\"Touchofdyspepsia,likeenough.However,Sibleywillbehereinafewminutesandhewillcheerherup,neverfear.I\'mdisgustedwithherthatshetakessotothatfellow;foralthoughnosaintmyself,Ican\'tstomachhim.\"
AtthementionofSibley\'sname,VanBergfrowned,turnedonhisheelandwalkedaway.
\"IfStantonisrightaboutthatfellow\'spoweroverher,\"hemuttered,\"I\'lltearupthesketchImadethisafternoonandnevergiveheranotherthought.\"
ThemomentIdabecameconsciousofVanBerg\'sobservanteyesherlanguorpassedaway.Shehadscarcelyglancedathimwhileatdinner,butshehadfelt,bysomesubtlepowerofperception,thathewasfurtivelywatchingher,andshealsofelttherewasmoreofcuriositythankindlinessinhisregard.Withaninstinctasstrongasthatofself-preservation,shesoughttohidehersecret,andwhenafewmomentslaterthestagewasdriventothedoor,shewaspreparedtowelcomethemanshenowdetested,inordertoconcealherheartfromthemansheloved.
VanBerg,leaningagainstapillarnear,sawMr.Mayhewwithhissallow,listlessfaceandlifelesstreadmountthestepstogreethiswifeanddaughter;but,beforehecouldtakeIda\'shand,Sibley,insnowylinenandacoatfromwhichthestainsanddustofearthseemedeverkeptmiraculously,brushedpasthim,andseizingthedaughter\'shand,exclaimed:
\"YouseeI\'vekeptmypromise,andamhere.\"Andthenhewhisperedinherear:\"ByJupiter,MissIda,youlooklikeahourijustfromParadiseto-night.\"
Mr.Mayhewpausedamomentandlookedfromtheforwardyouthtohisdaughter\'sscarletface,frownedheavily,andthengaveherandhermotheraverycoolgreetingbeforepassingontohisroom.
IdacouldnotforbearstealingalookatVanBerg,andherfacegrewpaleagainassheencounteredhisscornfulglance.Pridewasoneofherpredominanttraits,andhismannertouchedittothequick.Sheresolvedtoreturnhimscornforscorn,andtoshowhimthatinspiteofherheartthathadturnedagainstherandbecomehisally,shecouldstillbeheroldgayself.ThereforeshegaveSibleybackhisbadinageinkind;andinreparteethatwasbrightandsharpaswellasreckless,sheansweredthecomplimentsofothergayyoungfellowswhoalsogatheredaroundher.
\"DidInottellyouSibleywouldreviveher?\"Stantonremarkedastheywentdowntosupper.\"SuchhumdrumfellowsasyouandIarenottothetasteofonewhohasbeenbroughtuponadietofcayennepepperandchocolatecream.\"
\"Butwhatkindofblooddoessuchadietmake?\"
\"Judgeforyourself.Itlookswellasitcomesandgoesinaprettyface.\"
\"Lookhere,Stanton,\"saidVanBerg,pausingatthediningroomdoor;\"thereisthatSibleyatourtable.\"
\"Oh,certainly!HeclaimstobeIda\'sfriend,andyouseethatMrs.Mayhewisverygracioustohim.He\'srich,andwillinherithisfather\'sbusinessalso;andmysagaciousauntinquiresnofurther.\"
\"Stanton,webothfeethatheisnotfittositatthesametablewithMissBurton.\"
\"Youareright,Van,\"Stantonrepliedwithadeepflush;\"butIcandonothingwithoutdrawingattentiontomyrelatives.Afterall,itisonlyacasualandtransientassociationinapublicplace,overwhichwehavenocontrol.Whilesheseemstooneartohimthereyouknowthatheavenisasneartohellastheyaretoeachother.ForthesakeofpoorMr.Mayhew,iffornooneelse,letthematterpass.\"
\"Verywell,Stanton;butitmustnothappensoanotherweek;\"andthentheyoungmenwhohadwithdrawnintothehall-wayentered,buttheexpressionofcoldnessanddispleasuredidnotwhollypassfromtheirfaces.
