecauseswhichhadledtoit.Themostpersistentgossipinthehouselearnednomorethanthebarefacts,andwasinclinedtobelievetherewasnothingmoretolearn.
ThatStantonwassodistantwasexplainedbythefactthathewasanunsuccessfulrival.BothVanBergandIdapuzzledStantonasfarashegavethemthought,butinhishonestloyaltyhisheartwasinthedarkenedroominwhichpoorJenniewasresting,morefromherlongpassionatestrugglewithasorrowshecouldnotburythanfromtheexhaustioncausedbyherrescueofVanBerg.
Fridaymorninghappenedtobeverywarm,andIdadidnotvisitMr.
Eltinge,butensconcedherselfinadistantcornerofthepiazzawithabook,thepagesofwhichwerenotturnedveryregularly.
\"Iwonder,\"shethought,\"when,ifever,weshallhaveanotherfriendlytalk.Whatastrange,deephush,asitwere,hascomeafterthepassionatejoyanddesperatesorrowandfearofthepastweek!Itisthetypeofwhatmyinnerlifewillbe.ButImustnotcomplain;thousandsofhearts,nodoubt,aretheburial-placesofasdearahopeasmine;andOneispledgedtogivemebackmylifeinsomeway,andatsometime.
\"MissIda,\"saidavoicethatmadeherstartandcrimsoninspiteofherself,\"mayIcomeoutandtalkwithyoualittlewhile?\"andshesawthatVanBergwasspeakingtoherthroughthewindowblindsofoneoftheprivateparlors.
\"Yes,\"shesaidhesitatingly,\"ifyouthinkitisbest.\"
Hewentaroundandcameopenlytoherside,bringingasmallcamp-chairwithhim.ashesteadiedhimselfagainstapiazzacolumnintakinghisseat,andleanedhiscrutchesontherailing,herlookswereverysympathetic.Withasmilehetookonofhiscrutchesinhishandsashesaid:
\"Ihavecometotheseveryproperlyatlast,andyoumusthaveseentheirsignificance.Itismyspiritualandmorallameness,however,thatnowtroublesmemost,MissMayhew.Whenlyingatthebottomofthatravine,expectingdeath,Ivowed,likemostsinnersinsimilarcircumstances,Isuppose,thatifIeverescapedI
wouldbecomeaChristianman.Iintendtokeepthevowifitisapossiblething.ButImakenoprogress.Iprayedthen,andI
haveprayedandreadmyBiblesince,buteverythingisforcedandformal,andthethoughtwillcometomecontinually,thatImightaswellpraytoSocratesorPlatoastoChrist.Iwishyoucouldteachmeyourfaith.\"
\"Mr.VanBerg,\"repliedIda,withatroubledface,\"I\'mnotwiseenoughtoguideyouinsuchamatter.IwouldmuchratheryouwouldtalkwithMr.Eltingeorsomelearned,goodman.\"
\"IshallbegladtoseeMr.Eltinge,butIdon\'tcaretogotothelearnedmanjustyet.Wemightgetintoanargument,inwhichofcourseIshouldbeworsted,butIfearnotconvinced.Ihaveneverknownanythingsorealasyourfaithhasseemed,butIcanobtainnothingthatintheleastcorrespondswithit.Iask,butreceivenomoreresponsethanifIspoketotheemptyair.Thencomesthestrongtemptationtorelapseintotheoldmaterialisticphilosophy,whichIhadpracticallyaccepted,andtobelievethatreligiousexperiencesareimaginary,ortheresultofeducationandtemperament.AtthesametimeIhavefoundthisphilosophysuchawretchedsupport,eitherinlifeorintheprospectofdeath,thatIwouldbegladtothrowitawayasworthless.\"
\"Ifeartospeaktoyouonthissubject,\"shesaid,\"andshallnotforamomentattempttoteachyouanything.Theysayfactsarestubbornthings,andI\'lltellyouafew,whichtomysimple,homelycommon-senseareconclusive.Toaman\'sreasontheymaycountforlittle.Myreligiousexperiencesarenottheresultofeducationortemperament,butarecontrarytoboth;andiftheyareimaginary,allmyexperiencesareimaginary.PerhapsIcanbesttellyouwhatImeanbyanillustrationthatisapleasantonetome.ThereisapartiallyfinishedpictureinyourstudiothatIhopetohangsomedayinmyownsanctumathome.HowshallIeverknowthatI
havethatpicture?HowshallIeverknowthatyouhavegivenittome?Ishallknowitbecauseyoukeepyourpromiseandsendittome.Ishallhaveitinmypossession,andIshallenjoyitdaily.
Arenothope,patience,peace,whentheworldcouldgivenopeace,asrealasyourpicture?Isnotthehonestpurposetoovercomeanaturethatyouknowissoveryfaulty,asrealagiftasanyI
couldreceive?IftheFriendIhavefoundpromisesmesuchthings,andatoncebeginstokeephisword,whyshouldInottrusthim?
