Lord Jim

第23章

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第23章

Lord Jim Joseph Conrad

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Lord Jim
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  Theotherdayhetookitintohisheadtocrosstheroomwithnootherpurposebuttoopenadoorforme;andIfeltmoreintouchwithmankindthanIhadbeenforyears。Ridiculous,isn’tit?OfcourseIguessthereissomething——someawfullittlescrape——whichyouknowallabout——butifIamsurethatitisterriblyheinous,Ifancyonecouldmanagetoforgiveit。Formypart,IdeclareIamunabletoimaginehimguiltyofanythingmuchworsethanrobbinganorchard。Isitmuchworse?Perhapsyououghttohavetoldme;butitissuchalongtimesincewebothturnedsaintsthatyoumayhaveforgottenwe,too,hadsinnedinourtime?ItmaybethatsomedayIshallhavetoaskyou,andthenIshallexpecttobetold。Idon’tcaretoquestionhimmyselftillIhavesomeideawhatitis。Moreover,it’stoosoonasyet。Lethimopenthedoorafewtimesmoreforme……“Thusmyfriend。Iwastreblypleased——atJim’sshapingsowell,atthetoneoftheletter,atmyowncleverness。EvidentlyIhadknownwhatIwasdoing。Ihadreadcharactersaright,andsoon。Andwhatifsomethingunexpectedandwonderfulweretocomeofit?Thatevening,reposinginadeck-chairundertheshadeofmyownpoopawningitwasinHongKongharbour,IlaidonJim’sbehalfthefirststoneofacastleinSpain。

  `Imadeatriptothenorthward,andwhenIreturnedIfoundanotherletterfrommyfriendwaitingforme。ItwasthefirstenvelopeItoreopen。“TherearenospoonsmissingasfarasIknow,“ranthefirstline;

  “Ihaven’tbeeninterestedenoughtoinquire。Heisgone,leavingonthebreakfast-tableaformallittlenoteofapology,whichiseithersillyorheartless。Probablyboth——andit’sallonetome。Allowmetosay,lestyoushouldhavesomemoremysteriousyoungmeninreserve,thatIhaveshutupshop,definitelyandforever。ThisisthelasteccentricityI

  shallbeguiltyof。DonotimagineforamomentthatIcareahang;butheisverymuchregrettedattennis-parties,andformyownsakeI’vetoldaplausiblelieattheclub……“Iflungtheletterasideandstartedlookingthroughthebatchonmytable,tillIcameuponJim’shandwriting。

  Wouldyoubelieveit?Onechanceinahundred!Butitisalwaysthathundredthchance!ThatlittlesecondengineerofthePatnahadturnedupinamoreorlessdestitutestate,andgotatemporaryjoboflookingafterthemachineryofthemill。“Icouldn’tstandthefamiliarityofthelittlebeast,“Jimwrotefromasea-portsevenhundredmilessouthoftheplacewhereheshouldhavebeeninclover。“IamnowforthetimewithEgstrom&Blake,ship-chandlers,astheir——well——runner,tocallthethingbyitsrightname。ForreferenceIgavethemyourname,whichtheyknowofcourse,andifyoucouldwriteawordinmyfavouritwouldbeapermanentemployment。“Iwasutterlycrushedundertheruinsofmycastle,butofcourseIwroteasdesired。Beforetheendoftheyearmynewchartertookmethatway,andIhadanopportunityofseeinghim。

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