ChapterXXIII.JennieBurton\'s\"Remedies.\"
FortunatelyMr.Mayhewhadbeenplacedatthesupper-tablenexttoMissBurton,andVanBergspeedilybecameabsorbedinwatchingtheimpressionmadeoneachotherbythesetwocharactersthatweresoutterlydiverse.ItneededbutaglancetoseethatMr.Mayhewwasaheavy-hearted,broken-spiritedman.Hisshrunkeninanimatefeatures,andslight,bentform,lookedallthemoredimandshadowyincontrastwithhisstout,floridwife,whoeveninpublicscarcelymorethantoleratedhispresence.ThiseveningshedevotedherselftoSibley,whosatbetweenherandherdaughter.
Mr.Mayhewseemedunusuallydepressedevenforhim,andbegantomakeasupperonlyinform.JennieBurtonstoleafewshyglancesathissallowface,andseemedtofindanattractioninitshecouldnotresist.Twohandsomeloverssatnearher,butsheevidentlyforgotthemwhollysavewhentheyaddressedher;andshewooedtheelderlymanathersidewithconsummatetactandgrace.
Atfirsthewasunconsciousofherpresence.Shewasbutanotherhumanatom,andofnomoreinteresttohimthanthechaironwhichshesat.Mechanicallyhedeclinedoneortwothingsshepassedtohim,andinanabsentmannerrepliedtothefewcasualremarksbywhichshesoughttoengagehiminconversation.Atlastshesaid,inavoicethatwasindescribablywinningandsympathetic:
\"Mr.Mayhew,yoursultryweekintownhasweariedyou.Ourcountryairwilldoyougood.\"
Therewassomuchmoreinhertonesthaninherwordsthatheturnedtolookather,andthen,forthefirsttime,becameawarethathewasnotsittingatthesideofanordinary,well-bredlady.
\"Countryairisgoodasfarasitgoes,\"hesaidslowly,scanningherfaceashespoke;\"butitdoesnotmakemuchdifferencewithme.\"
\"Thereareotherremedies,\"sheresumedinherlowgentletone,\"which,liketheair,arenotexactlytangible,andyetaremorepotent.\"
\"Indeed,\"hesaid,thedawninginterestdeepeninginhisface;
\"whatarethey?\"
\"Idonotmeantotellyou,\"sherepliedwithalittlepiquantnodandsmile.\"I\'velearnedbetterthanthosepeoplewhohaveadozeninfalliblemedicinesattheirtongues\'endforeverytroubleunderheaven.Inevernamemyremedies;forifIdid,peoplewouldturnawayincontemptforsuchcommonplacesimples.\"
\"Icanguessoneofthemalready,\"hesaidwithapleasedlightcomingintohiseyes.
\"Soquickly,Mr.Mayhew?Idoubtit.\"
\"Kindness,\"hesaid,inalowtone.
\"Well,\"sherepliedwithaslightflush,\"Icanstoutlyassertthatthisremedydidmegoodwhenallthelong-nameddrugsinthe\'MateriaMedica\'couldnothavehelpedme.\"
Helookedathersearchinglyamoment,andthensaidinthesamelowtone:
\"Andsoyouaretryingtoapplyyourremedytome?Itcertainlyisverygoodofyou.Mostpeoplewhentheyarecured,throwawaythemedicine,forgettinghowmanyothersaresick.\"
\"Perhapswecanneverexactlysaywearecuredinthislife;butIthinkwecanallgetbetter.\"
\"Itdependsagreatdealuponthedisease,\"hereplied,withashrug.
\"No,Mr.Mayhew,\"shesaid;and,althoughhertonewaslow,itwasalmostpassionateinitsearnestness.\"Godforbidthatthereshouldbeadiseasewithoutaremedy.\"
Heagainlookedatherwithapeculiarexpression,andthenslowlyturnedtowardhiswifeanddaughter.Mrs.Mayhewwastoopreoccupiedtoheedhim,andSibleywasjustsaying:
\"MissIda,Iclaimyouforthefirstwaltzthisevening,andonlywishthatitwouldlastindefinitely.\"
\"Pardonmeforsayingittoonesoyoungandhopefulasyourself,MissBurton,\"Mr.Mayhewresumedgloomily,\"butthatwhichbothGodandgood-senseforbidseemsthethingmostsuretotakeplaceinthisworld.\"
Althoughsodissimilar,deepandsadexperiencesmadethemkin,andMissBurtonfoundshemustmakeaneffortnottolettheirthoughtscolortheirwordstoodarklyforthetimeandplace.