Butremember,youmustnotexpectfrommeverymuchatfirst,anymorethandidMr.Eltingefromthelittlepear-treeheliftedupandgaveachancetolive.Now,withonemorethought,mysmallcupoftheologyisemptied.Togobacktomyillustration:SupposesomepersonshouldsaythathehadnotapictureofMr.Eltinge;
thatwouldbenoproofthatIdidnothaveone,orthatyouhadnotgivenonetome.Idon\'tsee,Mr.VanBerg,thatthefactthatyouhavenofaiththismorning,isanythingagainstthefactthatIandMr.Eltinge,andsomanyothersdohavefaith,withgoodreasonsforit,andareabletosay,\"IKNOWthatmyRedeemerliveth.\'Thetestimonyofotherpeoplecountsforsomethinginmostmatters.WhymustsuchmenasMr.Eltingebesetdowneitherasdeceiversordeceived,whentheystatesomeofthemostcertainfactsoftheirexperience?\"
\"Iknewyouweretherightonetocometo,\"hesaid,lookingathersoearnestlythathereyesfellbeforehis;\"butwhyisit,doyouthink,thatIreceivenoanswer?\"
\"AsItoldyou,mylittlecupofknowledgeisempty,butitseemstomethatinyourhappy,wonderfulrescueyouwereanswered.YouhavepromisedtobecomeaChristian,Mr.VanBerg.Youcertainlydidnotlimityourefforttothisweek.SurelytobeaChristianisworthalifetimeofeffort.\"
\"Iunderstandyouagain,\"hesaidwithasmile;\"youleavemenootherchoicethantomakealifetimeofeffort.ButIfearitwillbeawfullyup-hillwork.TheBibleseemstomeanold-worldbook.Manypartstakeastrongholdonmyimagination,andofcourseIknowitssurpassingliterarymerit;butIdon\'tfindinitmuchthatseemspersonallyapplicableorhelpful.Doyou?I
admit,though,thatwhenIreadwordsthismorningtotheeffectthat\'abrutishmanknowethnot,neitherdothafoolunderstand.\'
Ifeltthatthegoodoldsaintmusthavehadhispropheticeyeonmeatthetimeofwriting.\"
\"Youareasunjusttowardsyourselfasever,Isee,\"shesaid.
\"IhavefoundanotherPsalmthattomemeantsomuchthatIhavecommittedthefirstpartofittomemory.Youcanunderstandwhythefollowingwordsaresignificant,\"andintheplaintivetonesthathadvibratedsodeeplyinhisheartwhenshereadtoMr.Eltinge,sherepeated:
\"IlovetheLordbecausehehathheardmyvoiceandmysupplication.
\"Becausehehathinclinedhisearuntome,thereforewillIcalluponhimaslongasIlive.
\"Thesorrowsofdeathcompassedme,andthepainsofhellgotholduponme:Ifoundtroubleandsorrow.
\"ThencalledIuponthenameoftheLord;OLord,Ibeseechthee,delivermysoul.
\"TheLordpreserveththesimple:IwasbroughtlowandheHELPED
me.
\"Returnuntothyrest,Omysoul;fortheLordhathdealtbountifullywiththee.
\"Forthouhastdeliveredmysoulfromdeath,mineeyesfromtears,andmyfeetfromfalling.
\"Andthisismyconclusion,Mr.VanBerg,\'IwillwalkbeforetheLordinthelandoftheliving.\'Iamgoingtofindplentyofgood,live,wholesomeworktodo\'inthelandoftheliving,\'andIintendtodoitasifIenjoyedit;indeed,IthinkIshallenjoyit,\"andsheroseandlefthimwithagenialandcheerysmile.
Buthesatstillandthoughtlonganddeeply.Atlasthemutteredinconclusion:\"\'Bytheirfruitsyeshallknowthem.\'Oncemore,GodblessIdaMayhewforallshehasbeentome!\"
Whentheyweregatheredatdinner,JennieBurtonwalkedinandtookherseatinthemostquietandmatterofcoursewaypossible.
VanBerglaiddownhisknifeandforkandexclaimed:\"Youhavestolenamarchonus.Wedesignedgivingyouanovationwhenyoucamedown.\"
\"Willyoupleasepassmethebreadinitsplace,Mr.VanBerg?\"sherepliedinherformerpiquant,mirthfulway.\"Withtheappetitethatiscomingbacktome,oneofMr.Burleigh\'sgooddinnersisfarmoretomytastethananovationwhichInowdeclinewiththanks.\"
Verypaleandslightshecertainlyhadbecome,buttheysawheroldcheery,indomitablespiritoncemorelookedoutofherblueeyesandvibratedinthetonesofhervoice.Withthechangesindicated,shewasthesamebrightlittle\"enigmainbrown\"thathadsofascinatedVanBergthefirstdayofherarrival,andledhimtomakethehalf-jestingpredictiontoStantonthathadbeensothoroughlyfulfilled.Inspiteofthemselvesherirresistiblegrace,wit,andhumorcreatedcontinuousandirrepressiblemerrimentattheirtable,whichIdasecondedwithatactandpiquancybutlittleinferiortothatofMissBurtonherself.Straightforwardandratherslow-wittedStantonrubbedhiseyesandvowedbetweenthefirstheartylaughshehadknownformanyalongdaythathewaspractisedupon,andthatheintendedtohaveMissBurtonindictedasawitch,andIdaasanaccomplice.
