CHAPTERXLI
GRACECRAWLEYATHOME
OnthemorningafterhisreturnfromLondon，MrCrawleyshowedsymptomsofgreatfatigue，andhiswifeimploredhimtoremaininbed。Butthishewouldnotdo。Hewouldgetup，andgooutdowntothebrickfields。Hehasspeciallyboundhimself，hesaid，toseethatthedutiesoftheparishshouldnotsufferbybeingleftinhishands。Thebishophadendeavouredtoplacetheminotherhands，buthehadpersistedinretainingthem。Ashaddonesohecouldallownowearinessofhisowntointerfere——andespeciallynowearinessinducedbylaboursundertakenonhisownbehalf。Thedayintheweekhadcomeroundonwhichitwashiswonttovisitthebrickmakers，andhewouldvisitthem。SohedraggedhimselfoutofhisbedandwentforthamidstthecoldstormofaharshwetMarchmorning。Hiswifewellknewwhensheheardhisfirstwordonthatmorningthatoneofthoseterriblemoodshadcomeuponhimwhichmadeherdoubtwhethersheoughttoallowhimtogoanywherealone。
Latterlytherehadbeensomeimprovementinhismentalhealth。SincethedayofhisencounterwiththebishopandMrsProudie，thoughhehadbeenasstubbornasever，hehadbeenlessapparentlyunhappy，lessdepressedinspirits。AndthejourneytoLondonhaddonehimgood。Hiswifehadcongratulatedherselfonfindinghimabletosetabouthisworklikeanotherman，andhehimselfhadexperiencedarenewal，ifnotofhope，atanyrate，ofcourage，whichhadgivenhimacomfortwhichhehadrecognised。Hiscommon—sensehadnotbeenverystrikinginhisinterviewwithMrToogood，butyethehadtalkedmorerationallythenandhadgivenabetteraccountofthematterinhandthancouldhavebeenexpectedfromhimforsomeweekspreviously。Butnowthelabourwasover，areactionhadcomeuponhim，andhewentawayfromhishousehavinghardlyspokenawordtohiswifeafterthespeechwhichhemadeabouthisdutytohisparish。
Ithinkthatatthistimenobodysawclearlytheworkingofhismind——notevenhiswife，whostudieditveryclosely，whogavehimcreditforallhishighqualities，andwhohadgraduallylearnedtoacknowledgetoherselfthatshemustdistrusthisjudgmentinmanythings。Sheknewthathewasgood，andyetweak，thathewasafflictedbyfalseprideandsupportedbytruepride，thathisintellectwasstillverybright，yetsodismallyobscuredonmanysidesasalmosttojustifypeopleinsayingthathewasmad。Sheknewthathewasalmostasaint，andyetalmostacastawaythroughvanityandhatredofthoseabovehim。