\"Ishallnotletyoudestroymyfaithinmyold-fashionedsimples,\"
shesaidintonesthatwerelighterthanhermeaning.\"Youmustnotbesurethatbecauseyouaresomuchmysenior,allmycomplaintshavebeenmerelychildren\'stroubles.Appearancesareoftenmisleading,youknow.\"
\"Notinyourcase,Ithink,MissBurton.Ihavelostfaithinalmosteverything,andmostofallinmyself;butthisunexpectedlittletalkhastouchedmedeeperthanyoucanknow,andIcannothelphavingfaithinyou.\"
\"Iwillbelieveit,\"shesaidwithasmile,\"ifyouwillgivemealittleofyoursocietybeforeyougobacktothecity.\"
Helookedatherwithsuddensuspicion.\"Doyoumeanwhatyousay?\"
\"Ido.\"
\"Whydoyouwishmysociety?\"
Shehesitated.
Hisfacedarkenedstillmore,forherememberedwhathewas,andhowlittlethisyoungandlovelygirlhadincommonwithhim.
\"Answermetruly,\"heinsisted;\"whyshouldyouwishmysociety?
I\'venotaparticleofvanity.IknowwhatIam,andyouundoubtedlyknowalso.Ifyouwishtoadvisemeandpreachatme,letmetellyouplainlybutcourteouslythatyourefforts,however,wellintentioned,wouldbeinvain,andnotaltogetherwelcome.Icanconceiveofnootherreasonwhyyoushouldwishformysociety.\"
Herfacebecameverypale,butshelookedhimfullinhiseyesasshereplied:
\"Idonotwishtopreachoradviseatall.Canyounotunderstandthatonemayeaseone\'sownpainbytryingtorelievethesufferingofanother?NowyouseehowselfishIam.\"
Hisfacesoftenedinstantly,andhesaid:
\"MissBurton,thatistoodivineaphilosophyformetograspatonce.Astheworldgoesnow,Ithinkyouarefoundingaschoolofyourown.Youwillfindmeaneagerlistener,ifnotanaptscholar,wheneveryouwillhonormewithyourcompany.\"Andsmilinghisthanksheroseandleftthetable.
Thisconversationhadbeencarriedonintonestoolowandquiettobeheardbyothersinthecrowdedandnoisydining-room.VanBerg,whosatopposite,hadtakenpainsnottofollowitandtoappearoblivious,andyethecouldnotrefrainfromobservingitsgeneraldriftandscopeinMr.Mayhew\'smanner;andhiseyesglowedwithadmirationforherwinningtactandkindness.Theglancehebentuponherwasperhapsmoreardentandapprovingthanhewasaware,forshe,lookingupfromtheabstractionwhichtherecentconversationhadoccasioned,seemedstrangelyaffectedbyit,forshetrembledandherfaceblanchedwithasuddenpallor,whilehereyeswererivetedtohisface.
\"Youarenotwell,MissBurton,\"saidStantonhastily,butinalowtone.\"Letmegetyousomewine.\"
Shestartedperceptibly,andthenasuddencrimsonsuffusedherfaceasshebecameconsciousthatothereyeswereuponher.
Inalmostasecondsherecoveredherselffully,andreplied,withasmile:
\"No,Ithinkyou,Mr.Stanton.Acupofteaisapanaceaforallawoman\'stroubles,andyouseeIhaveithere.Ididnotfeelwellforamoment,butambetternow.\"
TheeyesofStantonandIdamet.Bothhadseenthislittleepisode,andeachdrewfromitconclusionsthatwereanythingbutinspiriting.ButVanBergwasthoroughlypuzzled.Whileashefelthenhewouldhavegladlydrawnencouragementfromit,andperhapsdidsotosomeextent,hestillfelttherewassomethingpeculiarinhermanner,ofwhichheseemedtheoccasion,butwasnottheadequatecause.
MissBurtonsoonaftersoughtherroom,andforafewmomentspaceditindeepdisquiet,andherwholeformseemedtobecometenseandrigid.Inlowtonesshecommunedwithherself:
\"Ismywillsoweak?ShallIcontinuebetrayingmyselfatanyunexpectedmoment?ShallIshowtostrangerssomethingthatI
wouldhidefromalleyessavethoseofGod?Letmerealizeitatonce,andsomaintainself-controlhenceforth.Thisisanillusion——ameretrickofmyoverwroughtmind;andyetitseemedsolike——\"
Apassionofgriefinterruptedfurtherwords.Suchbitter,uncontrollablesorrowinonesoyoungwasterrible.Shewrithedandstruggledwiththisanguishforatimeashelplesslyasifshewereinthegraspofagiant.
