A PERSONAL RECORD

第2章

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第2章

A PERSONAL RECORD JOSEPH CONRAD

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A PERSONAL RECORD
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  AstoMr。NicholasB。,sub-lieutenantof1808,lieutenantof1813

  intheFrencharmy,andforashorttimeOfficierd’OrdonnanceofMarshalMarmont;afterwardcaptaininthe2dRegimentofMountedRiflesinthePolisharmy——suchasitexistedupto1830inthereducedkingdomestablishedbytheCongressofVienna——Imustsaythatfromallthatmoredistantpast,knowntometraditionallyandalittledevisu,andcalledoutbythewordsofthemanjustgoneaway,heremainsthemostincompletefigure。ItisobviousthatImusthaveseenhimin’64,foritiscertainthathewouldnothavemissedtheopportunityofseeingmymotherforwhathemusthaveknownwouldbethelasttime。Frommyearlyboyhoodtothisday,ifItrytocalluphisimage,asortofmistrisesbeforemyeyes,mistinwhichIperceivevaguelyonlyaneatlybrushedheadofwhitehair(whichisexceptionalinthecaseoftheB。family,whereitistheruleformentogobaldinabecomingmannerbeforethirty)andathin,curved,dignifiednose,afeatureinstrictaccordancewiththephysicaltraditionoftheB。family。Butitisnotbythesefragmentaryremainsofperishablemortalitythathelivesinmymemory。Iknew,ataveryearlyage,thatmygranduncleNicholasB。wasaKnightoftheLegionofHonourandthathehadalsothePolishCrossforvalourVirtutiMilitari。Theknowledgeofthesegloriousfactsinspiredinmeanadmiringveneration;yetitisnotthatsentiment,strongasitwas,whichresumesformetheforceandthesignificanceofhispersonality。Itisoverbornebyanotherandcompleximpressionofawe,compassion,andhorror。Mr。

  NicholasB。remainsformetheunfortunateandmiserable(butheroic)beingwhoonceuponatimehadeatenadog。

  ItisagoodfortyyearssinceIheardthetale,andtheeffecthasnotwornoffyet。Ibelievethisistheveryfirst,say,realistic,storyIheardinmylife;butallthesameIdon’tknowwhyIshouldhavebeensofrightfullyimpressed。OfcourseIknowwhatourvillagedogslooklike——butstill……No!Atthisveryday,recallingthehorrorandcompassionofmychildhood,IaskmyselfwhetherIamrightindisclosingtoacoldandfastidiousworldthatawfulepisodeinthefamilyhistory。Iaskmyself——isitright?——especiallyastheB。familyhadalwaysbeenhonourablyknowninawidecountrysideforthedelicacyoftheirtastesinthematterofeatinganddrinking。

  Butuponthewhole,andconsideringthatthisgastronomicaldegradationovertakingagallantyoungofficerliesreallyatthedooroftheGreatNapoleon,Ithinkthattocoveritupbysilencewouldbeanexaggerationofliteraryrestraint。Letthetruthstandhere。TheresponsibilityrestswiththeManofSt。

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