ButJennieBurtoncouldnotescapetheovation,forshehadwonasecureandlargeplaceintheesteem,andinmanyinstances,intheaffectionsofhersummerassociates.Afterdinner,nomatterwhichwaysheturned,handswereextendedandheartywordsspoken,andwhileatdinnereventhecoloredwaitersgrinnedapprovinglywhenevershelookedtowardsthem.Mr.Burleighfinallybroughtthecongratulationsandjollitytoaclimaxbyhoistingtheflagandtryingtodrum\"HailColumbia\"onagong.
\"That\'shisway,\"saidMrs.BurleighinanasidetoJennie;\"butwouldyoubelieveit,thepoormanhasscarcelyeatenorsleptsinceyouhavebeenill.IfithadbeenanyoneelsebutyouI\'dbeenjealous.\"
ButVanBergknewwellthatallthisgenialitywasliketherippleandsparklethatplayabovedeepwaters.OccasionallyhefoundMissBurton\'seyesdirectedtowardshimselfinawaythatcausedhimdeepanxiety,andhehadanuneasyconsciousnessthatshewasreadinghisinnermostthoughts.Whileheexertedhisutmostpowertobanisheverythingfromhismindthatwasnotloyaltoher,hemadenoefforttoavoidIdaorsaylittletoheratthetableandduringtheafternoon,butrathertookpainstotreatherwithfrankandcordialcourtesy;however,inspiteofhimself,hecouldnotkeepoutofhiseyesatalltimesthereverenceandgratitudewithwhichhisverysouloverflowed;forhefeltthatheowedtoIda,whohadsavedhismanhood,farmorethantoJennie,whohadsavedhislifeonly.
IdaalsoobservedMissBurton\'sslightandcarefullydisguisedscrutinywithaflutteringheart.\"Isupposehedoesthebesthecan,\"shethought;\"butshe\'llsurelyfindhimout;thereisnouseoftryingtohideanythingfromawomanwholoves.Well,well,letherbutremaindiscreetlyblindforalittletime,andwithherpowersoffascinationshewillwinhimheartandsoul.\"
BeforeJenniesleptthatnighthermindwasclearastohercourse.
\"Ithink,\"shemurmured,\"Iunderstandthembothnow.HismannertowardsMissMayhewiscertainlynotthatofaconventionallover;butasIhaveseenhimlookathertwiceasifhecouldsayhisprayerstoher,IthinkI\'llventureontheonlymatch-makingIeverattempted.ButwhattodowithMr.Stanton,Idon\'tknow.
Poorman!hemightaswellloveashadowasme,andyetheseemssosimple,honest,andrealhimself.Heisdisappointingmedaily,andIhavewrongedhimverymuch.Ithoughthimaselfishmanoftheworld,buthepersistsinofferingmeachivalric,unselfishdevotion,forwhichheasksnothinginreturn.Alas!Icangivehimnothing——nothingcomparedwithwhathegives.\"
\"IamgoingtomakemylastvisittoMr.Eltingeandtheoldgarden,\"saidIdatoVanBergasshepassedhimonthepiazzathefollowingmorning.
Helookedafterhersowistfully,andsighedsodeeply,thatJennieBurton,unseenherself,smiledasifshehaddiscoveredsomethingthatgaveherdeepsatisfaction.
\"Mr.VanBerg,\"shesaidafewmomentslater\"canyougivemealittleofyourvaluabletimeto-day?\"
\"Allofit,\"hesaidpromptly.
\"Thanks.Ishalltake,then,allIwant.Comewithmetoyondershadyrusticseat,forIlongtobeoutofdoorsagain;andyouhavelearnedtohobblesogracefullyanddeftlythatyoucanmanagethejourney,I\'msure.\"
Heaccompaniedher,wonderingalittleatherwordsandmanner.
Whentheyhadreachedtheseclusionshesoughthermannerchanged,andshebecameverygraveandearnest,forshefeltthatitmightbethecrisismomentoftwolives,andshewasnotonewhocouldself-complacentlyandconfidentlyseektoshapehumandestiny.
\"Mr.VanBerg,\"shesaid,\"Ishallnotuseanytediouscircumlocution,foryourtimeispreciousthismorning;moresothanyouthinkatthismoment.NorshallItrytoentrapyoubyguileandfemininediplomacy;butyoumademeaveryexplicitpledgewhenIfoundyoulastTuesdaymorning.\"
\"Yes,JennieBurton,Iamyours,bodyandsoul.\"
\"Buthowaboutyourheart,Mr.VanBerg?\"