Atlastshegrewcalm.Therewerenotearsinhereyes.Shewasbeyondsuchsimpleandnaturalexpressionofsorrow.Shehadreadytearsforthetroublesofothers,butnowhereyesweredryandfeverish.
\"OGod,\"shegasped,\"teachmepatience!Keepmesubmissive.Letmestillsay,\'Thywillbedone.\'Andyetthetimeisdrawingnearwhen——oh,hush!hush!Letmenotthinkofit——
\"There,there,bestill,\"shesaidmorequietlywithherhanduponherside.\"Hundredsofotherheartsbesidesyourownareaching.
Forgetyourselfinrelievingthem.\"
Shebathedherface,putsomebrighterflowersinherhair,andwentdownamongtheotherguests,seeminglytheveryembodimentofsunshine.AlleyessavethoseofIdaMayhewwelcomedher;thechildrengatheredroundher;StantonandVanBergwerebotheagerforhersocietyinthedance,orbetterstill,forapromenade;butshesawMr.Mayhewlookingwistfullyather,andshewentstraighttohim.
Withunerringtactshefoundoutthesubjectsthatwereinterestingtohim,andrevivinghisfaithinhisownintelligence,ledhismindthroughsunny,breezyrangesofthoughtthatmadethetimehespentwithherlikeanescapefromthenarrowwallsandstiflingairandgloomofaprison.
ChapterXXIV.AHateful,WretchedLife.
TheadventofhalfascoreofyoungmenfromthecitynaturallymadedancingtheorderoftheoccasiononSaturdayevening.Mr.
Burleigh,however,gaveSibleyahintthatthefeatureshehadintroducedthepreviousweekmustbeomittedtonight,sincenothingthatwouldintheslightestdegreelowerthecharacterofhishousewouldbetolerated.TheexcitementthereforethatSibleyhadformerlyreceivedfromCognac,henowsoughttoobtainbypursuingwithgreaterardorhisflirtationwithIda.Indeed,tosuchanatureashis,herbeautywasquiteasintoxicatingasthe\"spiritofwine.\"Therewasabrilliancyinherappearancetonightandapiquancyinherwordsthatstruckhimasveryunusual.
Norwashealoneinhisadmiration.Theyoungmenfromthecitythrongedabouther,andherhandwassoonengagedforeverydanceuntillateintheevening;butonthisoccasionshehadnoopportunity,asbefore,ofdeclininginvitationsfromVanBerg.
Thesolicitationsofotherswentforlittle,theadmiringeyesthatshesawfollowingheroneverysidecouldnotcompensateforthelackofallattentionfromhim.Hedancedseveraltimes,butitwaswiththosewhoseemedtobeneglectedbyothers.Inhisquiet,dignifiedbearing,inhisunselfishaffabilitytowardthosewhootherwisewouldhavehadadullevening,heappearedtoherinmostfavorablecontrasttothegiddyyoungfellowswhoflutteredaroundher,andwhosesupremethoughtswerealwaysofthemselves,andofheronlyasshecouldministertotheirpleasure.
\"MissBurtonhassoplainlywonhim,\"shethought,\"thathehasadoptedhertacticsoflookingafterthosewhomeveryoneneglects.
Icouldsoonshowhimtheonehehasthegreatestpowerofcheering,andIknowthatshehasthedeepestneedofcheerofanyoneinthiscrowdedhouse,butI\'dratherdiethangiveonehintofourfirstmeetinghehashumiliatedme,andIinreturnlovehim!Butheshallneverknowit.Mylookscanbeascoldashis.\"
Andsotheyweretowardhim,butforallothersshehadhadthegayestsmilesandrepartee.Vividlyconsciousofthesecretshewouldsojealouslyguard,shesoughtbyeverymeansinherpowertomaskitfromhimandallothers.Shewouldevenpermithernameforatimetobeassociatedwithamanshedetestedanddespised,sincethusthetruthcouldbemoreeffectivelyconcealed.
Sibley\'sattentionswerecertainlyardentenoughtoattractattention,andoccasionallytherewasaboldnessinhiscompliments,whichshe,eveninherrecklessmood,sharplyresented.Hiseyesseemedtogrowmorewolfisheverytimesheencounteredthem,andmorethanoncethethoughtcrossedhermind:
\"WhataheavenitwouldbetolookupintotheeyesofamanI
couldtrust,andwhohonoredme.\"
Whattortureitwastoseesuchamanpresent,andyettofeelthathejustlyscornedher.
Excitementandherstrongwillkeptherupforalongtime,butastheeveningadvanceddespondencyandwearinessbegantogainthemastery.Sibleycametoherandsaid:\"MissIda,Ihaveyourhandforthenextwaltz,butIseeyouarewornandtired.Letusgooutonthecoolpiazzainsteadofdancing.\"
Listlesslyshetookhisarmandpassedthroughoneoftheopenwindowsnear.VanBerghaddisappearedsometimebefore,andtherewasnolongeranymotivetokeepuptheillusionofgayety.
Hardlyhadshesteppedonthepiazzabeforesheheardherfathersay:
\"MissBurton,ifitwillgiveyouanypleasuretoknowthatyouhavemadethiseveningmemorablybrighttoonewhoselifeispeculiarlyclouded,youcancertainlyenjoythatassuranceinthefullestmeasure.Youhavekeptyourwordandhavenotpreachedatmeatall;andyetIfeelIoughttobeabettermanforthisinterview.\"
\"O,MissIda,\"exclaimedSibley,\"thisistheopportunitythatI
havebeenwishingforalltheevening.IcannottellyouhowgladlyIexchangetheglareofthatroomforthelightofyoureyesonly.
Wouldthatlifewerebutonelongsummerevening,andyoureyestheonlystartsinmysky.\"
\"Absurd,\"shecarelesslyreplied;andthentheypassedoutofhearing.
\"Good-night,MissBurton,\"saidMr.Mayhewabruptly;andhehastilydescendedthestepsandwassoonlostfromviewinthedarkness.
Hisdaughterandthemanwhoseemedtobethecompanionofherchoice,broughtbackatoncetheoldconditionsofhislife.Theprisonwallsclosedaroundhimagain,theairseemedallthemorefoulandstiflingincontrastwiththepureatmospherewhichhehadbeenbreathing,andthegloomofthenightwaslightincomparisonwithhisthoughtsashemuttered:
\"IfIdawereonlylikethisgoodangelshemightsaveevenme;butaftermylongabsencesheleavesmewhollytomyselfforthesakeofamanwhooughttobeanoffencetoher.IfItellherandhermotherwhathisreputationinNewYorkistheywillnotlistentome.Althoughheistheknownslaveofeveryvice,mydaughtersmilesuponhim.Frothandmudwearenowandeverwillbe.Afteraglimpseintothelifeofthatpure,goodwomanwhohastriedtobeGod\'smessengertometo-night,IcanfindnowordstoexpressmyloathingofthesloughinwhichIandminehavemired.Myonlychild,bytheforceofnaturalselection,bidsfairtoaddtoournumberadrunkardandalibertine;andIampowerlesstopreventit.Themotherthatshouldguardandguideherchild,isblindtoeverythingsavethatheisrich.Frothandmud!Frothandmud!\"
Unabletoendurehisthoughts,hewenttohisroomandfoundoblivioninthestuporofintoxication.
Onreachingtheendofthelongpiazza,SibleyledIdatoaverandalittlefrequentedatthathour,saying,ashedidso:
\"Letusgetawayfrompryingeyes.Ialwaysfeelwhenwithyouthatthreeisanenormouscrowd.\"
Agentlemanwhohadbeensmokingrosehastilyatthisbroadhint,whichhecouldnothelpoverhearing,andwalkedhaughtilyaway.
Ida,witharegretdeeperthanshecouldhavethoughtpossible,sawthatitwasVanBerg.Herfirstimpulsewastocompelhercompaniontogoback;butthatwouldlooklikefollowinghim.Weary,disheartenedbythefatethatseemedeveragainsther,shesankintothechairhehadjustvacated.
ForatimeshedidnotheedorscarcelyhearSibley\'scharacteristicflatteries,butatlasthesaidplainly:
\"MissIda,doyouknowthatyouaretheonewomanofalltheworldtome?\"
\"Oh,hush!\"shereplied,rising.\"Iknowyousaythattoeveryprettywomanwhowilllistentoyou,asIshallnolongerto-night.
Come.\"
Baffledandpuzzledalsobythemoodygirl,whooflateseemedsodifferentfromherformerself,hehadnoresourcebuttoaccompanyherbacktothemainentrance.Here,wheretheeyesofotherswereuponher,shesaidabruptly,butwithacharmingsmile:
\"Good-night,Mr.Sibley,\"andwentdirectlytoherroom.
Theyoungmanlookedrathernonplussedandmutteredanoathashewalkedawaytoconsolehimselfafterthefashionofhiskind.
\"Istherenoescapefromthiswretchedlife?\"Idasighedasshewearilythrewherselfintoachaironreachingherroom.\"Amanwhoseaddressesareaninsultismylover.TheonlymanIcaneverloveassociatesmeinhismindwiththislowfellow.Myfatherobtainswhatlittlecomforthegetsfromthecharityofastranger.
HowcanIfacethisprospectdayafterday.Oh,thatIhadnevercomehere!\"
\"Ida,\"saidhermotherenteringhastily,\"whathashappenedtoputyourfatheroutso?Ihadaheadachethisevening,andcameupearly.Alittlewhileagohestalkedinwithhisabsurdtragicair.
\'Whatisthematter,\'Iasked.\'Looktoyourdaughter,\'hesaid.
\'Whatdoyoumean?\'Iasked,quitefrightened.\'Ifyouwereatruemother,\'hereplied,\'youwouldnomoreleaveherwiththatroueSibley,thanwithsomuchpitch.Yetheiscourtingheropenly;
andwhatisworse,shereceiveshisaddresses,andpermitsherselftobeidentifiedwithhim.\'\'Oh,pshaw,\'Iansweredcarelessly;
\'Sibleyisaboutonaparwithhalftheyoungmeninsociety,andIdamightdoagreatdealworse.Nofearofher;forthereisn\'tagirllivingwhoknowshowtotakecareofherselfbetterthanshe.\'\'Bah!\'hesaid,\'ifsheknewhowtotakecareofherself,shewouldpermitasnaketotouchhersoonerthanthatman.Idamightdoworse,mightshe?Godknowshow:Idon\'t.Aprettyfamilyweshallbewhenheisaddedtoourcharminggroup.Themudwillpredominatethen;\'andwiththatheopenedabottleofbrandyanddrankhimselfstupid.\"
AsMrs.Mayhewrattledthisconversationoffinaloudwhisper,Idaseemedturningintostone,butatitscloseshesaidicily:
\"Inspeakingofsuchaunionaspossible,myparentshaveshowntheiropinionofme.Good-night.Iwishtobealone.\"
\"Butdidanythinghappenbetweenyoutosetyourfatheroffso?\"
persistedMrs.Mayhew.
\"Nothingunusual.IsupposefatherheardoneofMr.Sibley\'scompliments;andthatwasenoughtodisgustanysensibleman.
Good-night.\"
\"Mygracious!Youmightaswellturnmeoutofyourroom.\"
\"Mother,Iwishtobealone,\"saidIda,passionately.
\"AprettylifeIleadofitbetweenyouandyourfather,\"sobbedMrs.Mayhew,retreatingtoherownapartment.
\"Ahateful,wretchedlifeweallthreeshallleadtotheendoftime,foraughtthatIcansee,\"Idagroanedassherestlesslypacedherroom;\"butIhavenobetterresourcethantofollowfather\'sexample.\"
Shetookanopiate,andsoescapedfromthoughtforatimeinthedeeplethargyitbrought.
ChapterXXV.Half-truths.
AchurchbellwasringinginaneighboringvillagethefollowingmorningwhenIdaawoke.Thesunlightstreamedinattheopenwindowthroughthehalf-closedblinds,fleckingthefloorwithbarsoflight.Birdsweresinginginthetreeswithout,andasouthernbreezerustledthroughthefoliageasasweetlowaccompaniment.
Surelyitwasabrightpleasantworldonwhichherheavyeyeswereopening.
Poorchild!shewasfastlearningnowthatthedarkestcloudsthatshadowourpathsarenotthevaporsthatrisefromtheearth,butthethoughtsandmemoriesofanunhappyandasinfulheart.